American Dad! (2005–…): Season 3, Episode 12 - Widowmaker - full transcript
After one of the wives of Stan's CIA coworkers tells Francine that her husband is missing, Francine tries to persuade Stan to be more open with her. He responds by telling her that he killed the husband.
Good morning, USA!
I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day
The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face
And he's shining a salute
to the American race
Optimistic...
Oh, boy, it's swell to say
Good morning, USA
Good morning, USA!
It'll be all right, Julie.
He's been missing
for three weeks.
Oh, honey, I know,
but we knew what we were in for
the secret business trips,
Maybe he's deep undercover,
like a kitty cat in a fluffy
bed on a cold winter night.
I just feel so lost
without Craig.
He was always
there for me,
or having an especially
heavy period.
It's just not like him
to disappear.
He'd tell me
if he was going somewhere.
He tells me everything.
And now he could be dead.
Oh, my God.
He tells you
everything?
He... shares with you?
Yes.
Every night he gets
home from work,
and then we talk about our day.
He tells you
about work stuff?
Well, ourse.
We share everything.
Hi, Stan.
Hi.
How was work?
Fine.
Anything exciting happen?
That's confidential.
Dinner?
Monday Night Football.
See you in bed.
Julie seem pretty sure
something bad happened to Craig.
Stan, Craig is
your friend.
How do you feel
about that?
Sucks.
Damn it, Stan, how come
you never share?
You never talk to me.
What's there to talk about?
He's probably
just on a secret mission.
No, she said he would
have told her about that.
He tells her
everything... unke you.
I don't even know
your favorite color.
Francine, I'm a CIA man.
Sharing, opening up-
I'm just notthat type of guy.
Do you want to be?
Whoa, whoa,stop, stop, stop, stop, stop!
Roger Smith,pretend psychiatrist.
Sounds like you could usemy help.
Roger, you can'tjust throw a wig on
and call yourself a doctor.
I'll have you know I studiedat the feet of the master:
Dr. Phil.
It's Oprah-approved.
Oprah, Oprah, Oprah,Oprah, Oprah, Oprah, Oprah!
My card.
The only currency I acceptis the joy I get
from helpingmy patients.
This is a seven of diamonds.
Yeah, you're gonna haveto write
Klondike 5-2487.
Stan, I think we should giveRoger a chance to help us.
What? Not in athousand years.
Fine.
Then we'll just go seeDr. Nussbaum for $150 an hour.
Fine, we'lljust use Roger.
Operator, connect meto Klondike 5-2487.
Putting youthrough now, sir.
She's puttingme through.
You girls want somesugar water, huh?
Bee-trice?
Bee-yonc??
And the pride of the hive,Queen Jamie Bee Curtis.
Rumor has it shewas born a drone.
Ugh, Steve, the science fairwas months ago.
Get ridof those filthy insects.
Don't listen to him.
He's just jealous.
Oh, Yourhness is going out
for her morningconstitutional.
What have you done?!
Relax, you freak,it's just a bee.
I'm glad that whore bug is dead.
She wasn't a whore!
She was a beautiful specimenwho captured the heart
of one lonelyand sensitive ginger-haired boy!
Never cry over a whore, Steve.
Never!
Mama!
You like staring at those longgams, don't you, Mr. Soprano?
That's it.
Stan, he was justbreaking the tension.
Or creating some.
You said you'ddo this for me.
Okay, if we're going toget you to open up, Stan,
we're going to have to usesome unconventional methods.
What are you thinking, Roger?
Shock therapy,reverse psychology?
Forward psychology?
No, I'm gonna use something farmore effective and cutting edge.
Feelings...The Game of Feelings!
Now, in Feelings, thereare no winners or losers.
Or dice orgame pieces.
What the hell, eBay?
Let go of me.
This is stupid.
You're stupid!
I'm sorry.That was unprofessional.
I've been a bit consumedwith one of my other patients.
He's a complicated teenage drugaddict who's being molested.
By me.
Francine, theproblem here
Close your eyes,both of you.
We're going to do acommunication exercise.
In nature, a horse willnot offer you his hoof
until you gainhis trust,
and to do that you mustcommunicate from your heart.
Go ahead, openyour eyes.
Hello, I'm Clip-Clop.
Let's see who can earn my hoof,shall we?
Francine?
How are you, Mr. Clip-Clop?
Do you likebeing petted?
Will you honor mewith your hoof?
Stan, get the camera!
Okay, Francine,good work.
Stan?
Give me your foot.
It's a hoof and youhave to earn it.
Give me your damn hoof!
You're spooking me!
What the hellare you doing?
I'm playing a role, sir.
What are you doing?
Just a bug, huh?
Filthy insects?
Oh, they'll see.
They'll see the true powerof the bee!
You will be avenged, my sweet!
It's so hard
To say good-bye
To yesterday...
Francine!
I think he's aboutto make a breakthrough.
Stan, Francine is here.
Francine?
I'm here, Stan.
Someone wantsto come in, Stan.
I'm... I'm scared.
Tell him you want to come inand you have a present.
I want to come inand I have a present.
What's thepresent?
Love.
It's love, Stan.
It's love and it's very heavy
and I'd like to come inand put it down.
You can comein, Francine!
You don'even have wipe your feet!
My favorite color is blue.
My lucky number is three, myfavorite movie is The 'Burbs,
and I'm terrifiedof fountains.
They're unnatural.
To force a rainbowangers God.
Oh, Stan!
Now you're sharing, justlike Craig did with Julie.
This is exactlywhat I wanted.
I'm so proud of you.
Are you really scaredof fountains?
Terrified.
The last time I walkedby a public fountain,
It hadn't even provoked me.
I just had a dream where Steveand I were on a boat.
You'll never believewhat happened at work.
The CIA was makinga promotional video
with Tom Selleck.
Nobody saw him, but Iheard he was around.
I like seeing awoman's panty lines.
Oh, and I hatefrozen lemonade.
Who is it that keeps demandingcolder and colder drinks?
Some sort of beverage tyrant,seems like.
This is so great.
I feel like I can tellyou anything, Francine,
even my deepest,darkest secret.
Oh, Stan,if you think you're ready.
Okay.
I know where your friendJulie's husband is.
You do.
Oh, that's great.
She'll be so relieved.
Where is he?
Buried in aconstruction site.
What?
Yeah, I killed him.He's dead.
CIA made me do it.
I killed your bestfriend's husband.
It feels sogood to share.
I feel like a changed man,Francine.
You've turnedthe spigot on
and the secretsare just flowin' out.
You... you really did thatto Julie's husband?
Sure did.
Killed him.
Killed the crapout of him.
But Craig was your friend.
How could you do this?
I had to.
He told Julie everything,
so the CIA designated hima blabbermouth.
That's why they made mestab him in the throat.
Stop, please,just stop talking!
With a potato peeler.
Enough!
Look, I don't want to hearany more of your sharing.
s wrong, okay?
I- I can't bearound you right now.
But the spigot's on,
and once it's onit can't be turned off.
Who am I goingto share with?
Steve?
That ginger-haired bastard'sgot enough problems.
I didn't knowwhat to do,
so I just told everyoneI sat in smelly motor oil.
Julie...you're here.
With Stan.
Francine, younever told me
He reminds me of Craig.
There, there, Julie,I'm sure he's fine.
I can feel it...
...in here.
Honey,
can I talk to you?
How can you buddy upto Julie
after what you didto her husband?
You're the one whowanted me to share.
You said you didn'twant to listen anymore,
so I found someonewho does.
Really, and did you tellyour new best friend
your deep, dark secret?
Are you kidding?
She'd go straightto the CIA.
They'd designate me ablabbermouth, kill me,
grind me up, and mix me intothe local bologna supply.
Not, not that theCIA does that.
You should keepeating bologna.
It's good for you.
She was great.
You guys would have loved her.
She was a queen of the people.
Approachable, yet regal.
And funny.
Is thata beehive?
You got moreof them?
Why the hellwould you do that?
Not becauseyou killed our queen
and I'm buildinga winged army of vengeance.
It's not that.It's not that at all.
It is that.
Roger, I needsome advice.
Sorry, I've gotsomething in my teeth.
Continue.
I don't know what to do.
I don't want Stan sharingwith me anymore because,
well, it's-it's...
it's becomea little disturbing.
Oh, so, tell himyou're done sharing.
I did.
But now he's sharingwith another woman.
Francine, Julie's searchingfor a man
to fill the roleof her missing husband,
and the newtouchy-feely Stan fits.
So, what do I do?
Show her Stan'snot perfect.
As I recall, he's got apeculiar phobia of fountains.
Yeah.
Maybe Julie wouldn't findmy husband so comforting
if she saw himdecapitate auck.
Thanks, Roger.
Finally! Ugh!
Can't tell you how longthat's been in there.
Looks like somesort of skin.
Maybe froma red pepper?
Or a tomato!
Weird, I've never eatena vegetable in my life.
Hey, Julie, Stan wanted meto let you know
that instead of coffeeat our house today,
he wants to meet youat the park instead.
Yeah, by the fountains.
The public water fountains.
Have fun.
Ah. It was apomegranate.
That's what wasin my teeth.
Look at this thing.
Looks like awoman's baby cannon.
I know we're in themiddle of a show,
but that was American Dad's 1,000th vagina joke!
Oh, my God!
Your brand new Cutlass Supremeis waiting outside.
Speech!Speech!
Okay, okay, okay.
Thank you.
Our 1,000th vagina joke.
Gosh, where do I start?
Um, I guess I'd liketo thank vaginas everywhere.
They're creepy, and I don't knowwhat they're for,
but, boy, are they funny!
Thank you!
What the hell is going on?!
Francine!
This is a publicwater fountain!
You're supposedto be freaking out!
I'm sharing all myfears with Jules,
and she's helpingme conquer them.
Hey, I'll get ussome frozen lemonade.
Mmm, sounds delish!
You're-You're drinkingfrozen lemonade now, too?!
Eating. You eat ice.
That's it, Stan!
I'm sick of you spendingevery waking moment with Julie.
Francine, showsome compassion.
Her husbandis missing.
Because you killed him!
Hold thatthought. Hello.
You got it.
Well, Francine,
you can put yourpetty jealousy aside
for a few days.
I got to go to Laos
and take care of anotherblabbermouth, wink-wink.
I think I'll use acorkscrew this time.
Don't tell me any moreof your secrets!
We're both onthe same bike.
See? Seethat, Marty?
That's a realtandem bike.
When are you gonnamake more money?!
Oh. Hi, Julie.
I'm surprisedStan didn't tell you
he's out of townon business.
Oh, he did.
I'm just dropping off
some tangelos forwhen he gets home.
His immune system
gets a little weakwhen he travels.
He was a preemie,you know.
I know that.
Stan tells me about thatevery time we make love,
which is forever!
And besides,shouldn't you be looking
for your missing husband insteadof getting tangelos for mine?
Look, I understandyou're upset
because your relationshipwith Stan isn't all
you want itto be, but,
well, it's not my faulthe tells me everything.
He doesn'ttell you everything.
Trust me, Francine, he-he does.
Trust me, he doesn't.
Oh, I'm prettysure he does.
Did he tell youhe killed your husband?!
Oh, my God!
I'm... I'm so sorry. I...
The-The CIA made him...
I- I wasn't supposed to...
I'm going tothe police!
No! If this getsto the CIA,
they'll kill Stanfor being a blabbermouth!
Then maybe you'll see
what it's like tolose your husband!
I already lost Stan once.
At a flea market.
I won't lose him again.
Sorry I gagged you.
I was gonna gag youwith a spoon.
You know, sort ofan '80s throwback.
But then I thought,who's that for?
Who am I doing that for?
Hey, honey,how's it going?
Oh, fine, fine.
Everything's fine.
What was that?Nothing.
Just killing a ratwith a tambourine.
Well, I was justcalling to check in.
Laos is amazing.
Still haven't found
that blabbermouth,but when I do,
I'm gonna killhim so bad,
death'll throw mean ice cream party.
Stan, maybe all blabbermouthsdon't have to die.
Maybe the CIAcan be reasoned with.
Oh, Francine.
Sweet, naiveFrancine.
That's so stupid.
Stan... there's somethingI have to tell you.
Oh, I got to go.
A delightful monkeyjust took my plum.
It's time.
Stingers at the ready, boys!
Your larvae will sing songsabout what you do here today!
And you who've mockedwill now learn
to respect the power of the bee!
Attack, my minions,armed with your toxin!
Attack!
Oh, you're kidding.
I love you.
Your brother'sweird.
Julie's tied upin the basement?!
Roger, I hadno choice.
Stan's life is in dangerbecause I opened my mouth.
So... how you gonnakill her?
What? I can't kill her!
Well, thenwhat are you gonna do?
Well, I thought
you could use yourpsychological skills
to, I don't know,
convince her notto say anything.
Yeah.
Yeah, I suppose I could.
I understandwhat you're looking for.
A coherent, ethical,compassionate approach
to a complex problem.
You should totallykill yourself.
Only goodfor three shots.
Oh, Stan, thank Godyou're home!
I did somethingterrible.
What happened?
I told Julieyou killed her husband,
and she threatenedto go to the police,
so I knocked her out,
and now she's tied upin the basement with Roger
who's trying to convince herto keep quiet!
Roger?! Does he have a wig on?!
Yes.
Then everything'sgonna be fine.
Don't scare me like that.
What?! Stan, if
the CIA finds outyou blabbed to me,
they'll kill you.
No one's going to die.
Well, Julie's dead.
What are you doing?
I want to die!
Your husband'snot dead!
What?!
Craig isalive?!
Yup. He's in Laos.
Laos?
But you saidyou killed him!
Yeah, that was allan elaborate ruse.
Let me explain.
Oh, God, I can neverfollow these things.
I better take notes.
Okay. It all startedwhen me and Roger...
Who?
Yo.
While you thought Roger and I were working on my issues,
we were actually figuring out a way
to get you to stop badgering me
about all this sharing business.
Our plan was simple.
I would start by telling you a bunch of small,
made-up secrets, thus gaining your trust.
That way you'd believe me when I dropped
the big bomb, asecret so horrific,
that you'dnever ask me
to share anythingwith you ever again.
And it worked brilliantly.
Roger, you werein on all this,
and you were still gonnalet Julie kill herself?
Doctor/patientconfidentiality, Francine.
Or whatever.I don't know.
I don't understand.
If you didn't wantto share your feelings,
why did you spend so much timewith Julie?
I was justdoing Craig a solid.
I was keeping her busy
so that he could slipinto their house
and get all his National Geographics.
The-The man's been collectingNatty G's since '78.
But then,why did you go to Laos?
To visit Craig.
He lives there now with his new wife, Pyong.
Cucumber farmer. Lovely woman.
Doesn't speak a lick of English.
Oh, I got to go.
A delightful monkeyjust took my plum.
Hey! Yay!
He.. Heremarried?
Oh, romantic story.
You ladies willlove this.
She was actuallyon the cover
of one of his National Geographies
when she wasa little girl!
Look, she signed mea copy.
I can't believe hedid such a thing.
Well, what choicedid he have?
Julie was driving him crazywith all the constant sharing.
Some men just can't share.
Like you.
It's just notin your nature.
I guess I'm just nota touchy-feely guy.
I know youaren't, Stan.
And I just haveto accept it.
Orange.
What?
My favorite color is orange.
Oh, Stan.
I love you, too.
What are we goingto do with Julie?
I think I know someonewho can help.
And I didn't think
I was going to getthrough the day,
but then I rememberedwhat you said
about letting goand moving on.
You know what,I ve to stop you.
This has become boring.
I'm gonna be a pretend firemanfor a while.
Synch: Athana
I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day
The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face
And he's shining a salute
to the American race
Optimistic...
Oh, boy, it's swell to say
Good morning, USA
Good morning, USA!
It'll be all right, Julie.
He's been missing
for three weeks.
Oh, honey, I know,
but we knew what we were in for
the secret business trips,
Maybe he's deep undercover,
like a kitty cat in a fluffy
bed on a cold winter night.
I just feel so lost
without Craig.
He was always
there for me,
or having an especially
heavy period.
It's just not like him
to disappear.
He'd tell me
if he was going somewhere.
He tells me everything.
And now he could be dead.
Oh, my God.
He tells you
everything?
He... shares with you?
Yes.
Every night he gets
home from work,
and then we talk about our day.
He tells you
about work stuff?
Well, ourse.
We share everything.
Hi, Stan.
Hi.
How was work?
Fine.
Anything exciting happen?
That's confidential.
Dinner?
Monday Night Football.
See you in bed.
Julie seem pretty sure
something bad happened to Craig.
Stan, Craig is
your friend.
How do you feel
about that?
Sucks.
Damn it, Stan, how come
you never share?
You never talk to me.
What's there to talk about?
He's probably
just on a secret mission.
No, she said he would
have told her about that.
He tells her
everything... unke you.
I don't even know
your favorite color.
Francine, I'm a CIA man.
Sharing, opening up-
I'm just notthat type of guy.
Do you want to be?
Whoa, whoa,stop, stop, stop, stop, stop!
Roger Smith,pretend psychiatrist.
Sounds like you could usemy help.
Roger, you can'tjust throw a wig on
and call yourself a doctor.
I'll have you know I studiedat the feet of the master:
Dr. Phil.
It's Oprah-approved.
Oprah, Oprah, Oprah,Oprah, Oprah, Oprah, Oprah!
My card.
The only currency I acceptis the joy I get
from helpingmy patients.
This is a seven of diamonds.
Yeah, you're gonna haveto write
Klondike 5-2487.
Stan, I think we should giveRoger a chance to help us.
What? Not in athousand years.
Fine.
Then we'll just go seeDr. Nussbaum for $150 an hour.
Fine, we'lljust use Roger.
Operator, connect meto Klondike 5-2487.
Putting youthrough now, sir.
She's puttingme through.
You girls want somesugar water, huh?
Bee-trice?
Bee-yonc??
And the pride of the hive,Queen Jamie Bee Curtis.
Rumor has it shewas born a drone.
Ugh, Steve, the science fairwas months ago.
Get ridof those filthy insects.
Don't listen to him.
He's just jealous.
Oh, Yourhness is going out
for her morningconstitutional.
What have you done?!
Relax, you freak,it's just a bee.
I'm glad that whore bug is dead.
She wasn't a whore!
She was a beautiful specimenwho captured the heart
of one lonelyand sensitive ginger-haired boy!
Never cry over a whore, Steve.
Never!
Mama!
You like staring at those longgams, don't you, Mr. Soprano?
That's it.
Stan, he was justbreaking the tension.
Or creating some.
You said you'ddo this for me.
Okay, if we're going toget you to open up, Stan,
we're going to have to usesome unconventional methods.
What are you thinking, Roger?
Shock therapy,reverse psychology?
Forward psychology?
No, I'm gonna use something farmore effective and cutting edge.
Feelings...The Game of Feelings!
Now, in Feelings, thereare no winners or losers.
Or dice orgame pieces.
What the hell, eBay?
Let go of me.
This is stupid.
You're stupid!
I'm sorry.That was unprofessional.
I've been a bit consumedwith one of my other patients.
He's a complicated teenage drugaddict who's being molested.
By me.
Francine, theproblem here
Close your eyes,both of you.
We're going to do acommunication exercise.
In nature, a horse willnot offer you his hoof
until you gainhis trust,
and to do that you mustcommunicate from your heart.
Go ahead, openyour eyes.
Hello, I'm Clip-Clop.
Let's see who can earn my hoof,shall we?
Francine?
How are you, Mr. Clip-Clop?
Do you likebeing petted?
Will you honor mewith your hoof?
Stan, get the camera!
Okay, Francine,good work.
Stan?
Give me your foot.
It's a hoof and youhave to earn it.
Give me your damn hoof!
You're spooking me!
What the hellare you doing?
I'm playing a role, sir.
What are you doing?
Just a bug, huh?
Filthy insects?
Oh, they'll see.
They'll see the true powerof the bee!
You will be avenged, my sweet!
It's so hard
To say good-bye
To yesterday...
Francine!
I think he's aboutto make a breakthrough.
Stan, Francine is here.
Francine?
I'm here, Stan.
Someone wantsto come in, Stan.
I'm... I'm scared.
Tell him you want to come inand you have a present.
I want to come inand I have a present.
What's thepresent?
Love.
It's love, Stan.
It's love and it's very heavy
and I'd like to come inand put it down.
You can comein, Francine!
You don'even have wipe your feet!
My favorite color is blue.
My lucky number is three, myfavorite movie is The 'Burbs,
and I'm terrifiedof fountains.
They're unnatural.
To force a rainbowangers God.
Oh, Stan!
Now you're sharing, justlike Craig did with Julie.
This is exactlywhat I wanted.
I'm so proud of you.
Are you really scaredof fountains?
Terrified.
The last time I walkedby a public fountain,
It hadn't even provoked me.
I just had a dream where Steveand I were on a boat.
You'll never believewhat happened at work.
The CIA was makinga promotional video
with Tom Selleck.
Nobody saw him, but Iheard he was around.
I like seeing awoman's panty lines.
Oh, and I hatefrozen lemonade.
Who is it that keeps demandingcolder and colder drinks?
Some sort of beverage tyrant,seems like.
This is so great.
I feel like I can tellyou anything, Francine,
even my deepest,darkest secret.
Oh, Stan,if you think you're ready.
Okay.
I know where your friendJulie's husband is.
You do.
Oh, that's great.
She'll be so relieved.
Where is he?
Buried in aconstruction site.
What?
Yeah, I killed him.He's dead.
CIA made me do it.
I killed your bestfriend's husband.
It feels sogood to share.
I feel like a changed man,Francine.
You've turnedthe spigot on
and the secretsare just flowin' out.
You... you really did thatto Julie's husband?
Sure did.
Killed him.
Killed the crapout of him.
But Craig was your friend.
How could you do this?
I had to.
He told Julie everything,
so the CIA designated hima blabbermouth.
That's why they made mestab him in the throat.
Stop, please,just stop talking!
With a potato peeler.
Enough!
Look, I don't want to hearany more of your sharing.
s wrong, okay?
I- I can't bearound you right now.
But the spigot's on,
and once it's onit can't be turned off.
Who am I goingto share with?
Steve?
That ginger-haired bastard'sgot enough problems.
I didn't knowwhat to do,
so I just told everyoneI sat in smelly motor oil.
Julie...you're here.
With Stan.
Francine, younever told me
He reminds me of Craig.
There, there, Julie,I'm sure he's fine.
I can feel it...
...in here.
Honey,
can I talk to you?
How can you buddy upto Julie
after what you didto her husband?
You're the one whowanted me to share.
You said you didn'twant to listen anymore,
so I found someonewho does.
Really, and did you tellyour new best friend
your deep, dark secret?
Are you kidding?
She'd go straightto the CIA.
They'd designate me ablabbermouth, kill me,
grind me up, and mix me intothe local bologna supply.
Not, not that theCIA does that.
You should keepeating bologna.
It's good for you.
She was great.
You guys would have loved her.
She was a queen of the people.
Approachable, yet regal.
And funny.
Is thata beehive?
You got moreof them?
Why the hellwould you do that?
Not becauseyou killed our queen
and I'm buildinga winged army of vengeance.
It's not that.It's not that at all.
It is that.
Roger, I needsome advice.
Sorry, I've gotsomething in my teeth.
Continue.
I don't know what to do.
I don't want Stan sharingwith me anymore because,
well, it's-it's...
it's becomea little disturbing.
Oh, so, tell himyou're done sharing.
I did.
But now he's sharingwith another woman.
Francine, Julie's searchingfor a man
to fill the roleof her missing husband,
and the newtouchy-feely Stan fits.
So, what do I do?
Show her Stan'snot perfect.
As I recall, he's got apeculiar phobia of fountains.
Yeah.
Maybe Julie wouldn't findmy husband so comforting
if she saw himdecapitate auck.
Thanks, Roger.
Finally! Ugh!
Can't tell you how longthat's been in there.
Looks like somesort of skin.
Maybe froma red pepper?
Or a tomato!
Weird, I've never eatena vegetable in my life.
Hey, Julie, Stan wanted meto let you know
that instead of coffeeat our house today,
he wants to meet youat the park instead.
Yeah, by the fountains.
The public water fountains.
Have fun.
Ah. It was apomegranate.
That's what wasin my teeth.
Look at this thing.
Looks like awoman's baby cannon.
I know we're in themiddle of a show,
but that was American Dad's 1,000th vagina joke!
Oh, my God!
Your brand new Cutlass Supremeis waiting outside.
Speech!Speech!
Okay, okay, okay.
Thank you.
Our 1,000th vagina joke.
Gosh, where do I start?
Um, I guess I'd liketo thank vaginas everywhere.
They're creepy, and I don't knowwhat they're for,
but, boy, are they funny!
Thank you!
What the hell is going on?!
Francine!
This is a publicwater fountain!
You're supposedto be freaking out!
I'm sharing all myfears with Jules,
and she's helpingme conquer them.
Hey, I'll get ussome frozen lemonade.
Mmm, sounds delish!
You're-You're drinkingfrozen lemonade now, too?!
Eating. You eat ice.
That's it, Stan!
I'm sick of you spendingevery waking moment with Julie.
Francine, showsome compassion.
Her husbandis missing.
Because you killed him!
Hold thatthought. Hello.
You got it.
Well, Francine,
you can put yourpetty jealousy aside
for a few days.
I got to go to Laos
and take care of anotherblabbermouth, wink-wink.
I think I'll use acorkscrew this time.
Don't tell me any moreof your secrets!
We're both onthe same bike.
See? Seethat, Marty?
That's a realtandem bike.
When are you gonnamake more money?!
Oh. Hi, Julie.
I'm surprisedStan didn't tell you
he's out of townon business.
Oh, he did.
I'm just dropping off
some tangelos forwhen he gets home.
His immune system
gets a little weakwhen he travels.
He was a preemie,you know.
I know that.
Stan tells me about thatevery time we make love,
which is forever!
And besides,shouldn't you be looking
for your missing husband insteadof getting tangelos for mine?
Look, I understandyou're upset
because your relationshipwith Stan isn't all
you want itto be, but,
well, it's not my faulthe tells me everything.
He doesn'ttell you everything.
Trust me, Francine, he-he does.
Trust me, he doesn't.
Oh, I'm prettysure he does.
Did he tell youhe killed your husband?!
Oh, my God!
I'm... I'm so sorry. I...
The-The CIA made him...
I- I wasn't supposed to...
I'm going tothe police!
No! If this getsto the CIA,
they'll kill Stanfor being a blabbermouth!
Then maybe you'll see
what it's like tolose your husband!
I already lost Stan once.
At a flea market.
I won't lose him again.
Sorry I gagged you.
I was gonna gag youwith a spoon.
You know, sort ofan '80s throwback.
But then I thought,who's that for?
Who am I doing that for?
Hey, honey,how's it going?
Oh, fine, fine.
Everything's fine.
What was that?Nothing.
Just killing a ratwith a tambourine.
Well, I was justcalling to check in.
Laos is amazing.
Still haven't found
that blabbermouth,but when I do,
I'm gonna killhim so bad,
death'll throw mean ice cream party.
Stan, maybe all blabbermouthsdon't have to die.
Maybe the CIAcan be reasoned with.
Oh, Francine.
Sweet, naiveFrancine.
That's so stupid.
Stan... there's somethingI have to tell you.
Oh, I got to go.
A delightful monkeyjust took my plum.
It's time.
Stingers at the ready, boys!
Your larvae will sing songsabout what you do here today!
And you who've mockedwill now learn
to respect the power of the bee!
Attack, my minions,armed with your toxin!
Attack!
Oh, you're kidding.
I love you.
Your brother'sweird.
Julie's tied upin the basement?!
Roger, I hadno choice.
Stan's life is in dangerbecause I opened my mouth.
So... how you gonnakill her?
What? I can't kill her!
Well, thenwhat are you gonna do?
Well, I thought
you could use yourpsychological skills
to, I don't know,
convince her notto say anything.
Yeah.
Yeah, I suppose I could.
I understandwhat you're looking for.
A coherent, ethical,compassionate approach
to a complex problem.
You should totallykill yourself.
Only goodfor three shots.
Oh, Stan, thank Godyou're home!
I did somethingterrible.
What happened?
I told Julieyou killed her husband,
and she threatenedto go to the police,
so I knocked her out,
and now she's tied upin the basement with Roger
who's trying to convince herto keep quiet!
Roger?! Does he have a wig on?!
Yes.
Then everything'sgonna be fine.
Don't scare me like that.
What?! Stan, if
the CIA finds outyou blabbed to me,
they'll kill you.
No one's going to die.
Well, Julie's dead.
What are you doing?
I want to die!
Your husband'snot dead!
What?!
Craig isalive?!
Yup. He's in Laos.
Laos?
But you saidyou killed him!
Yeah, that was allan elaborate ruse.
Let me explain.
Oh, God, I can neverfollow these things.
I better take notes.
Okay. It all startedwhen me and Roger...
Who?
Yo.
While you thought Roger and I were working on my issues,
we were actually figuring out a way
to get you to stop badgering me
about all this sharing business.
Our plan was simple.
I would start by telling you a bunch of small,
made-up secrets, thus gaining your trust.
That way you'd believe me when I dropped
the big bomb, asecret so horrific,
that you'dnever ask me
to share anythingwith you ever again.
And it worked brilliantly.
Roger, you werein on all this,
and you were still gonnalet Julie kill herself?
Doctor/patientconfidentiality, Francine.
Or whatever.I don't know.
I don't understand.
If you didn't wantto share your feelings,
why did you spend so much timewith Julie?
I was justdoing Craig a solid.
I was keeping her busy
so that he could slipinto their house
and get all his National Geographics.
The-The man's been collectingNatty G's since '78.
But then,why did you go to Laos?
To visit Craig.
He lives there now with his new wife, Pyong.
Cucumber farmer. Lovely woman.
Doesn't speak a lick of English.
Oh, I got to go.
A delightful monkeyjust took my plum.
Hey! Yay!
He.. Heremarried?
Oh, romantic story.
You ladies willlove this.
She was actuallyon the cover
of one of his National Geographies
when she wasa little girl!
Look, she signed mea copy.
I can't believe hedid such a thing.
Well, what choicedid he have?
Julie was driving him crazywith all the constant sharing.
Some men just can't share.
Like you.
It's just notin your nature.
I guess I'm just nota touchy-feely guy.
I know youaren't, Stan.
And I just haveto accept it.
Orange.
What?
My favorite color is orange.
Oh, Stan.
I love you, too.
What are we goingto do with Julie?
I think I know someonewho can help.
And I didn't think
I was going to getthrough the day,
but then I rememberedwhat you said
about letting goand moving on.
You know what,I ve to stop you.
This has become boring.
I'm gonna be a pretend firemanfor a while.
Synch: Athana