Ally McBeal (1997–2002): Season 2, Episode 14 - Pyramids on the Nile - full transcript

This firm is becoming known for
its work in sexual harassment law.

Are you prepared for the attention
that may come with this case?

It'd be inappropriate
to comment on any case.

Move in tighter?

But as for the laws
on sexual harassment: stupid.

If you' re a juror on this case,
here's your chance to say so.

Don't give in to stupidity.
Rule for our client.

Send a message that these--

You can't have contact with the jury.
Did you forget?

As if I care. There's a lot
of money at stake here.

When the stakes are high enough,
I'll always speak my conscience.



-We better get going, Nelle.
-John, are you ready?

-I am.
-What will you be arguing?

-We have no comment. Let's go.
-Mr. Cage?

How about another comment?

-Myra's meeting us. Are you set?
-Set. We should win this.

Greg, what are you--?

I decided to stretch Valentine's
into two days.

Oh, these are so beautiful. I....

-Two-day Valentines.
-Yes. Precious.

I'll be right with you.

-What's with the news crew?
-John and Nelle have a very big case.

-These are so gorgeous.
-Yeah, well, so are you.

-I could really get used to this.
-Why don't you then?

Pyramids on the Nile



-You would be an asset.
-Then what?

I'm just not looking
to take on another body.

But if I were, it would be yours.

-I'd welcome--
-Richard?

I enjoyed being a lawyer
last week again.

And I get along with the people here.
It seems organic.

Organic. You and the people here....

-Yes, I see that.
-lt'd mean money for the firm.

And it sure would be nice
not to have to invent reasons...

...every day just to come by
and see you.

It'd be nice if...

...I felt like sucking on your finger,
and you were just an office away.

Ling!

It'd be great if...

...instead of having to close
my eyes to see you...

...I could just keep them open.

I don't think any of us imagined
this much heat for what...

...I'm sure we can agree,
is a ridiculous matter.

This isn't funny to our clients.
They lost their jobs.

-We're offering 1 25 apiece.
-Not enough.

The lawyer has
an absolute obligation...

...to take an offer to a client.

I know their wishes,
but thanks for looking out for them.

Ms. Porter, how many attorneys
do you see in this room?

Cobb Company has hired an army.

-They' re willing to spend anything.
-Fine.

T ell them to spend 2 million
and we settle.

-Could I share a thought?
-Please.

Two lawyers,
reporters asking questions.

Your profile's high.
Settle out, the luster lives.

Get embarrassed, your stock plunges.

Mr. Jamison,
allow me to share a thought...

...in that same spirit of giving.

-Certainly.
-We lose...

...one could say we were outmanned.

Fortune 500 company, seven lawyers...

...arguing politically
correct merits.

The odds are in your favor.
A loss wouldn't be a blemish to me.

But if you lose, well, imagine.

And here's an inside tip,
which I share only because I care.

You will lose.
Ms. Porter and I will beat you.

Look at my face because
when the jury reads that verdict...

... I will be looking at all of yours.

Well, I guess we have a fight.

The will is valid.

" Life estate to Myra Jacobs so long
as she doesn't remarry. " She did.

That's against policy.

The intent of the testator
was not to prevent her--

The law favors freedom to marry,
family--

I must say I agree with Mr. Cerrano.

Restrictions against remarriage
aren't invalid.

Is there evidence that the decedent
wanted to punish your client?

-No.
-Then where's your case?

Your Honor, l--

The restriction is de facto punitive.

I see no motive.
The trust stands, valid as written.

I was in marketing,
Callie in the office.

-You met on the job?
-We did.

-You began to date?
-That's right.

For how long?

Three months, when Mr. Forsely
called us into his office.

-Mr. Forsely is--?
-That man over there.

He's one of the vice presidents.

And he called you to his office?

He'd heard that we were
seeing each other.

He confronted us. We admitted it.
Upon which, he discharged us.

Cobb Company has a policy regarding
interoffice dating.

Which is ludicrous.

Could you give us your understanding
of this "ludicrous" policy?

It's called "date and tell. "

You're supposed to disclose
a relationship.

-It's that simple?
-lt gets more absurd.

Once you disclose it, you're required
to sign a "love contract. "

Do you understand the purpose of it?

T o insulate the company...

...against any possible sexual
harassment claims.

So you knew and understood
the dating policy...

-...at Cobb Company?
-Yes.

But you and Callie
chose not to disclose your dates.

-The reason--
-I didn't ask for a reason.

When you chose not to reveal
your relationship...

...did you know you were violating
office sexual harassment policy?

-Yes.
-Thank you, sir.

Why not just tell
and sign this love contract?

I found it demeaning. It's a violation
of individual privacy.

Did you conceal your relationship?

No. We didn't flaunt it,
but we never tried to hide it.

-Describe your feelings for Ms. Horn.
-I love her.

-That must've broken all the rules.
-Objection.

You can't go around having people
loving one another.

I'm sorry if I seem inappropriate
with my condemnation.

Sometimes I get overwhelmed
by common sense.

-Objection!
-Counsel.

The other six lawyers did not object.

-Objection!
-I stand corrected.

There's no way he can
just rule like that.

It was like summary judgment
before discovery.

You got a second?
Your office is fine.

Good Valentine's dinner last night?

-I'm sorry?
-You were unprepared.

You walked into court today
assuming an easy victory.

You were very unprofessional.

As second chair, that performance
was a reflection on me.

-Don't you ever let that happen again!
-Hold on.

I don't work for you.
And nobody talks to me like that.

-Somebody should!
-My research was current.

That judge's ruling was a product
of his hemorrhoids.

Don't speak to me like that again!

What will you do, complain?
Gee, that's a novel course of action!

What's going on?

Difference of opinion.

Billy, come on.

Glad you're all here. Good news.
Ling's decided to come aboard.

You're hiring her?

-Yes.
-How can you hire her to work here?

She licked my finger. I'm human.

Asset. Firm. Bygones.

You try to run a big company
these days.

-You seem frustrated.
-We are frustrated.

Sexual harassment used to be
quid pro quo.

Then it became " hostile
work environment. "

Now single incidents
can cause lawsuits.

Since the employer is liable...

...we have to set rules to prevent
atmospheres fostering incidents.

Okay. How does "date and tell "
policy work?

It allows us to be proactive.

I' m not gonna kid anybody.
We worry about getting sued.

The law is perverse,
our policy a by-product.

Does the law preclude
employees hugging each other?

-No.
-But your policy does.

We don't know if the hugs are welcome.

Does it preclude talking
about sexual activity?

-When it's harassment.
-Does your policy wait for that?

No, as a prophylactic
we cut off all sex talk.

The line is so easily crossed,
an absolute ban makes sense.

Reading the Kenneth Starr report?

-That's an easy one.
-But that was news.

T alking about Clinton and Monica
means running afoul of your policy?

It's silly, but conversation
about national news...

...can amount to harassment
under the laws.

If it means being silly to safeguard
against liability, you'll be silly?

-John, can we steal a minute?
-One second.

-He didn't clear it with you?
-I defer to him on hiring.

This woman practiced
law for three months.

This is a woman he wants
to have sex with.

How can she work in this firm?

At least Nelle is a good lawyer,
despite her hair.

Ling did make Law Review.
She's not stupid. What do you want?

-T ell Richard no.
-I won't tell him no.

-Stand up, assert yourself.
-l' m standing up now.

She's of counsel. She only
gets paid on cases she brings in.

-Do you--?
-Let me finish.

She'll supervise the infrastructure
handling her corporate ventures.

It'll be good for all of us.

-But mostly you.
-Here's a flash, Billy. It's my firm.

-Settle?
-We' re losing.

They've put the law on trial,
and it's been effective.

But they fired us for dating.

But they've established the law
as the villain.

-We' re the victims!
-I worked six years there.

I saved enough money to buy a house,
which I've since lost.

I hear the giggles
about this silly little trial.

-It's not funny to me.
-I know.

Six years I gave them, they prioritize
some ridiculous policy.

We'll fight this fight.
But we don't feel continent.

Confident.

Pooh. Poppy. Poppy field.

Look, I am sorry I lost my temper.
It is nothing personal.

Good, that's just the way I want it.

-T ake your hand off me now.
-We need to talk.

You are not my boss!

Wanna be under Ling?
That's what's about to happen.

She'll become our biggest client,
our boss.

She's already got Richard
and John and Nelle!

It's you, me, and....

-Georgia.
-Georgia.

The balance of power is changing.
We need to talk.

I'm sorry if you're taking flak.

I do believe it's good for the firm.

I'd do anything to introduce
my penis to you.

If the others are mean to you,
I'll deal with it.

Richard, have you ever
had a hair tickle?

-Beg your pardon?
-I give great hair.

I don't know what you mean,
though I'm aroused.

That blond thing never
caressed you with her hair?

It could be a memory I've sealed away.

Maybe tomorrow
I'll give you a treat.

Is there any particular
problem with now?

-I need a candle.
-I've got one.

Funny boy. T omorrow.

We got two partners
in the palms of Ling and Nelle.

Come on. I'll be the first
to admit I prejudged Nelle.

I'm not saying there's
some conspiracy.

But Ling's business squeezes out
old business.

If she becomes in charge,
she'll trump Richard and John.

-What do we do?
-We'll lose everything--

I think you're overreacting.

Billy, what's wrong?

Oh, God, you're not gonna tell me
you're dying or something.

I can't.

Billy, what's going on?

Remember how we said whatever
we become, we can't be anything...

-...but truthful with each other?
-Yeah.

When I see you with Greg....

When I see you....

I love Georgia...

...and I've been able to do
a damn good job of denying...

...the truth.

That I'll...

...never love anybody like I loved...

...and still love you.

When I saw you two kissing
this morning...

...my insides just screamed.

I can't keep it from myself anymore.

I can't keep it to myself.

I think you should have.

-I'm gonna go.
-Ally--

No, that was a little
too much truth, Billy.

-What was he suggesting?
-I don't know.

-Did you ask him?
-Renee, my whole body clinched.

I just had to get out of there.

You tell each other you're in love.
You have your little Hallmark moment--

This wasn't that.

It was more.

-Well, how do you feel?
-Besides numb?

-Yeah, besides numb?
-I'd like to kill him.

I've been alone a long time,
quality loneliness.

And now, when I finally
find somebody, he....

-lt was a selfish thing to do.
-You're thinking. How do you feel?

Even if I knew my feelings,
the last thing I'd do is trust them.

Let's start with Greg.
Quick. How do you feel about Greg?

-Love him.
-What about Billy?

Love him.

Mr. Cage! Mr. Cage!

-Sorry we're late. The press is--
-Notoriety can be a curse sometimes.

For 75 apiece, we can all be done.

-No response.
-What were you expecting? Laughter?

You think you've won?

Not only have we made our case,
I think you've made our case.

My granddad said,
"l dare not presume to assert...

-...for fear I may be in error. "
-Perhaps he should have first-chaired.

After the verdict,
let's be sure to make eye contact.

Let's go.

We don't have a chance
unless you close big.

-There must be some way--
-Nelle, John, how's the case?

Skip it.
John, talk to you?

Do you know what it means
to "get hair"?

-I'm sorry?
-Ling does this hair tickle thing.

It's not why I hired her,
but do you know what it is?

-Bugger. Think Billy would know?
-I'm preparing an important closing.

Bugger.

Hey.

Georgia. Hi, how's it going?

Billy told me about your little talk.

He did?

-What did he say?
-That we need to form an alliance...

...given Ling coming to the firm.

Yeah, I think that's something
that we should consider.

-What's wrong?
-I don't know.

It's all upsetting....

-Well, some things don't change.
-Ally?

-Greg! What a nice surprise.
-Surprise? Aren't we on for lunch?

Yeah. Is it lunchtime already?

Don't ask me.

-Are you okay?
-Yeah. It's just some office politics.

I missed you last night.

That was the first night in three
weeks that we didn't see each other.

Yeah, it was a tough night.

-You're really okay?
-Yeah, I'm fine.

-Are you all right?
-Fine. Never been better. You?

-Maybe we should just--
-Talk? No, thanks.

I don't think talk
is always the best thing.

No! Please.

Are you two still mad at each other?

Come on, Billy.
Leave her alone.

-First draft?
-I'll be ready.

Look, maybe I can get them back
up to a hundred.

I know it's a long shot, but....

-What?
-You're a beautiful woman, Nelle.

It goes without saying, but the law
shouldn't require it to go unsaid.

Why don't you put that
in your closing?

An extraordinarily beautiful woman.

Tomorrow.

T omorrow has always been
my favorite day of the week.

But there has never been
a tomorrow so scary.

I' m falling in love with Greg.

He's the greatest guy I could....

But when Billy looks at me....

I feel like we' re playing this game,
pretending not to be what we are.

-Which is?
-Meant for each other.

I know, sappy, sappy, puke, sappy.

But that there's one person
for every person.

I can't shake....
What if it's true?

Do you think Billy wants
to get back with you?

I don't know. And I'm terrified that
the answer might be yes.

And I'm more terrified
the answer is no.

You said something to me about Matt
that keeps ringing in my head.

"We all want love to come along.

Yet we apply all these restrictions
as to how it should come along. "

If Billy's the guy, Billy's the guy.

-I couldn't do it to Georgia.
-You'd be doing Georgia a favor.

Not that she'd see it that way.

If they had kids it'd be different.
I'd jump on your head.

But the mistake you two have made,
it can still be corrected.

-T ry laughing. Your face won't move.
-I don't laugh weekdays.

-Okay, frowning.
-What's going on?

Ling's gonna produce my infomercial.
She's adding me to her product line.

Well, great.

I'm sorry.
I had no right to drop...

...what I dropped on you.

This happens when you see me happy
with other guys. It always passes.

When Richard hired Ling, I immediately
sat down and planned my leaving.

That's when it hit me like a bomb:

The idea of not seeing you every day.

I then thought, I'll get help,
go for therapy or something.

What am I trying to cure myself of?
The best thing I've ever known?

Billy, you' re married.

And l' m with somebody else right now.

I' m not trying to talk you
into anything.

I just offer all of this
by way of explanation...

...of how I could say
what I said to you.

And do what I have done to Georgia
by saying it.

Georgia. That's a very good word
for us to keep saying over and over.

Georgia.

Plus, you' re with somebody.

Yeah, plus that.

It's silly.

Two adults,
not allowed to date...

...without first signing
a love contract.

See my co-counsel over there?
She and I dated.

Things didn't work out.
We still have to work together.

And yes, it can get awkward.

But imagine, had I not dated her...

... I'd have missed out on that flutter
I felt when I held her hand.

The high I got at the first hint
of flirtation.

The euphoria when I kissed her.
The pang of pain...

...that it wasn't meant to be.
These are life moments that happen.

They happen when people interact.

Three-quarters of every waking hour
is spent at the workplace.

Their policies are trying to legislate
against smiling, hugging...

...complimenting somebody. Banning
the possibility of finding love there.

Have we gone mad? Do you know
how hard it is to find love, period?

You take away the workplace,
that leaves bars, parties, the gym.

These venues where people only reveal
the pi?a colada sides of themselves.

T ake away meeting someone at work,
and they'll tell you it's the law.

But the law doesn't say that.

Despite what these seven men claim.

The law does not say you can't
date people at work.

The law merely requires that people
behave like adults.

Their policies assume you can't.
They're all about avoiding liability.

That's sad. When a policy outlaws
mistletoe and says "Dress down. "

When it says, "Don't say anything
you wouldn't say in a deposition. "

When I dated my co-counsel,
I'd walk over to her sometimes.

I'd pretend I was Barry White.

I'd maybe move my hips a little.

I risked getting rejected, laughed at.
And it was everything!

Of course, there's real harassment
and real victims.

And the guilty should be accountable.
But to ban the flirt...

...and the smile, and the date
and the possibility of finding love?

-Say it with me.
-"Silly. "

-Mr. Cage, I'm not amused.
-Well, I apologize.

But they worked hard and got fired for
keeping their private lives private.

They lost everything.
No, none of us should be amused.

It would be nice if we could trust
adults at the workplace to behave.

And if we could,
we wouldn't have these laws.

Just like if we could trust all people
to drive safely on the road.

Their lives are at stake, you'd think
they would. But they don't.

So we make rules, put up stop signs.
Even when there's not another car...

...when you come to a stop sign,
you have to stop. How silly is that?

But lives are saved by these rules.

The same principles work
with sexual harassment policies.

Since it's difficult to know
where the lines are being crossed...

...we draw bigger and bolder lines,
inside the boundaries of common sense.

No doubt these rules seem crazy.

But when you're a company paying
millions of dollars in judgments...

...suddenly they do make sense.

And if you don't like it,
don't work there. Go somewhere else.

The plaintiffs chose to work
at Cobb...

...with full knowledge of the rules.
They just broke them.

Your Honor, I forgot to mention...

...that if a rule is capricious,
one shouldn't follow it.

-I meant to say that, but forgot.
-Thank you, counsel.

And if one thought a rule
to be capricious...

...his course of action could be not
work there, or try to affect change.

They did neither. They just
violated the policy and got caught.

And now they' re asking you to assume
that adults will behave like adults.

-Georgia.
-Ally.

What? I mean, hi.
Georgia.

-What are you doing?
-I was just listening to Boz Scaggs.

I just love him.

Don't you? Boz Scaggs?
Next to Ray Charles, he's....

Love him.

-The jury has reached its verdict?
-We have.

What say you?

In Cloves and Horn vs. Cobb lnc.,
on a charge of wrongful termination...

-...we find for the plaintiffs.
-Poughkeepsie.

We order the defendant to pay damages
in the amount of $942,000.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,
thank you for your service.

-They won.
-You're kidding!

$942,000. The press is calling,
they want a quote.

Well, just tell them...

...justice is never sweeter
than on one-third contingency.

-It's time, Richard.
-I'll talk later. Something's come up.

That looks dangerous.

Lie back.

-Ling, hot wax....
-One ceremonial drop.

Then nothing but hair.
Lie.

-You wanna meet me at the bar?
-I'm hungry.

-We could go to dinner. Legals?
-I can be there in about 45.

Well, you got a date.
Bye.

Big date, huh?

-I really like him, Billy.
-I guess that's good.

-For both of us.
-Yeah.

I'll walk you out if you promise
to behave yourself on the elevator.

I'll try.

Did you work late,
hoping I might too?

I don't think so.

But on the other hand...

-...I can't deny I'm here.
-But going.

What happened?

You tell me.

I just never figured you could meet
the person of your dreams at age 8.

You stinker!

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