American Dragon: Jake Long (2005–2007): Season 2, Episode 1 - Bring It On - full transcript

Whoa! You've got to feel bad
for that dude.

I just don't get how a guy
with no head

could have been a very good emperor.

Ooh! Is it me, or is Kyle Wilkins
looking extra crispy

with a side of mmm-mmm?

Ugh, Trix! You know me and Spud
don't do girl talk.

Yeah, that'd be fairly creepy.

But speaking of "extra crispy,"

the cheerleaders are looking H-O-T,
spells smoking!

So, you think I should tell Stacey that
her beauty haunts my every waking moment?

Uh, since when are you crushing on Stacey?



Since our life-altering encounter
in the cafeteria last Tuesday.

(GASPS) Ew! It touched me.

My head's been spinning ever since.

Spud, those cheerleaders can't even
pass by a wall without insulting it.

Ladies, observe. The wall.

Now, tear it to shreds.

I'll start it off.
That wall is blank and stupid.

Uh, what's wrong with
a little constructive criticism?

ROTWOOD: Enough with the chitty-chat!

As official field trip chaperone,

I will remind you that
the Cosmopolitan Museum of Art

is a hallowed institution.

You are to treat it with respect.

(GASPS) You saw nothing,
you heard nothing. Moving on.



-(LOUD CRASH)
-(GASPS)

WOMAN: At last, I'm free!

-(COUGHING)
-(WOMAN SIGHS)

Do you have any idea how stuffy it gets
inside that marble?

-(RADIO BEEPS)
-We got a situation down here.

(SHRIEKS) Sweet Granny Moses!

WOMAN: Mortal fool!

You think you can escape Fury's power?

(CHUCKLES) Once I find my sisters,
we shall once again rule the Earth.

(CACKLES) Ooh, I still got it.

Oh, is that a split end?

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

♪ He's cool, he's hot, like a frozen sun ♪

♪ He's young and fast
He's the chosen one ♪

♪ People, we're not braggin' ♪

♪ He's the American Dragon ♪

♪ He's gonna stop his enemies
with his dragon power ♪

♪ Dragon teeth, dragon tail,
burnin' dragon fire ♪

♪ A real live wire ♪

♪ American Dragon ♪

♪ American Dragon ♪

♪ He's the American Dragon ♪

♪ His skills are gettin' faster ♪

♪ With Grandpa, the master ♪

♪ His destiny, what's up, G? ♪

♪ It's showtime, baby, for the legacy ♪

♪ American Dragon ♪

♪ I'm a dragon, I'm not braggin'
It's my destiny ♪

♪ I'm the magical protector of the NYC ♪

Ya heard?

♪ American Dragon ♪

Yeow!

Afternoon, milady. I'm Spud.

Perhaps you remember me

from our brief yet monumental
cafeteria encounter.

Ladies, observe. Weird boy.

Now, tear him to shreds.

I'll start. What kind of freakish name
is Spud?

Totes. Was your mom, like,
some kind of potato farmer?

(ALL LAUGHING)

(SIGHS) I guess I better go in
for the save.

Uh, excuse me, girlfriend.

Nobody puts down Spud except for me.

Okay, so we'll tear you down instead.

-Ladies.
-Ooh, I'll start.

Did you get your hair done in a bakery?

And do they even sell women's clothes
at where you bought those pants?

It's called being an individual, honey.

Something you "cheerleading
but nobody is following" clones

wouldn't know if it took a bite
out of your mass-produced rump shakers.

Come on, Spud. Let's rotate.

Uh, okay,

but I think I was making
real progress here.

FURY: Mommy knows, sweetie-kins.

I don't want to put you away either,
but we're gonna go find our sisters.

Uh-huh. Yes, we are.

So we can take over the world again.
(CHUCKLES)

Wow. I am hot.

(CHUCKLES) Whatev with that tomboy.

She was all... Oh, my bad.
I didn't see you.

I must have a blind spot for horrid hats.

Are you talking to me?

Yeah. We don't dish with freakos
in frazny ensembles.

-(ALL LAUGHING)
-Insolent mortals.

You dare mock Fury.
Do you not know who I am?

(ALL GASPING)

GRANDPA: Jake, Fu Dog!

Can you tell us what you saw?

Well, I don't know what it was,
but it was pretty weird.

There's been an incident at the museum.

I swear, I didn't know
that toilet was art.

I am afraid it's something more serious.

FU DOG: Oh, brother, her name's Fury.

She's one of the three Gorgons.

The who-gons?

Three powerful sisters.

Combined, they have the power
to imprison in stone

anyone who looks at them.

And they make the worst triple date
in the history of magical females.

-Believe me.
-So what's their story?

FU DOG: Ah, you see, Fury and her sisters,

Euryale and Medusa,
ruled over the ancient world,

forcing all magical creatures
to do their bidding.

GRANDPA: Until a Greek warrior
used their own reflections

to imprison them in stone,

where they have remained
for thousands of years.

Only now, Fury is footloose
and fancy free.

And most likely, looking to turn the world
into living lawn ornaments.

Alone, Fury's gaze
will only hypnotize her victims.

To restore the Gorgon's full powers,

she must first find and free
her two sisters.

Which means we gotta find 'em first.

TRIXIE: Jakey, you and Spud,
you think I dress real cool, right?

JAKE: What do we know?

We leave the girls' fashion to the girls.

Yeah, you're one of us. One of the guys.

TRIXIE: Excuse me. I'm more than that.

I, Trixie Carter, am glam all the way.

JAKE: Yeah, let's talk later, okay?

Yeah, yeah, make it snappy.

If Fury looks anything like her sister,
I think I get why she's so mad.

Actually, Mommy always said
I was the pretty one.

JAKE: Whoa! (GRUNTS)

(JAKE COUGHS)

(GRUNTS)

Something your momma forgot to tell you,

nobody messes with the hair.

Jakey, watch your back.

(JAKE GRUNTS)

JAKE: Whoa! Why did it have to be snakes?

(JAKE GRUNTS)

(GASPS) My baby!

Oh, sweetheart, are you okay?

What up, Fury? That all you got?

Not even close.

Minions, attack!

(JAKE GRUNTING)

Stacey, Tracey, Lacey?

That's right, Dragon.
We girls do everything together.

(JAKE GRUNTS)

Man, those girls have mastered
the put-down

and the beatdown.

(JAKE GRUNTS)

GRANDPA: Oh, no. Fury must have
the cheerleaders under her spell.

Fret not, my precious pudding cup.

Spuddy will make things all better.

The spell must have an on/off switch.

'Cause we stopped by the gym this morning
and the cheerleaders seemed fine.

They didn't remember anything.

Fury has an inborn ability
to sense the location of her sisters.

Surely, she will use
the cheerleaders again

to help retrieve
her only other sister, Medusa.

And so far, our search for Medusa
has turned up zilch.

Then our only hope is to get in tight
with the cheerleaders.

If Fury summons them again,
then they can lead us right to the statue.

Yes. If only we knew a girl
who could go undercover as a cheerleader.

A girl who could track their every move.

A girl that goes to our school.

A girl with serious moves.

(COUGHS, CLEARS THROAT)

Have some tea, dear.
It's good for your throat.

What? I don't need no tea.

Why don't I go undercover
as a cheerleader?

(LAUGHS) Trixie as a cheerleader?

-(JAKE AND SPUD LAUGHING)
-Thanks, Trix.

-I think we got it covered though.
-(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)

Behold, your new mascot.

Ew! Keep dreaming, freako.

So spirited yet so gentle.

Spud, focus.

Fury's gonna turn the world to stone
unless we find someone...

-(DOOR OPENS)
-(BOTH GASP)

Hey, y'all, what's crackalatin'?

I'm here to try out
for your little cheer squad.

(STAMMERS) I... I...

I didn't know Trixie had a sister.

FURY: Euryale, my sister.

-You are free.
-(GROANS)

Is this a new world?

At last, we will rule again!

And once we find Medusa,
none shall stand in the way of...

Oh, no. You are not wearing my bracelet.

So, you just prance in here
wearing that outfit

and you think you can be on the team?

Actually, this is what makes me think
I can be on the team.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(MUSIC STOPS)

I still can't believe you made the team!

You know, I don't think
I've ever seen your kneecaps before.

They're like little smiles.

Uh, whatever.

Did you see how the cheerleaders
loved my moves?

I was getting to them, wasn't I?

Stacey even said I can help the team
get into the states.

(UNENTHUSIASTICALLY)
Yeah, that's, uh, great.

So, have you noticed anything
out of the ordinary yet?

We only had one practice.

But other than the fact that

Macey's hand cream
smells like rotten peaches,

they seem like your typical,
popular, mean-girl type.

Trix, this whole undercover thing
could take days, maybe weeks.

You sure you can handle it?

Handle what? Being a girl?

Hmm. Believe it. Just 'cause
I don't want to be a cheerleader

doesn't mean I can't.

-(DOOR OPENS)
-(GIRLS GIGGLING)

(STAMMERING)

What up, ladies?

Cheer hug! (GIGGLES)

What? You think you can hang with us
outside of practice, too?

Uh, totes?

(CHUCKLES) Okay, let's get
something straight, wannabe.

You may be on the team,
but you are not one of us yet.

That little routine of yours
was test number one.

So, what's test number two?

Surprise wardrobe inspection.

Your house, 20 minutes. You in?

Uh, bring it on, girlfriends. (CHUCKLES)

So, uh, welcome to my, um,
fresh abode, ladies.

Whatever. Let's see what you've got.

(ALL GASPING)

LACEY: Oh, my barf!

-(SIGHS)
-It's okay, girl. Deep breaths.

In with the pretty, out with the ugly.

What? These pants?

Hmm. They put the hip in hip-hop.

-Don't they?
-Oh, sure.

If you're a rapping bricklayer
at a tool belt convention.

Oh. Well, I do have these, but...

(ALL GASP)

STACEY: Trevoss Saint Trendosh originals?

(GASPS) Renard De Laurence exclusives?

Yeah, my mom, she's an airline pilot.

She buys me all kinds of stuff
from all over the world.

It's not really my style, but...

Uh, clean up aisle your mouth.

This is so your style.

Can't you see yourself dishing about boys
in this fresh ensemble?

(CHUCKLES) Yeah.

I do look kinda fresh, don't I?

So, does anybody else think Kyle Wilkins

is a snackalicious combo platter
with extra hottie sauce?

Sizzling, girl!

-Oh, totes.
-He's a major Orlando in Bloom.

(GIRLS LAUGHING)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(SIGHS) That facial
was the business, right?

I still can't believe
we didn't have to pay.

Cheerleaders never pay.

We bring in titanic business, okay?
People go there 'cause we go there.

Yeah. The day I pay for facials

is the day I believe Lacey's
as good a co-captain

as me and Stacey.

Oh, totes!

-Hey!
-Enough with the bickering.

Let's get back to business.

Okay, wannabe, you've got the moves
and the look.

Now it's time to check
your cheerleader 'tude.

The next person who comes around
that corner, rip him to shreds.

What? I don't... I don't know if I can...

SPUD: Hey, Trix. You like my new look?

What are you waiting for?
Finish him already.

Spud, what is your issue?

Well, this outfit chafes a little
on the rumpus region, but...

No, I mean in life.

You've needed help tying your shoes
since you was five.

Your favorite TV show is
Mr. Piggy's Playhouse.

And when you belt out brownie recipes
in home ec,

people laugh at you, not with you, okay?

So hold us all down.

One, grow up, and two, scram.

-Beat it. Get lost!
-Nice claws, girl.

-(GROWLS)
-You really mashed that potato.

STACEY: Good one.

JAKE: Trixie? Trix!

(GIGGLES) What? What?

Those things you said to Spud,

as he put it, "they were extra harsh
with a side of mean beans."

What?

I'm pretending to be one of them.
Isn't that the plan?

Yeah, but do you have to pretend so hard?

Here. We're miking you
for the sleepover tonight.

Miking me? For what?

Uh, to get the info on the Gorgons.

You know, the twisted sisters
who wanna turn the world to stone.

-Ring any bells?
-Oh, yeah, right, right.

-(CLEARS THROAT) So, anyway, girl...
-(BOTH GIGGLING)

TRIXIE: Yo, what is all this?

The way you peeled Potato Boy today
made it official.

You're one of us, girl.

-(CHUCKLES) Really?
-Totally.

-You rule.
-(ALL SHRIEKING EXCITEDLY)

-I know! Let's play truth or dare.
-(ALL GIGGLING)

Totally. You go first, Trix.

I... I pick truth.

Okay, if you could kiss any boy
in the school, who would it be?

Mmm, I guess I'd have to pick... Spud?

(SCREAMING)

No, no, no, no, no.
That's just jokes, baby.

Hold up. I gotta, um,
bounce to the ladies room real quick.

Alone.

Spud?

Trix, you okay? We lost the audio.

I turned it off.

We're talking about
private girl stuff in here.

Now, get out of here
before you blow my cover.

Your cover, or your status
as one of the girls?

Look, Spud, in case you hadn't noticed,
I am a girl.

And girls don't betray
each other's secrets.

Hey, you guys, wait up.

Is it time for the scavenger hunt?

Hey! What's going on, y'all?

Uh, something tells me
this ain't a scavenger hunt.

You guys?
I don't know, let's get out of here.

I think there's some bad business
about to go down and I...

Oh... Uh-oh.

Oh, look, Euryale, a guest. (CHUCKLES)

Let's try to make her welcome.

(FURY LAUGHING EVILLY)

-It's quiet in there.
-Maybe they're sleeping?

Hold up. Girls don't actually sleep
at sleepovers.

BOTH: Huh? Uh-oh.

GRANDPA: Trixie was our one link
to the cheerleaders.

If Fury has indeed summoned them,
it may be too late.

Fu, don't you have
some kind of spell or potion

or something we can use to find her?

Well, nothing that wouldn't take
at least a day or two to whip up.

What about you, Spudinski?

You're obsessed with
that Stacey girl, right?

Any idea where we could find her?

JAKE: You invented this thing
to track Stacey's every move?

Sheesh, even I'm not this weird
about girls.

-(DEVICE BEEPING)
-According to the Geo Stacey Tracker 3.0,

she's somewhere out there.

Let's pick up the pace, ladies.

I'm missing
some serious beauty sleep here.

-Trix?
-FURY: Minions, seize them.

SPUD: Uh... Uh-oh.

Whoa!

(JAKE GRUNTS)

Euryale, don't just stand there. Help me!

Okay!

But for the record,
nobody likes a bossy Becky.

At last! Our sister.

Ugh! That rock made my skin so dry.

Please tell me you don't live here.

Or you could try saying "thank you."

Euryale, Medusa, take my hands.

(GRUNTS) Sorry, sisters.

It's time to break up
this little family reunion.

(GRUNTING)

(GROANING) Huh?

Okay, Spud, it's all you.

Hey there, Gorgons.

No. It can't be.

It looks like the warrior
who imprisoned us.

Now taste your own reflections!

Um, I feel like
that could have gone better.

FURY: You, minion, finish him.

Trix? Whoa!

(SPUD GRUNTS)

Trixie?

Trixie, thanks. What? What are you doing?

Trixie, no! It's me, Spud.

Ugh, what are you waiting for, minion?

Will you finish him already?

Who do you hang out with
after school every day

watching Mr. Piggy's Playhouse?

Me. Spud. Spudinski.

Your friend.

Huh?

Spud?

(SPUD SCREAMS)

My spell. She broke my spell.

That's right, Fury.

And I'm about to break
a whole lot of something else.

Nobody defies me.

I am Fury, ruler of all!

Uh, excuse me? We rule together.

Yeah. Who died and made you queen?

Man, those Gorgons bicker worse
than the cheer...

Hold up! I got an idea.

Hey, Fury, didn't you say
you were more powerful than Medusa?

'Cause if you ask me,
she deserves to rule, not you.

-You said you were more powerful?
-Ugh, please.

Like you could ever rule without me.

Well, everybody knows Medusa,
but what the heck is a Fury?

And since only one of you
can really be handling things,

why shouldn't it be her?

Well, girlfriend's got a point.

But I am the most important
of the Gorgon sisters.

Um, reality check, sweetie.

We are just as important as you are.

-I'm the ruler.
-Hello, I am.

I am!

(SCREAMING)

JAKE: Whoa! Huh?

SPUD: Trix, it worked.

-BOTH: Huh?
-(ALL SCREAM)

(GASPING)
Like, are we in the Hudson River?

I think we were sleepwalking together.

So, you've hung up
your cheer outfit for good, huh?

Yeah. Turns out, being one of the girls
wasn't all that after all.

Ditto with my Spartacus uniform.

The whole thing
just reeked of desperation.

Desperation and B.O.

Thanks for hanging with me, guys.

You know, especially after
I kinda acted brand new.

Oh, come on. Friends don't give up
on each other that easy.

Plus, you kinda saved our lives
in a majorly dramatic fashion.

From now on, me and Spud
are gonna be there for you.

Even to talk about the girl stuff.

Ooh, ooh, look!
Is it me or does Kyle Wilkins...

spread on fine like cheese on...

Uh, save it for the ladies, Jakey.

Thank you.

You know, if you could be brought back
from the dark side,

maybe there's hope
for my precious Stacey, too.

-Oh, excuse me, I...
-Ew, it touched me again!

-(SCREAMS)
-Oh, yeah, she digs me.

AUTOMATED VOICE:
You have a new message.

ROTWOOD: Hello, Mother.
It's your favorite son.

You know, Hans.

Anyway, listen,
I'm in jail... again. (CHUCKLES)

But not for mistaking a student
for a dragon

and locking him in the back of the truck
like last time.

No, you see, I knocked over
a priceless statue

at the Cosmopolitan Museum of Art.

Anyway, I need you to wire me
the bail money.

Quickly. (PANTING)

My cellmate calls himself Beef

and takes much pleasure in showing me
his many tattoos.

-Auf Wiedersehen.
-(ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS)