American Dad! (2005–…): Season 2, Episode 11 - American Dream Factory - full transcript
Stan hires a family of Mexican illegal aliens to help launch his new teddy bear business, and Roger gets Steve kicked out of his own garage band.
American Dad!
"American Dream Factory"
Synchro : Fogia
Transcript : Raceman
Attention, everyone.
I have incredible news.
- The war in Iraq is over?
- Better.
We are getting
a Ping-Pong table!
Alma, Alma, wake the kids.
It's finally happened.
In order to have easy access
to the water fountain,
we'll be setting up
our green mistress right...
- here.
- But...
My desk is right here.
Not to worry.
I know just where to put you.
Your cover's been blown?!
Where are you?
I'm sorry, could you repeat that?
You're in What-a-stan?
Worst day. Stupid boss.
Robbery!
Dad, stop!
That's Paco,
Greg and Terry dog-walker.
Sorry honey ,I can't hear you
over the street justice.
Their dog must have gotten off leash
and he was chasing after him.
Thank you Hayley.
Ooh, I must hurry.
If I'm late, Misters Greg and Terry
give me so many pinches.
Whoa, whoa, not so fast, padre.
I still need to see some I.D.
Dad, he doesn't have any.
- He is an unregistered visitor.
- You mean an illegal alien
What happen
to the land of the free?
These people have the right to be here.
People!? They're parasite sucking on
the rich blood of America
And we need that blood to shed for oil.
Your thing looks more interesting.
Out of my way;
I have band practice.
- Ooh, do you think..?
- No.
- But I could...
- No.
Ooh, he shut you down.
What are you gonna do, cry?
No, I'm gonna walk out of here,
'cause I have legs.
Did you know Greg and Terry have
an illegal alien walking their dog?
Isn't it terrible?
I'd be way too incomfortable having some
poor immigrant working for me like that.
Oh, are you done?
I was hoping you'd talk more
about yourself.
Well, aren't you
a grump-asauras?
I'm a grump-asauras rex!
Bullock made me move
my desk to the bathroom.
I'm so sick and tired of that job.
I want to be my own boss.
I want to make so much money
that I can tell people they
can kiss my firm white ass.
That's the American dream.
Today made me realize.
it's time for me
to follow my true destiny.
Oh, no, not this again.
Yes, Francine, "this again."
My holiday Cele-bear-tions!
A different handmade bear
for every holiday.
Look at him.
How cute is he?
Go on, tell him you
don't love him.
He's cute,
but I still have a problem
with the name:
Cele-bear-tion?
It sounds like a cross between
"celibate" and "abortion."
I told you, Francine,
I heard your note,
I considered it,
and I don't agree.
And you've never once gotten them
in stores in time for a holiday.
Ho-ho-ho, merry...
Crap!
Happy Valentine's...
Crap!
Maybe I would have made a holiday
if you'd help me with the sewing,
but no, you have
a phobia of needles.
- Hey, you have a phobia of seagulls.
- A seagull?! Where!
Don't let it touch
me with its feet!
There's no seagull.
Oh...
Anyway, this time
I'm going to do it.
My bears will be on shelves
by May 14th
in time for Mother's Day,
so help me God.
I did it. I finished
the Mother's Day bears.
- It's June.
- Crap!
Maybe now you'll give
this bear thing up.
Never!
Father's Day is the next big holiday.
I just need to hire some help.
Stan, you're sinking an awful
lot of money into this.
It's the American dream, Francine.
Looks like we'll have
to dip into the fund.
- Which one?
- The PDF.
No!
Have a little faith
if you've got the time
I will share the place.
Yeah, it'll be all right
Look up at the sun,
living on the run
Hello?
That's awesome! Thanks!
Good news, guys.
We've just been asked to perform
at this year's Langley Falls
Fourth of July Festival.
Steve and The Asstones
are on our way!
Gerry, what are you doing?
Nothing, man.
We told you no drugs.
And I told you
if I was responsible,
I wouldn't be in a band
with a bunch of 14-year-olds.
Two hours, seven minutes,
not bad.
And your r?sum? looks good.
Six months as a receipt-checker
at Best Buy.
That was a super hard job.
I'm sure, I'm sure.
You're hired.
I'll pay you $4.50 an hour
and all the Mr. Pibb you can drink.
No, that's not how
it works, man.
Minimum wage is $7.00 an hour.
I'll also need health insurance,
two-weeks-paid vacation,
sick days, pension fund.
They gave you all that
at Best Buy?
I can't afford to do that.
Hello, Father.
You remember Paco.
What the hell is going on?
We're dating now,
because Paco is a person,
not a parasite sucking on
the blood of America.
Mas lengua.
Mas lengua.
That means "more tongue."
No daughter of mine
is dating an illegal alien.
You're dead to me.
Wow!
"Paco" must be Mexican
for "lightning hands."
How'd you like to come work for me?
I'll pay you $2.00 an hour
and all the Mr. Pibb
you can drink...
maximum two a day.
At Best Buy, we had
a slushie machine.
Why don't you just marry Best Buy
if you love it so much?!
Great job, Paco.
I might just make a holiday yet.
Then I'll have kiss-my-ass money.
- This is outrageous!
- Kiss my ass Hayley!
It's already working.
Dude, that rocked!
Who are you?!
I'm Krispy Kreme McDonalds.
My Krispy Kreme mama got raped
by my McDonalds daddy.
What are you doing?
I don't have any bones in my arms,
which makes me a natural on the drums.
Plus, I love music, Steve.
I can't live without my jams.
I got to rock it, got to rock it!
Got to do it!
If you don't know,
now you know.
Forget it. I think we should
go with our first choice,
Toshi's sister Akiko.
Whoo! I'm thirsty
from rocking it so hard.
Who wants a Smirnoff Ice
and some bootleg Ukrainian porn?
All in favor of making Krispy Kreme
McDonalds our new drummer?
Mr. Smith, we've sold out
of your adorable bears.
Yes! I knew it!
You're over, Paddington!
So take your little rain slicker and
your little boots and go die in alley!
Do you have any more bears?
Unfortunately, no,
but I do have this-- Paco!
A prototype for my next
holiy Cele-bear-tion.
I love him!
I'll take a thousand.
And another thousand
to sell in my store!
It's happening!
I'm finally making my dream come true!
We're gonna need help
to fill an order that big.
- Do you have any relatives?
- No, I'm an only child.
I'm kidding!
I'm Mexican!
Ah, the sweet sound of illegals working
for pennies on the dollar.
Stan, could you help me
bring the groceries in?
Sure.
Paco!
Tell number 14 and number eight
to go upstairs and help my wife.
Oh, no, Stan,
that's not their job.
No, it's your job,
but they're gonna help you.
Oh, Stan,
I almost forgot.
- Patty LaBelle's here to see you.
- What?
At first I thought
it was Aretha Franklin,
but then she said she wasn't.
Ms. LaBelle, Stan Smith.
I love R&B music.
I consider the whole genre
one long song.
Darling, I'm here because
I'm a big fan of your bears.
A friend showed me one,
and honey,
Miss Patty just loved 'em.
I would like to sell them
on my shopping network show.
Will you be able to hold us both up
if I add my legs to this hug?
Unload those in the kitchen.
Perishables in the fridge,
dry goods in the pantry.
Ms. LaBelle, are you thirsty?
Esperanza, get Patti LaBelle
a Calistoga!
And if we could walk away...
Going down Sunset Boulevard.
Hack...
Hacky.
- Hack and The Hacktones.
- Oh, yeah?
Well, let's hear one of your songs.
La-la-la...
La...
La...
You got nothing.
This is my band,
so we're gonna do what I want.
If you don't' like it,
we've got Akiko waiting in the wings.
Whoo, Stan,
isn't he just adorable?!
- That he is, Patti.
- Stan?
Did you know that in some countries
the bear is considered a demigod?
No, I didn't, Patti.
Did you know that in the gay community
a hairy man is also known as a "bear."
Uh...
No.
Well, Stan, it looks like we have a
special guest with us in the studio today.
Ooh, it's Oscar.
He's a huge fan of your bears.
In fact, maybe the love of one
of your bears will heal him.
Ooh, praise Jesus!
The bear gave him the confidence
to try and fail.
Did he fail because our viewers
didn't buy enough bears?
Yes, he says yes.
I still can't believe it,
over 100,000 orders.
Our dream is finally
coming true.
Why are they throwing
tortilla chips in front of you?
Because it makes me
feel like a princess.
What's this? You were supposed
to be working all night.
Where's Paco?
Get up!
What's going on?
Sorry, Se?or Smith.
- I was out late with Hayley.
- You have a big future here, Paco.
In ten years, you could be
making five bucks an hour
and be up to seven Pibbs a day.
Siete Se?or Pibbs por dia?!
- Siete Senor Pibbs?!
- Por dia?!
S?, s?, por dia!
What are you doing?
Rehearsal doesn't start for three hours.
Steve, good, you're here;
I meant to call you.
How do I put this?
You're out of the band.
What?!
We decided to go in a different
direction and voted you out.
We're now Krispy Kreme McDonalds'
Jamtastic Roller Boogie Prawn Experience.
But we're supposed to play
the July Fourth festival.
Yeah, the Prawn Experience
also booked that gig.
See? We go on right before you
and your nonexistent Asstones.
Yeah, well, what kind of music
do you play?
We cover public domain songs--
"Camp Town Races,"
"Baa, Baa, Black Sheep."
We got over a hundred hits already.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I'm going to tell you about
a little place I know...
Little place
called London Bridge.
It's falling down!
Hayley, I'm here because
of your father.
He said I was spending
too much time with you
and not focusing enough
on my career.
So, I must break up with you.
What?! No!
I let you give me a mole frijole.
That's the most intimate thing a white
woman can give a Mexican man.
I have to get back to work.
- I'm sorry.
- Yeah, you will be sorry.
Mom, Roger stole my band.
Oh, that's awful.
You must need a hug.
Consuela!
Eres un buen ni?o.
Todo esta bien, mijo.
Stan Smith.
Agent Hopkins, INS.
We received a report that
you're harboring illegal aliens.
So, INS, huh?
I'm a CIA man myself.
I suppose that kind of
makes us brothers.
My brother died in a car crash
when I was 11.
Cars.
Well, no sign of any illegals.
That anonymous tip we got
was clearly bogus.
Really?
Why don't you check
the basement, officers?
There s a whole
sweatshop down there.
Where'd they all go?!
I don't know what you did,
but I am not going to let you...
Sorry again for
wasting your time.
Please, don't give it another...
Oh, you don't have to pick that up.
Inez will... I mean, Maria...
No, no, Elizabeth!
Ms. Elizabeth Protestant-England
will get it.
She is our white legal maid.
Right. Right.
I'll be seeing you around,
Agent Smith.
He's onto us.
They'll be back.
What are we going to do?
I have to get those bears
shipped out by tomorrow.
They're going to have to work
all night to finish them.
Well, they can't work here.
The fuzz is crawling
all over this joint.
There's an old CIA
warehouse downtown.
I can move the workers there.
I can sneak them out later tonight.
Just be careful, Stan, and keep moving.
If you stop for more than five minutes,
they'll have a barbecue.
Thanks for helping me sneak
the Mexicans out, Steve.
The INS has been watching
this place all day.
Well, I didn't have anything else to do.
My band was supposed to perform
in the festival tonight.
I really just don't want to be alone.
Steve, you see that button right there?
That rolls up the window.
Push it, so we don't have to do...
this anymore.
All right, we're in the clear.
Something wrong with your car,
Agent Smith?
Yes, we couldn't get it started.
Carl...
Fix Agent Smith's car
so that it will start.
Who are the Mexicans, Stan?
Oh. Oh, uh, they're... uh...
they're-they're
in my son's band.
They're playing the festival
this evening.
May I see their papers?
Okay, you got me.
These people aren't legal.
Let me just have them for tonight
so my son can play with his band.
Fine. They can sing in the festival.
But only because that is what I want.
Now, if you will all get into your van,
we will escort you there.
No, no escort will be necessary.
Necessary?
A pleasure.
I'll enjoy some music and take them in
after their performance.
Afterwards, I'll probably just finish up
paperwork at the office
and answer e-mails.
- Jimmy crack!
- Crack!
- Jim crack corn! Jimmy crack!
- Crack!
- Jim crack corn! Jimmy crack!
- Crack!
- Jim crack corn! Jimmy crack!
- Crack!
- Jim crack corn! Jimmy crack!
Stan, what are you doing?
You're supposed to be at the warehouse.
The INS was waiting for us,
so I lied and said the Mexicans
were in Steve's band.
And now I don't know how we're
going to get out of here...
Wait, what are you doing here?
I don't know, I usually
just do what you do.
And I don't care!
Yeah!
See, Steve,
what just happened was I saw a million
faces and I rocked them all.
Follow that, bitch.
Next up: Steve and the Asstones!
Here's what we do:
after they finish singing,
we sneak the Mexicans out
and drive like hell to the warehouse.
We lock ourselves in until
they finish the bears,
then we turn them over to the INS.
Yes, uh-huh, I'm with you.
They get deported, and we buy our way
out of trouble, because we'll be rich.
Plus, we're white.
And I'm blonde, the best kind of white.
Uh, you guys know any english song?
There is one
song we know.
Hello, Father.
Wondering how I escaped
from the basement?
- No, not really.
- Oh.
But it involved training rats.
Hello, everyone.
We got a real treat for you tonight.
Paco and his family here
used to sing this song back
back in Mexico while dreaming
of coming to America.
Almost heaven
West Virginia
Blue Ridge mountains
Shenandoah River
Country roads,
take me home
To the place...
I belong
West Virginia
Mountain mama
Take me home
Country roads
My God, listen to them sing
about America.
They aren't parasites,
they're people.
Paco and his family feel lucky
just to be in this country.
All we do is take it for granted,
and they're willing to work
in my basement for soda...
soda that I watered down.
It's not about having kiss-my-ass money,
it's about being here in the
greatest country in the world.
That's the American dream, Francine.
Okay.
But can I just have one
to help me with the laundry?
There's just so much laundry, Stan.
I'm a hypocrite, too, Dad.
I used Paco to get at you,
then try to throw him away
by calling INS.
You heartless bitch...
I'm kidding.
We can't let INS take them.
We need to cause a distraction
so we can sneak them out.
Are you sure?
- You'd be giving up your dream.
- I'm sure.
Country roads,
take me home
To the place...
I belong
West Virginia.
- Mountain mama
- Mamacita
Take me home
Country roads.
We're Steve and the Ass-Tonos!
Who wants a free holiday bear?
There it is, Paco.
Sweet freedom.
Look, Ma, Mexicans.
Like the fast mouse in
them Bugs Bunny cartoons.
I like beans and such.
Synchro : Fogia
Transcript : Raceman
"American Dream Factory"
Synchro : Fogia
Transcript : Raceman
Attention, everyone.
I have incredible news.
- The war in Iraq is over?
- Better.
We are getting
a Ping-Pong table!
Alma, Alma, wake the kids.
It's finally happened.
In order to have easy access
to the water fountain,
we'll be setting up
our green mistress right...
- here.
- But...
My desk is right here.
Not to worry.
I know just where to put you.
Your cover's been blown?!
Where are you?
I'm sorry, could you repeat that?
You're in What-a-stan?
Worst day. Stupid boss.
Robbery!
Dad, stop!
That's Paco,
Greg and Terry dog-walker.
Sorry honey ,I can't hear you
over the street justice.
Their dog must have gotten off leash
and he was chasing after him.
Thank you Hayley.
Ooh, I must hurry.
If I'm late, Misters Greg and Terry
give me so many pinches.
Whoa, whoa, not so fast, padre.
I still need to see some I.D.
Dad, he doesn't have any.
- He is an unregistered visitor.
- You mean an illegal alien
What happen
to the land of the free?
These people have the right to be here.
People!? They're parasite sucking on
the rich blood of America
And we need that blood to shed for oil.
Your thing looks more interesting.
Out of my way;
I have band practice.
- Ooh, do you think..?
- No.
- But I could...
- No.
Ooh, he shut you down.
What are you gonna do, cry?
No, I'm gonna walk out of here,
'cause I have legs.
Did you know Greg and Terry have
an illegal alien walking their dog?
Isn't it terrible?
I'd be way too incomfortable having some
poor immigrant working for me like that.
Oh, are you done?
I was hoping you'd talk more
about yourself.
Well, aren't you
a grump-asauras?
I'm a grump-asauras rex!
Bullock made me move
my desk to the bathroom.
I'm so sick and tired of that job.
I want to be my own boss.
I want to make so much money
that I can tell people they
can kiss my firm white ass.
That's the American dream.
Today made me realize.
it's time for me
to follow my true destiny.
Oh, no, not this again.
Yes, Francine, "this again."
My holiday Cele-bear-tions!
A different handmade bear
for every holiday.
Look at him.
How cute is he?
Go on, tell him you
don't love him.
He's cute,
but I still have a problem
with the name:
Cele-bear-tion?
It sounds like a cross between
"celibate" and "abortion."
I told you, Francine,
I heard your note,
I considered it,
and I don't agree.
And you've never once gotten them
in stores in time for a holiday.
Ho-ho-ho, merry...
Crap!
Happy Valentine's...
Crap!
Maybe I would have made a holiday
if you'd help me with the sewing,
but no, you have
a phobia of needles.
- Hey, you have a phobia of seagulls.
- A seagull?! Where!
Don't let it touch
me with its feet!
There's no seagull.
Oh...
Anyway, this time
I'm going to do it.
My bears will be on shelves
by May 14th
in time for Mother's Day,
so help me God.
I did it. I finished
the Mother's Day bears.
- It's June.
- Crap!
Maybe now you'll give
this bear thing up.
Never!
Father's Day is the next big holiday.
I just need to hire some help.
Stan, you're sinking an awful
lot of money into this.
It's the American dream, Francine.
Looks like we'll have
to dip into the fund.
- Which one?
- The PDF.
No!
Have a little faith
if you've got the time
I will share the place.
Yeah, it'll be all right
Look up at the sun,
living on the run
Hello?
That's awesome! Thanks!
Good news, guys.
We've just been asked to perform
at this year's Langley Falls
Fourth of July Festival.
Steve and The Asstones
are on our way!
Gerry, what are you doing?
Nothing, man.
We told you no drugs.
And I told you
if I was responsible,
I wouldn't be in a band
with a bunch of 14-year-olds.
Two hours, seven minutes,
not bad.
And your r?sum? looks good.
Six months as a receipt-checker
at Best Buy.
That was a super hard job.
I'm sure, I'm sure.
You're hired.
I'll pay you $4.50 an hour
and all the Mr. Pibb you can drink.
No, that's not how
it works, man.
Minimum wage is $7.00 an hour.
I'll also need health insurance,
two-weeks-paid vacation,
sick days, pension fund.
They gave you all that
at Best Buy?
I can't afford to do that.
Hello, Father.
You remember Paco.
What the hell is going on?
We're dating now,
because Paco is a person,
not a parasite sucking on
the blood of America.
Mas lengua.
Mas lengua.
That means "more tongue."
No daughter of mine
is dating an illegal alien.
You're dead to me.
Wow!
"Paco" must be Mexican
for "lightning hands."
How'd you like to come work for me?
I'll pay you $2.00 an hour
and all the Mr. Pibb
you can drink...
maximum two a day.
At Best Buy, we had
a slushie machine.
Why don't you just marry Best Buy
if you love it so much?!
Great job, Paco.
I might just make a holiday yet.
Then I'll have kiss-my-ass money.
- This is outrageous!
- Kiss my ass Hayley!
It's already working.
Dude, that rocked!
Who are you?!
I'm Krispy Kreme McDonalds.
My Krispy Kreme mama got raped
by my McDonalds daddy.
What are you doing?
I don't have any bones in my arms,
which makes me a natural on the drums.
Plus, I love music, Steve.
I can't live without my jams.
I got to rock it, got to rock it!
Got to do it!
If you don't know,
now you know.
Forget it. I think we should
go with our first choice,
Toshi's sister Akiko.
Whoo! I'm thirsty
from rocking it so hard.
Who wants a Smirnoff Ice
and some bootleg Ukrainian porn?
All in favor of making Krispy Kreme
McDonalds our new drummer?
Mr. Smith, we've sold out
of your adorable bears.
Yes! I knew it!
You're over, Paddington!
So take your little rain slicker and
your little boots and go die in alley!
Do you have any more bears?
Unfortunately, no,
but I do have this-- Paco!
A prototype for my next
holiy Cele-bear-tion.
I love him!
I'll take a thousand.
And another thousand
to sell in my store!
It's happening!
I'm finally making my dream come true!
We're gonna need help
to fill an order that big.
- Do you have any relatives?
- No, I'm an only child.
I'm kidding!
I'm Mexican!
Ah, the sweet sound of illegals working
for pennies on the dollar.
Stan, could you help me
bring the groceries in?
Sure.
Paco!
Tell number 14 and number eight
to go upstairs and help my wife.
Oh, no, Stan,
that's not their job.
No, it's your job,
but they're gonna help you.
Oh, Stan,
I almost forgot.
- Patty LaBelle's here to see you.
- What?
At first I thought
it was Aretha Franklin,
but then she said she wasn't.
Ms. LaBelle, Stan Smith.
I love R&B music.
I consider the whole genre
one long song.
Darling, I'm here because
I'm a big fan of your bears.
A friend showed me one,
and honey,
Miss Patty just loved 'em.
I would like to sell them
on my shopping network show.
Will you be able to hold us both up
if I add my legs to this hug?
Unload those in the kitchen.
Perishables in the fridge,
dry goods in the pantry.
Ms. LaBelle, are you thirsty?
Esperanza, get Patti LaBelle
a Calistoga!
And if we could walk away...
Going down Sunset Boulevard.
Hack...
Hacky.
- Hack and The Hacktones.
- Oh, yeah?
Well, let's hear one of your songs.
La-la-la...
La...
La...
You got nothing.
This is my band,
so we're gonna do what I want.
If you don't' like it,
we've got Akiko waiting in the wings.
Whoo, Stan,
isn't he just adorable?!
- That he is, Patti.
- Stan?
Did you know that in some countries
the bear is considered a demigod?
No, I didn't, Patti.
Did you know that in the gay community
a hairy man is also known as a "bear."
Uh...
No.
Well, Stan, it looks like we have a
special guest with us in the studio today.
Ooh, it's Oscar.
He's a huge fan of your bears.
In fact, maybe the love of one
of your bears will heal him.
Ooh, praise Jesus!
The bear gave him the confidence
to try and fail.
Did he fail because our viewers
didn't buy enough bears?
Yes, he says yes.
I still can't believe it,
over 100,000 orders.
Our dream is finally
coming true.
Why are they throwing
tortilla chips in front of you?
Because it makes me
feel like a princess.
What's this? You were supposed
to be working all night.
Where's Paco?
Get up!
What's going on?
Sorry, Se?or Smith.
- I was out late with Hayley.
- You have a big future here, Paco.
In ten years, you could be
making five bucks an hour
and be up to seven Pibbs a day.
Siete Se?or Pibbs por dia?!
- Siete Senor Pibbs?!
- Por dia?!
S?, s?, por dia!
What are you doing?
Rehearsal doesn't start for three hours.
Steve, good, you're here;
I meant to call you.
How do I put this?
You're out of the band.
What?!
We decided to go in a different
direction and voted you out.
We're now Krispy Kreme McDonalds'
Jamtastic Roller Boogie Prawn Experience.
But we're supposed to play
the July Fourth festival.
Yeah, the Prawn Experience
also booked that gig.
See? We go on right before you
and your nonexistent Asstones.
Yeah, well, what kind of music
do you play?
We cover public domain songs--
"Camp Town Races,"
"Baa, Baa, Black Sheep."
We got over a hundred hits already.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I'm going to tell you about
a little place I know...
Little place
called London Bridge.
It's falling down!
Hayley, I'm here because
of your father.
He said I was spending
too much time with you
and not focusing enough
on my career.
So, I must break up with you.
What?! No!
I let you give me a mole frijole.
That's the most intimate thing a white
woman can give a Mexican man.
I have to get back to work.
- I'm sorry.
- Yeah, you will be sorry.
Mom, Roger stole my band.
Oh, that's awful.
You must need a hug.
Consuela!
Eres un buen ni?o.
Todo esta bien, mijo.
Stan Smith.
Agent Hopkins, INS.
We received a report that
you're harboring illegal aliens.
So, INS, huh?
I'm a CIA man myself.
I suppose that kind of
makes us brothers.
My brother died in a car crash
when I was 11.
Cars.
Well, no sign of any illegals.
That anonymous tip we got
was clearly bogus.
Really?
Why don't you check
the basement, officers?
There s a whole
sweatshop down there.
Where'd they all go?!
I don't know what you did,
but I am not going to let you...
Sorry again for
wasting your time.
Please, don't give it another...
Oh, you don't have to pick that up.
Inez will... I mean, Maria...
No, no, Elizabeth!
Ms. Elizabeth Protestant-England
will get it.
She is our white legal maid.
Right. Right.
I'll be seeing you around,
Agent Smith.
He's onto us.
They'll be back.
What are we going to do?
I have to get those bears
shipped out by tomorrow.
They're going to have to work
all night to finish them.
Well, they can't work here.
The fuzz is crawling
all over this joint.
There's an old CIA
warehouse downtown.
I can move the workers there.
I can sneak them out later tonight.
Just be careful, Stan, and keep moving.
If you stop for more than five minutes,
they'll have a barbecue.
Thanks for helping me sneak
the Mexicans out, Steve.
The INS has been watching
this place all day.
Well, I didn't have anything else to do.
My band was supposed to perform
in the festival tonight.
I really just don't want to be alone.
Steve, you see that button right there?
That rolls up the window.
Push it, so we don't have to do...
this anymore.
All right, we're in the clear.
Something wrong with your car,
Agent Smith?
Yes, we couldn't get it started.
Carl...
Fix Agent Smith's car
so that it will start.
Who are the Mexicans, Stan?
Oh. Oh, uh, they're... uh...
they're-they're
in my son's band.
They're playing the festival
this evening.
May I see their papers?
Okay, you got me.
These people aren't legal.
Let me just have them for tonight
so my son can play with his band.
Fine. They can sing in the festival.
But only because that is what I want.
Now, if you will all get into your van,
we will escort you there.
No, no escort will be necessary.
Necessary?
A pleasure.
I'll enjoy some music and take them in
after their performance.
Afterwards, I'll probably just finish up
paperwork at the office
and answer e-mails.
- Jimmy crack!
- Crack!
- Jim crack corn! Jimmy crack!
- Crack!
- Jim crack corn! Jimmy crack!
- Crack!
- Jim crack corn! Jimmy crack!
- Crack!
- Jim crack corn! Jimmy crack!
Stan, what are you doing?
You're supposed to be at the warehouse.
The INS was waiting for us,
so I lied and said the Mexicans
were in Steve's band.
And now I don't know how we're
going to get out of here...
Wait, what are you doing here?
I don't know, I usually
just do what you do.
And I don't care!
Yeah!
See, Steve,
what just happened was I saw a million
faces and I rocked them all.
Follow that, bitch.
Next up: Steve and the Asstones!
Here's what we do:
after they finish singing,
we sneak the Mexicans out
and drive like hell to the warehouse.
We lock ourselves in until
they finish the bears,
then we turn them over to the INS.
Yes, uh-huh, I'm with you.
They get deported, and we buy our way
out of trouble, because we'll be rich.
Plus, we're white.
And I'm blonde, the best kind of white.
Uh, you guys know any english song?
There is one
song we know.
Hello, Father.
Wondering how I escaped
from the basement?
- No, not really.
- Oh.
But it involved training rats.
Hello, everyone.
We got a real treat for you tonight.
Paco and his family here
used to sing this song back
back in Mexico while dreaming
of coming to America.
Almost heaven
West Virginia
Blue Ridge mountains
Shenandoah River
Country roads,
take me home
To the place...
I belong
West Virginia
Mountain mama
Take me home
Country roads
My God, listen to them sing
about America.
They aren't parasites,
they're people.
Paco and his family feel lucky
just to be in this country.
All we do is take it for granted,
and they're willing to work
in my basement for soda...
soda that I watered down.
It's not about having kiss-my-ass money,
it's about being here in the
greatest country in the world.
That's the American dream, Francine.
Okay.
But can I just have one
to help me with the laundry?
There's just so much laundry, Stan.
I'm a hypocrite, too, Dad.
I used Paco to get at you,
then try to throw him away
by calling INS.
You heartless bitch...
I'm kidding.
We can't let INS take them.
We need to cause a distraction
so we can sneak them out.
Are you sure?
- You'd be giving up your dream.
- I'm sure.
Country roads,
take me home
To the place...
I belong
West Virginia.
- Mountain mama
- Mamacita
Take me home
Country roads.
We're Steve and the Ass-Tonos!
Who wants a free holiday bear?
There it is, Paco.
Sweet freedom.
Look, Ma, Mexicans.
Like the fast mouse in
them Bugs Bunny cartoons.
I like beans and such.
Synchro : Fogia
Transcript : Raceman