Alone (2015–…): Season 2, Episode 6 - Adrift - full transcript

[dramatic music]

*

- I love these little kinds
of projects.

They give me something to do
to keep my mind occupied.

- When I lost my ferro rod,
I wanted to go home.

I need to get my head back
in the game

if I'm gonna do this.

- A lot of bear activity
right here, and, you know,

predators aren't something
to trifle with.

Caught my first fish in my net.

- Dinner tonight, man.



Whoo!

- Who are you when everything's
been stripped away?

[bleep].

- [yelping]

- It's scary out here
in these woods.

- I have not had
a serious meal in a week.

- If I can't get a fire,
then I can't stay here.

- It's always in the back
of your mind,

"Well, I could tap out."

- Putting up
with this filming [bleep]?

- Running into a predator,
it's not an if.

It's a when.

Get the hell out of here.

I see you.
Get out of here!



- I'm living
a hand-to-mouth existence.

Yes!
Ah!

- $500,000
is a lot of money.

- It's just gonna keep
getting harder.

- It's not the world
that needs to change.

It's me
that needs to change.

- [moans]

*

[birds chirping]

*

- Hey, so I'm traveling

and exploring the, uh,

the knoll behind
and up above my camp.

So check it out.

Just right down

from the kitchen area,

oh, about 50 feet away.

*

And there is this root

that's turned right here

and covered with soft moss,

And...

*

There is a hole

in there.

Man, this is the perfect toilet.

[chuckles]

I can take care of business

right here,

and I'm just gonna kind of
pan around

so you can see

where I've been hiking.

So I'm just gonna
explore around.

If I see anything interesting,
I'll show you.

*

So just all along
the shore here,

I anticipate finding stuff.

*

I'm hoping to find
a fair number

of plastic bottles

that I can use
to store the food

that I--that I'm hoping
I can preserve.

Catch some fish.

*

As I'm standing here,

I see something.

Look at that.

That's a gigantic
plastic container.

Man, this is just awesome.

I mean, it's context, right?

I would otherwise
be disappointed

to find this kind of trash

on a beautiful beach like this,

but because I'm surviving alone

on North Vancouver Island,

oh, man, this is a score.

I am really excited about this.

*

So I--I'm thinking

of making a boat
out of the black tub,

and if the weather
will allow me,

you know, tying
some outriggers to it

to help stabilize it.

*

I can go places

with the boat
that would take me

a much longer time by foot.

I could put the gill net out
in deeper water

and perhaps catch salmon.

*

With a little more effort,

I can access better fishing,

and I have no doubt in my mind

that I could stay out here

for a very long time.

*

All right, so tying
the outriggers to the tub,

you've got to tie it
underneath, so the--

the black container won't slip
all the way through.

It's gonna be a little bit

diagonally unstable,

but the container will help
hold that some.

Now it's just a matter
of going out on the water.

*

Oh, man.

That could be epic.

*

I want to succeed at this.

I don't want to fail at this,

because if I end up

in the drink and swimming,

if I get hypothermic,

can't start a fire,

can't get warmed up in my bag,

and I have to call in for help,

then this could be the end
of my journey.

*

Here we go.

*

Here we go.

Yeah.

*

[grunts]

*

Hey-hey.

Look at this.

Oh, yeah.

She is floating!

Ahoy, matey!

Look at this boat float,
would ya?

Whoa-ho-ho!

Man, this thing feels
as solid as land.

*

Whoo-hoo!

Holy moly.

*

Yeah, yeah,
and it's super solid.

Whoo-hoo!

I could dance.

Oh, I could dance.

Whoo-hoo!

All right.

This is what being a captain

is all about, matey.

Yeah.

*

Wow.

This is just fabulous.

Golden.

Absolutely solid, stellar,

golden.

Thank you, Jesus.

Thank you, Jesus.

[waves crashing]

*

- So story of my life out here

on this accursed island.

[chuckles]

I'm waiting for the tide
to go down.

It's--it's dark,

but I still got to wait

probably at least another hour

before I can start
checking my sets.

*

Seems to be going down
later and later

every day.

*

The boredom.

Absolute, sheer boredom.

*

I just kind of stand
and dwell on thoughts.

*

Funny how there's
little things in life

can be so stressful.

I have a mouse in my house.

That stupid mouse, like,
follows me

when I come down here.

I'll turn around,
and there's the frickin' mouse,

like, darting in and out
of rocks.

Oh, I would be so mad
if he got into my sleeping bag.

They are such
destructive little...things,

so that's what
I'm concerned about.

[water gurgling]

*

Looks like I got one here.

*

And I don't want him...

getting away.

You mother[bleep].

Sorry about that.

[metal scraping]

What the hell?

[metal scraping]

[kindling sparks]

You're [bleep] me.

This [bleep] [bleep]'s all wet.

[bleep] damn it.

Never had so much
[bleep] problems

lighting a [bleep] fire

in a [bleep] damn place

in my entire [bleep] life.

*

Oh, I'm so [bleep] ready
for bed.

[bleep] [bleep] [bleep]

you mother[bleep]
piece of [bleep].

[bleep] you,
you [bleep]sucker.

You [bleep] piece of [bleep].

*

Dinner in a little bit.

[thud]

[groans]

[dramatic music]

*

- I caught one fish

in the new gill net location.

Very happy to have had

a good, good, solid meal,

but in an ideal world,

it would be, like, in--

in real deep water,
where I have to set it

at retrieve it from a boat.

In that valley, there must be
a good-sized stream,

and in that good-sized stream,

there must be a good-sized
salmon run.

*

Some food is coming in,

but...

the people that lived here,

they depended on
a stable food supply,

and that was the salmon,

and I'm still on time to catch
the last migration,

so that's where my mind goes.

That's where my thoughts are
right now.

*

[saw whooshing]

If I hit the salmon run
full on,

it would make a huge,
huge difference

in my situation.

[sawing continues]

So I guess the sooner
I get to it, the better.

*

This week,
I've gone on long walks.

I've picked up anything
that was useful to me,

any bit of cordage,
any bit of lumber.

So I think today,
I'm gonna start with that.

I think there is enough lumber

to make the gunwales
and the main stringer

for a boat.

*

I'm abandoning survival

and trying to go
into wilderness living.

Survival per se is how you
stay out of trouble

until you go back
to civilization,

but what I teach and what I do

is wilderness living,

trying to actually live
in the place.

I have to maximize

what the land and the sea has,

and the number one way
to maximize it

is having a boat.

That's good.

Now I can start looking into
the crosspieces it gets,

and preparing the holes
for the ribs.

*

I'm pressed for time.

I wonder if I'm gonna
reach the creek,

and a bunch of salmon carcasses
is just laying there,

'cause the run
just went past me

while I was here
building a boat.

And I hope not.

Just--just put up a couple
of crosspieces

to support the gunwales.

[wood cracks]

Oh.

[groans]

*

Now you break,
you son of a gun.

*

[groans]

This was a big setback
in my plans,

and I basically am back
to starting out

with that boat,

and I'm still days away
from having this completed.

If I miss the salmon run
because I'm too late,

oh, that would be
very, very bad.

I wish I didn't have
that time-pressure thing going.

[sighs]

*

- I had an interesting night
last night.

A mouse has completely
destroyed my gear.

*

Right next to my head,

he was chewing on my pack
all night,

and every time I turned on
my head lamp,

he'd scurry away.

I swear to God,
if that thing

fricking chews
my sleeping bag up,

I'm blowing this place up.

I'm gonna find some way

to blow the whole
fricking place up.

[birds chirping]

My greatest struggle
is emotional.

What's really throwing me
for a loop

is how mental this is.

I did not expect this to be
this big a mental challenge.

[birds chirping]

The fact that I am secluded

in a 100-foot area,

with walls sloped down

on side of me...

Quite frankly,
it gets quite depressing.

[sighs]

And now I have a mouse
in my house.

I mean, this place is just
really starting to get to me.

[birds chirping]

[sighs]

*

[chirping continues]

*

[fire crackling]

*

I've been trying
to formulate a thought,

to express it...

*

Without breaking down
and crying.

*

And I'm not sure I'm gonna
be able to relay it

without crying.

*

This--so my issue...

One of the reasons why
I wanted to come out here

was to try and think

on...

the new aspect of my life.

In other words, after kids.

A person can endure
a lot of things

for someone that they love.

Trying to endure...

those same things
just purely for yourself

is not as easy.

I'm an electrician.

You might think
it's not that hard,

but it's a lot
of repetitive tasks.

I know everybody
has to go to work.

I know it's just the way
of the world,

but for me to think...

that I have
another 15 years...

of basically wasting my life,

waiting for the weekends.

Just the mundane torture
of it all.

*

I'm gonna have to make a change.

It's not the world
that needs to change.

It's me
that needs to change.

My--my outlook on life.

*

This place, I know the rules.

It's life outside of this place

that makes me want to cry.

*

*

- All right, I'll stand
in front of the camera.

Move it down.

I'm still here

and doing well,

so keeping myself warm,

making sure I have enough food.

I think I've figured out
black bear behavior.

It's been
a learning experience.

It's a sort of game,
like, the bears and I

forage on the beach together
at the same time.

They stay on their side
of the river

and don't come over here.

Plenty, plenty of fish.

I love that I'm part
of the ecosystem here.

I feel at home here.

It's another good day.

I'm gonna go check
my gill net.

That Chinook run should be
coming in really soon,

and that's a great source
of food.

* Watching for bears

'cause they like it
right here.

Oh, I think we're gonna
coexist just fine.

* Looks like we got
something *

We got some salmon.

Oh!
And it is alive and kicking.

You need to cut its backbone,
is the main thing.

*

Hold it really firmly,

and cut through
its spinal cord in there.

*

Kind of cool:
the heart is still--

it's still beating.

Oh, it just was.

There we go.

See that?

*

[French accent]
Now for ze body.

Oh, boy.

Feeling very lucky today.

This amazing, fresh salmon.

Here's the body.

[grunts]
Put it here to fillet.

How you doing
over there, bears?

How's your river?

They got their own river
where the salmon are spawning.

We're all eating well,

so that works out.

[laughs]

All right, well.

Time to get
these puppies filleted

and cleaned.

It's really important to me
that if I take a life,

that I use every single bit
of that animal.

It's respectful,

and I want to be respectful
of this sacred land

that we're being allowed
to use.

Those reflexes always get me

when they move
when you're cutting it.

Voila.

Better than
your best restaurant.

That's dinner, lunch,
breakfast.

Dinner, lunch, breakfast.

Oh, yeah,
a whole lot of food.

*

[water gushing]

*

- So last night,

a mouse completely destroyed
my gear.

He was chewing on my pack
all night.

I really want to give it
a concerted effort

to try and find
a new location.

*

It's up to me.
It's not up to anybody else.

It's up to me to make a change.

That's the plan for today.

I'm getting the hell out
of here.

Let this damn mouse
have this frickin' place.

*

So I've lost some weight.

I need another couple
of notches on my belt.

Let's get this hip belt
situated.

Tightened down.

*

All right.

Time to head out.

I'm pretty nervous
about leaving a known entity,

but it's either try and survive
where I'm at,

and potentially tap
quite early,

or it's go for broke

and really try to get out here

and try to find a good location

and live out here.

*

I've done three
or four little walks,

and the only other place
I haven't gone

is more south,

so it's opened up a little bit.

I'm following this creek bed.

[exhales]

But it's thick back here.

I see a little bit
of daylight up there

through the trees.

I'm hoping that
that pans out to a--

I don't know.

It's got to empty
into the ocean sometime.

*

Oh, this is killing my knees.

[groans]

I've got old man knees.

[groans]

Oh, my pack's caught.

Damn you.

*

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, you son of a...

*

God.

*

[groans]

*

Damn it.

*

All right, well,
I'm getting excited.

I can hear the ocean.

*

[laughing]

Oh, my God.

*

To get out
of that confining space of--

to be able to see this, man,

and to expend the calories
and stuff

and not know where
I was gonna end up

or what was gonna happen.

Let's get down here and see

what the heck's going on.

*

I can just tell already

that this is gonna be
loads better,

loads better.

Look--there's dead wood
right there.

Look at all the kindling
and stuff like that right here.

*

And this place is fricking
chanterelle heaven.

*

Oh, my God.

*

Just the emotional uplifting

this is gonna give me

is huge.

*

Look at this.

There's sunlight on the rocks.

I could be sunbathing.

*

It's frickin' awesome.

*

[dramatic music]

*

- This was the best move.

Not just move, literally.

This was the best move
I've done

this entire journey.

All right, well, I haven't even
been here ten minutes,

and what did I find?

Rope.

Cordage.

I'm gonna split this rope down,

and right back behind me

is where I'm gonna
make my shelter.

*

God, that was
a craphole I left.

This place is so much better.

There's a lot
of man-made resources.

I got a whole nother thing
of this cordage,

and that was just
what I found on the beach

in the first five minutes
I was here.

I've got to get shelter set up.

I've got stuff in my backpack

that can't get wet.

I cannot afford to get
my sleeping bag wet.

I just need to hurry up
and set up a shelter,

and then I'll go back
for my other crap

that I left.

I'm just gonna make
a simple A-frame.

I'm really partial
to the plow point,

but the problem
with the plow point

in this country
is it rains so much

that the rain leaks
down the pole,

and it's such strong winds

that I don't want to put
that much pressure on the tarp

and not have a ridgepole.

I'm so happy to be rid
of that frickin' mouse.

Little destructive
piece of crap.

I'm gonna make it
my life's mission

to kill every frickin' mouse
I possibly can.

That's my new mission
going forward, yes.

We could have lived in harmony.
I wasn't hungry.

I was gonna leave him alone,

but oh, no.

Him and his kind are gonna
feel my wrath from now on.

*

[saw cutting]

*

I really want this to be a good,
strong shelter,

so...

Limbs.

I need two of 'em,

and they need to be long.

*

I've never made one
like this before.

*

It's always just
a [bleep] inch too short.

[bleep] damn it.

*

[bleep]

Once again, [bleep]
four inches too short.

Oh, you [bleep]-loving
mother[bleep].

Piece of [bleep].

[bleep] [bleep] damn it.

Cut another [bleep]
ten-[bleep] tree down.

I can definitely feel
a lot of mood swings.

Um, I get frustrated
pretty easy.

I get angry pretty easy.

*

But I usually come back

and try and solve the problem

semi-rationally.

*

*

Feel like
everything's okay now.

*

I mean, maybe I'll be
plagued by predators.

I don't know, but...

*

I still think it's better.

It's way, way better

than where I came from.

*

[rain falling]

*

[fire crackling]

[rain pattering on tarp]

- Ugly faces.

Me and my sister
used to make ugly faces

in the mirror.

[chuckles]

*

All right, so I'm out

checking all my fishing lines.

*

Finding some food
is a priority.

The number one priority.

*

That is a really
interesting fish.

I have no idea...

what it could possibly be.

It is so beautiful, though.

[laughing]

Two lines, two fish.

[laughing]
Oh, yeah.

Oh.

It's amazing.

This is working.

[laughing]

[exclaims]

That I've been catching fish

every day
for the last three days,

after going two weeks
without catching anything.

That's--that's so huge.

*

Good old-fashioned
regular fishing.

A bobber,

a little sinker,

a hook,

and some bait.

*

Another day where I'll have
a bit of meat.

I am so grateful for you.

I'm really happy with what
I have accomplished so far.

*

But I just, like, am craving

human companionship

even more than food.

*

I wish I could talk
to my dad, actually.

*

He'd do good out here.

He'd do real good.

*

It's really hard being alone.

I've never been alone
for this long before.

*

You just, like,
crave companionship,

someone to talk to.

*

It definitely
takes its toll on you.

*

[dramatic music]

*

- This morning,
I walked down to the water

and had this amazing
experience, just...

this bald eagle came
from the other side of the bay,

and it circled the bay

and then flew right
in front of me.

It was amazing.

I do wonder
how my kids are doing.

You know,
I try to compartmentalize.

Try to just think
about being here,

'cause this is
where I am, but...

I think if you have any issues

kind of going on in your head,

being alone
for long periods of time--

I think that's when things
crop up for people.

*

[crying]
I really miss my--

my stepson.

Beau died two years ago.

He drowned
in San Francisco.

[crying]

He went swimming, and...

he was missing for a long time,

and I spent a month
looking for him

until we figured out
what happened to him.

He died on the day that I--

I was in Arizona.

When I got the call,

I was graduating
with my doctorate, and...

we texted back and forth a lot.

That was an easy medium
when he moved,

and I texted him
a picture of me

in my, like, cap and gown,

saying, "I did it.
I'm finally a doctor now.

I finally did it."

And I think I was probably,

like, 30 minutes too late.

I remember thinking,
"That's weird.

He didn't write right back,"

'cause he always writes
right back.

And I just sometimes think,
like,

what if I'd texted
an hour earlier, you know?

I don't know

if anything
I could have done

made any difference.

*

[sniffles] Ohh.

*

I know his brothers
feel it every day.

I feel it every day.

I'm sure his dad does too.

I'm sure his grandparents do.

*

My God, I miss him
every day, so much.

It's so hard.

[breathes deeply]

But I look for the beauty
in things,

and I look for joy in life,

and I have other kids

that I need to take care of,
you know?

[somber chuckle]

*

But it'll never mean
I don't miss Beau

every day.

*

[exhales]

Wow.

*

I have to just think of him

as being there with me
and cheering me on.

It's all I can do.
I mean...

He'd be proud of me here.

I know he would.

He'd be stoked.
He'd think this was cool.

[chuckles]

*

- I've been in a pretty funky
headspace all day,

just getting the blood flowing
a little bit,

keeping myself occupied.

[sawing]

I'm happy with the cabin
so far.

It's not done yet,
but it's getting there.

I'm gonna start reinforcing
the walls.

Put in a post at the very end.

This one I did
a couple of more,

'cause I noticed that this wall

was leaning a little bit.

That should definitely
secure it,

at least for the duration
that I will be here.

*

Now, what I do here

is just tie the posts together.

*

It's like there's a party
going on in here all the time.

*

But I'm the--
I'm the only one here.

I'm the only one--
I was the only one invited,

is what it was.

Make myself a little--
a little mattress.

*

I'm set up to be here

for a long time.

*

I have walls around me.

I have, you know,
an entire ocean

full of fish

that I have been catching.

I mean, you could have
the best life in the world,

but if you're alone,
then what's the point, really?

What's the point of living
if you're just doing it alone?

All right, well,
let's see how she does.

*

[sighs]

*

Luxury.

*

What am I doing out here?

Besides building [bleep].

*

You know, you build,
and you build, and you build,

and when you
run out of things,

then you're just
sort of left here

without anything to do.

*

I think if the world ended,

or if society as we know it

just, like, crashed...

*

and I were, like,

the last survivor...

I wouldn't do it.

There'd be no point.

*

I knew it was gonna be hard,

being alone.

I guess I just didn't know

it was gonna be this hard.

*

There's times when I, like--

every fiber of my being
is just saying, like,

that I want to go home.

*

[dramatic music]

*

- Hello, ocean.

It is good to see you again.

I got a big decision to make.

It is nice
that you haven't left,

=or else I'd be in big trouble.

The biggest question
I have is just

"What am I doing this for?"

*

It's impossible to describe
what this is like

until someone comes out here
and does it.

*

It's just so incredibly
beautiful here.

It's just--it's mind-blowing.

It's like, it's not something
that you just get used to.

*

But I don't know
if there's more

that I can get from this place,
you know?

I don't know if there's more
that this place has

to offer me.

*

I mean, don't get me wrong.

Like, I love living this way.

I--I actually want
to live this way.

*

But there's no way
I could do it alone.

*

There's been a lot of times

I've felt like I wanted
to go home.

But--but I wasn't ready.

*

I just want to leave
on a high note.

*

I want to leave...

*

still loving this.

*

I was hoping this would be
an easier decision.

*

- I just can't get
enough to eat.

Where my fishing hole was,
I can see these waves--

bam--just crashing
against it.

Not very happy about it.

- I just woke up.

My sleeping bag is soaked.

It looks like it's groundwater,
seeped through.

This is [bleep] ridiculous.

- Another day of boatbuilding.

I sure hope to have her
in the water in time

to get to that salmon run.

- A sweat lodge is one
of those things

that feeds you spiritually.

I think it'll probably help me
make a decision.

I have to figure out how long
I want to stay here.

*