Alternatino with Arturo Castro (2019-…): Season 1, Episode 6 - The Teammate - full transcript
A new member threatens Arturo's role on his soccer team, an action star takes a hands-on approach, and drama erupts behind the scenes of "The Carmen Miranda Show."
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["America the Beautiful"
plays]
- Emma, wow.
What an honor
to be sitting here
with the great granddaughter
of the woman who wrote
the inspiring poem
for the Statue of Liberty.
We love it.
- Love it.
So beautiful.
- But the White House just
had a few teeny, tiny notes
to make it seem more, um...
how do we say this, Linda?
- Modern.
- Modern. Thank you. Yes.
- And everyone here
was so excited that
you'd be the one to update it.
- You, you, you, you, you.
[laughter]
- Okay.
- So, I'm just
being nitpicky here,
but let's take a look
at this part.
"Give me your tired, your poor,
your huddled masses
yearning to breathe free."
- Beautiful.
- It's a message
of inclusion...
- Mm-hmm.
- Of welcoming.
Uniting a nation that...
- I'm sorry.
We get it. [laughs]
- Yeah, we got it.
- And we like the idea
of calling them,
"Your tired, your poor,
your huddled masses."
- That totally clicks with us.
- Don't necessary love the
"give us" part, you know?
- What?
- America isn't currently
in the business
of the tired and the poor
and definitely not
the huddled masses.
- We want to be inviting...
just not that inviting.
- It's thirsty.
- Thank you, Linda.
I was looking for that word.
Yes, it's thirsty.
- Well, it's a nation
of immigrants,
and the statue symbolizes that.
- But it's the
Statue of Liberty,
not the statue of,
"Let's just let everyone in."
[laughs]
You know?
That would be such
a long title.
- But that is quite literally
what it stands for.
- Just take the spirit
of the note.
Let's keep going.
- Okay.
- So, this next part, um,
"The wretched refuse
of your teeming shore."
- Mm, so this one was tricky.
- But we do love the
imagery of the shore.
- Love it.
Very on-brand.
Very provocative.
- And "wretched refuse"...
we love the description
of foreigners, you know?
It evokes human garbage,
but in such a nice way.
- Actually,
it's not supposed to.
- But do we really want all
that garbage on our shores?
I don't know if you've
been up to the Bronx,
but it's pretty full up
on teeming refuse already.
- Oh, my God, Linda.
That was savage.
Maybe we should put that
on the plaque.
- Maybe we should.
- We should.
Let's make a little note.
- I wouldn't do that.
- No, I wouldn't actually...
- Let's keep moving.
"Send these, the homeless,
tempest-tost to me.
I lift my lamp beside
the golden door."
- Again, we love this.
- Love it.
- Love this.
But my gut tells me...and Linda,
tell me if you agree...
but we wanna say
sort of, like, um,
the opposite of that.
- Mm, I agree.
- Does that make any sense?
- [clicks tongue]
Okay, so,
question for you, then.
What are we keeping?
"Teeming?" [laughs]
- No. [laughs]
- No.
"Masses?"
- Oh, no.
- "Mother of exiles?"
- Oh, my goodness, no.
God, no.
- "Oh, God, no"?
Okay.
So then what is left?
[dramatic musical sting]
- Timeless words.
[cool percussive music]
♪
[birds chirping]
[goal clinks]
- [speaks Spanish]
No, that's it. That's it.
Just get on the inside
of your foot a little more
with the ball.
- Oh, thanks, man.
- You got this.
You got this, okay?
Hey, Andrew, you gotta watch
those passes, brother, okay?
They're getting
a little sloppy.
- Okay.
- It's a beautiful game, right?
There's a reason why they call
it "jogo bonito" in Brazil.
- Oh, man, I feel like
I learn more Spanish from you
than I ever did in high school.
- Oh, no, that's Portuguese,
'cause it's Brazil, you know?
- Oh, see?
You keep teaching me.
- Okay.
- [whistles] Hey!
Game's gonna start soon.
Let's bring it in.
Let's bring it in.
Come on!
- Come on, come on, come on.
- Hustle up, you animals.
Come on.
[overlapping chatter]
- Here we go.
Here we go.
- All right, guys, listen up.
These guys are pretty decent,
but I think our team has what
it takes to win today, okay?
- Yeah, we do.
- After all,
we got a secret weapon.
- [laughs]
Don't call me that.
- Hey, Luis.
- Who?
- Guys, this is Luis.
- Hello, everyone.
- He lives in my building.
He's from Honduras.
He's been in the states
for a months and I figured,
hey, this'll be a nice way
to welcome him.
- That's crazy. It's like
your own secret language.
[laughter]
- Hey, Luis.
What position do you play?
- I'm a natural striker.
- Oh, nice.
We'll put you up top.
- Bueno.
Gracias.
- Yeah.
- I'm used to being
the striker, but I got it.
Let's give the new guy...
see if he's any good, you know?
Oh.
Oh, wow.
It's almost painful
how good he is.
- Yeah, for real...
such a jogo bonito.
- Okay, not now, Andrew.
- Don't worry. Don't worry.
We'll find a place for you.
[overlapping shouting]
[men cheering]
Secret weapon, baby!
Secret weapon!
- Great job, guys.
men: Luis! Luis!
- Yeah.
men: Luis!
[mellow music]
[upbeat music]
- Tim.
- Darcy.
- So nice to see you.
- You too. You too.
You look great.
- Thank you.
Tell me about
"Operation Adrenaline."
- [laughs]
Oh, Darcy.
"Operation Adrenaline"
is the biggest
Donovan Crane movie
we've ever done.
- First off, Tim, I loved it.
- [chuckles]
- It's my favorite
in the series.
And the action scenes
in this one are stunning.
Now, you're well into your 50s,
but is it true that
you still do all
of your own sound effects?
- Oh, you caught me.
[laughter]
Yeah, that's all me up there.
And it's tough, but
you do it 'cause you love it.
And I wouldn't say
"well into my 50s."
I'm only eight years in,
but I've been told
I have the throat
of a 22-year-old.
- Ooh.
[suspenseful music]
- Let's rock and roll.
Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba!
[whooshes]
Bang, click, click, click.
[grunting, panting]
Chook-chook.
Kaboom!
Chook-chook.
Kaboom!
Chook-chook.
Kaboom!
[panting]
[whooshing]
- Incredible.
- [whooshes]
- Jumping out of windows,
crashing cars,
helicopter chases...
it feels like there's no
loud noise you can't pull off.
And the director says that
some of the best ideas
come from you?
- Darcy,
I don't like to say that.
No.
Film is a collaborative
process,
and on my film sets,
everyone has a voice,
but not a sound.
Not a sound.
Careful.
That's my department...
[chuckles softly]
All right, so here's
what's gonna happen, right?
I'm gonna crash
through the window,
grab the machine gun...
da-da-da-da-da-da-da!
Then the grenade...
bounce, bounce, kablamo!
Right?
I'm gonna slide over the car.
Turn it on...
[clicking sounds]
[vrooming]
Then I'm gonna turn on
the windshield wipers.
Chook-chook, chook-chook.
Right?
Then I'm gonna...[screeches]
Around the corner and...
[whooshes sharply]
Crash.
Then we got ourselves a movie.
Yeah.
Any suggestions?
Did not think so.
Let's do this!
Whoo!
Team Donovan!
- How do you do it?
I mean, at your age,
is it safe to be
taking on all of these
big crazy sounds?
- Darcy, I have a great team
in case anything
were to go wrong,
but there's always a risk.
There's always a risk.
- And speaking of risk,
is it true that the film
had to stop production
for a few days after you
accidentally bit your tongue?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's true.
[shutter snaps]
But the pain is worth it
in order to give the audience
an honest experience, Darcy.
They need to feel like
it's me up there, you know?
It's what I do, you know?
I make movies and sounds...
incredibly accurate sounds.
- [softly]
Yeah.
- And let's stop it with
the fucking age thing.
[laughter]
- Okay.
- But I'm not without flaws.
Sometimes, the simplest sounds
can be the hardest.
Crunch, crunch, crunch.
Crunch, crunch, crunch.
Snap, crunch.
Muah.
Muah.
Muah!
Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug,
glug, glug, glug, glug, glug.
[exhales]
- Now, to move on from the film
for just a second, Tim,
you're part of an insane cult.
- [chuckles softly]
Smoke bomb!
Crash!
[whooshes]
- Did you get that?
That sounded so real.
Oh, my God.
[mellow music]
[cool percussive music]
[upbeat rock music playing]
- Uh-oh.
Dan-dan-dan! [laughs]
The victory Aperol Spritzes
have arrived, brothers.
All right.
- Oh, uh,
Luis already
bought us Mezcal shots.
- Oh, you just have it
after the shot.
- I got an early day
tomorrow, so...
- Man, I should probably
take it easy tonight.
- Don't worry about it.
[laughs] You know, more for me.
[upbeat trumpet music plays]
men: Oh!
- [speaks Spanish]
[overlapping shouting]
- [laughs]
- You guys like this song?
I put it on just for us.
- Cool.
Sorry, you don't know this,
but we usually put on
"Sunday Morning" by Maroon 5
right after a win.
It really pumps us up,
you know what I'm saying?
- But this is so much better.
[overlapping chatter]
- I don't know if I can
go back to listening
to that Maroon 5 shit
after hearing this.
- How did we ever
listen to that
beautiful vibrato that he has,
you know?
♪
- Oh, hey, what is that?
- Oh.
Chile de árbol.
It's a little embarrassing
to carry it around,
but I just can't eat tacos
without it.
Mmm.
[muffled speech]
- [laughs]
- Be careful.
- Okay, "be careful"...
[laughs]
[sniffs]
Holy shit.
Oh, just smelling it,
like, burned my nose.
- Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
- Hey, cabrón.
Can I get a hit of that, or...
♪
[chuckles]
I like my food spicy.
Everybody knows that.
You know?
That's really...
- [speaks Spanish]
[laughter]
Okay, wow.
That's a lot.
- And if you're gonna do it...
[sniffs]
Then do it right.
Salud.
Mmm, mmm.
Mmm.
[huffs softly]
Milk!
Give me milk!
- We don't have milk!
- You have milk.
Don't lie to me.
- I need some milk, bro!
Just give me milk!
You're lying to me!
It's in my mouth.
[whimpering]
Get out of it.
Get out of it.
[mellow music]
[upbeat Latin music playing]
- ♪ Americanos look at
the fruit in my head ♪
♪ They follow me around
and they give me a pet ♪
♪ But don't be touching my
fruit unless you want a smack ♪
♪ From the lady with
the giant fruity hat ♪
♪ Ay-ay-ay!
[cheers and applause]
- We'll be right back with
"The Carmen Miranda Show"
sponsored by cigarettes.
- No autographs today.
I'm sorry.
[soft dramatic music]
[door clacks]
- So do you have a minute for
the father of your children,
or are you too busy?
- Please.
- So, this is
our life now, huh?
- What's that supposed to mean?
- 12 shows a week...
nights, weekends, matinees.
Our son got
his first tooth today.
Did you even know that?
- That boy is my world.
- He is?
♪
- Carmen, my sweet...oh, sorry.
Break a leg...
[sheepish laugh]
[door slams]
- [sighs] Sometimes,
I think this boy is about
the only good thing you and I
ever did in this world.
- I want you to understand
something, Hector.
It's not my fault you never
made it in this business, hm?
♪
[fruit squelches]
[fruit thunks]
- Pitch.
I need a drink.
- Oh, yeah.
That'll help.
[loud tapping]
[cups clattering]
[glasses clanking]
[blender whirring]
[drink trickling]
- I have to tell you something.
[slurps loudly]
Oh, you're not gonna like it.
- You're keeping the damn boat?
- No.
Your brother killed himself
this morning.
[dramatic music]
- [softly]
He finally did it.
[sobs]
- Oh.
Oh, mi corazón.
Oh...
[shushes]
Mmm.
[soft dramatic music]
♪
Oh, I used to love this city.
Remember that feeling?
What was it?
Hope?
Yeah...
[inhales deeply]
Me neither.
Do you still want
to be with me?
♪
- I don't know.
[crunching softly]
It's time for my next show.
How about we do
this one together
for old time's?
- [slurps loudly]
Okay.
[upbeat Latin music playing]
- ♪ A-chica-chica-boom-chi
♪ Ay-ay-ay!
- [out of tune]
♪ A-chica-chica-boom-chi
♪ Ay-ay-ay!
[laughs]
♪
[dramatic music]
♪
[upbeat Latin music playing]
- You bell pepper bastard!
[drum thunks]
♪
[man screaming,
objects clattering]
[mellow music]
[cool percussive music]
- [groans]
Ugh, so stupid!
[babbles, spits]
- You all right, man?
- Ugh.
Just go back inside, dude.
Just leave me alone.
- Hey, you know, if anything,
you should be happy
that I'm here, man.
- Okay, Luis, why should I
be happy you're here, man?
- Because maybe now the team...
they won't look at you like
the token Latino anymore.
- Listen, dude,
you seem like a nice guy,
but you're projecting, okay?
I'm not the token Latino.
Just Arturo.
That's just what I am, yeah.
- Ah, okay.
Do you ever shout
words of encouragement
to the team in Spanish?
- Yeah, 'cause
it spices up the game.
- Do you give the guys
travel tips
when one of them is planning
a trip to Central America?
- I'm from there.
I wanna give them good tips.
- Well, how about when they're
traveling to Mexico or Spain
or even some parts of Florida?
- Oh, shit.
I'm the token Latino.
- How many times have they
told you they loved "Coco"?
- I'm already on board...
completely sold me.
Do I have to be mad about this?
- No.
It's fine, you know?
We all fill a role.
- Right.
- Shawn...
he's the nerdy white guy.
And Bill, he's the...
Well, he's the nerdy white guy.
And Andrew is
the tall white guy,
who's a little nerdy.
- It still feels like
you're telling me
to be mad about this.
- I'm telling you
we should work together
rather than against
one another.
And neither of us should
have to act a certain way
because people
expect that of us.
Sure, I like spicy food
and drink tequila.
That doesn't make me
any more Latino than you.
- I do enjoy frozen margaritas,
you know?
- Yeah, yeah,
in the same way that
being into Maroon 5 and
getting your eyebrows threaded.
That doesn't make you
any less Latino.
I mean, hey, look,
we just met, but you know,
maybe you don't have rhythm,
or you can't play guitar,
or you're a terrible lover.
- Again, again.
I was already on board.
- The point is,
Latinos come in all
shapes and sizes, man.
Like, hey, I'd known you
for only about four hours,
but I know
you hate the uniform, man.
- It's just so baggy,
you know what I'm saying?
I just wore it 'cause
I thought it looked authentic.
- That's classic.
Classic token.
- Okay, you need
to learn to take a win.
[mellow music]
- The Ohio Marauders
have the ball
in their own 45-yard line.
[overlapping shouting]
And it looks like they're
trying a pass up the middle.
- What are they doing?
- Do you see...
why would they do that, man?
- I can't with
this team anymore.
I'm telling you that
right now, okay?
I have no idea
what they're doing!
- Barter hands off to Perkins.
- Why are you running?
- Why would they do that?
- What the fuck
is he doing, man?
- He gets paid for this?
- What would make them think
that that's a good idea?
- How much this guy get again?
- Wait, why is that guy
handing the ball to that guy,
and then why is
that guy running?
- And what do the lines
on the field mean?
- Why is the ball
shaped that way, man?
- Is his paycheck
direct deposit?
How does he get paid?
- Why are they
dressed like that?
Why aren't they
dressed like us?
- Who are the people
in the seats?
What are their names?
- Why are they
smashing into each other?
[whistle blows]
- Whoa, whoa.
Why'd everybody stop running?
What do those
whistle sounds mean?
- Why is there one guy
wearing a striped shirt?
Why stripes?
- Seattle takes a time-out,
and we'll be right back
after these messages.
- Hey.
Okay...
[chuckles]
[inhales, exhales]
- Oh.
- Good game.
- Great game.
[meat sizzling]
- At Burger Hut,
we know fresh.
[upbeat music]
[all scream]
- Are those pink circles
on the grill?
- Oh, what's that
sizzling sound?
- Now the pink circle's
a brown circle?
- No!
- Is that brown circle
going into a mouth?
- It is!
[all screaming]
[bowl shatters]
[ominous music]
- [screams]
[overlapping shouting]
What is this red stuff?
- I don't know!
[all scream]
[men screaming,
objects crashing]
- Oh, the boys
and their football.
[glass shatters]
- Oh, God!
- I asked Ryan
to explain it to me once,
and I just didn't get it.
- No!
[object crashes]
- What the fuck is going on?
- I don't know!
[men screaming]
♪
[cool percussive music]
♪
- Come on, Bill.
Come on.
Yeah, Bill.
Nice job.
- Hey, Arturo.
- Hey.
- Have a good game, eh?
- You too, cabrón.
Kill it, okay?
- All right.
- Hey, guys, come on.
Let's bring it in.
Bring it in for the huddle.
Here we go.
Let's go.
Let's go. Let's go.
Bring it in, you animals.
Now, listen up.
These guys are pretty good.
But I think we can take them.
Plus, we got our secret weapon.
- [laughs] Well, you know, I
wouldn't exactly call myself...
- Hey, Ruben.
Guys, this is Ruben.
- Hola, muchachos.
- Hey.
- I met Ruben in the
laundromat last weekend.
He just moved here last week
from Paraguay.
- Yeah.
- And he played for
a Third Division team there,
so there's no way
we can lose today.
Ruben, what position you play?
- I'm a striker, of course.
- Oh, that's great!
Okay, we'll put you up top.
Luis...yeah,
you'll play center back.
All right?
That covers everybody.
You guys ready?
- Yeah.
- Let's go get them!
- Whoo!
[all cheering]
[both chuckle]
- Let's take this guy down.
- Oh, he's fucking dead.
[mellow music]
[sultry music]
This is good, honey.
This is really good.
- Uh, no, Aaron,
keep talking to me in Spanish.
It turns me on when you
speak to me en español.
- Sí...
[chuckles]
- Keep going.
Keep going.
- Okay...
[smooches]
- Oh!
Oh, wait.
What was that last one?
- No, before that.
- Oh, God, yes.
That...more of that.
- [moans]
Oh, baby.
It's so hot when you say that.
What does it mean?
- Normal sex stuff.
- [giggles]
- Yeah...
[laughs]
- What kind of sex stuff?
- It just can't be translated,
you know?
- Say it again.
- [moans]
- Mmm.
- Is it a part of my body?
- It's more of a vibe.
I would say a vibe, yeah.
both: Mm-hmm.
- Like, a je ne sais quoi.
- Uh, no French.
Just Spanish.
- Okay.
- Keep going.
- [moans loudly]
- Oh!
- Sí, sí.
- Oh!
- Oh!
- Oh!
- Oh, yes!
- [screaming]
[door clicks]
[both scream]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, dude!
- I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Your neighbor called and said
you were screaming
for a locksmith?
- What?
Is that what cerrajero means?
♪
- Yeah, I'm sorry.
- [softly]
That is so hot.
- Cerrajero.
[both moaning]
- By the way,
you should probably
get a lock on this door.
- Come back tomorrow...
cerrajero.
[both scream excitedly]
Muah!
[cool percussive music]
♪
---
["America the Beautiful"
plays]
- Emma, wow.
What an honor
to be sitting here
with the great granddaughter
of the woman who wrote
the inspiring poem
for the Statue of Liberty.
We love it.
- Love it.
So beautiful.
- But the White House just
had a few teeny, tiny notes
to make it seem more, um...
how do we say this, Linda?
- Modern.
- Modern. Thank you. Yes.
- And everyone here
was so excited that
you'd be the one to update it.
- You, you, you, you, you.
[laughter]
- Okay.
- So, I'm just
being nitpicky here,
but let's take a look
at this part.
"Give me your tired, your poor,
your huddled masses
yearning to breathe free."
- Beautiful.
- It's a message
of inclusion...
- Mm-hmm.
- Of welcoming.
Uniting a nation that...
- I'm sorry.
We get it. [laughs]
- Yeah, we got it.
- And we like the idea
of calling them,
"Your tired, your poor,
your huddled masses."
- That totally clicks with us.
- Don't necessary love the
"give us" part, you know?
- What?
- America isn't currently
in the business
of the tired and the poor
and definitely not
the huddled masses.
- We want to be inviting...
just not that inviting.
- It's thirsty.
- Thank you, Linda.
I was looking for that word.
Yes, it's thirsty.
- Well, it's a nation
of immigrants,
and the statue symbolizes that.
- But it's the
Statue of Liberty,
not the statue of,
"Let's just let everyone in."
[laughs]
You know?
That would be such
a long title.
- But that is quite literally
what it stands for.
- Just take the spirit
of the note.
Let's keep going.
- Okay.
- So, this next part, um,
"The wretched refuse
of your teeming shore."
- Mm, so this one was tricky.
- But we do love the
imagery of the shore.
- Love it.
Very on-brand.
Very provocative.
- And "wretched refuse"...
we love the description
of foreigners, you know?
It evokes human garbage,
but in such a nice way.
- Actually,
it's not supposed to.
- But do we really want all
that garbage on our shores?
I don't know if you've
been up to the Bronx,
but it's pretty full up
on teeming refuse already.
- Oh, my God, Linda.
That was savage.
Maybe we should put that
on the plaque.
- Maybe we should.
- We should.
Let's make a little note.
- I wouldn't do that.
- No, I wouldn't actually...
- Let's keep moving.
"Send these, the homeless,
tempest-tost to me.
I lift my lamp beside
the golden door."
- Again, we love this.
- Love it.
- Love this.
But my gut tells me...and Linda,
tell me if you agree...
but we wanna say
sort of, like, um,
the opposite of that.
- Mm, I agree.
- Does that make any sense?
- [clicks tongue]
Okay, so,
question for you, then.
What are we keeping?
"Teeming?" [laughs]
- No. [laughs]
- No.
"Masses?"
- Oh, no.
- "Mother of exiles?"
- Oh, my goodness, no.
God, no.
- "Oh, God, no"?
Okay.
So then what is left?
[dramatic musical sting]
- Timeless words.
[cool percussive music]
♪
[birds chirping]
[goal clinks]
- [speaks Spanish]
No, that's it. That's it.
Just get on the inside
of your foot a little more
with the ball.
- Oh, thanks, man.
- You got this.
You got this, okay?
Hey, Andrew, you gotta watch
those passes, brother, okay?
They're getting
a little sloppy.
- Okay.
- It's a beautiful game, right?
There's a reason why they call
it "jogo bonito" in Brazil.
- Oh, man, I feel like
I learn more Spanish from you
than I ever did in high school.
- Oh, no, that's Portuguese,
'cause it's Brazil, you know?
- Oh, see?
You keep teaching me.
- Okay.
- [whistles] Hey!
Game's gonna start soon.
Let's bring it in.
Let's bring it in.
Come on!
- Come on, come on, come on.
- Hustle up, you animals.
Come on.
[overlapping chatter]
- Here we go.
Here we go.
- All right, guys, listen up.
These guys are pretty decent,
but I think our team has what
it takes to win today, okay?
- Yeah, we do.
- After all,
we got a secret weapon.
- [laughs]
Don't call me that.
- Hey, Luis.
- Who?
- Guys, this is Luis.
- Hello, everyone.
- He lives in my building.
He's from Honduras.
He's been in the states
for a months and I figured,
hey, this'll be a nice way
to welcome him.
- That's crazy. It's like
your own secret language.
[laughter]
- Hey, Luis.
What position do you play?
- I'm a natural striker.
- Oh, nice.
We'll put you up top.
- Bueno.
Gracias.
- Yeah.
- I'm used to being
the striker, but I got it.
Let's give the new guy...
see if he's any good, you know?
Oh.
Oh, wow.
It's almost painful
how good he is.
- Yeah, for real...
such a jogo bonito.
- Okay, not now, Andrew.
- Don't worry. Don't worry.
We'll find a place for you.
[overlapping shouting]
[men cheering]
Secret weapon, baby!
Secret weapon!
- Great job, guys.
men: Luis! Luis!
- Yeah.
men: Luis!
[mellow music]
[upbeat music]
- Tim.
- Darcy.
- So nice to see you.
- You too. You too.
You look great.
- Thank you.
Tell me about
"Operation Adrenaline."
- [laughs]
Oh, Darcy.
"Operation Adrenaline"
is the biggest
Donovan Crane movie
we've ever done.
- First off, Tim, I loved it.
- [chuckles]
- It's my favorite
in the series.
And the action scenes
in this one are stunning.
Now, you're well into your 50s,
but is it true that
you still do all
of your own sound effects?
- Oh, you caught me.
[laughter]
Yeah, that's all me up there.
And it's tough, but
you do it 'cause you love it.
And I wouldn't say
"well into my 50s."
I'm only eight years in,
but I've been told
I have the throat
of a 22-year-old.
- Ooh.
[suspenseful music]
- Let's rock and roll.
Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba!
[whooshes]
Bang, click, click, click.
[grunting, panting]
Chook-chook.
Kaboom!
Chook-chook.
Kaboom!
Chook-chook.
Kaboom!
[panting]
[whooshing]
- Incredible.
- [whooshes]
- Jumping out of windows,
crashing cars,
helicopter chases...
it feels like there's no
loud noise you can't pull off.
And the director says that
some of the best ideas
come from you?
- Darcy,
I don't like to say that.
No.
Film is a collaborative
process,
and on my film sets,
everyone has a voice,
but not a sound.
Not a sound.
Careful.
That's my department...
[chuckles softly]
All right, so here's
what's gonna happen, right?
I'm gonna crash
through the window,
grab the machine gun...
da-da-da-da-da-da-da!
Then the grenade...
bounce, bounce, kablamo!
Right?
I'm gonna slide over the car.
Turn it on...
[clicking sounds]
[vrooming]
Then I'm gonna turn on
the windshield wipers.
Chook-chook, chook-chook.
Right?
Then I'm gonna...[screeches]
Around the corner and...
[whooshes sharply]
Crash.
Then we got ourselves a movie.
Yeah.
Any suggestions?
Did not think so.
Let's do this!
Whoo!
Team Donovan!
- How do you do it?
I mean, at your age,
is it safe to be
taking on all of these
big crazy sounds?
- Darcy, I have a great team
in case anything
were to go wrong,
but there's always a risk.
There's always a risk.
- And speaking of risk,
is it true that the film
had to stop production
for a few days after you
accidentally bit your tongue?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's true.
[shutter snaps]
But the pain is worth it
in order to give the audience
an honest experience, Darcy.
They need to feel like
it's me up there, you know?
It's what I do, you know?
I make movies and sounds...
incredibly accurate sounds.
- [softly]
Yeah.
- And let's stop it with
the fucking age thing.
[laughter]
- Okay.
- But I'm not without flaws.
Sometimes, the simplest sounds
can be the hardest.
Crunch, crunch, crunch.
Crunch, crunch, crunch.
Snap, crunch.
Muah.
Muah.
Muah!
Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug,
glug, glug, glug, glug, glug.
[exhales]
- Now, to move on from the film
for just a second, Tim,
you're part of an insane cult.
- [chuckles softly]
Smoke bomb!
Crash!
[whooshes]
- Did you get that?
That sounded so real.
Oh, my God.
[mellow music]
[cool percussive music]
[upbeat rock music playing]
- Uh-oh.
Dan-dan-dan! [laughs]
The victory Aperol Spritzes
have arrived, brothers.
All right.
- Oh, uh,
Luis already
bought us Mezcal shots.
- Oh, you just have it
after the shot.
- I got an early day
tomorrow, so...
- Man, I should probably
take it easy tonight.
- Don't worry about it.
[laughs] You know, more for me.
[upbeat trumpet music plays]
men: Oh!
- [speaks Spanish]
[overlapping shouting]
- [laughs]
- You guys like this song?
I put it on just for us.
- Cool.
Sorry, you don't know this,
but we usually put on
"Sunday Morning" by Maroon 5
right after a win.
It really pumps us up,
you know what I'm saying?
- But this is so much better.
[overlapping chatter]
- I don't know if I can
go back to listening
to that Maroon 5 shit
after hearing this.
- How did we ever
listen to that
beautiful vibrato that he has,
you know?
♪
- Oh, hey, what is that?
- Oh.
Chile de árbol.
It's a little embarrassing
to carry it around,
but I just can't eat tacos
without it.
Mmm.
[muffled speech]
- [laughs]
- Be careful.
- Okay, "be careful"...
[laughs]
[sniffs]
Holy shit.
Oh, just smelling it,
like, burned my nose.
- Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
- Hey, cabrón.
Can I get a hit of that, or...
♪
[chuckles]
I like my food spicy.
Everybody knows that.
You know?
That's really...
- [speaks Spanish]
[laughter]
Okay, wow.
That's a lot.
- And if you're gonna do it...
[sniffs]
Then do it right.
Salud.
Mmm, mmm.
Mmm.
[huffs softly]
Milk!
Give me milk!
- We don't have milk!
- You have milk.
Don't lie to me.
- I need some milk, bro!
Just give me milk!
You're lying to me!
It's in my mouth.
[whimpering]
Get out of it.
Get out of it.
[mellow music]
[upbeat Latin music playing]
- ♪ Americanos look at
the fruit in my head ♪
♪ They follow me around
and they give me a pet ♪
♪ But don't be touching my
fruit unless you want a smack ♪
♪ From the lady with
the giant fruity hat ♪
♪ Ay-ay-ay!
[cheers and applause]
- We'll be right back with
"The Carmen Miranda Show"
sponsored by cigarettes.
- No autographs today.
I'm sorry.
[soft dramatic music]
[door clacks]
- So do you have a minute for
the father of your children,
or are you too busy?
- Please.
- So, this is
our life now, huh?
- What's that supposed to mean?
- 12 shows a week...
nights, weekends, matinees.
Our son got
his first tooth today.
Did you even know that?
- That boy is my world.
- He is?
♪
- Carmen, my sweet...oh, sorry.
Break a leg...
[sheepish laugh]
[door slams]
- [sighs] Sometimes,
I think this boy is about
the only good thing you and I
ever did in this world.
- I want you to understand
something, Hector.
It's not my fault you never
made it in this business, hm?
♪
[fruit squelches]
[fruit thunks]
- Pitch.
I need a drink.
- Oh, yeah.
That'll help.
[loud tapping]
[cups clattering]
[glasses clanking]
[blender whirring]
[drink trickling]
- I have to tell you something.
[slurps loudly]
Oh, you're not gonna like it.
- You're keeping the damn boat?
- No.
Your brother killed himself
this morning.
[dramatic music]
- [softly]
He finally did it.
[sobs]
- Oh.
Oh, mi corazón.
Oh...
[shushes]
Mmm.
[soft dramatic music]
♪
Oh, I used to love this city.
Remember that feeling?
What was it?
Hope?
Yeah...
[inhales deeply]
Me neither.
Do you still want
to be with me?
♪
- I don't know.
[crunching softly]
It's time for my next show.
How about we do
this one together
for old time's?
- [slurps loudly]
Okay.
[upbeat Latin music playing]
- ♪ A-chica-chica-boom-chi
♪ Ay-ay-ay!
- [out of tune]
♪ A-chica-chica-boom-chi
♪ Ay-ay-ay!
[laughs]
♪
[dramatic music]
♪
[upbeat Latin music playing]
- You bell pepper bastard!
[drum thunks]
♪
[man screaming,
objects clattering]
[mellow music]
[cool percussive music]
- [groans]
Ugh, so stupid!
[babbles, spits]
- You all right, man?
- Ugh.
Just go back inside, dude.
Just leave me alone.
- Hey, you know, if anything,
you should be happy
that I'm here, man.
- Okay, Luis, why should I
be happy you're here, man?
- Because maybe now the team...
they won't look at you like
the token Latino anymore.
- Listen, dude,
you seem like a nice guy,
but you're projecting, okay?
I'm not the token Latino.
Just Arturo.
That's just what I am, yeah.
- Ah, okay.
Do you ever shout
words of encouragement
to the team in Spanish?
- Yeah, 'cause
it spices up the game.
- Do you give the guys
travel tips
when one of them is planning
a trip to Central America?
- I'm from there.
I wanna give them good tips.
- Well, how about when they're
traveling to Mexico or Spain
or even some parts of Florida?
- Oh, shit.
I'm the token Latino.
- How many times have they
told you they loved "Coco"?
- I'm already on board...
completely sold me.
Do I have to be mad about this?
- No.
It's fine, you know?
We all fill a role.
- Right.
- Shawn...
he's the nerdy white guy.
And Bill, he's the...
Well, he's the nerdy white guy.
And Andrew is
the tall white guy,
who's a little nerdy.
- It still feels like
you're telling me
to be mad about this.
- I'm telling you
we should work together
rather than against
one another.
And neither of us should
have to act a certain way
because people
expect that of us.
Sure, I like spicy food
and drink tequila.
That doesn't make me
any more Latino than you.
- I do enjoy frozen margaritas,
you know?
- Yeah, yeah,
in the same way that
being into Maroon 5 and
getting your eyebrows threaded.
That doesn't make you
any less Latino.
I mean, hey, look,
we just met, but you know,
maybe you don't have rhythm,
or you can't play guitar,
or you're a terrible lover.
- Again, again.
I was already on board.
- The point is,
Latinos come in all
shapes and sizes, man.
Like, hey, I'd known you
for only about four hours,
but I know
you hate the uniform, man.
- It's just so baggy,
you know what I'm saying?
I just wore it 'cause
I thought it looked authentic.
- That's classic.
Classic token.
- Okay, you need
to learn to take a win.
[mellow music]
- The Ohio Marauders
have the ball
in their own 45-yard line.
[overlapping shouting]
And it looks like they're
trying a pass up the middle.
- What are they doing?
- Do you see...
why would they do that, man?
- I can't with
this team anymore.
I'm telling you that
right now, okay?
I have no idea
what they're doing!
- Barter hands off to Perkins.
- Why are you running?
- Why would they do that?
- What the fuck
is he doing, man?
- He gets paid for this?
- What would make them think
that that's a good idea?
- How much this guy get again?
- Wait, why is that guy
handing the ball to that guy,
and then why is
that guy running?
- And what do the lines
on the field mean?
- Why is the ball
shaped that way, man?
- Is his paycheck
direct deposit?
How does he get paid?
- Why are they
dressed like that?
Why aren't they
dressed like us?
- Who are the people
in the seats?
What are their names?
- Why are they
smashing into each other?
[whistle blows]
- Whoa, whoa.
Why'd everybody stop running?
What do those
whistle sounds mean?
- Why is there one guy
wearing a striped shirt?
Why stripes?
- Seattle takes a time-out,
and we'll be right back
after these messages.
- Hey.
Okay...
[chuckles]
[inhales, exhales]
- Oh.
- Good game.
- Great game.
[meat sizzling]
- At Burger Hut,
we know fresh.
[upbeat music]
[all scream]
- Are those pink circles
on the grill?
- Oh, what's that
sizzling sound?
- Now the pink circle's
a brown circle?
- No!
- Is that brown circle
going into a mouth?
- It is!
[all screaming]
[bowl shatters]
[ominous music]
- [screams]
[overlapping shouting]
What is this red stuff?
- I don't know!
[all scream]
[men screaming,
objects crashing]
- Oh, the boys
and their football.
[glass shatters]
- Oh, God!
- I asked Ryan
to explain it to me once,
and I just didn't get it.
- No!
[object crashes]
- What the fuck is going on?
- I don't know!
[men screaming]
♪
[cool percussive music]
♪
- Come on, Bill.
Come on.
Yeah, Bill.
Nice job.
- Hey, Arturo.
- Hey.
- Have a good game, eh?
- You too, cabrón.
Kill it, okay?
- All right.
- Hey, guys, come on.
Let's bring it in.
Bring it in for the huddle.
Here we go.
Let's go.
Let's go. Let's go.
Bring it in, you animals.
Now, listen up.
These guys are pretty good.
But I think we can take them.
Plus, we got our secret weapon.
- [laughs] Well, you know, I
wouldn't exactly call myself...
- Hey, Ruben.
Guys, this is Ruben.
- Hola, muchachos.
- Hey.
- I met Ruben in the
laundromat last weekend.
He just moved here last week
from Paraguay.
- Yeah.
- And he played for
a Third Division team there,
so there's no way
we can lose today.
Ruben, what position you play?
- I'm a striker, of course.
- Oh, that's great!
Okay, we'll put you up top.
Luis...yeah,
you'll play center back.
All right?
That covers everybody.
You guys ready?
- Yeah.
- Let's go get them!
- Whoo!
[all cheering]
[both chuckle]
- Let's take this guy down.
- Oh, he's fucking dead.
[mellow music]
[sultry music]
This is good, honey.
This is really good.
- Uh, no, Aaron,
keep talking to me in Spanish.
It turns me on when you
speak to me en español.
- Sí...
[chuckles]
- Keep going.
Keep going.
- Okay...
[smooches]
- Oh!
Oh, wait.
What was that last one?
- No, before that.
- Oh, God, yes.
That...more of that.
- [moans]
Oh, baby.
It's so hot when you say that.
What does it mean?
- Normal sex stuff.
- [giggles]
- Yeah...
[laughs]
- What kind of sex stuff?
- It just can't be translated,
you know?
- Say it again.
- [moans]
- Mmm.
- Is it a part of my body?
- It's more of a vibe.
I would say a vibe, yeah.
both: Mm-hmm.
- Like, a je ne sais quoi.
- Uh, no French.
Just Spanish.
- Okay.
- Keep going.
- [moans loudly]
- Oh!
- Sí, sí.
- Oh!
- Oh!
- Oh!
- Oh, yes!
- [screaming]
[door clicks]
[both scream]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, dude!
- I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Your neighbor called and said
you were screaming
for a locksmith?
- What?
Is that what cerrajero means?
♪
- Yeah, I'm sorry.
- [softly]
That is so hot.
- Cerrajero.
[both moaning]
- By the way,
you should probably
get a lock on this door.
- Come back tomorrow...
cerrajero.
[both scream excitedly]
Muah!
[cool percussive music]
♪