American Dragon: Jake Long (2005–2007): Season 2, Episode 15 - The Rotwood Files - full transcript
Jake plays a trick on Principal Rotwood, making him leave, only to have an even tougher principal take his place.
-(TV THEME SONG PLAYING)
-WOMAN: ♪ He's slobby ♪
-MAN: ♪ She's snotty ♪
-BOTH: ♪ But he thinks she's a huggy ♪
♪ The Spud and Stacey Show ♪
MAN: ♪ She's perky ♪
WOMAN: ♪ He's quirky ♪
- BOTH: ♪ Can their love ever worky? ♪
-(SPUD AND STACEY LAUGHING)
BOTH: ♪ The Spud and Stacey Show ♪
-♪ Wherever they go ♪
-WOMAN: ♪ He says yes ♪
MAN: ♪ They say no ♪
BOTH: ♪ An odd couple, you cannot deny ♪
-(HUMMING)
-JAKE: Uh, Spud, hello?
Are you dreaming you and Stacey
are stars in your own sitcom again?
No.
(SIGHS) Okay. Yes.
There's gonna be one
where she burns the pot roast,
and then we all learn
the true meaning of new year's Eve.
Sorry, Spud. But trust us,
you can totally do better than her.
Yeah, that girl is shallower
than a kiddie pool with a leak in it.
Ah, Columbus shmulumbus.
Now, which one of my toes
is the prettiest?
Bite your tongues.
Stacey's got more layers than an onion.
(CHOMPS)
I just... (SNIFFS)
Dig her so much. (CHOMPS)
Attention, hoodlums.
Tonight is Fillmore Fest
where we showcase
to your parental guardians
all that is good at this school.
It is the first of my administration,
and it will go smoothly!
As an example of how not
to dress this evening,
-observe Jake long.
-(GASPS)
Hair shall be combed, not spiky.
Proper slacks will be mandatory.
None of this half-pants, half-shorts,
chickeny-leg knicker doodling.
(ALL LAUGHING)
-Yo, Rot...
-And no more of this "yo."
When you speak your street slang
no one understands what the
käse and crackers you're talking about.
Dismissed!
Okay, that is it.
I have had it with Rotwood.
Tonight at Fillmore Fest,
it's payback time.
(SOBBING) We're there for you, man.
We totally feel your pain.
Thanks, bud. But, dude, you don't
have to take it so hard.
I'm not. It's the onion.
-Um, are you crying?
-Oh! No, I was...
Yes, you totally were.
You were totally tearing up like a baby,
because your friend got humiliated
by Rotwood.
-No, it was...
-That is so sensitive. And sweet.
And so totally...
hot.
Ah, can't we all just learn to love?
(IMITATES CRYING)
(CHOMPS)
(THEME SONG PLAYING)
♪ He's cool, he's hot like a frozen sun ♪
♪ He's young and fast
He's the chosen one ♪
♪ People, we're not bragging ♪
♪ He's the American Dragon ♪
♪ He's gonna stop his enemies
with his dragon power ♪
♪ Dragon teeth, dragon tail
burnin' dragon fire ♪
♪ A real live wire ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ He's the American Dragon ♪
♪ His skills are getting faster ♪
♪ With Grandpa the master ♪
♪ His destiny, what's up G? ♪
♪ It's showtime, baby, for the legacy ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ I'm a dragon, I'm not braggin'
It's my destiny ♪
♪ I'm the magical protector of the NYC ♪
Ya heard?
♪ American Dragon ♪
Yeow!
Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you
the principal of Fillmore Middle School,
Hans Rotwood.
(FANFARE MUSIC PLAYING)
Danke. Thank you, thank you.
Before we are beginning I am proud
to unveil the woodshop's newest creation,
a mahogany statue
of former U.S. president
Millard Fillmore.
(ALL APPLAUDING)
Yes, it's beautiful. Yes, yes.
And later tonight, president Fillmore's
six-year-old great, great, great
great granddaughter Millie will be here
to share her melodious singing.
-(STUDENTS APPLAUDING)
-Yes. Yes.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Parents, students, friends,
-the state of our school is strong.
-(STUDENTS APPLAUDING)
Hear me when I say,
I chew other people's gum
and spit it in the hair
of your monkey-faced children.
(MICROPHONE FEEDBACK BUZZES)
Did he just call himself a gum spitter?
Forget that.
He called our kids monkey-faced.
-(CROWD CLAMORING)
-No, no. I didn't. It was a mistake.
Someone has changed the teleprompter.
He's waving. That's our cue.
-(BAND MUSIC PLAYING)
-No! Not yet.
Stay back, please.
I must finish my speech.
-Whoa, whoa, whoa!
-(CLANGS)
(CROWD GASPING)
-(THUDS)
-(CRYING) My mahogany Millard!
You were so hard to carve.
Please, this was all
a big misunderstanding.
I was pranked! The teleprompter! The band!
There was supposed to be a song.
♪ Yankee Doodle went to London
riding on a pony ♪
Silence your macaroni doodle singing.
I didn't mean now. Oh!
(CRYING HYSTERICALLY)
(GASPS) I'm sorry. I...
(GRUNTING)
(CROWD GASPS)
He just desecrated our 13th president.
MAN: Rotwood, you're a monster!
-WOMAN: You're a horrible man.
-(CROWD CLAMORING)
(GASPS AND CRIES)
Man, can you believe last night?
We changed one line in Rotwood's speech.
One line!
And the walls came tumbling down.
Ah, totally, man. I...
(GASPS) Stacey! (CHOMPING)
Have you guys, like, heard?
Principal Rotwood was, like, fired.
-Say what?
-Say, huh?
You know, I'm no fan of old Rotty,
but a man... (SNIFFLES)
...fired from his life's passion.
I mean... (SOBS) it's just so sad.
Aw, there, there. You want to go
get some ice cream or something?
-(SNIFFLING) Will there be hot fudge?
-A squirt for every tear.
I never thought I'd say this,
but I actually feel kind of bad that...
-Jake, way to go.
-Way to go, Jake.
GIRL: Whoo, yeah, baby!
...we didn't get rid of him sooner.
Yo! Think about it, Trix.
No more Rotwood
and I'm the most popular kid in school.
We can get away with anything.
-(ALL CHEERING)
-You're awesome!
At least with Rotwood
you knew what you was in for.
Who knows how bad
this new dude's going to be?
Hello, children. I am your new principal,
and my name is Sigmund Brock.
And this school year is going to rock!
(STRUMMING GUITAR)
Ha-ha! What makes a school
burning for learning?
Less rules and more fun.
So who wants cheeseburgers?
-(ALL CHEERING)
-Burgers incoming.
I have two words, Trix. "Oh, yeah."
-(CHOMPS)
-Look at that. (SNIFFS)
It's just so moving to see meat
being distributed aerially.
You are so deep. Do you smell onions?
Maybe this was the right thing
to dispose the Rot.
You feel me? 'Cause the school
is bumping with positivity, okay?
TEACHER: Hey, somebody get
Principal Brock.
There's some kind of critter
in the boiler room,
and it ain't natural. It ain't natural!
Okay, nobody panic.
I'm sure it's just my pet emu.
(WHISPERS) Let's check it out?
(GRUNTS)
(DOOR OPENS)
(CLICKING)
(RUMBLING)
(GRUNTS)
SPUD: Okay, this is the part of the movie
where someone in the audience yells,
"Don't go down there!"
-(RUSTLING)
-(GASPS)
What the creature
double feature was that?
-I'm not sure.
-(YELPS)
-It looked like some kind of...
-(SCREECHING)
-(BOTH SCREAM)
-(GRUNTS)
(CREATURE SCREECHING)
(GASPS)
Slimy tongue punches. Nasty!
Time to drag... Uh...
-(CREATURE SCREECHING)
-To start dragging you, um...
-Off me, you silly emu! (GASPS)
-(CREATURE SCREECHING)
(GRUNTING)
Okay, any bug that big
has got to be magical.
-But what's it doing in school?
-Well, if he's here for the learning,
he brought along a study group.
Jake, look out!
(CREATURES SCREECHING)
(GRUNTING)
I call that move the windshield.
It goes 90 miles an hour
and flattens bugs.
(ALL GASP)
(TUTS) Infestation in the basement?
If only Rotwood had spent more time
keeping this place tidy
and less time desecrating wooden statues.
Jake, I admire your dedication
to cleaning up this school.
Uh, come with me.
(CHUCKLES) Your pals seemed to leave
very quickly when they saw me, huh?
-I guess they thought you were...
-Let's cut through the cream cheese.
-Excuse me?
-I'm not here to launch burgers
and wipe snotty little noses.
I came to do
what that Bavarian bozo Rotwood couldn't.
-Give a speech?
-Catch the dragon.
Dragons? Uh, I don't know
what you're talking...
Stop playing me!
(CLEARS THROAT) I, too, am a researcher
of the magical world.
Rotwood may be a fool,
but I believe he was onto something
with his talk of a dragon at this school.
But I don't know anything about dragons.
But you do, Jake, you do.
See, I've read Rotwood's files
on you and your friends.
The unexplained absences,
the curious behavior,
like your reaction to those creatures
I planted in the basement.
Everyone's frozen in fear,
but you three race into action.
Almost as if you all had experience
fighting magical creatures.
If I know my mythology,
that's a dragon's job.
So then, which one of you
is on the clock, hmm?
You planted those things? But...
Oh, I've had some small luck in the field,
but the people who fund my kind
of research need to see something special.
Like a captured dragon,
-and soon I will deliver.
-(MOTOR WHIRRING)
This is Brockium.
A chemical of my own invention
that will make any disguised dragon
revert to its true form.
I have but one vile now,
but once I use it to expose
this school's dragon,
I'll have the funding to mass produce
all the Brockium I could ever want.
-Dragon's everywhere will be unmasked...
-(BEEPING)
...and the name Sigmund Brock
will go down in history.
But, of course, we regular humans
have nothing to fear. Now, do we?
-Nope. Ha-ha. Guess you'll just be...
-(BELL RINGS)
...wasting your only vial then, huh?
Principal Brock, it's recess.
Can we hang out with you?
Of course. Now who wants to
learn extreme four square?
-I do! I do! Yippee! I want to play.
-Yes!
Any time you want to talk, Jake.
(CHUCKLES) Right on.
Peace.
Aw, man!
JAKE: Yo, Gramps. We've got problems.
With that chemical,
Brock is beyond dangerous.
He must be stopped.
You got one principal fired, kid.
Time to get working on the sequel.
Why don't I just sneak in,
steal the Brockium, and get rid of it?
GRAMPS: Hmm, too risky.
If you were caught, it would only prove
to him you are a dragon.
Fu Dog is right, you must get rid
of your principal.
JAKE: Get rid of your principal?
-How am I supposed to...
-(CLATTERS)
-Do you mind?
-Rotwood?
You, uh...need some help?
Nein. No, no. No, no.
I love the scavenging life. Ha-ha!
For example,
you see a half-eaten can of soup.
I see a hilarious novelty hat.
Put her there. (CHUCKLES)
(CAN CLATTERS)
No, who am I kidding?
This is a cruel world
in which bloopers lead
to smashed dreams.
I hope you're happy
with your new principal.
(SCOFFS) Principal Brock is a freak.
Yes, well, you know,
I'm sure he's a very... (GRUNTS)
Brock! Surely you do not
mean Sigmund Brock.
Uh, yeah. You know him?
Know him? Ach, mein strudel!
He was my professor
at Vonstachen University.
It was he who opened my eyes
to the unseen magical world.
He changed my life forever.
But Brock was too harsh a task master.
He exploded with rage
at the slightest mistake.
Yeah. I kinda know what that's like.
But I'd still take you over Brock any day.
And I would return in a heartbeat
if I could.
Hey, everybody. I have a surprise.
(GRUNTS)
(SPITS)
Don't take Mom's
reaction to you personally.
She beats all our houseguests
over the head with a broom.
It's, uh, just her way.
Ah, I see I'm not the only one
with an interest in magical creatures.
Huh? Oh, yeah. Um...
Family trip to
Dragon Adventures Amusement Park.
Good times.
I have never heard
of this amusement park.
TRIXIE: Yo, Jakey J.
What's good, baby?
I'm taking Spud onion shopping,
you wanna... What the...
(SCREAMS) Another basement critter!
Look, it's kind of a long story.
But me and Rotwood are working together
to get Brock fired.
I started working up a plan.
But I'm gonna need your help.
Here's what I'm thinking.
Me, Trixie and Spud will, uh,
arrive on the school rooftop
tomorrow at 5:03 a.m.
While Trix and I access the school
through the skylight,
Spud will suction cup
across the east side of the building,
and cut the security camera wires.
Once that's done, I'll let in
one of the lunch ladies, the hot one,
who will then flirt
with the security guard
and get him to unlock the cafeteria door.
TRIXIE: And how are we gonna
let lady all involved?
JAKE: That's the thing. It won't be
the lunch lady. It will be Rotwood.
While he stands guard,
I'll climb into the air vent,
follow it to Brock's office,
and use, my, uh, special skills
to borrow the school's fundraiser cash.
When the safe is discovered empty,
they'll blame the only dude
with the combination.
And later, we can anonymously
return the money. What do you think?
Whoo-hoo! It's wunderbar!
Let's roll!
Oh! Didn't your mothers teach you
how to treat a lady?
Rotwood, my old pupil.
Somehow I always pictured you
ending up pretty much exactly like this.
Help! It's sucking my brain.
Get it off! Get it off!
Oh, by the way, Jake,
you left your plans on the roof.
-You were trying to set me up!
-What? No! I...
Why don't you just come clean
about the dragon's identity?
Save me some time
and a world of misery.
-People know I'm here.
-Relax, Jake.
I'm just making the morning announcements.
Hola, students.
This is your pal Principal Brock.
Uh, I am sad to inform you
there has been an attempt
-to have me fired from this school.
-Who could do that!
(ALL CLAMORING)
But I suppose Jake Long in homeroom 217,
locker number A331
is entitled to his own opinion of me.
That is all.
I'm going to expose the truth, Jake.
You can help me,
or you can continue to suffer.
Say hi to your classmates for me.
-That's the Brock hater.
-I hear he beat up the school mascot.
Where are you going, you Brock basher?
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) How's it going, guys?
Anybody else have the pizza yesterday?
Lots of oregano in the sauce, am I right?
Ugh, Great! Now he's trying to get
the hot lunch lady fired, too.
I live for that sauce. (GULPS)
-No, no, no, I just...
-Extreme four square! (GRUNTS)
-(GROANS)
-BOY: Brock rocks!
Oh, Jake, I've been working up new ideas
on how to get rid of Brock.
My favorite so far,
make him allergic to children.
It's pretty weird, huh? Us throwing in
considering all we've been through.
Oh, yeah. Like the time I gave you
a week's detention for saying, "Oh!"
and another week for saying "Man."
Or the time I put Mondo Bondo glue
around your monocle frame.
Or, or the time I gave you detention
while you were in detention.
(CHUCKLES) Or the time I messed
with your teleprom... Date.
Uh, you know, your date from Tel Aviv.
(GASPS) You!
You started to say "teleprompter".
You are the riff-raffian who got me fired.
Hey, I just changed one line.
Know this day that you have made
a powerful new enemy.
Yes, I technically am an old enemy
who wasn't for awhile,
but now again is on the side...
You know what I'm saying!
No, wait! Come back!
Ah, don't sweat it, kid.
What's the worst that can happen?
BROCK: Yes. The photo is quite real.
I've sent it to every news organization
in the city.
I will prove the photo's authenticity
at a press conference tomorrow.
Yes. The dragon is
masquerading as a human,
but my new assistant assures me
he knows exactly who he is.
(SNIFFING)
What's (SNIFFING) going on, baby?
Get this, Brock says he's gonna reveal
that somebody at school is...
Incredibly sensitive?
A gross, fire-breathing dragon.
Oh, man!
We gotta get you out of here, bro.
I can't just leave him with the Brockium.
No dragon will be safe.
So, then what do we do?
We finish what we started.
-Yo, what are you eating?
-(SOBBING) Onions.
I really dig 'em now.
Check this out. (BURPS)
JAKE: Oh!
TRIXIE: Yuck!
I'm over that onion breath already.
Uh, Jake, was Brock's office
like that last night?
He may have redecorated a little.
-Dragon up!
-(CREATURES SCREECHING)
It's lights out time.
Guys, I got 'em.
That blue stuff's gotta be
around here somewhere.
-(CREATURE SCREECHING)
-(SPUD HUMMING)
-Spud, look out!
-Go onion... (SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
-(CREATURE SCREECHING)
-(THUDS)
(CRYING)
Onions, they ask for so little,
and yet, they give so much.
-(BEEPING)
-Yo, is this it?
-That's it. Let's check...
-(ALARM BUZZING)
-Hey!
-What the...
Well, isn't this tidy.
I've been looking all over for you.
-Yo, Brock, you can't...
-Yes, I can. And I will.
See, thanks to my former protégé
I now know which of you is the dragon.
-Rotwood?
-Come, Hans, let's go expose the dragon.
Oh, and just so his friends
don't try any funny business,
you're all coming along.
Won't that be fun?
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)
(GASPS) He's got those children in a cage!
That cage is an outrage.
Is this an outrage,
or will what you're about to see
revolutionize science as we now know it?
Watch and believe!
Rotwood, are you sure he's the one?
(SIGHS) This is it, guys.
This is how it ends.
Ladies and gentlemen,
behold the mighty dragon.
-(CROWD GASPING)
-Change into your true form.
(GROANING) Dude!
That stuff tastes like socks
and old cabbage. Yuck!
-It needs onion.
-Change into your true form!
LADY: He's yelling at that poor boy.
-This boy is a dragon!
-That boy is a boy.
Now let go of him this instant.
You set me up.
You told me he was the dragon.
But it, it must be him.
He has the dragon breath.
Look at him. Steam's coming out of
his mouth right now.
Sharesies?
A dragon at this school? (LAUGHS)
I don't care about your
fantastical delusions, Principal.
What I care about are the children.
The beautiful,
beautiful children of the world.
(ALL CHEERING)
MAN: You should be running this school,
not him.
You don't understand!
One of those snot wipes is a dragon!
A dragon!
Hey, Stacey.
Faker!
What's up with her?
She saw me eating the onion
at Brock's press conference
and she was able to put
two and two together.
But no matter,
once I finish whittling my onion Stacey,
I'll always have a beautiful shoulder
to... (SNIFFS)
...cry on. (CRYING)
Ow! (SOBS)
Her beautiful, stinging juices.
You ever think we didn't give
Rotwood enough credit?
I mean, it was pretty slick how
he pranked Brock and got his old job back.
(SCOFFS) Please, you think
that was planned?
Rotwood's so clueless,
he probably did think the am drag...
-ROTWOOD: Jake Long!
-(GASPS)
I would like to shake your hand
to thank you.
Uh, sure.
(CRACKLING)
Huh? What the...
Surprise, surprise.
(GASPS)
One drop left.
It seemed a shame
to let it all go to waste.
Oh, don't bother, Mr. Long.
I always suspected it was you,
but I'll be a schweinhund's uncle
before I let Sigmund Brock
take credit for my discovery.
I will find a way to expose you myself
one day.
But until then,
I have a school to run.
Ta!
Oh, man!
FU: Yowzah! Now Rotwood knows
the truth about Jake!
Hey, I wonder what other
magical secrets that guy knows?
ROTWOOD: The Bermuda triangle,
actually a trapezoid.
Pixie dust made from real pixies.
(PIXIES SCREAMING)
Bigfoot, quite lovely in
ankle-high stiletto boots.
(BIGFOOT AND ROTWOOD GROWLING)
Hello, Madame Sasquatch. (LAUGHS)
Why, of course, a foot rub will be
no problem for...
(SCREAMS) You people are still here?
You saw nothing.
(DOOR SLAMS)
-WOMAN: ♪ He's slobby ♪
-MAN: ♪ She's snotty ♪
-BOTH: ♪ But he thinks she's a huggy ♪
♪ The Spud and Stacey Show ♪
MAN: ♪ She's perky ♪
WOMAN: ♪ He's quirky ♪
- BOTH: ♪ Can their love ever worky? ♪
-(SPUD AND STACEY LAUGHING)
BOTH: ♪ The Spud and Stacey Show ♪
-♪ Wherever they go ♪
-WOMAN: ♪ He says yes ♪
MAN: ♪ They say no ♪
BOTH: ♪ An odd couple, you cannot deny ♪
-(HUMMING)
-JAKE: Uh, Spud, hello?
Are you dreaming you and Stacey
are stars in your own sitcom again?
No.
(SIGHS) Okay. Yes.
There's gonna be one
where she burns the pot roast,
and then we all learn
the true meaning of new year's Eve.
Sorry, Spud. But trust us,
you can totally do better than her.
Yeah, that girl is shallower
than a kiddie pool with a leak in it.
Ah, Columbus shmulumbus.
Now, which one of my toes
is the prettiest?
Bite your tongues.
Stacey's got more layers than an onion.
(CHOMPS)
I just... (SNIFFS)
Dig her so much. (CHOMPS)
Attention, hoodlums.
Tonight is Fillmore Fest
where we showcase
to your parental guardians
all that is good at this school.
It is the first of my administration,
and it will go smoothly!
As an example of how not
to dress this evening,
-observe Jake long.
-(GASPS)
Hair shall be combed, not spiky.
Proper slacks will be mandatory.
None of this half-pants, half-shorts,
chickeny-leg knicker doodling.
(ALL LAUGHING)
-Yo, Rot...
-And no more of this "yo."
When you speak your street slang
no one understands what the
käse and crackers you're talking about.
Dismissed!
Okay, that is it.
I have had it with Rotwood.
Tonight at Fillmore Fest,
it's payback time.
(SOBBING) We're there for you, man.
We totally feel your pain.
Thanks, bud. But, dude, you don't
have to take it so hard.
I'm not. It's the onion.
-Um, are you crying?
-Oh! No, I was...
Yes, you totally were.
You were totally tearing up like a baby,
because your friend got humiliated
by Rotwood.
-No, it was...
-That is so sensitive. And sweet.
And so totally...
hot.
Ah, can't we all just learn to love?
(IMITATES CRYING)
(CHOMPS)
(THEME SONG PLAYING)
♪ He's cool, he's hot like a frozen sun ♪
♪ He's young and fast
He's the chosen one ♪
♪ People, we're not bragging ♪
♪ He's the American Dragon ♪
♪ He's gonna stop his enemies
with his dragon power ♪
♪ Dragon teeth, dragon tail
burnin' dragon fire ♪
♪ A real live wire ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ He's the American Dragon ♪
♪ His skills are getting faster ♪
♪ With Grandpa the master ♪
♪ His destiny, what's up G? ♪
♪ It's showtime, baby, for the legacy ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ I'm a dragon, I'm not braggin'
It's my destiny ♪
♪ I'm the magical protector of the NYC ♪
Ya heard?
♪ American Dragon ♪
Yeow!
Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you
the principal of Fillmore Middle School,
Hans Rotwood.
(FANFARE MUSIC PLAYING)
Danke. Thank you, thank you.
Before we are beginning I am proud
to unveil the woodshop's newest creation,
a mahogany statue
of former U.S. president
Millard Fillmore.
(ALL APPLAUDING)
Yes, it's beautiful. Yes, yes.
And later tonight, president Fillmore's
six-year-old great, great, great
great granddaughter Millie will be here
to share her melodious singing.
-(STUDENTS APPLAUDING)
-Yes. Yes.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Parents, students, friends,
-the state of our school is strong.
-(STUDENTS APPLAUDING)
Hear me when I say,
I chew other people's gum
and spit it in the hair
of your monkey-faced children.
(MICROPHONE FEEDBACK BUZZES)
Did he just call himself a gum spitter?
Forget that.
He called our kids monkey-faced.
-(CROWD CLAMORING)
-No, no. I didn't. It was a mistake.
Someone has changed the teleprompter.
He's waving. That's our cue.
-(BAND MUSIC PLAYING)
-No! Not yet.
Stay back, please.
I must finish my speech.
-Whoa, whoa, whoa!
-(CLANGS)
(CROWD GASPING)
-(THUDS)
-(CRYING) My mahogany Millard!
You were so hard to carve.
Please, this was all
a big misunderstanding.
I was pranked! The teleprompter! The band!
There was supposed to be a song.
♪ Yankee Doodle went to London
riding on a pony ♪
Silence your macaroni doodle singing.
I didn't mean now. Oh!
(CRYING HYSTERICALLY)
(GASPS) I'm sorry. I...
(GRUNTING)
(CROWD GASPS)
He just desecrated our 13th president.
MAN: Rotwood, you're a monster!
-WOMAN: You're a horrible man.
-(CROWD CLAMORING)
(GASPS AND CRIES)
Man, can you believe last night?
We changed one line in Rotwood's speech.
One line!
And the walls came tumbling down.
Ah, totally, man. I...
(GASPS) Stacey! (CHOMPING)
Have you guys, like, heard?
Principal Rotwood was, like, fired.
-Say what?
-Say, huh?
You know, I'm no fan of old Rotty,
but a man... (SNIFFLES)
...fired from his life's passion.
I mean... (SOBS) it's just so sad.
Aw, there, there. You want to go
get some ice cream or something?
-(SNIFFLING) Will there be hot fudge?
-A squirt for every tear.
I never thought I'd say this,
but I actually feel kind of bad that...
-Jake, way to go.
-Way to go, Jake.
GIRL: Whoo, yeah, baby!
...we didn't get rid of him sooner.
Yo! Think about it, Trix.
No more Rotwood
and I'm the most popular kid in school.
We can get away with anything.
-(ALL CHEERING)
-You're awesome!
At least with Rotwood
you knew what you was in for.
Who knows how bad
this new dude's going to be?
Hello, children. I am your new principal,
and my name is Sigmund Brock.
And this school year is going to rock!
(STRUMMING GUITAR)
Ha-ha! What makes a school
burning for learning?
Less rules and more fun.
So who wants cheeseburgers?
-(ALL CHEERING)
-Burgers incoming.
I have two words, Trix. "Oh, yeah."
-(CHOMPS)
-Look at that. (SNIFFS)
It's just so moving to see meat
being distributed aerially.
You are so deep. Do you smell onions?
Maybe this was the right thing
to dispose the Rot.
You feel me? 'Cause the school
is bumping with positivity, okay?
TEACHER: Hey, somebody get
Principal Brock.
There's some kind of critter
in the boiler room,
and it ain't natural. It ain't natural!
Okay, nobody panic.
I'm sure it's just my pet emu.
(WHISPERS) Let's check it out?
(GRUNTS)
(DOOR OPENS)
(CLICKING)
(RUMBLING)
(GRUNTS)
SPUD: Okay, this is the part of the movie
where someone in the audience yells,
"Don't go down there!"
-(RUSTLING)
-(GASPS)
What the creature
double feature was that?
-I'm not sure.
-(YELPS)
-It looked like some kind of...
-(SCREECHING)
-(BOTH SCREAM)
-(GRUNTS)
(CREATURE SCREECHING)
(GASPS)
Slimy tongue punches. Nasty!
Time to drag... Uh...
-(CREATURE SCREECHING)
-To start dragging you, um...
-Off me, you silly emu! (GASPS)
-(CREATURE SCREECHING)
(GRUNTING)
Okay, any bug that big
has got to be magical.
-But what's it doing in school?
-Well, if he's here for the learning,
he brought along a study group.
Jake, look out!
(CREATURES SCREECHING)
(GRUNTING)
I call that move the windshield.
It goes 90 miles an hour
and flattens bugs.
(ALL GASP)
(TUTS) Infestation in the basement?
If only Rotwood had spent more time
keeping this place tidy
and less time desecrating wooden statues.
Jake, I admire your dedication
to cleaning up this school.
Uh, come with me.
(CHUCKLES) Your pals seemed to leave
very quickly when they saw me, huh?
-I guess they thought you were...
-Let's cut through the cream cheese.
-Excuse me?
-I'm not here to launch burgers
and wipe snotty little noses.
I came to do
what that Bavarian bozo Rotwood couldn't.
-Give a speech?
-Catch the dragon.
Dragons? Uh, I don't know
what you're talking...
Stop playing me!
(CLEARS THROAT) I, too, am a researcher
of the magical world.
Rotwood may be a fool,
but I believe he was onto something
with his talk of a dragon at this school.
But I don't know anything about dragons.
But you do, Jake, you do.
See, I've read Rotwood's files
on you and your friends.
The unexplained absences,
the curious behavior,
like your reaction to those creatures
I planted in the basement.
Everyone's frozen in fear,
but you three race into action.
Almost as if you all had experience
fighting magical creatures.
If I know my mythology,
that's a dragon's job.
So then, which one of you
is on the clock, hmm?
You planted those things? But...
Oh, I've had some small luck in the field,
but the people who fund my kind
of research need to see something special.
Like a captured dragon,
-and soon I will deliver.
-(MOTOR WHIRRING)
This is Brockium.
A chemical of my own invention
that will make any disguised dragon
revert to its true form.
I have but one vile now,
but once I use it to expose
this school's dragon,
I'll have the funding to mass produce
all the Brockium I could ever want.
-Dragon's everywhere will be unmasked...
-(BEEPING)
...and the name Sigmund Brock
will go down in history.
But, of course, we regular humans
have nothing to fear. Now, do we?
-Nope. Ha-ha. Guess you'll just be...
-(BELL RINGS)
...wasting your only vial then, huh?
Principal Brock, it's recess.
Can we hang out with you?
Of course. Now who wants to
learn extreme four square?
-I do! I do! Yippee! I want to play.
-Yes!
Any time you want to talk, Jake.
(CHUCKLES) Right on.
Peace.
Aw, man!
JAKE: Yo, Gramps. We've got problems.
With that chemical,
Brock is beyond dangerous.
He must be stopped.
You got one principal fired, kid.
Time to get working on the sequel.
Why don't I just sneak in,
steal the Brockium, and get rid of it?
GRAMPS: Hmm, too risky.
If you were caught, it would only prove
to him you are a dragon.
Fu Dog is right, you must get rid
of your principal.
JAKE: Get rid of your principal?
-How am I supposed to...
-(CLATTERS)
-Do you mind?
-Rotwood?
You, uh...need some help?
Nein. No, no. No, no.
I love the scavenging life. Ha-ha!
For example,
you see a half-eaten can of soup.
I see a hilarious novelty hat.
Put her there. (CHUCKLES)
(CAN CLATTERS)
No, who am I kidding?
This is a cruel world
in which bloopers lead
to smashed dreams.
I hope you're happy
with your new principal.
(SCOFFS) Principal Brock is a freak.
Yes, well, you know,
I'm sure he's a very... (GRUNTS)
Brock! Surely you do not
mean Sigmund Brock.
Uh, yeah. You know him?
Know him? Ach, mein strudel!
He was my professor
at Vonstachen University.
It was he who opened my eyes
to the unseen magical world.
He changed my life forever.
But Brock was too harsh a task master.
He exploded with rage
at the slightest mistake.
Yeah. I kinda know what that's like.
But I'd still take you over Brock any day.
And I would return in a heartbeat
if I could.
Hey, everybody. I have a surprise.
(GRUNTS)
(SPITS)
Don't take Mom's
reaction to you personally.
She beats all our houseguests
over the head with a broom.
It's, uh, just her way.
Ah, I see I'm not the only one
with an interest in magical creatures.
Huh? Oh, yeah. Um...
Family trip to
Dragon Adventures Amusement Park.
Good times.
I have never heard
of this amusement park.
TRIXIE: Yo, Jakey J.
What's good, baby?
I'm taking Spud onion shopping,
you wanna... What the...
(SCREAMS) Another basement critter!
Look, it's kind of a long story.
But me and Rotwood are working together
to get Brock fired.
I started working up a plan.
But I'm gonna need your help.
Here's what I'm thinking.
Me, Trixie and Spud will, uh,
arrive on the school rooftop
tomorrow at 5:03 a.m.
While Trix and I access the school
through the skylight,
Spud will suction cup
across the east side of the building,
and cut the security camera wires.
Once that's done, I'll let in
one of the lunch ladies, the hot one,
who will then flirt
with the security guard
and get him to unlock the cafeteria door.
TRIXIE: And how are we gonna
let lady all involved?
JAKE: That's the thing. It won't be
the lunch lady. It will be Rotwood.
While he stands guard,
I'll climb into the air vent,
follow it to Brock's office,
and use, my, uh, special skills
to borrow the school's fundraiser cash.
When the safe is discovered empty,
they'll blame the only dude
with the combination.
And later, we can anonymously
return the money. What do you think?
Whoo-hoo! It's wunderbar!
Let's roll!
Oh! Didn't your mothers teach you
how to treat a lady?
Rotwood, my old pupil.
Somehow I always pictured you
ending up pretty much exactly like this.
Help! It's sucking my brain.
Get it off! Get it off!
Oh, by the way, Jake,
you left your plans on the roof.
-You were trying to set me up!
-What? No! I...
Why don't you just come clean
about the dragon's identity?
Save me some time
and a world of misery.
-People know I'm here.
-Relax, Jake.
I'm just making the morning announcements.
Hola, students.
This is your pal Principal Brock.
Uh, I am sad to inform you
there has been an attempt
-to have me fired from this school.
-Who could do that!
(ALL CLAMORING)
But I suppose Jake Long in homeroom 217,
locker number A331
is entitled to his own opinion of me.
That is all.
I'm going to expose the truth, Jake.
You can help me,
or you can continue to suffer.
Say hi to your classmates for me.
-That's the Brock hater.
-I hear he beat up the school mascot.
Where are you going, you Brock basher?
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) How's it going, guys?
Anybody else have the pizza yesterday?
Lots of oregano in the sauce, am I right?
Ugh, Great! Now he's trying to get
the hot lunch lady fired, too.
I live for that sauce. (GULPS)
-No, no, no, I just...
-Extreme four square! (GRUNTS)
-(GROANS)
-BOY: Brock rocks!
Oh, Jake, I've been working up new ideas
on how to get rid of Brock.
My favorite so far,
make him allergic to children.
It's pretty weird, huh? Us throwing in
considering all we've been through.
Oh, yeah. Like the time I gave you
a week's detention for saying, "Oh!"
and another week for saying "Man."
Or the time I put Mondo Bondo glue
around your monocle frame.
Or, or the time I gave you detention
while you were in detention.
(CHUCKLES) Or the time I messed
with your teleprom... Date.
Uh, you know, your date from Tel Aviv.
(GASPS) You!
You started to say "teleprompter".
You are the riff-raffian who got me fired.
Hey, I just changed one line.
Know this day that you have made
a powerful new enemy.
Yes, I technically am an old enemy
who wasn't for awhile,
but now again is on the side...
You know what I'm saying!
No, wait! Come back!
Ah, don't sweat it, kid.
What's the worst that can happen?
BROCK: Yes. The photo is quite real.
I've sent it to every news organization
in the city.
I will prove the photo's authenticity
at a press conference tomorrow.
Yes. The dragon is
masquerading as a human,
but my new assistant assures me
he knows exactly who he is.
(SNIFFING)
What's (SNIFFING) going on, baby?
Get this, Brock says he's gonna reveal
that somebody at school is...
Incredibly sensitive?
A gross, fire-breathing dragon.
Oh, man!
We gotta get you out of here, bro.
I can't just leave him with the Brockium.
No dragon will be safe.
So, then what do we do?
We finish what we started.
-Yo, what are you eating?
-(SOBBING) Onions.
I really dig 'em now.
Check this out. (BURPS)
JAKE: Oh!
TRIXIE: Yuck!
I'm over that onion breath already.
Uh, Jake, was Brock's office
like that last night?
He may have redecorated a little.
-Dragon up!
-(CREATURES SCREECHING)
It's lights out time.
Guys, I got 'em.
That blue stuff's gotta be
around here somewhere.
-(CREATURE SCREECHING)
-(SPUD HUMMING)
-Spud, look out!
-Go onion... (SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
-(CREATURE SCREECHING)
-(THUDS)
(CRYING)
Onions, they ask for so little,
and yet, they give so much.
-(BEEPING)
-Yo, is this it?
-That's it. Let's check...
-(ALARM BUZZING)
-Hey!
-What the...
Well, isn't this tidy.
I've been looking all over for you.
-Yo, Brock, you can't...
-Yes, I can. And I will.
See, thanks to my former protégé
I now know which of you is the dragon.
-Rotwood?
-Come, Hans, let's go expose the dragon.
Oh, and just so his friends
don't try any funny business,
you're all coming along.
Won't that be fun?
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)
(GASPS) He's got those children in a cage!
That cage is an outrage.
Is this an outrage,
or will what you're about to see
revolutionize science as we now know it?
Watch and believe!
Rotwood, are you sure he's the one?
(SIGHS) This is it, guys.
This is how it ends.
Ladies and gentlemen,
behold the mighty dragon.
-(CROWD GASPING)
-Change into your true form.
(GROANING) Dude!
That stuff tastes like socks
and old cabbage. Yuck!
-It needs onion.
-Change into your true form!
LADY: He's yelling at that poor boy.
-This boy is a dragon!
-That boy is a boy.
Now let go of him this instant.
You set me up.
You told me he was the dragon.
But it, it must be him.
He has the dragon breath.
Look at him. Steam's coming out of
his mouth right now.
Sharesies?
A dragon at this school? (LAUGHS)
I don't care about your
fantastical delusions, Principal.
What I care about are the children.
The beautiful,
beautiful children of the world.
(ALL CHEERING)
MAN: You should be running this school,
not him.
You don't understand!
One of those snot wipes is a dragon!
A dragon!
Hey, Stacey.
Faker!
What's up with her?
She saw me eating the onion
at Brock's press conference
and she was able to put
two and two together.
But no matter,
once I finish whittling my onion Stacey,
I'll always have a beautiful shoulder
to... (SNIFFS)
...cry on. (CRYING)
Ow! (SOBS)
Her beautiful, stinging juices.
You ever think we didn't give
Rotwood enough credit?
I mean, it was pretty slick how
he pranked Brock and got his old job back.
(SCOFFS) Please, you think
that was planned?
Rotwood's so clueless,
he probably did think the am drag...
-ROTWOOD: Jake Long!
-(GASPS)
I would like to shake your hand
to thank you.
Uh, sure.
(CRACKLING)
Huh? What the...
Surprise, surprise.
(GASPS)
One drop left.
It seemed a shame
to let it all go to waste.
Oh, don't bother, Mr. Long.
I always suspected it was you,
but I'll be a schweinhund's uncle
before I let Sigmund Brock
take credit for my discovery.
I will find a way to expose you myself
one day.
But until then,
I have a school to run.
Ta!
Oh, man!
FU: Yowzah! Now Rotwood knows
the truth about Jake!
Hey, I wonder what other
magical secrets that guy knows?
ROTWOOD: The Bermuda triangle,
actually a trapezoid.
Pixie dust made from real pixies.
(PIXIES SCREAMING)
Bigfoot, quite lovely in
ankle-high stiletto boots.
(BIGFOOT AND ROTWOOD GROWLING)
Hello, Madame Sasquatch. (LAUGHS)
Why, of course, a foot rub will be
no problem for...
(SCREAMS) You people are still here?
You saw nothing.
(DOOR SLAMS)