Amazing Stories (1985–1987): Season 2, Episode 10 - The Pumpkin Competition - full transcript

Rich, miserly Elma Dinnock is livid at losing the Yarborough Country pumpkin-growing contest 22 years in a row, and so gets help from a mysterious botanist for the next competition.

[ No Audible Dialogue ]

[ No Audible Dialogue ]

[ Chattering ]

[ Man On P.A. ]
Will all the pumpkin girls
please report to the stage.

Ladies and gentlemen,

we conclude this year's
Yarborough Country Fair...

by announcing the winner
of the Governor's
Grand Prize...

Pumpkin Competition!

And this year...

extra prize money
donated by the folks
at Peploe Chick Feed...

will bring the winner
a grand total of $2,000!



[ Cheering ]

Now, since the governor
couldn't be here,

I'd like to turn the mike
over to the mayor
of Yarborough,

Mayor Chester A.
Barnsworth. Chet?

Thanks, Ernie.

Folks, it sure was tough
to pick this year's
winning pumpkin...

and not just 'cause
the last event
was the beer tasting.

[ Laughing ]

Nah. Folks, I'm
pleased to announce...

that the Governor's Prize...

of $2,000...

goes to--

[ Sheep Bleats ]

[ Chattering ]



- Mildred McMinamin!
- [ Cheering ]

Come on up here, Mildred!
Come on up!

Ohh.
[ Chuckles ]

Oh, thank you.

Oh, look!

Mmm... no!

It's a fix!

It's fixed! It's fixed!
Let me through!
Let me through here!

Out of my way!
Everyone knows it's fixed!
It's fixed! It's fixed!

- [ Crowd Gasps ]
- [ Woman ]
My pumpkin!

Take your hands off me.
Take your hands off me.

Elma Dinnock, what's
the meaning of this?

Chester Barnsworth,
for 21 years...

I've entered this
infernal competition,

and not once-- not once
have I ever won!

- And do you know why?
Because it's fixed!
- No, Elma.

Oh, no? Then explain
this to me, Mr. Mayor.

The same sun
shines on my pumpkin
as shines on the winner.

I plant my pumpkin
in the same county soil.

The same rain
waters my pumpkin.

If it's not fixed,
then why do I always lose?

I'll tell you why lose,
Elma Dinnock!

- You lose because you
are a selfish old witch!
- [ Gasps ]

You may own
half the county,

but you never
give of yourself
to anything or anyone.

And that includes
your pumpkins!

- That's enough, Mildred.
- Oh, no, Chester.

No one ever speaks
frankly to Elma...

because her bank
has foreclosed
on so many these folks.

Well, it's time
someone spoke up!

It's time you knew, Elma,
why the others always win.

They win because
they give of themselves.

Loving attention.

To be rewarded in life,
Elma, one must give.

Whether you're
raising vegetables
or raising children.

Oh, of course.

You've never had that chance
to give to a family.

I'm--

[ Adding Machine Clanks,
Dings ]

[ Doorbell Buzzes ]

Botheration.
Never fails.

- [ Doorbell Buzzes ]
- I hear ya. I hear ya.

- What do you want?
- Uh, good day, madam.

I'm Bertram Carver, professor
of Agricultural Science
from the State University.

I have something you
might be interested in.

Just as I thought,
a salesman.

- Can't you read?
- Uh, but, I'm not--

- [ Footsteps Departing ]
- But you can win next
year's pumpkin competition!

[ Footsteps Approaching ]

How's that again?

Well, talk, Professor.
I get a penny apiece
for these.

Every nine seconds
I'm not stuffing
I'm out a nickel.

Letting you in here
cost me 30 cents.

- [ Clatters, Dings ]
- I'm sorry, madam.

Well?

Well--
[ Clears Throat ]

As I said, I'm a professor
of Agricultural Science.

You've heard of my research
to end hunger?

Are you aware,
Miss Dinnock,

that one-fifth of the world's
population is starving?

They're no concern
of mine, sir.

Get to the point.
Time is money.

Yes.

Well...

this... is my point.

[ Laughs ]

A green bowling ball?
[ Laughs ]

Not a bowling ball,
Miss Dinnock.

This is gonna feed
the world's hungry.

Here.

Taste it.

Taste it?

[ Sniffs ]

Go ahead.

- That's a pea.
- To be exact,

Pisum sativum
of the genus Lathyrus.

Or the common sweet pea.

- But it's so big.
- Exactly!

My experiments in microbotany
have been extremely successful.

But alas, madam,
I've exhausted my grant.

I need funds to continue,
and that's why I'm here.

I need, Miss Dinnock,
just $10,000...

to complete my research.

And why should I
lend you $10,000?

Oh, not lend me.

- Give.
- [ Coughs ]

Give? You've taken
enough of my time, sir.
Get out of here. Out! Out!

- Get out! Out! Out!
- In return...

I'll give you
my growth formula...

to win the next
pumpkin competition.

[ Elma ]
You're certain this
is tax deductible?

Absolutely.

Yes. Well, Mr. Carver,

I would like to...
give you $10,000,

but due to my financial
situation, I can only...

give you half.

But I need 10,000.

Take it or leave it.

I'll take it.

Just as I thought.

You realize that if this is
a sham, you'll be apprehended
by the authorities...

and spend the rest of your
miserable life in jail.

I assure, madam,
it's authentic.

Follow these directions.

Good day, madam.

[ Door Opens, Closes ]

[ Rooster Crows ]

Tomorrow, Professor Carver,
I'm calling the cops.

[ Bucket Clatters ]

- [ Roosters Crowing ]
- [ Wood Creaking ]

[ Creaking Continues ]

- [ Thumping ]
- [ Dog Barking
In Distance ]

[ Creaking ]

- [ Dog Barking Continues ]
- [ Creaking ]

[ Crashing ]

[ Barking Continues ]

[ Barking Stops ]

[ Giggles ]

?? [ Humming ]

[ Crows ]

Thank you.
Thanks, Mildred.

Well, well. I see they
gave you number one.

Oh, but, Elma,
the defending champion...

always has the honor
of the number one.

Yes, well, I guess
that's an honor
I'll never know...

since this selfish old
witch will never win.

Elma, if what I said
last year hurt you,
I'm sorry.

But it's true, you know.

God always rewards
those who give.

- Is that so, Mildred?
- Oh, I believe it.

Lord knows we could
all be more giving.

But, Mildred, how could you,
pray tell, be more giving?

I could tell you that
my pumpkin is bigger
than last year's.

Now that would save
you disappointment...

and the $2.00 entry fee,

- which I know is very
important to you.
- [ Laughs ]

Your lies won't keep me
from registering my pumpkin.

No, no, I will not withdraw
so that you can win by default,
Mildred McMinamin.

And neither will
anyone else here.

I was trying to be kind
to save you pain.

But I guess I was wrong.

Yes, you were wrong, Mildred.
You were wrong about everything.

And especially wrong
about saying that I'm not
going to win this year.

Oh, am I now?

In fact, I'll wager
my entire estate--
all 14,000 acres--

against that sweet,
little house trailer of
yours that I'm going to win!

Elma, you're--
you're crazy!

I see.
You're afraid to bet.

And after suggesting
that I withdraw.

How does that look,
Mildred?

All right!

- It's a bet? My estate
against your house trailer?
- Yes!

My bank account
against yours--
winner take all?

Yes! Yes!
Anything you say!

I say so, and you're
all witnesses!

Pumpkin against pumpkin
in tomorrow's competition.

- [ Sighs ]
- Mildred?

Do your friends really
believe all that about...

"blessed be the givers"?

I'm sure they do.

Good.

Since you'll be asking them
to give you a place to stay.

[ Laughs ]

Hello? Yes, this is
still Elma Dinnock,
and I'm still holding.

I've been trying to get
through all morning.

Is this 24-Hour Movers--
"Always Ready,
Always Waiting"?

Yes, I want one of your
large open-bed trucks.

The biggest one you've got.

Well, what do you mean
there's no one there?

If there's no one there,
who the dickens are you?

I see. Well,
Mr. Custodial Crew,

let me talk to somebody
who can rent me a truck.

Well, when will
they be back?

[ Hammer Thuds On Ground ]

[ Grunting ]

[ Panting ]

Ohh!

[ Engine Cranking ]

[ Engine Starts ]

- [ Engine Revs ]
- [ Tires Squealing ]

Ahh!

[ Tires Squealing ]

[ Bell Ringing ]

[ Bell Ringing Continues ]

[ Ernie On P.A. ]
And now, ladies
and gentlemen,

the final event
of the fair--

the Governor's Grand Prize
Pumpkin Competition!

[ Cheering ]

Well, since the judges
are still conferring,

uh, it'll be a while.

Look! Ma! Ma, look!
Look, it's
the Great Pumpkin!

It's Cinderella!
Look! Look!

- Yes, dear.
- Mom, look!

I keep telling you,
George, the kid's
too old for fairy tales.

Mom! Mom! Mom!

I'm gonna make it.
I'm gonna make it.
I'm gonna make it.

[ Ernie On P.A. ]
Well, the judges have
finally reached a decision.

Since the governor
couldn't be here this year,

here to make
the big announcement is
our own Mayor Barnsworth!

- [ Cheering, Applauding ]
- Chet?

I'm gonna make it.
I'm gonna make it.
I'm gonna make it.

[ Chet On P.A. ]
Well--
[ Laughs ]

I don't know how she did it,
but, uh, we got the same
winner two years in a row.

- [ Chattering ]
- [ Applauding ]

[ Woman ]
Congratulations!

[ Chet On P.A. ]
That's right, folks,
for the first time ever...

in the history of the
Yarborough Country Fair--

- [ Horn Honking ]
- our reigning champion
herself...

- has walked off with
the first prize ribbon!
- Ohh!

The winner of this year's
Governor's Grand Prize
Pumpkin Competition is...

Mildred McMinamin!

Come on up here, Mildred!

- [ Horn Honking ]
- [ Screaming ]

Wait! Wait!

My pumpkin--
My pumpkin wasn't judged!

My pumpkin wasn't judged!
It wasn't judged!

But, Elma, we looked
for your pumpkin.
Where is it?

It's right here!

Here. Here.
It's right here.

- [ Grunts ]
- [ All ]
Ew!

Elma, is that a pumpkin?

Well, of course
that's a pumpkin!

Well, you can see it was
bigger than all the others.

I demand to be
declared the winner!

Elma--
[ Laughs ]

obviously you haven't
seen this year's entries.

What?

[ Mildred ]
Quite amazing, really.

A professor asked us
for $5,000...

to complete his research
to end hunger.

Of course, we all gave.

And in return...

he gave us his
growth formula.

[ Screams ]

Ohh! Ohh!

[ Grunting ]

[ Screaming ]