American Dragon: Jake Long (2005–2007): Season 2, Episode 18 - The Love Cruise - full transcript

So, I was thinking...

Tonight's the school's Love Cruise.

And, well,
I was wondering if you'd go with me.

I'd love to,
but, we're gonna have to be careful.

(CHUCKLES) Who are you again?

Kyle Wilkins is asking me,
Trixie Carter, to go on a boat

on the ocean.

Okay, see, the thing is,
just thinking about boats makes me...

Oh, oh, mama. Here come the chunks.

(RETCHING)

Jake, this combat smoke simulation



requires complete focus and concent...

-She's my boo.
-Young Dragon!

I am trying to show you
a valuable training tool

and you are talking nonsense about
who your boo.

Rose is my boo
after all we've been through.

And a love that's taboo,
going on the Love Cruise.

Me and my boo. (KISSES)

Enough rhyming!
Jake, think of your dragon form,

and it will appear
in the trail of the incense.

Whoa! Check me out in smokavision.

Now, look sharp.

Counter each attack with your mind.

Arrows.

Fireball.



Gunlak, the legendary giant mosquito
of Jiangsu.`

Ha! How you like that?

My focus and concentration are tight.

Your control over your astral form
is most impressive and... Grandson!

Ling Fa Tu, the iceberg monster!

No, no!

(GRUNTS)

(SNIFFS) Does someone smell... (SHRIEKS)

-(LOUD CRASH)
-(STRAINING)

You are becoming distracted, Jake.

And distraction is dangerous.

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

♪ He's cool, he's hot like a frozen sun ♪

♪ He's young and fast
He's the chosen one ♪

♪ People, we're not braggin' ♪

♪ He's the American Dragon ♪

♪ He's gonna stop his enemies
with his dragon power ♪

♪ Dragon teeth, dragon tail,
burnin' dragon fire ♪

♪ A real live wire ♪

♪ American Dragon ♪

♪ American Dragon ♪

♪ He's the American Dragon ♪

♪ His skills are gettin' faster ♪

♪ With Grandpa, the master ♪

♪ His destiny, what's up, G? ♪

♪ It's showtime, baby, for the legacy ♪

♪ American Dragon ♪

♪ I'm a dragon, I'm not braggin'
It's my destiny ♪

♪ I'm the magical protector of the NYC ♪

Ya heard?

♪ American Dragon ♪

Yeow!

(SIRENS WAILING DISTANTLY)

-(TRASH CAN RATTLES)
-(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

(GRUNTS)

Ha!

Rose, we must talk.

You want me to break up with Jake?

I am only concerned for his safety.

But I could never hurt him.

I realize that might sound strange
coming from someone

who spent the last year
trying to slay him,

but, I could never break his heart,
or my own.

You must understand, Rose,

your personal relationship
with my grandson

has made him unfocused and distracted.

And an unfocused and distracted dragon...

Is a slain dragon.

The taught us that
at the Huntsclan Academy.

If you truly care for my grandson,
you will do what is best for him.

Even if that means

keeping your relationship
strictly professional.

So, now, Kyle thinks
the sight of him makes me hurl.

Why don't you just tell him
you get seasick really easily?

That way he'll know it wasn't personal.

And risk covering his kicks
with another technicolor tidal wave?

Nuh-uh. I'm cool on that.

Well, I officially don't care anymore.

I'm done. Done with the Love Cruise
and I'm done with Stacey.

(LAPTOP BEEPING)

Oh, hey, Stacey just updated her blog.

Let's see what she's... (GASPS) No!

Spud, please!

Nobody cares what Stacey's writing
in her dumb...

"Dear cyber friends, I am so...
smiley face, smiley face, smiley face.

"I am for real going on the Love Cruise
with..."

Kyle Wilkins?

Man, who's ever in charge
of this love thing

needs a serious beat down.

-If I ever...
-CUPID: Hola, babies!

(SPEAKING SPANISH)
It's Cupid, king of the loving.

Dang! Now that is service.

(TRIXIE SHRIEKS ANGRILY)

Save me from the woman scorned.

Let me go. He's mine!

Keep her back. Where is the love?

Hey, it's Cupid. (CHUCKLES)
Long time no see.

Time for another vacation already?

A vacation? (SCOFFS) Like he deserves one.

Easy, chica.

You mustn't blame all your
romantic booboos on the Cupid.

The romance is not easy to control,

even with
my precious little arrows of love.

Speaking of which, take good care of them,
Mr. Magical World Protector.

Papi is off to Cancun
to get his groove back. Aye!

Uh, what the heck
am I supposed to do with these?

FU: It's part of the job, kid.

Any of the more powerful magical items
out there,

you know, Santa's Naughty or Nice List,
the Grim Reaper's scythe,

Cupid's bow and arrows,

it's up to the local Dragon
to protect them.

Papi will be back in two weeks, babies.

Watch my stuff good. Okay? (KISSES)

Sure thing, and when you're back,

I got a favor to ask about
a couple of Chow Chow twins

who live around the corner.
Oh, Chow Chows.

Guys, guys, check this website.

According to Ask Miss Myth,
anybody hit by one of Cupid's arrows

will fall madly in love with
the next person they see.

I'm thinking we use a few of them to...

Say what? Sorry, Spud, no can do.

Besides, I'm already madly in love.

Ow!

-You okay?
-Rose.

Oh, heck, yeah. Just a thorn.

Check it. I'm glad I ran into you.

I remember you said you liked roses, so...

I don't think we should
go on the Love Cruise.

Huh? Well, that's cool.

We could just say in,
rent a couple Kung Fu movies.

What I mean is,
I don't think we should go together.

So, you wanna take separate rides?

-Jake, do you trust me?
-Well, yeah, totally.

Then just trust that
I really have feelings for you,

but we need to spend some time apart.

I'm sorry.

But, uh...

Spud, you're the only person I know
who drowns his sorrows in gum.

-What happened?
-I don't know.

Rose said she isn't going
on the cruise with me.

She just said to trust her.

Okay. Love officially stinks.
I mean, it just never works out.

Am I right?

I never thought this could ever work out.

STACEY: Give me an L-O-V-E.

Love is real for you and me. (CHUCKLES)

Check it. Everybody's getting
their fairy-tale, love story happy ending

except us.

(MUMBLING)

Huh? Hold up. I got an idea.

-(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)
-Hey, G, Fu.

What's up?

Listen. I know I'm supposed to be guarding
Cupid's bow and arrow,

so, I was thinking I better just take 'em
with me on the cruise. Cool?

Very well.

Do not allow yourself to be distracted
from your duty.

Gramps, please!

I'm sure once I get these babies
on the boat,

I won't be the least bit tempted to
misuse them for my own personal gain.

Well, peace.

So, I'm guessing
you want me to follow him

and keep him
from getting into trouble, right?

Yup.

So, all I got to do is fire off
a few of these love rockets

towards Stacey and Kyle and bingo!

Houston, we have no love problems.

Okay, I can do this.

It's just a boat
and the water's smooth as glass.

Is this shaking? Why is this shaking?
Who's shaking this?

(TRIXIE GAGGING)

You guys see Rose anywhere?
I want to keep an eye on her.

-Dude, don't you trust her?
-(SCOFFS) Totally!

I think.

Gotta stay on the kid.
Gotta stay on the kid.

Gotta... Do I smell toasted ravioli?

Go, go, go!

Thank you so much
for asking me to come with you, Rose.

I know it may be hard to believe,

but I actually don't have
too many close friends. (CHUCKLES, SNORTS)

Really? That is hard to believe.

Want to conjugate some Latin verbs?

Well, uh, how about some punch?

How's your stomach feeling, Trix?

-So far so good.
-That's great.

Hey, whatever you do, don't think about
the constant lurching of the boat.

You know, the back and forth,
the back and forth.

-Back and...
-(TRIXIE GAGGING)

-(TRIXIE RETCHING)
-Huh. I don't see Rose anywhere.

BRAD: Hey, Rosalicious.

Listen, you're the hottest girl here

and I am by far the hottest guy.

Together, we would sizzle for shizzle.

There she is.
At the punch bowl with Brad.

Oh!

-Oh!
-Huh.

Rose with Brad. That's totally cool.

If you guys don't mind,
I'm just gonna go...

weep in the boys' room.

Come on, Rosalicious.

You know I'm hot and I know I'm hot.

Why fight this, baby?

If you're so hot, let me cool you off.

Hey, how'd you know that
Bradster was thirsty?

JAKE: If I didn't know better,

I'd say the girl of my dreams
is playing me to be here with Brad.

It's like I said,

everybody is getting their fairy-tale,
love story happy ending except us.

Not for long.

It's time to let the love fly.

We just gotta make sure
you guys are the first peeps

Stacey and Kyle peep after I hit 'em.

Bro, are you sure you know
how this thing works?

You're right. Better try one on Rotwood
just to make sure.

Huh?

Ah, Lady Liberty... (GRUNTS)

I... I've... I've never really felt
this way about anyone before.

Kind of a loner, you know,
just me and the sea.

But with you, it's different.
It takes a big man to

love an even bigger woman.

And well, I love you, Miss Liberty!

Okay, take two.

(ROTWOOD GASPS) I love this song.

I mean, I really, really love this song.

Yeah, that's right, Jakey.
Now let me try.

No, me!

(ALL GASP EXCITEDLY)

(SHRIEKS) I love you!

(SHRIEKS EXCITEDLY)

Well, can't have too much love.

This is gonna be
the best cruise ever!

And my tummy is straight.
Nothing but smooth sailing ahead.

CAPTAIN: I'm on my way, baby!

(THUNDER CLAPPING)

Okay, get into position.

Remember, you two have to be
the first people Kyle and Stacey see.

-SPUD: Ready-o!
-On it.

They say women accidentally eat,
like, a pound of lip gloss every year

and I totally believe that.

-Hey.
-Hey.

(GASPS)

(KYLE MOANS)

Trixie, you came.

And my heart is alight.

Like, I have no idea who you are,

(GASPS) but I totally love you!

Want to know my favorite Latin quote?

(SPEAKING LATIN)

"A little song, a little dance,
a little seltzer down your pants!"

-(CHUCKLES)
-I think I need some air.

Sorry, Rose.

But no way am I losing you to Brad.

(GRUNTS) Huh? Jake.

Hey, Rose.

I am so glad to see you.

But Tricia, you spelled L-O-V-E.

I'm a cheerleader, Joshua.
I spell a lot of things.

You can't have that whole thing.

But we were meant for each other.

Jake, close your eyes.

Yeah, okay.

ROSE: Hiya!

(THUNDERCLAP)

Uh, Rose?

I think we need to work on your kissing.

Prepare to be slain, Dragon.

What?

(GRUNTS)

But why?

Because I hate you!

(ROSE GRUNTS ANGRILY)

Dragon up!

(ROSE SHRIEKS, GRUNTS)

Hey, kid, toasted ravioli?

Fu, what are you doing here?

What does it look like I'm doing?

I'm making sure you don't do
something stupid with the...

Hold up. Where's Cupid's love kit, kid?

Aw, man! I must have
left it out on the deck.

Listen, Fu, Rose suddenly hates me
and wants to slay me again.

Let me guess. Either you told her
that dress makes her look hippy,

or you shot her with a love arrow.

A direct hit.

So why is she trying to skewer me
like a shish kebab?

-Simple, kid. She must love you.
-Say what now?

Cupid's arrows have
a kind of positive, negative charge.

You hit an 'A' that's already
deeply in love with 'B,'

then bingo, bango, bazingo,
the love turns to hate.

So Rose loves me?

Correction. She loved you.
Now she hates you.

Wow! That's awesome and horrible.

The only thing that can reverse the
effects of Cupid's arrow is Cupid's arrow.

If we're gonna fix this,
you gotta hit her with another one.

Let's go.

Oh!

Uh, Fu, where's the city?

Uh, more importantly,
where is the captain?

Ah, kid, you hit the captain
with an arrow, too?

Uh, it's possible.

-(LOUD RUMBLING)
-(BOTH SCREAMING)

Great, we got no captain,

and we're heading out to sea,
right into a storm.

Oy vey! This ain't good.

I'll get Cupid's gear.

Do that. I'll figure out a way to
steer this thing back towards the city.

There is no love. There is no anything.

-Despair has pierced my soul like a... Ow!
-(THUDDING)

Oh, joy. The perfect stinking metaphor.

Huh? Aw, man!

This is Huntsgirl
calling Huntsclan Command.

I've cornered the American Dragon
on a cruise ship.

HUNTSMAN: Copy that, Huntsgirl.

I also know the human identity
of the American Dragon.

-His name is Jake Long.
-(THUNDERCLAP)

Say it again, Huntsgirl.
You're breaking up.

We're losing the transmission
in the storm.

I'm activating my homing beacon.

Send backup to these coordinates now.

(WHIMPERING)

I just love you so much, like,

almost...

(TRIXIE GROANING)

Kyle, do you know
how freaky town this is?

JOSHUA: Like arrows into the darkness,

this is how we live.

Okay, is starboard left and port right,

or is the port right
and the starboard wrong...

(SHRIEKING)

Well, hello.

How much is that doggy
in the window?

(BABBLING)

(ROSE GRUNTS ANGRILY)

It ends now.

Rose, listen to me.
I hit you with one of Cupid's arrows.

You only hate me because you love me.

The hate I feel for you is real.

No one's gonna win, Rose.
We're evenly matched.

I'm going to win, Jake.
I've brought reinforcements.

Aw, man!

Dragon up!

Huh? Whoa!

Whoa!

Rose, listen. Unless we do something,

this ship's going down
with everybody onboard.

(GRUNTS ANGRILY)
As long as you're going down with it.

(ROSE GRUNTS ANGRILY)

(HUNTSMEN GROAN)

Whoa!

ROSE: Come on!

Uh, Kyle, you might not wanna
squeeze so hard, or I might...

Might what?

Don't be shy, princess.
Whatever it is, just let it out.

(RETCHING)

See? Now a part of you
will always be with me.

(SPUD STRAINING)

Phew! Uh, Stacey,
um, you're cutting off my circulation.

And my circulation is
one of things that makes me, me.

Oh? Uh-huh. It's, like,
such a small price to pay

for closeness.

TRIXIE: Hey-o, Spud, check it.

We gotta ditch the deadweight
and stop him before he uses them all up.

Do the old "Wrong Way" Corrigan play
from grade school kickball.

Uh, I don't know what that is,
but, look, a kickball.

-With our pictures on it.
-Ooh!

(STACEY SHRIEKS EXCITEDLY)

(BOTH GRUNT)

TRIXIE: Yeah, Spud, that ought to hold
those love freaks.

No! My Spuddy!

Trixie!

Excuse us. You mind if we take
the bow and arrows off your hands?

-Actually, I...
-No? Oh, great, thanks.

Come on. We got just enough arrows
to hook it all up.

(FU GROWLING) I just look at you
and it's like bow-wow!

Fu, why aren't you steering the ship?

Don't you talk to him that way.

He's a hero and he'll save us all.

You really think so?
You really think I'm a hero?

Aw, man!

-(DOOR OPENS)
-Hope you don't mind, Dragon.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

I'm a bit of a backseat driver.

-I need my Spuddy!
-Trixie!

Huh? What?

Okay, I have no idea
how I got tied to Kyle Wilkins,

(GIGGLES) but I'm so not complaining.

Uh, what's that on my shoes?

(SHRIEKS) Gross!
Get away from me. Get away from me!

I just love your wrinkles.

Say, would you care for
a little belly rub?

ROSE: Hiya!

(ROSE GRUNTING) Hiya!

(GRUNTING ANGRILY)

-TRIXIE: Jakey!
-Game over, Dragon.

-(LOUD RUMBLING)
-(BOTH SHRIEKING)

FU: Oh, a little belly rub
on the tummy and...

What the... What am I doing?

(SHRIEKS, WHIMPERS)

Giant whirlpool!

Rose, this isn't you.

You don't wanna slay Dragons anymore.

You're right. I just wanna slay you!

Whoa! (GRUNTS)

-ROSE: Hiya!
-Jake, catch.

(ROSE GRUNTING ANGRILY)

Whoa!

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(YELPS)

Huntsgirl, where's the Dragon?

You fools! You wanna know
where the Dragon is?

He...

He's escaped.

That way. You can still catch him.

Rose, are you okay?

You... You used
one of Cupid's arrows on me?

I... I was supposed to be guarding 'em.

But then I saw you with Brad.

I guess... I guess I thought
you didn't like me anymore.

If I'd known this whole thing
was gonna almost get me slain, I...

An unfocused and a distracted Dragon
is a slain Dragon.

-What?
-I'm sorry, Jake.

But I don't think this is gonna work out.

Rose, don't say that!
I should have trusted you. I...

From now on, I think
we need to keep our relationship...

strictly professional.

But...

(UPBEAT SONG PLAYING)

Rub'n'thug with a milkshake chug
Rub'n'thug with a milkshake chug

What... What is this milkshake chug?

I'm telling you,
you said you loved this sandwich.

No way! I like ciabatta bread
with olive tapenade.

This is like sliced boring on a hard roll.

-Hey.
-Hey.

Um, I don't know what's going on,

but I don't know why I wasn't with you.

'Cause that's where I wanna be.
With you.

Well, looks like we got
everybody back to normal.

Jakey, I'm sorry about you and Rose.

I did it myself, Trix.

Rose had real feelings for me.

I just didn't trust her.

-(DOOR OPENS)
-Happy lunes. Papi is home.

Baby, what happened?

It looks like someone took your corazón,

tied it to a bowling ball
and rolled ten frames.

Something like that.

Nuh-uh.

I no seeing as many arrows in here
as I came in with, mijo.

You were right about love.

You can't control it,
you can't create it,

and even then, sometimes,
it isn't enough.

Oh! No sad faces.

Papi has just the cure
for your broken heart.

Chocolates and a bite of
heartbreak butter butter ice cream.

Try and have some fun, baby.
That's what papi's gonna do.

-(LOUD RUMBLING)
-Huh?

Grandson, your duty calls.

A griffin is loose in the streets.

-(TIRES SCREECHING)
-(GRIFFIN SQUAWKS)

On my way, Gramps.

FU: We sure had some fun
with Cupid's arrows today, huh, gang?

But it all got fixed in the end.

Yes, sir, every single last...

CAPTAIN: I'm on my way, baby!

FU: Oh, boy!

You've made me the happiest skipper
on land or sea, Miss Liberty.

Or should I call you Mrs. Boat Captain?

FU: Oh, boy!

Well, seven out of eight fixed
ain't bad, right?

(FU BABBLING)