American Dragon: Jake Long (2005–2007): Season 2, Episode 11 - Fool's Gold - full transcript

In gratitude for rescuing them from some trolls, two leprechauns offer Jake a part-time job as security duty at a pawn shop they own, and the greed goes to his head as well as the heads of his friends... that is until the shop makes a deal with the huntsclan that could doom the entire magical wold.

Whoa! The air is electric
here at Mallcade arena,

and the crowd is pumped.

But what's this?

A wacky fan is dancing onto the ice.

Can you believe this guy?
What's going on here?

-Spud, what are you doing?
-Yo, get your digits, fool.

And, oh, the scandal.

He's totally na-- (YELPS)

Manicure down! (IMITATES SIREN)

You know, I might actually feel bad

if knobby knuckles didn't do this
every time we play air hockey.



Come on. Game on.

(BUZZER SOUNDS)

-JAKE: What the--
-TRIXIE: Hey!

Game off, losers.

The Brad's just gotta show off
his hockey for his hotties.

Boy, I don't think so.

Wh... what are you talkin' about?
It was an injury timeout.

No, it's cool. He can have the table.

Say what?

If he can win it from me.

My treat.

(CHUCKLES) Wrinkly.

Aw, come on, now.

Almost got it.



Aw, for the love
of George Washington's grill,

just use another dollar, Jakey.

This is (CHUCKLES)
kind of the only one I got.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Check out Jake Long.

Or should we call you Jake short?

Like "Jake's a little short
on cash right now.

"Could he borrow some from
the Bradster money wad?"

"No. Wad love Bradster.

"Wad never leave Bradster."

(BLOWS RASPBERRY)

(LAUGHS)

What, you don't get lonely?

You can't figure how to round up
some of your buddies

so I don't get punked like that?

Stupid money. (GRUNTS)

Get it all, lads. They'll be on us.

What? Who's after you?

(GROWLING)

Sharing time, little ones.

You give us your gold,
or we give you our iron and brass.

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

♪ He's cool, he's hot like a frozen sun ♪

♪ He's young and fast,
He's the chosen one ♪

♪ People, we're not bragging ♪

♪ He's the American Dragon ♪

♪ He's gonna stop his enemies
with his dragon power ♪

♪ Dragon teeth, dragon tail,
burnin' dragon fire ♪

♪ A real live wire ♪

♪ American Dragon ♪

♪ American Dragon ♪

♪ He's the American Dragon ♪

♪ His skills are getting faster ♪

♪ With Grandpa, the master ♪

♪ His destiny, what's up, G? ♪

♪ It's showtime, baby, for the legacy ♪

♪ American Dragon ♪

♪ I'm a dragon ♪

♪ I'm not braggin', it's my destiny ♪

♪ American Dragon ♪

♪ I'm the magical protector of the NYC ♪

Ya heard?

♪ American Dragon ♪

Yeow!

We want the shiny gold. Give it.

Is there a problem here, ugly?

(GROWLS) Who are you callin' ugly,

squishy, meaty human?

(ROARS)

-(GASPS)
-Oh.

Not so squishy and meaty, huh?

Dragon up.

(GRUNTS)

(YELPS)

That club's stuck on you.
Time for a breakup.

(GRUNTS)

I know. Sometimes it hurts to let go.

You guys all right?

Quite the scrapper, aren't you, lad?

You didn't have to do that for us.

No big. The Am Drag's
all about protecting magical creatures.

And you have the gratitude
of Brocamas Arrowgood

and the Arrowgood clan for it.

(CHEERING)

No, no, no.
I really don't do this for money.

Well, I could've told you that
from lookin' at your outfit, laddie.

(LAUGHS)

Just havin' a bit of fun with you.

You're a good folk. Keep it.

If you ever want
to see a real pot of gold,

just follow the rainbow.

Yo, what's wrong with my threads?

FU: Oh, yeah,
that's quality leprechaun gold.

Metal's pure. Carving's exquisite.

And check this out.
Simoleons with a soundtrack.

Sweet. What do you think, Fu?

On the lobe or on the ivories?

(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)

Leprechaun gold. (SCOFFS)

Many a man has done
many a foolish thing

in pursuit of leprechaun gold.

You must return it
before you get a taste for it.

Come on, G. There's nothing wrong
with a little cash and flizzash.

I'm tired of lookin' like a chump

just 'cause punks like Brad Morton
get, like, a billion times my allowance.

It's all about respect, yo.

There is no golden shortcut
to respect, young dragon.

If you feel your cash and fizzash
is inadequate,

I suggest you get a part-time job.

I gotta go with gramps on that one, kid.

There's nothin' like earnin'
an honest day's pay.

Mint? Biscuit?

Eau du toilet?

Thanks for the tip.

On second thought, kid,
stick with the easy money.

Fu Dog? Do you not have
more important business to attend to?

-All right, all right.
-What's up?

I got a lead on an Aztec crystal skull.

You know, one of those things
the Huntsman's planning to destroy

all magical creatures with.

For real? Where is it?

Well, that's the problem. It's close.

Either it's in or just outside the city,

but I just can't pin it down.

Those skulls are the greatest threat
the magical community has ever seen.

You cannot become distracted
by the lure of easy money.

Return the gold, young dragon.

Oh-ee, player, player!

That is goldier than gold, okay?

It's like gold got married to diamonds,

and then they had a baby,
and his name was, giamold.

Yo, Spud, keep it down, man.

Oh, my gold.

Where did you find gold like that?

I've never seen anything like it.

Stacey, likey?

Wow. Can I see?

Oh, wow.

-What is it?
-You like it? It is pretty cool, huh?

Yeah. It's no crime to shine.

Now that's what I'm talking about.

Give me a little more of this stuff,
and I could rule that school.

(GASPS)

BROCAMAS: If you ever want to see
a real pot of gold,

just follow the rainbow.

"Pot o' gold imports-exports."

Whoa!

Pardon me. Excuse me.
There's one under your foot.

-Thank you.
-Dirty, cheatin' leprechauns!

Clear out, lads! Run!

Brocamas, what's goin' on?

Ah, Dragon lad,

would you mind helping me
with a wee bit of a giant problem?

(ROARS)

I'm... not... happy!

Yo, there is nothing
"wee bit" about that dude.

Oh, what's his problem?

(CHUCKLES) Well,
he didn't like his purchase.

He says he wants his gold back.

And you couldn't just give him a refund?

Ha! What do you think we are,
dainty, wish-grantin' pixies?

(ROARS)

(GRUNTS)

All right. Let me try something.

Hey! Hey, there. Easy, big guy!

How about we just
talk about our feelings

instead of showing them with our fists?

You talk funny.

Not belly-jiggle funny, strange funny.

See? We're gettin' along already.

Now, what's making you so angry?

Dirty, cheatin' leprechauns!

(GROANS)

Whoa! Whoa! Leprechauns?

I don't see any leprechauns here.

But... This leprechaun store.

Now who's talkin' funny?

How can there be a leprechaun store
if there aren't any leprechauns?

No leprechauns?

And if there's no leprechauns,

then you must not be angry, right?

Not angry?

What, you're not angry?

Now, that is good to hear.

Off you go, happy little giant.

Now skip away laughing. (LAUGHS)

(LAUGHING)

Well, well, well, not just a fighter.

He's a clever one, too.

Welcome to the Arrowgood clan, boyo.

What the... hey!

What the heck is this?

You followed the rainbow.
We assumed you were takin' the job.

-Job?
-Protection, lad.

Should be right clear we need it.

But I already protect magical creatures.

Well, from now on, you'll be protecting
some of us more than others.

Gramps did say I should
get a part-time job.

And did I mention the signing bonus?

Guess who's kickin' it gold-school, y'all?

Aw, man.

-Awesome!
-Hey, is that the real deal?

-Nice!
-Beauter scooter, bro!

Yo, Jakey, how did you cop this thing?

I'll tell you all about it.
But first, somebody wanna park this thing?

-Sure, man.
-I'll do it!

-Over here!
-Let me try it. I got my learner's.

You workin' for leprechauns?

I know gramps told me
just to give back the gold,

but I thought I'd just...

(SIGHS) You're right. I should--

Jakey, what are you doing?

Isn't this the part where you try to
talk me out of defying my gramps advice

so I avoid some
wacky and dangerous shenanigans?

Are you kidding me? You got gold, player.

Full speed ahead with the crazy.

Whoo whoo! All aboard
the bling-bling express!

Now, what exactly do you do?

We've got rare magical antiques
comin' and goin'

from all over
the 17 known dimensions here.

Name it, we can find it.
Providin' you've got the gold

to make it worth our while.

No surprisin', there's many a rogue

who'd like to knick
the fruits of our hard labor.

But now they'll have to get through
the Am Drag first.

(LAUGHS) Our best good-luck charm,

like a fire-breathin' 4-leaf clover.

Yo! Out of the way!

Trixie takes the pole position.

Whee! (GASPS)

You saw nothing.

How could I?
With the shine comin' off this gold?

Come on. It's just one leprechaun.
Take him out, and the stuff's ours.

(CLEARS THROAT)

-CDs.
-Video games!

Cupcakes!

Park it someplace nice, kid.

Hey, get these cleaned for me, will ya?

You got it, Chief.
Is it okay if I call you chief?

'Cause if it's not--

Jake, ai-yah, where have you been?

Gramps. I... I was just takin' care of...

some Am Drag bidness.

Why have you not followed up
on the Aztec crystal skull

Fu Dog has located?

I've been busy, a'ight?

Besides, last I heard,
Fu hadn't really located anything.

Hey! I'm workin' on it.

Sorry, G, but time is money,

and I don't have enough of either.

Brocamas.

Whoops, gotta roll.

If Fu finds that skull,
I'll see if I can fit you in.

Dragon up!

Since when did the kid get a hot line?

BROCAMAS: Sorry for callin'
you back in, lad,

but we got a special order
that's a mite tricky to fill:

A one-of-a-kind
pixie-crafted jewelry box.

What's the problem?
Pixies askin' too much?

Oh, no. Pixies lost it long ago,

but we've tracked it down
to an old hobgoblin treasure cave

just north of town.

It's abandoned now

but somebody's gonna have to get past

a whole shillelagh load of booby traps
to get that box.

And that somebody would be...

Gettin' a golden skateboard, of course.

Puh-lease. It's not
always about the money, is it?

Okay, yeah, it is.

JAKE: You guys sure about this?

-You didn't have to come along.
-Look here, baby.

I figure if you're gonna let us share
the lifestyle, we ought to share the life.

And I just like using
my cave explorer's vocabulary.

Abseil, ground trog,

spelunking. (CHUCKLES)

Spelunking. (CHUCKLES)

It makes tickles in my mouth.

Careful. This place is supposed
to be nasty with the booby traps.

Oh, grow up, Spud.

No, I was just
thinking about the word "spelunking."

Is it ever not funny?

It's like,
"are you coming home for dinner, dear?"

"Sorry, I've still got some spelunking
to do at the office."(CHUCKLES)

(YELPS) Oopsie.

Stay close. Whatever it is,
let me handle it.

(RUMBLING)

(SCREAMS)

Um, that was kind of anticlimactic.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

-Huh? Say what?
-That's it?

-(ALL GASP)
-No.

-What's happening?
-(ALL SCREAMING)

(GRUNTS)

Hit the floor!

(SCREAMING)

That was so scary.

Spelunking. (CHUCKLES)

-Shut up, Spud.
-Shut up, Spud.

There we go.
One antique magical jewelry box.

That's it? That thing better spit out
some magic flying pixie dust

or enchanted rainbows or something.

(GRUNTS)

Can't tell. It's got a ton of locks on it.

Brocamas, we got it.

Your cellphone gets 4 bars

at the bottom
of a hobgoblin treasure cave?

Your reception is like magic. Oh!

Keep searching, Fu Dog. We must find
the location of that crystal skull.

Anytime you wanna sort through 600 years
of lost Aztec history

on a five-year-old computer
drinking yesterday's cocoa,

be my guest, but until then...

Hold up. I think I got something.

-(GRUNTS)
-Okay, so what do you want me to do?

BROCAMAS: Just sit tight, laddie.
The buyer's on his way to pick it up.

Oh, and, um,
I suggest you meet him in your human form.

Dragons make this duffer a wee bit uneasy.

Uneasy? Who's the buyer, the Huntsman?

(ALL GASPING)

-Jake?
-I see I'm expected.

Good.
I'll be taking my package now, boy.

Well, looks like a bunch of hobgoblins

were the last to have the skull.

They hid that thing in one of
their treasure caves

not too far north of here.

I think I even got a picture.

(COMPUTER SCANNING)

And thus we are one step
closer to our final goal...

The end of all foul magical creatures...

who pollute this planet.

(SNIGGERS)

Another crystal skull is ours.

Tell your filthy leprechaun master
his gold is on the way.

-Come, Huntsgirl.
-Wait!

-You can't--
-Hi-ya!

No one touches the Huntsman.

This isn't the time. We'll figure out
a way to get it back, I promise.

(GRUNTS)

Whoo!

(GAGS)

I can't believe Brocamas would do business
with a dude like the Huntsman.

And I just helped him.

I guess some people just
can't control themselves

-when it comes to gold.
-(SCOFFS)

What? What do you... I think I've been
very reasonable with my purchases.

What? The golden undies
came free with the golden socks.

It was a matching set.

So, what are we gonna do now?

I'm gonna fly you two home,

and then I'm gonna go
take care of bidness.

(HUMMING)

Ah, good to see you, Jake.

Tiptop work tonight, boyo.

Don't give me that.
You sold out to the Huntsman.

How could you do that?

Same reason you did.
For the gold, of course.

It's just business, lad.

Just business? Even if it means

handing over an Aztec crystal skull
to the Huntsman?

(STUTTERS) There was
an Aztec skull in that box?

Yeah, and if he gets his hands
on the rest of 'em,

he'll have enough power to wipe out
every magical creature on the earth.

How's that gonna be for business?

(STUTTERS) I didn't know.

-What can we do?
-Get the Huntsman on the horn.

I've got an idea.

Yes, sir, I'm very sorry,

but I didn't know the box was cursed.

No, no, no. I've got
a counter curse charm,

but I'll need to see the box
and all its contents as soon as possible.

Shall we meet at the same spot?

Ah, I see.

Of course. Right, then.

He didn't go for it?

No, he'll be there in an hour
with a whole squad of huntsclan.

Looks like you'll be earnin' your pay
on this one, lad.

(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)

Did I not warn you to return the gold
before you did something this foolish?

I'm sorry, Gramps,

I just got all caught up
in the props I was gettin'.

Gold will buy many things, young dragon,

but true respect
will never be one of them.

That can only come from within.

I know, and I'm sorry.

But I really need your help
if I'm gonna make this thing right.

Of course.

But even two dragons are no match

for an entire squad of huntsclan.

Where are we going to recruit an army
in less than an hour?

Hm, it's like someone once told me, G,

"many a dude would get all up
into the crizzazy stuff

"in pursuit of leprechaun gold."

I never used the word "dude."

So I hipped you up a bit. Let's bounce.

My patience is wearing thin, Arrowgood.
Show yourselves.

Sheesh.
Don't get your cape in a wad, huntsie.

Brocamas had business,
but I got a special delivery for you

-straight from my foot to your--
-Foolish dragon.

-You are no match--
-(ROARING)

The leprechaun will pay for his treachery,

but not before you pay with your lives,
dragons.

I'd kind of like to keep my life.

How about we try
a different payment plan?

Oh.

That's all the leprechaun gold I own.

It's all yours as soon
as you take these punks out.

Sounds good to me. It's payday.

I can pay you double.
Attack the dragons instead.

Did I mention the signing bonus?

(HORN HONKS)

(ALL GASP)

Put a little extra hurt on the big dude,

and there's a pair of golden boxer shorts
in it for you.

Charge!

(ALL ROARING)

Huh? (YELPS)

-Get him!
-Get him!

Get him! Don't let him escape!

Jake, now!

Master, look out!

No!

Skull you later, huntsdude.

(WHISTLES)

But it's so shiny and fun.

All right.

You will pay for this, dragons!

FU: You know, some people collect stamps.

But hey, whatever floats
your boat there, gruesome.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Brocamas.

Congratulations, boyo.

I heard our mission was an utter success,
so I brought you a wee present.

Now on to business,
I've got your new assignment, and--

Sorry. The Am Drag's not for sale.

Well, you got my respect, kid.

Or maybe they could
call you Jake tag-along,

like "Jake wishes he could tag along

"with the Bradster and his money wad."

"No. Wad not--" (GASPS)

Hey!

-(GASPS)
-(EXCLAIMING)

(CHEERING)

Huh? Hey! My money!

No offense, baby boy,
but did you have to choose

self-respect over the gold?

It's cool. Fu said he'd hook me up
with a part-time job.

We'll be back in the bling in no time.

Mint? Biscuit?

Eau du, um, toilet?

SPUD: Fu agreed to let me do
today's wrap-up

as long as I spend it telling you more
about Jake's hydrant attendant job.

Okay, so here's Jake and spelunking,

and he's doing his fire
hydrant thing, spelunking--

FU: Whoa! Who said
you could use this time

as an excuse to say the word "spelunking"
over and over.

Come on, as if...

Now, where was I? Right.

So while Jake was handing out mints,
spelunking--

All right, hand it over, potato boy.

-Gimme that, you--
-Let go!

(RATTLING)

-FU: Now see what you done?
-SPUD: I'll get the broom.

Spelunking.