Ally McBeal (1997–2002): Season 2, Episode 1 - The Real World - full transcript

What?

- What?
- What?

Oh. . .oh. I..

I had a dream.

It was vivid.

It felt. . .

. . .like it was more than make-believe.

- Anything in diapers? Bald? Little?
- No.

No. This seemed real.

It wasn't just a dream.

It was more.



Here we go again.

Oh, God. I hope not.

VONDA SINGS:
I've been down this road

The Second Season Episode 1
The Real World

Walking the line
That's painted by pride

And I have made mistakes in my life

That I just can 't hide

Oh, I believe I am ready

For what love has to bring

I got myself together

Now I'm ready to sing

I've been searching my soul tonight

I know there's so much more to life

Now I know I can shine a light



To find my way back home

Oh, baby, yeah

Oh, yeah

Subtitles OCR

- Is that her?
- Yeah.

I find women sexy who break the law
for sex.

Because it makes her
a sexual predator.

Women who are predatory. . . .

I bet she totally directs.

Like to be directed in bed?

Had a thing for Shari Lewis growing up.
That little puppeteer act.

I like puppets.

You wanted to see me?

Both of you. Wrongful termination.
New case.

Lawyer left her
before summary judgment.

- Richard.
- I'd do it myself, if I knew the law.

I'm not saying it's right
for women my age to be with. . . .

Does it matter that I loved him?

Not when he's 16.

- You're saying I have no defense.
- Well. . .

- Did you love him?
- I may have.

- I don't know.
- could you tell me. . .

. . .exactly how you happened to..

[STUTTERS]

Coney Island.
..love him?

The crime is statutory.
If she did it, she did it.

An element of the crime is intent.

We'll say it was an accident?
She went out for fresh air. . .

. . .stretched a little,
and his penis fell in?

Sorry.

A 39-year-old woman
with a 16-year-old boy. . . .

One could suggest,
she'd have to be crazy.

Wouldn't she?

Insanity?

- We did assert it.
- Sexual battery.

- Misdemeanor.
- Not a chance.

Stop walking.
You know I have new shoes.

You think I'll plead guilty
to avoid a blister.

Felony battery. As good as it gets.

You wanted to talk to me?

Let's go find a room.
The defendant's lawyer, Ally McBeal.

- Jason Tresham.
- Hello.

- Ally.
- Huh?

- Nice to meet you.
- She knows I don't want to do this?

- Excuse me?
- Laura. They subpoenaed me.

Oh, she knows.

come on!

I'm on my way down.

We can't settle. We go to trial.

Good luck.

Is everything okay with you?

Me? Fine. Why?

You seem a little lugubrious.

Really? I. . . .

What?

I make a great living. Good friends.
My own firm by the age of 30.

But life!

I want more, John.

More?

Money.

More money.

It's a weakness.
I try to think less about wealth. . .

. . .and instead focus on
what I can buy with it.

Everybody wants more money.

Does everybody. . .?

Sometimes when I look at my stock
portfolio, I get aroused.

Does everybody do that?

The percentage would be less there.

Ever heard of Nelle Porter?

''Subzero'' Nelle?

She's looking to leave Goodman-Dale.

- She's got serious portables.
- Will she meet?

I'm told she's asked about us.

She'd let me use her sailboat.
Once she decided to go with me.

We got to know each other then.
I guess we became friends.

At some point, you became more
than just friends.

- You became lovers?
- Yes.

I know it's embarrassing,
but before Ms. Jewell. . .

- . . .were you a virgin?
- Yes.

How long did the affair
with her last?

About two weeks.

- And how old were you?
- 16.

16.

When you first met Ms. Jewell. . .

. . .you said you were a waiter
where she frequently had lunch.

- That's right.
- Other than taking food orders. . .

. . .or talking about the weather,
maybe even the Red Sox. . .

. . .do you remember the first
more personal conversation with her?

Yes. I asked her why
she always seemed so sad.

- How did she respond?
- She just smiled a little.

Said she was fine.

Did you know she'd split up
with her husband?

Not at the time.

And did you interpret this sadness
as loneliness?

Well. . . .

No. Actually, it seemed
a little worse.

What's worse than being alone?

I mean, how did it seem worse?

I saw lots of lonely people.

Summer restaurant by the cape.
The place'd be full of them.

They always have a look.

What kind of look?

A look that it could change
any second.

Maybe with the next person
who enters the room.

Lonely people. . .

. . .have hope.

She didn't seem to. She was just sad.

- Like she knew too much.
- Knew too much?

What did she know?

That some people find love permanent.

And some are just meant to be alone.

She knew what she was.

Ms. McBeal?

Ms. McBeal?

Oh, um, oh. Nothing further.

Nothing further.

ALLY:
It's like he was talking about me.

With you, everything's about you.
Narcissism is a wonderful thing.

- It is?
- For me.

Nuts like you heat my pool.

But he could be 1 5 as well as 1 8.

And I looked at him up on the stand,
and I had. . .

. . .unpure. . .

- . . .thoughts.
- Unpure thoughts?

Unpure sexual thoughts.

Oh, not philosophical impurities.
Thanks for clearing that up.

Do you think I'm a Menudo groupie
because I like their music?

It's not against nature to. . . .

If it were against nature,
they wouldn't have to pass the laws.

Half of men make love to their wives
thinking about the babysitter.

The guy doing the sitter, thinking
about his wife, has nature problems.

I'm not finding this helpful.

The most in-love time
of your life was around the age of. . .

. . . 1 8, with, what's-his-name?

- Billy.
- Whatever.

This boy could be triggering old
feelings, or how were his glutes?

Did he have amazing glutes?
That can do it.

I shouldn't be looking
at an 1 8-year-old kid.

I don't want to tell you
how to spend your money.

But to think about an 1 8-year-old boy
doesn't require therapy.

Maybe it is Billy.

You found the love of your life
as a teenager.

You've been waiting for another love
like that to come along.

You're now thinking it might not.

You'll never know love again.
That's what's eating you.

Don't blame yourself for thinking
that. You could be 1 00%% right.

Thank you. . .

. . .Tracy.

She sort of has a point.
I mean, 1 8 is legal.

He's a witness in your trial!

Not him specifically,
but in general.

Now, a woman my age, and. . . .

Have you ever fantasized about--?

- A boy?
- Yeah.

Billy.

Maybe a long time ago
before I met Billy, but since him. . . .

- Of course.
- can't imagine being with anyone else.

- In fact, between you and me?
- I promise.

I can't even enjoy
going to the movies anymore.

The love scenes, the leading men. . . .
They don't do a thing for me.

I can only think about Billy.

That's why it was so hard for me
to get over him. He's just so. . . .

Big! Be honest.

Have you ever. . .

. . .been in bed with a man
who could. . .?

Like, like Billy?

Oh, my God, no. He is the best.

The best!

Uh-hm.

[TOILET FLUSHES]

That kind of frank dialogue
troubles me.

ALLY: Who is she?
ELAINE: Nelle Porter.

They call her ''Subzero'' Nelle.

- You know her?
- I know of her.

She was in Boston Magazine.
''Hot Women Lawyers. ''

Richard's looking for a rainmaker.

ALLY:
She looks like she makes sleet.

When she shakes hands,
she won't stick hers out very far.

She wants the other person
to meet her more than halfway.

Excuse me?

All set?

- Are we hiring a new lawyer?
- Here they come.

I'd like you to meet some people.
Ally McBeal, Nelle Porter.

- Hi.
- Hello.

- Hello.
- Hello.

- John cage.
- Heard about you. The Bunion, right?

- Oh, well. . . . Biscuit.
- Oh, Biscuit.

In my mind, Biscuit became Bun,
and Bun, Bunion. Sorry.

- Quite all right.
- I know you're off to trial.

- Nelle wants to join the firm.
- Oh.

We do fabulous cases.
Laura is a statutory rape client.

Slept with a 1 6-year-old.
It's rich, fresh, delicious.

- Let me show you the unisex.
- Great.

The first time, I surprised him
at the boathouse.

We hadn't planned to go sailing.

- You surprised him?
- I walked in.

He had a sweater of mine,
holding it up to his face.

I asked him where he got it.

He told me he'd taken it off
my clothesline one day.

I just looked at him.
He remarkably volunteered...

...a truth that must have been
very difficult to volunteer.

What did he say?

That he'd sometimes take the sweater
to bed with him.

Did he tell you why?

- He didn't have to.
- What happened then?

I walked over to him. . . .

He seemed a little scared,
and exhilarated.

And so was I. Maybe. . .

. . .I was intoxicated at the thought
of being a young man's fantasy.

Maybe I was just lonely.

All I can say for sure. . .

. . .I needed to make love to him
every bit as much. . .

. . .as he wanted to make love to me.

I'm sorry. What happened then?

I. . .I, um, I unbuttoned my shirt. . . .

I reached behind his head, and. . . .

- Uh. . .how much detail is necessary?
- You had relations?

- Yes.
- In the boathouse?

- Yes.
- And you made love again after that?

- Yes.
- It's one thing to say it happened.

But when it happens several times. . . .

It'll sound silly if I try
to describe how beautiful it was.

How tender.

But--

[SQUEALS]

[CLEARS THROAT]

I apologize.

If I make a lateral move, equity. . . .

can't be partner. Too much fallout.
But you'll get there sooner here.

Will your clients come with you?

I can't legally ask them
until after I leave.

- Of course. And?
- They've all said they'll come.

Excellent. Told you of salary,
of benefits, what else?

- What about the firm's ideology?
- Selfishism.

Everyone's looking to get ahead,
they get ahead. I set an example.

The other lawyers?
How would they feel about me joining?

Nelle?

Do you care?

Are they really hiring her?

How could they? She's such the bitch.

- Did you talk to her?
- No. Why?

It's easier to backstab if you've
had at least one conversation.

She's smart and pretty.
What else do you need to know?

Shh! She's coming.

- Georgia?
- Yes?

I'm Nelle Porter.
I'm thinking of working here.

- That's great!
- I've talked to the men.

I was hoping to pick the brain
of one of the women.

- You should speak to Ally McBeal.
- Really?

No offense to you. Because you are
married to one of the men here.

Ally, she'll give you the straight
dirt, know what I mean?

Okay. Thank you.

End of problem. She'll hate Ally.

You make it sound so romantic.

- It was.
- Rational, even.

- Yet you plead insanity?
- My lawyers plead insanity.

Saying the term has a legal
distinction from medical insanity.

- You had sex with a boy.
- Nothing gratuitous--

You had sex with a boy.

Again, we're dealing
with legal definitions.

- 16. He wasn't a boy to you?
- Yes, he was.

You had sex with him anyway.

To be honest, I probably made love
to him in part because he was a boy.

- Objection! Move to strike!
- Overruled.

- Because he was a boy?
- Don't misunderstand.

Physically, sexually, he was a man.

If I close my eyes,
I can still feel his strength.

But as he moved himself,
I also felt. . . .

Inside me, I felt his willingness
to just surrender.

To me. To love.

To the moment.
A young man's moment can last a while.

So you just prefer boys to men?

In some ways, maybe I do.

Emotionally, I think things die in men
as they get older.

They lose the essence of the very thing
a woman most wants.

- Such as?
- Simple intimacy.

He cried sometimes when we made love.
Tears of joy.

How many men are willing or able
to do that?

He made me feel. . .

. . .as if I were flying and falling
all at once.

I was flying.

There are things in him I'm sure
will go dead as he grows older.

Perhaps I was celebrating the boy
inside him.

I was celebrating the boy inside me.

Must be serious.

I think I'm meant for a boy.

But when this kid said on the stand
that. . . .

He said that some people are meant
to be alone, it just. . .

. . .shot to my center.

And then she said. . .

. . .that boys have this accessible side,
that men. . . .

Well, that before their shells
get hard, they. . . .

Tracy thinks it's about me
not being over you.

But that isn't it.
See, the truth is. . . .

If I close my eyes and think of you,
I can't even remember. . . .

I'm glad to hear that.

But whenever I think of you at 1 7,
I. . . .

I still. . . .

Don't get me wrong. You're a great
guy. Maybe the best guy l know.

But part of you. . . .

Part of the you that I fell
in love with is. . .

. . .kind of atrophied over. A little.

- Ally.
- Hm?

We were kids.

You think that kind of love
lasts forever?

Maybe I'm meant for a boy.

And that's why I'm, of course,
meant to be alone.

There's another possibility.

Maybe you're meant for this boy.

What? Oh, Billy. He's 18.

I mean, what, how, ew! come on.

Well, it's been known to happen.

If Jason Tresham had picked up a gun
and shot a few classmates. . .

. . .we'd have no trouble seeing him
as an adult.

But to fall in love.

To achieve an emotional intimacy
with a 39-year-old woman. . . .

He must be a child.

To be able to see
into her loneliness. . .

. . .and offer companionship. . .

. . .that could leave her
more enlightened?

Oh, he must be a child.

To be able to reach out on a lazy
afternoon and sexually gratify her. . .

- . . .over and over and over--
- All right, counsel.

When I was 1 5 years old,
I went to see this movie.

It was called Summer of '42.

About a boy of 1 5 and a thirtyish
woman played by Jennifer O'Neill.

And this boy loved her.
Well, as did we all. Jennifer O'Neill.

- I put a lock on my door that summer.
- Mr. cage.

But for the whole movie,
audiences all over silently groaned.

''Go. Go to her. ''

We all willed her to go to him.
In the end, she did.

She took Hermie to her bed.
And it was. . . .

It was beautiful.

And it was the ending we all wanted. . .

. . .wasn't it?

And we don't need to be ashamed
for wishing that result.

See, the law aside,
nature actually favors it.

A man achieves his sexual prime
as a teenager.

A woman in her 30s.

The district attorney will beat that
drum, the law is the law is the law. . .

. . .that's what district attorneys do.

But when it comes to love. . .

- . . .there really is no law, is there?
- No.

Members of the jury.
This is a closing argument.

I'll ask you not to talk back
to the litigants.

Laura Jewell fell victim to her love.

Yes, she embraced it
beyond the bounds of the law.

But as I went home from that movie
that night. . . .

As I still go home after watching
love stories today. . .

. . .I pray, ''Just once,
let me know that kind of passion.

Let me know a love that deeply. ''

What Laura Jewell did,
caused her to commit an insane act.

But if her feelings were a fraction
of how they were described. . .

. . .a fraction of what I felt. . .

. . .and still do feel for Jennifer. . .

. . .insanity would have been
had she not gone to him.

If this were an adult male and a girl
of 1 6, you wouldn't hesitate.

With men, it's sex.
Women, love.

As a woman, I thank you,
but who's kidding who?

We have sex drives.
The young lifeguards look good.

We want it just like men want it,
but 1 6 is 1 6.

When a man cheats, he's a bum.

A woman. . .

. . .she's just bridging
her little Madison county.

It's not only crap, it's a form of
gender discrimination. And 1 6 is 1 6.

So, now we wait?

- Shouldn't take too long.
- How did it end with you and Jason?

It's over, right?

- You and he?
- It's over.

Oh, I was just wondering.

- Ally, hi.
- Oh. Hi, Nelle.

- Paul.
- It's John.

Right. Listen,
I'm really considering joining up.

But I'd like to talk
to a woman's woman first.

Do you have any at your firm?

I'm kidding.
I'd like to talk to you.

Sure.

- Oh, um. . .sure. I'd be happy to.
- Oh, great.

Maybe we can get a drink
at the end of the day. I'll call.

And maybe we couldn't! She didn't
even wait for me to confirm it.

She just assumes I'd make myself
available.

I'm drawn to her.

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

Hi.

Jason, hi.

- Glad that this is almost over?
- Yeah.

Um. . . .

Why are you staring at me?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I just had a strange dream last night.

You were in it.

Me?

Uh-oh.

Well, what, what--?

Never mind.

It wasn't inappropriate.
It was just strange.

We weren't talking. We were just. . . .

Our hands were like this.

And our fingertips were touching.

That was all.

What do you call that?

- He dreamed the same dream.
- Take a breath.

I didn't rush all the way over here
to breathe.

Do you realize the average person uses
about 1 / 1 0 of their brain power?

With you, it could be less.

- What brain power?
- Telepathy. Powers of suggestion. . .

- . . .which can penetrate--
- It isn't telepathy!

He dreamed the same dream!

I charge by the hour. Opinions don't
come cheaper when they're yours.

All right.

Give me your opinion.

Fingertips only.

Need to touch but recognition
that it's forbidden.

You are both reluctant to give in.

How could he and I possibly work out?
He's young enough to. . . .

If you want some advice, here it is.

It can't last forever, of course not.

But who made up the rule
that the best loves do?

She's good.
This woman reminds me of me.

Where is she now?

Downstairs talking to Ally.
Should we hire her?

Hard to be objective.
I'm drawn to her.

You'd have no chance. Does that help?

You know that song?
Boom-boom-boom-da-boom?

Sorry?

When I look at her, I hear:
Boom-boom-boom-da-boom.

I need love, love, to ease my mind

My concern is that there's been
sexual harassment claims.

I bet they argue you deserve it. . .

. . .wearing those skimpy
little skirts. Pigs.

- I've never sued them, Nelle.
- You like it here.

I do.

But they'd never let
a woman be partner.

Why not?

They don't say it, but between us,
they hire women who want families.

As in children?

She's on maternity before
she's up for partnership.

They figure once women have
children, they prioritize them.

I want children, so this
is a good firm for me.

Ally.

Pardon me. Your verdict is in.

- What? Now?
- John's outside waiting in a cab.

- Excuse me.
- Sure.

- The verdict is in.
- So I gather.

- What does this mean?
- They have weekend plans.

- You've reached a verdict?
- We have.

What say you?

''On the matter of 32664, sex with
a minor, we find the defendant. . .

. . .not guilty by reason
of temporary insanity. ''

Thank you.

- Never underestimate a jury.
- Really.

Thank you for your service.

The defendant is free to go.
We're adjourned.

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

On basic nullification,
Biscuit's good.

- Going home?
- No, I have paperwork.

- See you there.
- Okay.

[BOOM]

Jason.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- congratulations.
- Thanks.

- I'm so relieved. I never wanted--
- I know.

Well, everything turned out.

Look. . . .

[SHRIEKS]

[CLEARS THROAT]

Tickle in my throat.

I know I'm gonna sound like. . . .

This might seem ridiculous, but I feel
you and I have a kind of strange. . .

. . .connection.

You do?

You probably think that I..
Older women and I..

I don't. I just..-

I'm sorry.

I'd walk out of here right now, but I
feel unsteady and I might fall down.

Why?

I came in here to ask you out.

As I said, I feel this kind of. . . .

- I'm sorry. If your answer is no--
- It's yes.

It is?

Evidently.

- Great. Maybe tomorrow night.
- Sure.

Aren't you getting out?

I'm a little unsure
of my feet as well.

could I have your attention,
please? Over here.

Attention.

- What's going on?
- You don't wanna know.

- Why is she there?
- I have splendid news.

I would like to introduce
to you all Nelle Porter.

She'll be joining us
as a new attorney.

He hired her?

She's an outstanding addition. I trust
you'll all make her feel welcome.

Nelle Porter.

Just so we're clear:
we hate her, right?

Thank you. It's a tough decision
to change jobs, but I'm excited.

I'm grateful to Richard and to
Paul for the offer. And also Ally.

My brief chat with her. . . .

I knew coming here, it would be fun.

What did you say?

I know why Richard hired her.
But you! What--?

Because you're drawn to her?

- In part.
- And you expect to get a date?

I have no such illusions.
Trust me. A woman like her?

Then why?

She makes my heart go boom.

Well, won't that torture you if. . .?

John, the last thing you want is to be
in love with someone you can't have.

That is something I know.

What Laura said about men, their
insides going dead as they grow older?

True.

- It is?
- If we're not careful.

We can start to prioritize
career, money, hair plugs.

Anyone who can make you
flex your romantic muscle. . .

. . .remind you of what it's like
to feel, is good company.

Even if your muscle never gets to. . .

. . .compete?

Nelle may be a girl
I can only dream about. . .

. . .but there's something to be
said for the dream itself.

And she's a fine attorney.

The journal caused all the problems.
My parents found it.

- Too graphic?
- No. I just wrote down feelings.

I wanted to read it
20 years later and. . . .

- I don't know.
- Wonder if you'd. . .

. . .have those feelings again?

It's still early.

Want to go for a walk?

The game is about to get out,
and traffic--

- What game?
- The Red Sox.

- The Red Sox are away.
- I saw the lights.

They're just working on the lights.
My uncle's a groundskeeper.

- The groundskeeper of Fenway Park?
- Yeah. Why?

Have you been in Fenway Park?
I mean, actually on the field?

Yes.

- Is it important?
- Are you kidding?

My father and I listened to
every game on the radio.

I'd close my eyes and pretend
I was right out there in the field.

Wanna go?

- When?
- Now.

Now. Now? To Fenway Park?

It's two blocks away.

I'm sorry.

- I forgot this bathroom is public.
- Should I leave?

- What's this?
- Initiation.

Kidding.

I think I'll let you finish.

Listen, I know my
nickname is Subzero. . .

. . .and people find me. . .

. . .well, cold.

Nelle.

This can be a tough group.
But we'll warm up.

Thanks.

- Evening.
- Hi.

SPORTS ANNOUNcER:
There it goes!A long drive into left.

[CROWD CHEERING ]

Home run!

We will have a 7th game
in the 1 97 5 World Series.

Carlton Fisk is the first player in
the series to hit one over the wall...

...into the net.
Red Sox win it 7-6.

I'll never forget that night.
They lost the 7th game, but still.

- Remember when Fisk hit that home run?
- I wasn't born yet.

Oh, right.

This is where I live.

Do you want to come in or. . .?

No, thanks.

I had a really great time.
A really great time.

I'd like to see you again.

Jason, I think I'm going to
have to say no to that.

Even though parts of me want to.....

- can you understand?
- Yeah.

- I already knew.
- You did?

Yeah, you were kind of
having too much fun.

Like it was some kind of reunion
with fun you had before.

I might be too young for you.

- Got you to first base, anyway.
- Yeah, that you did.