American Dragon: Jake Long (2005–2007): Season 2, Episode 17 - Switcheroo - full transcript
(JAKE GROANS)
Bathroom!
Morning, Haley.
Morning, Jake.
Dragon up!
-Ha! All mine.
-Dragon u-up!
Good morning, familia. (GRUNTING)
JAKE: Ha! Now you can skip breakfast,
little sis, 'cause you're eating my dust.
(SCREAMING)
(HALEY GIGGLING)
(CHUCKLING) I'll tell you,
those morning races for the bathroom
are becoming more and more exciting.
It almost looked like you and your sister
were flying down the hall there.
Aw, man!
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
♪ He's cool, he's hot like a frozen sun ♪
♪ He's young and fast,
he's the chosen one ♪
♪ People, we're not bragging ♪
♪ He's the American Dragon ♪
♪ He's gonna stop his enemies
with his dragon power ♪
♪ Dragon teeth, dragon tail,
burning dragon fire ♪
♪ A real live wire ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ He's the American Dragon ♪
♪ His skills are getting faster
with Grandpa the master! ♪
♪ His destiny will walk up streets!
It's showtime baby for the legacy! ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
(WOMAN RAPPING) ♪ I'm a dragon,
I'm not braggin', it's my destiny ♪
♪ I'm the magical protector of the NYC,
ya heard? ♪
(JONAS SINGING) ♪ American Dragon ♪
(GONG SOUNDING)
Ah, Jake, I need you to walk
Haley to school,
and pick her up again this afternoon.
-But, Dad...
-No whats, buts, or candied nuts.
Just mind your sister, mister.
Hey! Another perfect pancake.
Oh, I am on a hotcake hot streak.
(CHUCKLES)
(GROWLS) Will you hurry it up?
Thanks to you hogging the bathroom, I get
detention from Rotwood every morning.
I'm sorry, Jake,
but some of us need time
to do more than simply slather
toxic amounts of gel into our hair.
Hey! I do not slather. I guge.
And at least I have
some style going on here.
Check out your lame threads.
These "threads" happen to be
perfectly matching, perfectly pressed--
And perfectly boring.
You gotta have some fun, show some flash.
Make a statement. Bling out.
And what "statement" is your
bling suit making exactly?
I'm a wannabe hip-hop skateboard rat
who doesn't know--
JAKE: Mm-mm-mm.
(SUSHING) It's Rose!
(SLOW INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)
HALEY: Hmm, she's pretty...
Graceful, reads books,
I--I'd say she's way out of your league.
I need to say something to her.
I mean, we were kind of together,
now we're kind of broken up.
I don't know. But I should, you know,
definitely holla at her.
-Did you say "holla" at her?
-Yeah, you know, give a little shout out.
Lay down a few lines,
work the old playa mazzagic.
"Shout out"?
"Playa"? "Mazzagic"?
Why don't you just tell her how you feel?
Or better yet, why don't you show her?
You wouldn't understand
this kind of thing, Haley.
You gotta be smooth.
You know, play it cool.
Jake, you're hiding behind a mailbox.
I'm reasonably certain
this doesn't qualify as "cool."
(BAND MUSIC PLAYING)
Good morning, gifted children.
Oh, Haley. Always right on time
and always a pleasure.
Good morning, Ms. Birch.
I brought you an apple
and a ten-page horticulture report
on the species origins
and seeding process.
You have a very special sister there,
young man.
Yeah, she keeps reminding me.
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)
-(SCREAMS)
-ROTWOOD: Late again, Mr. Long.
I'm afraid
it will mean detention
unless you can perhaps
tell me the capital of, say...
Oh, well, let me th-- Albania!
(AMUSING INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)
I want you to paint
something that inspires you.
Reach deep into your gifted souls.
(SNORING)
JAKE: Keep on target... Yeah!
(PLAYING VIOLIN)
(GRUNTING)
(GRUNTING)
(ALL CHANTING) Go Jake! Go Jake! Go Jake!
-Go Jake!
-(ALL CLAPPING)
Tomorrow afternoon, representatives of
the prestigious Dumont Institute Of Dance
will be here
to evaluate your progress.
One, and only one,
lucky student will be awarded
a two-week internship at
The Dumont Institute in Paris this summer.
Obonne chance, ladies!
Paris! C'est magnifique!
Didn't you hear what she said, Haley?
Only one student can be chosen,
and it's not going to be you.
-Spud, please.
-No, I'm telling you, it's a medical fact.
If you sneeze, hiccup, cough,
and burp all at the same time,
your brain will explode.
I have this cousin,
he did it in third grade.
We had to send him to a hospital.
Aah! It's Rose!
(ALL GRUNT)
Dude, you've been acting really weird
about this whole Rose thing.
And coming from me,
that's saying something.
How long are you gonna
keep this up?
You obviously have a lot of
feelings for the girl.
Just talk to her, playa.
Uh, I...
Just don't have the words.
Hey, Haley, I just wanted to wish you
good luck at the dance audition tomorrow.
You'll need it.
Olivia Meers has a soul
of pure and endless darkness.
Who? That sweet little girl?
Sweet? Sweet? She's--
MAN: Help! Somebody help!
Come on!
Eye of the dragon.
Haley, wait here. Dragon up!
But, Jake--
(GRUNTING)
We'll take that, you leprechaun fool.
Yeah! I've got the feelin'
for some stealin.'
I've got the feverin' for some thieverin.'
I'm feeling snobbery for some robbery!
Okay, now you're just reaching.
(GRUNTING) (SCREAMS)
Need a lift?
Jake, laddie. Oh, thank the sweet heavens.
Those two hooligans just made off with
the ancient mirror of Scission!
-The ancient what of what, now?
-It's a sacred leprechaun relic.
You have to get it back, boyo!
Wow! Check this out.
The Huntsman is gonna love this thing!
What do you think he wants it for?
I suppose use it as a paperweight,
or to shave in the shower, or--
JAKE: Or you can give it back. (GRUNTING)
(GASPS AND BLOWS)
Okay, there's two of us
against one of him.
-So, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
-Yeah. Okay, on three.
One, two...
-Three. Run away, run away!
-Let's get out of here!
-The mirror!
-(CLANKING)
No!
Haley! I told you to wait back there!
(SIGHS) I know. It's a good thing
I don't actually listen to you.
Ah, sure.
The Legendary Mirror of Scission.
It's shiny, powerful and I swear,
it takes 10 pounds off my waistline.
Look at me! I'm svelte.
The mirror is a sacred artifact.
Crucial to keeping the peace
between leprechaun tribes.
It is most fortunate
that you retrieved it.
Well, technically, I was
the one who recovered it.
-Jake let it fall off a building.
-Do you have to do that?
-Try to take credit for everything?
-Only for things I'm good at...
which-- You're right! Is everything. Hm.
Ha! Look at yourself.
You couldn't handle the pressure of being
the American Dragon, and you know it.
"Pressure"? You want pressure?
Try going to a gifted school
where you have to be perfect
at everything all the time.
Yeah. I'm sure being perfect
it's a real burden for you.
It's a lot harder than slacking off
all the time, which is what you do.
It's called having fun.
Maybe you should try it someday.
-Fine!
-Fine!
(JAKE GROANS)
The bathroom!
Sorry, Haley, but this time--
(IN HALEY'S VOICE) Jake? What's happening?
(IN JAKE'S VOICE) Haley? But--
(BOTH SCREAMING)
(BOTH SCREAMING)
(YAWNS) Good morning, familia.
What say we fire up the waffle iron
and-- (SCREAMS)
(IN HALEY'S VOICE) Jake,
I--I don't understand what's happening.
When I talk, I hear my own angelic voice,
but it's coming out of your awkward
and adolescent warped body.
(IN JAKE'S VOICE) What about me?
You think I enjoy being two feet tall?
Plus, I'm a girl. A girl!
Go back to my room and get dressed.
We gotta go to grandpa's shop!
-You've got to be kidding.
-Whatever. Let's get going.
Oh, yeah. It's the reflective reaction
of the old Scission switcherooski.
At some point yesterday you two must have
accidentally activated the mirror.
-The mirror did this to us?
-But how? What went wrong?
Nothing went wrong. The mirror did
exactly what it was built to do.
Here's the deal.
Leprechauns used to be warring tribes,
always fighting with each other.
The mirror changed all that.
It gave enemy chiefs
the chance to trade bodies for a day.
Trade bodies?
You call this a fair trade of bodies?
I exercise. I eat all my vegetables.
I floss. I shampoo and condition.
Oh, will you give it a rest.
FU: The point is, once the leprechaun
chiefs switched bodies,
they got a chance to see life
from the other guy's point of view.
It put an end
to all the fight and feuding.
So get the mirror
and change us back.
I have a ballet audition this afternoon.
It's a chance to train
at the Dumont Institute in Paris.
It's a dream come true.
This isn't about you
and your stupid audition.
The important thing is to get the Am-Drag
back in his body so he can do his thing.
There's one little hitch in the giddy-up.
I don't have the mirror.
Grandpa already left to return it
to the leprechaun council.
-But what are we supposed to do?
-Don't worry. I'll get the mirror back.
In the meantime, you kids need to get
to school. Act like everything is normal.
Normal? How am I supposed to go
to school in this body?
Yeah, won't that be a little suspicious?
No, you don't get it. Jake, you need to
go to Haley's school in her body.
Haley, you need to go to
Jake's school in his body.
Haven't either of you
seen this kind of movie before?
I'm afraid that isn't gonna work, Fu.
I go to a school gifted children.
Jake won't be able
to fit in there.
Yeah, right. Like it would be so hard
to fit in at your school.
All I have to is strut around going,
"Look how perfect I am.
"I'm so smart and special.
Everyone give me attention!"
Well, all I need to do is
fill my speech pattern
with unbearable hip-hop
slang from five years ago.
Yo, yo! Check me out. The Am-Drag is
in the his-house with the rad skills.
Holla!
That's great. Keep working
on doing each other's voices.
And remember, you two wait to use
each other's dragon powers,
so no dragoning up or down
or anything.
I'll meet you in the park
with the mirror at lunch.
I can't believe you're actually going
to my school in that suit.
I haven't worn that thing
since aunt Mimi's wedding.
And what did you do to my hair?
I combed it.
And what about what you 'wearing?
That was my Halloween costume last year!
I can't be seen on that.
Why? Are you afraid you might be
mistaken for somebody cool?
Oh, Haley.
Oh! You're five minutes late.
It is so not like you.
No, I'm normally right on time
because I hog the bathroom every morning.
But I'm late today,
so why don't you just give me detention,
-or expel me or something? I--
-(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
Isn't she just adorable? Well, off you go,
my beloved and perfect little sister.
I'm warning you,
I have a reputation here!
I know. And I got until lunchtime
to completely ruin it.
(BURPS LOUDLY)
Two can play at that game.
Tick tock, Mr. Long. Detention again.
Unless you can perhaps tell me
the capital of Paraguay?
Mm...
(CLEARS THROAT) Yes, Paraguay.
Capital city, Asuncion.
Population, 6.5 million.
National currency, the Guarani.
Oh, and interesting fact,
the country's flag has a different
official seal on each side.
-Holla!
-Huh? But, I, uh...
Professor Rotwood, could you please
hand me some of those applications?
I'd like to sign up to join
the chess club,
the debate team, and the algebra athletes.
Jake, what are you doing?
All that overachieving stuff's a
one way ticket to geeksville.
Yeah. Are you sure
you wanna get on that train?
Oh, yeah. I'm gonna teach him--
I mean, I'm gonna teach myself
a little lesson.
-(PLAYING VIOLIN)
-That's it.
Let the music flow through you.
-Yeah! Guitar solo! Rock on!
-(STRUMMING VIOLIN)
(GASPS)
(CLATTERING)
(GRUMBLES IN DISBELIEF)
-(SNORING)
-(CLEARS THROAT) Sorry to wake you,
but I believe we were in the middle
of covering chapter 11.
And aren't we long overdue
for a pop quiz?
Nice going, doofus.
Whoo-hoo! Food fight!
(GRUNTS)
Are you sure you don't want
to markup my permanent record,
or hit me with detention or something?
Oh, well, we've never needed
detention at this school--
Until now.
We're his friends, Trixie.
Shouldn't we be stopping him?
Look here, baby bubba, I tried.
He wouldn't listen to me.
Oh, no. Here it comes.
I can't bear to watch.
(ALL LAUGHING)
We gotta do something.
I mean, isn't this some kind of
health risk?
He could actually die from the shame.
Ah, yeah. I got this.
I'll talk to the boy. Again!
Okay, class. Time to resume
our artistic works of inspiration.
Oh, yeah! Get ready for some
splatty-boom-batty!
Wow.
That's... amazing.
-She-- I mean, I, I did this?
-Of course, dear.
Oh, remember the assignment was to
capture something that inspires you.
Something you admire.
You're not gonna start
throwing paint, are you?
So, Jakie, I know you've been having
a rough time with Rose and everything,
but I just want to make sure
there's nothing seriously wrong with you.
No, no, I, I'm fine. You know,
just a little voice-cracking thing.
Why, why do you ask... Yo?
Well, besides the whole suit and tie,
chess club, math team, and ballet recital,
this is also the third time you've
followed me into the girls' bathroom.
-(TOILET FLUSHING)
-(GIRLS SCREAMING)
A healthy lunch
makes for healthy feet.
The judges from The Dumont Institute
will be here in one hour.
Come on, kids, where are you?
I got a date to go swimming with
a Portuguese water dog in a-- Wow!
-Thanks, dog man!
-Yeah! How you like me now, fool?
-Fu dog! Are you okay?
-What happened?
(SPUTTERING) Whoa!
It was those two hunts yahoos,
88 and 89.
They blasted me and took the mirror.
We gotta get it back!
My ballet audition is about to start.
I'm afraid it's a little more
serious than that.
If you two don't get switched back
to your bodies by sundown,
you're gonna be stuck like that forever!
-Fu, which way did they go?
-Go that way.
Haley, listen. I need you to dragon up
and go after them.
You have all my dragon powers.
But, uh...I don't know if I can.
Sure you can. I've been to your school.
You paint, play violin--
You're my little sis.
There's nothing you can't do.
Oh, Jake...
That's a double negative.
But, thanks, anyway.
And don't worry,
I'll have your back the whole way.
Now, let's do this... together.
BOTH: Dragon up!
Whoa! You really are the man!
This is awesome!
It's about time you give
your big bro his props.
Ah, Haley, you might want to back off
- on the wing action or you might...
-(GASPS AND SCREAMS)
-...stall.
-(SCREAMING)
Haley! You need to get your speed back up!
Dive! Dive!
-But I can't!
-(GRUNTS) Listen.
You need to turn over or you're gonna
end up a big dragon splat on the sidewalk!
Help me!
Okay, point down.
Now open your wings.
(SIGHS) Thanks, Jake. You really are
a lot stronger than you look.
Hey, saving magical creatures
is what I do.
Besides, I can't have you
messing up my pretty face.
Now, let's go kick some hunts butt.
The Huntsman is gonna pin a medal on me
when he sees what I got him.
Wait. What you got him?
You mean what I got him!
JAKE: You mean, what you stole for him...
Or tried to.
Okay, Haley, dragon fire! Now!
Just brace yourself
for the kickback, because--
(SCREAMS)
-Haley?
-Yeah, baby!
The American Dragon just went down.
The Huntsman is gonna
give us a promotion for sure!
(GRUNTS)
Now we just gotta
take care of the little one.
-(LASER FIRING)
-(GRUNTING)
Man, it is not easy getting around
with these teeny wings! (GRUNTS)
-(THUDS)
-Dude! I got her!
Get over here
and finish her off!
(BOTH GRUNTING)
-Yeah, take some of that!
-Quit it!
-What are you doing?
-I'm clubbing me a dragon, fool!
What? I'm no dragon, I'm 89!
(LAUGHS) Yeah, right.
That is the oldest trick in the book.
You know what? If you're 89,
then where's the dragon--
-Right here, Hunts chump.
-(GRUNTS)
-JAKE: Now to switch it back.
-(WHIRRING)
Hey! I'm me! I'm-- (GRUNTS)
-88: Take this, dragon!
-89: It's me!
-(WHIRRING)
-89: I'm back in my body again!
Wait a minute.
This isn't me.
Hey! Hey-- Hey, you're me!
Give me me back!
(SCOFFS) Amateurs.
(PANTING) Hey! You guys okay?
Haley! Haley!
Come on. We got the mirror. Let's get
you guys back in your proper bodies.
-But, she's out cold.
-That still be fine, kid.
At least she'll be out cold in
her own body, and you'll get yours back.
Not yet, Fu.
There's something I gotta do first.
(PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)
Very nice. Is that everyone?
There was one other student
I thought you should see, Haley Long,
-but I'm afraid she's--
-(DOOR OPENS)
Here! I'm right here, miss Birch!
I'm sorry I'm late.
Can I still audition?
By all means.
(PLAYING PIANO)
Well, here goes nothing.
(GROWLING IN DISAPPOINTMENT)
Oh! (GROWLS)
-(GRUNTING)
-(THUDS)
(PIANO PLAYING OFF-KEY)
I'm terribly sorry.
I didn't mean to, um--
I guess the auditions are over, n'est pas?
Hold up!
This audition isn't over--
Not yet.
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
I was just warming up.
(ALL CLAPPING AND CHEERING)
Dance lives. Dance breathes!
Sometimes it dies,
but it can also return to life
embodied in the inventive
and audacious moves of a little girl.
Oh, we look forward to seeing you in Paris
this summer, Miss Long.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
-You did so great!
-Congratulations!
Thanks, Jake.
(WHIRRING)
Well, (CHUCKLES) I hope the time
you spent in each other's bodies
has taught you something.
What? That Haley has no friends?
Or that Jake has unnatural hair
and knows nothing about women?
What? Knows nothing about women?
Mad playa Jake?
The MacDaddy Dragon?
Don Dragon DeMarco?
Are you playing with me?
Don't worry. I took care of her for you.
Huh?
(SLOW INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)
Morning, Haley.
Jake, let's not do this.
Switching bodies for a day
has given me a whole new perspective
and appreciation for your life.
-After you, big brother.
-Really?
Okay. (CHUCKLES)
That's really cool of you,
because I... (GRUNTS)
-Ha! Sucker!
-You little...
FATHER: Good morning, ki-- (THUDS)
What... You... (GRUNTS) My eye! Ow!
88: Okay, Huntsman, so all right,
you couldn't get mirror of Scission
you wanted...
89: But check out these other magical
mirrors we picked up for you.
Look, you're tall and skinny!
Whoa! Now you're short and fat!
Ooh, now you're wavy!
So? What do you think?
He's gonna throw us
to the Kracken again, isn't he?
-(KRACKEN ROARS)
-(88 AND 89 SCREAM)
Okay, now you're
just reaching.
Bathroom!
Morning, Haley.
Morning, Jake.
Dragon up!
-Ha! All mine.
-Dragon u-up!
Good morning, familia. (GRUNTING)
JAKE: Ha! Now you can skip breakfast,
little sis, 'cause you're eating my dust.
(SCREAMING)
(HALEY GIGGLING)
(CHUCKLING) I'll tell you,
those morning races for the bathroom
are becoming more and more exciting.
It almost looked like you and your sister
were flying down the hall there.
Aw, man!
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
♪ He's cool, he's hot like a frozen sun ♪
♪ He's young and fast,
he's the chosen one ♪
♪ People, we're not bragging ♪
♪ He's the American Dragon ♪
♪ He's gonna stop his enemies
with his dragon power ♪
♪ Dragon teeth, dragon tail,
burning dragon fire ♪
♪ A real live wire ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ He's the American Dragon ♪
♪ His skills are getting faster
with Grandpa the master! ♪
♪ His destiny will walk up streets!
It's showtime baby for the legacy! ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
(WOMAN RAPPING) ♪ I'm a dragon,
I'm not braggin', it's my destiny ♪
♪ I'm the magical protector of the NYC,
ya heard? ♪
(JONAS SINGING) ♪ American Dragon ♪
(GONG SOUNDING)
Ah, Jake, I need you to walk
Haley to school,
and pick her up again this afternoon.
-But, Dad...
-No whats, buts, or candied nuts.
Just mind your sister, mister.
Hey! Another perfect pancake.
Oh, I am on a hotcake hot streak.
(CHUCKLES)
(GROWLS) Will you hurry it up?
Thanks to you hogging the bathroom, I get
detention from Rotwood every morning.
I'm sorry, Jake,
but some of us need time
to do more than simply slather
toxic amounts of gel into our hair.
Hey! I do not slather. I guge.
And at least I have
some style going on here.
Check out your lame threads.
These "threads" happen to be
perfectly matching, perfectly pressed--
And perfectly boring.
You gotta have some fun, show some flash.
Make a statement. Bling out.
And what "statement" is your
bling suit making exactly?
I'm a wannabe hip-hop skateboard rat
who doesn't know--
JAKE: Mm-mm-mm.
(SUSHING) It's Rose!
(SLOW INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)
HALEY: Hmm, she's pretty...
Graceful, reads books,
I--I'd say she's way out of your league.
I need to say something to her.
I mean, we were kind of together,
now we're kind of broken up.
I don't know. But I should, you know,
definitely holla at her.
-Did you say "holla" at her?
-Yeah, you know, give a little shout out.
Lay down a few lines,
work the old playa mazzagic.
"Shout out"?
"Playa"? "Mazzagic"?
Why don't you just tell her how you feel?
Or better yet, why don't you show her?
You wouldn't understand
this kind of thing, Haley.
You gotta be smooth.
You know, play it cool.
Jake, you're hiding behind a mailbox.
I'm reasonably certain
this doesn't qualify as "cool."
(BAND MUSIC PLAYING)
Good morning, gifted children.
Oh, Haley. Always right on time
and always a pleasure.
Good morning, Ms. Birch.
I brought you an apple
and a ten-page horticulture report
on the species origins
and seeding process.
You have a very special sister there,
young man.
Yeah, she keeps reminding me.
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)
-(SCREAMS)
-ROTWOOD: Late again, Mr. Long.
I'm afraid
it will mean detention
unless you can perhaps
tell me the capital of, say...
Oh, well, let me th-- Albania!
(AMUSING INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)
I want you to paint
something that inspires you.
Reach deep into your gifted souls.
(SNORING)
JAKE: Keep on target... Yeah!
(PLAYING VIOLIN)
(GRUNTING)
(GRUNTING)
(ALL CHANTING) Go Jake! Go Jake! Go Jake!
-Go Jake!
-(ALL CLAPPING)
Tomorrow afternoon, representatives of
the prestigious Dumont Institute Of Dance
will be here
to evaluate your progress.
One, and only one,
lucky student will be awarded
a two-week internship at
The Dumont Institute in Paris this summer.
Obonne chance, ladies!
Paris! C'est magnifique!
Didn't you hear what she said, Haley?
Only one student can be chosen,
and it's not going to be you.
-Spud, please.
-No, I'm telling you, it's a medical fact.
If you sneeze, hiccup, cough,
and burp all at the same time,
your brain will explode.
I have this cousin,
he did it in third grade.
We had to send him to a hospital.
Aah! It's Rose!
(ALL GRUNT)
Dude, you've been acting really weird
about this whole Rose thing.
And coming from me,
that's saying something.
How long are you gonna
keep this up?
You obviously have a lot of
feelings for the girl.
Just talk to her, playa.
Uh, I...
Just don't have the words.
Hey, Haley, I just wanted to wish you
good luck at the dance audition tomorrow.
You'll need it.
Olivia Meers has a soul
of pure and endless darkness.
Who? That sweet little girl?
Sweet? Sweet? She's--
MAN: Help! Somebody help!
Come on!
Eye of the dragon.
Haley, wait here. Dragon up!
But, Jake--
(GRUNTING)
We'll take that, you leprechaun fool.
Yeah! I've got the feelin'
for some stealin.'
I've got the feverin' for some thieverin.'
I'm feeling snobbery for some robbery!
Okay, now you're just reaching.
(GRUNTING) (SCREAMS)
Need a lift?
Jake, laddie. Oh, thank the sweet heavens.
Those two hooligans just made off with
the ancient mirror of Scission!
-The ancient what of what, now?
-It's a sacred leprechaun relic.
You have to get it back, boyo!
Wow! Check this out.
The Huntsman is gonna love this thing!
What do you think he wants it for?
I suppose use it as a paperweight,
or to shave in the shower, or--
JAKE: Or you can give it back. (GRUNTING)
(GASPS AND BLOWS)
Okay, there's two of us
against one of him.
-So, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
-Yeah. Okay, on three.
One, two...
-Three. Run away, run away!
-Let's get out of here!
-The mirror!
-(CLANKING)
No!
Haley! I told you to wait back there!
(SIGHS) I know. It's a good thing
I don't actually listen to you.
Ah, sure.
The Legendary Mirror of Scission.
It's shiny, powerful and I swear,
it takes 10 pounds off my waistline.
Look at me! I'm svelte.
The mirror is a sacred artifact.
Crucial to keeping the peace
between leprechaun tribes.
It is most fortunate
that you retrieved it.
Well, technically, I was
the one who recovered it.
-Jake let it fall off a building.
-Do you have to do that?
-Try to take credit for everything?
-Only for things I'm good at...
which-- You're right! Is everything. Hm.
Ha! Look at yourself.
You couldn't handle the pressure of being
the American Dragon, and you know it.
"Pressure"? You want pressure?
Try going to a gifted school
where you have to be perfect
at everything all the time.
Yeah. I'm sure being perfect
it's a real burden for you.
It's a lot harder than slacking off
all the time, which is what you do.
It's called having fun.
Maybe you should try it someday.
-Fine!
-Fine!
(JAKE GROANS)
The bathroom!
Sorry, Haley, but this time--
(IN HALEY'S VOICE) Jake? What's happening?
(IN JAKE'S VOICE) Haley? But--
(BOTH SCREAMING)
(BOTH SCREAMING)
(YAWNS) Good morning, familia.
What say we fire up the waffle iron
and-- (SCREAMS)
(IN HALEY'S VOICE) Jake,
I--I don't understand what's happening.
When I talk, I hear my own angelic voice,
but it's coming out of your awkward
and adolescent warped body.
(IN JAKE'S VOICE) What about me?
You think I enjoy being two feet tall?
Plus, I'm a girl. A girl!
Go back to my room and get dressed.
We gotta go to grandpa's shop!
-You've got to be kidding.
-Whatever. Let's get going.
Oh, yeah. It's the reflective reaction
of the old Scission switcherooski.
At some point yesterday you two must have
accidentally activated the mirror.
-The mirror did this to us?
-But how? What went wrong?
Nothing went wrong. The mirror did
exactly what it was built to do.
Here's the deal.
Leprechauns used to be warring tribes,
always fighting with each other.
The mirror changed all that.
It gave enemy chiefs
the chance to trade bodies for a day.
Trade bodies?
You call this a fair trade of bodies?
I exercise. I eat all my vegetables.
I floss. I shampoo and condition.
Oh, will you give it a rest.
FU: The point is, once the leprechaun
chiefs switched bodies,
they got a chance to see life
from the other guy's point of view.
It put an end
to all the fight and feuding.
So get the mirror
and change us back.
I have a ballet audition this afternoon.
It's a chance to train
at the Dumont Institute in Paris.
It's a dream come true.
This isn't about you
and your stupid audition.
The important thing is to get the Am-Drag
back in his body so he can do his thing.
There's one little hitch in the giddy-up.
I don't have the mirror.
Grandpa already left to return it
to the leprechaun council.
-But what are we supposed to do?
-Don't worry. I'll get the mirror back.
In the meantime, you kids need to get
to school. Act like everything is normal.
Normal? How am I supposed to go
to school in this body?
Yeah, won't that be a little suspicious?
No, you don't get it. Jake, you need to
go to Haley's school in her body.
Haley, you need to go to
Jake's school in his body.
Haven't either of you
seen this kind of movie before?
I'm afraid that isn't gonna work, Fu.
I go to a school gifted children.
Jake won't be able
to fit in there.
Yeah, right. Like it would be so hard
to fit in at your school.
All I have to is strut around going,
"Look how perfect I am.
"I'm so smart and special.
Everyone give me attention!"
Well, all I need to do is
fill my speech pattern
with unbearable hip-hop
slang from five years ago.
Yo, yo! Check me out. The Am-Drag is
in the his-house with the rad skills.
Holla!
That's great. Keep working
on doing each other's voices.
And remember, you two wait to use
each other's dragon powers,
so no dragoning up or down
or anything.
I'll meet you in the park
with the mirror at lunch.
I can't believe you're actually going
to my school in that suit.
I haven't worn that thing
since aunt Mimi's wedding.
And what did you do to my hair?
I combed it.
And what about what you 'wearing?
That was my Halloween costume last year!
I can't be seen on that.
Why? Are you afraid you might be
mistaken for somebody cool?
Oh, Haley.
Oh! You're five minutes late.
It is so not like you.
No, I'm normally right on time
because I hog the bathroom every morning.
But I'm late today,
so why don't you just give me detention,
-or expel me or something? I--
-(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
Isn't she just adorable? Well, off you go,
my beloved and perfect little sister.
I'm warning you,
I have a reputation here!
I know. And I got until lunchtime
to completely ruin it.
(BURPS LOUDLY)
Two can play at that game.
Tick tock, Mr. Long. Detention again.
Unless you can perhaps tell me
the capital of Paraguay?
Mm...
(CLEARS THROAT) Yes, Paraguay.
Capital city, Asuncion.
Population, 6.5 million.
National currency, the Guarani.
Oh, and interesting fact,
the country's flag has a different
official seal on each side.
-Holla!
-Huh? But, I, uh...
Professor Rotwood, could you please
hand me some of those applications?
I'd like to sign up to join
the chess club,
the debate team, and the algebra athletes.
Jake, what are you doing?
All that overachieving stuff's a
one way ticket to geeksville.
Yeah. Are you sure
you wanna get on that train?
Oh, yeah. I'm gonna teach him--
I mean, I'm gonna teach myself
a little lesson.
-(PLAYING VIOLIN)
-That's it.
Let the music flow through you.
-Yeah! Guitar solo! Rock on!
-(STRUMMING VIOLIN)
(GASPS)
(CLATTERING)
(GRUMBLES IN DISBELIEF)
-(SNORING)
-(CLEARS THROAT) Sorry to wake you,
but I believe we were in the middle
of covering chapter 11.
And aren't we long overdue
for a pop quiz?
Nice going, doofus.
Whoo-hoo! Food fight!
(GRUNTS)
Are you sure you don't want
to markup my permanent record,
or hit me with detention or something?
Oh, well, we've never needed
detention at this school--
Until now.
We're his friends, Trixie.
Shouldn't we be stopping him?
Look here, baby bubba, I tried.
He wouldn't listen to me.
Oh, no. Here it comes.
I can't bear to watch.
(ALL LAUGHING)
We gotta do something.
I mean, isn't this some kind of
health risk?
He could actually die from the shame.
Ah, yeah. I got this.
I'll talk to the boy. Again!
Okay, class. Time to resume
our artistic works of inspiration.
Oh, yeah! Get ready for some
splatty-boom-batty!
Wow.
That's... amazing.
-She-- I mean, I, I did this?
-Of course, dear.
Oh, remember the assignment was to
capture something that inspires you.
Something you admire.
You're not gonna start
throwing paint, are you?
So, Jakie, I know you've been having
a rough time with Rose and everything,
but I just want to make sure
there's nothing seriously wrong with you.
No, no, I, I'm fine. You know,
just a little voice-cracking thing.
Why, why do you ask... Yo?
Well, besides the whole suit and tie,
chess club, math team, and ballet recital,
this is also the third time you've
followed me into the girls' bathroom.
-(TOILET FLUSHING)
-(GIRLS SCREAMING)
A healthy lunch
makes for healthy feet.
The judges from The Dumont Institute
will be here in one hour.
Come on, kids, where are you?
I got a date to go swimming with
a Portuguese water dog in a-- Wow!
-Thanks, dog man!
-Yeah! How you like me now, fool?
-Fu dog! Are you okay?
-What happened?
(SPUTTERING) Whoa!
It was those two hunts yahoos,
88 and 89.
They blasted me and took the mirror.
We gotta get it back!
My ballet audition is about to start.
I'm afraid it's a little more
serious than that.
If you two don't get switched back
to your bodies by sundown,
you're gonna be stuck like that forever!
-Fu, which way did they go?
-Go that way.
Haley, listen. I need you to dragon up
and go after them.
You have all my dragon powers.
But, uh...I don't know if I can.
Sure you can. I've been to your school.
You paint, play violin--
You're my little sis.
There's nothing you can't do.
Oh, Jake...
That's a double negative.
But, thanks, anyway.
And don't worry,
I'll have your back the whole way.
Now, let's do this... together.
BOTH: Dragon up!
Whoa! You really are the man!
This is awesome!
It's about time you give
your big bro his props.
Ah, Haley, you might want to back off
- on the wing action or you might...
-(GASPS AND SCREAMS)
-...stall.
-(SCREAMING)
Haley! You need to get your speed back up!
Dive! Dive!
-But I can't!
-(GRUNTS) Listen.
You need to turn over or you're gonna
end up a big dragon splat on the sidewalk!
Help me!
Okay, point down.
Now open your wings.
(SIGHS) Thanks, Jake. You really are
a lot stronger than you look.
Hey, saving magical creatures
is what I do.
Besides, I can't have you
messing up my pretty face.
Now, let's go kick some hunts butt.
The Huntsman is gonna pin a medal on me
when he sees what I got him.
Wait. What you got him?
You mean what I got him!
JAKE: You mean, what you stole for him...
Or tried to.
Okay, Haley, dragon fire! Now!
Just brace yourself
for the kickback, because--
(SCREAMS)
-Haley?
-Yeah, baby!
The American Dragon just went down.
The Huntsman is gonna
give us a promotion for sure!
(GRUNTS)
Now we just gotta
take care of the little one.
-(LASER FIRING)
-(GRUNTING)
Man, it is not easy getting around
with these teeny wings! (GRUNTS)
-(THUDS)
-Dude! I got her!
Get over here
and finish her off!
(BOTH GRUNTING)
-Yeah, take some of that!
-Quit it!
-What are you doing?
-I'm clubbing me a dragon, fool!
What? I'm no dragon, I'm 89!
(LAUGHS) Yeah, right.
That is the oldest trick in the book.
You know what? If you're 89,
then where's the dragon--
-Right here, Hunts chump.
-(GRUNTS)
-JAKE: Now to switch it back.
-(WHIRRING)
Hey! I'm me! I'm-- (GRUNTS)
-88: Take this, dragon!
-89: It's me!
-(WHIRRING)
-89: I'm back in my body again!
Wait a minute.
This isn't me.
Hey! Hey-- Hey, you're me!
Give me me back!
(SCOFFS) Amateurs.
(PANTING) Hey! You guys okay?
Haley! Haley!
Come on. We got the mirror. Let's get
you guys back in your proper bodies.
-But, she's out cold.
-That still be fine, kid.
At least she'll be out cold in
her own body, and you'll get yours back.
Not yet, Fu.
There's something I gotta do first.
(PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)
Very nice. Is that everyone?
There was one other student
I thought you should see, Haley Long,
-but I'm afraid she's--
-(DOOR OPENS)
Here! I'm right here, miss Birch!
I'm sorry I'm late.
Can I still audition?
By all means.
(PLAYING PIANO)
Well, here goes nothing.
(GROWLING IN DISAPPOINTMENT)
Oh! (GROWLS)
-(GRUNTING)
-(THUDS)
(PIANO PLAYING OFF-KEY)
I'm terribly sorry.
I didn't mean to, um--
I guess the auditions are over, n'est pas?
Hold up!
This audition isn't over--
Not yet.
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
I was just warming up.
(ALL CLAPPING AND CHEERING)
Dance lives. Dance breathes!
Sometimes it dies,
but it can also return to life
embodied in the inventive
and audacious moves of a little girl.
Oh, we look forward to seeing you in Paris
this summer, Miss Long.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
-You did so great!
-Congratulations!
Thanks, Jake.
(WHIRRING)
Well, (CHUCKLES) I hope the time
you spent in each other's bodies
has taught you something.
What? That Haley has no friends?
Or that Jake has unnatural hair
and knows nothing about women?
What? Knows nothing about women?
Mad playa Jake?
The MacDaddy Dragon?
Don Dragon DeMarco?
Are you playing with me?
Don't worry. I took care of her for you.
Huh?
(SLOW INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)
Morning, Haley.
Jake, let's not do this.
Switching bodies for a day
has given me a whole new perspective
and appreciation for your life.
-After you, big brother.
-Really?
Okay. (CHUCKLES)
That's really cool of you,
because I... (GRUNTS)
-Ha! Sucker!
-You little...
FATHER: Good morning, ki-- (THUDS)
What... You... (GRUNTS) My eye! Ow!
88: Okay, Huntsman, so all right,
you couldn't get mirror of Scission
you wanted...
89: But check out these other magical
mirrors we picked up for you.
Look, you're tall and skinny!
Whoa! Now you're short and fat!
Ooh, now you're wavy!
So? What do you think?
He's gonna throw us
to the Kracken again, isn't he?
-(KRACKEN ROARS)
-(88 AND 89 SCREAM)
Okay, now you're
just reaching.