Ally McBeal (1997–2002): Season 4, Episode 21 - Queen Bee - full transcript

An attractive woman has come to the office to hire Richard and John, but she's the queen bee, and all Richard wants to do is suck on her toe and John has to try and win the case while fighting the urge to lust after her. Meanwhile, the Reverend and Lisa Knowles are fighting again, this time because he's dating a new woman in the church choir and Lisa keeps singing at her. Jackson and Nelle are supposed to mediate, but they seem to be making things worse by accidentally making fat, dumb and ugly jokes about Lisa's lawyer.

May I help you?

You could direct me to Richard Fish.

Yes. Oh.

- Sydney, hello. Richard Fish.
- Hello.

Nice. Uh...

Shall we go to my...

- Office.
- Yes. That's... Yeah.

Yeah.

- Who's that?
- I don't know.

I don't know who she is,
but I don't like her.

All right. Let's sit over there.



Oh, fine.

So. As you know, I run an ad agency.

And you're being sued, which is...

- Please, don't get ahead of me.
- Oh, no.

No.

I chose your firm for its experience
in sexual harassment litigation.

You make it sound sexual.

Shall I say it again?

Sexual... sexual... sexual
harassment litigation.

Did you like that, Richie?

Yes.

- Do you like when I call you Richie?
- Yes.

- Your mother called you Richie, I bet.
- She did.

Do you like it when women
talk "mommy talk" to you?



- Do you like when I do it?
- Yes.

You're aroused, and I'm only talking.

Try to hold out,
just until I'm done speaking.

Okay, that's fine. That's fine.

- Okay.
- All right.

Rich?

Now, I hire men to work
at my agency, right? Only men.

The infrastructure's like
a beehive. It's labor-intensive.

It's intricate, it's autocratic,
and I'm, well...

...I'm the queen.

Rich?

- Richie?
- Yeah?

All right.

Have you ever sucked
on a woman's toe before, Richie?

No.

Can you imagine the glory of that toe?

Moments ago we didn't know each other,
and now you must have my foot.

Look, I'm a lawyer.
Did you come to hire my firm?

Yes, I'm gonna explain my case...

...but can you
stop thinking about my toe?

- No.
- You must, Richie.

Can I just have it for one minute?

- Do you promise to stop after that?
- I promise.

Go to my foot, Richie.

VONDA SINGS:
I've been down this road

Queen Bee

Walking the line
That's painted by pride

And I have made mistakes in my life

That I just can 't hide

Oh, I believe I am ready

For what love has to bring

I got myself together

Yeah, now I'm ready to sing

I've been searching my soul tonight

I know there's so much more to life

Now I know I can shine a light

To find my way back home

Oh, baby, yeah

Oh, yeah

First up: Lisa Knolls and Mark Newman
are having problems again.

- Who was that woman last night?
- What woman?

You know what woman.

Oh, Sydney Gale's being sued
for wrongful termination.

John, I could use your help here.

- We can't represent her.
- Why not?

I don't know why not yet.
I just know there's a reason.

- Ally? Could you handle Mark's...
- No, I'm friends with Lisa Knolls.

Nelle, Jackson, you take it.

Newman is your client.
Why aren't you doing it?

Who is Sydney Gale?

- Reverend Newman's here.
- Nelle, Jackson.

John? My office. Now.

You sucked her toe?

I'm not into that.

- I just had to go to it.
- Within five minutes?

There's something about her.
She's got a sexual power.

Her melodic tone sucks you in.
You ever been sucked in by a woman?

Not onto her toe.

That's why I need a second chair.

I can handle this alone,
but I just feel a little...

...stripped of my... What's the word?

- Faculties?
- Yeah.

You went down on her foot.
It's worse than wattle.

She's got some power.

Richard, you're a senior partner.

When will you break out of this slump?

Richie? Hi.

- Am I late?
RICHARD: Oh, no. You're right on time.

Sydney, this is John Cage.

Oh, John. Hello. Hello.
How are you? How are you?

I'm fine.

Oh. Richie told you about my toe.

Didn't he, John?

Would you like to see it?

The problem is, I have a new
girlfriend, and Lisa doesn't like it.

- She's causing problems?
- It's hurting the congregation.

What's she doing?

My new girlfriend's also in the choir.
And Lisa...

...sings at her sometimes.

What do you mean?

Instead of directing
these hostile songs at me...

...her target now is Buttons.

- Buttons?
- That's my new girlfriend.

Her name is Buttons?

When Lisa sings these hostile songs...

If Buttons thinks she's a target,
and she always is...

...she starts singing back at Lisa.
All hell breaks loose.

What exactly is the legal issue?

Lisa wants me
to fire Buttons for soloing.

Buttons wants Lisa fired because she's
hostile. I'd like to fire Lisa...

...but I dated her,
and I'm afraid of being sued.

Well, cause is cause.
How hostile are these songs?

- Come see at our service tonight.
- Well, I...

If nothing else, it'll be a good show.

Hm.

I worked my way
up to account executive.

- You worked closely with Ms. Gale?
- We all did.

Describe the relationship you and the
other men at the firm had with her.

It was a strict monarchy.
She was our boss.

We also, well, crave her.

"Crave" her?

I don't know how she does it.
But we lust after her.

Most of us have had sexual contact.

- How many work there?
- Over 100.

And they all lust after her?

For whatever reason.
Bringing her pleasure...

...any kind of pleasure,
it's very gratifying.

But you wanted to stop?

I had to. It's unhealthy.
I'm getting married.

And when you told her?

She fired me.
She said I knew the rules...

...and if I couldn't play by them,
I was fired.

- Were you required to have sex?
- No.

It wasn't just sexual contact.
You requested...

...there be no contact
of any kind whatsoever. Correct?

- Correct.
- No contact with your own boss?

Because to have contact with her
is to obsess over her.

You can't even talk to this woman
without obsessing over her?

She exerts this power.

She talks to us in a way that
all we want to do is please her.

Then why not just leave?

- You didn't want to leave her.
- I need my job.

There are other jobs.
You don't want to leave her, do you?

No.

JOHN: Did you have intercourse?
- No.

- You never had intercourse with her?
- No.

What kind of contact
are we talking about?

I would lick her forearm.

JOHN: You would lick her forearm?
JACOBS: Yes.

JOHN:
Would she ask you to do this?

- No.
- You would ask her, right?

- Yes.
- You would beg to lick her arm.

Yes.

We need to rise up
against violence in schools.

CONGREGATION:
Violence!

- Join hands.
- Join hands!

You can't beat down hate
with bigger hate!

- You can only conquer with love!
- Love!

- Love!
- Love!

- Again!
- Love!

- One more time!
- Love!

- Rise up now!
- Rise up!

Join hands in love!

I'd rather see you dead, little girl
Than see you with my man

Better keep your head, little girl
Or you won 't know where I am

Better run for your life if you can
Hide your head in the sand

Catch you messing with my man
That's the end, little girl

Man, he wasn't kidding.

That must be Buttons.

I can 't spend my whole life trying
Just to make you toe the line

Better run for your life if you can
Hide your head in the sand

Catch you messing with my man,
That's the end, little girl

[SINGS]

Well let this be a sermon
I mean everything I said

Baby, I'm determined
And I'd rather see you dead

- Better run for your life if you can
- Hide your head in the sand

- Catch you messing with my man
- That's the end

You better run, girl
You better run

- You better hide
- You better hide

- That's my man
- Let this be a lesson, girl

Get over it
That's my man

- You can have him
- Not giving him up

Don 't tell me what to do
You better run, little girl

- You better run
- Get a life

- Go get a life
- I got a life

- Get a life
- You better run

That's my man
That's definitely my man

- No, no, no, no
- No, no, no

Oh, yes!

RICHARD:
Where's the queen?

Right there. That big one.

- Are they fornicating?
- No. They're working for her.

- How do they do anything?
- They do a lot.

That's the thing, bees work as a group
to perform complex tasks.

- What about the queen?
- She just gets her toes sucked.

Come on. We gotta get to court.

That wasn't cause?

The problem was, the congregation
seemed to love it.

I can't have a choir singing,
"I'd rather see you dead."

- Get them in a room...
- You saw them in a room.

- Reverend, my specialty is smooth.
- Oh, please.

Sorry.

Lisa is a very volatile person.
And Buttons...

We get them together, make them see
reason, and smooth it out.

- I don't think you understand.
- Reverend, this is what I do.

- A beehive?
S YDNEY: Right.

- That's the structure of your company?
- Yes, Richie.

Bees are mobile entities
that service the queen.

It's the most collaborative of our
ecosystem. All working for one.

I happen to be that one.

- And it works?
- Extremely well.

Now, is sex part of its success?

Well, it motivates.
The drone bee has to want it.

RICHARD: He has to want it.
S YDNEY: Yes.

S YDNEY: It motivates.
To get the best results from people...

...it's helpful if they want
to copulate... copulate... copulate.

It's in part why I hired you.

[NOSE WHISTLES]

I apologize.

When did you discover you had
this power with men?

I first realized it in high school.

- I found I gave off a pheromone that...
- A pheromone?

Yes. It's a chemical odor
that stimulates men sexually.

- It's what the queen bee does.
- The queen bee emits a pheromone.

And some women
naturally have it as well.

I'm one of them.

So you began to use this
to your advantage?

It motivates the drone...

...knowing he may be able
to offer his spermatozoa to the queen.

- Do you mate with all your employees?
S YDNEY: No.

- Many?
- Perhaps.

And you see no problem?

The first thing I say
to every prospective employee is:

"Don't even consider working here
unless you're prepared to desire me."

Because he will.

You expect every male employee
to have sex with you?

No, Your Honor.
I expect them to want to.

- Hello.
- Hi.

I need to use the little boys' room.

Oh, it's over there.

- Hello.
LARRY: Hi.

- Sydney Gale.
- Larry Paul.

Larry. How are you?

Well, my arm hurts.

[GROWLS]

What happens next?

We put on our last witness. If they
have no rebuttals, we go to closings.

Are we winning?

I have no idea.

- I'm drawn to her.
- Take a number.

But it isn't like me.
I'm not one for physical frolic.

If she doesn't speak to me
emotionally, I have no interest.

I don't connect with her at any level.
Yet all I want to do is...

I want to dive into her and just...
I mean, I just want...

- Sex.
- Sex, sex, sex.

I want to do things to her.
Even if she doesn't do them to me.

I want to ravage her. Yes, ravage.

It's disturbing that I'm capable
of such urge, but I am.

I'm overcome with urge.
I'm utterly upended.

- I just want her toe.
- Don't let me succumb.

It'd be unprofessional,
and I'd be diminished.

She leaves men weak.
I won't be rendered that way.

- I didn't feel diminished.
- You nursed her toe.

You can't be proud.

Just don't let me succumb, I beg you.

I'm the music supervisor,
and I can choose the songs I sing.

When you two first broke up,
you began with the hateful songs.

Then it got better.
And now that he's dating again...

Can I stop you there?

That's a violation right there.
His dating again.

I'm sorry?

To openly carry on a love affair...

...right in front of the nose
of an employee he was involved with?

- That's sexual harassment.
- What?

- How so?
- It's a sexually-charged thing.

Contributing to a hostile environment.

- The law...
- I'm not finished.

I'll tell you what it is.
The Sexual Harassment Law...

...is an expanding thing.
It changes every day.

I'm sure you champion
expansion whenever you get...

What's that?
You're making a fat joke now?

- I am not making...
- Let's hold on here.

- There's a lot of emotion...
- Shut up, pretty boy.

Nobody likes a pretty boy.

No one is attempting to be pretty.

What's that, an ugly joke?
Is he calling you ugly?

- He meant her.
- Funny, you tank.

Okay, that is enough.

- Ain't you pretty.
- Are you a lawyer?

What's that, a dumb joke?
Fat, dumb, and ugly now.

- Seriously, are you a lawyer?
- No, I'm her emotional representative.

Her "emotional representative"?

You can't stop her
from singing, pretty boy.

And if he fires her after having
a sexual relationship, she can sue.

She's got quid, she's got pro,
and she's got quo.

And she'll be suing his holy ass.

- Mrs...
- What's this interrupting?

Hey, hey, hey!
Let's all just calm down.

Don't try to smooth talk us,
Mr. Pretty Boy.

The deal is simple.

He dumps Buttons, or she'll
sing whatever she wants.

Why? Because there's nothing
you can do about it.

Let's go, Lisa.

Well, seems the smooth approach
fell short.

Hello.

We'd like to interview some of your...

...satisfied employees,
and call one as a witness.

Okay. Why? Are you worried?

Not terribly. It's just
this case is very hard to call.

Well, the jury could
think of you as predatorial.

They could think the plaintiff
consented. It's tough for me to tell.

John?

Are you feeling like you can't be
as objective as you'd like?

- Well, I...
- Are you just...

...a little bit jealous of Richard?

Well, because he got to suck
on something?

I'm not into unconventional antics.

I already knew that.
With you...

With you it's the simple kiss...

...that's the greatest turn-on, right?

Not the hungry ones. No.
But the gentle kiss.

You know, when the lips just...

...slowly...

...softly caress each other.

Right?

- I'm not a drone.
- I realize that.

But I also sense that you're just
a little distracted by...

...well, the wonder
of what it might be like.

To caress my lips.

John? If we could
remove the mystery...

...do you think that we might
extinguish the distraction?

Thanks for coming in.

Is this legal, talking
to me alone without counsel?

Mrs. Parks isn't a lawyer.
She's a bus driver.

She's still my representative.

I needn't tell you.
You can't do this.

There are many women out there. He
doesn't have to date a choir member.

- No, he doesn't. But, Lisa...
- It's humiliating.

I know it hurts. But the humiliation
here is in what you're doing.

How can you put your misery
on stage like that...

...in front of the whole church?
- It helps me deal.

He's doing it in front
of the whole church.

Once again, I know his affair
is hurtful. But you're the one...

...turning it into a spectacle.
- No. Buttons is.

If she'd just stay in the chorus...

You sang, "Run for your life,
or you'll end up dead."

I have to sing my pain a little.

Otherwise, I...

I just can't sit passive, Miss Porter.

I can't deal that way.

How about this? You sing your pain...

...but you tone it down a bit,
so you don't provoke.

- Is this necessary?
- I believe so.

Most of her employees are happy.
We need to hear that faction.

- What time are we due back in court?
- 11:30, so let's not waste time.

Right this way.

- This? They get work done?
- Oh, they get incredible work done.

And watch this.

[BUZZING]

- Wait, she still gets to sing?
- Well...

- Mean songs?
- Ugly songs?

Believe it or not,
she might make her case.

- What?
- To date an employee...

...break up and then to openly
date another employee?

All she has to show
is a hostile work environment.

- Women have won with far less.
- My dating other women is harassment?

It's not clear. The law's expanding.

Eventually, someone'll win
using this argument.

- You must be kidding.
- That's why many companies ban dating.

- Quagmire.
- I beg your pardon?

- It's a legal quagmire.
- Yes.

She agreed to tone her songs down.
And if you don't jump in, Buttons...

...you two can co-exist,
which is the best result.

- When you say she'd tone it down?
- She gets to sing her pain sometimes.

She won't sing her anger.
There'll be nothing directed at you.

Do you think you can contain yourself?

She doesn't sing at me,
I won't sing at her.

Excellent. It could work then.

It works because we're not trying
to get ahead at each other's expense.

Most companies, individual promotion
is at a cost to a coworker.

- One person advances, another's left.
- That doesn't happen at Gale?

KENSINGTON: We perform different tasks,
some in concert, some individually.

The goal's the same.

- And that is?
- To please Sydney.

Mr. Jacobs doesn't feel
that's healthy.

Let him work elsewhere.
I think it's healthy.

JOHN: Why?
- To service some corporate entity?

That seems rather empty to me.
But to service Sydney...

When you say "service"...

I mean, when I imagine
Sydney's approval...

...to see what I've done
has pleased her.

Okay, let's turn to the six-shooter.

Sex. Sex.

I've had sex with her once.
It came after a successful campaign.

She told me what
a wonderful job I'd done.

And she asked if I'd like
to offer her my spermatozoa.

Our brothers and sisters today
don't conform themselves to goodness.

- Not according to the Almighty.
- How we doing?

Well, so far, so good.
But she hasn't sung yet.

They look to see what the law says.

They conform their behavior
to legal boundaries.

They even extort the law,
if need be, to get what they want.

Easy, reverend, easy.

Brothers and sisters,
the only law to abide by is his law.

His law calls for brotherhood.
His law calls for forgiveness.

His law calls for a
celebration of love, anybody's love.

His law doesn't rule
from anger, does it?

His law isn't vengeful, is it?

His law isn't vindictive, is it?

The time has come
to celebrate his law as one.

As brothers and sisters.
As family. His law.

MAN: Amen.
WOMAN: Amen, reverend.

Ain 't nothing I can say

Nothing I can do

Here we go again.

No, this is about her pain,
that's all.

I feel so blue

I've got to make it right

For everyone concerned

- This is perfectly fine.
- Maybe.

If it means it's me
What's getting burned

I could never make...

... you unhappy

No, I couldn 't do that, boy

Wish I didn 't love you so

Wish I didn 't

Makes it so very hard to go

I knew the time would come

I'd have to pay for my mistakes

I can 't blame you
For what you're doing to me, boy

Even though my heart aches

I could never make...

... you unhappy

No, I couldn 't do that, boy

I wish I
I wish I

I could never make you unhappy

I could never

I could never make you unhappy

I could never

- I must have her.
- Have her. Get it out of the way.

Why must we be controlled by lust?

- Doesn't it bother you?
- Torture.

When she said I pleased her,
it excited me. I am a drone.

- Do all men become drones?
- Yes. Husbands.

Just do not let me alone
with that woman.

S YDNEY:
Why?

Because I'm just aching
to find out what would happen.

We gotta get to court.

[NOSE WHISTLES]

Hi.

You talked to her ex party.
You can't talk to a person ex party.

The word is "parte." It's Latin.
Party's something done with a balloon.

- That's a fat-dumb joke combined.
- I came here to talk to Lisa.

I know you did. Ex party.

LISA:
What do you want?

Are you okay?

Look, I was very moved by your song.
Everybody was.

- But maybe you need some counseling.
- I'm fine.

Okay. Even if you are,
that was a little too much pain to...

I'm not sure the congregation
thoroughly enjoyed that one.

You talking as a shrink
or an ex party critic?

I'm talking like somebody who cares.
If you want some free legal advice...

...it's okay to have a broken heart.

It's okay to sing about it.

To cry about it. But you really
can't do it in the workplace.

- Not like that.
- Why?

Because in the workplace,
we have rules.

A boss who puts out signals
of want, of sex, even lust...

That's simply against the law when it
becomes oppressive in the workplace.

Where's the law
to protect me in my workplace?

He's dating someone in my own choir.

Maybe the day will come
when that, too, will be illegal.

- Do you really want that protection?
- Why shouldn't I?

Because the underlying
assumption is that you're weak.

And that you need the protection.

Well, the weak do need protection.
It's a basic axiom.

The law is designed to safeguard
society's most fragile members.

Ms. Gale? She recruits the fragile.

Sexual harassment law is premised
on an imbalance of power.

She can't be exempt from the law
because she orchestrates the imbalance.

She never required anybody
to have sex.

Yes, she hires men she knows
will respond to her sexually.

Yes, she indicates she may,
on occasion, respond to me sexually...

Them. Respond to them sexually.

And yes, her office
is very much sexually charged.

Now the question here is:

Are all sexually charged work
environments, per se, illegal?

Even when employees knowingly enter
into that arena, with full disclosure?

If Sydney Gale were a male boss,
cultivating a little harem...

...we'd quickly declare the workplace
to be oppressive, therefore, illegal.

Why a different rule for women?

She psychologically profiles
them to make sure they're dependent.

She sexually preys on them every day.

Finally, when one employee decides...

...he doesn't want to have contact
with her, she fires him.

The question here:
Is Sydney Gale, per se, illegal?

Because she trades on her sexuality...

...and cultivates an environment
where men crave her.

Does a person in the U.S. Have
the right to build such a company?

Now, that is the real question
before this court.

To answer that question,
I'll ask another one:

Do we live in a free country or not?

And what I'm trying to tell you,
you're not free.

It's my church.
I can't set policy in...

It's a workplace. When it comes to
man-woman conduct in the workplace...

...the government makes the rules.

The United States of America
is telling me I can't date Buttons?

The United States of America
is telling you to be careful.

If dating her can be shown to create
a hostile environment for an ex...

- Quagmire.
- Yes, Buttons.

It's a big quagmire.
And you're about to fall in it.

You saw her pain, Mark. You and
Buttons may have a good thing...

...but keep it discreet
around the church.

You get better and better. I'd sure
like to be in the room when you crest.

- Can you ever drop the seduction thing?
- I don't know.

It's been so long since I've tried.

- It doesn't get old?
- Oh, no. Power never gets old.

Well, we all have
our addictions, right?

So, it's all about power and control,
is that it?

Not always.

Sometimes, I meet a man that
I obsess over a little bit myself.

Let me tell you something,
you might not be able to handle me.

I'm a machine when I get going.
Don't be misled by my stature.

- I can be ravenous.
- I've never doubted it.

In fact, if you want to tear off
my clothes right now...

...I'm sure that jury will be
just a few more minutes.

You want to tear off
my clothes, don't you?

You have no idea.
But I'm not going to, Sydney.

Because resisting my lust,
that's where I locate my power.

Jury's back.

- Just in time.
- Indeed.

Hi.

- You promised not to leave me alone.
- Well, I had to pee.

Have you reached a verdict?

- Yes, Your Honor.
- What say you?

In the matter of Jacobs versus Gale,
we find in favor of Sydney.

Members of the jury, thank you.
We're adjourned.

Well, we won.

- Thanks.
- Let's celebrate.

A little wine. A little dance.
A little toe.

- John, shall we celebrate?
- Let's just go to the bar.

Thank you.

Well I think it's time to get ready

To realize just what I have found

I have been only half of what I am

It's all clear to me now

My heart is on fire

My soul's like a wheel that's turning

My love is alive

- Why are you looking at her like that?
- Sorry.

Hey.

- What?
- Don't look at that woman.

Ever.

So, is Lisa gonna stop singing?

Says she'll try. If not, we could
go back to your smooth approach.

That's amusing.

You're a better man than me,
resisting her like that.

Well, it wasn't easy.

Does power make her sexy, or sexy
make her powerful? I don't get it.

We're not meant to.

But what if even more women
figure out this queen bee thing?

- Then we're all in trouble.
- Well, indeed.

My love is alive, ooh yeah

[BUZZING]