American Dragon: Jake Long (2005–2007): Season 1, Episode 1 - Old School Training - full transcript
Jake is the Magical Protector of the NYC. Torn between fun and duties.
This is your territory,
young dragon...
And you alone
are responsible
for the magical creatures
living within it.
From the centaur herds
of Highbridge Park...
To the floor of the secret
leprechaun stock exchange.
From the gargoyle nest
on top of the Empire State Building...
To the mermaids
of the East River.
Whoo-hoo!
Hey, kid, if you can make it here,
you'll make it anywhere.
(LAUGHING)
Ah, no problem.
I am totally on it.
But first,
you must master
your dragon training
one step at a time.
Even a young falcon
must stand
before it can fly.
Check this out, G.
Dragon up, yo!
Bow! I'm not only ready to fly,
I'm ready to soar!
Represent!
Whoo-hoo!
Yeah!
Bad dudes beware 'cause
the American Dragon is in the house!
Yeah!
Yeah...
Aah! Unh!
I'm cool.
No prob.
Unh!
C... C... Could you guys...
A little help
down here?
(SIGHS)
(THEME SONG PLAYING)
♪ He's cool, he's hot like a frozen sun ♪
♪ He's young and fast
He's the chosen one ♪
♪ People, we're not braggin' ♪
♪ He's the American Dragon ♪
♪ He's gonna stop his enemies
with his dragon power ♪
♪ Dragon teeth, dragon tail,
burnin' dragon fire ♪
♪ A real live wire ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
JAKE: Dragon up!
♪ American Dragon ♪
Oh, oh, oh, whoa!
♪ He's the American Dragon ♪
Break it down with the dragon.
♪ His skills are gettin' faster ♪
♪ With Grandpa, the master ♪
♪ His destiny, what's up, G? ♪
♪ It's showtime, baby, for the legacy ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ From the "J" to the "A"
to the "K" to the "E" ♪
♪ I'm the Mack Daddy dragon of the NYC ♪
Ya heard?
GRANDPA: Jake! Get back to work!
Aw, man.
(GONG DINGS)
We dragons are creatures
of immense magical power.
But to unlock
your potential,
you must keep training,
and master the fundamentals.
Dragon fire!
Dragon teeth!
Dragon tongue!
Dragon claws!
Dragon tail!
Ha! Right!
Yo, I'm all over it, Grandpa.
And a dragon student
must obey his dragon master,
without question
or hesitation.
Totally. I'm
all about obeying.
Whatever you say,
whenever you say it.
(SNIFFING)
Oh! Blecch!
Blue cheese with a touch
of sweat sock.
It's the Huntsman.
I'd know that foot stink anywhere.
The Huntsman?
You sure, Fu Dog?
What's he doing here?
Ahh, you tell us,
young one.
Huntsman's footprints
head north/south
on the night
of a full moon.
(WHINNYING)
(GASPS)
He's hunting unicorns!
Bada-bingo!
Give the kid a prize!
Ah, yes.
Unicorn horns.
Always a valuable commodity
on the magical black market.
What's going down?
Are we gonna crack open
a can of smack daddy
on this Huntsman here
or what?
Not we, you.
Me? As in alone?
Solo?
I will not be around
forever.
It's time you put
your dragon training to the test.
Right! Ha!
Put my mad skizz-ills
to the test.
I'm all over it.
FU: Hey, hey!
Make it good, kid.
I'm calling Ernie
and laying 50 biscuits on you.
Hey, Big Ernie!
Ho ho! It's Fu!
I need to make a bet.
Now!
Give him
dragon fire.
Taste my dragon breath,
dirtball.
(GRUNTS)
Incoming!
-Aah!
-Aah!
Sorry!
My bad, guys!
Whoa! Watch it!
Hot cheeks!
Hot cheeks!
Oh, oh, oh, oh!
Ahh...
Dragon.
Huh?
Oh, come on.
Dragon up.
Oh! Dragon up!
Oh! Now would be nice!
Say good-bye, dragon!
Whoa! Unh!
Ha ha! Is that all
you got, Huntsman?
'Cause I'm about to
come over there and...
Hyah!
How was that, Huntsmaster?
Very nice, Huntsgirl.
Your training has served you well.
Oh...
Hyah!
Come on, now,
what's a nice girl like you doing
hunting unicorns?
(BELCHES) Oh!
What's a nice
guy like you
doing outside
in his undies?
Huh? Oh!
Well, I...
You have
a golden opportunity
to slay
your first dragon.
Finish him!
With pleasure.
Aah!
This is not over,
dragon!
Ah, tough break, kid.
Almost as bad as
when you tangled
with those mountain
trolls last week.
Aah! Ow! Ooh! Ow!
(GIGGLING)
Or the week before that,
when you took on the giants?
Oh! Oh!
(LAUGHING)
Or the week before that,
when those field pixies
tossed you a beatin'.
Aah! Oh! Unh!
Young dragon,
you must learn
that smack daddy
does not come in a can.
Tomorrow,
we step up your training.
Be on rooftop
right after school.
Ahh, okay.
I'll be there, Grandpa.
...which brings us
to the topic of dragons.
Now, if you'll turn
to chapter 237
of my groundbreaking
yet unpublished 1984 thesis
entitled Mythobiology:
a Scientific Study
of the Magical Creatures
Among Us,
you'll see
that I describe dragons
as an evolutionary offshoot
of the dinosaurs.
Thus, what can we conclude
about the size
of a dragon's brain? Mr. Long!
Uh, well, um,
I would conclude
that dragons have
very large brains.
I mean, they'd probably be
pretty smart and cool.
Incorrect!
We can assume that a dragon's brain
is about...
About the size of a pea.
Maybe a walnut.
-But I thought...
-Not with the... Quiet.
Write that down, Mr. Long. It's certain
to be on your final examination.
Aw, man.
TRIXIE: Hey, yo, Mr. Rot...
-Professor!
-Yeah. Professor Rotwood.
This is mythology class
up in here, right?
So, how can you know
about the size
of a dragon's brain?
I mean, elves, unicorns?
That stuff isn't even
really real, yo.
Heh. Yo, yo.
Yes, well, you know,
this is certainly the prevailing belief
now, isn't it, you know?
However, some great minds
have devoted the bulk
of their careers
and indeed their lives
to proving otherwise!
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
well, you know, of course,
this... This kind of
academic courage, you know,
doesn't, you know, come
without a price, of course.
Not unlike being ridiculed
by one's colleagues!
Or being banished from every
respectable educational institution
in the world!
Or even being... Help me...
Or even being reduced
to teaching
in the public schools!
(STUDENT COUGHS)
(RING)
Oh, okey-dokey.
Class dismissed.
-TRIXIE: Hey, yo, Jake!
-SPUD: Dude.
What's crack-alatin',
baby?
Yo, what's up, Trixie?
Spud?
We cruisin' over
to Washington Park Right about now.
We gonna shred
some serious asphalt.
Last time we hit that place,
Spud got a concussion.
Ha ha! No way!
That was
totally a case
of subcutaneous
occipital trauma.
(GIGGLING)
No worries, bro.
Yeah, whatever.
So, what up?
You in or are you in?
Oh, I wish, Trixie,
but I gotta work at
my Grandpa's shop today.
Again? Aw, man.
That's, like, the...
1, 2, 4, 23... No...
Eleven-teenth time
this week, dude.
What up?
It's stressing me out.
Yeah, man, for real! Don't we have
some kind of child labor laws
in this city
or something?
Yo, maybe next time,
guys, aiight? Holla!
Yeah, aiight.
Holla at your girl.
Adiós, buddy.
Unh!
Oh, my bad.
I'm sorry about the...
-Hi.
-Hi yourself.
Hey! That's a really
cool dragon tattoo.
ROSE: Actually,
it's a birthmark.
(CLEARS THROAT)
I'll, uh,
see you around, okay?
Yes! Yes!
Most definitely! Yeah.
Oh, well, I mean,
you know,
if I have time
and you have time,
we can kill some time.
Whatever.
...and 3, 2, 1.
He's late!
Goo goo goo goo!
I'm here! I'm here!
I'm here! Whoa!
You are late,
young dragon.
Say what?
By, like, 3 seconds!
3 seconds or 3 hours,
late is late!
HUNTSMAN: Ahh, yes.
Do you know what would
look magnificent stuffed
and mounted on the wall
of the Huntslair?
Let me guess.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
I'm cool, I'm cool.
A pair of dragon skins?
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
(LAUGHS)
GRANDPA: Today, we will begin
old school dragon training.
Yo, bring it, G.
What are we starting with today,
extreme aerial maneuvers?
A little fireball action?
I'm ready to rock
over here.
Begin in bathroom.
Say what?
You must clean toilet
using circular motion,
first clockwise,
then counterclockwise.
Uh, if you say so.
Aah! Not with hand!
You must clean toilet
using only dragon tongue.
My tongue?
On that?
Ha ha! Nuh-uh, no way,
fuh-get about it.
Are you not
dragon student?
Did you not pledge
to obey dragon master?
I really don't remember
every single thing
that we'd agreed upon.
Totally! I am
all about obeying.
Whatever you say,
whenever you say it.
(GRUNTS)
Aw, man!
You cannot be serious!
Circular motion.
First clockwise, then counterclockwise.
JAKE: Ew! Aah!
This is nasty.
I'm gonna throw up!
Ew...
Hurry up! Grandpa has more
old school training waiting.
(INHALES AND BELCHES)
Ew!
(STATIC)
Aha!
(PIGEON SQUAWKING)
Oh! That's foul!
SPUD: Ha ha!
Aiight, Trixie!
TRIXIE:
Put it down, baby!
-Go, girl!
-That's what's up!
(TOILET FLUSHES)
Oh, Jake!
I think the toilet's gonna need
a little touch-up.
Ha ha ha!
You are done
with training for today.
Training?
You call this training?
I call it being
your house boy.
What's cleaning your toilet
and sweeping your floor
have to do with being
the American Dragon?
The seed does not question
where the wind takes it.
In other words, listen to the old man.
Come back tomorrow,
and get ready. Fu Dog's gonna need
a deep wrinkle massage.
Whoa.
JAKE:
I'm telling you, Mom,
Grandpa
has seriously lost it.
Yeah, uh-huh.
Haley!
You can chop
the vegetables now!
All right! Check out my Japanese
chopping-yake technique.
I mean, he's turned
dragon training into gag-me training.
Days like today make me
wish I could just be
a normal human
like Dad.
FATHER: Hey!
(SINGING) ♪ Who's that cow
With the halo on her head ♪
Haley,
lose the claws!
♪ And an udder made of gold ♪
♪ 'Cause she's all grain fed ♪
♪ Oh, the cow... ♪
And, uh, I use
the term "normal"
very loosely.
♪ Moo ♪
Hey, great news,
familia.
I just landed...
The Wholesome Heifer
account! Huh? Okay.
Wholesome Heifer
is the city's largest
organic milk producer.
The head honcho
and his wife
are coming over
for dinner tomorrow night
to seal the deal!
Congratulations, honey.
Mmwah!
Daddy, Daddy, Daddy! Look at the violin
concerto I composed at school today.
Oh, peanut,
that is so cute.
Uh, Mom, are we
ever gonna tell Dad
that he married into a family
of magical reptiles?
Well, of course, dear.
It's just that your
father's always been so, you know...
I think we need to wait
for the right moment.
A time when, uh...
Well, uh, a time when...
There's a spider on me!
Get it off! Get it off!
Oh. Oh, wait.
Oh, it's just a fuzzy. Ha! False alarm.
A time when we think
he can handle it.
Unh! Ecch!
All I can taste is toilet brush. Ecch!
Listen, Jake? I know this whole thing
has been hard on you.
First, you find out
you're a dragon...
That's cool.
It was the whole,
"By the way, you're responsible
"for protecting an entire magical
underworld" that's freaking me out.
Well, that's why it's
so important for you
to master
your dragon powers.
Believe me, I know
your grandfather can be
a bit eccentric,
but you just have
to trust him, okay?
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
♪ When I think of all
The times I fell in love ♪
♪ When I think of all the girls ♪
♪ I was dreaming of ♪
♪ When I think of all the years ♪
♪ That are to come ♪
♪ I love you better ♪
♪ When I... ♪
-Hey, yo, Jake!
-Huh?
Wake up, dawg!
Don't even tell me
you're still crushing
on that Rhodes girl.
She's so far out
of your league,
you don't even
know it.
Dude, she's like Tiger
burning the 18th at Pebble Beach,
and you're like
9-putting the windmill
at Coney Island
mini-golf.
Man, forget her.
We got serious business.
They just reopened
the 14th Street skate park!
BOTH: We gonna hit that!
Oh, sounds sweet, Trix,
but, you know, I gotta...
Dude! No!
Not working in the shop again!
That's, like, the...
1, 2, 4...
Wake up, Jake!
that old dude
is, like, stealing
your youth, man.
(INHALES)
I... I can't do it,
Trix. Sorry.
Aiight. But I'm telling you, Jake,
you're missing out here.
Sign here.
Hurry up
and get to training!
Must use dragon teeth
to scoop sludge
out of Grandpa's
rain gutter!
Oh...
Yo, Trixie, Spud!
Wait up, guys!
Uh, yeah. Jake is one hour
late for training.
I got a bad feeling
in the pit of my stomach.
Oh, you're telling me.
But that's what we get
for eating lunch
at a place called
the Chimichanga Chuckwagon.
Oh! Hold down
the fort, Pops,
'cause nature's
calling 911!
Aye-yi-yi-yi-yi...
Jake, where are you?
Something must be wrong.
How right you are.
Dragon, we meet again.
Ho!
It is always a pleasure to defeat you!
Hyah!
Whoa!
Unh!
What?
(GRUNTING)
Forget it, old man.
That net is pure sphinx hair.
Oh...
Well, one dragon down,
one to go.
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
Okay, Fu Dog,
just keep quiet.
They'll never know
you're in here.
HUNTSGIRL:
Who's in there? Open up!
I really gotta stop
talking to myself.
(RATTLING)
Here goes nothing.
(SPLASH)
Aah...
(HORN HONKS)
Yeah! Yeah!
This is only like
the best day ever!
Ha ha! Whoop!
Ah, this is
the worst day ever!
Lost in a sewer,
no cell service.
How come Lassie
always made
this getting help stuff
look so glamorous.
Who dares to enter the lair
of the one-eyed sewer troll?
Easy there, tiger.
I'm just...
Stanlifkowski?
Is that you?
Fu-ster? Hey!
You're a sight
for sore eye.
What's it been,
2-300 years?
What brings you
down here?
Serious trouble, Stan.
I gotta get to the East Village pronto.
Say no more.
I know a shortcut under the zoo.
Ah, more sewer.
Oh, Jake, there you are.
Hurry and wash up.
Dad's clients
are already here.
Uh, Haley,
a little help, honey?
Who's ready
for mushroom caps?
-(GRUNTS)
-Fu? Yo, dawg,
we do have
a doggie door.
Kid, where were you?
Fu, I don't even
want to hear it.
Grandpa must be buggin'
if he thinks he's gonna
make me clean
his whole house with...
You don't understand!
You left me and Gramps
waiting for you on the roof.
We were sitting ducks out there.
-When the Huntsman showed up...
-The Huntsman? Where's Grandpa now.
Look, long story short,
It ain't looking good for the old man.
This is all my fault.
We gotta go get help.
No! I've gotta do this.
Uh, look, no offense, kid, but we
don't got time for no dress rehearsal.
It's showtime! And you
haven't even mastered
going full dragon yet.
Watch me.
Dragon up!
♪ Drag-drag-drag-drag-dragon up ♪
Hey! I did it!
Check me out!
I'm the American Dragon!
-(GROWLS)
-Okay, let's fly, kid!
Uh, you can fly, can't you?
So, as you can see,
we're just your normal,
wholesome,
milk-drinking family. Whoopsie!
(JAKE AND FU SCREAMING)
(CRASH)
So, who'd like salad?
I'll ask you
one last time, old man.
Where is the American Dragon?
Right under your nose, dude!
I'm like a booger that way. Ha!
Wait. That didn't
come out right.
Allow me. I have
unfinished business with this dragon.
Hyah!
(GRUNTING)
-Hyah!
-Whoa!
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Stop it!
Yo, Big Ernie!
Yeah, it's Fu.
I want to lay down
some cookies on a bet.
-Hey, get off!
-Hey, what, are we strangers?
You know I'm good for it.
Hah!
Hah! Hyah!
Try my fastball!
No! Oh!
Enough!
American Dragon,
prepare to become
a pair of boots!
Young one!
Clean toilet bowl!
(THINKING) First clockwise,
then counterclockwise.
What?
How did he... Unh!
Hey! It worked! Ha ha!
Who the man now,
Huntsman?
Huh, Hunts-punk?
Yeah, you want some?
There's some more
where that came from.
-Hyah!
-Young one! Sweep floor!
-Aah!
-Ernie, Ernie! I changed my mind!
Put all my biscuits on the kid!
Yeah, that's right, the whole thing!
-Unh!
-Unh! Hey!
Check you out.
You're good, Huntsgirl.
-Hah!
-Unh!
Hyah! Unh!
Ooh, you're really good.
You're not so bad yourself,
dragon boy.
(GRUNTING)
Hey!
-Kid! Behind you!
-Huh?
Unh!
(GRUNTS)
(FARTS)
Aah!
Whah!
-We'll be back!
-And I'll be ready.
Uh, kid, you got
a little problem downstairs.
Aw, man!
I knew you could
do it, kid.
I didn't doubt you
for a second.
Okay, I did,
but that's
why you love me,
right? Come on.
Well done, young dragon.
But word to the wise,
it is not good idea to flirt
with mortal enemies.
Trust Grandpa.
He's been there.
Even a mortal enemy
that fine?
Come on, Gramps.
Many battles lie ahead.
We pick training up tomorrow,
right after school!
I'll be there, Grandpa,
right on time.
I'm sorry
I doubted you.
Come. It's late.
Fu Dog and I walk you home.
Ahh. Okay,
so I get the whole
cleaning the toilet
with the tongue thing now.
No problem.
Very useful stuff.
-Disgusting, but useful.
-Right.
And that whole
sweeping the floor with the tail thing?
I see how that's gonna
come in handy, too.
-Mm-hmm.
-But what about the part
where I did all your laundry?
I mean, you had me scrubbing
all your nasty socks and drawers.
Ecch! What's up with that?
What's up was Grandpa
needed his laundry done.
FU: And tomorrow,
you get to do mine. (LAUGHING)
JAKE: But... But I just...
Aw, man!
young dragon...
And you alone
are responsible
for the magical creatures
living within it.
From the centaur herds
of Highbridge Park...
To the floor of the secret
leprechaun stock exchange.
From the gargoyle nest
on top of the Empire State Building...
To the mermaids
of the East River.
Whoo-hoo!
Hey, kid, if you can make it here,
you'll make it anywhere.
(LAUGHING)
Ah, no problem.
I am totally on it.
But first,
you must master
your dragon training
one step at a time.
Even a young falcon
must stand
before it can fly.
Check this out, G.
Dragon up, yo!
Bow! I'm not only ready to fly,
I'm ready to soar!
Represent!
Whoo-hoo!
Yeah!
Bad dudes beware 'cause
the American Dragon is in the house!
Yeah!
Yeah...
Aah! Unh!
I'm cool.
No prob.
Unh!
C... C... Could you guys...
A little help
down here?
(SIGHS)
(THEME SONG PLAYING)
♪ He's cool, he's hot like a frozen sun ♪
♪ He's young and fast
He's the chosen one ♪
♪ People, we're not braggin' ♪
♪ He's the American Dragon ♪
♪ He's gonna stop his enemies
with his dragon power ♪
♪ Dragon teeth, dragon tail,
burnin' dragon fire ♪
♪ A real live wire ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
JAKE: Dragon up!
♪ American Dragon ♪
Oh, oh, oh, whoa!
♪ He's the American Dragon ♪
Break it down with the dragon.
♪ His skills are gettin' faster ♪
♪ With Grandpa, the master ♪
♪ His destiny, what's up, G? ♪
♪ It's showtime, baby, for the legacy ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ From the "J" to the "A"
to the "K" to the "E" ♪
♪ I'm the Mack Daddy dragon of the NYC ♪
Ya heard?
GRANDPA: Jake! Get back to work!
Aw, man.
(GONG DINGS)
We dragons are creatures
of immense magical power.
But to unlock
your potential,
you must keep training,
and master the fundamentals.
Dragon fire!
Dragon teeth!
Dragon tongue!
Dragon claws!
Dragon tail!
Ha! Right!
Yo, I'm all over it, Grandpa.
And a dragon student
must obey his dragon master,
without question
or hesitation.
Totally. I'm
all about obeying.
Whatever you say,
whenever you say it.
(SNIFFING)
Oh! Blecch!
Blue cheese with a touch
of sweat sock.
It's the Huntsman.
I'd know that foot stink anywhere.
The Huntsman?
You sure, Fu Dog?
What's he doing here?
Ahh, you tell us,
young one.
Huntsman's footprints
head north/south
on the night
of a full moon.
(WHINNYING)
(GASPS)
He's hunting unicorns!
Bada-bingo!
Give the kid a prize!
Ah, yes.
Unicorn horns.
Always a valuable commodity
on the magical black market.
What's going down?
Are we gonna crack open
a can of smack daddy
on this Huntsman here
or what?
Not we, you.
Me? As in alone?
Solo?
I will not be around
forever.
It's time you put
your dragon training to the test.
Right! Ha!
Put my mad skizz-ills
to the test.
I'm all over it.
FU: Hey, hey!
Make it good, kid.
I'm calling Ernie
and laying 50 biscuits on you.
Hey, Big Ernie!
Ho ho! It's Fu!
I need to make a bet.
Now!
Give him
dragon fire.
Taste my dragon breath,
dirtball.
(GRUNTS)
Incoming!
-Aah!
-Aah!
Sorry!
My bad, guys!
Whoa! Watch it!
Hot cheeks!
Hot cheeks!
Oh, oh, oh, oh!
Ahh...
Dragon.
Huh?
Oh, come on.
Dragon up.
Oh! Dragon up!
Oh! Now would be nice!
Say good-bye, dragon!
Whoa! Unh!
Ha ha! Is that all
you got, Huntsman?
'Cause I'm about to
come over there and...
Hyah!
How was that, Huntsmaster?
Very nice, Huntsgirl.
Your training has served you well.
Oh...
Hyah!
Come on, now,
what's a nice girl like you doing
hunting unicorns?
(BELCHES) Oh!
What's a nice
guy like you
doing outside
in his undies?
Huh? Oh!
Well, I...
You have
a golden opportunity
to slay
your first dragon.
Finish him!
With pleasure.
Aah!
This is not over,
dragon!
Ah, tough break, kid.
Almost as bad as
when you tangled
with those mountain
trolls last week.
Aah! Ow! Ooh! Ow!
(GIGGLING)
Or the week before that,
when you took on the giants?
Oh! Oh!
(LAUGHING)
Or the week before that,
when those field pixies
tossed you a beatin'.
Aah! Oh! Unh!
Young dragon,
you must learn
that smack daddy
does not come in a can.
Tomorrow,
we step up your training.
Be on rooftop
right after school.
Ahh, okay.
I'll be there, Grandpa.
...which brings us
to the topic of dragons.
Now, if you'll turn
to chapter 237
of my groundbreaking
yet unpublished 1984 thesis
entitled Mythobiology:
a Scientific Study
of the Magical Creatures
Among Us,
you'll see
that I describe dragons
as an evolutionary offshoot
of the dinosaurs.
Thus, what can we conclude
about the size
of a dragon's brain? Mr. Long!
Uh, well, um,
I would conclude
that dragons have
very large brains.
I mean, they'd probably be
pretty smart and cool.
Incorrect!
We can assume that a dragon's brain
is about...
About the size of a pea.
Maybe a walnut.
-But I thought...
-Not with the... Quiet.
Write that down, Mr. Long. It's certain
to be on your final examination.
Aw, man.
TRIXIE: Hey, yo, Mr. Rot...
-Professor!
-Yeah. Professor Rotwood.
This is mythology class
up in here, right?
So, how can you know
about the size
of a dragon's brain?
I mean, elves, unicorns?
That stuff isn't even
really real, yo.
Heh. Yo, yo.
Yes, well, you know,
this is certainly the prevailing belief
now, isn't it, you know?
However, some great minds
have devoted the bulk
of their careers
and indeed their lives
to proving otherwise!
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
well, you know, of course,
this... This kind of
academic courage, you know,
doesn't, you know, come
without a price, of course.
Not unlike being ridiculed
by one's colleagues!
Or being banished from every
respectable educational institution
in the world!
Or even being... Help me...
Or even being reduced
to teaching
in the public schools!
(STUDENT COUGHS)
(RING)
Oh, okey-dokey.
Class dismissed.
-TRIXIE: Hey, yo, Jake!
-SPUD: Dude.
What's crack-alatin',
baby?
Yo, what's up, Trixie?
Spud?
We cruisin' over
to Washington Park Right about now.
We gonna shred
some serious asphalt.
Last time we hit that place,
Spud got a concussion.
Ha ha! No way!
That was
totally a case
of subcutaneous
occipital trauma.
(GIGGLING)
No worries, bro.
Yeah, whatever.
So, what up?
You in or are you in?
Oh, I wish, Trixie,
but I gotta work at
my Grandpa's shop today.
Again? Aw, man.
That's, like, the...
1, 2, 4, 23... No...
Eleven-teenth time
this week, dude.
What up?
It's stressing me out.
Yeah, man, for real! Don't we have
some kind of child labor laws
in this city
or something?
Yo, maybe next time,
guys, aiight? Holla!
Yeah, aiight.
Holla at your girl.
Adiós, buddy.
Unh!
Oh, my bad.
I'm sorry about the...
-Hi.
-Hi yourself.
Hey! That's a really
cool dragon tattoo.
ROSE: Actually,
it's a birthmark.
(CLEARS THROAT)
I'll, uh,
see you around, okay?
Yes! Yes!
Most definitely! Yeah.
Oh, well, I mean,
you know,
if I have time
and you have time,
we can kill some time.
Whatever.
...and 3, 2, 1.
He's late!
Goo goo goo goo!
I'm here! I'm here!
I'm here! Whoa!
You are late,
young dragon.
Say what?
By, like, 3 seconds!
3 seconds or 3 hours,
late is late!
HUNTSMAN: Ahh, yes.
Do you know what would
look magnificent stuffed
and mounted on the wall
of the Huntslair?
Let me guess.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
I'm cool, I'm cool.
A pair of dragon skins?
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
(LAUGHS)
GRANDPA: Today, we will begin
old school dragon training.
Yo, bring it, G.
What are we starting with today,
extreme aerial maneuvers?
A little fireball action?
I'm ready to rock
over here.
Begin in bathroom.
Say what?
You must clean toilet
using circular motion,
first clockwise,
then counterclockwise.
Uh, if you say so.
Aah! Not with hand!
You must clean toilet
using only dragon tongue.
My tongue?
On that?
Ha ha! Nuh-uh, no way,
fuh-get about it.
Are you not
dragon student?
Did you not pledge
to obey dragon master?
I really don't remember
every single thing
that we'd agreed upon.
Totally! I am
all about obeying.
Whatever you say,
whenever you say it.
(GRUNTS)
Aw, man!
You cannot be serious!
Circular motion.
First clockwise, then counterclockwise.
JAKE: Ew! Aah!
This is nasty.
I'm gonna throw up!
Ew...
Hurry up! Grandpa has more
old school training waiting.
(INHALES AND BELCHES)
Ew!
(STATIC)
Aha!
(PIGEON SQUAWKING)
Oh! That's foul!
SPUD: Ha ha!
Aiight, Trixie!
TRIXIE:
Put it down, baby!
-Go, girl!
-That's what's up!
(TOILET FLUSHES)
Oh, Jake!
I think the toilet's gonna need
a little touch-up.
Ha ha ha!
You are done
with training for today.
Training?
You call this training?
I call it being
your house boy.
What's cleaning your toilet
and sweeping your floor
have to do with being
the American Dragon?
The seed does not question
where the wind takes it.
In other words, listen to the old man.
Come back tomorrow,
and get ready. Fu Dog's gonna need
a deep wrinkle massage.
Whoa.
JAKE:
I'm telling you, Mom,
Grandpa
has seriously lost it.
Yeah, uh-huh.
Haley!
You can chop
the vegetables now!
All right! Check out my Japanese
chopping-yake technique.
I mean, he's turned
dragon training into gag-me training.
Days like today make me
wish I could just be
a normal human
like Dad.
FATHER: Hey!
(SINGING) ♪ Who's that cow
With the halo on her head ♪
Haley,
lose the claws!
♪ And an udder made of gold ♪
♪ 'Cause she's all grain fed ♪
♪ Oh, the cow... ♪
And, uh, I use
the term "normal"
very loosely.
♪ Moo ♪
Hey, great news,
familia.
I just landed...
The Wholesome Heifer
account! Huh? Okay.
Wholesome Heifer
is the city's largest
organic milk producer.
The head honcho
and his wife
are coming over
for dinner tomorrow night
to seal the deal!
Congratulations, honey.
Mmwah!
Daddy, Daddy, Daddy! Look at the violin
concerto I composed at school today.
Oh, peanut,
that is so cute.
Uh, Mom, are we
ever gonna tell Dad
that he married into a family
of magical reptiles?
Well, of course, dear.
It's just that your
father's always been so, you know...
I think we need to wait
for the right moment.
A time when, uh...
Well, uh, a time when...
There's a spider on me!
Get it off! Get it off!
Oh. Oh, wait.
Oh, it's just a fuzzy. Ha! False alarm.
A time when we think
he can handle it.
Unh! Ecch!
All I can taste is toilet brush. Ecch!
Listen, Jake? I know this whole thing
has been hard on you.
First, you find out
you're a dragon...
That's cool.
It was the whole,
"By the way, you're responsible
"for protecting an entire magical
underworld" that's freaking me out.
Well, that's why it's
so important for you
to master
your dragon powers.
Believe me, I know
your grandfather can be
a bit eccentric,
but you just have
to trust him, okay?
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
♪ When I think of all
The times I fell in love ♪
♪ When I think of all the girls ♪
♪ I was dreaming of ♪
♪ When I think of all the years ♪
♪ That are to come ♪
♪ I love you better ♪
♪ When I... ♪
-Hey, yo, Jake!
-Huh?
Wake up, dawg!
Don't even tell me
you're still crushing
on that Rhodes girl.
She's so far out
of your league,
you don't even
know it.
Dude, she's like Tiger
burning the 18th at Pebble Beach,
and you're like
9-putting the windmill
at Coney Island
mini-golf.
Man, forget her.
We got serious business.
They just reopened
the 14th Street skate park!
BOTH: We gonna hit that!
Oh, sounds sweet, Trix,
but, you know, I gotta...
Dude! No!
Not working in the shop again!
That's, like, the...
1, 2, 4...
Wake up, Jake!
that old dude
is, like, stealing
your youth, man.
(INHALES)
I... I can't do it,
Trix. Sorry.
Aiight. But I'm telling you, Jake,
you're missing out here.
Sign here.
Hurry up
and get to training!
Must use dragon teeth
to scoop sludge
out of Grandpa's
rain gutter!
Oh...
Yo, Trixie, Spud!
Wait up, guys!
Uh, yeah. Jake is one hour
late for training.
I got a bad feeling
in the pit of my stomach.
Oh, you're telling me.
But that's what we get
for eating lunch
at a place called
the Chimichanga Chuckwagon.
Oh! Hold down
the fort, Pops,
'cause nature's
calling 911!
Aye-yi-yi-yi-yi...
Jake, where are you?
Something must be wrong.
How right you are.
Dragon, we meet again.
Ho!
It is always a pleasure to defeat you!
Hyah!
Whoa!
Unh!
What?
(GRUNTING)
Forget it, old man.
That net is pure sphinx hair.
Oh...
Well, one dragon down,
one to go.
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
Okay, Fu Dog,
just keep quiet.
They'll never know
you're in here.
HUNTSGIRL:
Who's in there? Open up!
I really gotta stop
talking to myself.
(RATTLING)
Here goes nothing.
(SPLASH)
Aah...
(HORN HONKS)
Yeah! Yeah!
This is only like
the best day ever!
Ha ha! Whoop!
Ah, this is
the worst day ever!
Lost in a sewer,
no cell service.
How come Lassie
always made
this getting help stuff
look so glamorous.
Who dares to enter the lair
of the one-eyed sewer troll?
Easy there, tiger.
I'm just...
Stanlifkowski?
Is that you?
Fu-ster? Hey!
You're a sight
for sore eye.
What's it been,
2-300 years?
What brings you
down here?
Serious trouble, Stan.
I gotta get to the East Village pronto.
Say no more.
I know a shortcut under the zoo.
Ah, more sewer.
Oh, Jake, there you are.
Hurry and wash up.
Dad's clients
are already here.
Uh, Haley,
a little help, honey?
Who's ready
for mushroom caps?
-(GRUNTS)
-Fu? Yo, dawg,
we do have
a doggie door.
Kid, where were you?
Fu, I don't even
want to hear it.
Grandpa must be buggin'
if he thinks he's gonna
make me clean
his whole house with...
You don't understand!
You left me and Gramps
waiting for you on the roof.
We were sitting ducks out there.
-When the Huntsman showed up...
-The Huntsman? Where's Grandpa now.
Look, long story short,
It ain't looking good for the old man.
This is all my fault.
We gotta go get help.
No! I've gotta do this.
Uh, look, no offense, kid, but we
don't got time for no dress rehearsal.
It's showtime! And you
haven't even mastered
going full dragon yet.
Watch me.
Dragon up!
♪ Drag-drag-drag-drag-dragon up ♪
Hey! I did it!
Check me out!
I'm the American Dragon!
-(GROWLS)
-Okay, let's fly, kid!
Uh, you can fly, can't you?
So, as you can see,
we're just your normal,
wholesome,
milk-drinking family. Whoopsie!
(JAKE AND FU SCREAMING)
(CRASH)
So, who'd like salad?
I'll ask you
one last time, old man.
Where is the American Dragon?
Right under your nose, dude!
I'm like a booger that way. Ha!
Wait. That didn't
come out right.
Allow me. I have
unfinished business with this dragon.
Hyah!
(GRUNTING)
-Hyah!
-Whoa!
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Stop it!
Yo, Big Ernie!
Yeah, it's Fu.
I want to lay down
some cookies on a bet.
-Hey, get off!
-Hey, what, are we strangers?
You know I'm good for it.
Hah!
Hah! Hyah!
Try my fastball!
No! Oh!
Enough!
American Dragon,
prepare to become
a pair of boots!
Young one!
Clean toilet bowl!
(THINKING) First clockwise,
then counterclockwise.
What?
How did he... Unh!
Hey! It worked! Ha ha!
Who the man now,
Huntsman?
Huh, Hunts-punk?
Yeah, you want some?
There's some more
where that came from.
-Hyah!
-Young one! Sweep floor!
-Aah!
-Ernie, Ernie! I changed my mind!
Put all my biscuits on the kid!
Yeah, that's right, the whole thing!
-Unh!
-Unh! Hey!
Check you out.
You're good, Huntsgirl.
-Hah!
-Unh!
Hyah! Unh!
Ooh, you're really good.
You're not so bad yourself,
dragon boy.
(GRUNTING)
Hey!
-Kid! Behind you!
-Huh?
Unh!
(GRUNTS)
(FARTS)
Aah!
Whah!
-We'll be back!
-And I'll be ready.
Uh, kid, you got
a little problem downstairs.
Aw, man!
I knew you could
do it, kid.
I didn't doubt you
for a second.
Okay, I did,
but that's
why you love me,
right? Come on.
Well done, young dragon.
But word to the wise,
it is not good idea to flirt
with mortal enemies.
Trust Grandpa.
He's been there.
Even a mortal enemy
that fine?
Come on, Gramps.
Many battles lie ahead.
We pick training up tomorrow,
right after school!
I'll be there, Grandpa,
right on time.
I'm sorry
I doubted you.
Come. It's late.
Fu Dog and I walk you home.
Ahh. Okay,
so I get the whole
cleaning the toilet
with the tongue thing now.
No problem.
Very useful stuff.
-Disgusting, but useful.
-Right.
And that whole
sweeping the floor with the tail thing?
I see how that's gonna
come in handy, too.
-Mm-hmm.
-But what about the part
where I did all your laundry?
I mean, you had me scrubbing
all your nasty socks and drawers.
Ecch! What's up with that?
What's up was Grandpa
needed his laundry done.
FU: And tomorrow,
you get to do mine. (LAUGHING)
JAKE: But... But I just...
Aw, man!