Ally McBeal (1997–2002): Season 4, Episode 15 - Falling Up - full transcript

Getting concerned that Larry is never coming back, Ally starts seeing his face everywhere. Which is a problem since Renee and Jackson have just started dating and Jackson is put off by Ally's many issues. John starts a war in the office with Nelle, at home with Melanie, and in the court room when he and his client staunchly believe that the entire point of marriage is to have children.

Oh, hi. Excuse me?

How much longer till we land?

We just took off.

How long is this flight?

- Just over three hours.
- That's great.

- I'm going to Detroit.
- Yes. As is the plane.

Don't you just love Detroit?

You've got a fella there.

Actually, I do.

- How long since you've seen him?
- Six weeks.

Oh, goodness.
I imagine he'll be quite frisky.



Probably picking out his little
condom as we speak.

Does he wear a condom,
or are you on the pill?

They have pills for men now,
did you know that?

Pills for everything. If he can't get
firm, they've got a Viagra pill.

Now they have other little tablets
to make spermy soldiers shoot blanks.

Oh, six weeks? He's probably got
the whole artillery lined up.

Excuse me, I'm gonna go
to the little ladies' room.

Gonna go put your little diaphragm in?

A three-hour flight, dear?
Lt'll ride up on you.

Uh, um, hi. The... The...

The lavatory?

First door on your left.

Not that door!

- What are you doing?!
- I thought that it was you!



Oh, my God.

- I didn't know you two...
- Get out.

Get out, Ally!
Get out, get out!

VONDA SINGS:
I've been down this road

Falling Up

Walking the line
That's painted by pride

And I have made mistakes in my life

That I just can 't hide

Oh, I believe I am ready

For what love has to bring

I got myself together

Yeah, now I'm ready to sing

I've been searching my soul tonight

I know there's so much more to life

Now I know I can shine a light

To find my way back home

Oh, baby, yeah

Oh, yeah

I can't believe it.

I slept with him on a first date.

It took me and Larry
two months before...

Yes. And that's another discussion.
I can't believe it!

- What happened?
- Okay.

He dropped me off.
He was actually leaving. We kissed.

- You kissed?
- Ally, we had sex!

So you kissed on the first date.
Fine. Then what?

And then it sort of led
to a second kiss.

And during that second kiss,
my hand just kind of...

...slid down a little.

What do you mean
it "slid down a little"?

- It slid.
- It slid "oops" or "I moved it"?

- I moved it.
- Frontal or backal?

Backal. And then after mine
slid down, his kind of slid down.

And then we started grabbing.
And next we...

Where is he now?

He left, after you rushed in.

- He didn't even stay the night?
- He said, you know, he...

...he had an early morning?

Okay. Okay.
Okay, things happen.

Remember me and the car wash.

But I like the guy, Ally.
Watch.

I'm never, ever gonna
hear from him again.

Let's get started. Seats, please?

First up, Bennett versus Clapp.

Another annulment? We're
becoming a niche firm on annulments.

John, help me out?

Our client, Eric Bennett,
took Mary Clapp to be his wife.

A presupposition of the marriage is
that they would raise a family.

Now she has decided
she doesn't want children...

...neither vaginally,
nor caesarian, nor adoption.

That's unacceptable to our client.
He wants the union dissolved.

Oh, please.

Thanks for that thoughtful input.

Is he prepared to stay home and scrape
vomit off the burpy blanket?

Aspirate the mucus out of its nose?
Wipe its bottom of green poopy?

You certainly hit the big issues.

Why not a divorce?

It's a blemish. It'd be against God,
depending on your religion.

- Is he rich?
- Filthy.

Annulment would be right.

LARRY'S VOICE: Lt'd be different
if they had a child.

We're not quite done here. But I
love the "eager beaver." Vulgarism.

We just... Moving on.

What's wrong?

I'm just... I'm starting to...

I just... You know...

Maybe some fresh air.

- Therapy before?
- Many times.

I feel like I've been doing well.

- Airplane?
- Yes.

- Elevator?
- Yes.

- Hallucinations?
- Yes.

- He's been gone...?
- Six weeks.

- Together how long?
- We're still together.

- How long before he went to Detroit?
- Two months.

- Married? Ever been?
- No.

- Him? Children?
- Once. Son.

- The mother?
- Detroit.

He's coming back when?

He hasn't said.

Hm.

"Hm"? What does that mean?

That's what my dentist says
when he sees a cavity. What?

I see a cavity.
End the relationship with this man.

It's a dead end.
Do it today.

Was there anything else
I can help you with?

I'm not gonna just...
No, no, see, he loves me.

- I'm sure he does.
- It's just that...

Detroit is so lovely in winter.

- End it.
- He wants to be close to his son.

End the relationship.

No. How can you...?
You don't even know me, or him.

I have been doing this
a very long time.

People move in two directions:
Forward or backward.

One day you are looking
into one another's eyes...

...the next he's in Detroit
with his child's mother. Not forward.

End the relationship.

While we were dating, we talked about
the names we liked for our kids.

We talked about the number.

- How many was that?
- Four.

Which is a lot today. She didn't just
want kids. She wanted a lot.

When she changed her
position on having a family?

It changed everything.

I won't go so far
as to say I was duped.

Objection!
Duped is an inflammatory word.

- He didn't say it.
- I just heard him.

- He said he wouldn't go so far.
- We all heard it.

- He uttered it.
- Saying he wasn't...

I want it stricken.

Let's move along.

Mr. Bennett?

We got married, in large part,
to raise a family.

That was the meeting of minds
when we married.

- I object.
- Now what?

Counsel has puffed up the witness
with buzz words.

- It's the court being duped now.
- All right.

Oh, balls.

Buzz word.

You don't need to stare.
Call Larry.

- You can call Jackson.
- No, I can't.

You know why.
I'll tell you this:

If he doesn't call
after where he's just been...

...he's a total pig.

- Is Larry a pig?
- What?

Well...

This therapist?
As cold as she was...

...it did sound a little
like cold truth.

It's been over a month and he
hasn't said when he's coming back.

Maybe it makes sense
to see other people to protect myself.

You don't need to protect yourself.
He's in Detroit because he has a kid.

- He's got a family.
- I want a family.

I mean, not now. Not tomorrow.
But someday. Don't you?

Yes.

Maybe I'm wrong, but we're both
staring at our cell phones.

Neither of which are ringing. I don't
think we're making any progress.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

- Hello?
- Hello?

He's come back to surprise you.

Hi.

You've got issues.

- Hey.
- Hi.

- You're embarrassed?
- I slept with you on the first date.

- Why?
- It's just a woman thing?

Guys don't want girls they can
sleep with on the first date.

Do girls want guys they can have
on the first date?

No.

Okay.

I guess it's settled.

We must not want each other.

No, no, no!

No, no, no!

Of course you want each other.
Listen to your...

...sliding hands.

You are gonna kiss her
and then leave like a gentleman.

You're gonna call tomorrow,
and you're gonna make dinner plans.

Kiss her.

I maintain you got issues.

Is it your testimony before
this court that my client...

...did not intend to have children
on the day you were wedded?

- I didn't say that.
- She changed her mind?

- Probably, though...
- Thank you.

And is it your testimony before
this court...

...that when two people join hands
in holy matrimony...

...they become precluded
from changing their aspirations...

...toward parenthood?
Is that your testimony?

Objection.
We know this is a court of law.

- None of us are here for tennis.
- Sanctions.

Throwing out verbiage like "holy,"
"matrimony" and "court of law"...

...hoping the reverence will rub off.
And he objects to the word "duped."

Listen, I want this jury to be hearing
the witnesses, not the lawyers.

Mr. Cage, let him finish.

Thank you, Your Honor.

You have no actual
or constructive knowledge...

...do you, sir, in this court of law,
that my client...

...as she took her vows,
I mean at the time she took them...

...contemporaneously
with the ceremony...

...do you know that my client
at that particular juncture...

...didn't want children?

I already said she may
have changed her mind after.

Thank you. That concludes this
portion of my cross-examination.

I don't know. I don't know.

- Are you losing?
- Maybe.

He made a good point about state
of mind at the time of the wedding.

He punctured my momentum
and made a good point to close.

He's an objectionable little man
who makes good points, damn it.

She's gonna testify, and you're gonna
work your John Cage magic on her.

Maybe I'll come by and watch and get
all hot with desire just watching you.

- That would be an overture.
- Yes, it would be.

Can you imagine she suddenly
decides she doesn't want children?

- Isn't that the essence of marriage?
- The essence? No.

But it's one of the essences.

- I don't want to have children.
- Okay. Funny.

I don't.

You don't?

No.

May I ask why?

Don't get me wrong. I love kids.
It's why I teach. I just don't...

[NOSE WHISTLES]

I've upset you.

[STUTTERING]

I'm due back.
I have a tennis...

- Court.
- Court.

- Richard. Hey.
- What's wrong?

Nothing's wrong.
Everything's great.

We always confide in each other,
don't we?

No.

Whatever. You need to talk?
I'm here. Yeah.

It's just that I feel so lucky.

- Lucky?
- Yeah.

Yeah, to have somebody that it
hurts so much to be apart from.

I know that a love that is so strong
is with you, even when he's not.

It should keep you strong.
It has. I am stronger...

...than I have ever been.

But, but, see, I just, um...

Well, I get my weak days.

- John and I went to this therapist.
- No!

I have been through it. No.

This guy's different.

Go, go, go!

I don't like him,
but he got results.

He kind of made us discover
the roots by ourselves.

I don't really want my roots
discovered. I just want Larry.

Look at me.

You've been the source of strength
for everybody else, Ally.

You have to let yourself cry.

I don't have the time or interest.
This therapist is good.

Give him one try.
I'll pass the cost onto a client.

- Hey, Ling.
- Hey. Nice tie.

Just got it.

Big date tonight.

Really?

- With Renee?
- Oh, yeah. Yeah.

How well do you know her?

Pretty well. The girls have had
a lot of slumber parties.

I'm not missing anything? She's
not an ax murderer or anything?

She's a great woman.

Okay.

Thanks, Ling.

Where are you going on your date?

Dinner and then the bar.
She's supposed to be singing tonight.

- Maybe we'll see you there?
- Maybe.

Can you tell us why you've changed
your mind, Ms. Clapp?

First off, the world is overpopulated.
Let's not forget that.

Schools are overcrowded.
People are starving.

I think the mindset that everybody
should have kids should be addressed.

I'd like you to focus, if you could,
on your specific decision-making.

Could you tell the jury, as they sit
here performing their civic duty...

...why you, Mary Clapp,
did not want offspring?

I just didn't feel
equipped to raise them.

I enjoy my job.

As an only child, I admit
I was raised rather selfish.

I began to question my capacity...

...to make the necessary sacrifices
parenting requires.

And I, quite frankly, didn't think it
would be fair to the children.

For the good of the children, you
decided not to give birth to them?

- Objection!
- Sustained.

Is it not true that
at the time you got engaged...

...you expressly wanted
to have children?

- Yes...
- You knew that he wanted them?

- I did.
- And you knew...

...he, in fact, got married to,
in fact, have children?

Objection!
Too many facts!

After you married this man of wealth
you decide not to have kids.

- Is that what happened?
- Yes. But I didn't dupe him.

What kind of person doesn't
want children?

- Objection!
- The kind that says they do...

...then says, "kidding,"
after they qualify for alimony?

- Mr. Cage.
- He planned a life for you.

You just decided to switch the plan,
didn't you?

Any woman who doesn't want children
has no business being a mother.

Pip-squeak.

Nothing further, Your Honor,
except to say...

...repugnant.

The witness may step down.

I'm sorry.

Well, I understand about
the airplane and the elevator...

...thing.

Falling.

It's about lack of foundation
or feeling unsafe.

The nun...

What about the nun?

I really believe
that she was judging me.

I mean, she was very sweet.
You would've liked her.

Well, when you, um...

You talk to a nun
about birth control...

It's not like we were dishing.

- May I open my eyes?
- Please.

It's likely you view the nun
as a symbol of celibacy...

...and on some level regard sex
foremost as a means of procreation.

You're going to see
the man you love...

...flying on a plane,
talking to a nun about birth control.

You want to marry Larry Paul
and have his children.

It's really not complicated.

So, why did I fall out of the plane?

Deep down, you know it'll never
happen. Let me salute your insight.

The reason many people marry...

...the reason they got married
was to start a family.

Eric Bennett dreamed of it, in fact.

Mary Clapp shared that dream.
Or so she declared.

To have and raise a child.

- Now what greater joy is there?
- Poop!

All right.

My client got married to Mary Clapp
to start a family...

...after which, she declares
she doesn't want children.

Well, there's no union here.

There was no "coming together."

And this marriage should be
rightfully dissolved.

A marriage is about many things,
children sometimes being one of them.

But Mary Clapp's wedding vows
went to Eric Bennett...

...to love and cherish
and be faithful to him.

Many men dream of conceiving
their own biological offspring.

Do we dissolve their marriages
if the wife turns out to be infertile?

Marriage fundamentally is
about two people...

...committing to each other.

Mary Clapp stands
by that commitment.

Do we really mean to suggest here
a woman shouldn't be free...

...to change her mind about whether
she wants to have a child?

Come on.

- You interrupted my closing.
- For somebody who reveres marriage...

...you have a funny place
of locating its essence.

You were an odd choice to be...

- Don't call me odd.
- What I am saying...

- Pip-squeak. Puke.
- Oh, balls.

Hey, you know you faked that!
You stutter-head!

- Stutter-head?
- I apologize. It's not that funny.

It was in the delivery.
"Y-Y-You stutter-head!"

All right. Fine.
Laugh at me, then.

Do you really believe that marriage
is mainly about children?

- The magic of childhood...
- Who says they're all magical?

Ah.

- What?
- We're talking about you.

My childhood was fine.

- Don't lie.
- Balls.

- Splat.
- Run over me, then.

Why is life about looking backwards?

- I'm not looking backward.
- You are.

You want to relive your childhood.

I'm looking at a future with somebody
who doesn't believe in marriage...

...or in having children. It's bleak.

Poop!

- Baby, baby, sweet baby
- Sweet, sweet

Something that I just got to say

- Baby, baby, sweet baby
- Sweet, sweet

You left me hurting
In a real cruel way

"Since You've Been Gone."
I love the theme.

- It's Motown night.
- Motown night?

Detroit, home of the Tigers,
Lions, Larry.

Oh, funny. Funny.

Just be true

Jackson and Renee
have a duet coming up.

- What?
ELAINE: You know what they say:

When people sing together,
they're doing it.

It's their second date, Elaine.

Renee's a bigger tramp than me.

- Than I used to be.
- Got it.

Ally? May I speak with you, please?

It's urgent.

Okay.

And I've just been so blue

Since you've been gone

Ally, can I ask you
a personal question?

Well, sure.

At some point, you want
to have children, right?

Damn it! Damn it! Why does everybody
think that he's not coming back?

I've got two therapists and a nun
telling me to move on. Now you.

You know what? Thanks a lot, John.

I'm talking about me and Melanie!

Oh.

She doesn't ever
want to have children.

She doesn't?

We just had a big fight.

Well, hey. Hey, John, couples fight.

If one wants a child and the other
doesn't, that's not good, right?

Okay.

You know, it's not, um...

I am sure that
she will probably come around.

Many people say that they never
want to have kids, okay?

But then they meet the right person
and suddenly everything changes.

The idea...

...of conceiving another being
with somebody you love...

...is much more powerful than
the abstract idea of having children.

- Really?
- Really. Do not give up on her, John.

No, no, no. Do not.

Well, I mean...

I agreed to think,
so I should perhaps go do that.

- Yeah.
- But thank you.

I never for a second thought
he wouldn't come back.

- Really?
- No.

Come on. The man knows what he has.

Though you don 't call anymore

I sit and wait in vain

I guess I'll rap on your door

Tap on your window pane

- What's up with the Biscuit?
- Oh, stuff.

Wow!

- Missing you
- Till you come back to me

That's what I'm gonna do

They're totally doing it.

Can you just listen to the song?

"Till You Come Back."
I love tonight's theme.

Free

I want us to do a number together.

- Elaine, I don't sing.
- I'll teach you.

If you love me,
you'll do a number with me.

I want to be hot like them.

To prove that my love is true

Oh, baby

I agree with you, Elaine.
They must be biblical.

Be quiet and enjoy the number.

Mark, could you pass
the feminine napkins, please?

- Bygones.
- Quiet.

I've got to make you see

Oh, that our love is dying

I'm gonna rap on your door

Renee?

Renee?

It's not what you think.

- What's going on?
- She's back, that's what.

I just came in looking
for the remote for...

...the television.

I felt her hovering.
I think she was watching us.

Were you watching us?

- As a matter of fact, yes.
- Why?

It was nice.

It made me feel a little less lonely
for a second to just look at you two.

I really was going for the remote.

Madame Foreperson, the jury
has reached a verdict?

- We have, Your Honor.
JUDGE: What say you?

We, the jury, find in favor
of the defendant...

...and rule that the marriage
shall not be dissolved.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,
this concludes your service.

- I'm sorry.
- You did your best. Thanks again.

I didn't sleep much last night.

I could barely tic.

Why don't we go back to the office?

Yes. Can we do that?

Sure.

My problem is you love children.

- Of course I do.
- Yeah, but hear me out.

- I am agreeing with you.
- Just hear me out, damn it.

Oh, peanut.

Go ahead.

Look, I mean you teach children.
You write children's books.

You love them, and you get them,
Melanie.

You totally tap into their magic,
their world.

What's your point?

My point is, I don't believe you.

When you say you don't want them,
I don't believe you.

Ally said something that...

She implied that many couples...

...when they opt to have children...

...they're motivated
to celebrate their union.

To have a baby with a person
you love most in life?

What could be richer than that?

I think at some point,
you're gonna meet the man...

...who you do want
to have children with.

I just don't think you've met him yet.

This is about me.

Evidently.

I'm not the one, am I?

You could very well...

...be the one.

You could be the love of my life...

...and I'd still walk away from you.

Oh, John, I was married once.

Years ago.

Happily married, and I walked away.

Why?

Because it's what I do.

Things flatten out. Normalcy.

Contentment.

And I walk away.

Children?

You have to believe in forever
before...

I love you.

I don't want to go.

Today or tomorrow.
But I'm gonna go one day.

I don't understand.

I know, I mean, you say
you love somebody...

You know, you...

It's just what I do.

I told you I would work on it,
and I did. I do. I will. I am.

But I know that one day...

...I'm gonna go away.

Well, then maybe
before either of us get too hurt...

...maybe it should be today.

[DOOR OPENS]

I think somebody's in the unisex.

The sadness and the sorrow

Wish me luck, the same to you

When do I sing?

But I can 't regret
What I did for love

What I did for love

LARRY:
You stuck me in a freezer?

[STUTTERS]

Are you back?

I'm back.

I'm not much better at hellos...

- How long?
- What?

I mean, is this...

...a visit?
Or how long are you back for?

Well, does forever work for you?

I was hoping to move in.

- Are you thinking about it?
- No, Larry, Larry...

I won't shave my legs in the tub.

No, uh-uh. Uh-uh, I'm...

I just won't be able to take
you leaving again.

Which works out well,
because I don't plan to.

I told you, I'm only
at the beginning of loving you.