Amazing Stories (1985–1987): Season 2, Episode 8 - Go to the Head of the Class - full transcript

In this hour-long episode, a teenage horror buff (Coffey) is so smitten with a sexy classmate (Masterson) that he helps her use black magic on their loathsome English teacher, with shocking and bewildering results.

[ No Audible Dialogue ]

[ No Audible Dialogue ]

[ Crickets Chirping ]

David?

David?

[ Door Creaking ]

[ Man's Voice ]
At last you've got it all,

- everything I have--
- [ Screams ]

even my life.

But you're not going
to live to enjoy it.

Come with me, murderess.
Come with me.



[ Screams ]

[ Screams ]

[ Screaming Continues ]

[ Screaming Continues ]

[ Man Laughing ]

- ...Pennsylvania--
- [ Birds Twittering ]

the western part
of the state,
was 32 degrees,

and that's a more
realistic reading.

Look out again
from North Dakota,
South Dakota,

all across Montana, Idaho,
northwestern Wyoming--

Look out for snow today.

And some of that
will drip on down into
northern Utah by tonight.

Here's what's happening
in your world this morning.

Take a look.
Our graphics department
knocked themselves out.



From Billings
to Rapid City,
look at those temperatures.

Twenty-four degrees
in Casper, Wyoming.
Nineteen in Billings.

Now these are lows
for this evening,

but in the meantime they've
already got about 15
or 12 inches of snow...

up in the northern part
of the Rockies right now,
and more expected.

As you see
in the western states--

really, from the
Mississippi Valley all the
way to the Atlantic coast--

it is clean
as a hound dog's tooth.

And a quick birthday wish
to Hattie Garrison...

of Montgomery County,
Maryland.

She is 105 years old today.

Montgomery County Fair
has a big race,
only one in America.

Might check that out.

And Hermione Schwartz
of Niles, Ohio,

is 100 years old--

[ Phone Ringing, Cackling ]

[ Weather Announcer
Continues ]

[ Alarm Continues ]

[ Woman ]
Damn it, Peter, you are
late for school again.

I swear I don't understand
why you can't--

- What? Hello.
- set your alarm clock.

Or were you up all night
watching television again?

I swear, if I've told you
once I've told you
a thousand times,

11:00 is bedtime.

Now I am fed up
with the attendance office
calling me at work with--

God.

And another thing, Peter.
When are you gonna cut
that padlock off your door?

I am sick and tired
of having to call you every
morning from the kitchen.

This business
of you coming and going...

through the bedroom window
has got to stop, young man.

I swear I will call
a locksmith, and if I have
to cut it off myself,

you will pay for it
out of your allowance.

You won't let me
see your room.
Well, small wonder.

I'll bet you could
practically grow potatoes
in there.

Probably have to call
the pest control--

[ Man ]
"I am in blood
stepped in so far...

that should I wade no more,

returning were as tedious
as go o'er."

Shakespeare, of course,
was the most popular
playwright of his day.

He wrote for the masses,

and that's why
many of his plays...

contain overt acts
of violence.

Richard III,

the fourth play
Shakespeare ever wrote,

contains no less
than 13 murders.

Is this a gum-chewer
I see before me,
Mr. Cusimano?

[ Swallows ]

Uh, no, sir,
Mr. Beanes, sir.

I was just trying
to pick a piece of food...

I had stuck
between my teeth, sir.

Oh. So you weren't
chewing gum then,
Cusimano?

No, sir.

Then perhaps
you would be good enough...

to identify...

this.

Uh, that's not
my gum, sir, I swallow--

[ Beanes Chuckling ]

So you were in fact
chewing gum.

You will dispose
of the evidence,
Mr. Cusimano,

by swallowing it... now.

Would you prefer
to meet the misters?

- [ Students Murmuring ]
- [ Girl ]
Gross.

[ Gulps ]

As I was saying,

as Shakespeare matured
as a dramatist,

murder remained
an important element
of his tragedies--

which of course brings us
to our assignment: Macbeth.

Unlike Richard III,

Shakespeare did
not paint Macbeth
in shades of pure black,

and Macbeth
committed his murders...

for a different underlying
motivation than did Richard.

And what was Macbeth's
motivation?

I can give you the answer
in one word,

one simple,
three-letter word
which I am sure is a part...

of all your puny,
paltry, pubescent,

puerile,
pedestrian vocabularies.

[ Chalk Squeaks ]

So, Mr. Brand,

I see that you've decided
to grace us all...

with your illustrious
presence this morning.

Time waits for no man,
Mr. Brand,

neither does it wait
for little boys.

And if this tardy slip
does not serve...

as a reminder of that fact
to you, Mr. Brand,

let me point out
that if you earn
just one more of these,

I'll have you right
where I want you:
in detention.

Sex, ladies and gentlemen.

- Sex, boys and girls--
- [ Whispering ]
Do you have my homework?

[ Beanes Continues ]
my little lambs.

Sex. S-E-X.

Sex was the underlying
motive behind Macbeth's
heinous actions.

The insidious Lady Macbeth
used sex--

the promise of it,
the implied, threatened
denial of it--

to control and dominate
her husband.

I daresay things have not
changed a great deal
in the last few centuries,

because men--
perhaps even some
in this very room--

continue to say things,
do things...

and participate
in behavior they wouldn't
normally dream of...

for the promise
of sexual favor.

Now that I've managed
to attract...

your obsessive,
libido-infested attentions,

I shall return
your homework.

As usual, these essays
are a disgrace.

Miss Davidson, "F."

Miss Markowitz, "F."

Mr. Polinsky, "F."

Miss Wilson, F-plus.
Your spelling was good.

And now we come to
a most curious circumstance:

two papers that are
absolutely identical,

but have different names
on them.

One of the names
is Peter Brand,

and the other
is Cynthia Simpson.

Although
such an occurrence...

is within the realm
of the laws of probability,

I have another
explanation for it:

plagiarism,

which, if the word is not
known to either of your
infantile intelligences,

is defined as
"the passing off as your own
the work of someone else."

So,

now I ask
the burning question:

Who is the guilty party?

If neither of you will admit
your guilt, both of you
shall be punished for it.

[ Tapping Desk ]

- [ Paper Cutter Slices ]
- Um, I-- I'm guilty.

I copied
Cynthia's paper, sir.

[ Sighs ]

I am surprised,
Miss Simpson.

Your paper
was quite coherent.

C-plus, the best grade
in the class.

As for you, Mr. Brand,

nothing is as vile,
despicable, and degenerate
as a plagiarist.

Now get your dissembling
Publius Maximus
up here...

and prepare to
meet the misters!

Arms out!

Now, Mr. Brand, prepare
to meet Mr. Funk,

Mr. Wagnall,

Mr. Webster,

Mr. Random,

Mr. House...

and our good friend,
Mr. Shakespeare.

Kneel.

If you drop any
of those books, Mr. Brand,
I'll have your head.

[ Students Laughing ]

[ Laughing Continues ]

[ Cynthia ]
Hi.

Boy, the Burrito
sure came down hard
on you this morning.

Tell me about it.
My arms are still sore.

You know,
what's his problem anyway?

He's perverse.
I mean, you heard
his lecture.

He blames everything bad
on sex, Mr. Brand.

What would he know
about it?

Somebody ought
to do something about him.

Somebody ought
to do something to him.

[ Clattering ]

[ Glass Shatters ]

Peter, what are you
doing tonight?

Homework.

You want to fix Beanes?

I mean, really fix him?
Mess with his head?

[ Men Shouting ]

What have you got in mind?

Have you played that
new album I bought for you
backwards yet?

[ Chuckles ]
No. Why should I?

When you play
"Blood Sausage" backwards,

there's all
these great spells
and incantations and stuff.

"Teacher's Threat" has got
this great curse on it,

but you gotta do it
exactly at midnight,

so I'll come over
around 11:00.

Tonight? 11:00?
My house?

[ Stammers ]
You're gonna come over?

I'll be in my room.

Radical.

I'll see you around 11:00.

Oh, don't worry about
the severed bat wing.
I've got one.

- [ Car Horn Honks ]
- [ Brakes Squeal ]

- [ Laughs ]
- [ Cars Crash ]

Severed bat wing?

?? [ Rock Playing Backwards ]

[ Man ]
Add dirt from a grave
that is freshly dug,

and a fingertip of
a dead relation by blood.

This mixture ignite
at the stroke
of midnight...

by the united hand
of woman and man.

Do thus as is written,

and so shall the victim
suffer this night...

the curse of Dalkite.

?? [ Ends ]

Curse of Dalkite?

[ Whimpers, Groans ]

Ow.

[ Groans ]

Hi.

Did I scare you?

No. No, not at all.
I was just tripping
over my shoelaces.

- This is your room?
- Yeah. This-- This is it.

Do you think it's radical?

Yeah.

Oh, Peter.

- I hate this picture.
- Oh, well, I just--

[ Stammers ]

- This is your bed, huh?
- Yeah. That's my bed.

Do you use it much?

Um, C-Cynthia,

what-- what exactly is
the curse of Dalkite?

- Hiccups.
- Hiccups?

Yeah. The curse of Dalkite
gives the victim hiccups.

I did it
to my mother last week
after she grounded me.

She had the hiccups
for three solid days.
It was hilarious.

My father finally had to
take her to the hospital.

No kidding?

Yeah. Three solid days.

Can you imagine Beanes
trying to recite Shakespeare
with the hiccups?

It'll be a scream,
I tell you.

That would be great.

Wait a minute.

Look, when you did this
to your mother,

where did you get
a fingertip of a
dead blood relative from?

Well, actually,
I didn't use a fingertip.

I used a lock of my
dead grandmother's hair
from the family album.

But, Peter, tonight
we gotta use a fingertip.

Yeah, but where
do we get one?

Where do you think?

[ Bird Squawking ]

[ Cynthia Laughs ]
This is way cool.

[ Peter ]
Yeah.
[ Weak Chuckle ]

[ Bell Tolling ]

We gotta hurry.
It's 11:30 already.

[ Peter ]
Can I carry that thing
for you?

- Thank you, Peter.
- [ Bag Clanks ]

[ Peter ]
What do you have in here?
Sledgehammer?

- Shh!
- What?

[ Wind Whistling ]

- [ Birds Calling ]
- [ Crickets Chirping ]

I thought I heard something.

What?

An open grave.

[ Owl Hoots ]

- [ Whispering ]
Get in.
- What?

Get down there
and get some dirt.

Uh-uh. I'm not going
down there.

We need dirt
from a freshly dug grave.

There's plenty of dirt
on the pile right here.

- It has to be
from the bottom.
- Wait a minute.

I don't remember
the record saying
anything...

about the dirt having
to be from the bottom.

Look, if you're too chicken
to jump into a little hole,
I'll do it.

I'm not chicken.

I just want to make sure
it's necessary,
all right?

Go for it.

Careful.

- See ya.
- Bye.

- [ Thuds ]
- Peter.

I'm okay.

Get some dirt.

- How much do we need?
- Just a handful.

- Okay, now,
where do I put--
- Shh!

Cyn?

No, come on.
Stop kidding around.

- I got the di--
- [ Branches Rustling ]

Cyn.

- Cynthia?
- [ Dog Howls ]

- [ Cynthia Stammers ]
- Cynthia?

[ Ragged Breathing ]

[ Peter ]
Aaah!

Stay down.

[ Man Wheezing ]

[ Mutters ]

- He's coming back!
- Who?

Shh.

[ Mutters ]

[ Chuckles ]

[ Coughs ]

[ Mumbling ]

Must be the caretaker.

Look, Cyn, I think we
ought to call it a night.

You can't.

Remember the record?

"United hand
of a woman and man."

You are a man, aren't you?

Oh. Mmm.

So we're a team now...

till death do us part.

Death.

[ Owl Hooting ]

[ Footsteps ]

[ Cynthia ]
Here it is.

The Beanes family crypt.

[ Peter ]
Oh, boy.

It's locked. Darn.
Well, I guess we'd better
call it a night.

- Okay, sledgehammer.
- Sledgehammer?

Let's check it out.

I know
I'm gonna regret this.

[ Hinges Creaking ]

[ Cynthia Grunts ]

[ Peter ]
Ooh.

Do I smell
what I think I smell?

Look at this place.

It's perfect.

Everything we need is here.

[ Wick Hisses ]

[ Blows On Match ]

[ Cement Scraping ]

Severed bat wing.

Katydids.

[ Rattles ]

Graven image.

What?

The picture of Beanes
in the yearbook.

Rosewater.

[ Chuckles ]

Dirt from
a freshly dug grave.

And now
the pi?ce de r?sistance:

fingertip
of a blood relative.

[ Dog Howls ]

[ Peter ]
Guess we have
to do this, huh?

[ Pot Bubbling ]

[ Creaking ]

- Damn. Wrong side.
- [ Bell Tolls ]

It's midnight!

We gotta finish before
the clock strikes 12:00.

Get the fingertip.

- But you mean that I--
- [ Bell Tolls ]

Hurry up.

[ Bell Tolls ]

Mmm. Mmm.

[ Bell Tolls ]

[ Bell Tolls ]

What's taking so long?

[ Stammers ]
The shears aren't
sharp enough.

- [ Bell Tolls ]
- Put some muscle into it.

[ Bell Tolls ]

- That's seven already.
- [ Groans ]

I'm trying to. It just--

[ Moans ]

[ Bell Tolls ]

Eight.

[ Bell Tolls ]

Nine.

- [ Grunts ]
- [ Bell Tolls ]

- Ten.
- [ Screams ]

- [ Bell Tolls ]
- Eleven.

- [ Moaning ]
- Throw it in!

- [ Whooshing ]
- [ Bell Tolls ]

[ Both Screaming ]

[ Cynthia Gasps ]

[ Cynthia Screaming ]

[ Groans ]

[ Wheezing ]

[ Belches, Mutters ]

[ Peter ]
There it is--
The house of Beanes.

[ Thunder Rumbling ]

[ Owl Hoots ]

Look. There's a light on.

I'll bet the hiccups
woke him up.

He's probably trying
to get rid of 'em.

[ Cynthia ]
Let's wait till tomorrow to
see if this really worked.

Tomorrow?
[ Chuckles ]

After what we just
went through?
Come on.

Come on.

[ Gate Creaking ]

[ Frog Croaking,
Hiccupping ]

[ Croaking, Hiccupping
Continue ]

[ Cynthia ]
I can hear him,
but I can't see him.

[ Croaking, Hiccupping
Continue ]

[ Croaking, Hiccupping ]

[ Peter ]
Look.

- [ Croaks, Hiccups ]
- [ Cynthia ]
Oh.

Only Beanes would
name a frog Shakespeare.

[ Mews ]

- [ Mewing Continues ]
- [ Peter ]
Give me the flashlight.

[ Cynthia ]
What?

[ Thunderclap ]

Oh, my God.
We killed him!

[ Thunder Rumbling ]

[ Glass Shatters ]

Turn on the light.

[ Peter Groans ]

There's nothing. He's a goner,
and we're responsible.

Don't jump to conclusions.
People drop dead
all the time.

Oh, yeah?
Then how do you
explain that?

The clock stopped
exactly at midnight.

Look, we should
just go home
and forget all this.

- Wha--
- Let the police
deal with this.

Are you crazy?
My fingerprints are
all over him.

Your fingerprints
are on the door
and the light switch.

You know, we could get
the electric chair
for this.

[ Cynthia ]
You can't get the chair
for killing a teacher.

- You can't?
- No.

You get the gas chamber
in this state.

- I'm leaving.
- No. Look--
We killed this man.

We did this together.
We're in this together.

"Till death do us part,"
remember?

[ Cynthia ]
Okay. What do we do?

I don't know. I think--

Wish there was a spell
that would bring him
back to life.

There is. Look.

Side two, cut three--

[ Together ]
"The Dead Shall Rise."

[ Thunderclap ]

[ Man ]
Place the mixture
at the toes...

of the victim in repose.

And to this confection
add the water
of resurrection.

Thus come Dalkite's demise,
and thy victim shall arise.

Dalkite's demise.

If this doesn't work,
nothing will.

I think I found
everything we need.

Look, I still say
we should just
lay him on the couch.

He has to be in repose,
which means "in bed."

- You want to take chances
on the instructions?
- No way. I just--

Cynthia, look.
What if this doesn't work?

No problem.

That means
the curse of Dalkite
didn't kill him--

- [ Grunts ]
- we're off the hook...

and we're free
of Beanes forever.

[ Thunder Rumbling ]

[ Cynthia ]
The plucked feather.

The unpeeled orange.

Soapstone.

Salt.

Graven image.

- [ Cynthia ]
Come on, hurry up.
- I found it, okay? Just--

You tore his head off.

Cool it.

[ Cynthia ]
Now all we need is
the water of resurrection.

French mineral water?

It's either that
or tap water.

[ Thunderclap ]

[ Wind Roaring ]

Mr. Beanes?

Are you alive?

So how long does it take
for the dead to rise?

I guess it could take
up to three days.

[ Beanes Inhales ]

[ Coughs ]

[ Inhaling, Exhaling ]

Mr. Brand. Miss Simpson.

Prepare
to meet the misters!

[ Laughing ]

[ Laughing Continues ]

[ Cynthia Whimpering ]

This can't be happening,
all right? It's gotta be
a hallucination.

[ Door Creaking ]

[ Peter Whimpers ]

Where do you two
think you're going?

- [ Beanes Laughing ]
- Come on!

[ Peter Groans ]

[ Knob Rattling ]

[ Both Moan ]

Can't you see it's locked?
Use your head, man.

- Ow!
- [ Cynthia Moans ]

It won't open.

Damn!

You won't escape my...

fury, children!

- Here I come!
- [ Cynthia ]
Oh!

[ Cynthia Whimpering ]

- [ Peter Shouts ]
- Aaah!

I'm caught.

Why aren't you home
doing your homework,
Miss Simpson?

At a time like this,
you're thinking about sex,
Mr. Brand?

[ Beanes ]
Get down here!

What's the matter,
are you blind?

- [ Cynthia Moaning ]
- They're getting away!

For heaven's sake, jump!

Hurry up! Jump!

Hurry, you brainless idiot.
Jump!

Hurry, will you?
Hurry!

[ Groans ]

[ Cynthia Gasps, Moans ]

[ Both Scream ]

You two will never
escape my wrath.

[ Beanes Laughing ]

[ Screams ]

[ Laughing ]

- [ Growls ]
- Aaah! Aaah!

[ Peter Babbling ]

Get it off!
Get it off!

- [ Cynthia Screams ]
- [ Beanes, Muffled ]

[ Cynthia ]
Kick it off!

[ Screaming ]

Ooh, whoo, whoo!

Okay. I'm gonna
get the bus, okay?

Stop! Stop!

Stop!

- [ Groans ]
- Peter, you better
get on here.

- Run!
- Wait!

Hurry! Hurry, you fool!

Hurry! Aaah!

So, Mr. Brand.

[ Groans ]
Please, no!

It wasn't my idea.

She made me do it.

Sex made you do it,
Mr. Brand!

You should have paid
attention to Macbeth
instead of Cynthia.

[ Laughing ]

[ Laughing Continues ]

Time waits for no man,
Mr. Brand.

Faster, you fool!

Brand! I wanna hurt you!

I'll get you for this!

[ Laughing ]

I'm right behind you.

- Hah!
- [ Whimpers ]

I see you haven't done
your homework, Mr. Brand!

[ Groans ]

[ Wind Whistling ]

[ Thunderclap ]

I want to see you
in detention, Mr. Brand.

[ Moans ]

[ Ringing, Cackling ]

[ Ringing, Cackling
Continue ]

Uh--

[ Woman ]
Damn it, Peter, you are late
for school again!

Every morning
it is the same thing
over and over.

Late for school,
late for school.

Now move it, young man.

And by the way,
when are you gonna cut
that padlock off your door?

[ Door Opens, Slams ]

Hah! Mr. Brand.

You're tardy again,

so I finally have you
where I want you, Mr. Brand:

in detention!

Mr. Beanes, you--

Detention's fine,
just as long as you're okay.

Well, actually,
I have a bit
of a sore throat.

[ Laughing ]

[ Whimpering ]

[ Laughing Continues ]