American Dragon: Jake Long (2005–2007): Season 1, Episode 8 - Professor Rotwood's Thesis - full transcript
Professor Rotwood offers his students $500 for physical proof of the existence of magical creatures.
(THEME SONG PLAYING)
♪ He's cool, he's hot like a frozen sun ♪
♪ He's young and fast
He's the chosen one ♪
♪ People, we're not braggin' ♪
♪ He's the American Dragon ♪
♪ He's gonna stop his enemies ♪
♪ With his dragon power ♪
♪ Dragon teeth, dragon tall
burnin' dragon fire ♪
♪ A real live wire ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
Dragon up!
♪ American Dragon ♪
Oh, oh, oh, whoa!
♪ He's the American Dragon ♪
♪ Break it down with the dragon ♪
♪ Skills are gettin' faster ♪
♪ With Grandpa, the master ♪
♪ His destiny, what's up, G? ♪
♪ It's showtime, baby, for the legacy ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ From the "J" to the "A" ♪
♪ To the "K" to the "E" ♪
♪ I'm the MacDaddy dragon
of the NYC ♪
Ya heard!
GRANDPA: Jake! Get back to work!
Aw, man.
(BELL RINGS)
Yo. This is some seriously messed up
homework assignment.
For real.
What's the point
in making us carry around
a stupid egg for the weekend?
Stupid? Dude, don't talk about
our baby like that.
This is gonna teach all of us
to become nurturing caregivers. Ha ha.
I think I'm gonna name him Smiley.
When he grows up,
I want him to be just like me.
Uh, Spud, I hate
to bust your bubble, baby,
But when he grows up,
he's gonna be an omelet.
Let me see him.
Delivery for Jake Long.
Sign here.
Jake, come to Grandpa's shop.
There is a critical dragon emergency.
I gotta jet, guys.
Do me a favor
and watch the egg for me
until I get back.
You're always working.
What about some quality time
with our child?
You're tearing this family apart!
Sorry, guys.
The American Dragon
has more important things to do
than guard an egg.
Egg? You want me to guard an egg?
Not just any egg. A griffin egg.
A grif... What?
A griffin is a magical creature
with the body of a lion
and the wings and head of an eagle.
It lays an egg only once
every thousand years.
So it's a pretty big deal.
And because griffin eggs are so rare,
there's a lot of undesirables
who'd love to get their hands on one.
Jake, it is imperative
that you guard the egg until it hatches.
No prob, G.
Yo. Where's this griffin at anyway?
Whoa!
That's long way down.
Hey, at least you got wings, kid.
(SQUAWKS)
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
No worries.
The Am-Drag's in the hiz-ouse!
Dragon up!
Ain't nobody even gonna think
about messing with your...
(SQUAWKS)
Egg?
The egg is ours.
Come on, kid.
We gotta go get that egg poacher.
Ha ha. Get it? Poached? Egg?
With the... Oh, forget it.
Don't worry about your egg.
I'm all over this.
Let's fly.
It's beautiful.
More importantly, it's valuable.
-One problem.
-What?
Argh!
It's not yours.
Argh!
Hyah!
(GRUNTS)
Wha!
-Hey!
-Got it. I got it.
-I don't got it.
-The egg!
Oh, so that's how they make
egg drop soup, huh?
(CHUCKLES) Get it? Egg? Drop?
All right. Start looking, kid.
We gotta get that egg back
to its mom before it hatches.
All right. All right.
All right. Let's see.
Ball... Ball...
Ball... Ball... Ball.
Ball...
Egg!
HUNTSGIRL: An egg? For me?
You shouldn't have,
but I'll take it anyway.
Hands over, dragon boy.
You know,
I like a girl who knows what she wants.
Too bad you're not getting it.
Dive!
Hyah!
Hyah! Hyah! Hyah!
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Ahhh!
BOTH: Whoa!
Excuse me, ma'am, but the ball bed
is only for children age six and under.
Can it, pipsqueak!
Whoa! Ow!
JAKE: Whoa!
FU: Hey!
I know you're in here, dragon.
(PANTING) We better hide here for a while.
(HUMMING LA MARSEILLAISE)
Monsieur, the food critic is here.
Non. C'est incroyable.
She just ordered the cheese omelet.
(FRENCH ACCENT)
Then I must make the finest
Omelette au fromage
in all of culinary history. Hmm.
I simply will... Oh!
I'm out of the egg. Sacré bleu!
An egg!
C'est un miracle!
Uh, adios, señor.
Uh! Whoa!
(CHEF SPEAKING FRENCH)
WOMAN: Ahhh!
Whoa!
Run!
Halt, you little... Oh!
Huh?
Come back immediately!
(PANTING)
(PANTING)
Sacré bleu!
Hey, you're not in an animal costume,
And you're costume reeks, man.
Don't you ever dry clean that thing?
Hey. I had a bath
just the other month.
Why, I ought to...
(PUNCHING)
Whoa! The egg!
(BOTH PANTING)
Whoa!
Uh! Whoo!
Well, here's the egg.
Wait. This is purple.
Hey...
There are eggs all over the place.
There it is!
(GRUNTS)
Lookee! Pretty!
Hey, uh, little girl,
would you mind giving me that egg?
-Please?
-No! My egg!
Mine! I finded it, doofus!
Yeah, but see, it's really,
really important that I...
(CRIES)
Hey!
(CRIES)
Mommy! Mommy!
The mean boy stolded my egg!
That punk stole my little girl's egg.
MAN: Let's get it back!
WOMAN: Let's get him.
Dragon up!
MAN 1: Where'd he go?
MAN 2:
Well, he was right here.
Whew. That was close.
I think that there...
Hey, look out!
Ahhh!
(BOTH GRUNTS)
What is this brown stuff?
(SNIFFS) Smells kinda funky.
It tastes like...
Peanut butter.
BOTH: Whoa!
Oh, man,
this sure is turning
into one egg-hausting day.
(LAUGHS)
Man, they just keep coming,
with the eggs and the thing...
Oh, forget it.
(SIGHS) At least the egg is safe.
Hey!
(LAUGHS EVILLY) Mine at last.
And now, dragon, I shall destroy you.
-(GRUNTS)
-Whoa!
Ahhh!
-The egg!
-After it!
Yo. Good luck finding that egg now.
HUNTSGIRL: Dragon!
-You will pay for this.
-(BOTH GRUNT)
-Uh-oh.
-Oh, this ain't gonna be pretty.
HUNTSMAN: Find the egg!
BOTH: Ahhh!
(BOTH GRUNT)
I am never eating peanut butter again.
JAKE: Oh, yes you are.
We're gonna have to unwrap
every one of these
and lick the peanut butter off.
It's the only way to find the egg.
Are you goofy, Jake?
There's millions of 'em.
Then we better get started.
-Egg number one.
-Oh, boy.
-(FU GROANS)
-Egg number 8,032.
Ugh. Peanut better again.
(GROANS)
Too much... Peanut butter.
(GROANS) 8,033.
Ugh! The griffin egg!
Ah. Hip... Hip...
(BELCHES) Hooray.
(GROANS) We better get back to the nest.
(GROANS)
To the Empire State Building!
Come on.
Come on. (GRUNTS)
How much, uh, longer?
-(GRUNTS)
-Hyah!
At last,
the griffin egg that will... Argh!
This time I got it.
This time I got it.
This time... I don't got it.
Do you think Smiley's
safe in my backpack?
Maybe we should invest
in a baby stroller.
Okay. Imagine your stamina...
No! The egg!
We're too late, kid.
It's sunnyside up.
The egg is scrambled, Master.
It's a poor thing.
Back to home sled.
Oh. It's my fault.
Oh. He never even
got a chance to get out of his shell.
The poor... Hey!
That's no magical griffin egg.
-It's Smiley.
-Smiley? What's that supposed to mean?
Well, for one it means
I'm gonna flunk Home Economics
this semester.
But more importantly,
we gotta find Spud and Trixie.
SPUD AND TRIXIE:
Yay! Whoo-hoo! Yeah!
TRIXIE: Yeah, baby.
Next! Ha ha!
SPUD: Toss Smiley over here.
I want to show him a trick.
Trixie! Spud!
No!
(GRUNTS)
(SIGHS IN RELIEF)
Oh, sure.
Now you want to take an interest
in our family.
Here it is. Safe and sound.
(SQUAWKS)
And just in time, kid.
Check out the egg.
You're about to witness
one of the miracles
of the magical world.
(SQUAWKS)
You know what, Fu?
Being the American Dragon
is a rough job,
but it's times like this
that make it all worth...
(GULPS AND BELCHES)
Hey... No... What the... Wha...
The griffin just ate the...
But... But I thought we...
Yo. That's gotta be
the most messed up thing
I've ever seen in my life.
Relax, kid. The griffin baby's fine.
It just has to live inside
the mother's digestive track
for a week or two after it hatches.
Then the mom throws it back up.
(BABY GRIFFIN SQUAWKS)
Ain't it beautiful?
I think I'm gonna hurl.
Well, time to make our eggs-it.
Mission egg-complished.
That's all, yolks.
(LAUGHS)
JAKE: Uh, Fu, about those egg puns,
never again, huh?
Sheesh. Sue a dog for having a little fun.
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
Ahhh!
(CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)
(LAUGHS)
Huh? (GASPS)
(GASPS) The gold!
Oh, what happened?
Oh, it's gone! It's gone! Oh!
Your move, Jake.
Okay. Uh...
Check this.
(SIGHS) Checkmate.
Huh?
TRIXIE: Hey, yo, Jake.
I hate to tear you away
from your big game,
but we gotta roll out.
Ready to go half pipe?
What do you say, Grandpa?
Can I go?
We've been playing this
boring game for three hours.
Sharpening the mind is never wasteful.
Life is a mental game, Jake.
You must always stay three steps
ahead of your opponent.
(IRISH ACCENT) There you are!
Oh, for the love of clover,
I've been looking all over for ya!
He's got our gold! All of it!
-Who?
-FU: Pandarus.
Eli Excelsior Pandarus.
Millionaire, jet-setting playboy...
(CROWD CHEERING)
Animal lover.
Otherwise know as the
"Wizard of Wall Street."
Do you mean, like, because he's made
millions at the stock market or...
No, I mean, like,
because he's a dark wizard.
Keep it up, kid, and lay off the sugar.
I cased this place this morning.
Pandarus Tower.
Ninety-seven floors.
Five million square feet,
and as of yesterday,
home to gross of stolen leprechaun gold.
Truth is, it's not four-leaf clovers
that give leprechauns luck.
It's this here gold, and without it,
the little green suckers
don't have a chance.
Wow. Are you hearing this?
I know, right?
I just can't get used to
the whole talking dog thing.
I mean, I see his mouth moving.
I hear the sounds coming out,
-but it just don't seem right.
-Ahem!
Look, kids,
I know you're new to this
whole magical world thing here,
but I'm here to tell you
it ain't all fairy wings
and forest nymphs.
Now, lucky for the leprechauns,
I got an elfin... Ahem...
Uh, lady friend on the inside
who slipped me the lowdown on the layout.
This here's the granddaddy of all vaults.
The vault is reinforced
with unicorn horns,
strongest substance on earth.
Inside the vault
are motion detector beams
made of pixie dust,
and on the other side of that, the gold.
Ha ha, this is where you come in kid.
Or, rather,
this is where you come in, dragon.
No sweat, Fu.
Hyah! Hyah! Hyah! I'm all over it.
Huh? Uh...
Ha.
All right, after me and the kid
nab the gold,
there's a dumbwaiter
that takes us up from the vault,
into the kitchen.
That's where we need you two.
No matter what goes down,
I need you guys to be in the kitchen
when Jake comes up with the gold.
You got it?
Come on, man,
all this planning and plotting.
Let me just lay
a little dragon pizazzle on 'em.
I'll go in, I'll go out.
That wizard won't know what hit him.
I'm afraid not, young one.
This one's a mental game,
remember, a cool head cools the body.
Hit the pedal, Gretel!
I'm not getting any younger!
(SPEAKING CHINESE)
FU: Uh... Uh...
I knew I should've worn my girdle!
I'm telling you, Gramps,
this sneaking around is a waste of time.
I could just bust in
and take 'em down, yo!
We must not draw attention to ourselves!
The walls have eyes.
FU: (VOICE MUFFLED)
Come on, hurry it up, will ya?
It's a little cramped in here!
That's more like it. Ouch.
JAKE: Hey! Whoa! Watch it.
And you are?
Hello, dude.
We're here for the gol... Ow!
Golden opportunity to let you hear us.
Peak game, player!
We the best lounge act you've never seen.
You lucky we even playin' in this dump!
You understand me?
Loud and clear.
I look forward to hearing more.
-Huh?
-(FU MUTTERING)
Uh, hold up, dude.
My bad, yo. We forgot.
Oh, your bad? Heh, it's my bad
I had that extra chili on that hotdog.
Mr. Pandarus is waiting.
Get onstage!
What? But we're not...
TRIXIE: Yo, hands off the 'fit, lady!
Let's do this, kid.
Uh, mic check, one, two, three.
Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, and a huh...
-(FEEDBACK SQUEALS)
-(GROANS)
Quiet!
I've tapped into the security eyes.
You're directly over the vault.
Have you located the trap door yet?
Where's the ladder?
Dragon wings, Jake.
Right, right, wings! I knew that.
Dragon up!
Dude, this isn't part of the plan.
We gotta get to the kitchen.
(BOTH LAUGHING NERVOUSLY)
Right, just follow my lead.
-(MUSIC PLAYS)
-MAN: Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome to the Pandarus Lounge
the smooth sounds of Trix-a-licious.
Whassup, New York?
Y'all out there like love songs
as much as we do?
Yeah!
You better hug your mothers,
'cause you're goin' down, mudbucket!
Mudbucket, buckets of mud!
Yeah!
(CRASHES)
(GRUNTS)
-(GRUNTS)
-And Conga.
(CONGA MUSIC PLAYING)
TRIXIE: Now, head for the kitchen!
Get me whoever's in charge
of booking musical acts.
Sow down there, kid.
This hotdog ain't so good
the second time around,
you know what I mean?
JAKE: Whoa!
-(BELCHES)
-Oh!
The vault!
Welcome, Mr. Pandarus.
Please provide handprint scan now.
Huh?
I don't understand.
This wasn't in any of the plans I got.
Hey, no problem.
I've been waiting
for some real action, anyway.
Yo, just stand back, Fu.
(GRUNTS) Oh!
Glad you got that out of your system.
Now, you heard Skeletonia.
Only Pandarus's handprint
will open that safe.
Wait a minute.
Magical fur. Works every time.
-SKELETON: Thank you, Mr. Pandarus.
-(CLICKS)
Hey, yo, Pandarus wants
two private chefs
-up in his penthouse right away.
-(GASPS)
Mmm. Piece of cake.
This is your moment.
Just like a chess game,
one move at a time.
You must use your tail
to slowly navigate each beam to...
Jake!
JAKE: Hey, sorry, Gramps.
-I just thought I'd try my way.
-Ahhh!
Real smooth like.
Ahhh!
Oh...
-(ALARM BLARING)
-Oops. My bad.
Ahhh!
If you didn't book them,
how did they get in here?
(ALARM BLARES)
Unleash the Kumo.
Oh! Pandarus is onto us!
Get out of there!
BOTH: Huh?
-(WATCH BEEPING)
-Dude, we did it!
Jake should be up here
in 30 seconds. And...
What are you two standing around for?
We need that stew!
Uh, stew?
Stew! What are you, new?
You know what to do.
Make some... Stew?
So true. I'll be back in two.
And I want that stew.
Yo, that was freaky.
Yo, Gramps, where is Jake?
We gotta roll.
They're trying to get us to cook.
Then cook already!
Just don't leave the kitchen.
Jake has been minorly detained.
Eh, leave it to
the old Wizard of Wall Street
to unleash the Kumo.
(HISSING)
Oh! Whoa! Hyah!
Hyah! Hyah! (GRUNTS)
Huh?
Now, that's what I call
armed and dangerous!
Hyah!
Ha ha! Can't do that, can you?
-Hyah!
-(HISSING)
That's right, come to Papa.
-Let's get outta here.
-Heard that.
Aw, that kumo don't quit!
(SCOFFS) Send in full security.
I'm not about to let a dragon
and his dog
steal my stolen leprechaun gold.
Needs a little salt.
FU: Forget the stew,
get us out of here!
GUARD: Hurry!
They're in the kitchen.
Pandarus!
(GRUNTS)
Well, well...
What do we have here?
Huh? Ew.
Do you honestly think
you can outwit the
Wizard of Wall Street?
-Take them away!
-(GROWLING)
-(BRAKES SCREECH)
-Get in!
(GRUNTS)
Seatbelts, everyone.
(TIRES SQUEAL)
It will be much harder
to get to Pandarus now,
but we must devise a new plan.
The leprechauns are counting on us.
Yo, times like this, the only thing
to make you feel better
is a little blues.
See what I'm sayin'?
How 'bout a little sax solo, Spud?
Well, I've never actually trained,
but... Whoa!
Checkmate. Just like
you taught me, Gramps.
JAKE: Always stay three steps ahead
of your opponent.
Wait a minute.
If we have the gold,
then Pandarus has the...
PANDARUS: Stew?
What the...
(SLURPS) Needs a little salt.
Oh... You're fired!
All of you... Fired!
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
♪ He's cool, he's hot like a frozen sun ♪
♪ He's young and fast
He's the chosen one ♪
♪ People, we're not braggin' ♪
♪ He's the American Dragon ♪
♪ He's gonna stop his enemies ♪
♪ With his dragon power ♪
♪ Dragon teeth, dragon tall
burnin' dragon fire ♪
♪ A real live wire ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
Dragon up!
♪ American Dragon ♪
Oh, oh, oh, whoa!
♪ He's the American Dragon ♪
♪ Break it down with the dragon ♪
♪ Skills are gettin' faster ♪
♪ With Grandpa, the master ♪
♪ His destiny, what's up, G? ♪
♪ It's showtime, baby, for the legacy ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ From the "J" to the "A" ♪
♪ To the "K" to the "E" ♪
♪ I'm the MacDaddy dragon
of the NYC ♪
Ya heard!
GRANDPA: Jake! Get back to work!
Aw, man.
(BELL RINGS)
Yo. This is some seriously messed up
homework assignment.
For real.
What's the point
in making us carry around
a stupid egg for the weekend?
Stupid? Dude, don't talk about
our baby like that.
This is gonna teach all of us
to become nurturing caregivers. Ha ha.
I think I'm gonna name him Smiley.
When he grows up,
I want him to be just like me.
Uh, Spud, I hate
to bust your bubble, baby,
But when he grows up,
he's gonna be an omelet.
Let me see him.
Delivery for Jake Long.
Sign here.
Jake, come to Grandpa's shop.
There is a critical dragon emergency.
I gotta jet, guys.
Do me a favor
and watch the egg for me
until I get back.
You're always working.
What about some quality time
with our child?
You're tearing this family apart!
Sorry, guys.
The American Dragon
has more important things to do
than guard an egg.
Egg? You want me to guard an egg?
Not just any egg. A griffin egg.
A grif... What?
A griffin is a magical creature
with the body of a lion
and the wings and head of an eagle.
It lays an egg only once
every thousand years.
So it's a pretty big deal.
And because griffin eggs are so rare,
there's a lot of undesirables
who'd love to get their hands on one.
Jake, it is imperative
that you guard the egg until it hatches.
No prob, G.
Yo. Where's this griffin at anyway?
Whoa!
That's long way down.
Hey, at least you got wings, kid.
(SQUAWKS)
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
No worries.
The Am-Drag's in the hiz-ouse!
Dragon up!
Ain't nobody even gonna think
about messing with your...
(SQUAWKS)
Egg?
The egg is ours.
Come on, kid.
We gotta go get that egg poacher.
Ha ha. Get it? Poached? Egg?
With the... Oh, forget it.
Don't worry about your egg.
I'm all over this.
Let's fly.
It's beautiful.
More importantly, it's valuable.
-One problem.
-What?
Argh!
It's not yours.
Argh!
Hyah!
(GRUNTS)
Wha!
-Hey!
-Got it. I got it.
-I don't got it.
-The egg!
Oh, so that's how they make
egg drop soup, huh?
(CHUCKLES) Get it? Egg? Drop?
All right. Start looking, kid.
We gotta get that egg back
to its mom before it hatches.
All right. All right.
All right. Let's see.
Ball... Ball...
Ball... Ball... Ball.
Ball...
Egg!
HUNTSGIRL: An egg? For me?
You shouldn't have,
but I'll take it anyway.
Hands over, dragon boy.
You know,
I like a girl who knows what she wants.
Too bad you're not getting it.
Dive!
Hyah!
Hyah! Hyah! Hyah!
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Ahhh!
BOTH: Whoa!
Excuse me, ma'am, but the ball bed
is only for children age six and under.
Can it, pipsqueak!
Whoa! Ow!
JAKE: Whoa!
FU: Hey!
I know you're in here, dragon.
(PANTING) We better hide here for a while.
(HUMMING LA MARSEILLAISE)
Monsieur, the food critic is here.
Non. C'est incroyable.
She just ordered the cheese omelet.
(FRENCH ACCENT)
Then I must make the finest
Omelette au fromage
in all of culinary history. Hmm.
I simply will... Oh!
I'm out of the egg. Sacré bleu!
An egg!
C'est un miracle!
Uh, adios, señor.
Uh! Whoa!
(CHEF SPEAKING FRENCH)
WOMAN: Ahhh!
Whoa!
Run!
Halt, you little... Oh!
Huh?
Come back immediately!
(PANTING)
(PANTING)
Sacré bleu!
Hey, you're not in an animal costume,
And you're costume reeks, man.
Don't you ever dry clean that thing?
Hey. I had a bath
just the other month.
Why, I ought to...
(PUNCHING)
Whoa! The egg!
(BOTH PANTING)
Whoa!
Uh! Whoo!
Well, here's the egg.
Wait. This is purple.
Hey...
There are eggs all over the place.
There it is!
(GRUNTS)
Lookee! Pretty!
Hey, uh, little girl,
would you mind giving me that egg?
-Please?
-No! My egg!
Mine! I finded it, doofus!
Yeah, but see, it's really,
really important that I...
(CRIES)
Hey!
(CRIES)
Mommy! Mommy!
The mean boy stolded my egg!
That punk stole my little girl's egg.
MAN: Let's get it back!
WOMAN: Let's get him.
Dragon up!
MAN 1: Where'd he go?
MAN 2:
Well, he was right here.
Whew. That was close.
I think that there...
Hey, look out!
Ahhh!
(BOTH GRUNTS)
What is this brown stuff?
(SNIFFS) Smells kinda funky.
It tastes like...
Peanut butter.
BOTH: Whoa!
Oh, man,
this sure is turning
into one egg-hausting day.
(LAUGHS)
Man, they just keep coming,
with the eggs and the thing...
Oh, forget it.
(SIGHS) At least the egg is safe.
Hey!
(LAUGHS EVILLY) Mine at last.
And now, dragon, I shall destroy you.
-(GRUNTS)
-Whoa!
Ahhh!
-The egg!
-After it!
Yo. Good luck finding that egg now.
HUNTSGIRL: Dragon!
-You will pay for this.
-(BOTH GRUNT)
-Uh-oh.
-Oh, this ain't gonna be pretty.
HUNTSMAN: Find the egg!
BOTH: Ahhh!
(BOTH GRUNT)
I am never eating peanut butter again.
JAKE: Oh, yes you are.
We're gonna have to unwrap
every one of these
and lick the peanut butter off.
It's the only way to find the egg.
Are you goofy, Jake?
There's millions of 'em.
Then we better get started.
-Egg number one.
-Oh, boy.
-(FU GROANS)
-Egg number 8,032.
Ugh. Peanut better again.
(GROANS)
Too much... Peanut butter.
(GROANS) 8,033.
Ugh! The griffin egg!
Ah. Hip... Hip...
(BELCHES) Hooray.
(GROANS) We better get back to the nest.
(GROANS)
To the Empire State Building!
Come on.
Come on. (GRUNTS)
How much, uh, longer?
-(GRUNTS)
-Hyah!
At last,
the griffin egg that will... Argh!
This time I got it.
This time I got it.
This time... I don't got it.
Do you think Smiley's
safe in my backpack?
Maybe we should invest
in a baby stroller.
Okay. Imagine your stamina...
No! The egg!
We're too late, kid.
It's sunnyside up.
The egg is scrambled, Master.
It's a poor thing.
Back to home sled.
Oh. It's my fault.
Oh. He never even
got a chance to get out of his shell.
The poor... Hey!
That's no magical griffin egg.
-It's Smiley.
-Smiley? What's that supposed to mean?
Well, for one it means
I'm gonna flunk Home Economics
this semester.
But more importantly,
we gotta find Spud and Trixie.
SPUD AND TRIXIE:
Yay! Whoo-hoo! Yeah!
TRIXIE: Yeah, baby.
Next! Ha ha!
SPUD: Toss Smiley over here.
I want to show him a trick.
Trixie! Spud!
No!
(GRUNTS)
(SIGHS IN RELIEF)
Oh, sure.
Now you want to take an interest
in our family.
Here it is. Safe and sound.
(SQUAWKS)
And just in time, kid.
Check out the egg.
You're about to witness
one of the miracles
of the magical world.
(SQUAWKS)
You know what, Fu?
Being the American Dragon
is a rough job,
but it's times like this
that make it all worth...
(GULPS AND BELCHES)
Hey... No... What the... Wha...
The griffin just ate the...
But... But I thought we...
Yo. That's gotta be
the most messed up thing
I've ever seen in my life.
Relax, kid. The griffin baby's fine.
It just has to live inside
the mother's digestive track
for a week or two after it hatches.
Then the mom throws it back up.
(BABY GRIFFIN SQUAWKS)
Ain't it beautiful?
I think I'm gonna hurl.
Well, time to make our eggs-it.
Mission egg-complished.
That's all, yolks.
(LAUGHS)
JAKE: Uh, Fu, about those egg puns,
never again, huh?
Sheesh. Sue a dog for having a little fun.
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
Ahhh!
(CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)
(LAUGHS)
Huh? (GASPS)
(GASPS) The gold!
Oh, what happened?
Oh, it's gone! It's gone! Oh!
Your move, Jake.
Okay. Uh...
Check this.
(SIGHS) Checkmate.
Huh?
TRIXIE: Hey, yo, Jake.
I hate to tear you away
from your big game,
but we gotta roll out.
Ready to go half pipe?
What do you say, Grandpa?
Can I go?
We've been playing this
boring game for three hours.
Sharpening the mind is never wasteful.
Life is a mental game, Jake.
You must always stay three steps
ahead of your opponent.
(IRISH ACCENT) There you are!
Oh, for the love of clover,
I've been looking all over for ya!
He's got our gold! All of it!
-Who?
-FU: Pandarus.
Eli Excelsior Pandarus.
Millionaire, jet-setting playboy...
(CROWD CHEERING)
Animal lover.
Otherwise know as the
"Wizard of Wall Street."
Do you mean, like, because he's made
millions at the stock market or...
No, I mean, like,
because he's a dark wizard.
Keep it up, kid, and lay off the sugar.
I cased this place this morning.
Pandarus Tower.
Ninety-seven floors.
Five million square feet,
and as of yesterday,
home to gross of stolen leprechaun gold.
Truth is, it's not four-leaf clovers
that give leprechauns luck.
It's this here gold, and without it,
the little green suckers
don't have a chance.
Wow. Are you hearing this?
I know, right?
I just can't get used to
the whole talking dog thing.
I mean, I see his mouth moving.
I hear the sounds coming out,
-but it just don't seem right.
-Ahem!
Look, kids,
I know you're new to this
whole magical world thing here,
but I'm here to tell you
it ain't all fairy wings
and forest nymphs.
Now, lucky for the leprechauns,
I got an elfin... Ahem...
Uh, lady friend on the inside
who slipped me the lowdown on the layout.
This here's the granddaddy of all vaults.
The vault is reinforced
with unicorn horns,
strongest substance on earth.
Inside the vault
are motion detector beams
made of pixie dust,
and on the other side of that, the gold.
Ha ha, this is where you come in kid.
Or, rather,
this is where you come in, dragon.
No sweat, Fu.
Hyah! Hyah! Hyah! I'm all over it.
Huh? Uh...
Ha.
All right, after me and the kid
nab the gold,
there's a dumbwaiter
that takes us up from the vault,
into the kitchen.
That's where we need you two.
No matter what goes down,
I need you guys to be in the kitchen
when Jake comes up with the gold.
You got it?
Come on, man,
all this planning and plotting.
Let me just lay
a little dragon pizazzle on 'em.
I'll go in, I'll go out.
That wizard won't know what hit him.
I'm afraid not, young one.
This one's a mental game,
remember, a cool head cools the body.
Hit the pedal, Gretel!
I'm not getting any younger!
(SPEAKING CHINESE)
FU: Uh... Uh...
I knew I should've worn my girdle!
I'm telling you, Gramps,
this sneaking around is a waste of time.
I could just bust in
and take 'em down, yo!
We must not draw attention to ourselves!
The walls have eyes.
FU: (VOICE MUFFLED)
Come on, hurry it up, will ya?
It's a little cramped in here!
That's more like it. Ouch.
JAKE: Hey! Whoa! Watch it.
And you are?
Hello, dude.
We're here for the gol... Ow!
Golden opportunity to let you hear us.
Peak game, player!
We the best lounge act you've never seen.
You lucky we even playin' in this dump!
You understand me?
Loud and clear.
I look forward to hearing more.
-Huh?
-(FU MUTTERING)
Uh, hold up, dude.
My bad, yo. We forgot.
Oh, your bad? Heh, it's my bad
I had that extra chili on that hotdog.
Mr. Pandarus is waiting.
Get onstage!
What? But we're not...
TRIXIE: Yo, hands off the 'fit, lady!
Let's do this, kid.
Uh, mic check, one, two, three.
Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, and a huh...
-(FEEDBACK SQUEALS)
-(GROANS)
Quiet!
I've tapped into the security eyes.
You're directly over the vault.
Have you located the trap door yet?
Where's the ladder?
Dragon wings, Jake.
Right, right, wings! I knew that.
Dragon up!
Dude, this isn't part of the plan.
We gotta get to the kitchen.
(BOTH LAUGHING NERVOUSLY)
Right, just follow my lead.
-(MUSIC PLAYS)
-MAN: Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome to the Pandarus Lounge
the smooth sounds of Trix-a-licious.
Whassup, New York?
Y'all out there like love songs
as much as we do?
Yeah!
You better hug your mothers,
'cause you're goin' down, mudbucket!
Mudbucket, buckets of mud!
Yeah!
(CRASHES)
(GRUNTS)
-(GRUNTS)
-And Conga.
(CONGA MUSIC PLAYING)
TRIXIE: Now, head for the kitchen!
Get me whoever's in charge
of booking musical acts.
Sow down there, kid.
This hotdog ain't so good
the second time around,
you know what I mean?
JAKE: Whoa!
-(BELCHES)
-Oh!
The vault!
Welcome, Mr. Pandarus.
Please provide handprint scan now.
Huh?
I don't understand.
This wasn't in any of the plans I got.
Hey, no problem.
I've been waiting
for some real action, anyway.
Yo, just stand back, Fu.
(GRUNTS) Oh!
Glad you got that out of your system.
Now, you heard Skeletonia.
Only Pandarus's handprint
will open that safe.
Wait a minute.
Magical fur. Works every time.
-SKELETON: Thank you, Mr. Pandarus.
-(CLICKS)
Hey, yo, Pandarus wants
two private chefs
-up in his penthouse right away.
-(GASPS)
Mmm. Piece of cake.
This is your moment.
Just like a chess game,
one move at a time.
You must use your tail
to slowly navigate each beam to...
Jake!
JAKE: Hey, sorry, Gramps.
-I just thought I'd try my way.
-Ahhh!
Real smooth like.
Ahhh!
Oh...
-(ALARM BLARING)
-Oops. My bad.
Ahhh!
If you didn't book them,
how did they get in here?
(ALARM BLARES)
Unleash the Kumo.
Oh! Pandarus is onto us!
Get out of there!
BOTH: Huh?
-(WATCH BEEPING)
-Dude, we did it!
Jake should be up here
in 30 seconds. And...
What are you two standing around for?
We need that stew!
Uh, stew?
Stew! What are you, new?
You know what to do.
Make some... Stew?
So true. I'll be back in two.
And I want that stew.
Yo, that was freaky.
Yo, Gramps, where is Jake?
We gotta roll.
They're trying to get us to cook.
Then cook already!
Just don't leave the kitchen.
Jake has been minorly detained.
Eh, leave it to
the old Wizard of Wall Street
to unleash the Kumo.
(HISSING)
Oh! Whoa! Hyah!
Hyah! Hyah! (GRUNTS)
Huh?
Now, that's what I call
armed and dangerous!
Hyah!
Ha ha! Can't do that, can you?
-Hyah!
-(HISSING)
That's right, come to Papa.
-Let's get outta here.
-Heard that.
Aw, that kumo don't quit!
(SCOFFS) Send in full security.
I'm not about to let a dragon
and his dog
steal my stolen leprechaun gold.
Needs a little salt.
FU: Forget the stew,
get us out of here!
GUARD: Hurry!
They're in the kitchen.
Pandarus!
(GRUNTS)
Well, well...
What do we have here?
Huh? Ew.
Do you honestly think
you can outwit the
Wizard of Wall Street?
-Take them away!
-(GROWLING)
-(BRAKES SCREECH)
-Get in!
(GRUNTS)
Seatbelts, everyone.
(TIRES SQUEAL)
It will be much harder
to get to Pandarus now,
but we must devise a new plan.
The leprechauns are counting on us.
Yo, times like this, the only thing
to make you feel better
is a little blues.
See what I'm sayin'?
How 'bout a little sax solo, Spud?
Well, I've never actually trained,
but... Whoa!
Checkmate. Just like
you taught me, Gramps.
JAKE: Always stay three steps ahead
of your opponent.
Wait a minute.
If we have the gold,
then Pandarus has the...
PANDARUS: Stew?
What the...
(SLURPS) Needs a little salt.
Oh... You're fired!
All of you... Fired!
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)