Ally McBeal (1997–2002): Season 2, Episode 20 - Only the Lonely - full transcript

Previously on Ally McBeal.
What is on your face?

Ice goggles. I invented them.

I've invented an
automatic seat warmer.

- A husband CD.
- I call it the "cool cup."

- It's a what?
- A face bra.

Next to aging and sun exposure, jogging
is one of the leading causes of wrinkles.

This holds the face in place.

Before when I said I could never
fall for you, perhaps I was wrong.

John. No, no. I've
reconsidered my position.

Could we just, uh,
go out on a date?

You're not the only one
with erogenous tricks.



- I know a couple of ways
to drive you crazy.
- Such as?

There's a little spot
in your knee pit.

Tough to find, but I can.

This knee pit thing that
you do... What about it?

Could you teach me the maneuver?

John, the pit maneuver can be
dangerous in the wrong hands.

Just show me, damn it!

Oh, my God. [Nelle]
What's he doing?

John? Little knee pit action.

You should give him another
try, Nelle. Notice the change?

Oh, my God!

At first I was a skeptic. But
then I started to feel more tone.

My face was less mushy.

It's amazing!



About a month after I started wearing
it, men began making advances.

Younger men. And
it's not just for women.

I lead a rigorous life.

And the face bra neutralizes the
negative effects of my daily rigor.

I actually got results within three
months. There was less excess skin.

And you, too, can look
younger in just three months.

Scientific studies show that gravity
alone can cause sagging of the skin,

especially for those
who exercise regularly.

Now, you at home can get this
revolutionary Miracle Face Bra...

and shave years
off your appearance.

And I'm not just the owner,
by the way. I'm a customer.

Call this 800 number to get
yours now. Can you believe it?

No, Elaine. I don't
think any of us can.

I just want you to know.

I don't care how wealthy I get.

I will never leave the firm.

You people are my life.

[Nose Whistles]

♪ I've been down this road ♪

♪ Walkin' the line
that's painted by pride ♪

♪ And I have made
mistakes in my life ♪

♪ That I just can't hide ♪

♪ Oh, I believe I am ready ♪

♪ For what love has
to bring Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I got myself together ♪

♪ Now I'm ready to sing ♪

♪ I've been searching
my soul tonight ♪

♪ I know there's so
much more to life ♪

♪ Now I know I
can shine a light ♪

♪ To find my way back home ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Baby, yeah ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪♪

Okay, first up, Sharpe versus
Volpe Packard. Uh, no settle?

We go to trial. I'm
taking Ling, second chair.

This is the bathing suit case?

Why are all our cases
about sexual harassment,

and why do we always
represent the harassers?

This isn't sexual harassment.

- It isn't.
- Oh, he-he just makes
everybody wear bathing suits.

He doesn't make
anybody do anything.

And why is it no matter what
happens, women always feel harassed?

You know it's you guys who make
yourselves out to be the weaker sex.

And, by the way, men don't go
out and get their breasts done.

Men don't obsess over
the size of their butts.

Men don't try on 10 different
outfits before going out at night.

And men don't care if
their tummies look flat.

You want to condemn the people fixating
on women's bodies? Condemn the women.

That was nice sharing,
uh, Billy. Moving on...

Ling, why don't you
object to this case?

Because I brought
the client in, which will

eventually contribute
to me making partner,

which translates to
power, which once I have,

I can put an end to the rampant
chauvinism that goes on here.

Oh, why don't you
just go chew on it?

- Chew on what?
- I just got the overnights.

800 orders.

Early projections have it
on par with the Veg-o-Matic,

only slightly less
than the spray-on hair.

And they want to interview me
for some cable consumer show.

I'm gonna be rich, rich, rich.

On that note of prosperity,
we're done. Billy, Ling, good luck.

Chew on what?

Richard, I need a moment.

Go ahead. Take
it. I mean, with you.

[Barry White] You know,
everybody's talking about...

What's up? About
how different I am.

You can sense the
change in me, can't you?

What change? Oh,
there's been a change.

There has? Yeah,
since I turned 35.

Ah. Big change?

Well, I've become
a little bolder.

A little more predisposed
to gather the rosebuds.

Ah. I'm not sure I follow,

but I can't wait to see
where you're headed with this.

Well, in my heart, I feel
a reconnection with Nelle.

A little voice has repeatedly
told me, "Go to her,"

and I've both ignored
it and denied it.

But I'm not gonna ignore that little
voice any longer. I'm going to go to her.

Excellent. Mm-hmm.

Unfortunately, if
there's a little voice

speaking to her, it
isn't singing my praises.

'Cause I don't even think
she's noticed the change.

And it has made
me a little uptight.

Mmm, bugger. My question is,

do you think that little
knee pit thing, should I try it?

[Inhales] John,

that's not something that
you want to fool around with.

But if you did use it, well,

she'd certainly notice the change
then, wouldn't she, hmm? Huh.

[Elevator Dings]

[Woman] Yes, may
I help you? Elaine.

- Hello, Elaine.
- Aunt Gladys. My God!

Hello. Hi. Wow.

Yes, yes, you can save
your wows. This is for you.

What's this? You're
a legal secretary.

- I would think you'd
recognize a summons.
- I'm sorry?

Oh, yes, that's right. Play dumb. I
was like a second mother to you...

and this is the thanks I
get? What's the problem?

- Are you her lawyer?
- Well, does she need one?

- I'm afraid she does.
- My daughter invented
the face bra four years ago.

She died in an automobile accident
two years ago. Elaine stole the idea.

What? You thought I
didn't know about it?

- I didn't steal it.
- You've been found out,
Elaine.

I don't...

No. Don't-Don't say anything,
Elaine. Let me see this.

What you should be is arrested
and put in jail. This is a lie.

No, no, no. Quiet.

Now I am going to read this complaint,
and then the lawyers will be talking.

- This is all a big...
- Uh, uh, uh. Elaine.

Shh.

I felt the policy offensive, demeaning
and amounting to harassment.

Beach day? I mean, we're a
software company, for God's sake.

And he wants us to
wear bathing suits.

- I think they'd argue
it wasn't a mandate.
- No, it wasn't.

But when 70% to 80% are
doing it, for those of us who don't...

I felt a little ostracized.

And I'm sorry, but I
should not have to look at

half-naked men and women
as I go about my work.

- Well, this was one day
a month, correct?
- Yes.

So, playing devil's advocate for a moment,
why not just, uh, take that day off?

Call in sick. And why
should I have to do that?

Look, whether I stay home or I don't
play along with the bathing suit theme,

either way I probably
draw attention to the fact...

that I'm not too
thrilled with my body,

and it's unfair that
I have to do that.

You were never required to
wear a bathing suit, were you?

No. Thank you, ma'am.

And when you say 70% of
the office did wear bathing suits,

actually many of the
women just wore tops.

They had pants or skirts
on, isn't that right? Yes.

- Do you feel harassed simply
by others dressing this way?
- Yes.

Because when they all do, it draws
attention to why I don't, and that's...

But the men wore
bathing suits too, right?

Which is also horrendous.

I do not need to see their big
beer bellies hanging over their belts.

But just so we're clear, this bathing suit
thing, it was for men and women alike?

It was for men and
women, Mr. Thomas.

But that does not make it alike.

How is it different?
Because it is.

It's a lie. [Ally] All right.

It's a lie. Yes, Elaine. You've
been saying that for-for an hour.

Now, listen, I have agreed with your
aunt's lawyer to expedite the depositions.

I think it's the best
way to flush it out.

And your aunt has
agreed to go first. Fine.

Fine. Let's do it.

- What?
- Uh...

I-Is there anything we
should know going in?

Like what?

Like, did you rip
off your cousin?

Elaine, we're here
for you. You know that.

We just need to
know. Thief or not?

- It was my idea.
- We had to ask.

I told Martha about the idea.

Were-Were you and Martha close?

I thought so.

Let's do a quick patent
search. Go from there.

Um, what about my
interview on cable?

You might want
to put that on hold.

♪♪ [Funk Intro]

John, hi! Hi. How's it going?

Fine. You?

Fine. Fine.

So you don't like that
bathing suit case, huh?

Did you want something? No. No.

[Barry White] ♪ I know how to
love you I know how to do it to you ♪

[Pen Clatters On Floor] Oh.

♪ I know how to make you
feel like you want to feel ♪

♪ And I can't lose
with what I use ♪

- ♪♪ [Record Skipping]
- [Screams]

- What the hell was that?
- I apologize.

Were you trying to get me off
with that stupid knee pit thing?

♪♪ [Record Playing Slowly]

♪♪ [Stopping]

She kicked you?
She didn't kick me.

I caught a heel in
the eye as she fell.

What is this knee pit thing?
You don't want to know.

Why wouldn't I? What, does
everybody think that I don't like sex?

I mean, just because I never
have it, I-I do remember it.

And I have a vague
memory of what sex is like.

And as I can recall,
I liked it, okay?

Eight seconds.

- Excuse me?
- I came in to talk
about my problem,

you managed to make it all
about you in just eight seconds.

Your record is six.

Okay.

About you.

Do women like
to be taken or not?

I read these articles, some of
them even written by feminists,

that say deep, deep down,
women like to be dominated,

at least a little, and
that a woman only wants

to be with a man who's
capable of taking her.

Is that true? No.

Well, Richard says that
when it comes to relationships,

I should only listen to my southern
compass and nothing more.

I wouldn't rely on Richard for
advice when it comes to relationships.

It's bad enough that
you're relying on me.

Are you okay? I miss him.

Billy? Greg.

I-I-I blew it, John.

I-I-I had a great
guy. A doctor even.

Well, is he... [Squish]

Is he seeing somebody else? No.
He's just limited the field to not me.

Well, here I am talking about
taking a second run at Nelle.

Maybe you need to consider
the same thing with Greg.

Nah, I don't know.
Ally, you're almost 30.

Statistically,
struck by lightning.

Now it's time you
have to make it happen.

When I was a kid, we used to
have Bermuda day at school,

where everyone would wear
shorts... It would lift everybody's spirit.

Is that why you started
bathing suit day? In part.

Everybody's so
serious all the time.

- Where's the law
work can't be fun?
- So you'd do this once a month?

If people like work, they're
usually more productive.

And so you thought by putting
them in bathing suits once in a while...

It would make them more
energized and more efficient.

And you didn't consider that someone
like Vicky Sharpe might be made to feel...

uncomfortable in this
sexually charged...

This wasn't something
done to her. It, uh... What?

You don't make room for the possibility
that she might be embarrassed...

to see people in bathing suits
parading around the office?

I don't think she should be
embarrassed. No, I don't. Ah.

- What's going on?
- Oh, I don't think this should
disturb anyone, Your Honor.

- Excuse me.
- So, tell me, Mr. Volpe,
what about the idea...

that this undermines
the workplace?

- What are you doing, counsel?
- Uh, Mr. Volpe, aren't you
asking us to believe...

that women employees shouldn't
object to others wearing bathing suits?

I'm saying, who
does it really hurt?

Members of the jury.

She was speaking to
us about it, how excited

she was about how
it neutralized gravity.

In fact, the day before she died, she
was talking about doing an infomercial.

- [Ally] An infomercial
on the face bra?
- Yes.

Mrs. Claven, did-did Martha ever
give you specific reason to believe...

that she had invented this?

Yes.

- What was it?
- She told me she invented it.

- That's a lie. I told her everything...
- Elaine.

What was, uh, your
relationship with Martha?

We had our estrangements
like every mother and daughter.

Isn't it true that she could
never really get your approval?

- Is that what Elaine said?
- It's true, Gladys.

- Elaine.
- That's why she told you
she invented it.

- She did invent it!
- All right.

Enough!

Did your daughter ever offer
anything in-in the way of evidence...

that she invented this product?

Here is the patent application
dated March 2, 1996,

and here are the
very sketches she did.

Did you steal it? No. And...

They have seven witnesses.
People she told about it.

All that means is that Martha lied
to them just like she did her mother.

I got the patent.

Uh, Martha was not
a very truthful person.

She embellished
things worse than I did.

If they can prove you stole
the idea... I didn't steal it.

All right.

Why aren't you believing me?

Do you, uh... Do-Do you
have any documentation or...

Or anything else that goes
back more than three years ago?

[Sighs] I don't know.

Um, the only person I really
talked about it with was Martha.

I was afraid of somebody
stealing the idea.

Maybe we should
make an offer. No!

It's your word against a dead
woman with seven witnesses.

I'm... I'm not settling.

I'm not letting them
take this away from me.

I'm not settling. And this is not
about me having a pathetic life, either.

This is my invention.

Well, we-we have another
one of your cousins to depose.

Let's-Let's see how that goes,

and-and then we'll, uh...
We'll, uh... we'll go from there.

[Door Opens]

- Ohh!
- [Splash]

Damn it! Oh, sorry.

This is unbelievable.

Last night was the
greatest night of my life.

And today I go
headfirst into a toilet.

I knocked her into a fresh bowl.

Ah. You've been causing
all sorts of excitement.

Nelle, listen, I apologize for
assaulting the back of your knee. I was...

Trying to pave the road ahead, the
road you have no intention of taking.

Let's just go out.

End of the day, we'll grab
something to eat, and just go,

like we read about
those people with lives do.

All right. But not to the bar.

If we go out together,
we're going someplace else.

That-That-That...
Da-da-da-da... That's fine.

Okay. Where?

I'll pick a place.

I'll go out, John, but we
need to leave the building.

[Inhales] Hmm.

I felt that I should
wear a bathing suit.

Why? Well, I had just started
working at the company.

I-I'm told by my boss that this
is something that's done here.

I, of course, don't want
to seem like I'm rejecting...

I suppose I felt pressure.

- Do you still?
- No.

- Why is that?
- Well, since I've
been there longer,

I guess I feel less
need to conform.

You've also had some opportunity
to get to know my client more?

- Yes.
- Does he strike you
as someone...

who would pressure an
employee to put on a swimsuit?

- No.
- And knowing the other
employees now,

do they give a hard time to those
who choose not to put on a swimsuit?

No.

So the pressure you perceived, it
was really just that. You perceived it.

But when you see everyone else,
it's... I'm not blaming you, Ms. Tyler,

but perhaps we shouldn't
blame Mr. Volpe, either.

- Well, it is his company.
- Yes, it is.

And when he testified that he did
this primarily for office fun and spirit,

do you have any
reason to doubt him?

[Sighs] No.

Thank you, ma'am.

[Ally] Maybe we
are the weaker sex.

I mean, isn't that what
these laws are saying? No.

They're saying men
shouldn't harass us.

Well, why do we need the laws?
Why can't we just stick up for ourselves?

Using the law is
sticking up for yourself.

Well, what I don't get is that
society tells us to be weak.

Society tells us that we have
to be the demurring gender.

And if we're ever the sexual predators,
well, that is just unseemly, isn't it?

Well, it isn't fair.
We have to sit back

and wait to be asked
out, wait to be called.

Ooh.

Sorry.

This must be about Greg again.

If-If guys don't take
no for an answer,

if guys are persistent, well,
we think that's romantic.

We make movies about them.

But-But if it's a woman,
they cast Glenn Close.

How many times have
you called him? Who?

Greg. A few.

Eleven.

Here's the problem, Renee.

And it's as every bit as
much yours as it is mine.

There are no good men.

Now-Now I-I read this
article and, on average,

there are two per state.

Good men? Yes.

And I had one of them.
And I let him get away.

[Sighs]

Did Martha ever talk to you
about the face bra? Many times.

In fact, the day before the
accident, she was talking about it.

Did she ever mention her cousin Elaine
while she was talking to you about it?

Yes. Do you recall what
she said specifically?

Well, she, uh...

She was afraid that Elaine
would try and steal the idea.

She said that? Yes.

Well, did-did, you, um,
respond to her concerns?

- I-I think I did.
- What did you say?

Well, you know, I don't... I
don't remember exactly, but...

But what?

Well, Elaine... [Sighs]

Oh, this is hard for me to say with
her in the room because I do love her.

I... I think we
need you to say it.

Well...

Oh, she was always desperate
to be, like, noticed, you know?

In high school, none of us ever wanted
to bring our boyfriends around her,

'cause we were afraid she'd
try and, you know, steal them,

- and, uh...
- [Ally] What else?

Well, she...

- We didn't really trust her.
- Casey.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh, please don't
get me wrong. We love you. We do.

But this is really wrong
what you're doing to Gladys.

She said yes? Excellent.

The problem is, she
wants to leave the building.

So? So, I'm a
little agoraphobic.

Going out's one thing. Going
somewhere new is another.

Maybe she'll take
you to Poughkeepsie.

John, you got a date
with a beautiful woman.

Can you just drop all your weird
little eccentricities and go with it?

[Nose Whistles] Be thankful. I
mean, look at her, look at you.

Can't you just say to yourself, "Hey,
I've set new records in overachieving."

People are going to see
the two of you together,

assume she must be
paid for, but she isn't.

You did it, John. You got a beautiful
woman to go out with you for free.

Enjoy the milestone.
It's a life moment.

Hmm? Off you go now.

I was hoping you and Ling could
come along as a double date.

Don't ask me why.
You bring me comfort.

We have to convince
her to settle, Ally.

I don't believe she
stole that idea, do you?

If she goes on
that cable show...

Look, Elaine may be a lot of things,
but she is not a liar. She wouldn't steal.

Even if you're right, even
if the dead cousin is a liar,

- we have no evidence.
- [Sighs]

- Elaine, how are you doing?
- Fine.

Uh, your deposition is
scheduled for tomorrow.

Okay.

- Ohh!
- Oh, um...

Look. Look, our case...

Obviously it's that your
cousin Martha was lying,

but do you know of any reason
why she would have done so?

She must have been more
desperate than even me.

- Hey, hey.
- The thing that gets me
the most is, I was...

Everybody else... Nobody
was even kind to her.

Now that she's dead, they're
all running around like...

Three years ago, I had to
throw her a birthday party myself.

And could I convince her own
mother or any of them to go?

Not even... What?

Excuse me. Elaine, what?

We all think we've made
such wonderful progress...

where women aren't
physically objectified anymore.

Vicky Sharpe certainly thought
so. She got a college degree.

Got a great job at a
growing software company.

Hired for her creativity,
recruited for her mind.

Now, throw on a
bathing suit, will you?

And, yes, I know,
she didn't have to.

But then, she's conspicuous
for not being a sport.

She's a prude, or worse yet,

she's got a lousy body
she's probably got to cover up.

For God's sake!

Why should she have to
endure even a second of this?

And their argument
that the men did it too?

[Chuckles] Now, I suppose they
could have a wet T-shirt contest...

and justify that by having
the men compete as well.

This is a male boss.

A guy's guy, I guess, who wanted
to have a bathing suit day at work...

to lift a few spirits.

Vicky Sharpe should
never be put in the position...

where she has to
say to her employer,

"I decline to wear a
bathing suit today."

Now we've made such
wonderful progress, haven't we?

This wasn't the equivalent
of a wet T-shirt contest.

This wasn't something
designed to titillate.

Even the plaintiff
admitted that.

All he was trying to do
was generate a little fun.

Yes, a little office spirit.

You know, companies used to
have Friday afternoon happy hours,

but that's been eliminated
by the Dram Shop Acts.

And now, he's being sued
for a beach party theme.

Women weren't being singled
out. The men wore bathing suits too,

or chose not to, just like the
women were free to choose.

One Friday a month, he
brings in fake palm trees,

sun lights, sand, serves
nonalcoholic piña coladas,

and he's getting sued for it.

Because Ms. Sharpe, who was
never pressured to participate,

nevertheless felt objectified.

She says these
things made her feel

self-conscious about
not having a perfect body,

as if women have
a priority on vanity,

as if men can't feel self-conscious
about how they look in a bathing suit.

Even by their own admissions,
the motive wasn't chauvinistic.

It wasn't sexist.

It was to heighten office
morale. Even they admit that.

But here they are suing anyway.

Aren't we all just taking
things a little too seriously here?

I was making a video to put it into a
montage as part of her Christmas present.

This-This is her birthday party?

The one that I threw for her
because nobody else would.

The one that nobody
would even come to.

The camera is on a tripod.

♪ Happy, happy birthday, baby ♪

You did a number.

♪ Although I can't call... ♪♪
Never mind.

Okay, here. This is the part.

Make a wish. Make a wish.

Excellent. I made a
wish too. What was it?

That my face bra becomes a big
hit, that I become rich and famous...

and men start lining
up to sleep with me.

What is this face bra
you keep talking about?

My face bra is
the best invent...

That was the day
I told her about it.

- Oh, why didn't you pull
out this tape yesterday?
- Because I forgot I had it.

And when I started talking about
her birthday, I suddenly remembered.

You still think
we should settle?

This can be used
as evidence, right?

Oh, yeah. And-And no,
you should not be settling.

Hey, I never said
you were lying.

But you believed it, right
down to your brown roots.

♪ Yeah, yeah Time's gettin'
hard But I just don't care ♪

♪ I got a Glock in my pants
but my nine-milli spare ♪

♪ I ain't never gave a damn ♪
You'll love this place.

They just pass out microphones?

♪ You little HMO maggots
Your lives is through ♪

That's the band,
John. ♪♪ [Continues]

If I close my eyes, they
sound like a headache.

♪ Don't you freak 'cause I
gotta be makin' some noise ♪

♪ We be hatin' the way we
live but we got no choice, uhh ♪

♪ Got my eyes
everywhere Colors ♪

♪ Don't want you to be gettin'
on my peoples ♪ Hey, man.

That your daughter?
She's fly. ♪♪ [Continues]

This place troubles
me. Let's just dance.

H-H-Hold on! What's up?

Uh, excuse me. Here's a hundred
dollar bill for the sunglasses.

Thank you. Thank you.

Off you go. Take
off your coat, John.

And put these on. Why?

So you don't look like
Nelle's father. Just do it.

Aren't they great?
Are they on parole?

- Come on.
- We're out of our element
here, Richard.

Just do what I do. We
need to think survival.

♪♪ [Continues]

♪ Sippin' on some alcohol That's
how we do it in the Valley hood ♪

♪ From L.A. to the Bay We
stay bangin' out your pimphood ♪

♪ I know you heard of us
It's the murderous pack ♪

♪ Comin' down around
the downtown just like that ♪

♪ What's in our bags
that we all packed ♪

♪ Count up your change
and pay attention ♪

♪ Before you find your brains on
your lap ♪ ♪ Now dance to this track ♪

♪ Like you high off contact ♪

What are they doing?
We'll be asked to leave!

I think they're dancing.

♪♪ [Continues]

♪ If you messin' with
the pack it's all-out war ♪

♪ We don't have no laws ♪
♪ We don't take no orders ♪

♪♪ [Continues, Indistinct]

♪ If you messin' with
the pack it's all-out war ♪

- ♪ We don't have no laws ♪
- ♪ We don't take no orders ♪

♪♪ [Indistinct]

♪ Let me hear you say
Make money, money, money ♪

♪ Make money, money,
money Make money, money ♪

♪ Make money, money,
money Money, money ♪

♪ Take money, money,
money Take money, money ♪

♪ Take money money, money, ha ♪♪

[Rapper #1] Ninety-nine.
[Rapper #2] What?

Ohh! I may have
pulled something.

Well, you were moving in
different directions, John.

Seriously, Nelle, why
did you bring me there?

Oh, I just didn't
want to go to the bar.

Fine. But why that place? It
was some sort of test, wasn't it?

Maybe it was.

You were just trying to see if
I could handle it. Did I pass?

Yeah, you did.

[Ally] And-And-And
then they kissed.

It-It was so... sweet.

Were you following them? No.

No, I-I was walking
home, again, alone.

Another late night at
the office, and I saw them.

So why does it
bother you? It doesn't.

I'm happy for them.
Yeah. I can tell.

It-It's just... It...

"Couplehood" is good, Renee.

And maybe we should
stop waiting for the right

guy and... and go out
with the wrong ones.

I mean, it probably
beats loneliness.

There's nothing lonelier
than being with the wrong guy.

Listen, why don't you just
pretend you're dating Greg?

Because the thing about doctors
is you never see 'em anyway.

So you can just
think of yourself...

Forget it.

We've got ice cream.
Who needs a guy?

You know what? John did it with
attitude. He had a change. You saw it.

I felt it too. Right
behind my knee.

I-It's all about
attitude, Renee.

And I am gonna
have my change too.

♪ Big girls don't cry ♪

♪ Big girls don't cry ♪

♪ Big girls ♪

♪ Don't cry ♪

♪ They don't cry ♪

♪ Big girls ♪

♪ Don't cry ♪
♪ Who said they don't cry ♪

♪ My girl ♪

♪ Said good-bye ♪

♪ My, oh, my ♪♪

John, you in here? I am.

Oh, uh, when you get a second.

Actually, I'm coming out now.
If you'll stand back, please.

Wow! That was your
best ever! Thank you.

Listen, tonight, you have plans?

Tonight? Uh, no.

I thought maybe I'd cook.
Can I make you dinner?

Sure.

[Barry White] We got it
together, didn't we? Great. 8:00?

Sounds good. [Nose Whistles]

We've definitely got our
thing together, don't we, baby?

- Excellent. I made a wish too.
- What was it?

That my face bra
becomes a big hit,

that I become rich and famous and
men start lining up to sleep with me.

What is this face bra
you keep talking about?

My face bra is
the best invention.

- It holds up gravity...
- Oh, that was the fourth time.

Do you want to see it a fifth?

I don't know what to say. The...

She told me it was
her idea. She did.

Well, I guess I should
meet privately with my client.

Elaine, I'm sorry. I am so
ashamed now for what I...

She told me that...
Elaine, I am so sorry.

We can talk later.
Come on, Gladys.

My own daughter, she lied to me?

[Door Opens] I guess
this is victory, huh?

We should all go celebrate. Elaine, you
were victimized by the lie of one person.

Which the rest of the world
was only too willing to believe.

I didn't. I know you
didn't, and thank you.

Look, you just learned the first
negative thing about success.

People come out of the woodwork.

This was family, Ally... And
people here, Georgia included.

I'm sorry, Elaine. I didn't
conclude you were lying.

But I wondered, yeah.

I'm sorry for that.

Um, I've got to go get
ready for my cable interview.

Are they coming back or not?

The bailiff thought they
would. That was the indication.

I can't stand it.
I can't stand it.

Come on. Walk
with me for coffee.

[Elevator Dings]

I could tell from your closing that
you really believed what you said.

I'm sure you're a nice man,
but you really don't get it.

You're represented by counsel.
We shouldn't even be discussing this.

All the evidence is
in. It doesn't matter.

Just because men and
women both wore bathing suits...

does not make his
policy gender neutral.

Men aren't judged by their
bodies. Women still are.

Whether we're objectified or not, we
are still evaluated by our physicality.

And men aren't? Not
in the same way, no.

And if you don't
know that, then...

You just don't get it.

- [Richard] Tonight?
- Mmm. Just dinner.

John, when a woman invites
you to her place to cook for you,

that's the big meal
ticket... Bring your snorkel.

- It doesn't mean that. It's just...
- Ally. Great.

- Richard, this is private.
- Exactly. Ally, this doesn't
leave the room.

When a woman invites
a man over to her place

for dinner, what do
you think that means?

- She wants to sleep with him.
- Thank you.

- Why?
- Nelle invited me over. Satisfied?

Really? [Chuckles]

John, how-how do
you feel about this?

Well, it doesn't trouble me.

Well, because last
time there was...

Well, it wasn't right last time.
Now I-I like this woman. I really do.

[Camera Shutter Clicking]

Why are you looking
at me like that?

I-I was just taking
a mental picture...

of the look men
get in their eyes...

when they discover
they like someone.

It-It's nice. Mmm.

- Don't you wish you
had somebody to love?
- Don't you?

I do. I just get it
in such odd ways.

Ally, when you call Greg, what
kind of a message do you leave?

Just that it's me... calling.

Mmm. Why not just tell
him how much you miss him?

Better yet, uh, tell him in person.
What's the worst that could happen?

- You'd be right where
you are now.
- Thank you, Richard.

One for all and
all for one here.

Mr. Foreman, has the
jury reached its verdict?

We have. What say you?

"In the matter of Sharpe
versus Volpe Packard Enterprise,

on the count of sexual harassment,
we find in favor of the defendant."

Wow. Wow is
right. I was worried.

Thank you. Both
of you. [Gavel Raps]

We never lose. That's
why we charge a lot.

[Man] Judging by early sales...

We're very excited.

Of course, it's still very early, but
there does seem to be a market.

People want to save their faces.

Now you're not an entrepreneur,
at least by vocation. No.

I'm a legal assistant.

Well, what are they saying around
the office, given your sudden success?

Oh, well, they're
happy for me, of course.

I have a great core of people
who are cheering for me.

And family? Yeah, family too.

Well, best of... It's
really worked out great.

Well, best of luck
to you. Thank you.

[Knocking]

Hey. Oh, hey.

I'm sorry I'm late. I
stopped to get some wine.

Oh, I was beginning to
think you wouldn't show.

I was nervous you
suddenly got afraid.

Afraid of what?

Well, most men think if a woman
invites a man to her place for dinner,

she just wants
to sleep with him.

Come on, take your coat off.

John?

So that's... that's
not the case here?

Did you want it to be the case?

Maybe I did.

Well, at a minimum, you're
gonna have to eat first.

I've been slaving over
this damn stove. Okay.

[Vonda] ♪ You
don't remember me ♪

♪ But I remember you ♪

♪ Was not so long ago ♪

♪ You broke my heart in two ♪

♪ Tears on my pillow ♪

♪ Pain in my heart ♪

♪ Caused by you ♪

♪ If we could start anew ♪

♪ I wouldn't hesitate ♪

♪ I'd gladly take you back ♪

♪ And tempt the hand of fate ♪

♪ Tears on my pillow ♪

♪ Pain in my heart ♪

♪ Caused by you ♪

♪ Love is not a gadget ♪

♪ Love is not a toy ♪

♪ When you find
the one you love ♪

♪ She'll fill your
heart with joy ♪

♪ If we could start anew ♪

♪ I wouldn't hesitate ♪

♪ I'd gladly take you back ♪

♪ And tempt the hand of fate ♪

♪ Tears on my pillow ♪

♪ Pain in my heart ♪

♪ Caused by you ♪♪

[Woman] You stinker!