Ally McBeal (1997–2002): Season 3, Episode 14 - The Oddball Parade - full transcript

[Tina Turner] ♪
Something on my mind ♪

♪ Won't somebody please ♪

♪ Please, tell me what's wrong ♪

[Ikettes] ♪ You're just a
fool You know you're in love ♪

♪ What you say ♪ ♪ You've
got to face it to live in this world ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey ♪ ♪
You take the good along with the bad ♪

- ♪ Hey, yeah ♪
- ♪ Sometimes you're happy
and sometimes you're sad ♪

- ♪ One more time ♪
- ♪ You know you love him ♪

- ♪ Tell me about it ♪
- ♪ You can't understand why he
treats you like he do ♪

- ♪ When he's such a good man ♪
- ♪ Listen ♪

♪ He's got me smiling when I
should be ashamed ♪ [Cheering]



♪ Got me laughing
when my heart is in pain ♪

- She's playing already?
- I told you.

Do you think it's too late to enter the
contest? The contest isn't till Thursday.

Well, there's gonna
be a cutoff, Elaine.

Not everybody's gonna
get a chance to enter.

We'll get in. Do you
think that it is undignified...

for a lawyer to enter
in an Ikette contest?

They're not called Ikettes
anymore. You know what I mean.

♪ Hey, yeah ♪

Really, Elaine. Assuming
I get the chance,

do you think I'll look silly
or embarrass the firm?

Why don't you ask
our senior partners?

- ♪ Why he treats you like he do
when he's such a good man ♪
- [Cheering]

♪ Tell me ♪
♪ Do, do, do, do ♪



[Ally] Look at her. Tina
Turner. [Elaine] Yeah.

You know, out of all the
celebrities in the world, Tina Turner,

she's the one I
think I'm most like.

I saw that. No, it's just...

when I first met you,
that's exactly what I thought.

I said to myself, "My
God, it's Tina Turner."

♪ Hey ♪
♪ Do, do, do, do ♪

♪ Tell me one more time ♪
♪ Do, do ♪

- ♪ Whoo-hoo ♪
- ♪ Do, do, do ♪♪

♪ I've been down this road ♪

♪ Walkin' the line
that's painted by pride ♪

♪ And I have made
mistakes in my life ♪

♪ That I just can't hide ♪

♪ Oh, I believe I am ready ♪

♪ For what love has
to bring Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I got myself together ♪

♪ Now I'm ready to sing ♪

♪ I've been searching
my soul tonight ♪

♪ I know there's so
much more to life ♪

♪ Now I know I
can shine a light ♪

♪ To find my way back home ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Baby, yeah ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪♪

Okay. Ahh.

We got in? Only 42
entered. Everybody got in.

Oh! ♪♪ [Humming]

[Laughing] What's going on?

Elaine and I are in the contest to be
Ikettes, though they're really not Ikettes,

'cause there's no Ike anymore...
At least no Ike and Tina...

But there is a Tina, and of
promoting her new record...

Breathe. They're having this
contest, and Elaine and I are in!

Which means we may meet
her. I will meet Tina Turner!

Which you know I've
wanted since I sniffed

your butt and decided
you were the man for me.

Of course, your ass doesn't smell
so good to me anymore... Breathe.

But Tina Turner is still Tina Turner,
and I might finally get to meet her.

Richard.

I'm fraught. Uh-oh.

We have a very difficult
case ahead in front

of Judge Walsh. Judge
Walsh doesn't like you.

It upsets him when your lips move
and when words emerge from them.

What's your point,
John? My point is, given

the aberrant nature
of some of our clients,

we don't need things
compounded with Fishisms.

Oh, John. I think we all agree,

I've grown considerably
as a trial lawyer.

I can really feel my
oats in there now.

And what I'm saying is we need you to
keep your oats to yourself on this one.

I'm ready. Off we go.

They evidently call
us out by number.

We have 20 seconds onstage.
That's it. They call the next number.

How many contestants
did you say? Forty-two.

Ally?

[Snarls]

Yes? I just wanna thank you.

What you said?

You know, about...
You were totally right.

Oh!

Oh, you and Billy?
You're together?

Seems so.

Well, that's... Ally.

Hi, Billy. What's new?

Can I steal you a second?

[Door Closes]

In the spirit of friendship
and candor... What?

Well, this contest to be
Tina Turner's backup singer...

I can understand
Elaine entering. But you?

Why not me?

There's gonna be a lot of people
going there who know that you work here.

Don't-Don't tell me that you are gonna
start in with the firm reputation speech.

Not after everything
you've been doing.

I've been acting crazy,
acting out, I admit it. Are you?

[Sighs]

Nice. Rain on the
one parade I get.

Now, I-I can't even
believe that you...

Look at you still, Billy, running around
with your secretary. What is she, 19?

You were the one who obviously told her
to pursue this. I told her to pursue love.

Now, I'm not saying that it's crazy for
her to fall for you, though it probably is.

I'm talking about you going
for her. What is she, 19?

She's 25 and she's a
good woman! Yippee.

That all?

That's all.

♪♪ [Orchestra Hit]

♪♪ [Orchestra Hit]

♪♪ [Orchestra Hit]

Oh, oh, oh. And in the
continued spirit of our candor...

I can see your roots.

I just feel natural in a dress.

It's the real me.

Well, how is it
the real you, sir?

Puts me in touch
with my feminine side.

I feel soft, supple.

Now, Mr. Schofield terminated your
employment because of how you dress?

Yes, he did.

He said I had to start
wearing suits, or else I'd be...

Your Honor, may I
remind the court that

Mr. Potts suffers from
a compulsive disorder.

It makes him clap
his hands on occasion.

Carry on.

Well, Mr. Valt, why not just wear
the suit, if it'll keep your employment?

[Valt] Deep down, ever since I
was 12 years old, I've known it.

You've known what,
sir? That I'm a woman...

trapped in a man's body.

Finally, I went to a doctor.

He tells me that I have a fetish
for wearing women's clothes.

You see, this here
is a medical thing.

Did you tell Mr. Schofield
this was a medical condition?

Yes, I did. And he
fired me anyway.

Mr. Valt, this is a
graphics design company.

Correct? Yes.

So, potential clients come by
the office to check the place out.

That happens pretty
regularly, does it not? Yes.

And do these customers
ever stare at you?

Not for long, they don't.

[Tina Turner] ♪ Big wheel
keep on turnin' ♪ ♪ Turnin' ♪

♪ Proud Mary keep on burnin' ♪
♪ Burnin' ♪

♪ Rollin', rollin' ♪

♪ Rollin' on the river ♪

♪ Say, we're rollin' ♪♪

Ooh. Once it gets going,
it takes on a life of its own.

Are you sure that you
should be in this contest?

Why shouldn't I? Well...

Well, the-the truth
is, Elaine, uh, you...

You're more Liza Minnelli than Tina
Turner. And I don't know if this con...

What?

I'll practice someplace else.

There is nothing
wrong with Liza Minnelli.

What do you want?

Look, I'm sorry.

I had no reason
to criticize you.

I'm sorry. And I apologize for
picking on your teenager friend.

Does it bother
you, me and Sandy?

[Scoffs] No. I am so sure.

A little.

Don't get me wrong. I
am... I am so over you, but...

[Sighs] Yeah.

Every time you're
with somebody else, I...

I feel a pinch.

Do you?

A little.

Well, um, Elaine's
practicing, so I'd better.

She-She is gonna
be really hard to beat.

Don't you find this
contest a little silly?

Mmm. [Chuckles]

I've become a big fan of silly.

I remember a few years
ago you lost a bet to Renee,

and you had to get up on
stage at the bar and tell a joke.

You were mortified, terrified.

And now, you're gonna get up
there and try to shake like Tina Turner.

A few years ago, I
didn't have the need.

Now I put on these suits every
day, go to work with my briefcase,

living my little life as
a working professional.

Now it... it'd be nice to...

I don't know. To...
Escape your life?

Isn't that what you're
doing with Sandy?

Why are you looking
at me that way?

Every once in a
while, I... I get a hit.

I look at you sometimes,
and it hits me that...

Duck.

Yeah.

[Sighs]

I clap my hands and I
clean. I like to clean-clean!

And I repeat words, as you
can see, usually three times.

It's a disorder, but it
doesn't affect my job-job-job!

And when Mr. Schofield, uh, fired you,
did he give you a reason-reason-reason...

Reason-Reason! Sorry. When somebody
else repeats a word, it makes me do it.

Uh, my fault. What did
Mr. Schofield tell you?

He said I was disruptive. He said I
made the clients nervous-nervous-nervous!

Because when I clap-clap-clap-clap,
sometimes I repeat four times...

when in conjunction
with the clap,

and I can't say the
word-word-word without doing it.

He said my applauding
made them nervous.

But it never affected the
job... [Gulps] job... job.

Sometimes I also alternate.

I'm sorry. Could you repeat
your answer? Just kidding.

Mr. Potts... How you doin', Judge?
Uh, Mr. Potts, did the clapping...

Yes. Did the applause
or the repeating words...

or the cleaning, did it ever
affect how you do your job?

No. I draw pictures. I design.

My design work was never
a subject of criticism. Never.

What do you mean,
you're not gonna do it?

It's just as it gets closer,
it feels... Ally, Tina Turner.

You've been wanting to meet... Well,
maybe somebody will twist an ankle...

and I'll get to sue her,
meet her in a deposition.

That's a more appropriate
forum than... Ally...

I am an attorney, Elaine. I
should act like one. Billy, tell her.

- You should dance.
- There. Convince her.

It's silly. It...

It reflects badly on the firm.

And you wanna do it.

A very wise woman
told me last year,

"Better to regret the things you
do than the things you don't do."

What's in there?

I wanna dance. Then dance.

How long we gotta wait like
this? He said they'd be right in.

You look very nice. Thank you.

I-I can't believe they're talking
settlement before I testify.

Oh, well, maybe they're
saving you for cleanup.

You know, you don't need
to be so sarcastic, Matthew,

especially after your
"menacing" testimony.

Stop it, you two. All right.

All right. They've upped
the offer to 75 apiece.

- Seventy-five?
- Look. Can I be honest?

No. Lie to us, you little bug.

- Bug, bug, bug.
- Uh, Matthew, that wasn't
necessary, was it?

I think you should
tell him you're sorry.

What?

[Sighs]

- I'm sorry, John.
- No, it's...

- Uh, the things is, Paul's testimony...
- [Clapping]

Yes. Uh, you came off as a
whack-a-do. And a nice one, but...

Richard. 75 is something.

We spent years there.
We devoted our lives.

And we're supposed to walk
away for 75 because we're...

- What'd you call us?
- Whack-a-dos. Nice ones.

Mr. Cage, it's not
like we have families...

or even well-rounded lives.

Our lives were our jobs.

And our families, well,
the people we worked with.

Well... No, I understand.

If you want us to
continue the fight...

- Mmm.
- I believe we do.

[Knocking] Onward.

Let's go.

Look, John, um,

I'm sorry for calling
you a little bug.

No, it's... it's all right, Matthew.
I know you're frustrated.

It's... It's just that
ever since the parade...

What... What parade?

Fourth of July, the parade.

Lots of businesses sponsored floats
and stuff. The employees marched along.

Schofield Design was in it.

But Mindy, Paul, Benny and
me, we weren't allowed to march.

It kinda hurt.

And the other employees?

They all marched.

But Mr. Schofield didn't
want the public seeing us.

Look. If you think
we should settle,

I could probably talk the
others into going along.

No. You don't need
to settle, Matthew.

Let's get back into court.

We started out, and it
was all about the work.

Logos, designs,
computer graphics.

What happened then, Mindy? Well,
the company started getting successful,

and Mr. Schofield brought in new
clients, and the company was growing.

And three months ago, he called
us in and said it wasn't working out.

What wasn't working out?
Us. Uh, we weren't working out.

Did he say why? He said we weren't
commensurate with Schofield Design's image.

It had nothing to
do with our craft.

It was because the clients
thought we were weirdos.

No, objection to the term
"weirdos," Judge. Move for cause.

- Your own witness said it.
- Who said it doesn't matter.

The fact that it's said at all, that
it's tolerated... That's why we're here.

Because it's okay to laugh at the
oddballs, isn't it? Okay to fire them.

- Mr. Fish.
- Did Mr. Schofield ever give you
any warning this was coming?

None. And it's not right.

We helped build that company.

Because of us, clients started
coming through the door.

Then we got fired because
he didn't want us to be seen.

It's just not right.

Mr. Winter, wasn't one
of your job functions

to build and expand
the client base?

Yes.

Had you done that,
sir? I would have.

- You hadn't done it yet?
- No.

And in fact, once the company
moved into the larger offices...

and increased its overhead, Mr. Schofield
made it clear that it was necessary...

for the designers to cultivate
new business, didn't he?

Yes.

And the four of you
were unable to do that.

- Isn't that right, Mr. Winter?
- That part of the job
was new to us.

And you weren't able to
do it. In time, we would have.

In time, you would have.

[Chattering]

Aren't you supposed to be
in costume? Don't have to.

Well, I figured everybody
else would dress up, so...

Okay, here's how this goes.

You all got numbers.

You hear your number,
you get your ass up

here, you got 20 seconds
to show us somethin'.

Ms. Turner's sitting over
there. She'll pick the winner.

Do not approach Ms. Turner.
You do that, you get disqualified.

Do not go near the lady.

[Mouthing Words]

This is an assault
against all of us, really.

Massachusetts is an ugly
state. All of New England.

Hello? Ever been to a Patriots
game? The girls get huge in winter.

Richard! Uh, the
jury might hear this.

I don't want them to hear it.

Boston terrier... named after the
people who live here. Bowwow city.

We can't just sit back and let the
funny-looking people get trampled on.

That's great, Richard.
That's just splendid.

Public opinion counts! Yes.
Now it will be against us.

I was great! You were absurd.

John. What... What's eating you?

Is this case hitting a little
too close to home? Meaning?

Well, let's face it.

You have a special place in your heart
for oddballs on account of you being one.

Richard, please don't talk. Can
you do that? Can you not talk?

I can try. Whoops.
Seems I can't. Kidding.

Bygones. Let's not
be late for the show.

♪♪ ["Proud Mary"] [Cheering]

- [Man] Go, girl! Dance!
- [Emcee] Number 10.

This could get brutal.

Elaine, what number
are you? Twenty-six.

Ally? Uh... Uh, 27.

- I'm bored.
- Try to cope, Ling.

- [Snarls]
- Number 11.

[Shouting]

[Shrieks]

Ling. It was an accident.

[Whistling]

[Cheering]

[Emcee] Number 26.

[Cheering]

[Whistling]

I'll bet she's an
amazing rattle.

[Emcee] Number 27.

[Cheering]

Go get 'em, Ally!

Whoo! Whoo! Oh, yeah! Yeah!

Break your leg.

[Man] Take it off!
[Man #2] Oh, baby!

[Man #1] Take it off! Come on!

Oh, yeah.

Here it comes.

[Cheering]

[Woman] Shake that booty, baby!

[Men Whooping]

[Whooping Continues]

[Whistling, Applause]

♪♪ [Ends]

[Chattering]

All right. We have the decision.

Joining the backup
vocalists tomorrow night,

the winner of the competition,

Number 27, Ally McBeal.

- [Audience Cheering]
- [John] Yeah!

Whoo! You did it! Oh, my God.

[Laughing] Oh, my God.

Do you believe this?
Where did they come from?

Out of the woodwork. They saw me
on the news. They're here in support.

Are you sure they're for us? They
are. They've been well-wishing me.

Check out over
there. Cousin Itt.

[Man] All rise.

Mmm.

Elaine, you were fantastic.
But you were better.

Look, I, uh... I just...
I'm okay with it, Ally.

Clearly, you're not.

You know, they could've
picked any number of women.

But they picked you.

Like always, it was you.

Are you more disappointed
that you didn't win or that I did?

Both. I admit it.

Look, Ally, I need to believe that
I'm better at some things than you.

Dancing was one of
them. Oh, Elaine, you're...

You're just...
You're... You're not.

That was a joke.

I'll be cheering for
you tonight. I promise.

Excuse me.

Something you wanted, Ling?

No. Just to say congratulations.

I like them all. They
were good workers.

But the company changed. How so?

Well, we used to be a
little mom-and-pop shop.

All the work went on
behind closed doors.

And then with the new
office, it was one big room.

All the design work
was done in the open.

We'd bring clients in. They'd see it all
in progress, and they'd meet our artists.

Well, these people,
they'd alienate clients.

How did they alienate clients?

Well, Paul was clapping his
hands all day, and Mindy's obese.

And some people, unfortunately,
associate that with laziness.

Uh, Benny's face scares
children, and Matthew's in a dress.

I had clients looking around thinking
that it was some kind of halfway home.

I can show you, statistically,

that once I brought these people out in
the open, well, I started losing business.

But do you think it's fair just to fire
them? No. I never said it was fair.

But I have to be allowed to
make my company competitive.

I shouldn't be forced
to be handicapped.

And it is my company.

Don't I get rights?
It's my company.

So just fire them. Never
mind years of company service.

They look like oddballs.
Just fire the bastards.

Objection.

Withdrawn. Don't you consider it a
prejudice to judge somebody on looks?

- I wasn't doing it. The clients were.
- How do you not foster...

- that bigotry when you respond
to it in this way?
- Hey!

Who cares? Ever think
eccentricity could be a selling point?

It goes with distinction,
individualism...

Oh, is that what I'm
supposed to say?

Look at the distinctive defensive
tackle wearing the dress?

That's a fetish, Mr. Schofield.
A transvestite fetish.

That is a mental disorder, as is
Mr. Potts's compulsive clapping.

Do you have any idea how hard it
is to survive in today's marketplace?

- Well, so just
broom the freaks.
- Objection.

Clients make quick
decisions, Mr. Cage.

They choose companies that
instill them with confidence.

And those four people, wonderful
as they are, they couldn't do it.

And as president of my
company, I have a responsibility.

Did any of their design
work ever fall below...

It isn't always about
product. It's about selling.

That's business, Mr. Cage.
Selling, selling, selling!

- Selling, selling, selling!
- Oh, God.

- And they couldn't do it.
- Because they're oddballs!

You said that, not me.

Called me ugly? You chewed him
out. Matthew, he is the defendant.

You didn't have to get nasty
like that. I had to cross-examine...

Rabid little bulldog.
I had... Excuse me?

- You were a little
vicious, John.
- That's the man we're suing.

- Sue, sue, sue!
- Oh, pipe down, Paul!

All right! Now, come on.
Group hug. Let's make...

Oh, balls. Group hug?

Don't you people dare
tell me how to try this case!

That man is the defendant.
If I don't get him, we don't win!

Could you all, uh... Could
you excuse us just one minute?

Did he say balls?
I think he did.

Balls, balls, balls!

What was that, John? I'm just
trying to win a damn case. That's all.

Yes, you are. Yes, you are.
When it comes to trying cases...

there's nobody more unflappable
than you in the courtroom.

Hey, hey. I was
under control in there.

You yelled at Paul to pipe down.
He's got O.C.D. John, you yelled at him.

He's probably out there clapping
now, repeating himself to the fat one.

Yeah, well, it's a shame I don't
have your sensitivity, Richard.

What's wrong? Really?

It's this case, you know?
I told you, I was fraught.

I am still fraught.
The case has me...

Fraught. Yeah. Should I close?

No.

I was just hoping I could
actually get to meet Ms. Turner.

You just sing the lyrics,
sweetheart. The girls will help you.

Well, I know. But I thought
that if I could just say hello first.

I-I just feel that she and I
have so much in common.

If you do get to speak,
darlin', don't be tellin' her that.

Well, what about rehearsal?
You rehearsed with the girls.

Well, I know. But I'm
singing backup for her.

Honey... I won the contest!
I should get to meet her.

Okay, let's get this
show rollin' everybody.

Hi. Hi-Hi, Ms. Turner.

Hi, I'm... I'm Ally McBeal.

It is such an honor to... Sweet.

Mmm...

To-to meet you.

How was it? Mmm.

Hey. Exciting.

Listen. [Clears Throat] I'm sorry.
I only know you as Number 26.

Elaine Vassal. Yeah.
Tell somebody who cares.

Look, between me and you, the lady,
Ms. Turner, she don't like to get shown up.

You know what I'm sayin'?

Actually, no. You were
the best dancer last night.

But too good. Lady
don't like to get shown up.

That's between you
and me. You clear?

Yes, ma'am. [Clears Throat]

♪♪ [Tina Vocalizing]

[Man] Ladies and
gentlemen, Tina Turner!

[Cheering]

♪ Once in a lifetime you find ♪

♪ Someone to show you the way ♪

♪ Someone to make
your decisions ♪

♪ And I let you lead me astray ♪

♪ Who did you think
you were foolin' ♪

♪ Said you were
missing me blind ♪

♪ But the truth is I knew ♪

Sixty years old. What do
you think? "Wattle-ectomy"?

Shh. Uh, where's Ally?

♪ When the heartache is over ♪

- ♪ I know I won't
be missing you ♪
- Whoo!

♪ Missing you ♪ ♪ Won't
look over my shoulder ♪

♪ 'Cause I know that I
can live without you ♪

♪ Oh, live without you ♪

♪ Oh, I can live without you ♪

♪ Sometimes I
look back in anger ♪

♪ Thinking about all the pain ♪

♪ But I know that I'm
stronger without you ♪

♪ And that I'll never
need you again ♪

♪ When the heartache is over ♪

♪ I know I won't
be missing you ♪

♪ No, no ♪
♪ Missing you ♪

♪ Won't look over my shoulder ♪

♪ 'Cause I know that I
can live without you ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey,
hey Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I can live without you ♪

♪ Oh, I can live without you ♪

♪ I can live without you ♪

♪ Oh, I can live without you ♪

♪ I can live without you ♪

♪ I can live without you ♪♪

[Elevator Bell
Dings] Ally, great.

Yeah, yeah. Ally,
you were so good!

Fine. I don't wanna talk about
it. Did you meet her? How...

I said I don't wanna talk
about it, and you talk about it.

What part of "I don't wanna talk
about it" do you not understand?

Ally, it's about you... your
favorite subject. What's the matter?

What? Now I have an
obligation to talk to you too?

You are the last person
I wanna talk to. Trust me.

- [Scoffs]
- One night and she's a diva.

When I was a boy, I
had a group of buddies,

and we would do
everything together.

When we were nine, we even did
that, uh, blood brother thing. Remember?

Where you'd cut your arm a little,
kinda rub it on each other, you know?

Kids don't do it
today, I suspect.

Well, I mean, who knows
what you can catch?

But, um, when we were 12...

and tree houses
gave way to movies,

and by the time we
were 14, it was girls.

And at 14, it became
important to be cool.

Well, I-I wasn't. I had
kind of a funny little face,

and my mother dressed me in
cardigan sweaters, and I stuttered.

And, well, I wasn't cool at all.

And my friends just
kind of drifted away.

They didn't turn
on me. They just...

Well, I mean, they got invited
to the parties, and I didn't.

They were popular
with the girls. I wasn't.

And one day, they were
just... They were gone.

Now, I didn't let
anybody see me cry,

but, uh, I-I did cry.

Yeah, it's... It's
tough being a kid.

Kids can be cruel.

How wonderful it was
to become an adult...

To foray into a world where
people don't discriminate on looks.

Adults don't pick on
the disenfranchised.

Grown-ups judge
each other on character.

And when you get a job, you're
appraised on the quality of your work.

Adults are tolerant. And all
the bullying and the ridicule,

the nonsense that a child might have to put
up with simply for being funny looking...

Thank God that goes
away when you grow up.

You enter the
land of opportunity.

Why, I feel indebted to
Mr. Schofield. Because of him,

these four people
have come into my life.

Matthew Valt, Mindy Platt,
Benjamin Winters, Paul Potts.

Like Mr. Schofield testified
to, wonderful people.

Like Mr. Schofield testified to,
excellent graphic design artists.

Now, kids picked on 'em all their
lives, I bet, 'cause children will do that.

But how lucky 'cause they
now live in the world of adults...

A world where bigotry
simply doesn't exist.

A world where people... all
people... have the right to work.

Where people, if
they do their jobs well,

don't get fired.

It is the land of opportunity.

Which means that every
kid can dream of growing up...

and maybe one day starting
his or her own company.

Hire the people you think
will best serve that company.

Fire the ones you think don't.

The graphics design
business is about presentation.

Yes, it used to be solely about
presenting the finished product.

And then, whatever
was hip or trendy or cool,

if you will, that's what sold.

It still does. But today,

clients don't just
look at portfolios.

They visit studios. They want
to see who's doing the designing.

They want to be impressed that
the designers themselves are cool.

Objection. Your
Honor, this is boring.

- Mr. Fish.
- Ah.

These four people were
unable to cultivate new business.

It's as simple as that.

Was it the dress, the
weight, the face, the clapping?

We don't know.

All we know is that they
weren't satisfactorily expanding...

the client base at
Schofield Design.

If they were, do we really think
Mr. Schofield would have fired them?

Do we really?

[Ally Grunting]

What? Can I help?

No.

Ally? Huh? [Sniffles]

This is the problem with
having a night like last night,

where you get to pretend
to be somebody else.

It is? Yes.

Next day, you go back to being what
you really are, and it's devastating.

Are you crazy?

Yes!

My hair. What's going on?

Oh, could you just
go away, please? Ally!

I said go away! What are
you gonna do, hit me too?

[Groans]

I saw you last night.

So? I saw 10 of you and...

And then I saw 20 of you, and
then the whole room was you.

[Sighs] It was awful.

The whole room
was me? Uh... Yes.

Why? I don't know.

That's why I'm so upset! That's
why I'm banging down stall doors.

The last thing I want to
be fantasizing about is you!

And talk about regressing.

That was a put-down.

I mean, the lyrics of the
song about-about anger and...

And heartache and...

And your face.

Oh, yeah. I-I
don't know why I...

Are you still angry?

Well, I didn't think so, but...

I don't know. Maybe I am.

Over? Well, why do I
have to do all the analysis?

Why can't you? You have already
done it. What are you angry over?

Maybe because you left me again.

And we broke up as a couple,
which I'm fine with... relieved with.

Actually, when I
think about what...

Well, we rode it out and we settled in
as friends, which was important to me.

And... And now we're
not even friends anymore.

That's not my fault. It is your fault.
You went off and became the new Billy.

Who you rejected. Well, how
couldn't I? You were a massive dope.

Y-Y-Your head.

Your-Your-Your
ridiculous Billy girls.

And-And... And your
male sensitivity classes.

And now you're trying
to mount your secretary.

I mean, how could
I be your friend?

And then,

the way that you
can still see... in me.

And how you knew I
wanted to dance and...

I so want your
friendship back. I so...

I... I... I so miss it.

Then let's get it back.

[Chuckles] How?

We can just start talking again.

[Scoffs] Well, it isn't
that simple, Billy, okay?

It can be if we try.

What's new?

Just this last month, what's
been going on in your life?

Well...

I met this fantastic guy.

He turned out to be a paranoid
schizophrenic and homeless.

Dumped him.

Meet another great guy who...
laughed like a cow. Dumped him.

And then this fabulous
guy... Bisexual.

Dumped him.

And last night, I
sang with Tina Turner.

Well, that's a start.

Maybe we can go
for drinks later and...

And you could tell
me about Sandy.

I could tell you about Sandy.

You like her? I do.

My friendship with
you... it's everything.

I'm sorry I've gone
off the way I have.

Are you back?

I'm back.

Members of the jury,
you've reached your verdict?

- We have, Your Honor.
- What say you?

In the matter of Valt, et
al, versus Schofield Design,

on the charge of
wrongful termination,

we find in favor
of the defendant.

- Mother.
- This concludes your service.

You're dismissed. This
matter is adjourned.

- [Man] That's not fair.
- I'm sorry.

Oh, listen, we're sorry. If we'd settled,
you would've got your contingency.

- Well, I'm not here for
the money, Mr. Winter.
- That would be me.

No, you people fought for yourselves,
and I was proud to fight with you.

Uh, excuse me? People?

You know, sometimes there
is triumph in the battle alone.

There will be a victory
parade immediately following,

starting in front of the courthouse,
and I invite you all to join.

- John?
- What you doin'?

It's time you were in a parade.

- We ain't got no band.
- No, we have no band,
we have no permits.

Uh, well, we'll just have to
supply the music ourselves.

- How do we do that?
- Well, uh...

Paul, give us a beat,
and just keep going.

Okay. I need you
to think, people.

When you hear the music in
your head, wave your arms.

♪♪ [March]

Okay, feel it. You
need to feel it.

♪♪ [Continues]

[No Audible Dialogue]

♪♪ [Continues]

♪♪ [Ends]

[Woman] You stinker!