American Dad! (2005–…): Season 6, Episode 2 - Son of Stan - full transcript
Stan has a clone of Steve created so that he can have a competition with Francine to see who can raise him better. Meanwhile, Roger travels to Thailand to find Hayley and Jeff, and to get the reward money.
♪ Good morning, USA! ♪
♪ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
♪ Good... ♪
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
Aah!
American Dad 6x02
Son of Stan
Original Air Date on October 10, 2010
Previously on American Dad:
"Dear Mom and Dad,
"I realized I'm still in love
with Jeff Fischer,
which is why we've decided
to elope."
I'm offering $50,000
to anyone
who can stop the wedding.
Let's go get that
reward money, people!
ALL
Yeah!
All right!
KLAUS
Ouch!
After a few twists and turns,
Jeff and Hayley outsmarted Stan
and eloped anyways...
with Stan's 50 K.
Well, you're all up to speed,
so just sit back,
put down your GED paperwork
and enjoy the show, stupid.
We're here to honor those who
died in the tragic bus crash,
members of our community
we could never possibly forget,
like Bobby the Bullet, Koko,
Brett, and of course,
Clown with Glasses.
Clown with Glasses!
You lost someone, too?
My daughter.
Yeah, she ran off
and got married
and hasn't called us
in six weeks.
At least you know
where your loved one is.
Duper? I thought you died
in the bus crash.
I did, but it turns out
the CIA'S been working
on this new cloning thing,
and here I am!
You're a...
a clone?
Yup, exactly the same
in every way.
Except this guy was married
to some ugly bitch.
Maybe it's Hayley.
Hayley?
No, it's Roger.
Roger, can I
call you back?
You don't have to.
I'm right next to you.
You didn't see me
setting all this stuff up?
Now we're in
the same scene.
Thanks, Don.
I'm done with this.
Still broken up
about Hayley, huh?
Well, don't you worry.
I'm gonna find her.
And bring her
back to us?
No, I'm gonna find her
and steal that $50,000
she took from you.
And I promise you,
I'm gonna spend it all on myself
at Burt Longhorn's
Western Wear Depot.
Look at me. Stan?
Stan, look at me.
That's a promise.
Observation deck, please.
Honey, what are you
doing in here?
I thought we agreed
not to go in this room.
Oh, Stan, I just
miss Hayley so much.
Thought I'd come in and tidy up.
Throw away her expired condoms.
They're unlubed.
She's goodo go.
Just like her mother.
Ugh! We raised
a junior college dropout
who stole 50 grand from us
and eloped with a stoner hippie.
Face it, Slick.
We've failed as parents,
even by Appalachian standards.
Hi, I'm back
from school.
I'm gonna watch TV
and try to forget
about the wedgie
I suffered at lunch today.
Aah, my butt.
No TV. You've got
homework to do.
Oh, Stan, he's been
in class all day.
Let him relax and unwind.
You're too lenient,
Francine.
That's probably why
Hayley left us.
Excuse me!
Homework now!
If Hayley left because
of anybody, it was you.
You're too strict, and
you drove her away.
TV! Now!
Whatever. I got to get
a Popsicle on the old starfish.
Listen to me.
Children need structure
and discipline.
No. Kids needs space
to make their own mistakes
and learn from them.
Well, there's only one way
to settle this.
First one across the finish line
decides how we raise Steve.
Deal.
♪ ♪
I guess I was wrong
about you, Robby.
You do have what it takes
to be radical.
Thanks a lot, Trace.
Sorry we bullied you
when you moved here
from the big city
after your dad died.
You can ride
with us any time.
Well, finally,
it's our turn.
Does this mean I won,
or should I keep going?
I... cannot... continue.
Yes! We raise
Steve my way!
I'm from
the big city!
You're not really going after
the $50,000, are you?
You have no idea
where Hayley is.
Patience, fish.
To find a stoned loser,
I must become
a stoned loser.
Watch and learn.
Not sure this stuff is working.
I don't feel any...
Aah...!
Aah!
Roger?
What the hell are you
doing in Thailand?
Oh, my God! It worked!
Thailand, huh?
I'd like three
12-year-old boys, no MSG.
Stand up straight!
Wipe your glasses!
Tuck in your shirt!
Stan, you agreed
Steve would be raised my way!
You're not allowed
to be strict with him!
I'm not being
strict with Steve.
Steve's out there.
Wha...?
You won the race, so you can
raise Steve however you like.
This is a clone I
had made at the CIA
for me to raise
how I like.
I'm calling him
Steve-arino.
Hi, Mom.
Pretty great, huh?
I also cloned world-famous
comedian John Leguizamo.
'Zamo, do an
impression.
Okay, uh, this is my cousin
Keisha from the block.
Hey, I'm Keisha from the block.
I don't know, John.
I don't know anyone
like that.
Stan, how could you
clone Steve?!
I was in a pickle.
You won the right to
raise Steve your way.
But my way is
far superior.
So this was your solution?!
What was I supposed to do,
welch on a BMX race?
Get the BMX people involved?
The Counsel of 12?
I'm not going before them again!
Wow! I have
a clone?
We should buy
matching capes
and invent our own
creepy language.
And do jazz-tap
routines!
They're identical, right down
to their memories and emotions.
So from here on,
how they turn out
is totally based
on their upbringing.
Cabba lakti-mo?
Sheb wawa, sheb wawa!
Stan, this is insane!
No, it's perfect.
You can raise Steve your way,
and I'll raise Steve-arino
my way.
We'll see
which one turns out better,
and the other one
we'll just put down.
What?!
We'll, we'll
figure it out.
Boys, come
over here.
Steve-arino, I'll
be parenting you
exclusively
from now on.
There will be
a lot of rules,
homework
and exercise.
Aah!
But trust me, in time,
I'll mold you into a buff,
athletic model student.
Every boy will want to be you,
every girl will want
to be inside you.
That sounds great!
I'll just make a
slight adjustment
so we can tell
you boys apart.
What about me, Dad?
Steve, your mother
will be raising you,
which, unfortunately, means
that your life
will suck worse
than Nicolas Cage
in Ghost Rider.
All right, that's it!
If you think
you're so much better
at parenting than me,
we'll do your stupid plan.
May the best Steve win!
Wait. So I don't have to
follow any of Dad's rules?
That's right,
honey.
Yeah!
I'm gonna go have
a garden burger!
Maybe it'll turn me gay,
maybe it won't.
I guess
we'll just let fate decide.
Beer for the newlyweds.
Let's cut
to the chase.
I'm here to steal
your 50 grand.
What?
Hand it over,
or I will set in motion
the most brilliant, elegant plan
I've ever come up with.
No! It's our money, and
we're making it last.
Yeah, we're gonna use it
to start our new life,
selling both realistic
and unrealistic wolf masks.
Very well, then.
The plan it is.
Myeeeah!
Myeeeah!
This is your
elegant plan?
You think I'm gonna
give you the money
to get you to stop
making that noise?
Myeeeah!
Yes.
I'm Myeeeah.
Did you want
to try paragliding?
Ugh! I stayed up until 3:00
playing Night Manager,
the most realistic retail-themed
video game on the market.
Hmm. Sounds
productive.
We went hiking
at dawn this morning.
There we are--
egg whites and soy toast
for my little
achiever.
What do I get
for breakfast?
Anything you
want, honey.
Uh, okay.
How about chocolate chip
pancakes?
And... wine?
Chocolate chip
pancakes and chardonnay.
The Delta Burke
breakfast it is.
Put this on,
Steve-arino.
You start your first day
of military school in an hour.
Military school?!
You want those dividends,
don't you?
The muscles?
The brains?
Then you have
to trust me.
I trust you, Dad.
Attaboy.
I think I'll take up swearing.
And so
it begins.
♪ ♪
Welcome home, Father!
We won the big game
against Saint John's,
and I scored a touchdown!
That's great, son!
Isn't that
great, Francine?
Big deal!
Like you're so great
with your stupid trophy.
I have a trophy, too.
It's the Spanky Award.
That's right.
He got it for pulling
it 11 times in one day.
13 if you count
ghost loads.
Father, may I watch television
with Steve?
No can do, Son.
You got an A-minus
in Biology.
You get that grade up, I'll
let you watch a full hour
of Fox News or City Council
meetings on channel .
Great! I'll go
hit the books!
Face it, Francine.
My parenting
is superior.
In three months, I've
turned Steve-arino
into an exceptional
young man.
Meanwhile, you've turned
your Steve into...
Oh, look at that.
He's starting a
nose-mining company.
Steve will find his way.
Shut... up... Mom!
Get... me... chips!
Oh, knocking
off early.
You can do that when you
own your own business.
Myeeeah!
Myeeeah! Myeeeah!
I can't take
it anymore!
Get ahold of yourself!
I told you I have a plan.
Did you pack your stuff?
Good. Things should be
getting better right about...
Now!
Aah!
So long, sucker.
Are you crazy,
pushing me in the pool?!
I had 40 hits of Ecstasy
in my pocket!
Buckle up, kids.
They're going to have
to go to the hospital.
This boat is awesome, babe!
And we're the only
passengers aboard.
Myeeeah!
Oh, my God! Run!
ROGER
Myeeeah!
Myeeeah!
Myeeeah!
Steve-arino's
gonna be so excited.
It's time
for his first drug test.
Santa Maria!
What did you do
to Steve-arino's bedroom?
Me?!
I haven't been off this couch
in two weeks!
It's my bedroom, my bathroom
and my lover.
Well, where's
Steve-arino?
Took off this morning,
left a note.
"Father,
I can no longer tolerate
"your oppressive treatment.
"I'm leaving
and never coming back.
"All the best, Steve-arino.
"P.S., I will be dropping
the "arino" from my name,
as I am not a character
from Welcome Back, Kotter."
Ha! You drove
him off.
Just like you
drove Hayley off.
I'm the
better parent!
Oh, my God, it's true.
I've failed as a father.
You can still
be a good dad...
if you get me some
more nachos, fat ass.
And don't skimp
on the chili peppers!
I want my farts to hurt!
Weak.
Steve, get your
feet off the table.
- Mom says I don't have to.
- Well, I say...
Mom, Dad's trying
to get me to run away
like all your other kids!
Stan, leave him alone.
Steve, I got your lunch.
That is, if you want
to go to school today.
I'll put it
in your knapsack.
Don't touch that!
Good Lord!
He mutilates
innocent cats.
Yes! You raised
a monster!
Steve-arino
only ran away.
I'm the
better parent!
Steve, I don't know
what's going on,
but I'm here for you.
Steve-arino?!
Hi, Dad.
What...? Why are you
dressed as Steve?
It's simple really.
I hated all your rules
and wanted Steve's easy life.
So, I faked running away
and took his place.
Check this out.
Getting fancy!
Great, Stan.
You turned your Steve
into a cat-killing psychopath.
And I have no idea
where my Steve...
Will you stop doing that?!
What did you
do with Steve?!
I got him locked away.
I was keeping him alive
in case I ever needed
some spare body parts,
but now that the cat's out
of the bag...
...I'm gonna kill him.
You little...
Damn his athleticism!
I swear, every time I help
someone strengthen their core,
it comes back
to haunt me.
We have to follow him
to Steve.
How? He's going
through the woods.
We can't keep up
with him on foot.
♪ ♪
He's heading
to Dangerous Jump Pass.
Stan!
Aah.
Radical!
He's headed for the old
magazine factory.
What-what if
he finds us?
We've taken six flights
since we ditched the boat.
Okay, there's no way.
Myeeeah?
Don't you start.
No. Myeeeah.
It's Myeeeah.
Activities Director
from Golden Mango Resort.
Myeeah!
No!
Myeeeah!
Myeeeah!
All right!
All right!
Take the money!
Just, God,
stop making that sound!
Yes!
I told you I'd get the money.
Wait, wait.
Where'd it all go?
We spent it trying to get
away from you, you dumbass!
Oh.
Looks like my work is done here.
On to the next grand adventure.
Change the backdrop, Don.
India! The birthplace
of diarrhea.
Steve!
Welcome
to my little refuge.
Steve-arino!
I'm tired of you bossing me
around, Dad.
All the running, all the...
all the studying,
all the planning
for your Christian camp.
I know you want
to break ground in 2012,
but it's not going to happen!
We can't get the permits!
Steve-arino, you let Steve go
and stop this at once!
Stan, being strict
is what made him this
way in the first place.
Look, Steve-arino...
I know
I've been too hard on you.
From here on out, I promise
to let you do whatever you want,
whenever you want.
Really?
Really. You name it.
I want to kill Steve.
Okay.
Stan!
Right, right, right.
What a waste.
Those were brand-
new sneakers.
Ho, hey, whoa, hey,
they'll fit Steve.
Steve!
About time!
It's 4:00!
Where are my
4:00 nachos?!
I got this one.
Steven Smith,
I am your mother!
If you don't get
out of that cage,
I will push you back up my
clownhole and birth you again
and name you my bitch.
Now get out
of that cage!
I guess Steve needs both
of our parenting styles
to balance him out.
You're right.
And you know what?
We got to stop
beating ourselves up
over Hayley running off
with Jeff.
Yeah!
Miss me?
No!
Now, to finish what I started.
Steve, hit the deck!
Come on, Steve.
Let's go get
you those nachos.
You can eat them
after you do your homework.
I'll see you in hell.
♪ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
♪ Good... ♪
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
Aah!
American Dad 6x02
Son of Stan
Original Air Date on October 10, 2010
Previously on American Dad:
"Dear Mom and Dad,
"I realized I'm still in love
with Jeff Fischer,
which is why we've decided
to elope."
I'm offering $50,000
to anyone
who can stop the wedding.
Let's go get that
reward money, people!
ALL
Yeah!
All right!
KLAUS
Ouch!
After a few twists and turns,
Jeff and Hayley outsmarted Stan
and eloped anyways...
with Stan's 50 K.
Well, you're all up to speed,
so just sit back,
put down your GED paperwork
and enjoy the show, stupid.
We're here to honor those who
died in the tragic bus crash,
members of our community
we could never possibly forget,
like Bobby the Bullet, Koko,
Brett, and of course,
Clown with Glasses.
Clown with Glasses!
You lost someone, too?
My daughter.
Yeah, she ran off
and got married
and hasn't called us
in six weeks.
At least you know
where your loved one is.
Duper? I thought you died
in the bus crash.
I did, but it turns out
the CIA'S been working
on this new cloning thing,
and here I am!
You're a...
a clone?
Yup, exactly the same
in every way.
Except this guy was married
to some ugly bitch.
Maybe it's Hayley.
Hayley?
No, it's Roger.
Roger, can I
call you back?
You don't have to.
I'm right next to you.
You didn't see me
setting all this stuff up?
Now we're in
the same scene.
Thanks, Don.
I'm done with this.
Still broken up
about Hayley, huh?
Well, don't you worry.
I'm gonna find her.
And bring her
back to us?
No, I'm gonna find her
and steal that $50,000
she took from you.
And I promise you,
I'm gonna spend it all on myself
at Burt Longhorn's
Western Wear Depot.
Look at me. Stan?
Stan, look at me.
That's a promise.
Observation deck, please.
Honey, what are you
doing in here?
I thought we agreed
not to go in this room.
Oh, Stan, I just
miss Hayley so much.
Thought I'd come in and tidy up.
Throw away her expired condoms.
They're unlubed.
She's goodo go.
Just like her mother.
Ugh! We raised
a junior college dropout
who stole 50 grand from us
and eloped with a stoner hippie.
Face it, Slick.
We've failed as parents,
even by Appalachian standards.
Hi, I'm back
from school.
I'm gonna watch TV
and try to forget
about the wedgie
I suffered at lunch today.
Aah, my butt.
No TV. You've got
homework to do.
Oh, Stan, he's been
in class all day.
Let him relax and unwind.
You're too lenient,
Francine.
That's probably why
Hayley left us.
Excuse me!
Homework now!
If Hayley left because
of anybody, it was you.
You're too strict, and
you drove her away.
TV! Now!
Whatever. I got to get
a Popsicle on the old starfish.
Listen to me.
Children need structure
and discipline.
No. Kids needs space
to make their own mistakes
and learn from them.
Well, there's only one way
to settle this.
First one across the finish line
decides how we raise Steve.
Deal.
♪ ♪
I guess I was wrong
about you, Robby.
You do have what it takes
to be radical.
Thanks a lot, Trace.
Sorry we bullied you
when you moved here
from the big city
after your dad died.
You can ride
with us any time.
Well, finally,
it's our turn.
Does this mean I won,
or should I keep going?
I... cannot... continue.
Yes! We raise
Steve my way!
I'm from
the big city!
You're not really going after
the $50,000, are you?
You have no idea
where Hayley is.
Patience, fish.
To find a stoned loser,
I must become
a stoned loser.
Watch and learn.
Not sure this stuff is working.
I don't feel any...
Aah...!
Aah!
Roger?
What the hell are you
doing in Thailand?
Oh, my God! It worked!
Thailand, huh?
I'd like three
12-year-old boys, no MSG.
Stand up straight!
Wipe your glasses!
Tuck in your shirt!
Stan, you agreed
Steve would be raised my way!
You're not allowed
to be strict with him!
I'm not being
strict with Steve.
Steve's out there.
Wha...?
You won the race, so you can
raise Steve however you like.
This is a clone I
had made at the CIA
for me to raise
how I like.
I'm calling him
Steve-arino.
Hi, Mom.
Pretty great, huh?
I also cloned world-famous
comedian John Leguizamo.
'Zamo, do an
impression.
Okay, uh, this is my cousin
Keisha from the block.
Hey, I'm Keisha from the block.
I don't know, John.
I don't know anyone
like that.
Stan, how could you
clone Steve?!
I was in a pickle.
You won the right to
raise Steve your way.
But my way is
far superior.
So this was your solution?!
What was I supposed to do,
welch on a BMX race?
Get the BMX people involved?
The Counsel of 12?
I'm not going before them again!
Wow! I have
a clone?
We should buy
matching capes
and invent our own
creepy language.
And do jazz-tap
routines!
They're identical, right down
to their memories and emotions.
So from here on,
how they turn out
is totally based
on their upbringing.
Cabba lakti-mo?
Sheb wawa, sheb wawa!
Stan, this is insane!
No, it's perfect.
You can raise Steve your way,
and I'll raise Steve-arino
my way.
We'll see
which one turns out better,
and the other one
we'll just put down.
What?!
We'll, we'll
figure it out.
Boys, come
over here.
Steve-arino, I'll
be parenting you
exclusively
from now on.
There will be
a lot of rules,
homework
and exercise.
Aah!
But trust me, in time,
I'll mold you into a buff,
athletic model student.
Every boy will want to be you,
every girl will want
to be inside you.
That sounds great!
I'll just make a
slight adjustment
so we can tell
you boys apart.
What about me, Dad?
Steve, your mother
will be raising you,
which, unfortunately, means
that your life
will suck worse
than Nicolas Cage
in Ghost Rider.
All right, that's it!
If you think
you're so much better
at parenting than me,
we'll do your stupid plan.
May the best Steve win!
Wait. So I don't have to
follow any of Dad's rules?
That's right,
honey.
Yeah!
I'm gonna go have
a garden burger!
Maybe it'll turn me gay,
maybe it won't.
I guess
we'll just let fate decide.
Beer for the newlyweds.
Let's cut
to the chase.
I'm here to steal
your 50 grand.
What?
Hand it over,
or I will set in motion
the most brilliant, elegant plan
I've ever come up with.
No! It's our money, and
we're making it last.
Yeah, we're gonna use it
to start our new life,
selling both realistic
and unrealistic wolf masks.
Very well, then.
The plan it is.
Myeeeah!
Myeeeah!
This is your
elegant plan?
You think I'm gonna
give you the money
to get you to stop
making that noise?
Myeeeah!
Yes.
I'm Myeeeah.
Did you want
to try paragliding?
Ugh! I stayed up until 3:00
playing Night Manager,
the most realistic retail-themed
video game on the market.
Hmm. Sounds
productive.
We went hiking
at dawn this morning.
There we are--
egg whites and soy toast
for my little
achiever.
What do I get
for breakfast?
Anything you
want, honey.
Uh, okay.
How about chocolate chip
pancakes?
And... wine?
Chocolate chip
pancakes and chardonnay.
The Delta Burke
breakfast it is.
Put this on,
Steve-arino.
You start your first day
of military school in an hour.
Military school?!
You want those dividends,
don't you?
The muscles?
The brains?
Then you have
to trust me.
I trust you, Dad.
Attaboy.
I think I'll take up swearing.
And so
it begins.
♪ ♪
Welcome home, Father!
We won the big game
against Saint John's,
and I scored a touchdown!
That's great, son!
Isn't that
great, Francine?
Big deal!
Like you're so great
with your stupid trophy.
I have a trophy, too.
It's the Spanky Award.
That's right.
He got it for pulling
it 11 times in one day.
13 if you count
ghost loads.
Father, may I watch television
with Steve?
No can do, Son.
You got an A-minus
in Biology.
You get that grade up, I'll
let you watch a full hour
of Fox News or City Council
meetings on channel .
Great! I'll go
hit the books!
Face it, Francine.
My parenting
is superior.
In three months, I've
turned Steve-arino
into an exceptional
young man.
Meanwhile, you've turned
your Steve into...
Oh, look at that.
He's starting a
nose-mining company.
Steve will find his way.
Shut... up... Mom!
Get... me... chips!
Oh, knocking
off early.
You can do that when you
own your own business.
Myeeeah!
Myeeeah! Myeeeah!
I can't take
it anymore!
Get ahold of yourself!
I told you I have a plan.
Did you pack your stuff?
Good. Things should be
getting better right about...
Now!
Aah!
So long, sucker.
Are you crazy,
pushing me in the pool?!
I had 40 hits of Ecstasy
in my pocket!
Buckle up, kids.
They're going to have
to go to the hospital.
This boat is awesome, babe!
And we're the only
passengers aboard.
Myeeeah!
Oh, my God! Run!
ROGER
Myeeeah!
Myeeeah!
Myeeeah!
Steve-arino's
gonna be so excited.
It's time
for his first drug test.
Santa Maria!
What did you do
to Steve-arino's bedroom?
Me?!
I haven't been off this couch
in two weeks!
It's my bedroom, my bathroom
and my lover.
Well, where's
Steve-arino?
Took off this morning,
left a note.
"Father,
I can no longer tolerate
"your oppressive treatment.
"I'm leaving
and never coming back.
"All the best, Steve-arino.
"P.S., I will be dropping
the "arino" from my name,
as I am not a character
from Welcome Back, Kotter."
Ha! You drove
him off.
Just like you
drove Hayley off.
I'm the
better parent!
Oh, my God, it's true.
I've failed as a father.
You can still
be a good dad...
if you get me some
more nachos, fat ass.
And don't skimp
on the chili peppers!
I want my farts to hurt!
Weak.
Steve, get your
feet off the table.
- Mom says I don't have to.
- Well, I say...
Mom, Dad's trying
to get me to run away
like all your other kids!
Stan, leave him alone.
Steve, I got your lunch.
That is, if you want
to go to school today.
I'll put it
in your knapsack.
Don't touch that!
Good Lord!
He mutilates
innocent cats.
Yes! You raised
a monster!
Steve-arino
only ran away.
I'm the
better parent!
Steve, I don't know
what's going on,
but I'm here for you.
Steve-arino?!
Hi, Dad.
What...? Why are you
dressed as Steve?
It's simple really.
I hated all your rules
and wanted Steve's easy life.
So, I faked running away
and took his place.
Check this out.
Getting fancy!
Great, Stan.
You turned your Steve
into a cat-killing psychopath.
And I have no idea
where my Steve...
Will you stop doing that?!
What did you
do with Steve?!
I got him locked away.
I was keeping him alive
in case I ever needed
some spare body parts,
but now that the cat's out
of the bag...
...I'm gonna kill him.
You little...
Damn his athleticism!
I swear, every time I help
someone strengthen their core,
it comes back
to haunt me.
We have to follow him
to Steve.
How? He's going
through the woods.
We can't keep up
with him on foot.
♪ ♪
He's heading
to Dangerous Jump Pass.
Stan!
Aah.
Radical!
He's headed for the old
magazine factory.
What-what if
he finds us?
We've taken six flights
since we ditched the boat.
Okay, there's no way.
Myeeeah?
Don't you start.
No. Myeeeah.
It's Myeeeah.
Activities Director
from Golden Mango Resort.
Myeeah!
No!
Myeeeah!
Myeeeah!
All right!
All right!
Take the money!
Just, God,
stop making that sound!
Yes!
I told you I'd get the money.
Wait, wait.
Where'd it all go?
We spent it trying to get
away from you, you dumbass!
Oh.
Looks like my work is done here.
On to the next grand adventure.
Change the backdrop, Don.
India! The birthplace
of diarrhea.
Steve!
Welcome
to my little refuge.
Steve-arino!
I'm tired of you bossing me
around, Dad.
All the running, all the...
all the studying,
all the planning
for your Christian camp.
I know you want
to break ground in 2012,
but it's not going to happen!
We can't get the permits!
Steve-arino, you let Steve go
and stop this at once!
Stan, being strict
is what made him this
way in the first place.
Look, Steve-arino...
I know
I've been too hard on you.
From here on out, I promise
to let you do whatever you want,
whenever you want.
Really?
Really. You name it.
I want to kill Steve.
Okay.
Stan!
Right, right, right.
What a waste.
Those were brand-
new sneakers.
Ho, hey, whoa, hey,
they'll fit Steve.
Steve!
About time!
It's 4:00!
Where are my
4:00 nachos?!
I got this one.
Steven Smith,
I am your mother!
If you don't get
out of that cage,
I will push you back up my
clownhole and birth you again
and name you my bitch.
Now get out
of that cage!
I guess Steve needs both
of our parenting styles
to balance him out.
You're right.
And you know what?
We got to stop
beating ourselves up
over Hayley running off
with Jeff.
Yeah!
Miss me?
No!
Now, to finish what I started.
Steve, hit the deck!
Come on, Steve.
Let's go get
you those nachos.
You can eat them
after you do your homework.
I'll see you in hell.