Ally McBeal (1997–2002): Season 5, Episode 4 - Fear of Flirting - full transcript

Previously on Ally McBeal.

Obviously, there's... There's
some chemistry going on.

So let's just be
adult, address it...

and put it out there.

If you somehow got the
impression that I was...

interested, I apologize.

I'm interested in
you. John, I'm...

I so want to be loved by you,

but not in the way that you
are interested in loving me.

I lied. Obviously
I am interested.

- I just... With Jenny, it's just...
- I-I know. I know.



It's only when you
surrender to your want...

that you'll be able to clarify
what it is you truly need.

You're telling me
again to go to the boy?

Oh, yes.

[Elevator Bell
Dings] [Door Opens]

Mmm. [Gasps] Ooh.

Oh, I'm sorry. My fault.

Are you okay?
Perfectly fine, thank you.

Why are you talking
like that? Like what?

Clipped. Clipped?

Walking around looking
circumspect, talking clipped.

I don't know what you're
talking about. I am fine.

I'm late, that's all. My mistake
then. Sorry for keeping you.

Fine, then. Clipped.



[Gasps] Oh!

[Gasps, Murmurs] Sorry.

I'm sorry. It's okay. I
was late to a meeting.

No, that's all right. I was...
Me too. I just was, um...

You know, listen. This... This
isn't working. This is silly. This...

This keeping our
distance stuff, it really

isn't working. It's
sort of makin' it worse.

Let's just knock.

It off. It would be best.

[Whispering] Yeah. Let's
go. Whoa, whoa, whoa,

whoa, whoa. Okay.
Wh-When I say go, you go.

Where? Uh, to the... the
conference room staff meeting.

I don't wanna... walk in
together. Makes sense.

What are you waiting
for? You didn't say go.

[Harsh Whisper]
Glenn! I'm on my way.

[Gasps]

♪ I've been down down, down ♪

♪ I've been down this road ♪

♪ Walkin' the line
that's painted by pride ♪

♪ And I have made
mistakes in my life ♪

♪ That I just can't hide ♪

♪ Oh, I believe I am ready ♪

♪ For what love
has to bring Yeah ♪

♪ I got myself together, yeah ♪

♪ Now I'm ready to sing ♪

♪ I've been searching
my soul tonight ♪

♪ I know there's so
much more to life ♪

♪ Now I know I
can shine a light ♪

♪ To find my way back home ♪

♪ Oh ♪
♪ Hoo, hoo ♪

♪ Baby, yeah ♪

♪ Hoo, hoo ♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪♪

Okay, uh, first up, um,
a-anybody seen the Biscuit?

Yeah. Bygones. Uh, next up,

uh, Werner versus
Millbury, Goldman and Burns.

Mine. Um, Raymond's being sued
for sexual harassment. Big shock.

But he's hired me to defend
him, which actually is a shock.

Wait. The firm that fired you
now wants you to defend them?

Don't ask me. Why are you
two not looking at each other?

Sorry. What? [Plate
Clatters Loudly]

Move along. Next up. Ticktock.

Oh, that's... Uh, well,
Capelini versus Bugle.

Richard, could I see
you for one second?

- What? Now?
- It's important.

[Neck Cracks]

Wh-What's up?

Oh... [Sighs] nothing.

You just cut off a
staff meeting. Oh.

Well, I was just thinking about taking
a few days off. Is everything okay?

Oh, yeah. Uh, is it, uh, John?

John. John... John Cage?

Yeah, he's missing. He left me a note.
It said, "Not to worry, I'll be back."

He... just took off?

I... I don't know what to think.
It could be, uh, another spa.

It could be he's...
He's tired, or...

Mmm. Maybe it's
just the obvious.

He loves somebody deeply
who couldn't love him back.

Mmm? What happened?

Nothing.

Uh, he...

Well, he... he just told me
that he loved me deeply...

and I told him that I
couldn't love him back.

[Exhales] Do you
think that's why he left?

Yeah, you see, I-I don't know. Is
that... that why you want time off?

M-Me? Oh, no.

Is it Glenn? Glenn?

[Stammering]
Gl-Glenn... Gl-Glenn Foy?

[Chuckles] That
Glenn? Yeah. That one.

Wait. Who... What? Wh-Who... What,
Gle... What do you... Glenn Foy? What?

Yeah, well, it's something, uh, in John's
note, you know, reading between the lines.

I don't know. [Chuckles]
What did it say?

What? Oh. Uh... Oh.

Yeah. Uh, "Dear Richard. Not to
worry. I'll be back. Yours, John."

Uh, "P.S. Ally
likes Glenn." Right?

Ah! It's mine.

I'm just tired, Richard, and I
need a few days to rest, okay?

Yeah. Okay.

[Elevator Bell Dings]

One of us has to move. One would
think it would be the gentleman.

I'm standing nose-to-nose with a
drop-dead gorgeous woman who smells good.

A gentleman would be
a fool to move. [Grunts]

Is it any wonder
you've been sued?

None. And what's the deal
with hiring me, Raymond?

Why wouldn't I hire you?
You're an excellent attorney.

And? I need a tough,
hard-nosed litigator.

And? With a funny little
freckle face a jury'll fall for.

You want me for my freckles?
That, and you're a girl. I want a girl.

Well, this girl is not about to just go
and... The case is all prepped, Jenny.

I can even do most of it pro se. All you
have to do is stand there all freckly...

and act, you know... Girlie.

Look, there's no better
feather for any lawyer

than to be hired to
defend another lawyer...

Especially one from
a big firm. Mm-hmm.

Do you know why I became
a lawyer? Thank you.

To, uh... To do good? Basically.

And can you tell me how I do that by
defending a blatant, skirt-chasing ape?

You know, for someone who
professes to be open-minded,

do you even care to
hear my side of the story,

or do you just want
to rush to judgment?

What's your side? I'm guilty.

Now, let's get started.

How you doin'? [Groans]

[Shoe Skids]

Who is it? Guess.

You're going home? Yeah. Bye.

Ally... [Clears Throat]

Is this the adult way to
handle this? Oh, perhaps... not.

S-So, why?

Glenn, I find myself
becoming increasingly

attracted to you, which
I will certainly admit to.

But the attraction is
one of the affair variety.

At the finish line there will
be nothing but casualties.

So, whatever destructive urges I
have, I am choosing to face them alone.

And if that's unadult, well, then
goo, goo, goo, goo, good-bye.

[Stumbles, Grunts]

Raymond, if I'm gonna be
your lawyer, I will be your lawyer.

Not a puppet. Too bad. I
was hopin' to put my hand up...

Is this what you did with the
plaintiff? Come on, Jenny. It's strategy.

Strategy.

Well, as strategy, how
can it possibly make

sense for you to bring
me in on the eve of trial?

Didn't she sue your whole firm? We
got that part dismissed. It's just me now.

Raymond. Jenny.

I can't win a
case with freckles.

It's not just freckles. You're...
Y-You're girlie. You're...

You're gangly.
Y-You're adorable.

And juries go for adorable, gangly
girls. There's... There's research.

That kind of flattery just
leaves me wet. Please.

I need you.

Okay. I owe you.

I'll be right back
with the file.

[Beeps] [Machinery Whirs]

[Beeps] [Machinery Whirs]

Oh, he's really gone.

[Beeps] [Screams]

[Screaming]
[Screaming, Stammers]

Uh, uh, okay. Corretta, no.
Corretta... What in the hell is that?

I can explain! What's going on?

He's jumping out of walls
while I'm on the toilet, that's what!

- You sick...
- I can explain.

- You can explain? [Yelps] You can explain?
- No. There's a room back there.

Some kind of
peeping! What is that?

That's John's home away
from home, and he's moved out!

Home away from home? I'm sitting
there, trying to do my business...

Well, he had a little
oasis. He sought refuge

there. He left a note
that he was leaving.

I went in to see if he was still
there. I barely sat down. Out he leaps!

What do you mean,
he's leaving? John's gone.

I mean, d-don't ask
me where, but... [Sighs]

he's gone.

The case itself was
a personal injury suit.

It was pretty routine.

Mr. Millbury represented the defendant.
I was representing the plaintiff.

Was Mr. Millbury's conduct
routine as well? Hardly.

All during discovery, he repeatedly
made sexual advances at me.

- When you say "sexual advances"...
- He would ask me out.

But he wouldn't just
say, "Hey, let's go out

for a drink," or, "Let's
have dinner sometime."

No. It was always
something more... suggestive.

Can you be more specific?

Well, once, during a deposition,

he asked me to "tame
his meat weasel."

[Prosecutor] What about
when you got to trial?

Once, as we approached the
bench, his hand grazed my buttocks.

It was completely intentional.

It was a consistent, pervasive attempt
to reduce me in the eyes of the jury.

He would openly compliment
my clothing in front of the jury.

He once referred to me
as "sexy" right in open court.

He would... [Scoffs]
This is really disgusting.

Please. Tell the
court. Uh, he...

During discovery, he told
me that he had had a dream...

that the two of us were doing
karaoke together... in the nude.

He said I had "quite a talent with
the mike." It was completely phallic.

It was a transparent reference
to a graphic sexual act.

Then, all during the trial, he
would ask various witnesses,

"Could you please
speak into the mike?"

And then he'd look
at me with his leer.

Miss Werner, did the defendant
ever get physical with you?

Yes. Aside from the
courtroom butt-grazing,

once, in a settlement
conference, he kissed me.

[Prosecutor] He kissed you? Yes.

He just grabbed
me... and kissed me.

- [Prosecutor] What did you do?
- I pushed him off.

And as a result of
all this behavior...

I became so self-conscious,

I couldn't perform as a lawyer.

I lost that case in
large part, I'm sure,

due to my rattled,
scattered demeanor.

It involved a long-standing
client, which I also lost.

I-I've lost other business
all because of his...

wanton, predatory,

"unwelcomed"... sexual conduct.

You asked her to "tame
your meat weasel"? Come on.

Raymond. Jenny,
it's a boys' club.

No, it isn't. You
might want it to be,

but it is no longer
a boys' club.

Hey, you're on my side
here or not? Raymond,

you tell a fellow attorney she's
got "a talent with the mike."

You wink, "How you doin'?" at anything
in a dress, and your career is on the line,

and you hire an attorney because
she's "girlie" with a freckled face.

I just don't... I hired you
because you're great.

I'll deny ever
having said it. Oh.

Thanks. Half of trial
law is button pushing.

Well, with women, you
really can't push that...

button.

You really don't see
that, do you? Look, Jenny.

When I was little, my mother
used to complain all the time...

that men considered
her a sexual object.

She hated it. And one day, I came
home early from school. I found her crying.

Why? Because men no longer
considered her a sexual object.

I may have rattled Sarah
Werner, but part of her liked it.

Raymond, if you say
that on the stand, we lose.

You have a problem.

Forget me talking to you as a lawyer.
Let me speak as if I was your friend.

You really have a problem.

Gettin' ready to leave, huh?

Yep.

Look. Ally, you don't have
to go home to avoid me.

We both agreed not to
go to that other place...

because of my relationship
with Jenny and because of yours.

And I think we're both grown-up
enough to honor that agreement. No, I...

I could use some...
time off actually.

Well, okay.

Uh, not that I'm tryin'
to change your mind,

but why is it that you
think that if you and I... we...

Why would... Why would it be of
the affair variety? I'm just curious.

You're a boy. I
have no doubt that...

That it would be, um, fun.

And maybe, even after my
last relationship, it would be...

It would be... [Chuckles]
really good for me, but...

But? B-B-But th-there's Jenny.

And for me to risk hurting her, it would
have to be for a greater emotional good.

I mean, th-this would... this
would only be a... a frolic.

You know it, and I know it.

I have a very strict
policy against fun.

Later, Glenn.

- You're a very pretty woman,
Miss Werner.
- Thank you.

- Have you ever been
told that before?
- I suppose.

I bet Mr. Millbury wasn't the first
opposing attorney to find you attractive.

No, but he was the
first one to come...

swinging down on a vine
asking me to "tune his skin flute."

- He actually said that.
- [Sighs]

- And you've been
a trial lawyer how long?
- [Werner] Six years.

And have you found, sometimes cases
turn on something other than the merits?

All the time. In fact, you think
your personal injury case...

against Mr. Millbury
was affected...

by his... ape-like behavior?

- Yes, I do.
- You felt reduced
in the eyes of the jury?

Correct. And jurors...

Who knows what
they'll respond to, right?

In fact, I've sometimes
flirted slightly with male jurors.

Just a little smile here
or there, nothing big, but...

You ever do that? [Chuckles]

We all try to charm
jurors. I won't deny that.

When you get dressed in
the morning of a trial day,

do you choose your
clothes carefully?

Yes. You want
to look attractive,

maybe even a little sexy for the men,
but not too much to put off the women.

- Am I right?
- Part of a lawyer's case
is presentation.

I-I-I won't deny that, either.
And part of a lawyer's strategy...

is to rile his opponent, to make him or
her seem antagonistic, disrupt her rhythm.

True? There is a line, Ms. Shaw.

And you proclaim to
know where this line is?

No. But when one
lawyer tells another...

that he "polished the pink
helmet" with me in mind,

that... that... that
crosses it, wherever it is.

I asked one question too many.

You did fine. You never ask a
question you don't know the answer to.

It's the cardinal rule of
cross-examination. I screwed up.

Jenny.

You did fine. Raymond,

now it all comes
down to your testimony.

Do you think you could
possibly come off "Homo sapien"?

I can try.

And what about the kiss?
You need to explain that to me.

Oh, we were just fighting.
So you kissed her?

Well, we were arguing, and
she started getting dismissive.

You know when you're tryin'
to get through to somebody,

and you grab 'em and
hold 'em, you know,

to kinda try and force eye contact
so they'll see your point, to connect?

I don't really grab
people, Raymond.

Well, our faces
were close, like this.

And then she got
this look. It almost...

I don't know. I swear, it's
like she wanted to kiss me.

A man can read that look,
especially the ape-like men.

She didn't pull away.
She just stared back at me.

So I pulled her closer.

We were just like this.
See how I'm holding you?

You could easily pull away if you
wanted. Well, this is how I had her.

And in that second,
I actually was...

attracted to her.

I pulled her even tighter.

Our lips were three
inches apart, just like this.

So, I kissed her. Huh.

It was a one-time thing,
and, uh, she didn't complain.

That explain it? Huh?

Oh.

Yeah. [Ikettes] ♪ Hoo, hoo ♪

♪ Hoo, hoo ♪ ♪ I got
a whole lotta kisses ♪

♪ Oh, baby you've been missin' ♪

♪ I got a love everlastin' ♪

♪ And it's yours
for the askin' ♪

[No Audible Dialogue] ♪
If you come back home ♪

♪ I'll be right there I'll have
your pipe and slippers ♪

♪ Right by your chair ♪
[Continues]

They let anybody sing
up there? I don't know.

They let you sing. So
you testify tomorrow?

The truth, the whole truth and nothing
but the truth, so help me God. Wag-tail.

And Jenny's doin' okay? Great.

What's up with you
two these days? Why?

I almost kissed her.
[Gags] Excuse me?

Not really. It was part
of a demonstration.

I was showing her how I
came to kiss the plaintiff.

But as it was, she's cute up close,
Jenny. She's got these big eyes...

What are you saying, Raymond? You
want to go out with Jenny? No. Maybe.

But I would never, I mean,
without... I mean, unless...

Forget it. Golden Rule. You think I'd let
you do one of your hit-and-run numbers...

I don't do that. Don't be
foolin' around with Jenny.

Okay. You still have
feelings for her? Of course.

I love her. I'm not
gonna go there.

Is she interested?
Look, I don't know.

I-I don't want you hurting
her. She's not a wag-tail. Fine.

Fine.

♪ Oh, baby if you bring
your love back to me, yeah ♪

♪♪ [Continues] Do you
think Ally's too old for me?

You're gonna go out with Ally?
No. No, no. I... She said was too old,

so I'm just wonderin', if ever
I met somebody like Ally...

I would want to date,
would she be too old?

Why are you lying to me?
If you like her, just tell me.

I-I can't get her
out of my mind. I...

When I'm with her, I want to tell her
everything there is to know about me.

Have you? No. I'm
just sayin'... Forget it.

No. Look, look, look. I don't really know
her, but she seems like a real woman.

Well, isn't that good? Eh, it's
just that, uh, we're not real men.

What are we, then? We're the guys
girls go out with for three months,

have the time of their lives, until they
grow up and meet the man they'll marry.

Ally? She's already grown up.

Oh.

♪♪ [Continues] I made up my
mind. I'm getting up there to sing.

Is she interested
in dating you? Ally?

Jenny. Oh. I don't know, Glenn.
We did that double-date thing once...

I just... I... I don't want
her hurt. Next topic!

Is she interested?

She's not a wag-tail. Fine.

Fine. ♪ Your pipe and
slippers right by your chair ♪

♪ Oh, baby if you
bring it back, yeah ♪♪

[Knocks] Off to court?

Yeah, Raymond's testimony.

Say a prayer. Ah.

Wh-What do you think
about Raymond? I'm sorry?

Well, I know we always...
We joke about him,

but... seems like a
pretty good guy, isn't he?

What's going on, Glenn?
Nothin'. I was just...

You ever think... maybe
you should date him?

I-I know that seems
crazy. [Chuckles]

Glenn, if you want to go
out with Ally, you can. [Scoffs]

Ally? You don't think I
see? The whole office sees.

I-I don't know... I...

You were gonna say you don't
know what I'm talking about,

but you couldn't
finish the sentence...

because the one thing you and I
had... and will always have... is honesty.

We don't lie to each other.
Now, since I'm due in court,

I don't have time for you
to stumble your way along,

so I'm just gonna tell
you why you're in here.

Guilt is stopping you
from pursuing Ally.

And a lot of that guilt would go away
if I were to start dating somebody.

I get it. But for you
to come in here...

and try to fob me off
on your best friend...

so that you can shag Ally
with a clean conscience...

It's despicable, Glenn.
And it's not who you are.

So I can only assume that you're
thinking with the one part of yourself...

that I no longer associate with.

Now, I'm late for court.

Mmm. It was Raymond's idea.

What?

He was basically asking my permission
to date you. I didn't give it to him.

So much for your little theory.

[Muttering Quietly] Oh, I...

Don't you think this is a little
disrespectful, to just move in?

- Nelle, if you leave a place
abandoned, rats move in.
- Clearly.

I got an e-mail. It said,
"feel free to inhabit" his hole.

- So, you've heard from him?
- Yeah. It said he was safe.

He's probably down at some Club
Med with his pec-and-glute suit.

Richard, aren't you a little
concerned that he just takes off?

Flat screen? Oh, yeah.
It's, uh, far wall. Yeah.

You know, of course I'm worried.
But what else can I really do, but, uh...

Inhabit his hole.

When I was 15 years old, I'd written an
essay that was extremely personal to me.

I read it in front of the class,
which I wasn't crazy about doing,

but if you want to be a good writer,
you have to be willing to reveal yourself.

And when I finished what I thought had
been this incredibly emotional session,

a girl in the second row
came up to me after class,

and she said, "I just
want you to know,

"as I sat there watching you,

I couldn't take my eyes
off of your incredible ass."

Could you tell us how
this is relevant, Raymond?

Well, I remember how
devalued I felt in that moment.

And I realized,
people can become...

what they are in
the eyes of others.

- And ever since, I've been...
- An ass?

Aware... of the power one has...

to undermine the esteem
and demeanor of others.

So I started employing
it as a strategy in trial.

Every lawyer has some trick.

Most usually like to make the other
guy feel unprepared or... or overwhelmed.

But with women, I've found that
they have an innate predisposition...

to thinking, "I'm not really
smart. I am how I look."

With women who dress to accentuate their
physical beauty, this is especially so.

All I was doing
with Miss Werner...

was trying to
exploit a weakness.

So, this was just a strategy.

That's correct. And if it's
strategy, anything goes.

Miss Beckenworth, in
your closing arguments,

you'll no doubt be calling me
a chauvinistic, insensitive oaf.

I won't sue you for it.

Except your chauvinism goes
to the merits here, Mr. Millbury:

making sexual advances
on opposing counsel...

for the admitted
purpose of harassing her.

Older attorneys attack
my youth in court.

Blue bloods refer to
me as a "swell guy"...

Implying to the jury that I'm a
"good old boy," meaning "dumb."

Everybody looks for
chinks in the armor.

What chink were you exploiting
with my client? That she's beautiful.

There's a prejudice in this country: Where
there's beauty, don't look for brains.

I didn't invent it. I don't
really buy into it either.

The surprising thing is,
is that your client does.

That's why she's suing me.

He was really good. I mean, he
didn't even waive his right to be a pig,

and he was still
very persuasive.

[Ally] That's great. And he was
in total control. That's the thing.

The jury was just drawn
right in. That's terrific.

And he made sense, Ally. He
really did. Yes, you... you said that.

And... I'm attracted to him.

- Wha... Ooh. Ah.
- [Teakettle Whistling, Stops]

What was that last
one? I can't believe it,

but while he was testifying... I
don't know... he just seemed...

He seemed what? Cute.

Now just tell me I
haven't lost my mind. No.

No, you haven't lost your mind.

And before, when he had
his hands on my shoulders,

I just wanted him to kiss me.

Wow. You think I'm weird.

Uh... Uh, well, no. No,
if you... if you want to

date Raymond, there's
nothing wrong with that.

Well, why would
anyone go out with him?

Well, we-we-we say that we want to
have an evolved, sensitive companion...

to share our feelings
with, and-and-and we do.

But underneath that, we still want a guy
who can beat up the other guys if need be.

Are we... an inferior gender?

Ugh. No. No. Actually, no. Th-The problem
is, is that women are so far superior...

on the relationship level that... that
it's tough to find a real autonomy with...

Well, it's... it's... [Sighs]

Jenny, they like football.

Now as a whole,
they're a dumb sex.

There... [Breadstick Snaps]

I said it.

Well, are you telling me there's not one
nice, funny, smart, decent-looking guy?

No, of course there
is. Well, where is he?

Detroit. Sorry?

I was kidding. Ha-ha.

'Cause, you know...
Because, you know, it

would take a sense of
humor to live in Detroit.

See the thing... the
thing about Raymond is,

is that even though
we don't want to admit it,

we are all drawn
a little to protectors.

And as far as bodyguards
go, he's... he's cute.

And he's a lawyer, so he's not that stupid.
He's just a little misguided. But...

- Is he kind?
- Actually, yes.

All right. So he's
smart, cute and kind.

Yeah, we... we... We
could all do worse.

♪ Are you ready for
this thing called love ♪

♪ Don't come from me and
you It comes from up above ♪

♪ I ain't no porcupine Take
off your kid gloves ♪ [Continues]

Don't you think we
should try to contact

him? Obviously, he's
going through a crisis.

Look, he's... he's always been
eccentric, Nelle, mysterious.

Yes, but he's never left before.
Maybe he's having a real breakdown.

- That ridiculous bodysuit
he was wearing?
- [Coughs] Bitch.

Sorry.

- Did you say something?
- I coughed.

I got something... [Coughs]
stuck up... in my throat.

I think we should go to his
house and check. Nelle's right.

Or go to the police. Oh,
yeah, the police. Yeah.

Show them the note where he vows
to be back. They'll call in the F.B.I.

You're just happy to
take over his hole. This is

just material gain for
you, isn't it, Richard?

I'll go to his house tomorrow
and check, okay? Thank you.

I think I should sing. You look good when
you sing up there. I think I should do it.

Raymond, you're
tone-deaf. Whatever.

How'd your testimony go? Okay.
I think the jury saw the real me.

And you're not offering
to settle? [Giggles]

That's funny. No, it's all up
to, uh, Jenny now. She closes.

She's a good closer, right?

I didn't mean it
like that. Right.

I didn't. Look...
Glenn, will you just

forget it? I told you
I'm not gonna go there.

Hey, I'm okay if you
do. Right. That's obvious.

I'm serious. As long as you're
not lookin' for a notch on your belt.

Please. My belt is all talk. You
know that better than anybody.

If you treat her
well, I'm okay with it.

I don't think you
are. Well, fine then.

You think what you
want, but, you know, I-I...

I want her to go out with a
good guy. And you're a great guy.

I mean, would it... would it be awkward
for me at first? Of course. Absolutely.

But, you know, in the long run, I mean,
you know, I... Let me ask you a question.

Suppose it did work out. You two
fall in love. What's that gonna do to us?

I'm asking you.
No, I'm askin' you.

I'm her ex. Could you be
friends with your lover's ex?

Well, so you're still saying no.
That's just another way of saying it.

No. I'm sayin' that I could be okay
with it ultimately. I'm asking, could you?

Let's just change the
subject, okay? All right. Fine.

So, how's Ally?

How would I know?
Guess you wouldn't.

Fine. Fine.

♪ Are you ready for
this thing called love ♪♪

We live in a society...

"Might makes right."
"Winner takes all."

"Show me a good loser, I'll show
you a loser." It's all about winning.

And if you do so, then you're
successful. Never mind your behavior.

In business? "Ruthless,"
"cutthroat"... that's high praise.

Similarly, in law, it's, "Get
your verdict," "your number."

And if it means harassing your
opponent, sexually degrading her...

Committing a sexual
battery even... so what?

If it's good strategy,
that's just the way it goes.

We need the 12 of you...

to reset those
boundaries a little.

Your daughters might be
lawyers one day, your sons.

Maybe for their sake,
if not Sarah Werner's,

let's dial the
code of conduct...

back to include simple
manners, decency.

There is no law against
our world being dignified.

Trial law... It's
like going to battle.

Forget lawyers treating their learned
brothers and sisters with respect.

It doesn't work that
way anymore. It's a war.

And you know
what? I can take it.

And I have a lot of women
lawyer friends who litigate.

And guess what?
They can take it too.

We can dish it out, and we push
buttons, just as we get ours pushed.

And we win sometimes,
and other times not.

But it's the good ones...

Ones like Miss Beckenworth...

They don't go running
to their rooms...

crying sexual harassment
every time they lose.

We stand up. We pick
ourselves up. We fight harder.

I'll tell you this. As a woman, I am
totally offended by Mr. Millbury's conduct.

It was unacceptable. But I'm
outraged by the plaintiff's suggestion...

that because we're women, we can't
handle ourselves against the likes of him.

I don't need special protection.

I don't want it.

You're a woman, for
God sakes. Be a man.

Well, it's just that, um, I find
myself getting... [Sighs] y-you know...

- "Horny-ous."
- Weaker!

And i-it's not that I think
that I should be with him.

- No.
- It's just that I am
a fairly attractive woman,

and I have fertile eggs, and... and for
me to be alone, it just seems a little...

- Against God?
- [Quietly] Mmm. Mmm.

Allyson.

- Would you dance with me?
- Um... Um... Um... Uh, s-sorry?

Sometimes a woman misses the trappings
of a relationship. Dance with me, Allyson.

Trust your therapist now.

[Clicks] [Man On Speaker,
Slow] ♪ Oh, ho-ho, ho ♪

Just close your eyes...

and pretend you're with a man
you love. ♪ Oh, ho-ho, ho ♪

Let yourself go, Allyson.
♪ Oh, ho-ho, ho ♪

[Sighs] ♪♪ [Flute:
Mock Asian Melody]

You feel better? Yeah,
actually, I... I do. [Chuckles]

It's the trappings sometimes.

[Pop, Fast] ♪ Everybody
was kung fu fighting ♪

- What the...
- Keep up, Allyson.

I am not gonna keep up.
Trust your therapist now.

Gimme the remote. Allyson.

♪ In fact it was a little bit
frightening ♪ [Both Yelling]

♪ But they fought with expert
timing ♪♪ [Martial Arts Vocalizing]

♪♪ [Stops] [Scoffs]
That is ridiculous!

Maybe we should go home. Who
knows how long they could deliberate.

They indicated they were close.

You seem nervous. Me?

No. I'm fine. I just... I
just get restless. Mmm.

Raymond, if you lose,
she's suing you personally.

You could lose your house, worse,
your wardrobe. I know this, Jenny.

Are you trying to make
me nervous? No, I...

I guess I'm just curious why
you've trusted all of this to... freckles.

You really don't
have a clue, do you?

You're a pretty
amazing attorney.

How many lawyers do
you think could take on

the phone giants like
you did and scare them?

And your closing just
now... It... it was fantastic.

Thank you.

You don't have a
clue about anything.

You mean, like you might
be interested in dating me?

Women's intuition,
plus Glenn told me.

I said to Glenn, I thought
you were cute. I never...

If there's one golden rule in life, you
don't mark on your best friend's turf.

Oh, "mark on his turf"...
there's a romantic turn of phrase.

I actually think Glenn
would like for you to date me.

That would give him a free guilt pass to
date Ally, and that's what he really wants.

What do you want? Me?

Yeah. Well, what do you want?

I'd like to go out with
you. You're not concerned?

Of course I am... mostly about
me and Glenn. He's my best friend.

One reason for that, we've
always taken each other at our word.

His word here is that
he'd be okay with it.

And if he's not? I'd
probably stop seeing you.

Well, there you go.
What "there you go"?

I'm open to finding out.

You haven't answered
the previous question.

What about you?
What do you want?

Well, I'm open to dating.

I'm single now. I'm not
seeing Glenn anymore.

The field is... open.

Am I in the field?

- Well, the truth is...
- Jury's back.

[Door Closes]

We should get in there. Okay.

Suddenly I'm nervous. Me too.

Madam Foreperson, has
the jury reached a verdict?

- We have, Your Honor.
- What say you?

In the matter of
Werner versus Millbury,

we, the jury, find in
favor of the plaintiff...

and order the defendant
to pay damages...

in the amount of 75 cents.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, thank
you for your service. We're adjourned.

[Gavel Raps] [Both Murmur]

Thank you. [Inhales] Mmm!

Now they're not saying you were right,
Raymond, only that she didn't get hurt.

I understand. Thank you again.

Thanks for trusting me.

Well, celebrate?

Absolutely. ♪♪ [Rock]

"Some of y'all never
been down south too much.

I'm gonna tell you a
little bit about this, so

you'll understand what
it is I'm talkin' about."

I'm sorry?

♪ Down in Louisiana ♪
[Crowd Hooting, Cheering]

♪ Where the alligators
grow so mean ♪

♪ There lived a girl that
I swear to the world ♪

♪ Made the alligators look
tame Polk Salad Annie ♪

I begged him not to do this.

♪♪ [Continues]
Well, he's not... terrible.

No, he isn't. You said
he couldn't hit a note.

He's hitting one of mine.
[Motorcycle Engine Revving]

♪ A mean, vicious woman ♪

He doesn't qualify
as a missing person.

What if he really didn't
write the note or the e-mail?

It had to be him. Who else
knew of his hole? Melanie?

Wha... Oh, you think, uh, she
kidnapped him. Well, she loved him.

Nelle, John is going through
something. H-He'll be back.

[Sighs] ♪ And carry it
home in a tote sack ♪

♪ Polk Salad Annie ♪ [Crowd
Continues Hooting, Cheering]

♪ The gators got your granny
Chomp, chomp, chomp ♪

♪ Everybody said
it was a shame ♪

[Motor Cycle Engines Revving] ♪ 'Cause
her mama was a-workin' on a chain gang ♪

♪ Straight razor-totin' woman Polk
Salad Annie ♪ [Engines Continue Revving]

♪ Oh, Polk Salad Annie ♪♪

♪♪ [Fades]

[Clears Throat] It's,
um... It's Friday night.

Mmm. Meaning?

Well, I... have a
life. Also plans.

It's nearly 9:00. Uh, could we
re... resume this on Monday?

Uh, sure. I mean, yeah, okay.

You know, you once spoke
of the getting ready for a date...

The fixing your hair, the... the
putting on a... a pretty dress.

In fact, you... you said it was often
your favorite part of a Friday night.

Well, th-the man part is
usually the... the letdown.

Well, go home... and do that.

Put on a sexy dress.

Do your hair. Splash
some perfume around.

Enjoy the anticipation of it.

Christmas is nothing
compared with Christmas Eve.

- Isn't that pathetic?
- Of course not.

You're embracing the spirit
of having a relationship...

in lieu of...
actually having one.

- Again, isn't that pathetic?
- Allyson.

Give me your hand.

I have plans. [Scoffs]

If you're not happy,
pretend that you are.

It's the trappings.

Mmm, this is me up here.

I know where you live, Jenny.
I've been there before. Oh, right.

[Both Chuckle]

I'm not inviting you in,
so you can forget that.

I wouldn't go in if you did.

Right. "You can't lift your
leg on your best friend's girl."

Is that the saying?
[Chuckling] No. No. It isn't.

Listen.

Thanks. You saved my life today.

Well, let's not
exaggerate. But again,

thank you for trusting me.

So... [Vonda, Slow] ♪ I
think we're alone now ♪

So. [Chuckles] ♪ The
beating of our hearts ♪

♪ Is the only sound ♪

Good night. ♪♪ [Kick Drum, Soft]

Right. Good night.

♪♪ [Soft Drum Continues]

♪ Tryin' to get
away into the night ♪

♪ Then you put your
arms around me ♪

♪ As we tumble to the ground
and you say ♪ ♪♪ [Soft Drum]

Mmm. Mmm.

Mmm. [Chuckles]

Okay. Good night, Raymond.

Good night. ♪ Runnin'
just as fast as we can ♪

♪ Holdin' onto one
another's hand ♪

♪ Tryin' to get
away into the night ♪

♪ Then you put your
arms around me ♪

♪ As we tumble to the ground
and you say ♪ ♪♪ [Soft Drum]

♪ I think we're alone now ♪

♪ The beating of our
hearts is the only sound ♪

♪ I think we're alone now ♪

♪ There doesn't seem
to be anyone around ♪

♪ I think we're alone now ♪

♪ The beating of our hearts ♪

♪ Is the only sound ♪♪

[Woman] You stinker!