American Dad! (2005–…): Season 8, Episode 7 - National Treasure 4: Baby Franny: She's Doing Well - The Hole Story - full transcript
A Langley Falls talk show outs Francine as "Baby Franny," the toddler who was once rescued from a well by a heroic fireman. Then, on the anniversary of her rescue, she falls down the well ...
♪ Good morning, USA!
♪ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say
♪ Good...
♪ Good morning, USA
Aah!
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
What are you so happy about?
Just my life, I guess.
It's pretty perfect, like these muffins.
Try one.
Oh, never drop a muffin in a fish bowl!
Thanks
for that delicious summer salad,
Susan, you've got
lipstick on your teeth.
Next up, we're talking about
our favorite subject here
on Morning Glory: holes!
And today's hole comes
in the form of a well.
The well that Baby Franny
fell into 35 years ago.
And it turns out that that little girl
who fell into that hole
and our homes and our hearts
and our houses lives right here
in our very own Langley Falls.
Yeah.
Mom fell into a well?
Wait, your mom was a baby?
Oh!
Mom, mom, mom!
Come, come, come!
What's all the fu...ss?
Let's take a look back now, 35 years,
to that spellbinding day...
Ooh,
spellbinding, yeah.
Firefighter Henry Watkins has just
descended into the collapsed well.
Mom, I can't believe you didn't
tell us you were Baby Franny.
It was no big deal.
I am officially declaring this
the biggest deal in the world.
I feel like we all feel--
stuck in that well with her.
It's cold and dark and I'm confused.
Nancy, is it normal for a teenage girl
like myself to be so disoriented?
Hup!
Hold on, something is now being
pulled up from the well and...
Whoa, whoa, I want to see if you live.
Mom, how could you never
tell us about this?
You're a big deal.
No, I'm not a big deal!
I just fell down a hole,
no different from when you kids
fell out of my verjerj.
Look, I just want to forget it, okay?
Turn it back on.
We'd love to have Baby
Franny on our little show,
but she hasn't returned
our many phone calls.
What a bitch.
We're still on.
Of a show we've got coming up!
We got to get Mom on that show.
They want to celebrate her.
I don't know, she's still
upset about what happened.
But maybe people celebrating her
would help her get past it.
Like how the cheers of
his fans helped Kobe
get over that Denver incident.
Thanks for a fun night, Graham.
I know you're worried,
but there's really no way
your wife could know about us.
What'cha doing, fatso?
I had to take a duke and I didn't want
to wake Francine, so I came down here.
God, naked men look so stupid in shoes.
I do look pretty dumb.
Women look hot wearing only shoes.
Yeah, because they make
kick-ass female stripper shoes.
Meanwhile, no one's making...
Male stripper shoes.
My eyes! Not again!
Ow!
Ow!
So, Mom, this is the new waffle place
we've been telling you about.
This is a restaurant?
I thought this was the news studio.
What did you kids do?
Everyone wanted to see you.
You're a national treasure.
No, look, you don't understand.
And here
she is now--
Baby Franny!
Baby Franny!
Baby Franny!
Baby Franny!
Baby Franny!
Baby...
Shut up!
Thank you.
And thank you, Francine, for being here.
Francine, as you know, next week is the
35th anniversary of the "hole" thing.
And your hometown of Grundy is planning
a huge celebration to honor you.
They are?
Yes, but first, we all
remember that brave hero
Henry Watkins, who died--
aw-- while saving Baby Franny.
Somebody died to save Mom?
Well, Henry Watkins might have died,
but his wife and son didn't.
Daughter killed herself.
Let's give a big Morning
Glory hole-hearted welcome
to Margaret and Henry Jr.!
Oh, look at you, all grown up.
Henry would have loved
to see you like this,
with your great adult body.
He loved adult women with great bodies.
Aw...
Tell us, Henry Jr.,
what have you been doing
with yourself since the...
well, incident?
Well incident.
Well...
Well, there it is again.
Well... what?
Wel-- um...
I've been trying my hardest
to make my dead dad proud, you know.
I'm an astronaut and I'm helping
build a space station on the moon.
But enough about me.
I can't wait to hear
what Francine's done
with the gift my father gave her,
the gift of life.
Francine.
Tell us.
What... did...
you... do...
with... your...
gift... of... life?
Oh...
I want to tell everyone
all the great things
I've done with my life.
Um... um...
Um-um-um-um-um-um-um.
Bop-bop-bop-bop-bop.
Oh, my God, she's having
a nervous breakdown.
What my mom's trying to say
is that she'll tell everyone
what she's done with her life,
uh, next week at the big event.
Thank you!
When we come back,
local strongman Brian Lewis.
Aah!
My strength comes from above!
Do you know how guilty I feel,
knowing that firefighter died
so I could live?
And now next week
I'm supposed to tell everyone
what I did with that life?
I've done nothing with my life!
Kill yourself.
Do it.
Shut up, Klaus.
You've done stuff with your life.
You made me, Mommy.
Any dumbass can have dumbass kids.
Mama, no.
Come on, Mom, you raised a great family.
Says my brain surgeon daughter.
Come on, Jeff, she's got Chablis mouth.
Next week I'll have
to admit to the world
that I've done nothing
the past 35 years.
Well, there is still a week.
What could I do in a week?
You could... write a
Rob Schneider movie.
You could kill someone famous.
That worked for Courtney Love.
Or I could make male stripper shoes.
No one's done that yet.
Dumb idea. Don't do it.
Move on. Say something else.
He's right, it is a dumb idea.
Oh, this is useless.
We've been talking for almost a minute
and come up with zero good ideas.
At this rate, we'll have
zero good ideas every hour.
Hey...
that's actually good math.
How'd you get so good at math?
Oh, I've been tinkering
with this fun app
on my phone
called "calculator."
That's it!
Mom, in school we learned there's
seven unsolved math problems.
If you solve one you win
the Millennium Math Prize:
a million dollars and
worldwide recognition.
I don't know.
You actually think I could solve one?
Yes.
Okay.
I'm telling you, Stan,
Giuseppe's the guy
to make our male stripper shoes.
Eh, grazie!
Yay, Boboli!
Hmm...
Mm-hmm...
Look at this,
what a cool biplane.
Giuseppe, did you draw this?
Si, si...
Trace.
I-I trace.
What?
I traced it.
Hold on, this one's not bad.
Not bad at all.
What if we make the soles slanted
to get guys bowlegged,
really open up the "D" area?
Right, right.
Almost push the Bs out front.
Of course we'll need to raise
some money for the prototype.
You know, Toshi's father
is a venture capitalist.
I'll set up a meeting.
Perfect.
The Japanese love me.
You know, I was a huge TV star there.
So, after reviewing the
seven unsolved math problems,
I chose the Yang-Mills
Existence and Mass Gap.
I don't think I can do this.
Yes, you can.
Okay.
Six.
Uh, what's that?
Oh, that?
It's the answer to the
Mang-Yills Existence
and Mass Gap problem, nerds.
Uh, the answer won't be a number.
It'll be a new concept
in math altogether.
So...
You failed!
Matthew!
Matthew.
Matthew...
Matthew.
Matthew!
Ma...
Matthew.
M-Matthew!
Matth... Matthew!
Ma...
Matthew...
Matthew!
Math... you...
can... under... stand...
is... what... I... teach
in this class.
The event's tomorrow.
What am I going to do?
Falling into that well
was the only exceptional
thing I ever did.
Ain't never done
nothing good for nobody.
Yeah, but maybe you gonna do dem
good deeds on down da road for somebod'.
Are you Tara Reid?
The fact that male stripper
shoes don't already exist
is unbelievable to me.
Roger and I were just talking
about this on the way over.
What d I say, Roger,
on the way over--
w-w-w-what did
I say to you?
I-I don't know
what you're doing.
We didn't drive here together.
I came straight from physical therapy.
Well, these sketches are just fantastic.
You boys have really
got your act together.
How do we feel about $30,000?
Oh, but you only get
the money on one condition.
You invite me to all the parties!
And I'll need you to kill my wife.
This is an untraceable gun.
The business world is ruthless.
I need to know
you guys have what it takes.
Kill Hiko, and you'll get your money.
Is this like an undercover police setup?
Because if it is, I won't do it.
But if it isn't, I'll totally do it.
Repeat, will do.
We're live at the 35th
anniversary of Baby Franny's rescue.
Oh, and it appears that Baby
Franny herself has just arrived.
All right, its her!
Adult Baby Franny, 35 years
ago, fireman Henry Watkins
died so you could live.
What have you done with that life?
Well, I... um...
Hey, careful now!
If you fall down that
well, you won't be able
to answer all our questions!
Oh, no, my lifelong tripping problem!
Oh, no!
Whew! Dodged that bullet.
Everything's gonna be just fine.
Oh!
Henry? Is that you?
Hi.
Henry, I can't believe you're alive!
Baby Franny?
Your boobs got so crazy!
Oh, my God, this is so great!
You're alive!
Now I don't have to explain what I've
done with my life!
Help!
We're down here!
Wait, wait.
I don't want to go back up.
My whole life is down here.
As you can see,
I'm quite the ladies' man.
Henry, please, I need you
to come back up.
Keep pulling! Keep pulling!
Turns out I don't have to
explain what I did with my life
because no one died for me.
That's right, Henry Watkins is alive!
What is that?
It's okay, Henry.
Look, it's your family!
Oh, Margaret...
Henry!
Wait, come back!
He just needs some time to readjust!
No! I've become
a monster!
I'm going back in the well
where I belong.
No, no, no, no, no, no, you can't!
If you go back in that well,
it's like you did die for me.
I swear you can be normal again.
I'll help you.
Oh, Francine,
how can I ever thank you?
Not like that, Henry.
Not like that.
Right there.
Try to shoot her somewhere
between right here and right here.
And right here, that's the pot I want.
The four-quart
Le Crueset.
I'll have it forever
and use it for everything.
We can't kill her, Roger.
Not for male stripper shoes.
Well, can we kill her for the pot?!
'Cause it's like
a hundred-dollar pot!
Stan!
Okay, Henry.
The first step to a normal life
is getting you cleaned up.
Oh, that's a great choice, Henry.
You don't think it's too wild?
You're gonna look great.
Henry, no!
Ooh.
Klaus, have you met my gorgeous
friend Willem Dafoe?
I'm kidding, it's Henry!
Wow, really cool place.
And is this your beautiful family?
And who's this little
guy, little heartbreaker?
Um...
You must be exhausted.
Why don't we turn in?
And tomorrow we'll go job hunting.
Well, let's just hope that
they can't hear my thoughts.
You mad at me?
No...
Neither one of us
could pull the trigger.
What are we gonna do?
We have this great idea and...
Roger!
"Introducing the world's
first male stripper shoes"?
Hey, we invented those shoes!
No, you didn't. He did.
What the hell, Hideki?!
I told you the business world
was ruthless.
You son of a bitch!
It's okay, Big Bruce.
These are my unsavvy business friends.
Oh, come on, let me at least
buy you boys a dance.
Big Rodriguez, Throb Lowe,
a dance for me and my friends!
You idiot, you used the biplane
sketch for the prototype?!
He just traced that for fun!
Oh, really?
Gentlemen, you are clear
for take-it-off.
Oh, my God! He did it, Stan!
Brevo, Hideki! Brevo!
Oh, no, oh, no!
Henry, no!
Help!
What's going on?!
What do you think is going on?!
I told you I shouldn't be up here!
Henry, wait!
No, Henry, come back!
You can be normal again!
Oh, no, Henry, don't!
Don't go back!
I can't keep living
with the guilt of knowing
you gave up your life for me!
Gave up my life?
No, it was my choice to save you.
But I've done nothing great
with the life you've saved.
Why do you have to do something
great? You're happy.
That's all I ever wanted for you.
Boobs and happiness.
And you got 'em both in spades.
So don't be great, just be Francine.
Normal, crappy Francine.
I just wish there was some way
I could pay you back.
The only thing you can do for me
is to just keep being you, babe.
And maybe, like, every now and then,
drop a picture of them
creamy boobs down the well?
Really?
Yeah. Really.
Um... okay.
Thank you, Henry Watkins.
And Francine made good
on her promise,
dropping down a tasteful
photograph of her bodacious
cans, each and every week
for the rest of her life...
never knowing that Henry
had died instantly
after leaping head first
into that dry well.
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
♪ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say
♪ Good...
♪ Good morning, USA
Aah!
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
What are you so happy about?
Just my life, I guess.
It's pretty perfect, like these muffins.
Try one.
Oh, never drop a muffin in a fish bowl!
Thanks
for that delicious summer salad,
Susan, you've got
lipstick on your teeth.
Next up, we're talking about
our favorite subject here
on Morning Glory: holes!
And today's hole comes
in the form of a well.
The well that Baby Franny
fell into 35 years ago.
And it turns out that that little girl
who fell into that hole
and our homes and our hearts
and our houses lives right here
in our very own Langley Falls.
Yeah.
Mom fell into a well?
Wait, your mom was a baby?
Oh!
Mom, mom, mom!
Come, come, come!
What's all the fu...ss?
Let's take a look back now, 35 years,
to that spellbinding day...
Ooh,
spellbinding, yeah.
Firefighter Henry Watkins has just
descended into the collapsed well.
Mom, I can't believe you didn't
tell us you were Baby Franny.
It was no big deal.
I am officially declaring this
the biggest deal in the world.
I feel like we all feel--
stuck in that well with her.
It's cold and dark and I'm confused.
Nancy, is it normal for a teenage girl
like myself to be so disoriented?
Hup!
Hold on, something is now being
pulled up from the well and...
Whoa, whoa, I want to see if you live.
Mom, how could you never
tell us about this?
You're a big deal.
No, I'm not a big deal!
I just fell down a hole,
no different from when you kids
fell out of my verjerj.
Look, I just want to forget it, okay?
Turn it back on.
We'd love to have Baby
Franny on our little show,
but she hasn't returned
our many phone calls.
What a bitch.
We're still on.
Of a show we've got coming up!
We got to get Mom on that show.
They want to celebrate her.
I don't know, she's still
upset about what happened.
But maybe people celebrating her
would help her get past it.
Like how the cheers of
his fans helped Kobe
get over that Denver incident.
Thanks for a fun night, Graham.
I know you're worried,
but there's really no way
your wife could know about us.
What'cha doing, fatso?
I had to take a duke and I didn't want
to wake Francine, so I came down here.
God, naked men look so stupid in shoes.
I do look pretty dumb.
Women look hot wearing only shoes.
Yeah, because they make
kick-ass female stripper shoes.
Meanwhile, no one's making...
Male stripper shoes.
My eyes! Not again!
Ow!
Ow!
So, Mom, this is the new waffle place
we've been telling you about.
This is a restaurant?
I thought this was the news studio.
What did you kids do?
Everyone wanted to see you.
You're a national treasure.
No, look, you don't understand.
And here
she is now--
Baby Franny!
Baby Franny!
Baby Franny!
Baby Franny!
Baby Franny!
Baby...
Shut up!
Thank you.
And thank you, Francine, for being here.
Francine, as you know, next week is the
35th anniversary of the "hole" thing.
And your hometown of Grundy is planning
a huge celebration to honor you.
They are?
Yes, but first, we all
remember that brave hero
Henry Watkins, who died--
aw-- while saving Baby Franny.
Somebody died to save Mom?
Well, Henry Watkins might have died,
but his wife and son didn't.
Daughter killed herself.
Let's give a big Morning
Glory hole-hearted welcome
to Margaret and Henry Jr.!
Oh, look at you, all grown up.
Henry would have loved
to see you like this,
with your great adult body.
He loved adult women with great bodies.
Aw...
Tell us, Henry Jr.,
what have you been doing
with yourself since the...
well, incident?
Well incident.
Well...
Well, there it is again.
Well... what?
Wel-- um...
I've been trying my hardest
to make my dead dad proud, you know.
I'm an astronaut and I'm helping
build a space station on the moon.
But enough about me.
I can't wait to hear
what Francine's done
with the gift my father gave her,
the gift of life.
Francine.
Tell us.
What... did...
you... do...
with... your...
gift... of... life?
Oh...
I want to tell everyone
all the great things
I've done with my life.
Um... um...
Um-um-um-um-um-um-um.
Bop-bop-bop-bop-bop.
Oh, my God, she's having
a nervous breakdown.
What my mom's trying to say
is that she'll tell everyone
what she's done with her life,
uh, next week at the big event.
Thank you!
When we come back,
local strongman Brian Lewis.
Aah!
My strength comes from above!
Do you know how guilty I feel,
knowing that firefighter died
so I could live?
And now next week
I'm supposed to tell everyone
what I did with that life?
I've done nothing with my life!
Kill yourself.
Do it.
Shut up, Klaus.
You've done stuff with your life.
You made me, Mommy.
Any dumbass can have dumbass kids.
Mama, no.
Come on, Mom, you raised a great family.
Says my brain surgeon daughter.
Come on, Jeff, she's got Chablis mouth.
Next week I'll have
to admit to the world
that I've done nothing
the past 35 years.
Well, there is still a week.
What could I do in a week?
You could... write a
Rob Schneider movie.
You could kill someone famous.
That worked for Courtney Love.
Or I could make male stripper shoes.
No one's done that yet.
Dumb idea. Don't do it.
Move on. Say something else.
He's right, it is a dumb idea.
Oh, this is useless.
We've been talking for almost a minute
and come up with zero good ideas.
At this rate, we'll have
zero good ideas every hour.
Hey...
that's actually good math.
How'd you get so good at math?
Oh, I've been tinkering
with this fun app
on my phone
called "calculator."
That's it!
Mom, in school we learned there's
seven unsolved math problems.
If you solve one you win
the Millennium Math Prize:
a million dollars and
worldwide recognition.
I don't know.
You actually think I could solve one?
Yes.
Okay.
I'm telling you, Stan,
Giuseppe's the guy
to make our male stripper shoes.
Eh, grazie!
Yay, Boboli!
Hmm...
Mm-hmm...
Look at this,
what a cool biplane.
Giuseppe, did you draw this?
Si, si...
Trace.
I-I trace.
What?
I traced it.
Hold on, this one's not bad.
Not bad at all.
What if we make the soles slanted
to get guys bowlegged,
really open up the "D" area?
Right, right.
Almost push the Bs out front.
Of course we'll need to raise
some money for the prototype.
You know, Toshi's father
is a venture capitalist.
I'll set up a meeting.
Perfect.
The Japanese love me.
You know, I was a huge TV star there.
So, after reviewing the
seven unsolved math problems,
I chose the Yang-Mills
Existence and Mass Gap.
I don't think I can do this.
Yes, you can.
Okay.
Six.
Uh, what's that?
Oh, that?
It's the answer to the
Mang-Yills Existence
and Mass Gap problem, nerds.
Uh, the answer won't be a number.
It'll be a new concept
in math altogether.
So...
You failed!
Matthew!
Matthew.
Matthew...
Matthew.
Matthew!
Ma...
Matthew.
M-Matthew!
Matth... Matthew!
Ma...
Matthew...
Matthew!
Math... you...
can... under... stand...
is... what... I... teach
in this class.
The event's tomorrow.
What am I going to do?
Falling into that well
was the only exceptional
thing I ever did.
Ain't never done
nothing good for nobody.
Yeah, but maybe you gonna do dem
good deeds on down da road for somebod'.
Are you Tara Reid?
The fact that male stripper
shoes don't already exist
is unbelievable to me.
Roger and I were just talking
about this on the way over.
What d I say, Roger,
on the way over--
w-w-w-what did
I say to you?
I-I don't know
what you're doing.
We didn't drive here together.
I came straight from physical therapy.
Well, these sketches are just fantastic.
You boys have really
got your act together.
How do we feel about $30,000?
Oh, but you only get
the money on one condition.
You invite me to all the parties!
And I'll need you to kill my wife.
This is an untraceable gun.
The business world is ruthless.
I need to know
you guys have what it takes.
Kill Hiko, and you'll get your money.
Is this like an undercover police setup?
Because if it is, I won't do it.
But if it isn't, I'll totally do it.
Repeat, will do.
We're live at the 35th
anniversary of Baby Franny's rescue.
Oh, and it appears that Baby
Franny herself has just arrived.
All right, its her!
Adult Baby Franny, 35 years
ago, fireman Henry Watkins
died so you could live.
What have you done with that life?
Well, I... um...
Hey, careful now!
If you fall down that
well, you won't be able
to answer all our questions!
Oh, no, my lifelong tripping problem!
Oh, no!
Whew! Dodged that bullet.
Everything's gonna be just fine.
Oh!
Henry? Is that you?
Hi.
Henry, I can't believe you're alive!
Baby Franny?
Your boobs got so crazy!
Oh, my God, this is so great!
You're alive!
Now I don't have to explain what I've
done with my life!
Help!
We're down here!
Wait, wait.
I don't want to go back up.
My whole life is down here.
As you can see,
I'm quite the ladies' man.
Henry, please, I need you
to come back up.
Keep pulling! Keep pulling!
Turns out I don't have to
explain what I did with my life
because no one died for me.
That's right, Henry Watkins is alive!
What is that?
It's okay, Henry.
Look, it's your family!
Oh, Margaret...
Henry!
Wait, come back!
He just needs some time to readjust!
No! I've become
a monster!
I'm going back in the well
where I belong.
No, no, no, no, no, no, you can't!
If you go back in that well,
it's like you did die for me.
I swear you can be normal again.
I'll help you.
Oh, Francine,
how can I ever thank you?
Not like that, Henry.
Not like that.
Right there.
Try to shoot her somewhere
between right here and right here.
And right here, that's the pot I want.
The four-quart
Le Crueset.
I'll have it forever
and use it for everything.
We can't kill her, Roger.
Not for male stripper shoes.
Well, can we kill her for the pot?!
'Cause it's like
a hundred-dollar pot!
Stan!
Okay, Henry.
The first step to a normal life
is getting you cleaned up.
Oh, that's a great choice, Henry.
You don't think it's too wild?
You're gonna look great.
Henry, no!
Ooh.
Klaus, have you met my gorgeous
friend Willem Dafoe?
I'm kidding, it's Henry!
Wow, really cool place.
And is this your beautiful family?
And who's this little
guy, little heartbreaker?
Um...
You must be exhausted.
Why don't we turn in?
And tomorrow we'll go job hunting.
Well, let's just hope that
they can't hear my thoughts.
You mad at me?
No...
Neither one of us
could pull the trigger.
What are we gonna do?
We have this great idea and...
Roger!
"Introducing the world's
first male stripper shoes"?
Hey, we invented those shoes!
No, you didn't. He did.
What the hell, Hideki?!
I told you the business world
was ruthless.
You son of a bitch!
It's okay, Big Bruce.
These are my unsavvy business friends.
Oh, come on, let me at least
buy you boys a dance.
Big Rodriguez, Throb Lowe,
a dance for me and my friends!
You idiot, you used the biplane
sketch for the prototype?!
He just traced that for fun!
Oh, really?
Gentlemen, you are clear
for take-it-off.
Oh, my God! He did it, Stan!
Brevo, Hideki! Brevo!
Oh, no, oh, no!
Henry, no!
Help!
What's going on?!
What do you think is going on?!
I told you I shouldn't be up here!
Henry, wait!
No, Henry, come back!
You can be normal again!
Oh, no, Henry, don't!
Don't go back!
I can't keep living
with the guilt of knowing
you gave up your life for me!
Gave up my life?
No, it was my choice to save you.
But I've done nothing great
with the life you've saved.
Why do you have to do something
great? You're happy.
That's all I ever wanted for you.
Boobs and happiness.
And you got 'em both in spades.
So don't be great, just be Francine.
Normal, crappy Francine.
I just wish there was some way
I could pay you back.
The only thing you can do for me
is to just keep being you, babe.
And maybe, like, every now and then,
drop a picture of them
creamy boobs down the well?
Really?
Yeah. Really.
Um... okay.
Thank you, Henry Watkins.
And Francine made good
on her promise,
dropping down a tasteful
photograph of her bodacious
cans, each and every week
for the rest of her life...
never knowing that Henry
had died instantly
after leaping head first
into that dry well.
Sync & corrections by honeybunny