American Dragon: Jake Long (2005–2007): Season 2, Episode 19 - Year of the Jake - full transcript
When Jake is asked to watch over his Grandpa's shop, he accidentally curses it. Can he eliminate the curse before his Grandpa returns?
Cock-a-doodle doo, Jake-a-roo.
(SCREAMS, GRUNTS)
Wow! Who would've thought that
a paper dragon could make Jake
scream like a little girl?
Okay, me. But who else?
Let's see hands.
Gung hay fat choy, everyone.
Gung hay fat choy!
-Gung... who, what, where?
-Happy Chinese New Year.
I say it to you every year,
but you never listen.
But I bet you listen to these.
Oh, yeah, 'cause money talks.
What's that little red envelope
of cheddar?
Andrew Jackson's inside,
and he brought his twin brother.
Thank you, Grandpa!
I'm not greedy like some people.
'Cause money's the root
of all evil, and...
I was hoping for a little more evil
than this.
I'm sorry it's not as much as last year.
Business has been slow
since Chuck Boomgarden
opened his new electronics superstore
right next to my own.
Boomgarden!
It's all right, Dad.
The kids understand
that the red envelopes
are not about the money.
They're an ancient tradition to wish you
happiness and luck.
G-pa's red envelopes are always funtastic,
but, hey, don't forget dear old dad's gift
to his Chinese clan? Huh?
(GRUNTS)
What, Dad's gift is to wreck my room?
(EXCLAIMING IN CHINESE)
He signed you all up to perform
the dragon dance
in the Chinatown parade this afternoon.
I told you this last week!
The dragon dance wards off
all evil spirits
so it would be a great honor
for you and your family...
(MUSIC INCREASES IN VOLUME)
Nah, I'm pretty sure
you didn't mention it.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
♪ He's cool, he's hot like a frozen sun ♪
♪ He's young and fast
He's the chosen one ♪
♪ People, we're not braggin' ♪
♪ He's the American Dragon ♪
♪ He's gonna stop his enemies
with his dragon power ♪
♪ Dragon teeth, dragon tail,
burnin' dragon fire ♪
♪ A real live wire ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ He's the American Dragon ♪
♪ His skills are gettin' faster ♪
♪ With Grandpa, the master ♪
♪ His destiny, what's up, G? ♪
♪ It's showtime, baby, for the legacy ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ I'm a dragon, I'm not braggin'
It's my destiny ♪
♪ I'm the magical protector of the NYC ♪
Ya heard?
♪ American Dragon ♪
Yeow!
Stand still, Haley.
I have to see
how these scales go.
I'm trying to, but either I'm
too excited about the parade,
or I drank way too much
juice this morning.
DAD: You know, familia, I hate to toot
my own horn...
-Dragon down!
-But... honk honk!
I have outdone myself
on this little dazzle of a dragon.
Yep. I put all of my Chinese
know-how into this one.
Dad does know he's not Chinese, right?
Of course he does, honey.
Jake-a-roo!
We've got rehearsing to do.
Right after breakfast, Dad.
Oh, man. I can't believe my dad
wants me
to prance around
Chinatown like a fool.
Hey, Fu, how about
you and I spend the day
down at the park bagging
on dogs and sweaters?
Forget it, kid. Fake quality time
ain't gonna get you out of this one.
Even Gramps thinks it's a good idea
for you to be in the parade.
He wants you to get in touch
with your Chinese heritage.
What? Could I be any more in touch
with my heritage?
I always get sweet
and sour dipping sauce,
and watch me work
some magic with these chopsticks.
(GRUNTS)
I'm not fetching that.
Point is, I got Chinese culture
coming out of my ears.
Good to hear, young one.
Then surely you know why
I'm closing the shop today.
Pssh, of course I do.
Ah, you know...
Parading and making fireworks...
(MIMICS EXPLOSION)
And... things.
Parades and fireworks are fun,
but there are other traditions
more important to me,
like visiting friends, burning incense
to honor ancestors,
and preparing a traditional
New Year's meal.
Okay, so maybe I'm not as up on
the Chinese stuff as I could be,
but it's not like I'll ever need it.
I'm the American Dragon.
(EXCLAIMING IN CHINESE)
Yes, you've grown up in America, Jake,
but your roots are in China.
If you forget where you are from,
you will never know where you are going.
Enjoy your dragon dance!
Gramps, wait!
What if I keep the shop
open for you today?
Think about it.
I can soak up Chinese culture anytime.
But can you really afford to give up
a whole day of business to Boomgarden?
Boomgarden!
Young dragon,
you are more transparent
than Fu Dog visiting a sick friend
in Atlantic City.
But, perhaps having you watch the shop
today is a good idea.
Hey, Gramps. I brought my
assistant managers.
Uh, no.
You brought two friends you bribed
with Big Chunk Freezy Slurps.
(GROANS)
Too cold!
Ugh! But it hurts so good!
You're sure you'll be okay by yourselves?
(SCOFFS) Better than okay.
Look, I even bought
snazzy new uniforms.
Hold up, dawg. These are nurse's uniforms.
Hey, check out the orthopedic clogs.
Lightweight yet sturdy.
And with today's rubber sole technology,
they're whisper quiet!
(EXCLAIMING IN CHINESE)
Don't worry, Gramps. No clogs.
And if I have any questions,
I'll give Fu a shout.
No, you won't. 'Cause I'm a little behind
on my own Chinese New Year traditions.
Got a few of last year's
debts left to settle.
I just hope Big Ernie
will take a salad spinner
for the five large I'm into him for.
(HOARSELY) Five large!
Well, young dragon.
I should get my New Year's traditions
started as well.
Gung hay fat choy!
Yeah, Gramps.
Gung hay chow yuh.
Huh? You just wished me stir fried meat.
(SPEAKING CHINESE)
The old man has left the building.
Now let's kick it, and peep
my favorite story, All My Shorties.
Not today, Trix. Don't you get it?
This is my big chance!
Uh, for what?
If I do a good job running the shop,
Gramps will let me do it again.
And by again, I mean anytime
I've got stuff I don't want to do.
Like that Chinese parade today.
But Chinese stuff is so cool!
You got the food, the history,
not to mention the many varieties
of exotic martial arts.
I call mine Spung Fu.
Ai-i-yah!
(GRUNTS)
Whoa! Orthopedic clogs!
How could you betray me?
(YELLS)
Spud! Careful, man!
You're making a mess!
Mess? How can you tell
with all of Gramps' cluttered junk
in around here?
Dude's got a chair
with three and a half legs,
a clock with one hand,
and a "um" with no brella.
Yo, Trix! That's it.
If we clean the place up,
it'll show Gramps
I'm responsible enough to watch
the shop whenever he needs it.
And more importantly,
whenever I need it.
(COUGHING)
JAKE: There you go.
It's all yours.
Whoopedy-doo.
Junk even junk would call junk.
Next time, just dump it in
the Hudson like everybody else.
But if we dump it,
you don't make any money.
What? I... ugh.
I should've never quit school.
(HUMMING)
(STUTTERING)
Wha... whaa...
Hey, Fu. So what you think?
Jakey and the crew
made it real jazzy up in here, huh?
There's nothing... (MUMBLING)
Yeah! I think Grandpa's gonna
be speechless, too.
He might even give me
the keys to the place.
Are you out of your mind?
You can't clean on Chinese New Year!
-Why not?
-It's against tradition!
You're not just sweeping out the trash,
you're sweeping out all the good luck,
leaving only bad luck.
And bad luck in a magical shop
is the worst kind of bad luck there is!
(GROANS)
You don't really believe
those Chinese superstitions, do you?
Kid, they're not just superstitions,
they're 4,000 years of culture!
Just because it's old
doesn't mean it's true.
A message from Big Ernie to Fu Dog.
"Thanks for the salad spinner.
"My arugula has never been crisper."
-(GASPS)
-FU: Oh, no, there goes the mousetrap
with the toaster.
Oh, and the ceiling fan!
-Not the old man's priceless Ming vase!
-(ALL GASP)
(ALL SIGH)
Wow, of all the luck.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
Okay, uh, one more time.
Haley doesn't quite have it.
Okay, um, sweetie bunches,
just try to imagine
what it's like to be a dragon.
I'll try.
Honey, don't you think
we've practiced this enough?
As Confucius said,
he that would perfect his work
must first sharpen his tools.
Besides, I'm just trying to help
Haley-hoo dig deep
into her Chinese soul like me.
Like you?
Okay, I think we need to talk.
We can talk, but, uh...
I just think our little girl
could be a bit more dragony.
All right, that is it!
I am... (MUFFLED SPEAKING)
I think I got it!
Okay, turn it off slow...
...ly.
Ooh, that was close.
Nothing worse than soggy kibble.
I don't know, Jakey. I'm starting
to think that cleaning the clutter
might have opened the door
to a whole mess of trouble.
What are you talking about?
The old plumbing in this place has always
been messed up. It's just a coincidence.
Yeah, a vase that lasted 600 years
suddenly breaks,
a drain that gushes like Old Faithful,
and that cricket on the windowsill?
-(CRICKET CHIRPS)
-Coincidence?
(SCOFFS) I don't think so.
What? Now you're buggin'
over a harmless bug?
Yeah, I thought a cricket meant good luck.
Yes, a cricket means good luck,
but one cricket!
ALL: Crickets!
-They're in my hair!
-They're in my mouth!
-Ah, they're up my shorts!
-(ALL SCREAMING)
Dragon, up!
TRIXIE: Yeah, that's right, Jakey!
We gonna have ourselves
a cricket roast!
Okay... maybe we shouldn't have cleaned
out the place on Chinese New Year's.
And you would've known that
if you'd listened when the old man
mentioned it about a gazillion times!
Just tell me how to fix this, Fu!
If it was me? I don't know,
I'd try to retrieve all the stuff
you threw out. Reverse the curse.
Okay! Then let's get on it!
Hold up, kid. Somebody's gotta stay here
and cover
in case the old man swings by.
Got you, Jakey baby.
Spud and I got it covered here.
You think Trixie and Spud
can handle the bad luck?
Eh. I figure we've seen the worst of it.
TRIXIE: (SCREAMING)
Magical earthquake!
Where's the rest of it?
You kids taught me a valuable lesson
in junkman economics.
So I sold most of your stuff elsewhere
for a cash money profit.
But I gotta get that stuff back.
Well, here's my buyers.
Check with them first.
Then try the dumpster on Third.
Shouldn't be too hard.
All this is in Chinatown.
Good, 'cause we only got a couple hours
before the old man gets back.
I just hope Trixie and potato boy
are keeping the shop together.
(SCREAMING)
Excuse me!
But... actually that radio
belongs to my grandpa.
Can I... just...
(SPEAKING CHINESE)
Uh, Fu?
You wanna jump in here?
Mm. Fine.
Behold, the international language
of cute puppy dog whimpering.
(FU WHIMPERING)
Will you look at this? (MUMBLES)
Well, after the earthquake and the vortex,
rain seems actually refreshing.
(READING) Dance
The Hong Kong Hustle.
Man, I'm glad I wasn't born
when Gramps was shaking his booty.
What's that?
It's an offering.
An offering, huh? Now that's
customer service.
(SHRIEKS) An offering for his ancestors!
You dishonor my family!
-Sorry. Run!
-(FU GROANS)
Hello, brainstorm!
(CHUCKLES) Familia, get ready for
the ah's and applause
of a loud crowd.
When I hit this button,
you will witness 50,000 BTUs
of propane-powered dragon breath.
Maybe we should dial
the nine and the one now,
just to get a head start.
This is gonna make my
Chinese ancestors so proud.
Honey, there's really
no way to put this gently.
You're not Chinese!
Ooh, whoopsy daisy,
I beg to differ there with you, honey-hoo.
As you may recall, uh,
one of my many
endearing qualities
is that I am one-sixteenth Navajo,
and we all know that
the ancestors of Native Americans
arrived here via
the Bering Strait from where?
Asia! And what's in Asia?
China!
Whoo!
-(CORN POPPING)
-Sorry for crackling your corn, ma'am!
Just eat towards the light!
Spud! Another slime hole by your head!
I'm out of plugs! No, wait!
I got it!
It's working!
Outstanding! Jake's behind me
with the last of the junk.
You know, it looks limey,
but it's actually more of a curry flavor.
(PANTING)
Jake?
Hey, Gramps! Wh... what's up?
What are you doing with my magazines?
Yeah...wh...what
are you doing with his magazines?
I hope you're not cleaning.
(CHUCKLES) Of course not!
Don't you know that cleaning is
a mega no-no on Chinese New Year?
Very good. Someone has been listening
to the traditions of our culture.
Hey, I'm all about traditions and culture.
And... what-not.
Good, then I won't have to remind you
about the vault.
The vault?
I know about the vault.
I could teach classes on the vault.
Now, you go do your Chinese
New Year thingies,
and don't worry your little gray head
about the vault.
Bye-bye now!
Go as far as ten bucks'll take him.
Aw, man!
Just keep walking, Grandpa!
Everything's cool!
You don't remember him telling you
about the vault, do you?
Of course I do.
That is the Fengdu Vault of Demons,
which we must never open
on Chinese New Year, or...
(VIDEO GAME VOLUME INCREASES)
Then again, I might've missed
a couple of details.
Oh, no! You geniuses probably
threw the vault out, too!
(SCREAMING)
Oh, phew. Still there.
You worried about a rusty old box?
That rusty old box
doesn't hold your run of the mill demons.
It holds demons
so gnarly they couldn't be destroyed,
only imprisoned.
Okay, then. We'll just leave
the thing alone.
Hello, everyone. I've been delivering
messages all day.
You mind if I take a break over here
on the...
-No, don't!
-Whoa!
(GRUNTS)
Ah!
Oh, yeah! Who's got his luck back on?
Uh-huh.
(ALL EXHALE)
-Huh?
-(ALL GASP)
(ROARING)
Whoa!
(DEMONS ROARING)
Aw, man.
I don't get it. We brought
all the stuff back.
Why are we still having bad luck?
Because not everything's back.
The broken vase!
Uh-oh! I kind of swept it up
and threw it in the trash can out back.
Yes! It's still here.
I am so not loving this Chinese bad luck.
Actually, I don't
think that's bad luck,
-it's just trash day.
-(SIGHS)
-Dragon, up!
-What are you doing?
I gotta get those creatures
back in the box.
But what about Trix and me?
It looks like you two
have a truck to catch.
FU: Whoa, up, up, and away, woo-hoo!
Did I ask to be volunteered,
Mr. Johnny Helper Scout?
(CHINESE MUSIC PLAYING)
(GIRLS CLAMORING)
(DEMONS ROARING)
(CROWD SCREAMING)
(SNARLING)
Hey, buddy, you're stopping the show.
Or should I say, draggin' down the dragon.
(JAKE GRUNTS)
WOMAN 1: Who did that?
WOMAN 2: What's he wearing?
(GRUNTS)
(STRAINING)
(DEMONS ROARING)
Dad!
Yum! That sure is
a fancy dragon costume right there.
Darn tootin'!
(LAUGHS) Aren't you guys glad
we worked hard
on our dragon?
That one looked so Fakey-McFakerson.
-Was that...
-Jake?
Man, you dudes aren't bag-head ugly,
you're box-head ugly. (GASPS)
(GRUNTS)
-(JAKE GRUNTING)
-(DEMONS ROARING)
(CHATTER)
Special effects!
Whoa!
(GROANING)
I think being stuck in a box
made them a little cranky.
Come on, all you have to do
is get them back in the box.
One at a time!
Just pitch me one right here,
I'll catch it.
(GRUNTING) Hi-ya!
That's it, buddy!
Bring the heat! Bring it!
Pull up! Pull up!
(FU GRUNTING)
Strike!
-(CROWD CHEERING)
-Dude, how did they do the talking dog?
(BOTH PANTING)
There it is!
BOTH: Stop!
We can't catch him.
No, but ortho-cloggy can.
(GRUNTS)
Lightweight, yet sturdy.
Ha, I knew they'd come in handy.
Or footy.
(GRUNTING)
Okay, the costumes aren't that bad,
but I can totally see the wires.
Honey, I don't know
how your brother got in this mess,
but I think he
needs your help.
Finally! Being a fake dragon
is so less fun than the real thing.
(CROWD GASPS)
See, Haley, now that
is a convincing dragon.
You got... Where'd she go?
Uh, potty break.
Haley! Whose side are you on?
You're free, aren't you?
-So what's the plan?
-We gotta get Ugly and Uglier
into that box that Fu's holding.
Haley, remember
that noodle fight
-we had last Chinese New Year's?
-Oh, yeah!
Maybe Snarly Brown over there
would like one of your noodle wigs.
(DEMONS ROARING)
Happy noodle year, creep!
Ah!
Going back, back, back...
(GRUNTS) He makes the catch!
(CHEERING)
(JAKE GRUNTING)
-Come on!
-HALEY: Get in there!
(CHANTING) Dragon! Dragon! Dragon!
Okay! Because you all demanded it,
grand finale time!
JAKE: Huh?
(JAKE YELLS)
(GRUNTING)
Got 'em all, kid. Good thing, too,
'cause there ain't that much
fluff left in my cushion.
Haley, where have you been?
You could've picked up a few tips
from the big dragon show.
I heard the crowd cheering
from the bathroom.
You must've been
one awesome dragon, huh, Dad?
Well, I...
You know, I'm just trying to do
justice to my heritage.
SPUD: Carefully...
BOTH: Phew!
Got these monkeys back in the cage.
And we got this baby back together
in one piece.
More like 477 pieces.
Nice try, though. (GASPS)
Where's 478?
(ALL GASP)
Looking for this?
I found it outside.
Any problems minding the shop?
-Nah! Easy-peasy, lemon squeezy.
-Yeah, yeah, nothing going on here.
Snoozefest.
(SIGHS) Actually, Gramps,
we did have problems. Big problems.
Hmm. By problems, do you perhaps mean
accidentally sweeping trash
out of the shop,
resulting in near-catastrophic bad luck
until everything was returned?
Hold up. You knew what was happening
this whole time,
-and you didn't help?
-(CHUCKLES)
Some lessons are more fun to watch
than to teach.
-So I dug through trash...
-And I licked slime...
And I had my crippling fear
of crickets exposed...
...just so Jake could learn
a lesson about his culture?
I only said it was fun for Grandpa.
But come, now.
Time for the best part
of the New Year celebration.
Sorry for not listening to you, Gramps.
I understand.
I must admit, there are times
when I don't listen as well, either.
You should've seen it, G!
It was kind of a backflip
into a 180 Ollie with...
(MUSIC VOLUME INCREASING)
And did you know, on Chinese New Year,
you're supposed to put out
lychee nuts to help the family get along?
I don't know what lychee nuts are,
but we should
definitely put 'em out next year.
Oh, and did you know washing
your hair is bad luck, too...
(MUSIC VOLUME INCREASING)
JAKE: Hey Grandpa, are you even
listening to me? Gramps!
(SCREAMS, GRUNTS)
Wow! Who would've thought that
a paper dragon could make Jake
scream like a little girl?
Okay, me. But who else?
Let's see hands.
Gung hay fat choy, everyone.
Gung hay fat choy!
-Gung... who, what, where?
-Happy Chinese New Year.
I say it to you every year,
but you never listen.
But I bet you listen to these.
Oh, yeah, 'cause money talks.
What's that little red envelope
of cheddar?
Andrew Jackson's inside,
and he brought his twin brother.
Thank you, Grandpa!
I'm not greedy like some people.
'Cause money's the root
of all evil, and...
I was hoping for a little more evil
than this.
I'm sorry it's not as much as last year.
Business has been slow
since Chuck Boomgarden
opened his new electronics superstore
right next to my own.
Boomgarden!
It's all right, Dad.
The kids understand
that the red envelopes
are not about the money.
They're an ancient tradition to wish you
happiness and luck.
G-pa's red envelopes are always funtastic,
but, hey, don't forget dear old dad's gift
to his Chinese clan? Huh?
(GRUNTS)
What, Dad's gift is to wreck my room?
(EXCLAIMING IN CHINESE)
He signed you all up to perform
the dragon dance
in the Chinatown parade this afternoon.
I told you this last week!
The dragon dance wards off
all evil spirits
so it would be a great honor
for you and your family...
(MUSIC INCREASES IN VOLUME)
Nah, I'm pretty sure
you didn't mention it.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
♪ He's cool, he's hot like a frozen sun ♪
♪ He's young and fast
He's the chosen one ♪
♪ People, we're not braggin' ♪
♪ He's the American Dragon ♪
♪ He's gonna stop his enemies
with his dragon power ♪
♪ Dragon teeth, dragon tail,
burnin' dragon fire ♪
♪ A real live wire ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ He's the American Dragon ♪
♪ His skills are gettin' faster ♪
♪ With Grandpa, the master ♪
♪ His destiny, what's up, G? ♪
♪ It's showtime, baby, for the legacy ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ I'm a dragon, I'm not braggin'
It's my destiny ♪
♪ I'm the magical protector of the NYC ♪
Ya heard?
♪ American Dragon ♪
Yeow!
Stand still, Haley.
I have to see
how these scales go.
I'm trying to, but either I'm
too excited about the parade,
or I drank way too much
juice this morning.
DAD: You know, familia, I hate to toot
my own horn...
-Dragon down!
-But... honk honk!
I have outdone myself
on this little dazzle of a dragon.
Yep. I put all of my Chinese
know-how into this one.
Dad does know he's not Chinese, right?
Of course he does, honey.
Jake-a-roo!
We've got rehearsing to do.
Right after breakfast, Dad.
Oh, man. I can't believe my dad
wants me
to prance around
Chinatown like a fool.
Hey, Fu, how about
you and I spend the day
down at the park bagging
on dogs and sweaters?
Forget it, kid. Fake quality time
ain't gonna get you out of this one.
Even Gramps thinks it's a good idea
for you to be in the parade.
He wants you to get in touch
with your Chinese heritage.
What? Could I be any more in touch
with my heritage?
I always get sweet
and sour dipping sauce,
and watch me work
some magic with these chopsticks.
(GRUNTS)
I'm not fetching that.
Point is, I got Chinese culture
coming out of my ears.
Good to hear, young one.
Then surely you know why
I'm closing the shop today.
Pssh, of course I do.
Ah, you know...
Parading and making fireworks...
(MIMICS EXPLOSION)
And... things.
Parades and fireworks are fun,
but there are other traditions
more important to me,
like visiting friends, burning incense
to honor ancestors,
and preparing a traditional
New Year's meal.
Okay, so maybe I'm not as up on
the Chinese stuff as I could be,
but it's not like I'll ever need it.
I'm the American Dragon.
(EXCLAIMING IN CHINESE)
Yes, you've grown up in America, Jake,
but your roots are in China.
If you forget where you are from,
you will never know where you are going.
Enjoy your dragon dance!
Gramps, wait!
What if I keep the shop
open for you today?
Think about it.
I can soak up Chinese culture anytime.
But can you really afford to give up
a whole day of business to Boomgarden?
Boomgarden!
Young dragon,
you are more transparent
than Fu Dog visiting a sick friend
in Atlantic City.
But, perhaps having you watch the shop
today is a good idea.
Hey, Gramps. I brought my
assistant managers.
Uh, no.
You brought two friends you bribed
with Big Chunk Freezy Slurps.
(GROANS)
Too cold!
Ugh! But it hurts so good!
You're sure you'll be okay by yourselves?
(SCOFFS) Better than okay.
Look, I even bought
snazzy new uniforms.
Hold up, dawg. These are nurse's uniforms.
Hey, check out the orthopedic clogs.
Lightweight yet sturdy.
And with today's rubber sole technology,
they're whisper quiet!
(EXCLAIMING IN CHINESE)
Don't worry, Gramps. No clogs.
And if I have any questions,
I'll give Fu a shout.
No, you won't. 'Cause I'm a little behind
on my own Chinese New Year traditions.
Got a few of last year's
debts left to settle.
I just hope Big Ernie
will take a salad spinner
for the five large I'm into him for.
(HOARSELY) Five large!
Well, young dragon.
I should get my New Year's traditions
started as well.
Gung hay fat choy!
Yeah, Gramps.
Gung hay chow yuh.
Huh? You just wished me stir fried meat.
(SPEAKING CHINESE)
The old man has left the building.
Now let's kick it, and peep
my favorite story, All My Shorties.
Not today, Trix. Don't you get it?
This is my big chance!
Uh, for what?
If I do a good job running the shop,
Gramps will let me do it again.
And by again, I mean anytime
I've got stuff I don't want to do.
Like that Chinese parade today.
But Chinese stuff is so cool!
You got the food, the history,
not to mention the many varieties
of exotic martial arts.
I call mine Spung Fu.
Ai-i-yah!
(GRUNTS)
Whoa! Orthopedic clogs!
How could you betray me?
(YELLS)
Spud! Careful, man!
You're making a mess!
Mess? How can you tell
with all of Gramps' cluttered junk
in around here?
Dude's got a chair
with three and a half legs,
a clock with one hand,
and a "um" with no brella.
Yo, Trix! That's it.
If we clean the place up,
it'll show Gramps
I'm responsible enough to watch
the shop whenever he needs it.
And more importantly,
whenever I need it.
(COUGHING)
JAKE: There you go.
It's all yours.
Whoopedy-doo.
Junk even junk would call junk.
Next time, just dump it in
the Hudson like everybody else.
But if we dump it,
you don't make any money.
What? I... ugh.
I should've never quit school.
(HUMMING)
(STUTTERING)
Wha... whaa...
Hey, Fu. So what you think?
Jakey and the crew
made it real jazzy up in here, huh?
There's nothing... (MUMBLING)
Yeah! I think Grandpa's gonna
be speechless, too.
He might even give me
the keys to the place.
Are you out of your mind?
You can't clean on Chinese New Year!
-Why not?
-It's against tradition!
You're not just sweeping out the trash,
you're sweeping out all the good luck,
leaving only bad luck.
And bad luck in a magical shop
is the worst kind of bad luck there is!
(GROANS)
You don't really believe
those Chinese superstitions, do you?
Kid, they're not just superstitions,
they're 4,000 years of culture!
Just because it's old
doesn't mean it's true.
A message from Big Ernie to Fu Dog.
"Thanks for the salad spinner.
"My arugula has never been crisper."
-(GASPS)
-FU: Oh, no, there goes the mousetrap
with the toaster.
Oh, and the ceiling fan!
-Not the old man's priceless Ming vase!
-(ALL GASP)
(ALL SIGH)
Wow, of all the luck.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
Okay, uh, one more time.
Haley doesn't quite have it.
Okay, um, sweetie bunches,
just try to imagine
what it's like to be a dragon.
I'll try.
Honey, don't you think
we've practiced this enough?
As Confucius said,
he that would perfect his work
must first sharpen his tools.
Besides, I'm just trying to help
Haley-hoo dig deep
into her Chinese soul like me.
Like you?
Okay, I think we need to talk.
We can talk, but, uh...
I just think our little girl
could be a bit more dragony.
All right, that is it!
I am... (MUFFLED SPEAKING)
I think I got it!
Okay, turn it off slow...
...ly.
Ooh, that was close.
Nothing worse than soggy kibble.
I don't know, Jakey. I'm starting
to think that cleaning the clutter
might have opened the door
to a whole mess of trouble.
What are you talking about?
The old plumbing in this place has always
been messed up. It's just a coincidence.
Yeah, a vase that lasted 600 years
suddenly breaks,
a drain that gushes like Old Faithful,
and that cricket on the windowsill?
-(CRICKET CHIRPS)
-Coincidence?
(SCOFFS) I don't think so.
What? Now you're buggin'
over a harmless bug?
Yeah, I thought a cricket meant good luck.
Yes, a cricket means good luck,
but one cricket!
ALL: Crickets!
-They're in my hair!
-They're in my mouth!
-Ah, they're up my shorts!
-(ALL SCREAMING)
Dragon, up!
TRIXIE: Yeah, that's right, Jakey!
We gonna have ourselves
a cricket roast!
Okay... maybe we shouldn't have cleaned
out the place on Chinese New Year's.
And you would've known that
if you'd listened when the old man
mentioned it about a gazillion times!
Just tell me how to fix this, Fu!
If it was me? I don't know,
I'd try to retrieve all the stuff
you threw out. Reverse the curse.
Okay! Then let's get on it!
Hold up, kid. Somebody's gotta stay here
and cover
in case the old man swings by.
Got you, Jakey baby.
Spud and I got it covered here.
You think Trixie and Spud
can handle the bad luck?
Eh. I figure we've seen the worst of it.
TRIXIE: (SCREAMING)
Magical earthquake!
Where's the rest of it?
You kids taught me a valuable lesson
in junkman economics.
So I sold most of your stuff elsewhere
for a cash money profit.
But I gotta get that stuff back.
Well, here's my buyers.
Check with them first.
Then try the dumpster on Third.
Shouldn't be too hard.
All this is in Chinatown.
Good, 'cause we only got a couple hours
before the old man gets back.
I just hope Trixie and potato boy
are keeping the shop together.
(SCREAMING)
Excuse me!
But... actually that radio
belongs to my grandpa.
Can I... just...
(SPEAKING CHINESE)
Uh, Fu?
You wanna jump in here?
Mm. Fine.
Behold, the international language
of cute puppy dog whimpering.
(FU WHIMPERING)
Will you look at this? (MUMBLES)
Well, after the earthquake and the vortex,
rain seems actually refreshing.
(READING) Dance
The Hong Kong Hustle.
Man, I'm glad I wasn't born
when Gramps was shaking his booty.
What's that?
It's an offering.
An offering, huh? Now that's
customer service.
(SHRIEKS) An offering for his ancestors!
You dishonor my family!
-Sorry. Run!
-(FU GROANS)
Hello, brainstorm!
(CHUCKLES) Familia, get ready for
the ah's and applause
of a loud crowd.
When I hit this button,
you will witness 50,000 BTUs
of propane-powered dragon breath.
Maybe we should dial
the nine and the one now,
just to get a head start.
This is gonna make my
Chinese ancestors so proud.
Honey, there's really
no way to put this gently.
You're not Chinese!
Ooh, whoopsy daisy,
I beg to differ there with you, honey-hoo.
As you may recall, uh,
one of my many
endearing qualities
is that I am one-sixteenth Navajo,
and we all know that
the ancestors of Native Americans
arrived here via
the Bering Strait from where?
Asia! And what's in Asia?
China!
Whoo!
-(CORN POPPING)
-Sorry for crackling your corn, ma'am!
Just eat towards the light!
Spud! Another slime hole by your head!
I'm out of plugs! No, wait!
I got it!
It's working!
Outstanding! Jake's behind me
with the last of the junk.
You know, it looks limey,
but it's actually more of a curry flavor.
(PANTING)
Jake?
Hey, Gramps! Wh... what's up?
What are you doing with my magazines?
Yeah...wh...what
are you doing with his magazines?
I hope you're not cleaning.
(CHUCKLES) Of course not!
Don't you know that cleaning is
a mega no-no on Chinese New Year?
Very good. Someone has been listening
to the traditions of our culture.
Hey, I'm all about traditions and culture.
And... what-not.
Good, then I won't have to remind you
about the vault.
The vault?
I know about the vault.
I could teach classes on the vault.
Now, you go do your Chinese
New Year thingies,
and don't worry your little gray head
about the vault.
Bye-bye now!
Go as far as ten bucks'll take him.
Aw, man!
Just keep walking, Grandpa!
Everything's cool!
You don't remember him telling you
about the vault, do you?
Of course I do.
That is the Fengdu Vault of Demons,
which we must never open
on Chinese New Year, or...
(VIDEO GAME VOLUME INCREASES)
Then again, I might've missed
a couple of details.
Oh, no! You geniuses probably
threw the vault out, too!
(SCREAMING)
Oh, phew. Still there.
You worried about a rusty old box?
That rusty old box
doesn't hold your run of the mill demons.
It holds demons
so gnarly they couldn't be destroyed,
only imprisoned.
Okay, then. We'll just leave
the thing alone.
Hello, everyone. I've been delivering
messages all day.
You mind if I take a break over here
on the...
-No, don't!
-Whoa!
(GRUNTS)
Ah!
Oh, yeah! Who's got his luck back on?
Uh-huh.
(ALL EXHALE)
-Huh?
-(ALL GASP)
(ROARING)
Whoa!
(DEMONS ROARING)
Aw, man.
I don't get it. We brought
all the stuff back.
Why are we still having bad luck?
Because not everything's back.
The broken vase!
Uh-oh! I kind of swept it up
and threw it in the trash can out back.
Yes! It's still here.
I am so not loving this Chinese bad luck.
Actually, I don't
think that's bad luck,
-it's just trash day.
-(SIGHS)
-Dragon, up!
-What are you doing?
I gotta get those creatures
back in the box.
But what about Trix and me?
It looks like you two
have a truck to catch.
FU: Whoa, up, up, and away, woo-hoo!
Did I ask to be volunteered,
Mr. Johnny Helper Scout?
(CHINESE MUSIC PLAYING)
(GIRLS CLAMORING)
(DEMONS ROARING)
(CROWD SCREAMING)
(SNARLING)
Hey, buddy, you're stopping the show.
Or should I say, draggin' down the dragon.
(JAKE GRUNTS)
WOMAN 1: Who did that?
WOMAN 2: What's he wearing?
(GRUNTS)
(STRAINING)
(DEMONS ROARING)
Dad!
Yum! That sure is
a fancy dragon costume right there.
Darn tootin'!
(LAUGHS) Aren't you guys glad
we worked hard
on our dragon?
That one looked so Fakey-McFakerson.
-Was that...
-Jake?
Man, you dudes aren't bag-head ugly,
you're box-head ugly. (GASPS)
(GRUNTS)
-(JAKE GRUNTING)
-(DEMONS ROARING)
(CHATTER)
Special effects!
Whoa!
(GROANING)
I think being stuck in a box
made them a little cranky.
Come on, all you have to do
is get them back in the box.
One at a time!
Just pitch me one right here,
I'll catch it.
(GRUNTING) Hi-ya!
That's it, buddy!
Bring the heat! Bring it!
Pull up! Pull up!
(FU GRUNTING)
Strike!
-(CROWD CHEERING)
-Dude, how did they do the talking dog?
(BOTH PANTING)
There it is!
BOTH: Stop!
We can't catch him.
No, but ortho-cloggy can.
(GRUNTS)
Lightweight, yet sturdy.
Ha, I knew they'd come in handy.
Or footy.
(GRUNTING)
Okay, the costumes aren't that bad,
but I can totally see the wires.
Honey, I don't know
how your brother got in this mess,
but I think he
needs your help.
Finally! Being a fake dragon
is so less fun than the real thing.
(CROWD GASPS)
See, Haley, now that
is a convincing dragon.
You got... Where'd she go?
Uh, potty break.
Haley! Whose side are you on?
You're free, aren't you?
-So what's the plan?
-We gotta get Ugly and Uglier
into that box that Fu's holding.
Haley, remember
that noodle fight
-we had last Chinese New Year's?
-Oh, yeah!
Maybe Snarly Brown over there
would like one of your noodle wigs.
(DEMONS ROARING)
Happy noodle year, creep!
Ah!
Going back, back, back...
(GRUNTS) He makes the catch!
(CHEERING)
(JAKE GRUNTING)
-Come on!
-HALEY: Get in there!
(CHANTING) Dragon! Dragon! Dragon!
Okay! Because you all demanded it,
grand finale time!
JAKE: Huh?
(JAKE YELLS)
(GRUNTING)
Got 'em all, kid. Good thing, too,
'cause there ain't that much
fluff left in my cushion.
Haley, where have you been?
You could've picked up a few tips
from the big dragon show.
I heard the crowd cheering
from the bathroom.
You must've been
one awesome dragon, huh, Dad?
Well, I...
You know, I'm just trying to do
justice to my heritage.
SPUD: Carefully...
BOTH: Phew!
Got these monkeys back in the cage.
And we got this baby back together
in one piece.
More like 477 pieces.
Nice try, though. (GASPS)
Where's 478?
(ALL GASP)
Looking for this?
I found it outside.
Any problems minding the shop?
-Nah! Easy-peasy, lemon squeezy.
-Yeah, yeah, nothing going on here.
Snoozefest.
(SIGHS) Actually, Gramps,
we did have problems. Big problems.
Hmm. By problems, do you perhaps mean
accidentally sweeping trash
out of the shop,
resulting in near-catastrophic bad luck
until everything was returned?
Hold up. You knew what was happening
this whole time,
-and you didn't help?
-(CHUCKLES)
Some lessons are more fun to watch
than to teach.
-So I dug through trash...
-And I licked slime...
And I had my crippling fear
of crickets exposed...
...just so Jake could learn
a lesson about his culture?
I only said it was fun for Grandpa.
But come, now.
Time for the best part
of the New Year celebration.
Sorry for not listening to you, Gramps.
I understand.
I must admit, there are times
when I don't listen as well, either.
You should've seen it, G!
It was kind of a backflip
into a 180 Ollie with...
(MUSIC VOLUME INCREASING)
And did you know, on Chinese New Year,
you're supposed to put out
lychee nuts to help the family get along?
I don't know what lychee nuts are,
but we should
definitely put 'em out next year.
Oh, and did you know washing
your hair is bad luck, too...
(MUSIC VOLUME INCREASING)
JAKE: Hey Grandpa, are you even
listening to me? Gramps!