American Dad! (2005–…): Season 6, Episode 10 - Stanny Boy and Frantastic - full transcript
Stan and Francine make friends with a younger couple, but they can't keep up with their very active lifestyle. Meanwhile, Steve and Roger try to get a product refund over the telephone.
♪ Good morning, USA! ♪
♪ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
♪ Good... ♪
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
Aah!
♪ American Dad 6x10 ♪
Stanny Boy and Frantastic
Original Air Date on January 23, 2011
Hey, did I ever
tell you the story
of the time I got my head
stuck in the banister?
196 times.
In fact, why don't
I tell it to you?
You were eight
and you got your head stuck
in the staircase banister.
So your mother buttered
your ears and slid you out.
And that's why, to this day,
you always carry a stick
of butter in your purse.
Yep.
That's the banister story.
Oh, my God.
Is this what our life
is going to be?
Just you and me,
telling each other the same
old story over and over?
Just say the word and we'll jump
into the suicide pit.
You'd like it if we jumped
down there, wouldn't you?
You want my hand?
You want this finger?
Huh? Huh?
Don't-don't-don't tease 'em.
I won tickets to the new Cirque
du Soleil show next week--
Cirque du Soleil
Moon Frye!
Oh, I've heard of that one.
Top-heavy actresses get stuck
in a refrigerator
and have to dance their way out.
Great, that sounds
like something to do.
We'll take those.
Hey!
You guys can't do this.
I think we can.
Oh, look, there's four!
We can take
another couple.
What about Gary and Lisa?
He's great,
but I hate her.
How about Ted
and Linda?
She's great,
but I hate him.
Greg and Terry?
Both great!
Hey, it's Francine.
We have extra tickets
to a show next Thursday.
Okay, great!
Turns out
they hate us.
I can see that.
Why pay ten bucks
for pre-bagged cotton candy
when you can have it fresh
at any time?
With the Cotton Candy Shooter,
you can have portable perfection
in the palm of your hand!
On it!
Yes, I'd like to order
the Cotton Candy Shooter.
We are going to have
so much fun with this!
What are you gonna do
with a portable
Cotton Candy Shooter?
You're stuck in a fishbowl!
You don't need portability!
No, I'm here. I was just
mocking my stupid friend.
Anyway, last four digits 5664.
Expiration 8/12.
Yeah, Greg Corbin.
Thank you.
I stole a credit card
from Greg and Terry's mailbox.
As long as I don't charge over
40 bucks, they never catch on.
They get the bill and it goes
something like this...
"Honey, did you spend 14.99
at a place called
CCS Enterprises?"
"Hmm, is that that new
wine store on Grove Street?"
"Maybe. I also got a couple
of vintage butter dishes
off eBay. Could be that."
"And don't forget that mm-hmm
that came in the brown
paper package."
"Tie me up with string 'cause
that was my favorite thing!"
After that, they do it
on the Viking rangetop
and end up ignoring the charge.
Tuck yourself in tonight.
We'll be late.
Where you gotta be
that's so damn important
I don't get a
forehead kiss?
Your mother and I are gonna
go try to make some friends.
I'll kiss your forehead
for you.
I got ya. I got ya.
I got ya.
♪ ♪
They look like a couple
we can be friends with.
Hey, the wife and I have
the exact same set of...
Oh, my God! No!
No, no, you're hideous!
Stan, aren't you going
to introduce me to your...
No! Come on!
Run!
They're so cute out there,
aren't they?
Which one's yours?
Um... number 12.
That's... ours.
I meant number 21.
The... the black one?
Yes.
My wife here
cheated on me.
Anyways, you guys want
to grab some soosh?
♪ ♪
Well, I sold
the extra tickets.
I can't believe we couldn't
find one couple friend.
I can't believe this place
doesn't serve booze.
What?!
There's the guy
I sold the seats to.
I'm so glad you had
those extra tickets.
You know, the wife and I
have been really curious
about this show.
We snuck in some margaritas.
Do you guys want one?
I can't believe
they don't sell booze.
We were just saying!
Totally!
They're a couple!
They're perfect!
Ow!
You elbowed my booby!
I'm sorry.
It's cool!
I have had it
with the malt shop.
Kids don't
come in anymore.
Who killed small-town
America, Steve?
Cell phones, texting,
and blogs, that's who!
I remember the good old days
when Twitter was
just another word
for late-night beaver
down by the creek.
Cheer up, Roger.
The Cotton Candy Shooter came!
What? Why didn't
you tell me?
Give it! Give it!
What the hell?!
It doesn't work!
This thing is a piece of crap!
Get my tub of chalk.
I'm gonna write some swear words
on the driveway,
blow off some steam.
Wait, you have to make them
accountable
for their shoddy product!
Yeah, they can't rip us off
like that!
We ain't no chumps!
Thank you for calling
CCS Enterprises.
Your estimated wait time
is two... weeks.
What?! Forget it.
Don't hang up!
If you hang up, they win.
I will not be
a loser.
I will stay on this phone
as long as it takes!
Steve, go get the diaper
I sleep in after Indian food.
♪ ♪
She was stuck in the banister
for three days.
And to this day, I always carry
a stick of butter in my purse.
She totally does!
That is so awesome!
Shh! Come on.
Hey, pal,
mind your own business.
My friends are
telling a story.
You hear that?
He said friends!
And he called my dumb
ramblings a story!
Do you think
they'll call?
I wonder if they'll call.
Maybe we should
call them.
No!
We don't want
to seem too needy.
It's them!
They don't play games!
Hey, guys!
They want us to go out
to dinner!
That sounds great.
8:30. It's a little late.
It's fine! Say yes!
Say yes!
We'd love to!
Okay, see you then.
We did it!
We have a real live
double date!
What am I gonna wear?!
Maybe this blue suit
with the white shirt
and the black tie.
Yeah, that's it.
That'll look nice.
I'm telling you,
it's always funny.
Oh, he's right.
You can't see a guy
get hit in the groin
and not laugh.
I cannot tell you guys
how glad we are
to have found you.
The last couple we met
was so boring.
Well, that's because
they were so old.
I mean, they were
like 40.
40?
What, was-was he from
that village in China
where they live forever?
40.
I'm about to have my 30th
and I'm freaking.
Ugh, thank God I don't have
to think about that
for another 15 years.
Oh, my curfew!
What time is it?
Can you drop me off
at the roller rink?
That's where my dad
thinks I am.
Too far. Reel it in.
You know what's really
going to make us
feel grown-up
is having kids.
Jinx, jinx, jinx-- I can't hear you!
I'm telling you.
We use double birth control:
condoms and spermicide.
We don't want kids
for a long time.
It's good to be young
without kids.
We kill kids.
Reel it in.
Hey, it's only
midnight!
How about another
bottle, huh?!
We'll hit up
an after-hours club.
What? You're not
tired, are you?
No, no, we're awake!
Yep, wide awake
and ready to party.
Check it out.
Oh!
Well done, sir.
Tonight for dessert
we have figs or dates,
both in a sweet
yogurt sauce.
Like most ethnic foods,
our desserts
are disappointing.
Cut a trach-hole.
No one's dying
in Chicago tonight.
Ah!
Look, Stan.
Kitchen people!
We had the best...
Oh, the bread fell.
We had the best
dinner, you guys.
I love it!
3:00 in the morning
and you guys are hammered.
Your head is
so funny-looking!
It's so bulbous!
Okay.
Ow! I need those!
Do I look smart?
Stan, look at me smart!
Oh, my God--
mac and cheese.
We need mac and cheese.
Yes!
So much yes!
What the...?
"St. Ides"?
Were we drinking 40s?
What happened?
You passed out
making mac and cheese.
Why didn't you
turn off the stove?
You guys laughed
at my head.
Now, you ruined a pot.
Happy with yourselves?
Hey, you!
Ready for our
mother/daughter day?
What are you talking about?
Last night.
You came into my room
and woke me up.
You said I was the most
precious thing in your life
and you were ready
to be adult friends,
and that I could
call you "Francine."
You said we'd spend the day
having fun together.
Oh, no.
"No" to all of that.
Hello?
Hey, you guys ready?
STAN
Hmm?
For rock climbing.
Remember,
we said last night?
We're outside. Let's go.
They want us
to go rock climbing.
We, uh, we don't have
any equipment or, uh...
Not a problem.
We got you covered.
Hey, if you guys
need a few minutes
we'll come in
and make mimosas.
No! We'll be right out.
Stan, I can't.
I feel like the tattoo
on Aida Turturro's
left boob.
I feel gross.
Tony Soprano's sister.
Oh!
But this is Tom and Cami.
The best couple
we've ever met.
If we lose them,
it's just you, me,
and the banister story.
Okay. Okay.
Let's do this!
Delightful.
♪ ♪
Francine!
Oh!
Hey, Stanny-boy!
Frantastic!
Get up here!
The view is amazing!
Did you hear that?
They gave us nicknames!
The only nickname I ever
got was in eighth grade.
They called me Stan Frank
because I was always
hiding and writing
in my diary.
I need this new
nickname, Francine.
Now, get your
buns moving!
Stan and I are so glad
we met you guys.
How good does
a beer sound?
Let's see if this place
has yards.
Mom!
I've been looking
for you guys.
There's no food in the house,
and Roger and I are stuck
on hold. We're starving.
Just grab 20 bucks
from my purse
and get the hell
out of here.
They got 37 microbrews
in this pub.
Gypsy!
Ah! Mommy!
Downtown Langley
has a real gypsy
problem lately.
They call you "mommy" to try
to tug on your
heartstrings.
Why, Mommy?
I'm a piece of you.
Hey, guys.
So glad you suggested
a nice, easy jog.
Is there a track up here
or something?
What, you've never
been free running?
Oh, you're going
to love it. Let's go!
Okay, there is
no way in hell...
♪ ♪
Francine!
Stan, don't move!
I'm coming!
My sunscreen!
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, sweet free run.
Whew, good,
uh, good free run.
Dude, is that
your shin bone?
Yep. Compound fracture feels
good after a workout, huh?
Nice to air out
the bones a little.
I'm going to chill here,
catch my breath,
go into shock.
I'll meet up with you
at the tiki bar.
Get it, boy!
That's not your
bone, silly.
Who's a silly boy?
It's okay.
He's friendly.
Thank you
for calling CCS Enterprises.
If you know the department
you'd like to reach,
please say it now.
Billing!
Did you say
Beverly Billingsley?
No! Billing! Billing!
Transferring
to Beverly Billingsley.
BEVERLY BILLINGSLEY:
Hello?
Go screw yourself?!
Why does everyone keep calling
and saying that?
Well, I'm not one
to disappoint my fans.
Guess this'll do.
STEVE
Hello?
Can you transfer me
to customer service?
We've got to pull
ourselves together.
We're meeting them
in 20 minutes.
Okay, okay.
We can do this.
Are you ready?
I'm ready.
I am so glad you guys
could join us for brunch.
We wouldn't miss it.
Yay, more alcohol!
So, Tommy and I
have a great idea
for a trip the four
of us can take.
There's this vertical glacier
in Alaska that you can ski.
Oh, it's a fantastic
challenge.
You know, about 30%
of people who try it die,
but they're all old.
That sounds great.
Terrific! Race you
to the omelet bar!
We can't go.
No way. This has gone too far.
I miss being over 40.
But if we don't keep up
with Tom and Cami,
we'll lose them.
Maybe we can't
keep up with them,
but we can slow them down.
We sabotage their birth control
and give Tom and Cami the gift
of lifelong responsibility.
We have 45 minutes
until they get back
from their midnight triathlon.
Barf to that hobby.
Got the condoms.
Found the spermicide.
Hey, I get the part
where if Tom and Cami have a kid
they'll have
to slow down like us,
but how do we know
they'll keep the baby?
Oh, they're not
going to abort it.
'Cause they're awesome.
Tom-Tom! Cameo!
Have some wine.
Actually, we
have some news.
Oh, congratulations!
We haven't even
told you our news.
Oh, but having
news is great.
I love news.
I'm like the Cookie
Monster with news.
News! Num-num,
num-num, num-num-num!
Francine.
Well, it's early,
but... we're pregnant.
Guess that means we can't
go on that ski trip.
You're really going
to have to slow down now, huh?
I don't know
how this happened.
You must have put
the condom on wrong.
Well, even if I did,
you clearly did not
use your spermicide.
I did! I just...
Maybe it turned bad.
There were so many ants.
It's been like this
since we found out.
We just aren't ready for a baby.
They're going to be fine.
Guys, I'm sorry.
Cami and I are through.
No!
Oh, come on. You guys
have to stay together.
Yeah, the four of us
have so much fun.
Hey, 'member this?
Yeah, I guess the one time
it's not funny
is when the life you've built
with the woman you love
comes crashing down around you.
We have to fix this.
Good, I see we're
on the same page here
about what we have to do.
Clean up the house,
hang up all our coats,
and figure out how to get
Tom and Cami back together.
Guess what?! I won tickets
to the new Cirque du Soleil
show, Cirque du Hey, Hey, Hey.
Oh, based
on Fat Albert?
Oh, no, I said it wrong.
It's Cirque du Hey, Hey, Hey.
It's based
on What's Happening.
We'll take those.
Hey!
Turkeys.
This is perfect.
You give a ticket to Cami
and I'll give one to Tom.
Then, when they
show up at the show,
they'll remember how good
we all were together
and fall back in love.
Oh, Richard Lewis
is opening!
That means we don't
have to go early.
We're going to get
our best friends back.
Okay, but eventually
Mom and I need to discuss
the vicious purse beating
she gave me last time I saw her!
I got a person! Hello!
Yes, I was very displeased
with the Cotton Candy Shooter.
I want a full refund!
Thank... thank you.
We send it back
and they refund our credit card
the entire amount.
We did it!
Yes. You got $14.99 refunded
back to Greg and Terry's
credit card.
I forgot we used their card.
Who cares about
Greg and Terry's money?!
You knew all along!
Why did you goad us on
every step of the way?
Remember that crack
you made about me
not being able to enjoy
"portable" things?
Well, I can enjoy
making you two suffer.
You'll never get back those days
you spent on hold, you ass-wads!
Are we stupid, Steve?
No, honestly, are we?
I mean, I have a master's
in city planning
from Howard University.
I could tell you where your
convention center should go,
but I can't tell you when a fish
is giving me the business.
♪ ♪
Oh, are you kidding me?
You really thought
this old trick would work?
Wait! Just hear us out.
You two are pretty much
the best couple we've ever met.
You're perfect
for each other.
You have to stay together.
It's too late.
A baby doesn't
ruin your life!
It makes it great.
How would
you know?
Because we have
two of them.
What?
Remember that gypsy
I punched on the street?
That was my son.
You lied. Yes, but we're
not lying about this.
Having kids is great,
even if it means
having to slow down.
Trust us. As soon
as you have that baby,
you're going to be so glad
we broke into your house
and sabotaged
your birth control.
You what?
You two are monsters.
You were right.
You said there was
something off about them.
Yeah, and you said
there was no way
she was a day under 40.
You bitch.
Honey, she's right.
Oh, Cami, I'll never
doubt you again.
I missed you.
Come on.
Let's get out of here
before one of these geezers
has a heart attack.
Why would I tweezer
my fart crack?
Stupid kids.
You know, Stan,
maybe it's best
if we don't
have friends.
What do you say
you and me go home
and tell each other
boring stories
for the rest of our lives?
That sounds perfect.
You guys have been talking
through the whole damn show.
Watch this.
I'm so sorry.
Nut punch!
Block!
Counter-nut punch!
Always funny.
♪ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
♪ Good... ♪
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
Aah!
♪ American Dad 6x10 ♪
Stanny Boy and Frantastic
Original Air Date on January 23, 2011
Hey, did I ever
tell you the story
of the time I got my head
stuck in the banister?
196 times.
In fact, why don't
I tell it to you?
You were eight
and you got your head stuck
in the staircase banister.
So your mother buttered
your ears and slid you out.
And that's why, to this day,
you always carry a stick
of butter in your purse.
Yep.
That's the banister story.
Oh, my God.
Is this what our life
is going to be?
Just you and me,
telling each other the same
old story over and over?
Just say the word and we'll jump
into the suicide pit.
You'd like it if we jumped
down there, wouldn't you?
You want my hand?
You want this finger?
Huh? Huh?
Don't-don't-don't tease 'em.
I won tickets to the new Cirque
du Soleil show next week--
Cirque du Soleil
Moon Frye!
Oh, I've heard of that one.
Top-heavy actresses get stuck
in a refrigerator
and have to dance their way out.
Great, that sounds
like something to do.
We'll take those.
Hey!
You guys can't do this.
I think we can.
Oh, look, there's four!
We can take
another couple.
What about Gary and Lisa?
He's great,
but I hate her.
How about Ted
and Linda?
She's great,
but I hate him.
Greg and Terry?
Both great!
Hey, it's Francine.
We have extra tickets
to a show next Thursday.
Okay, great!
Turns out
they hate us.
I can see that.
Why pay ten bucks
for pre-bagged cotton candy
when you can have it fresh
at any time?
With the Cotton Candy Shooter,
you can have portable perfection
in the palm of your hand!
On it!
Yes, I'd like to order
the Cotton Candy Shooter.
We are going to have
so much fun with this!
What are you gonna do
with a portable
Cotton Candy Shooter?
You're stuck in a fishbowl!
You don't need portability!
No, I'm here. I was just
mocking my stupid friend.
Anyway, last four digits 5664.
Expiration 8/12.
Yeah, Greg Corbin.
Thank you.
I stole a credit card
from Greg and Terry's mailbox.
As long as I don't charge over
40 bucks, they never catch on.
They get the bill and it goes
something like this...
"Honey, did you spend 14.99
at a place called
CCS Enterprises?"
"Hmm, is that that new
wine store on Grove Street?"
"Maybe. I also got a couple
of vintage butter dishes
off eBay. Could be that."
"And don't forget that mm-hmm
that came in the brown
paper package."
"Tie me up with string 'cause
that was my favorite thing!"
After that, they do it
on the Viking rangetop
and end up ignoring the charge.
Tuck yourself in tonight.
We'll be late.
Where you gotta be
that's so damn important
I don't get a
forehead kiss?
Your mother and I are gonna
go try to make some friends.
I'll kiss your forehead
for you.
I got ya. I got ya.
I got ya.
♪ ♪
They look like a couple
we can be friends with.
Hey, the wife and I have
the exact same set of...
Oh, my God! No!
No, no, you're hideous!
Stan, aren't you going
to introduce me to your...
No! Come on!
Run!
They're so cute out there,
aren't they?
Which one's yours?
Um... number 12.
That's... ours.
I meant number 21.
The... the black one?
Yes.
My wife here
cheated on me.
Anyways, you guys want
to grab some soosh?
♪ ♪
Well, I sold
the extra tickets.
I can't believe we couldn't
find one couple friend.
I can't believe this place
doesn't serve booze.
What?!
There's the guy
I sold the seats to.
I'm so glad you had
those extra tickets.
You know, the wife and I
have been really curious
about this show.
We snuck in some margaritas.
Do you guys want one?
I can't believe
they don't sell booze.
We were just saying!
Totally!
They're a couple!
They're perfect!
Ow!
You elbowed my booby!
I'm sorry.
It's cool!
I have had it
with the malt shop.
Kids don't
come in anymore.
Who killed small-town
America, Steve?
Cell phones, texting,
and blogs, that's who!
I remember the good old days
when Twitter was
just another word
for late-night beaver
down by the creek.
Cheer up, Roger.
The Cotton Candy Shooter came!
What? Why didn't
you tell me?
Give it! Give it!
What the hell?!
It doesn't work!
This thing is a piece of crap!
Get my tub of chalk.
I'm gonna write some swear words
on the driveway,
blow off some steam.
Wait, you have to make them
accountable
for their shoddy product!
Yeah, they can't rip us off
like that!
We ain't no chumps!
Thank you for calling
CCS Enterprises.
Your estimated wait time
is two... weeks.
What?! Forget it.
Don't hang up!
If you hang up, they win.
I will not be
a loser.
I will stay on this phone
as long as it takes!
Steve, go get the diaper
I sleep in after Indian food.
♪ ♪
She was stuck in the banister
for three days.
And to this day, I always carry
a stick of butter in my purse.
She totally does!
That is so awesome!
Shh! Come on.
Hey, pal,
mind your own business.
My friends are
telling a story.
You hear that?
He said friends!
And he called my dumb
ramblings a story!
Do you think
they'll call?
I wonder if they'll call.
Maybe we should
call them.
No!
We don't want
to seem too needy.
It's them!
They don't play games!
Hey, guys!
They want us to go out
to dinner!
That sounds great.
8:30. It's a little late.
It's fine! Say yes!
Say yes!
We'd love to!
Okay, see you then.
We did it!
We have a real live
double date!
What am I gonna wear?!
Maybe this blue suit
with the white shirt
and the black tie.
Yeah, that's it.
That'll look nice.
I'm telling you,
it's always funny.
Oh, he's right.
You can't see a guy
get hit in the groin
and not laugh.
I cannot tell you guys
how glad we are
to have found you.
The last couple we met
was so boring.
Well, that's because
they were so old.
I mean, they were
like 40.
40?
What, was-was he from
that village in China
where they live forever?
40.
I'm about to have my 30th
and I'm freaking.
Ugh, thank God I don't have
to think about that
for another 15 years.
Oh, my curfew!
What time is it?
Can you drop me off
at the roller rink?
That's where my dad
thinks I am.
Too far. Reel it in.
You know what's really
going to make us
feel grown-up
is having kids.
Jinx, jinx, jinx-- I can't hear you!
I'm telling you.
We use double birth control:
condoms and spermicide.
We don't want kids
for a long time.
It's good to be young
without kids.
We kill kids.
Reel it in.
Hey, it's only
midnight!
How about another
bottle, huh?!
We'll hit up
an after-hours club.
What? You're not
tired, are you?
No, no, we're awake!
Yep, wide awake
and ready to party.
Check it out.
Oh!
Well done, sir.
Tonight for dessert
we have figs or dates,
both in a sweet
yogurt sauce.
Like most ethnic foods,
our desserts
are disappointing.
Cut a trach-hole.
No one's dying
in Chicago tonight.
Ah!
Look, Stan.
Kitchen people!
We had the best...
Oh, the bread fell.
We had the best
dinner, you guys.
I love it!
3:00 in the morning
and you guys are hammered.
Your head is
so funny-looking!
It's so bulbous!
Okay.
Ow! I need those!
Do I look smart?
Stan, look at me smart!
Oh, my God--
mac and cheese.
We need mac and cheese.
Yes!
So much yes!
What the...?
"St. Ides"?
Were we drinking 40s?
What happened?
You passed out
making mac and cheese.
Why didn't you
turn off the stove?
You guys laughed
at my head.
Now, you ruined a pot.
Happy with yourselves?
Hey, you!
Ready for our
mother/daughter day?
What are you talking about?
Last night.
You came into my room
and woke me up.
You said I was the most
precious thing in your life
and you were ready
to be adult friends,
and that I could
call you "Francine."
You said we'd spend the day
having fun together.
Oh, no.
"No" to all of that.
Hello?
Hey, you guys ready?
STAN
Hmm?
For rock climbing.
Remember,
we said last night?
We're outside. Let's go.
They want us
to go rock climbing.
We, uh, we don't have
any equipment or, uh...
Not a problem.
We got you covered.
Hey, if you guys
need a few minutes
we'll come in
and make mimosas.
No! We'll be right out.
Stan, I can't.
I feel like the tattoo
on Aida Turturro's
left boob.
I feel gross.
Tony Soprano's sister.
Oh!
But this is Tom and Cami.
The best couple
we've ever met.
If we lose them,
it's just you, me,
and the banister story.
Okay. Okay.
Let's do this!
Delightful.
♪ ♪
Francine!
Oh!
Hey, Stanny-boy!
Frantastic!
Get up here!
The view is amazing!
Did you hear that?
They gave us nicknames!
The only nickname I ever
got was in eighth grade.
They called me Stan Frank
because I was always
hiding and writing
in my diary.
I need this new
nickname, Francine.
Now, get your
buns moving!
Stan and I are so glad
we met you guys.
How good does
a beer sound?
Let's see if this place
has yards.
Mom!
I've been looking
for you guys.
There's no food in the house,
and Roger and I are stuck
on hold. We're starving.
Just grab 20 bucks
from my purse
and get the hell
out of here.
They got 37 microbrews
in this pub.
Gypsy!
Ah! Mommy!
Downtown Langley
has a real gypsy
problem lately.
They call you "mommy" to try
to tug on your
heartstrings.
Why, Mommy?
I'm a piece of you.
Hey, guys.
So glad you suggested
a nice, easy jog.
Is there a track up here
or something?
What, you've never
been free running?
Oh, you're going
to love it. Let's go!
Okay, there is
no way in hell...
♪ ♪
Francine!
Stan, don't move!
I'm coming!
My sunscreen!
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, sweet free run.
Whew, good,
uh, good free run.
Dude, is that
your shin bone?
Yep. Compound fracture feels
good after a workout, huh?
Nice to air out
the bones a little.
I'm going to chill here,
catch my breath,
go into shock.
I'll meet up with you
at the tiki bar.
Get it, boy!
That's not your
bone, silly.
Who's a silly boy?
It's okay.
He's friendly.
Thank you
for calling CCS Enterprises.
If you know the department
you'd like to reach,
please say it now.
Billing!
Did you say
Beverly Billingsley?
No! Billing! Billing!
Transferring
to Beverly Billingsley.
BEVERLY BILLINGSLEY:
Hello?
Go screw yourself?!
Why does everyone keep calling
and saying that?
Well, I'm not one
to disappoint my fans.
Guess this'll do.
STEVE
Hello?
Can you transfer me
to customer service?
We've got to pull
ourselves together.
We're meeting them
in 20 minutes.
Okay, okay.
We can do this.
Are you ready?
I'm ready.
I am so glad you guys
could join us for brunch.
We wouldn't miss it.
Yay, more alcohol!
So, Tommy and I
have a great idea
for a trip the four
of us can take.
There's this vertical glacier
in Alaska that you can ski.
Oh, it's a fantastic
challenge.
You know, about 30%
of people who try it die,
but they're all old.
That sounds great.
Terrific! Race you
to the omelet bar!
We can't go.
No way. This has gone too far.
I miss being over 40.
But if we don't keep up
with Tom and Cami,
we'll lose them.
Maybe we can't
keep up with them,
but we can slow them down.
We sabotage their birth control
and give Tom and Cami the gift
of lifelong responsibility.
We have 45 minutes
until they get back
from their midnight triathlon.
Barf to that hobby.
Got the condoms.
Found the spermicide.
Hey, I get the part
where if Tom and Cami have a kid
they'll have
to slow down like us,
but how do we know
they'll keep the baby?
Oh, they're not
going to abort it.
'Cause they're awesome.
Tom-Tom! Cameo!
Have some wine.
Actually, we
have some news.
Oh, congratulations!
We haven't even
told you our news.
Oh, but having
news is great.
I love news.
I'm like the Cookie
Monster with news.
News! Num-num,
num-num, num-num-num!
Francine.
Well, it's early,
but... we're pregnant.
Guess that means we can't
go on that ski trip.
You're really going
to have to slow down now, huh?
I don't know
how this happened.
You must have put
the condom on wrong.
Well, even if I did,
you clearly did not
use your spermicide.
I did! I just...
Maybe it turned bad.
There were so many ants.
It's been like this
since we found out.
We just aren't ready for a baby.
They're going to be fine.
Guys, I'm sorry.
Cami and I are through.
No!
Oh, come on. You guys
have to stay together.
Yeah, the four of us
have so much fun.
Hey, 'member this?
Yeah, I guess the one time
it's not funny
is when the life you've built
with the woman you love
comes crashing down around you.
We have to fix this.
Good, I see we're
on the same page here
about what we have to do.
Clean up the house,
hang up all our coats,
and figure out how to get
Tom and Cami back together.
Guess what?! I won tickets
to the new Cirque du Soleil
show, Cirque du Hey, Hey, Hey.
Oh, based
on Fat Albert?
Oh, no, I said it wrong.
It's Cirque du Hey, Hey, Hey.
It's based
on What's Happening.
We'll take those.
Hey!
Turkeys.
This is perfect.
You give a ticket to Cami
and I'll give one to Tom.
Then, when they
show up at the show,
they'll remember how good
we all were together
and fall back in love.
Oh, Richard Lewis
is opening!
That means we don't
have to go early.
We're going to get
our best friends back.
Okay, but eventually
Mom and I need to discuss
the vicious purse beating
she gave me last time I saw her!
I got a person! Hello!
Yes, I was very displeased
with the Cotton Candy Shooter.
I want a full refund!
Thank... thank you.
We send it back
and they refund our credit card
the entire amount.
We did it!
Yes. You got $14.99 refunded
back to Greg and Terry's
credit card.
I forgot we used their card.
Who cares about
Greg and Terry's money?!
You knew all along!
Why did you goad us on
every step of the way?
Remember that crack
you made about me
not being able to enjoy
"portable" things?
Well, I can enjoy
making you two suffer.
You'll never get back those days
you spent on hold, you ass-wads!
Are we stupid, Steve?
No, honestly, are we?
I mean, I have a master's
in city planning
from Howard University.
I could tell you where your
convention center should go,
but I can't tell you when a fish
is giving me the business.
♪ ♪
Oh, are you kidding me?
You really thought
this old trick would work?
Wait! Just hear us out.
You two are pretty much
the best couple we've ever met.
You're perfect
for each other.
You have to stay together.
It's too late.
A baby doesn't
ruin your life!
It makes it great.
How would
you know?
Because we have
two of them.
What?
Remember that gypsy
I punched on the street?
That was my son.
You lied. Yes, but we're
not lying about this.
Having kids is great,
even if it means
having to slow down.
Trust us. As soon
as you have that baby,
you're going to be so glad
we broke into your house
and sabotaged
your birth control.
You what?
You two are monsters.
You were right.
You said there was
something off about them.
Yeah, and you said
there was no way
she was a day under 40.
You bitch.
Honey, she's right.
Oh, Cami, I'll never
doubt you again.
I missed you.
Come on.
Let's get out of here
before one of these geezers
has a heart attack.
Why would I tweezer
my fart crack?
Stupid kids.
You know, Stan,
maybe it's best
if we don't
have friends.
What do you say
you and me go home
and tell each other
boring stories
for the rest of our lives?
That sounds perfect.
You guys have been talking
through the whole damn show.
Watch this.
I'm so sorry.
Nut punch!
Block!
Counter-nut punch!
Always funny.