Ally McBeal (1997–2002): Season 2, Episode 10 - Making Spirits Bright - full transcript

It's Christmas time at Cage and Fish, and Elaine is preparing for the office party and John is trying to use the mistletoe to his advantage in trying to make a move on Nelle. Ally is happy to see the whimsical side in Billy again when they defend a man who was fired for seeing a unicorn. Meanwhile, Renee is struggling to follow common sense when she sees her old boyfriend, Matt, again.

John?

Nelle, hello.

I didn't finish the Peabody offer.
Can it wait?

Sure. You're going bowling?

Cute. Client Christmas party.

- I'll get it out in the morning.
- That's fine.

- John.
- Nelle?

Any particular reason
you're sneaking up on me?

- Just the mistletoe....
- You were going to kiss me.

- Yes.
- Well, that's sweet.

Hey, guys. What's up?



I'm under mistletoe.
John was on his way to kiss me.

Great. The party starts at 5
instead of 6 tomorrow.

Who's gonna work then, anyway?

- Sheldon Maxwell just got fired.
- What?

An hour ago. He sounded upset.

- Who's he?
- Bond trader for T amarack Mosely.

- They can't fire him.
- He didn't say why.

Get the deal memo. Nelle, need you.
Wrongful termination.

Biscuit, where's Ally? Call Georgia.
Get her down here.

Making Spirits Bright

I'm supposed to be at Renee's
Christmas party.

- Sheldon Maxwell. Fired.
- Who's that?

The client that allowed Richard and John
to open the firm. They're waiting.

Great. Sheldon, this is Ally--



Was Ally McBeal.

Hi.

Sit, please.

We're discussing the contract,
which Nelle will go over...

...maybe missing her party.

They couldn't terminate without
a parachute. We'll be on this--

Richard, thank you
for this response, but I don't....

I'm not sure you'll be able to....

Why were you fired, Sheldon?

They think I've lost my mind.

Have you?

- Poop.
- Poop?

Sheldon, did they give you a reason?

- Two days ago....
- Everything's privileged. T ell us.

In my office, I saw a unicorn.

- A unicorn?
- I mistakenly told people.

They fired you for
imagining you saw a unicorn?

I did see one.

I saw him the same time last year.
That time he was in my house.

- Big unicorn, medium size?
- Size of a small horse.

- Anybody here up on unicorn law?
- I'll do it, and I'll take Ally.

We'll start now. I'd like to read
the case law on the Pinocchio kid.

What Pinocchio kid?

Your case. Kid was sent home from
school, he thought he was Pinocchio.

That was years ago,
and the kid was John. Bygones.

- You thought you were Pinocchio?
- I was 1 0. Bad reaction to soybeans.

I'm a very honest person.

Sorry.

- Hello.
- Hello.

Is there a problem?

- No, just admiring your outfit.
- Thank you.

- Maybe you could eat a cookie.
- Maybe we could share it.

- Renee, I gotta miss the party.
- What?

Work crisis.
I might meet you there....

Okay.

Renee, hey.

What are you doing?
I said not to call, not to come by--

- I know.
- Why are you here?

- You have a case at 8 at night?
- I'm here because of you.

There's a million reasons
to walk away, I know.

There's one that won't let me.
And you know it too.

- That means nothing--
- Yes, it's complicated.

But pretending that it....

What are you doing?

- John.
- Nelle?

Here to kiss me again?

Well....

Nelle, ready? Hi, Elaine.
We might be late. Hi, John.

I'll get my coat.

- Ally, how are you? Merry Christmas!
- Merry Christmas? What's the catch?

- I can't be in the Christmas spirit?
- Ling.

Richard, sweetie.
Can you come with us?

It'll be so lonely without you.
Billy, Georgia, good to see you!

Okay, let's go.

- He touched me!
- I meant to kiss Nelle.

You all saw it, he sexually assaulted
my breast! It's numb.

Mistletoe. Maybe he was
giving you a Christmas kiss.

Oh! Merry Christmas, John.

T o you and all of yours.

Thank you.

- Maybe if he retracted it.
- T oo many people heard him.

- Our case is, it isn't relevant.
- I don't like that.

I don't wanna lose this one.

His job is everything,
he has no family...

...he counts me as a friend.
What does that tell you?

He's been good to me.
I want him taken care of.

The job's everything.
It's all he has.

That and unicorns.

- There's a head in the bag!
- What?

- What's the matter?
- There 's a human head in the bag.

- What?
- The woman I met last night.

- Why do you have her head?
- I don 't know. Somebody put it there.

Sorry.

- lt just--
- Happened. I know.

These things happen to me sometimes.

It's nothing to be ashamed of.

Studies show that when people get
into bed naked, things can just happen.

What about his wife?

He says it's basically over, but--

- We got Whipper.
- What?

On the case.
She's probably seen unicorns too.

- Where's Ally?
- She'll meet you there.

Elaine, there's a stage.
Why do we need a stage for our party?

- Aren't we doing numbers?
- At the bar.

- But we're having the party here--
- I have a number.

We'll be disappointed if you don't.

We have a pool going as to
whether or not you'll hit a note.

- lt doesn't affect his job.
- lt may.

- So why not wait till then--
- And get sued by investors?

- He's been perfect for nine years--
- He runs accounts for $300,000,000.

- What if he takes tips from this beast?
- lt won't happen.

He has a point. If I lost my money...

...and I found out it was
in the hands of someone delusional--

- And the broker was aware--
- There's no record of incompetence.

Your Honor, when I was 9,
I was president of my third grade.

It's not the same.

Third graders voting crazy isn't
the same as an adult seeing a unicorn.

- That wasn't my point.
- Then what was it?

My point was, I was great.

I was organized, efficient, the best
ever. The principal told me.

That's the point?

No, my point is, I still believed
in Santa Claus. I was the only one.

Other than a trust issue with
my parents, there was no consequence.

It didn't affect
my ability as president.

What a delightful little analogy.

All right. I'll conduct a short
evidentiary hearing, and then rule.

Mr. Maxwell, you go first.
Then Mr. Poile.

Matt. What?

Bet you thought that was it.

Got what I want. Won't call,
because it was just physical.

I don't really love you.
You thought that, right?

- You're afraid to kiss her.
- No, I'm not, I'm just--

- Afraid. If you haven't--
- We've kissed.

What's the problem?

It's always been her move.
I want it to be my move.

- Your move's under "escort services. "
- Could you just leave?

- You asked me in here.
- Not to disparage me.

She's a woman.
Her beauty's intimidating.

The long legs, the incredible hair,
the porcelain face--

- That's it.
- What?

The porcelain.
She reminds you of your toilet.

Perhaps you should leave.

Richard.

- You saw a unicorn in the office.
- Yes.

- And you did what?
- I asked others if they could see it.

- And?
- Nobody could.

- lt was a hallucination.
- I didn't say that.

- lf nobody could see it--
- lt means they couldn't see it.

It's a pretty high-pressure job,
isn't it, Mr. Maxwell?

- Yes, it is.
- Takes concentration and focus.

- lt does.
- Doesn't a unicorn distract you?

I didn't do anything rash
after seeing it, Mr. Nixon.

I'd never rely on a unicorn
for investment tips.

The market changes quickly.
What if the yen drops...

...and you're busy with a horn.

- Don't insult my intelligence.
- It's not intelligence.

I question your mental stability.
You see unicorns.

That's why they're firing me.
Not what I did, only what I saw.

There's no guarantee that
you won't act erratically.

- Where do you get a guarantee?
- Ever suffer from depression?

- ln the past.
- But you did seek medical attention?

- Briefly.
- You told the doctor about unicorns?

Yes. He diagnosed me as lucky.

I think he did okay.

He sounded okay, but in the end,
he's a man who sees things.

- Why did you close the door?
- lt was open.

- You know why I wanted you on this?
- I'm a good lawyer?

- That isn't it.
- Because you're leaving Georgia?

- I remember.
- You remember what?

When we were 7 years old,
you saw one.

- Saw what?
- A unicorn in your living room.

I never....

Right. That was just
probably one of my fantasies.

No. I remember asking, "Pretend? "
You said it was real.

- You still think it was?
- Real?

- How could it?
- Could it have been?

I've learned to know that
that's impossible.

- I should put you on the stand.
- Why?

You could be evidence of a person
who saw a unicorn who's not crazy.

But Whipper thinks I am crazy.

- You really remember?
- What?

The day I saw a unicorn.

I remember everything.

Was it real?

We live apart in the same house.

- Why don't you leave?
- I will. I'm afraid of destroying her.

Matt, I'm not gonna pretend
to be too clear-headed.

If I were, you wouldn't have
been in my bed.

But we're at a bar,
talking like we have a future.

That future won't happen
as long as you live with your wife.

I won't do that to her, or to me.

- All I need is a little time.
- How much time?

I don't mean to sound cruel.
I'm just protecting myself.

She's....

She's four months pregnant.

Renee!

- What's wrong?
- I gotta get back.

- Renee?
- Later.

His wife is pregnant.

Well, for it to be a problem...

...you two are together.

I don't know.

- He's pretty much separated--
- What do you need?

- Advice, support?
- I know your advice.

He knew me before I was tough.

He knew me then, he knew me weak.

You' re weak now.

- And he's the only one who could know.
- I know.

I'm not attracted to you.

I'm afraid you'll get hurt.

Me too.

I wanna help, but when she's hurt,
she puts on armor.

- It's that bad for her to be with him?
- He's married.

- What?
- I still can't figure you out.

You reject the world of absolutes,
yet you live by them.

- Some absolutes I live by.
- And die by.

What's your point?

I don't know.

Our liability exposure
would be sky-high.

If we knew of any mental unfitness
and we ignored it?

It hasn't affected his work.

- Let's be fair.
- Let's be fair to investors.

Shall we wait for dementia
to cause the catastrophe?

Dementia's defined as
belief in unicorns?

- I'd call it a symptom.
- You' re Catholic?

Yes, and dying to know
the relevance of that.

Do you agree with the Bible that
we'll see the Second Coming of Christ?

He didn't see Jesus.

He saw a white horse with a horn
coming from its head.

Suppose instead of the white horse,
he came to you and said he saw Jesus.

Would that change things?
He'd keep his job?

I have problems with that too.

So the New T estament,
Christ's return. Bunk.

Jesus and a unicorn aren't the same.

But if he saw Jesus, he'd lose
his job. That's your testimony.

I don't know.

Did you know that according to legend,
the unicorn is a symbol of Christ?

Counsel, is this where you're going?
Your client saw God?

This man perhaps saw an apparition.
It isn't grounds for termination.

Your client is in some
kind of midlife crisis.

- You diagnosed him?
- I don't have to.

He's seeing mythical creatures.
He's on the verge.

Do I have to wait until he drops over?

Billy's talking to Nixon.
There might be some movement.

Would you accept any kind
of lesser role at the company?

- Lesser role?
- Research?

No.

Well, the only other alternative
would be for you to admit...

...that it was a hallucination.

I know the judge, and I think
she'll rule in your favor, if you--

You need to say that
it probably wasn't real.

I need to believe it was.

- When did you see one?
- Excuse me?

A unicorn.

You've seen one, haven't you?

Did Billy tell you that?

No.

When I was very little.

- How could you--
- I just could.

Those who see them share some
of the unicorn's traits.

- Such as....
- They're lonely, with virtuous hearts.

- I petted him.
- You petted it?

Yeah.

I walked right up to him.

He had silvery white hair...

...and it was soft.

He was magic.

And he let me pet him.

As the legend goes, they can only
be approached by a pure spirit.

Lucky he showed up when I was 7.

Did you touch his horn?

His horn is his power,
it protects against everything...

...and it can lead you to love.

I didn't get close to him.

Maybe you'll have
another chance someday.

Not if I stop believing.

It would warm your heart,
if you had any.

- It's not that we don't appreciate it.
- We just don't believe it.

You could give her a break.

She's just trying to reach out
to the less fortunate.

I think mine's ticking.

Oh, look at those there.
Imagine being inside of those.

Happiness is a pair
of pajamas to you, isn't it?

It's going to bed with anything
that makes you warm.

I just now settle for pajamas.

This is bad. You cheering me up?

Come on, nobody's supposed
to be happy. It's Christmas.

My secretary says he's called
six times in two hours.

If a surgeon's hands shake, they can't
keep him till he kills a patient.

This man's mental acuity,
his decision-making ability...

...is vital to his job.

This company deals with the life
savings of many of its investors.

They' re not entitled to take him
from the game. It's their duty.

A fiduciary duty to their shareholders
who put their trust in T amarack Mosely.

He's being fired not for
anything he did...

... but because of his belief
in something supernatural.

- Because he says he saw it.
- Maybe he did.

- Explain why nobody saw it.
- Why should I have to?

In a week or so, we'll all
wake up to celebrate a virgin birth...

...a supernatural miracle.
Can I explain that?

Christians believe
in the Second Coming.

But don't say it too often.
And if you claim to see Jesus...

...there goes your job.

- No. This is about--
- My client seeing something nobody saw.

And the presumption that
if it can't be seen, it isn't real.

You know what? I think we all have
a problem. I think he hallucinated.

He was depressed.
It was Christmas time.

The unicorn is a lonely, solitary
creature that symbolizes hope.

I would think of all the
hallucinations...

... hope is one of the better ones,
and he isn't hurting anyone.

Who are we to say where
he can look for hope?

Who are we to say
what he's allowed to see?

We all want to be happy.

Different people
get there different ways.

So you could never see a unicorn.

Good for you.
Or maybe not.

I' m sorry, this isn't organic.

You' re doing very good.
John, try it one more time.

I'm sorry, you'll have
to find someone else.

- Billy, how did it go?
- I did my best. She'll rule today.

- Richard.
- She gets one number, I promise.

- Hi.
- Hi. What are you doing?

I'm trying your theme song. You said
it works. I can hear it. This is good.

- You can?
- Yeah. Join in.

Well, sure.

- You see. You feel better?
- I think.

- We should do this every single day.
- I know. It's....

Who am I kidding?

Tell me to stay away.
Hound me with common sense.

- That's what I need you to do.
- Common sense is killing us.

We say all we want is love,
and we keep applying all these rules.

- What are you saying?
- I don't know.

I do have all the answers, but maybe
not all of them are accurate.

What you said about him
knowing you when you were weak.

You don't open up to people,
even me.

Whenever I ask if you're okay,
you say you're fine. Always.

Unless there's visible wreckage,
I can't tell.

- That's just how I am.
- Eventually, that'll get you.

And Matt, if he gets in there...

...you should be with him.

John!

Podiatrist.

- I'm heading out. See you there?
- Maybe. We might show--

- You might not even leave.
- We may go to dinner. Thanks.

Whipper calls. I'll see you.

You really think that Matt and l--

I don't know. Part of me does think
it's a crazy idea.

But who am I to decide crazy?

We live in a time where people
just seem to be more empty.

And despite what I read, it
can't all be about economy.

There are a lot of lonely people out
there who need hope.

Who might need to look
for it in strange places.

Believe it or not,
it's not just around Christmas.

So, I think...

... I'll let them keep their unicorns.

Discharge is unlawful. Plaintiff's
motion for a T.R.O. granted.

You're adjourned.

Thank you. Both of you.

- Next time you see one--
- I'll keep it to myself.

- Good idea.
- Thank you, Billy. And to you.

Thank you, Sheldon.

You're a good spirit.

I admit. I thought that
whimsy in you had gone dead.

- I haven't seen it in a while.
- What whimsy?

Santa Claus, unicorns,
belief in things you can't see.

- I was just arguing a case.
- Right.

I miss you more at Christmas.
Don't say anything back.

It'll hurt either me or Georgia.
Either way, I'll get angry.

It was you who made me believe in
things I couldn't see.

I so miss that.

It's probably--
It can be dangerous.

I get attached to things that
aren't there, and it's--

- Dangerous.
- Yeah.

Remember the Christmas I snuck
into your house and your dad...

...caught me stuffing your stocking?

You do remember everything,
don't you?

Mistletoe.

- Merry Christmas.
- You too.

- Sorry.
- Everything okay?

I had some trouble getting out.
Marcia-- Anyway.

Are you two
basically separated or not?

It's not easy, Renee.
It's gonna take a while.

Okay.

Ready.

I thought we might stay here
instead of going to some party.

Some party, in public.

Does your wife know where you are?

This isn't an easy thing.

I think I'll get off while I can.

It may be a mistake,
but I'm ready to make it.

- Can we sit somewhere and talk?
- Nope.

- lf you could just--
- You don't wanna hurt her.

I get it, I admire it.
But I won't let you destroy me.

No hard feelings.

I promise.

Merry Christmas.

Yeah. Me too.

- What?
- I don't like sweat, even my own.

- I danced too hard tonight.
- Be a brick.

- Great party.
- What about Renee?

She and Matt. Chestnuts, open fire.

- Drive you home?
- No, thanks. I'll walk.

Elaine, as usual....

I gave like a little drummer girl,
didn't l?

Yeah.

- Nice party.
- Very.

You were coming to kiss me.

Thought it would be your move.

It won't be your move.
It'll be my move.

Would that be okay with you?

- We'll be leaving...now!
- Merry Christmas.

You too.

Hey, you!

You have a merry Christmas, okay?

And don't be a stranger.

You stinker!

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