American Dad! (2005–…): Season 13, Episode 9 - The Never-Ending Stories - full transcript
Stan finds the CIA Academy cadets the perfect captive audience for his boring stories; Klaus becomes the hype-man for a famous rapper.
Ah, the lunch room.
Where the natural order of a school
is put on display.
For it is here that everything
has its place.
At the head table
are the kings of the lunch room -
the football players.
They've already gotten more
blow jobs than we'll ever get.
The cheerleaders are next.
Upon graduation, they will shed
their pom poms and emerge
as dental hygienists.
Next, it's the drama kids.
Oh, so gross that they're always
touching each other.
Then the Goth kids,
guys with no personality
who always wear basketball shorts,
the robots pretending to be kids,
then it's the dweebs,
the nerds, the dorks,
Bolivian kids,
and finally we arrive at our table.
Hey, that's not us!
Excuse me, gentlemen,
this is our table.
Oh, really?
And what group are you guys?
We are...
Er...
That's what I thought.
From now on, this table belongs to
the left-handed kids.
We don't have a thing.
We don't have a table.
We...
No!
Hey, man, would you like to join us
over at the table for kids
who overreact to things?
Really?
Psych!
We're the little stinker table
and you've just been goofed!
# Good morning, USA
# I got a feeling that
it's gonna be a wonderful day
# The sun in the sky
has a smile on its face
# And he's shining a salute
to the American race
# Oh, boy, it's swell to say
# Good morning, USA
# Good morning USA! #
Come on, Steve, there's gotta be
a place we can eat.
How about where the kid who died
had his locker?
That hallway's haunted.
The kids who do those
ghost-hunters YouTubes
are devoting an
entire webisode to it.
I think I heard something.
Do you feel a presence?
Yes, it was definitely a ghost.
He peed all over my pants.
This isn't just about where we eat.
It's about what holds us together.
What's our brand?
Snot, you are poor.
None of us are poor.
Toshi is Japanese.
None of us are even Asian.
And Barry...
Barry has a true warmth of heart
that none of us can come close to.
Thanks for not saying fat.
Look where you're going, loser.
Hey, that could be our thing.
We're all losers.
No way. He's a loser.
You're a dumbass, he's a bum,
and he's from somewhere else.
The only thing you guys
have in common
is that you asses are about
to be grasses.
Get those unrelated kids!
Oh!
Go away, we're closed!
I'm sorry, I just need...
Didn't you hear me... Oh, hi, Steve.
Roger?
My name's Twanderlust Lumpkin.
And this is my house of curiosities.
Why did you open this weird shop
full of stuff
no one would ever want?
You're the one who came in here.
I was running from bullies.
What's that smell?
Mould.
So, bullies, huh?
Maybe you could use something
from my shop.
Let's see. This thing looks like
a big shield or something.
Maybe that would help to, like,
block stuff?
And this is some sort of
pewter dragon statue.
You could throw it at them?
What is this stuff?
What's this book?
No! This book is not for you.
In it are contained all
the solutions to your problems.
With it, every fear you've ever had
would melt away.
Hopes would be fulfilled,
dreams would become reality.
Growers will become showers.
You do not want this book.
PHONE CHIMES
Oh, my meatball hoagie's
ready next door.
The sandwiches are meh,
but the cutest guy named Prescott
makes them.
I'm totally crushing on him.
Right now I'm playing it cool,
just making little jokes like,
"The clam chowder looks like
a bowl of sperms."
Do you think I'm being too coy
or should I turn up the heat?
While I'm gone, don't think about
that book, Steve.
Don't think...
about...
that...
book.
The Art Of Witchcraft?
These pages are blank.
Well, I'm back and it could not
have gone better.
Prescott and I had full and complete
sex beneath the meat slicer.
Steve?
Oh, nobody's here to hear my lie.
Mom, this is the best funnel cake
I have ever had.
You should sell funnel cakes.
I don't know.
You gots the goods, Ma.
You're right. I'm gonna do it!
I'm gonna take these funnel cakes
and make something of myself!
Don't tell me
what you're talking about
because I'm going
to the hardware store
and I want no distractions.
Oh, Stan, I'd love to go with you,
but I'm pretty hard at work.
Not interested, Klaus.
WXIU's '90s Fest is coming up
and I'm making a list of all the
'90s bands I hope might be there.
All the bands from the '90s sucked.
What about Marcy Playground?
Holy crap! I straight up forgot
about Marcy Playground.
They sang Sex And Candy.
Who else is on there?
Offspring, Candlebox.
Oh, man, so many memories.
Two memories.
Gentlemen, our days of being pushed
around have come to an end.
This is a book of magic spells.
I stole it from a weird curio shop.
Steve, magic's not real.
If it was, the Orlando Magic would
have won a championship by now.
Snot, you follow basketball?
I watch the finals.
Listen, all I know is when
I opened the book,
it wrote words in front of my eyes.
Look!
THEY GASP
That's right, Tosh.
We've found our brand.
We're gonna be witches and I've
already picked out our first spell.
"To return that which
has been lost."
The respect people used to have
for air travel?
We used to wear suits, god damn it!
No.
We're going to get
our lunch table back.
I guess it's worth a shot.
OK, the book doesn't say
to hold hands.
But it doesn't say not to.
Goddess of witches, hear our plea.
We're just four boys in a tree.
Please, Mistress Magic,
if you're able,
return to us our luncheon table!
OK, that's that.
I guess we find out tomorrow
if it worked.
Oh, no, our magic didn't work!
It's OK, Steve,
it was a stupid idea anyway.
I appreciate you trying to cast
another spell, Tosh,
but it's useless.
Hey, he caught that
with his right hand.
What the...?
What's happening to me?
I believe you're sitting
at our table.
Who... Who are you?
We're witches.
THEY SCREAM
HE SNIFFS
Witchcraft.
The dread hour is upon us.
Time to hunt.
Is that a half-eaten roll
of raw cookie dough?
What was going on with me last time
I was in this
witch-hunter's cabinet?
I gotta admit, Steve,
I didn't think becoming a boy witch
would be so immediately rewarding.
Now that we know it works,
the only question is,
what spell do we cast next?
Here's a spell to
give someone warts.
Here's a spell that cures
all cancer.
Hmm. The boys at Big Pharma
would not be happy
if this little secret got out.
Oh, check out the back section.
Blood magic.
These spells are really dark.
This one just says pure evil.
Anow nathruck outhvas.
THEY SCREAM
I don't like blood magic.
Yeah, Steve, maybe we shouldn't mess
with any of this.
What if we agree to take blood magic
off the table
and only use our powers
to help people?
We'll be good boy witches.
# I heat up
I can't cool down
# You got me spinning... #
So cool, so confident.
Why can't you be confident
like that?!
That's what I want for you!
You have so much potential!
# Every time you call my name
# I heat up like a burning flame
# Burning flame full of desire
# Kiss me, baby
Let the fire get higher
# Abra abracadabra
# I wanna reach out and grab ya
# Abra abracadabra
# Abracadabra
# You make me hot
You make me sigh
# You make me laugh
You make me cry
# Keep me burning for your love
# With the touch of a velvet glove
# Abra abracadabra
# I wanna reach out and grab ya
# Abra abracadabra... #
It sure has, Toshi, my friend.
Hey, I understand Tosh!
Oh, cool.
Boys, I think it's time to upgrade
our position in the lunch room.
But we just got our table back.
Yeah, but we're witches now.
We shouldn't be sitting
at the worst table in the...
Worst table? It's right by
the garbage and the bathrooms.
What is wrong with you?
Marshall, my good man.
How's your day going?
Can I hook you guys up
with some butterflies?
Dude, you have ten seconds to get
the heck away from this table.
Marsh, it's good, we're witches now.
You know the old saying,
quarterbacks, witches,
the rest be bitches.
All right, squeeze it in. Nothing
wrong with a little thigh to thigh.
There aren't enough butterflies
in the world
to make you cool enough
to sit with us.
In fact, there's fewer and fewer
butterflies every year, nerd!
LAUGHTER
Embarrass me in front of everyone.
You'll pay for this,
stupid Marshall.
He's not stupid, Steve,
he's the Federation
of Christian Athletes'
scholar baller of the month.
Don't you listen
to the announcements?
Hello, pod listeners.
This is our brand-new podcast
where we remember bands
from the '90s.
That's right. Billy C was in the
White House,
Frasier packed up his stuff and
moved from Bean Town to Seattle
and no one could escape
the sounds of bands like...
Better Than Ezra.
Cowboy Junkies.
Spin Doctors.
Toad The Wet Sprocket.
Who would you say is your favourite
'90s band to remember
with the word "soul" in their name?
Asylum, Coughing or Collective?
Easy, Collective.
Collective Soul.
I love remembering Collective Soul.
What's up, my witches?
What happened to your hair?
And why are you with him?
Marshall decided to quit football
and become a boy witch.
I realised I wanted to be
a cool witch
like Steve, my master.
See? Nothing weird.
When did Marshall's eyes
get milky like a blind guy?
You used blood magic on him!
You broke our hand-hold promise.
What's wrong with you?
Marshall disrespected us
and I taught him some respect.
We should be running this school.
We should be running this town.
You're out of control, Steve.
We only got into this
so we'd have a place to eat.
A place to eat?!
We should be able to eat
wherever we want
and however we want.
Marshall, churro.
We could have the whole town
chewing our food.
Steve, if you don't stop this
right now,
we will force you to stop.
You can stop me
but you've got to
stop Marshall first.
Bye-bye, boys.
HE ROARS
Pretty cool, huh?
On one hand, thank you.
On the other,
you just murdered a student!
That wasn't a student.
That was a zombie created
by blood magic.
I know, for I am of a line of
witch hunters entrusted
to protect this school.
I'll find whoever made this demon
and when I do,
I'm gonna crossbow his ass.
If you wanna keep
your asses un-crossbowed,
you stay away from blood magic.
Cos blood magic is dud magic.
Oh, my God, we've got to find Steve
before Lewis does.
Alert the Federation
of Christian Athletes.
Their scholar baller is dead.
Marshall is no more.
We must find a successor.
Guys, please be open to
defensive players.
They don't all have
to be quarterbacks.
Hey, no kids.
Go away. Read the sign.
Actually, we have a friend
that came in here recently.
His name is Steve Smith.
Impossible. If that book
were missing, I'd know.
It's the shop's most priceless item.
That's why I keep it
in the most visible...
Huh! What? How? It's gone!
Oh, no, now I have nothing
to put on this podium.
Wait, the pewter dragon.
Perfect. Problem solved.
That was the dragon, wasn't it?
We used the book and it worked.
But then all the power went
straight to Steve's head.
When you're older,
I'll show you where the power
goes straight to on me.
Sorry, I interrupted you.
Please continue.
Anyway, simple magic wasn't enough.
Steve turned to using blood magic.
Ah, crap! The guy I franchised
this place from
said he'd yank my franchise if
I ever let anyone use blood magic
in this franchise.
We've got to save my franchise.
He said he was going to use it
to enslave the whole town.
And we don't even know where he is!
OK, let's think.
If I were a whole town,
where would I be?
To '90s Fest!
Who is pumped for '90s Fest?!
CHEERING
We're Stan and Klaus, but you know
that from our podcast!
The '90s were great.
They had bands like...
Luscious Jackson.
Blind Melon.
Alice In Chains.
Veruca Salt.
None of those bands
will be here today.
So let's hear the name of a band
that is here.
Semisonic!
CHEERING
You guys go right
and look for Steve.
I'll take the left.
Don't doubt it, we must act fast.
You got it!
Oh, my God, she did it.
She said she was gonna do it and
she went out and did it like a boss.
Shit, I gotta support.
# Closing time... #
I don't see him!
Old lady of witchcraft,
put air in my scrote
and allow this humble witch
to float.
Float, float.
There he is.
He doesn't even look like him.
Blood magic has taken over.
Hey, man, we're trying to play
Closing Time.
People of Langley,
your lives as you know them
are now over.
Boo!
Put back on whoever sings
Closing Time!
It is now closing time
on your freedom.
You will all be my slaves.
We have to stop him
from casting spells.
Who challenges me?
Don't do this, Steve.
We're good boy witches, remember?
I remember you laughed at me
when I ate churro out of a
quarterback's mouth.
We didn't laugh.
Die!
You may have blood magic,
but I'll take our friendship
over that any day.
Die, witches!
I did it. I killed the guy
who cut in front of me
in the funnel cake line.
Oh, and there's Steve.
Check, please.
Oh, no, Barry!
What have I done?
I'm so sorry.
HE SOBS
There is one way.
What?
I'm sorry.
I thought you said you wish there
was a way you could undo this?
I didn't say that
but, yeah, I do.
There is one way.
There's an undo spell in the book.
Anything caused by your magic
will be restored
to its pre-magic state.
But there's just one catch.
Anything.
You have to buy that pewter dragon.
Fine!
Just give it to me!
Not the dragon, the book.
Please!
Goddess of magic,
you gave us powers,
they went to our heads.
We inconvenienced a lot of people
and Barry is now dead.
Bring our magic powers to an end
so we can go back to being friends.
What was your favourite part
about being a witch?
I've got to be honest,
it's still pretty hard to get
those deaths off my mind.
I did like floating.
My favourite part was having
a place to eat lunch.
Don't worry, we'll get a table.
Follow my lead.
Marsh, buddy,
how's that throwing arm?
Are you freaking kidding me?!
As the sun sets on another day,
the kids who get beat up
by the football players,
find a place to call their own.
Guys, I forgot to tell you,
when you die, nothing happens.
It's just a permanent sensation
of consciousness.
# I know who I want to
take me home... #
Have a great night.
Subtitles by TVT
Where the natural order of a school
is put on display.
For it is here that everything
has its place.
At the head table
are the kings of the lunch room -
the football players.
They've already gotten more
blow jobs than we'll ever get.
The cheerleaders are next.
Upon graduation, they will shed
their pom poms and emerge
as dental hygienists.
Next, it's the drama kids.
Oh, so gross that they're always
touching each other.
Then the Goth kids,
guys with no personality
who always wear basketball shorts,
the robots pretending to be kids,
then it's the dweebs,
the nerds, the dorks,
Bolivian kids,
and finally we arrive at our table.
Hey, that's not us!
Excuse me, gentlemen,
this is our table.
Oh, really?
And what group are you guys?
We are...
Er...
That's what I thought.
From now on, this table belongs to
the left-handed kids.
We don't have a thing.
We don't have a table.
We...
No!
Hey, man, would you like to join us
over at the table for kids
who overreact to things?
Really?
Psych!
We're the little stinker table
and you've just been goofed!
# Good morning, USA
# I got a feeling that
it's gonna be a wonderful day
# The sun in the sky
has a smile on its face
# And he's shining a salute
to the American race
# Oh, boy, it's swell to say
# Good morning, USA
# Good morning USA! #
Come on, Steve, there's gotta be
a place we can eat.
How about where the kid who died
had his locker?
That hallway's haunted.
The kids who do those
ghost-hunters YouTubes
are devoting an
entire webisode to it.
I think I heard something.
Do you feel a presence?
Yes, it was definitely a ghost.
He peed all over my pants.
This isn't just about where we eat.
It's about what holds us together.
What's our brand?
Snot, you are poor.
None of us are poor.
Toshi is Japanese.
None of us are even Asian.
And Barry...
Barry has a true warmth of heart
that none of us can come close to.
Thanks for not saying fat.
Look where you're going, loser.
Hey, that could be our thing.
We're all losers.
No way. He's a loser.
You're a dumbass, he's a bum,
and he's from somewhere else.
The only thing you guys
have in common
is that you asses are about
to be grasses.
Get those unrelated kids!
Oh!
Go away, we're closed!
I'm sorry, I just need...
Didn't you hear me... Oh, hi, Steve.
Roger?
My name's Twanderlust Lumpkin.
And this is my house of curiosities.
Why did you open this weird shop
full of stuff
no one would ever want?
You're the one who came in here.
I was running from bullies.
What's that smell?
Mould.
So, bullies, huh?
Maybe you could use something
from my shop.
Let's see. This thing looks like
a big shield or something.
Maybe that would help to, like,
block stuff?
And this is some sort of
pewter dragon statue.
You could throw it at them?
What is this stuff?
What's this book?
No! This book is not for you.
In it are contained all
the solutions to your problems.
With it, every fear you've ever had
would melt away.
Hopes would be fulfilled,
dreams would become reality.
Growers will become showers.
You do not want this book.
PHONE CHIMES
Oh, my meatball hoagie's
ready next door.
The sandwiches are meh,
but the cutest guy named Prescott
makes them.
I'm totally crushing on him.
Right now I'm playing it cool,
just making little jokes like,
"The clam chowder looks like
a bowl of sperms."
Do you think I'm being too coy
or should I turn up the heat?
While I'm gone, don't think about
that book, Steve.
Don't think...
about...
that...
book.
The Art Of Witchcraft?
These pages are blank.
Well, I'm back and it could not
have gone better.
Prescott and I had full and complete
sex beneath the meat slicer.
Steve?
Oh, nobody's here to hear my lie.
Mom, this is the best funnel cake
I have ever had.
You should sell funnel cakes.
I don't know.
You gots the goods, Ma.
You're right. I'm gonna do it!
I'm gonna take these funnel cakes
and make something of myself!
Don't tell me
what you're talking about
because I'm going
to the hardware store
and I want no distractions.
Oh, Stan, I'd love to go with you,
but I'm pretty hard at work.
Not interested, Klaus.
WXIU's '90s Fest is coming up
and I'm making a list of all the
'90s bands I hope might be there.
All the bands from the '90s sucked.
What about Marcy Playground?
Holy crap! I straight up forgot
about Marcy Playground.
They sang Sex And Candy.
Who else is on there?
Offspring, Candlebox.
Oh, man, so many memories.
Two memories.
Gentlemen, our days of being pushed
around have come to an end.
This is a book of magic spells.
I stole it from a weird curio shop.
Steve, magic's not real.
If it was, the Orlando Magic would
have won a championship by now.
Snot, you follow basketball?
I watch the finals.
Listen, all I know is when
I opened the book,
it wrote words in front of my eyes.
Look!
THEY GASP
That's right, Tosh.
We've found our brand.
We're gonna be witches and I've
already picked out our first spell.
"To return that which
has been lost."
The respect people used to have
for air travel?
We used to wear suits, god damn it!
No.
We're going to get
our lunch table back.
I guess it's worth a shot.
OK, the book doesn't say
to hold hands.
But it doesn't say not to.
Goddess of witches, hear our plea.
We're just four boys in a tree.
Please, Mistress Magic,
if you're able,
return to us our luncheon table!
OK, that's that.
I guess we find out tomorrow
if it worked.
Oh, no, our magic didn't work!
It's OK, Steve,
it was a stupid idea anyway.
I appreciate you trying to cast
another spell, Tosh,
but it's useless.
Hey, he caught that
with his right hand.
What the...?
What's happening to me?
I believe you're sitting
at our table.
Who... Who are you?
We're witches.
THEY SCREAM
HE SNIFFS
Witchcraft.
The dread hour is upon us.
Time to hunt.
Is that a half-eaten roll
of raw cookie dough?
What was going on with me last time
I was in this
witch-hunter's cabinet?
I gotta admit, Steve,
I didn't think becoming a boy witch
would be so immediately rewarding.
Now that we know it works,
the only question is,
what spell do we cast next?
Here's a spell to
give someone warts.
Here's a spell that cures
all cancer.
Hmm. The boys at Big Pharma
would not be happy
if this little secret got out.
Oh, check out the back section.
Blood magic.
These spells are really dark.
This one just says pure evil.
Anow nathruck outhvas.
THEY SCREAM
I don't like blood magic.
Yeah, Steve, maybe we shouldn't mess
with any of this.
What if we agree to take blood magic
off the table
and only use our powers
to help people?
We'll be good boy witches.
# I heat up
I can't cool down
# You got me spinning... #
So cool, so confident.
Why can't you be confident
like that?!
That's what I want for you!
You have so much potential!
# Every time you call my name
# I heat up like a burning flame
# Burning flame full of desire
# Kiss me, baby
Let the fire get higher
# Abra abracadabra
# I wanna reach out and grab ya
# Abra abracadabra
# Abracadabra
# You make me hot
You make me sigh
# You make me laugh
You make me cry
# Keep me burning for your love
# With the touch of a velvet glove
# Abra abracadabra
# I wanna reach out and grab ya
# Abra abracadabra... #
It sure has, Toshi, my friend.
Hey, I understand Tosh!
Oh, cool.
Boys, I think it's time to upgrade
our position in the lunch room.
But we just got our table back.
Yeah, but we're witches now.
We shouldn't be sitting
at the worst table in the...
Worst table? It's right by
the garbage and the bathrooms.
What is wrong with you?
Marshall, my good man.
How's your day going?
Can I hook you guys up
with some butterflies?
Dude, you have ten seconds to get
the heck away from this table.
Marsh, it's good, we're witches now.
You know the old saying,
quarterbacks, witches,
the rest be bitches.
All right, squeeze it in. Nothing
wrong with a little thigh to thigh.
There aren't enough butterflies
in the world
to make you cool enough
to sit with us.
In fact, there's fewer and fewer
butterflies every year, nerd!
LAUGHTER
Embarrass me in front of everyone.
You'll pay for this,
stupid Marshall.
He's not stupid, Steve,
he's the Federation
of Christian Athletes'
scholar baller of the month.
Don't you listen
to the announcements?
Hello, pod listeners.
This is our brand-new podcast
where we remember bands
from the '90s.
That's right. Billy C was in the
White House,
Frasier packed up his stuff and
moved from Bean Town to Seattle
and no one could escape
the sounds of bands like...
Better Than Ezra.
Cowboy Junkies.
Spin Doctors.
Toad The Wet Sprocket.
Who would you say is your favourite
'90s band to remember
with the word "soul" in their name?
Asylum, Coughing or Collective?
Easy, Collective.
Collective Soul.
I love remembering Collective Soul.
What's up, my witches?
What happened to your hair?
And why are you with him?
Marshall decided to quit football
and become a boy witch.
I realised I wanted to be
a cool witch
like Steve, my master.
See? Nothing weird.
When did Marshall's eyes
get milky like a blind guy?
You used blood magic on him!
You broke our hand-hold promise.
What's wrong with you?
Marshall disrespected us
and I taught him some respect.
We should be running this school.
We should be running this town.
You're out of control, Steve.
We only got into this
so we'd have a place to eat.
A place to eat?!
We should be able to eat
wherever we want
and however we want.
Marshall, churro.
We could have the whole town
chewing our food.
Steve, if you don't stop this
right now,
we will force you to stop.
You can stop me
but you've got to
stop Marshall first.
Bye-bye, boys.
HE ROARS
Pretty cool, huh?
On one hand, thank you.
On the other,
you just murdered a student!
That wasn't a student.
That was a zombie created
by blood magic.
I know, for I am of a line of
witch hunters entrusted
to protect this school.
I'll find whoever made this demon
and when I do,
I'm gonna crossbow his ass.
If you wanna keep
your asses un-crossbowed,
you stay away from blood magic.
Cos blood magic is dud magic.
Oh, my God, we've got to find Steve
before Lewis does.
Alert the Federation
of Christian Athletes.
Their scholar baller is dead.
Marshall is no more.
We must find a successor.
Guys, please be open to
defensive players.
They don't all have
to be quarterbacks.
Hey, no kids.
Go away. Read the sign.
Actually, we have a friend
that came in here recently.
His name is Steve Smith.
Impossible. If that book
were missing, I'd know.
It's the shop's most priceless item.
That's why I keep it
in the most visible...
Huh! What? How? It's gone!
Oh, no, now I have nothing
to put on this podium.
Wait, the pewter dragon.
Perfect. Problem solved.
That was the dragon, wasn't it?
We used the book and it worked.
But then all the power went
straight to Steve's head.
When you're older,
I'll show you where the power
goes straight to on me.
Sorry, I interrupted you.
Please continue.
Anyway, simple magic wasn't enough.
Steve turned to using blood magic.
Ah, crap! The guy I franchised
this place from
said he'd yank my franchise if
I ever let anyone use blood magic
in this franchise.
We've got to save my franchise.
He said he was going to use it
to enslave the whole town.
And we don't even know where he is!
OK, let's think.
If I were a whole town,
where would I be?
To '90s Fest!
Who is pumped for '90s Fest?!
CHEERING
We're Stan and Klaus, but you know
that from our podcast!
The '90s were great.
They had bands like...
Luscious Jackson.
Blind Melon.
Alice In Chains.
Veruca Salt.
None of those bands
will be here today.
So let's hear the name of a band
that is here.
Semisonic!
CHEERING
You guys go right
and look for Steve.
I'll take the left.
Don't doubt it, we must act fast.
You got it!
Oh, my God, she did it.
She said she was gonna do it and
she went out and did it like a boss.
Shit, I gotta support.
# Closing time... #
I don't see him!
Old lady of witchcraft,
put air in my scrote
and allow this humble witch
to float.
Float, float.
There he is.
He doesn't even look like him.
Blood magic has taken over.
Hey, man, we're trying to play
Closing Time.
People of Langley,
your lives as you know them
are now over.
Boo!
Put back on whoever sings
Closing Time!
It is now closing time
on your freedom.
You will all be my slaves.
We have to stop him
from casting spells.
Who challenges me?
Don't do this, Steve.
We're good boy witches, remember?
I remember you laughed at me
when I ate churro out of a
quarterback's mouth.
We didn't laugh.
Die!
You may have blood magic,
but I'll take our friendship
over that any day.
Die, witches!
I did it. I killed the guy
who cut in front of me
in the funnel cake line.
Oh, and there's Steve.
Check, please.
Oh, no, Barry!
What have I done?
I'm so sorry.
HE SOBS
There is one way.
What?
I'm sorry.
I thought you said you wish there
was a way you could undo this?
I didn't say that
but, yeah, I do.
There is one way.
There's an undo spell in the book.
Anything caused by your magic
will be restored
to its pre-magic state.
But there's just one catch.
Anything.
You have to buy that pewter dragon.
Fine!
Just give it to me!
Not the dragon, the book.
Please!
Goddess of magic,
you gave us powers,
they went to our heads.
We inconvenienced a lot of people
and Barry is now dead.
Bring our magic powers to an end
so we can go back to being friends.
What was your favourite part
about being a witch?
I've got to be honest,
it's still pretty hard to get
those deaths off my mind.
I did like floating.
My favourite part was having
a place to eat lunch.
Don't worry, we'll get a table.
Follow my lead.
Marsh, buddy,
how's that throwing arm?
Are you freaking kidding me?!
As the sun sets on another day,
the kids who get beat up
by the football players,
find a place to call their own.
Guys, I forgot to tell you,
when you die, nothing happens.
It's just a permanent sensation
of consciousness.
# I know who I want to
take me home... #
Have a great night.
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