Alpha Males (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 2 - Episode #1.2 - full transcript
A NETFLIX SERIES
CHANNEL 99
All right, you have to sign right here
and here and right here.
We've given you everything
that you're entitled to.
How nice of you, complying with the law.
Do you need anything else?
My whiteboard.
Pedro, I don't know
why you were fired, but you...
The glass ceiling shattered
and fell on top of me.
Okay, I just wanted
to tell you that I admire you.
I think you're an amazing guy.
Gee, thanks.
I agree with you.
Would you be interested
in joining my team?
As assistant manager?
Do you really think
I'd put my brilliance
at the service of an opportunist
who was handpicked as some
kind of feminist affirmative action?
Hmm. It's not my fault
that things are changing, Pedro.
You sure?
They pay you to think up idiotic shows
that will get high ratings
so they can advertise hair products,
creams for antiaging,
cereals with whole grains
and other mass-produced pieces of garbage
to all these silly little women
who've bought into
the hyped-up empowerment bullshit.
And who pays you?
A crazy old man.
Sorry, honey, but you're
just another pawn of the patriarchy.
And you're a bastard.
Dumb pawn.
Hey, what are you doing with my phone?
Shh! I'm shipping you.
- Shi... what?
- Getting you a date.
No, no. No more dates.
- Really, I'm not going on another.
- Relax, the same woman.
- Who, Ángeles?
- Mm-hmm.
But I slammed the door in her face.
Yeah, that's why I had
to work on an apology.
She'll be your body number one.
Would nine o'clock work?
My body number one?
You have to erase Mom
from your body's memory.
And for that,
you gotta sleep with ten women.
- With ten?
- Mm-hmm.
With ten! Where the hell
did you get that crazy idea?
- I'm sending you the link.
- But what?
This is all nonsense,
seriously.
Uh, first off, I don't need
to erase anything about your mom, okay?
She's been completely erased by now.
Did it on her own.
You're lying.
You have to take the test at the end.
And I actually like being a bachelor.
What test?
Hey, Dad, why even get up in the morning?
You're like the living dead.
You've given up.
I need a good role model.
Someone to look up to.
But ten women's too much.
Really, I've only been
with four or five in total.
Everything moves quicker now.
Dad, YOLO!
YOLO?
You only live once.
HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN YOUR EX?
WHO ENDED THE RELATIONSHIP?
SHE DID. I DIDN'T EXPECT IT AT ALL
Hmm.
I just don't... don't understand it.
I don't see the need for it at all.
All right, we'll just carry on
like everyone else then.
Mm-hmm.
And we'll just let this hang
over us until we become distant.
Yeah, like every other damn couple.
It doesn't matter. Forget it.
You're just not emotionally ready now.
- I've lived more than you.
- Hey!
Hey, cool it, Obi-Wan, okay?
I've been around the block.
I mean... I... I've seen some crazy...
wow, crazy stuff.
It's very difficult to find people
who are mature and sure of themselves.
- You think I'm immature?
- You're scared shitless.
Scared of what?
Admit it, darling.
You couldn't handle an open relationship.
I mean, come on. Can you really
see me doing stuff with another girl?
Yeah, why not?
Yeah, with some young 20-something girl
with perky tits and a tight ass,
both of us bare naked,
writhing in bed, sweating it out, huh?
- Is that a yes?
- No, don't put words in my mouth.
Oh, because I was getting
all horny listening to that.
- We'll talk it through.
- What is there to talk about?
I'm going. I'm late already.
I said no, okay?
I made coffee, and I just went
and bought some fresh croissants.
- Don't buy me this junk. I'll eat it all.
- Wanna go out tonight?
Mmm! Let's save money
and have dinner here.
I bought these vegan hamburgers that'll
make you forget about steak forever.
Save for what?
I'm sure they'll start fighting over me.
Enjoy your freedom.
Come on and reinvent yourself.
Didn't you always say
you never had time for anything? Hmm?
Read, hang out with your buddies, hmm.
Install the new kitchen faucet.
I don't know, live a little.
What? Faucet?
Ta-da! This faucet.
What's wrong with the one we've got?
This one's like those industrial ones.
It stretches like a garden hose.
Good morning.
- Good morning, Patri.
- She doesn't know, hmm?
Hmm, there's no need to tell her.
She may quit.
Wanna spend the day together
and go shopping?
Oh, more spending.
Well, we could just walk
and hold hands. That's free.
Hmm. I'm meeting Cynthia. She was gifted
a beauty treatment and invited me along.
- How nice of your sister, the influencer.
- Hmm.
- Content creator. Thank you.
- All right.
- Are you off today, sir?
- Taking a sick day.
Ah. Enjoy it. You work so hard, sir.
Yeah.
Okay, when would you say that
your sex problems first arose?
You said we were going
to buy a new coffee maker.
Our sex life was washed away
a long time ago by two tsunamis.
Iris and Ulises, our two children.
The one with the pods.
And he has the sex drive of a plant.
It's 'cause she wants it when I'm tired.
I'm under a lot of stress.
- I'm a police officer.
- Local.
Jaywalking, public drinking,
parking violations.
And she's a driving instructor,
which is a whole lot more exciting.
Okay, I'm gonna stop you there.
First and foremost, no personal attacks.
Remember that you're on the same team.
Like many couples,
you have a communication problem.
My first recommendation is that you talk.
Well, we do talk.
It's the only thing we do.
There's a lot of social pressure
about how much sex a couple should have,
but the important thing is quality.
And for that, it's important to talk.
To talk about sex without fear.
About each other's tastes,
about what it is you miss.
Well, fucking.
I had a patient
who was strongly feminist,
and she was mortified when she was
turned on by being called a slut in bed.
If it turns you on,
what's the problem with your partner
calling you a "slut"?
None at all. If she likes it.
You'd be surprised
by how many men who are hetero
would like to be fingered
in the anus by their partner.
But they don't dare to ask.
- Would you like me to finger you in your...
- No. Not really, no.
Hmm.
Is that something you'd like?
Well, like to, no, but...
You see that? You're talking now.
Oh, my God! Patricia, excuse me.
Sorry, need to come in here?
No, no. Go on, go on.
There is more bathrooms.
RELIGION FOR SHEEP
- Oh, I didn't know you were here.
- No problem.
Keep on vacuuming. I'll read upstairs.
Motherfucker.
Friends, the next step is very easy.
Now that we've finished
installing the faucet,
let's check the connection with the valve
that supplies water to the faucet.
It's very easy.
All done.
And as you can see, it works perfectly.
There's no water coming out.
No leaks at all, no drips.
In short, no issues at all.
- Shut up, asshole.
- Are you okay, sir?
Do you need any help?
This damn faucet
doesn't work at all.
Oh, I'll take care of it. Don't worry.
Oh, so you know how to fix a faucet.
This is the first time it's happened.
And it had to be me?
Do you, I don't know, wanna try it again?
Sweetie, if I want bad sex,
I already have my husband.
Seventeen years.
SWINGING
Seventeen years of happiness.
And suddenly, she's a different person.
It's like she's transformed into my enemy.
There's, like, I don't know,
all this silence at home,
all this tension.
Um, hello?
Yes. Ah, yes, sorry, Jesús.
I'm taking some notes for the lawsuit.
Okay, on her phone,
I saw the list of calls,
and I saw she'd called her cousin Almudena
160 times in a month.
- I didn't believe it.
- Mm-hmm.
Plus, I have her number,
and it's different. Ha!
She made such a scene.
She said it was invasion of her privacy.
You bitch, you're the one cheating on me.
- Of course. Uh-huh.
- Sure.
- Excuse me.
- Hmm.
Tell me.
What are you doing?
I've missed you.
Working now. You all right?
Yes, yes.
You like me calling you out
of the blue like this?
- Hey, I've gotta go. I'm with a client.
- With a client?
Like, at the office or...
- Uh, uh, Luz?
- I assume you've paid for the hotel?
- Thank you.
- All right.
What happened to you, buddy?
- I think I pulled a muscle in my back.
- What's up, you guys?
Where you been, macho man?
Uh, sorting out some business.
Where's Duna?
Picking her kid up. He's sick. Go on,
serve your friends and your parents.
But make sure to charge them though.
I know you.
Hey.
- How are you, sweetie? Mmm! Mmm!
- What are you doing here?
- We've started going on morning walks.
- I'm a guy who needs incentives, my boy.
Ah!
Look what I brought you.
Mama, I really don't need any food.
I own a restaurant.
Well, then why don't you just share them
with the boys?
Hi, guys. Empanadas with tuna.
- Thank you.
- Bravo!
Oh, hurry, warm these up.
In the oven, don't nuke them.
Come on, please, I gotta work now.
But we came to see you.
You never come see us.
Okay, Dad, I've been busy for a while.
Come here. Give it to me, you ingrate.
Thanks, Pili.
They're tuna.
Have you seen your mom's ass
in those?
She's got the ass of a goddess.
Dad, come on. Get out.
- I love you.
- See you later.
Mmm!
Hey, your parents are proof
that happy marriages do exist.
Look at 'em. I like that.
Damn, yeah, that's true.
A different generation. Doesn't count.
- Of course they count. They count more.
- No, they don't count.
What are you up to tonight?
Wanna go get drinks?
No, I can't.
- Me neither.
- I have a date with Ángeles.
From Tinder? You're back for more?
Oh, no,
Álex convinced her to see me again.
Oh, Álex got you another date.
- She worries about me. The poor thing.
- Yeah.
Yeah, or she wants to turn your place
into a love shack, you know.
You're such pig. She's only 16 years old.
- She gets laid more than you.
- Well, that's not so hard.
No, my kid doesn't think like you,
you perverts.
Come on, Santi, accept it.
Álex is messing around. No big deal.
Don't say that. My God!
- She is. She's already punched the V card.
- God damn.
Stuffed the turkey, popped the cherry.
Plugged in the pen drive.
- Um...
- You're really so disgusting.
You all are a bunch of sickos.
You know that? Every one of you is.
- Hey, she's gonna do a little banging.
- Like I said, sick.
Oh!
LORETO'S DRIVING SCHOOL
Garage number 11, opening up.
Thank you, you're very kind.
Let's go.
Hope nobody sees us.
I can't believe we're doing this.
Straight from the garage to the bedroom.
It's so sad coming here with your husband.
- Didn't you want some privacy?
- Yes, I know, but this is so sad.
A bit.
Hey, we can always turn around.
No way. Your mom's watching the kids
for once. Come on, let's do it.
All right,
the therapist said we should talk.
- Correct.
- About sex.
Well, let's talk about sex then.
All right. Uh, okay,
but don't take things the wrong way.
- No, no, go on.
- Okay.
Do you have any sexual urges
throughout the day?
I mean, okay,
I'll just... I'll kick things off.
Do you masturbate?
I jerk off constantly, Esther.
Where at?
I don't know, shower, work, anywhere.
- At work?
- Mm-hmm. In the patrol car.
When, uh, Julián goes for coffee, I do it.
Um, eww, that's so disgusting.
Well, you asked.
Okay, what do you think of when you...
- I think of you.
- Luis.
And who do you think about?
Well, I think about other guys.
But now I'll start thinking
about you.
You can be my new fantasy.
Oh, okay, okay. Well, I don't mind.
- You like that I think of others?
- Why would I like that?
Some people like that.
Would you like it
if I thought about others?
Why are you asking the same things?
Don't know. It came to mind now.
Luis, I need you
to take more initiative, okay?
I mean, when you feel horny, come find me.
If I'm in the kitchen, we'll do it there.
And the kids?
The kids need new hobbies.
They spend too much time at home, dear.
Yeah, but we've got two,
and hobbies are expensive.
Look, really, this doesn't...
it doesn't make any sense at all.
I'm like... like naked here,
right here at a hotel.
We came here to fuck,
and I'm not even horny.
No, me either,
because you're telling me off.
Should we go in the pool?
No way. I'm not going in there.
Honest, I couldn't
be bothered to go out with you again,
but you really amused me
with your groveling.
- Yeah. I was very insistent, huh?
- Hmm.
I'm not normally that annoying.
I said to myself, "Fuck,
I must really turn him on."
But let me tell you,
having your self-esteem boosted at my age,
well, it really feels so great.
Yeah, well, good to hear.
Uh, because you know, that isn't...
that's really not my style.
It isn't. Seriously.
So, Santi, tell me about you.
What are you looking for exactly?
Uh, well, well, I...
- I was married.
- Oh.
But she's dead now.
- Oof!
- She died in a car accident.
- She crashed head-on into a bus.
- Oof!
School bus.
No kids were hurt. Oof, you know.
But anyway, must've seen it on the news.
- It was a big tragedy.
- Uh-uh.
No, actually,
it wasn't on the news after all.
It wasn't on because there was an attack,
an important vote or something.
I don't know. Pandemic.
Something happened that day
and took the spotlight off of it. Yeah.
Yeah. I'm sorry. How hard.
She can really be a bitch. Karma.
Oh.
Um, got any kids?
Uh, yes, a daughter.
She's, uh, 16 years old.
But you know, I barely see her.
She has a life of her own and...
Mm, yeah. We both know that, right?
You know, kids at that age.
And what are they like?
They're a different generation.
They're much more grown-up
than we were back then.
More grown-up, what do you mean by that?
Look, Santi,
I lost my virginity when I was 22,
and these little pricks are
having orgies when they're 15 years old.
- Orgies?
- Hmm.
Orgies.
They see sex in a different way
is what I mean.
But, listen, I do think
it's a very healthy thing, right?
Your table is ready.
- Okay. Ángeles, I gotta go.
- What?
Yes, uh, nice seeing you.
I had such a great time,
but I've just gotta... I have an emergency,
and I'm sorry. I gotta go.
You're fucking kidding, right? Santi!
What's going on? What's going on?
- Holy shit, Dad. What's wrong, hmm?
- Let's see.
No, just...
I heard... I heard a weird noise,
and I was worried about you, you know.
And your date?
She... she had to leave.
- She had a headache.
- You talked about Mom, didn't...
What smells so weird?
- You feel okay?
- Of course.
- What's this, huh?
- Homework.
I'm so very proud of you, you know.
Keep studying.
Study hard, honey, study hard.
God damn it.
POSTS
Hello!
I'm here in this big house,
seeing my sister.
Well, well,
and who do we have here in the kitchen?
It's my bro-in-law.
He's made dinner for us.
Don't film me.
Well, he's in a bad mood
because he got fired from work.
- So you told her?
- Cynthia, not now.
Relax, I'll edit it out. It's not live.
- Mmm!
- What happened to your face?
Mm. It's a bit swollen from the treatment.
Yes, but you're gonna love it.
Tomorrow, baby face.
Hey, let me know about Tenerife
'cause I gotta give an answer.
- Mm.
- Are you coming with me?
What's this about Tenerife?
She's invited to stay at this hotel
this weekend. We can come.
- You up for it? There's a spa.
- We'll think about it.
- Now that you have time.
- Why did they fire you?
Are you going to stay here for dinner,
or are you leaving?
Oh.
She'll go. She'll go. She'll go. Come on.
I mean, who's gonna hire him
now because of his old age?
- Love you.
- Love you more.
Honey, I'm here.
- Hello.
- Mmm!
What's this?
Open it.
"Spreading the Love,
a Guide to Open Relationships."
- Mm-hmm.
- Hmm.
Look here. This is my favorite one.
"Instinctive Promiscuity."
- The possibilities are endless.
- Hmm.
An emotionally polyamorous couple
or sexually polyamorous
or romantic anarchists, poly-fidelity...
I want you to meet my parents.
What? Isn't it a bit soon?
What do you mean?
We've been dating for three years.
I think it's about time.
Yes. Well, I... okay, at the right moment.
Look here. "Basic rules."
"One. Start with a solid relationship."
"Two. Avoid being jealous."
That's something we'll need to work on.
Wanna have dinner with them tomorrow?
Oh, but tomorrow I wanted to take you
to this place that's amazing.
Didn't you say that to have an open
relationship things gotta be solid?
Yeah.
A relationship isn't solid
until your girlfriend bites the bullet
and meets her in-laws. It's the way it is.
Okay, well, let's see them tomorrow.
But make it early, okay? I have work.
You'll love them. Ha!
Good morning, my little slut.
Look what I've got.
All for you.
- What are you doing?
- Huh?
What the hell!
9,112 VIEWS
"Starting out my day."
Oh, God, sweet Jesus.
No, no, no, hang on!
Stop, stop, stop, stop!
Phone higher.
You'll give me a double chin, no.
Your legs look longer,
because of the perspective.
- Can you see the brand though?
- Yes, yes. Perfect.
You getting paid to promote that?
Not yet, no. Not yet.
Wait, Patri.
I'm gonna get changed, okay? Ow!
Hmm.
Not working today either, sir?
No, uh, I took the week off, actually.
Oh, how nice. You work so hard.
Hey, why are you making
the maid take photos?
A photographer costs a lot, you know.
Look, honey, what am I here for?
You serious?
Jesus! Careful.
You'll get yourself killed.
Try to look out for cars.
Good.
How's that? A bit closer.
- Try turning.
- Good. Come on, one more.
Come on, I mean,
we're not 15 years old anymore.
No, no, sir. This way, please.
Great. Yes, thank you.
Yeah, excellent angle. That's good.
Oh! Oops, sorry. Sorry.
That's it.
Right there. Yeah, that's amazing!
Hey, you!
Can't you see we're recording right now?
- Come on, knock it off.
- Excuse me.
- I asked you to... come on!
- Calm down. Whoa!
But she said take the initiative.
- Literally.
- And I was still sleeping.
- That's a kind of rape.
- Wow.
You said, "If you're hard, go for it."
Isn't that what you said?
Sex is more beautiful
if your partner is also conscious
during the act though.
Mm-hmm.
Then in 24 hours,
I've gone from asexual to rapist.
I just don't get it.
Well, it's not that difficult.
You could say good morning first.
Be polite.
- I said, "Good morning, you little slut."
- Little slut?
"Look what I've got for you."
Look, if I don't respond,
it's because I didn't hear you, hmm?
You could also make me coffee,
to wake me up.
Well, how long do you think
an erection lasts at my age?
I don't know. You tell me.
I don't know. I... I give up.
I'm just... I'm just so lost right now.
You really fucked my date up.
Thanks, guys.
I hurried home in terror,
and Álex was sitting there studying,
like an angel.
Okay, she heard you arrive,
and the boyfriend jumped out the window.
We live on the fifth floor.
What is he, Batman?
Ah, don't worry,
just go out again with Ángeles.
With Ángeles? No. No, guys.
It's the second time
I've ditched her, poor thing.
No fixing that.
Who is that? Ángeles?
- Pick it up.
- No, no, no, no, no.
You should answer it.
Turn the speaker on. Turn the...
I don't want to, damn it!
Ángeles! Ángeles. Hello!
I... I... I'm... I'm sor...
I'm very sorry
about the other day, really.
Look, I... I...
I have to tell you that I have this tick.
And I have to check the gas stove,
and I got all anxious about that.
The truth is that I just couldn't...
What?
- What?
- Uh, okay, perfect. Yes.
Well, send me your address.
Got it, yes.
Okay, wonderful.
Okay, okay, okay.
See you soon. See you soon.
And?
She... she said I should come over
and stop playing games.
- Hell yeah!
- Santi!
They're gonna fix your phimosis.
Hey, come on, please, stop, stop.
Are you all gonna freak out
every time I go on a date?
Yeah.
What should we do? We could hit the town.
Uh, no, no, today's impossible.
Got this thing at home that...
I'm going to dinner with Luz.
I'm introducing her to my parents.
What?
They've been married for 44 years.
Forty-four years.
Ha! Easier said than done.
And they're still happy.
They even still have sex.
Can you believe it?
Thank you for the info.
Mom!
Sweetheart! Ramón, it's our boy.
How were the empanadas? They were tuna.
Yes, uh, delicious.
Hey, I'm gonna come over for dinner
to introduce you to Luz.
- Which Luz?
- His girlfriend.
- Oh, Sol?
- That was a different one.
- There in half an hour.
- Oh, today? No! No, no, no, no, no.
- We... we can't today.
- Why not?
- Mama.
- We're going to a concert.
We're going with Aunt Alicia
and Uncle Javier
to the National Auditorium.
But since
when do you like classical music?
Hang up, Pili. We'll be late.
This Sunday.
Come on Sunday for stew.
Kisses, sweetie-pie. I love you.
What? We're not going, huh?
- They're going to a concert.
- Why didn't you ask them before?
I never schedule with my parents.
They're always home.
Let's go. We should get a drink now.
But you... hey, what a beautiful marriage
they've got, huh?
- Uh-huh.
- They even go out to concerts and stuff.
Forty-four years.
- I know.
- And they hold hands in public.
Tricolor quinoa with mixed vegetables,
a stew with seitan protein
and eggplant pâté with crudités.
And for our drink, kombucha.
Let's see. That's it. Ginger, my favorite.
This is all accompanied
by this marvelous cardboard flatbread,
which is so good.
Well, at least it's edible.
Look, really, if you don't like it,
use it to fix a wonky table instead.
I don't know who makes this bread.
However, since they're in Germany,
they won't find out.
Mm. I've gotta go.
My boyfriend is giving me the look.
Bye.
- Mmm.
- We having this for dinner?
Or was it just for the video?
Patri made it for us with all her love.
I've worn her out reading vegan recipes.
Poor little thing.
Hey, weren't you going out
with your friends now?
People say that work absorbs you,
but that's a lie.
It's life that absorbs you.
- What?
- Everyone has their families now.
Nothing's like it was before,
when we did what we wanted.
Growing old really sucks.
Honey, I think you're in shock.
Don't overthink it all.
This one's so good. I love it.
Hey,
why are you always on your toes?
It makes my legs look skinny.
- Wow!
- And why are you laughing at the sky?
Well, I'm quickly getting more
and more followers, smart-ass.
People love my style. Is that a problem?
No, not at all.
As long as you're entertained.
Ángeles, your date's here.
How are you?
Uh, that's your mother, huh? Uh...
What's your problem, huh?
- Do you like teasing me or what?
- Uh, mm...
Hey, wait, wait, wait!
Uh, it's just
I haven't been honest with you.
What? You're married, huh?
Look, I don't care
No, no, no, no, no. I'm divorced now,
but my ex isn't really dead.
Okay, relax. She'll die sooner or later.
No, no, no. Let me say something.
Uh, so we split up three years ago.
- Because she cheated on me.
- Hmm.
I forgave her,
but she moved in with the other guy.
And even though
I truly hate her with all my soul,
every single day I hope she'll crawl back
and beg me to forgive her,
because the saddest thing of all
is that I'm still in love with her.
And, hmm, how does that affect us two?
Hmm. I don't know.
What are you looking for?
- An orgasm.
- Well, then that doesn't affect us.
Oh! Hang on. Hang on, hot shot.
Why are you in such a hurry?
- Eh?
- I'm gonna need some lube.
I think it's on my nightstand.
Oh, okay.
Oh, hurry up, for God's sake!
I want you in me!
Got it.
Rub it on me, could you?
Uh, yes, sure.
Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes.
- Ah, now! Ah, now! Do it now!
- Yeah, now?
- Oh! Ow! No! Stop, stop, stop!
- What?
- Oh! It stings. Oh! It stings. It stings!
- What?
- It's burning me! It's stinging!
- All right.
Oh, my God, fuck you.
Ah! Oh, holy shit, holy shit!
MOISTURIZING CREAM FOR DRY FEET
LUBRICANT
No fucking way. Oh.
Fuck me! A 30-euro cover charge.
Is dinner included or what?
Hello. Two gin and tonics, please.
Let's see. As you seem a bit unsure,
I thought it'd be good for us to debut
our new relationship in the public arena,
the two of us.
Let's have a drink, see what happens.
And listen...
Wait a minute, wait.
Where have you brought me, Luz?
This is a swingers' club, darling.
- Swingers?
- Yes.
- Hey, there, son.
- What are you doing here?
Is this your girlfriend?
Yes, Luz. Uh, hi, there.
I'm making you a stew on Sunday.
That sounds good, huh?
- Yes, very much.
- Her stew is stupendous.
Mama, you have a... a nipple piercing.
For my birthday.
It was a gift from your father.
It got infected.
She had to take antibiotics.
- It was horrible.
- Oh, look.
Oh! We're going in the jacuzzi.
before it gets too crowded to fit in.
See you later.
- You two have fun. See you later.
- Bye, now. See you later.
But, uh, I thought they had a concert.
With my aunt and uncle.
Sure. Hmm.
Thank you.
Javier and Alicia. My... my aunt Alicia.
Right.
I'm home now, Álex!
Álex.
- Yeah, be out in a second!
- Huh.
Nothing. Uh, my thing
with Ángeles is over, okay?
Body number one, that one's down.
Double check mark, right? Uh...
That's great, huh? Congratulations.
Who's under there?
Me. I'm studying.
No, no. There. There. What's under there?
Oh, this here?
Mm, they're cushions to hold my laptop up.
Come out. Hey, man, out.
There's no problem, really. Don't worry.
Hmm.
Have a good night.
Well, at least they're fucking.
Luz.
Okay, do they get a discount,
like, in museums?
My parents are swingers.
The world's going to hell.
Look, now we know
how they've kept up the passion.
What more proof do you need?
That's it. Fuck it all. Wanna get married?
Keep your eyes on the road!
It has chocolate on it
because I hid it inside that coulant.
But since you ordered
violet ice cream, well...
Raúl, you know I'm a divorce lawyer
who's also divorced.
- So?
- Of course not.
Is that what you really want?
No, I wanna go back to a week ago,
to when my girlfriend
didn't want an open relationship
and my mother
was a woman without piercings
who made empanadas with tuna.
Honey, I don't want you to do anything
that makes you uncomfortable.
Look, no, no, no, no. I'm uncomfortable.
I don't want anyone banging my girlfriend.
Call me a weirdo.
I love you,
but I no longer believe in monogamy.
I don't believe in the dirty things that
those people do, people like my parents.
Okay, fine, now what do we do?
But I'm telling you
to do whatever you want to.
But you shouldn't say that.
You should support me, man.
You're not the center of the universe.
I think it's amazing
that you wanna be an influ...
Creator of content.
But there are millions. Millions, Daniela.
What makes you so special?
When you talk to me
in that condescending shitty little tone,
as if you were my dad,
I swear I wanna beat your ass.
You're the one that treats me like a fool.
"Reinvent yourself, go with the flow."
Here I am fixing the faucet.
- Taking dopey photos.
- You're the one who offered to do it.
And do not get me started on that trip.
Ah-ah! So you don't wanna go
on vacation with me?
- With you, yes.
- Sure.
But not with your sister,
Miss Treatments, God no.
- But yes, I'll come with you.
- Hey, listen.
If you're pissed because you got fired,
don't take it out on me, okay?
I'm not pissed, my love.
I'm reinventing myself.
Go fuck yourself.
And go get unemployment.
Don't you worry.
I'll go to Tenerife by myself.
Good.
That look hot?
- Care for another margarita?
- Yes, thank you.
Oh, and a shot. Uh, anything.
CHANNEL 99
All right, you have to sign right here
and here and right here.
We've given you everything
that you're entitled to.
How nice of you, complying with the law.
Do you need anything else?
My whiteboard.
Pedro, I don't know
why you were fired, but you...
The glass ceiling shattered
and fell on top of me.
Okay, I just wanted
to tell you that I admire you.
I think you're an amazing guy.
Gee, thanks.
I agree with you.
Would you be interested
in joining my team?
As assistant manager?
Do you really think
I'd put my brilliance
at the service of an opportunist
who was handpicked as some
kind of feminist affirmative action?
Hmm. It's not my fault
that things are changing, Pedro.
You sure?
They pay you to think up idiotic shows
that will get high ratings
so they can advertise hair products,
creams for antiaging,
cereals with whole grains
and other mass-produced pieces of garbage
to all these silly little women
who've bought into
the hyped-up empowerment bullshit.
And who pays you?
A crazy old man.
Sorry, honey, but you're
just another pawn of the patriarchy.
And you're a bastard.
Dumb pawn.
Hey, what are you doing with my phone?
Shh! I'm shipping you.
- Shi... what?
- Getting you a date.
No, no. No more dates.
- Really, I'm not going on another.
- Relax, the same woman.
- Who, Ángeles?
- Mm-hmm.
But I slammed the door in her face.
Yeah, that's why I had
to work on an apology.
She'll be your body number one.
Would nine o'clock work?
My body number one?
You have to erase Mom
from your body's memory.
And for that,
you gotta sleep with ten women.
- With ten?
- Mm-hmm.
With ten! Where the hell
did you get that crazy idea?
- I'm sending you the link.
- But what?
This is all nonsense,
seriously.
Uh, first off, I don't need
to erase anything about your mom, okay?
She's been completely erased by now.
Did it on her own.
You're lying.
You have to take the test at the end.
And I actually like being a bachelor.
What test?
Hey, Dad, why even get up in the morning?
You're like the living dead.
You've given up.
I need a good role model.
Someone to look up to.
But ten women's too much.
Really, I've only been
with four or five in total.
Everything moves quicker now.
Dad, YOLO!
YOLO?
You only live once.
HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN YOUR EX?
WHO ENDED THE RELATIONSHIP?
SHE DID. I DIDN'T EXPECT IT AT ALL
Hmm.
I just don't... don't understand it.
I don't see the need for it at all.
All right, we'll just carry on
like everyone else then.
Mm-hmm.
And we'll just let this hang
over us until we become distant.
Yeah, like every other damn couple.
It doesn't matter. Forget it.
You're just not emotionally ready now.
- I've lived more than you.
- Hey!
Hey, cool it, Obi-Wan, okay?
I've been around the block.
I mean... I... I've seen some crazy...
wow, crazy stuff.
It's very difficult to find people
who are mature and sure of themselves.
- You think I'm immature?
- You're scared shitless.
Scared of what?
Admit it, darling.
You couldn't handle an open relationship.
I mean, come on. Can you really
see me doing stuff with another girl?
Yeah, why not?
Yeah, with some young 20-something girl
with perky tits and a tight ass,
both of us bare naked,
writhing in bed, sweating it out, huh?
- Is that a yes?
- No, don't put words in my mouth.
Oh, because I was getting
all horny listening to that.
- We'll talk it through.
- What is there to talk about?
I'm going. I'm late already.
I said no, okay?
I made coffee, and I just went
and bought some fresh croissants.
- Don't buy me this junk. I'll eat it all.
- Wanna go out tonight?
Mmm! Let's save money
and have dinner here.
I bought these vegan hamburgers that'll
make you forget about steak forever.
Save for what?
I'm sure they'll start fighting over me.
Enjoy your freedom.
Come on and reinvent yourself.
Didn't you always say
you never had time for anything? Hmm?
Read, hang out with your buddies, hmm.
Install the new kitchen faucet.
I don't know, live a little.
What? Faucet?
Ta-da! This faucet.
What's wrong with the one we've got?
This one's like those industrial ones.
It stretches like a garden hose.
Good morning.
- Good morning, Patri.
- She doesn't know, hmm?
Hmm, there's no need to tell her.
She may quit.
Wanna spend the day together
and go shopping?
Oh, more spending.
Well, we could just walk
and hold hands. That's free.
Hmm. I'm meeting Cynthia. She was gifted
a beauty treatment and invited me along.
- How nice of your sister, the influencer.
- Hmm.
- Content creator. Thank you.
- All right.
- Are you off today, sir?
- Taking a sick day.
Ah. Enjoy it. You work so hard, sir.
Yeah.
Okay, when would you say that
your sex problems first arose?
You said we were going
to buy a new coffee maker.
Our sex life was washed away
a long time ago by two tsunamis.
Iris and Ulises, our two children.
The one with the pods.
And he has the sex drive of a plant.
It's 'cause she wants it when I'm tired.
I'm under a lot of stress.
- I'm a police officer.
- Local.
Jaywalking, public drinking,
parking violations.
And she's a driving instructor,
which is a whole lot more exciting.
Okay, I'm gonna stop you there.
First and foremost, no personal attacks.
Remember that you're on the same team.
Like many couples,
you have a communication problem.
My first recommendation is that you talk.
Well, we do talk.
It's the only thing we do.
There's a lot of social pressure
about how much sex a couple should have,
but the important thing is quality.
And for that, it's important to talk.
To talk about sex without fear.
About each other's tastes,
about what it is you miss.
Well, fucking.
I had a patient
who was strongly feminist,
and she was mortified when she was
turned on by being called a slut in bed.
If it turns you on,
what's the problem with your partner
calling you a "slut"?
None at all. If she likes it.
You'd be surprised
by how many men who are hetero
would like to be fingered
in the anus by their partner.
But they don't dare to ask.
- Would you like me to finger you in your...
- No. Not really, no.
Hmm.
Is that something you'd like?
Well, like to, no, but...
You see that? You're talking now.
Oh, my God! Patricia, excuse me.
Sorry, need to come in here?
No, no. Go on, go on.
There is more bathrooms.
RELIGION FOR SHEEP
- Oh, I didn't know you were here.
- No problem.
Keep on vacuuming. I'll read upstairs.
Motherfucker.
Friends, the next step is very easy.
Now that we've finished
installing the faucet,
let's check the connection with the valve
that supplies water to the faucet.
It's very easy.
All done.
And as you can see, it works perfectly.
There's no water coming out.
No leaks at all, no drips.
In short, no issues at all.
- Shut up, asshole.
- Are you okay, sir?
Do you need any help?
This damn faucet
doesn't work at all.
Oh, I'll take care of it. Don't worry.
Oh, so you know how to fix a faucet.
This is the first time it's happened.
And it had to be me?
Do you, I don't know, wanna try it again?
Sweetie, if I want bad sex,
I already have my husband.
Seventeen years.
SWINGING
Seventeen years of happiness.
And suddenly, she's a different person.
It's like she's transformed into my enemy.
There's, like, I don't know,
all this silence at home,
all this tension.
Um, hello?
Yes. Ah, yes, sorry, Jesús.
I'm taking some notes for the lawsuit.
Okay, on her phone,
I saw the list of calls,
and I saw she'd called her cousin Almudena
160 times in a month.
- I didn't believe it.
- Mm-hmm.
Plus, I have her number,
and it's different. Ha!
She made such a scene.
She said it was invasion of her privacy.
You bitch, you're the one cheating on me.
- Of course. Uh-huh.
- Sure.
- Excuse me.
- Hmm.
Tell me.
What are you doing?
I've missed you.
Working now. You all right?
Yes, yes.
You like me calling you out
of the blue like this?
- Hey, I've gotta go. I'm with a client.
- With a client?
Like, at the office or...
- Uh, uh, Luz?
- I assume you've paid for the hotel?
- Thank you.
- All right.
What happened to you, buddy?
- I think I pulled a muscle in my back.
- What's up, you guys?
Where you been, macho man?
Uh, sorting out some business.
Where's Duna?
Picking her kid up. He's sick. Go on,
serve your friends and your parents.
But make sure to charge them though.
I know you.
Hey.
- How are you, sweetie? Mmm! Mmm!
- What are you doing here?
- We've started going on morning walks.
- I'm a guy who needs incentives, my boy.
Ah!
Look what I brought you.
Mama, I really don't need any food.
I own a restaurant.
Well, then why don't you just share them
with the boys?
Hi, guys. Empanadas with tuna.
- Thank you.
- Bravo!
Oh, hurry, warm these up.
In the oven, don't nuke them.
Come on, please, I gotta work now.
But we came to see you.
You never come see us.
Okay, Dad, I've been busy for a while.
Come here. Give it to me, you ingrate.
Thanks, Pili.
They're tuna.
Have you seen your mom's ass
in those?
She's got the ass of a goddess.
Dad, come on. Get out.
- I love you.
- See you later.
Mmm!
Hey, your parents are proof
that happy marriages do exist.
Look at 'em. I like that.
Damn, yeah, that's true.
A different generation. Doesn't count.
- Of course they count. They count more.
- No, they don't count.
What are you up to tonight?
Wanna go get drinks?
No, I can't.
- Me neither.
- I have a date with Ángeles.
From Tinder? You're back for more?
Oh, no,
Álex convinced her to see me again.
Oh, Álex got you another date.
- She worries about me. The poor thing.
- Yeah.
Yeah, or she wants to turn your place
into a love shack, you know.
You're such pig. She's only 16 years old.
- She gets laid more than you.
- Well, that's not so hard.
No, my kid doesn't think like you,
you perverts.
Come on, Santi, accept it.
Álex is messing around. No big deal.
Don't say that. My God!
- She is. She's already punched the V card.
- God damn.
Stuffed the turkey, popped the cherry.
Plugged in the pen drive.
- Um...
- You're really so disgusting.
You all are a bunch of sickos.
You know that? Every one of you is.
- Hey, she's gonna do a little banging.
- Like I said, sick.
Oh!
LORETO'S DRIVING SCHOOL
Garage number 11, opening up.
Thank you, you're very kind.
Let's go.
Hope nobody sees us.
I can't believe we're doing this.
Straight from the garage to the bedroom.
It's so sad coming here with your husband.
- Didn't you want some privacy?
- Yes, I know, but this is so sad.
A bit.
Hey, we can always turn around.
No way. Your mom's watching the kids
for once. Come on, let's do it.
All right,
the therapist said we should talk.
- Correct.
- About sex.
Well, let's talk about sex then.
All right. Uh, okay,
but don't take things the wrong way.
- No, no, go on.
- Okay.
Do you have any sexual urges
throughout the day?
I mean, okay,
I'll just... I'll kick things off.
Do you masturbate?
I jerk off constantly, Esther.
Where at?
I don't know, shower, work, anywhere.
- At work?
- Mm-hmm. In the patrol car.
When, uh, Julián goes for coffee, I do it.
Um, eww, that's so disgusting.
Well, you asked.
Okay, what do you think of when you...
- I think of you.
- Luis.
And who do you think about?
Well, I think about other guys.
But now I'll start thinking
about you.
You can be my new fantasy.
Oh, okay, okay. Well, I don't mind.
- You like that I think of others?
- Why would I like that?
Some people like that.
Would you like it
if I thought about others?
Why are you asking the same things?
Don't know. It came to mind now.
Luis, I need you
to take more initiative, okay?
I mean, when you feel horny, come find me.
If I'm in the kitchen, we'll do it there.
And the kids?
The kids need new hobbies.
They spend too much time at home, dear.
Yeah, but we've got two,
and hobbies are expensive.
Look, really, this doesn't...
it doesn't make any sense at all.
I'm like... like naked here,
right here at a hotel.
We came here to fuck,
and I'm not even horny.
No, me either,
because you're telling me off.
Should we go in the pool?
No way. I'm not going in there.
Honest, I couldn't
be bothered to go out with you again,
but you really amused me
with your groveling.
- Yeah. I was very insistent, huh?
- Hmm.
I'm not normally that annoying.
I said to myself, "Fuck,
I must really turn him on."
But let me tell you,
having your self-esteem boosted at my age,
well, it really feels so great.
Yeah, well, good to hear.
Uh, because you know, that isn't...
that's really not my style.
It isn't. Seriously.
So, Santi, tell me about you.
What are you looking for exactly?
Uh, well, well, I...
- I was married.
- Oh.
But she's dead now.
- Oof!
- She died in a car accident.
- She crashed head-on into a bus.
- Oof!
School bus.
No kids were hurt. Oof, you know.
But anyway, must've seen it on the news.
- It was a big tragedy.
- Uh-uh.
No, actually,
it wasn't on the news after all.
It wasn't on because there was an attack,
an important vote or something.
I don't know. Pandemic.
Something happened that day
and took the spotlight off of it. Yeah.
Yeah. I'm sorry. How hard.
She can really be a bitch. Karma.
Oh.
Um, got any kids?
Uh, yes, a daughter.
She's, uh, 16 years old.
But you know, I barely see her.
She has a life of her own and...
Mm, yeah. We both know that, right?
You know, kids at that age.
And what are they like?
They're a different generation.
They're much more grown-up
than we were back then.
More grown-up, what do you mean by that?
Look, Santi,
I lost my virginity when I was 22,
and these little pricks are
having orgies when they're 15 years old.
- Orgies?
- Hmm.
Orgies.
They see sex in a different way
is what I mean.
But, listen, I do think
it's a very healthy thing, right?
Your table is ready.
- Okay. Ángeles, I gotta go.
- What?
Yes, uh, nice seeing you.
I had such a great time,
but I've just gotta... I have an emergency,
and I'm sorry. I gotta go.
You're fucking kidding, right? Santi!
What's going on? What's going on?
- Holy shit, Dad. What's wrong, hmm?
- Let's see.
No, just...
I heard... I heard a weird noise,
and I was worried about you, you know.
And your date?
She... she had to leave.
- She had a headache.
- You talked about Mom, didn't...
What smells so weird?
- You feel okay?
- Of course.
- What's this, huh?
- Homework.
I'm so very proud of you, you know.
Keep studying.
Study hard, honey, study hard.
God damn it.
POSTS
Hello!
I'm here in this big house,
seeing my sister.
Well, well,
and who do we have here in the kitchen?
It's my bro-in-law.
He's made dinner for us.
Don't film me.
Well, he's in a bad mood
because he got fired from work.
- So you told her?
- Cynthia, not now.
Relax, I'll edit it out. It's not live.
- Mmm!
- What happened to your face?
Mm. It's a bit swollen from the treatment.
Yes, but you're gonna love it.
Tomorrow, baby face.
Hey, let me know about Tenerife
'cause I gotta give an answer.
- Mm.
- Are you coming with me?
What's this about Tenerife?
She's invited to stay at this hotel
this weekend. We can come.
- You up for it? There's a spa.
- We'll think about it.
- Now that you have time.
- Why did they fire you?
Are you going to stay here for dinner,
or are you leaving?
Oh.
She'll go. She'll go. She'll go. Come on.
I mean, who's gonna hire him
now because of his old age?
- Love you.
- Love you more.
Honey, I'm here.
- Hello.
- Mmm!
What's this?
Open it.
"Spreading the Love,
a Guide to Open Relationships."
- Mm-hmm.
- Hmm.
Look here. This is my favorite one.
"Instinctive Promiscuity."
- The possibilities are endless.
- Hmm.
An emotionally polyamorous couple
or sexually polyamorous
or romantic anarchists, poly-fidelity...
I want you to meet my parents.
What? Isn't it a bit soon?
What do you mean?
We've been dating for three years.
I think it's about time.
Yes. Well, I... okay, at the right moment.
Look here. "Basic rules."
"One. Start with a solid relationship."
"Two. Avoid being jealous."
That's something we'll need to work on.
Wanna have dinner with them tomorrow?
Oh, but tomorrow I wanted to take you
to this place that's amazing.
Didn't you say that to have an open
relationship things gotta be solid?
Yeah.
A relationship isn't solid
until your girlfriend bites the bullet
and meets her in-laws. It's the way it is.
Okay, well, let's see them tomorrow.
But make it early, okay? I have work.
You'll love them. Ha!
Good morning, my little slut.
Look what I've got.
All for you.
- What are you doing?
- Huh?
What the hell!
9,112 VIEWS
"Starting out my day."
Oh, God, sweet Jesus.
No, no, no, hang on!
Stop, stop, stop, stop!
Phone higher.
You'll give me a double chin, no.
Your legs look longer,
because of the perspective.
- Can you see the brand though?
- Yes, yes. Perfect.
You getting paid to promote that?
Not yet, no. Not yet.
Wait, Patri.
I'm gonna get changed, okay? Ow!
Hmm.
Not working today either, sir?
No, uh, I took the week off, actually.
Oh, how nice. You work so hard.
Hey, why are you making
the maid take photos?
A photographer costs a lot, you know.
Look, honey, what am I here for?
You serious?
Jesus! Careful.
You'll get yourself killed.
Try to look out for cars.
Good.
How's that? A bit closer.
- Try turning.
- Good. Come on, one more.
Come on, I mean,
we're not 15 years old anymore.
No, no, sir. This way, please.
Great. Yes, thank you.
Yeah, excellent angle. That's good.
Oh! Oops, sorry. Sorry.
That's it.
Right there. Yeah, that's amazing!
Hey, you!
Can't you see we're recording right now?
- Come on, knock it off.
- Excuse me.
- I asked you to... come on!
- Calm down. Whoa!
But she said take the initiative.
- Literally.
- And I was still sleeping.
- That's a kind of rape.
- Wow.
You said, "If you're hard, go for it."
Isn't that what you said?
Sex is more beautiful
if your partner is also conscious
during the act though.
Mm-hmm.
Then in 24 hours,
I've gone from asexual to rapist.
I just don't get it.
Well, it's not that difficult.
You could say good morning first.
Be polite.
- I said, "Good morning, you little slut."
- Little slut?
"Look what I've got for you."
Look, if I don't respond,
it's because I didn't hear you, hmm?
You could also make me coffee,
to wake me up.
Well, how long do you think
an erection lasts at my age?
I don't know. You tell me.
I don't know. I... I give up.
I'm just... I'm just so lost right now.
You really fucked my date up.
Thanks, guys.
I hurried home in terror,
and Álex was sitting there studying,
like an angel.
Okay, she heard you arrive,
and the boyfriend jumped out the window.
We live on the fifth floor.
What is he, Batman?
Ah, don't worry,
just go out again with Ángeles.
With Ángeles? No. No, guys.
It's the second time
I've ditched her, poor thing.
No fixing that.
Who is that? Ángeles?
- Pick it up.
- No, no, no, no, no.
You should answer it.
Turn the speaker on. Turn the...
I don't want to, damn it!
Ángeles! Ángeles. Hello!
I... I... I'm... I'm sor...
I'm very sorry
about the other day, really.
Look, I... I...
I have to tell you that I have this tick.
And I have to check the gas stove,
and I got all anxious about that.
The truth is that I just couldn't...
What?
- What?
- Uh, okay, perfect. Yes.
Well, send me your address.
Got it, yes.
Okay, wonderful.
Okay, okay, okay.
See you soon. See you soon.
And?
She... she said I should come over
and stop playing games.
- Hell yeah!
- Santi!
They're gonna fix your phimosis.
Hey, come on, please, stop, stop.
Are you all gonna freak out
every time I go on a date?
Yeah.
What should we do? We could hit the town.
Uh, no, no, today's impossible.
Got this thing at home that...
I'm going to dinner with Luz.
I'm introducing her to my parents.
What?
They've been married for 44 years.
Forty-four years.
Ha! Easier said than done.
And they're still happy.
They even still have sex.
Can you believe it?
Thank you for the info.
Mom!
Sweetheart! Ramón, it's our boy.
How were the empanadas? They were tuna.
Yes, uh, delicious.
Hey, I'm gonna come over for dinner
to introduce you to Luz.
- Which Luz?
- His girlfriend.
- Oh, Sol?
- That was a different one.
- There in half an hour.
- Oh, today? No! No, no, no, no, no.
- We... we can't today.
- Why not?
- Mama.
- We're going to a concert.
We're going with Aunt Alicia
and Uncle Javier
to the National Auditorium.
But since
when do you like classical music?
Hang up, Pili. We'll be late.
This Sunday.
Come on Sunday for stew.
Kisses, sweetie-pie. I love you.
What? We're not going, huh?
- They're going to a concert.
- Why didn't you ask them before?
I never schedule with my parents.
They're always home.
Let's go. We should get a drink now.
But you... hey, what a beautiful marriage
they've got, huh?
- Uh-huh.
- They even go out to concerts and stuff.
Forty-four years.
- I know.
- And they hold hands in public.
Tricolor quinoa with mixed vegetables,
a stew with seitan protein
and eggplant pâté with crudités.
And for our drink, kombucha.
Let's see. That's it. Ginger, my favorite.
This is all accompanied
by this marvelous cardboard flatbread,
which is so good.
Well, at least it's edible.
Look, really, if you don't like it,
use it to fix a wonky table instead.
I don't know who makes this bread.
However, since they're in Germany,
they won't find out.
Mm. I've gotta go.
My boyfriend is giving me the look.
Bye.
- Mmm.
- We having this for dinner?
Or was it just for the video?
Patri made it for us with all her love.
I've worn her out reading vegan recipes.
Poor little thing.
Hey, weren't you going out
with your friends now?
People say that work absorbs you,
but that's a lie.
It's life that absorbs you.
- What?
- Everyone has their families now.
Nothing's like it was before,
when we did what we wanted.
Growing old really sucks.
Honey, I think you're in shock.
Don't overthink it all.
This one's so good. I love it.
Hey,
why are you always on your toes?
It makes my legs look skinny.
- Wow!
- And why are you laughing at the sky?
Well, I'm quickly getting more
and more followers, smart-ass.
People love my style. Is that a problem?
No, not at all.
As long as you're entertained.
Ángeles, your date's here.
How are you?
Uh, that's your mother, huh? Uh...
What's your problem, huh?
- Do you like teasing me or what?
- Uh, mm...
Hey, wait, wait, wait!
Uh, it's just
I haven't been honest with you.
What? You're married, huh?
Look, I don't care
No, no, no, no, no. I'm divorced now,
but my ex isn't really dead.
Okay, relax. She'll die sooner or later.
No, no, no. Let me say something.
Uh, so we split up three years ago.
- Because she cheated on me.
- Hmm.
I forgave her,
but she moved in with the other guy.
And even though
I truly hate her with all my soul,
every single day I hope she'll crawl back
and beg me to forgive her,
because the saddest thing of all
is that I'm still in love with her.
And, hmm, how does that affect us two?
Hmm. I don't know.
What are you looking for?
- An orgasm.
- Well, then that doesn't affect us.
Oh! Hang on. Hang on, hot shot.
Why are you in such a hurry?
- Eh?
- I'm gonna need some lube.
I think it's on my nightstand.
Oh, okay.
Oh, hurry up, for God's sake!
I want you in me!
Got it.
Rub it on me, could you?
Uh, yes, sure.
Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes.
- Ah, now! Ah, now! Do it now!
- Yeah, now?
- Oh! Ow! No! Stop, stop, stop!
- What?
- Oh! It stings. Oh! It stings. It stings!
- What?
- It's burning me! It's stinging!
- All right.
Oh, my God, fuck you.
Ah! Oh, holy shit, holy shit!
MOISTURIZING CREAM FOR DRY FEET
LUBRICANT
No fucking way. Oh.
Fuck me! A 30-euro cover charge.
Is dinner included or what?
Hello. Two gin and tonics, please.
Let's see. As you seem a bit unsure,
I thought it'd be good for us to debut
our new relationship in the public arena,
the two of us.
Let's have a drink, see what happens.
And listen...
Wait a minute, wait.
Where have you brought me, Luz?
This is a swingers' club, darling.
- Swingers?
- Yes.
- Hey, there, son.
- What are you doing here?
Is this your girlfriend?
Yes, Luz. Uh, hi, there.
I'm making you a stew on Sunday.
That sounds good, huh?
- Yes, very much.
- Her stew is stupendous.
Mama, you have a... a nipple piercing.
For my birthday.
It was a gift from your father.
It got infected.
She had to take antibiotics.
- It was horrible.
- Oh, look.
Oh! We're going in the jacuzzi.
before it gets too crowded to fit in.
See you later.
- You two have fun. See you later.
- Bye, now. See you later.
But, uh, I thought they had a concert.
With my aunt and uncle.
Sure. Hmm.
Thank you.
Javier and Alicia. My... my aunt Alicia.
Right.
I'm home now, Álex!
Álex.
- Yeah, be out in a second!
- Huh.
Nothing. Uh, my thing
with Ángeles is over, okay?
Body number one, that one's down.
Double check mark, right? Uh...
That's great, huh? Congratulations.
Who's under there?
Me. I'm studying.
No, no. There. There. What's under there?
Oh, this here?
Mm, they're cushions to hold my laptop up.
Come out. Hey, man, out.
There's no problem, really. Don't worry.
Hmm.
Have a good night.
Well, at least they're fucking.
Luz.
Okay, do they get a discount,
like, in museums?
My parents are swingers.
The world's going to hell.
Look, now we know
how they've kept up the passion.
What more proof do you need?
That's it. Fuck it all. Wanna get married?
Keep your eyes on the road!
It has chocolate on it
because I hid it inside that coulant.
But since you ordered
violet ice cream, well...
Raúl, you know I'm a divorce lawyer
who's also divorced.
- So?
- Of course not.
Is that what you really want?
No, I wanna go back to a week ago,
to when my girlfriend
didn't want an open relationship
and my mother
was a woman without piercings
who made empanadas with tuna.
Honey, I don't want you to do anything
that makes you uncomfortable.
Look, no, no, no, no. I'm uncomfortable.
I don't want anyone banging my girlfriend.
Call me a weirdo.
I love you,
but I no longer believe in monogamy.
I don't believe in the dirty things that
those people do, people like my parents.
Okay, fine, now what do we do?
But I'm telling you
to do whatever you want to.
But you shouldn't say that.
You should support me, man.
You're not the center of the universe.
I think it's amazing
that you wanna be an influ...
Creator of content.
But there are millions. Millions, Daniela.
What makes you so special?
When you talk to me
in that condescending shitty little tone,
as if you were my dad,
I swear I wanna beat your ass.
You're the one that treats me like a fool.
"Reinvent yourself, go with the flow."
Here I am fixing the faucet.
- Taking dopey photos.
- You're the one who offered to do it.
And do not get me started on that trip.
Ah-ah! So you don't wanna go
on vacation with me?
- With you, yes.
- Sure.
But not with your sister,
Miss Treatments, God no.
- But yes, I'll come with you.
- Hey, listen.
If you're pissed because you got fired,
don't take it out on me, okay?
I'm not pissed, my love.
I'm reinventing myself.
Go fuck yourself.
And go get unemployment.
Don't you worry.
I'll go to Tenerife by myself.
Good.
That look hot?
- Care for another margarita?
- Yes, thank you.
Oh, and a shot. Uh, anything.