Ally McBeal (1997–2002): Season 1, Episode 6 - The Promise - full transcript

- Isn't it beautiful?
- Yeah.

- It's kind of old.
- I think it's perfect.

I can't wait to take lessons again.

- Can you play anything now?
- "Heart and Soul" and "Chopsticks."

Oh!

Wait, wait, wait. Let's see...

Good night, my someone
Good night

That's from The Music Man.
My mom sang that to us all the time.

Sleep tight, my someone
Sleep tight

My lo... Lo... L...

Lo...



- I can never get that note right.
- Tell me about it.

True love can be whispered

From heart to heart

When lovers are parted

They say

But I must depend...

... on a wish and a star

As long as my heart...

... doesn 't know who you are

This is a sad song.

It's about a lady who's got nobody,
so she sings to an imaginary someone.

- It's about a lady who's...
- Just like us.

- I hate pianos.
- Maybe I can sell it.

VONDA SINGS:
I've been down this road



The Promise

Walking the line
That's painted by pride

And I have made mistakes in my life

That I just can 't hide

Oh, I believe I am ready

For what love has to bring

I got myself together

Now I'm ready to sing

I've been searching my soul tonight

I know there's so much more to life

Now I know I can shine a light

To find my way back home

Oh, baby, yeah

Oh, yeah

Get an injunction so
they can't sell ice cream?

How can I attach the real estate?

They don't expect to win,
just that we be aggressive.

Aggressive we'll be. Harry Pippin's
opposing, so be ready when he comes.

- Who's Harry Pippin?
- Fat.

Moves like continental drift.
They move his case to the top.

- What do you mean?
- Because of his condition...

...the judges don't punish
him for being late.

He comes in arguing his case,
so when he enters, you jump in.

- Thank you.
- Pleasure.

[JOHN HUMS]

New client, Sandra Winchell, F.O.W.
I promised we'd help.

- What's F.O. W?
RICHARD: Friend of Whipper.

Arrested for prostitution.
A conviction means jail.

John, you've visited
the subject matter...

The Whip has cracked.
Conjugals could be at stake.

- I'll meet with her.
- Great.

I'd like you to second chair.

That prudism you waft could
benefit us. Teamwork.

- Richard!
- The glitch:

She fired her old lawyer.
Trial's today.

- What?
- New counsel, you'll get a continuance.

- Can't John file for it?
- I don't do criminal motion practice.

- Why not?
RICHARD: You'll be there anyway...

...on the ice cream case...
Whoa. Whoa.

Hi.

- What have you got for me today?
- Hi.

Oh, please.

She almost asked me a question.
I said, "Don't spoil it."

- I want no audio attached to her.
- What year is this?

- This is not a time for words.
- Not a time for words?

Give them law degrees,
dress them up, but in the end?

- Neanderthals!
- Come on, Ally.

You can't blame us
for looking at that.

Can't blame you for looking...?
For acting like...?

Are they playing a prank on me?

That is nature at its best out there.
Richard Kiley should narrate her.

She's stupid, and soon
gravity will get her.

Come on, boys club. Free that hooker.

RENEE: I get vice cases.

I've convicted your client.
Have you met her?

No, but she's Whipper's friend.
So will you agree to the continuance?

Yes, yeah.

I have to wait here till my
ice cream case...

I will cover you.

No likelihood of success
on the merits.

Court has affidavits,
financial statements.

- My client can satisfy any judgment.
- That's Pippin, my ice cream case.

Ally McBeal for the plaintiff!

In 15 years of law
I haven't been so shocked.

- I'm denying the plaintiff's motion.
- Thank you.

Move for costs, attorney's fees
and sanctions...

...abuse of process,
frivolous prosecution, Rule 11.

- It's shocking.
- You lose on that.

- Sorry to hear that, Your Honor.
- But...

The defendant is far
from judgment-proof.

I can't attach property
no matter the merits. We're done.

Ally McBeal,
counsel for the plaintiff.

- Nice to meet you.
- I was hoping...

...we could settle. It's silly,
two ice cream chains fighting.

We want your guy to
not call his store Mike's.

- That's his name.
- I understand...

...but he sold the franchise as Mike's
and calls his new chain Mike's.

What my client feels he paid
for is the trademark name Mike's.

You see, that asset is devalued if...

Are you all right? Mr. Pippin?
Oh, my God, Mr. Pippin!

ALLY:
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

- Somebody call 911!
MAN: I've got a cell phone.

ALLY:
Oh, God.

MAN:
Did he hit his head?

Oh, God. Okay, here we go.

Come on, Mr. Pippin, come on!
Breathe, just breathe!

Okay, okay.

WOMAN: He's breathing!
MAN: Check his pulse.

You saved his life.

Not before he ate a Spanish omelet.
God, the onions!

- Is my skin breaking out?
- Not yet. Are you okay?

- Yeah.
- We'd better go.

Our prostitution case is up
in two minutes. Are you okay?

- Fine.
- Okay.

23222,
Commonwealth vs. Sandra Winchell.

In as much as I've
just been retained...

...I request additional time
to prepare my defense.

- Excuse me?
- I know a stall when I see one.

- The D.A. Doesn't oppose continuance.
- I didn't ask.

That the D.A. Is for it is a
reason for me to be against it.

I just got...

She should've fired her lawyer
before voir dire.

We have a jury.
She had three prior continuances.

- It says "no further continuances."
- Your Honor...

Shush!

Shush?

Say "ready for trial"...

...or I schedule it in
a year and revoke bail.

- You can't do that!
- Ready for trial or no bail.

- In the interest of justice...
- I didn't ask.

Ready or not?

Ready.

Today?

She's had it continued up the wazoo,
and the judge finally had enough.

This troubles me.

Otherwise he'd revoke bail
and have it continued for a year.

We were kind of stuck.

You have any ideas?

Have I bored you?

- Let's proceed.
- With the trial?

Yes.

- Today?
- Yes.

ALLY: Because you're insane?
- Yes.

I'll go gather myself.

- Ms. McBeal?
- Yeah.

I'm Angela Tharp,
Harry Pippin's fianc?e.

Oh! Oh, hey.

- Is he okay?
- He's fine.

It wasn't a heart attack, just angina.

And we're getting married
on Friday and, well...

...the doctor thinks it was nerves.

- That's fantastic. He's okay?
- Yes, thanks to you.

He did lose oxygen, so if
you hadn't have been there...

I just came to tell you
how grateful I am.

- I'm just glad that I could help.
- Oh, you've helped.

He's...

He's the best thing
that ever happened to me.

Well, I think I'm here because
you kind of saved my life too.

That's sweet.

- Can I give you a hug?
- Sure.

[ALLY'S SPINE CRACKS]

- Oh, my God, I've broken you!
- No, I'm fine.

- I feel terrible!
- No, I pop out of alignment easily.

- It's me, it's me.
- Actually, I can fix that.

I'm not a chiropractor,
but I work for one.

I think I'm really okay.

- It's right down here by the L-5.
- I'm really...

...okay.

- Better?
- Yeah, yeah, much.

Thanks.

I'm just gonna sit...

...here for a second.

On the floor?

Yeah, I love the floor.

- Will you come to the wedding?
- Sure.

Great. It's Friday, 6:00.

Great.

See you then.

See you then.

Bye.

ALLY: Somebody's bound to come
in here and help me up.

- Shouldn't you be at the courthouse?
- I don't know how to defend this case.

- Vigorously.
- Thank you, I'm clear now.

- I can't even find John!
- It's a question of burden of...

Proof.

WOMAN:
Thanks.

- Do you have anything?
- Just this.

She can really increase
the blood flow, can't she?

Don't you...

What?

The date cost $ 1000. Anything on
top of the escort would be more.

What do you mean,
"On top of the escort"?

- Sex. Sex was more.
- Did you pay more, Dr. Carpenter?

Yes, we agreed upon $ 700
for missionary intercourse.

And did the two of you...

We began to. Then Special Agent
Mackleroy entered and intervened.

- You were arrested?
- I was.

Dr. Carpenter, your relations with
the defendant, it was sex for a fee?

- That's correct.
- You're clear?

I have the receipt.
I deduct it for stress therapy.

I see. Thank you, sir.

Mr. Cage?

My name is John Cage.
How do you do, sir?

Hi.

I have no questions, Your Honor.

I fell into your open arms

And I didn 't stand a chance

Now listen, honey

GEORGIA: No cross?
- Nothing.

He introduces himself
to the client and sits down!

- Is he a kook?
- I don't know.

He pours water. He unbuttons...

- Never mind.
- What?

It's about the case
and you are the enemy.

You're talking about Cage,
I bet. He's a kook.

Ally.

Harry, what are you doing
out of the hospital?

They released me. Your office
said I could find you here.

- What's the matter?
- Could we talk in private?

Maybe upstairs?

Something is the matter, isn't it?

One of my strengths as a trial lawyer
is I can size people up fast.

I got a feeling about you.

- What are you saying?
- I'm saying that...

...in addition to being beautiful,
I can tell you are compassionate.

And however remote the odds...

...you can't win a raffle
if you don't buy a ticket.

What are you saying?

Do you think a person
such as yourself...

...could ever become interested
in a person such as myself?

Well, absolutely a person like me
could like somebody like you.

Absolutely.

Do you think you could ever
be interested in me?

Well, um... Harry...
Um...

Angela's a friend of mine.

What I mean is I've met her.

What I mean is you're
marrying her Friday.

Yeah, I've come to reconsider that.

Because of me?

- I never had a kiss like that before.
- Oh, Harry, I...

Don't get me wrong. I love Angela.

It's...

It's just...

It's not a romantic love.

We're good friends
with limited options.

She's not in love with you?

Actually, she is.
It's one of the reasons I...

It's nice to have someone who
loves you. It's comfort, but...

No, but what? Comfort is good.

I'm not asking you
to declare yourself, but...

...if you think you might have
the slightest inclination...

...just to go out on a date to see
if there's a scintilla of a chance.

I don't see the possibility.

Okay.

Like I said, you can't win the
raffle if you don't buy a ticket.

I'll be leaving now.

And I'll be out of
the room momentarily.

Okay.

You had to be honest.

- Really?
- What would you do?

Have him cancel his wedding,
take him out to be nice?

- You should have seen him sag.
- Can I ask you something?

Why did you dismiss
the idea of dating him?

Well, he's...

- I just didn't think he was my type.
- You ruled him out instantly on looks.

- That's not true.
- How is it not?

- You don't know him!
- I knew enough.

I knew he was...

...in questionable health.

I get nervous around people
with heart conditions.

Why do you lie to me?
Let's just admit the truth.

You eliminated with an
eye-blink on looks alone!

That is not...
It just isn't that simple.

The thought of the
two of us on a date...

ALLY: You get a vision of how
the date might go.

Then you say yes or no, and I just
couldn 't picture the two of us.

The sad thing is...

...in a movie, we'd both be rooting
for the gal to date the guy.

I used to be a lawyer. I worked
in a downtown firm for six years.

- Which firm, ma'am?
- Cubbings and Gil.

- You left to join the escort business?
- Yes.

And the reason for your career change?

I couldn't meet any interesting men,
at least not single men.

The best ones, the most interesting,
they were all married.

- They were asking me out.
- The married men?

I should say they were asking me in.

And this impelled a change
in your vocation?

- In an odd way, yes.
- Could you elaborate?

Well, married men, good men,
were always hitting on me.

Every male friendship I've had,
whether it be a love for Dickens...

...the symphony, similar upbringings,
whatever the basis for friendship...

...they've almost always ended in
the men wanting to sleep with me.

This drove you to the escort service?

I concluded man as a species isn't
suitable for long-term partnership.

Objection!

- Withdrawn.
- No. The objection is sustained.

I'm trying to make sense of this.

You hate men,
so you became a call girl?

I became cynical of
long-term relationships.

Men stayed interested
for finite periods of time...

...so I chose to engage
in finite relationships.

I need to make a living,
so I get paid.

What kind of message does this send?

I'm not trying to send any message.
I've been discreet.

- You only know because of my arrest.
- Let's be fair here...

...you hardly lead a noble life.

No. And I've never disappointed
anyone pretending to be noble.

See the star witness?

Doctor, community-minded,
on the school committee, soccer coach.

He's noble. He also pays me with his
VISA to earn frequent flyer miles.

One might say you trapped
him with your feminine wiles.

Sure. But I didn't slither up
to him wearing perfume.

He found me in the yellow pages.

Sorry. The Commonwealth
sees the humor.

ALLY:
I don 't.

First time I saw a lawyer
object to her witness.

Shut up. The things she said
about men and relationships...

...you think a jury could buy that?

You objected because
we almost buy into it.

- We do not!
- Do we meet interesting, single men?

We're lawyers.
All we meet are male attorneys.

And that is a pathetic breed.
And I have yet to meet...

John.

Here is the exception.

Why are you lunching with the D.A.?

- Renee and I live together.
- It's come to that. No men.

We're in the middle of trial. It's
inappropriate to lunch with the D.A.

Ally.

Harry Pippin is making his approach.

What brings you here?

Just thought I'd pop in and say hi.

I talked to my client.

They'll change the name
of the ice cream franchise...

...if your client is willing to waive
the anti-compete clause in Cambridge.

Well, that sounds like
we could make it work.

- Great.
- Great.

ELAINE:
Door. Snappish.

So, um...

Anything else?

I came to apologize for
the time that I came before.

- That's okay.
- And I know Angela was here.

I feel like I put you on
and in a spot, and it wasn't fair.

Oh, it's okay. I was flattered.

Look, Ally...

Don't take this the wrong way.
I'm not courting you but...

But what?

You know how I get
a feeling about people?

I get the sense that you're
kind of the romantic type.

- Well...
- I'm not going your way with this.

You don't have to be concerned.
I just came for some advice.

- Your advice.
- Okay.

You know what I said
earlier about Angela?

I do love her. Very much.

She'll be a great mother,
and I want kids.

But it's like love
out of appreciation.

And maybe convenience.

She's never made my heart bounce.

And sexually,
I don't even think of her during...

I guess what I'm trying
to ask you is...

...do you think it's wrong for
a person to marry another person...

...not because she's the one,
but because she's the only?

You know I can't tell you
whether you should marry Angela.

You know, I just got this piano.

And sometimes I sing the song called,
"Goodnight, My Someone."

And it's about...

Basically it's a love song
to somebody that you've never met...

...but you know is out there.

I mean, we make so few promises
to ourselves as we grow up.

One of them is that we walk down
the aisle with somebody we love.

Somebody who does...

...make your heart bounce, I guess.

There are some promises
that I think we just have to keep.

I come to you because you're
the designated sensitive male.

- I beg your pardon?
- The mail-room girl.

The one who saunters about
with her ample bosom?

- What about her?
- The women don't like the gawk-fest.

We feel her continued presence...

...together with the reactions,
add to a hostile working environment.

We sure don't want to file, but...

It's probably best she doesn't make
deliveries here anymore.

Whoa, whoa!

As the designated sensitive male,
maybe you should speak to Richard.

This isn't about the mating habits
of the male species.

It's about, "Did she break the law?"

The law says sex for money is a crime.

Sitting over there is a prostitute.

Proud and rich, I grant you.

But still a person
who gives sex for a fee.

That's a crime. You all know it.

Mr. Cage?

Hypocrisy troubles me greatly.

Today's biggest film actresses make
upwards of $ 10 million per picture.

They only rise to that level
if they'll simulate sex acts on film.

I say simulate.
That's merely for the intercourse.

Kissing, nibbling on nipples,
tongues in ears and mouths...

...groping of breasts and thighs,
hands on penises, groins...

...that's real.
That's actually going on.

These actresses may say they do it
for some redeeming social value.

Well, that and a million bucks.

It happens at lesser levels.

Women employees sometimes
gratify their male superiors...

...in hopes that a promotion ensues.
It's not noble...

...but it happens. Sometimes.

We don't jail them.

Many women don't consider
a man marriage material...

...unless his income's in a
certain bracket. It happens.

Women marry for money.
We don't jail them.

The truth is...

...sex has always been
a currency for women. Always.

Though often at a quid pro-blurry-quo,
my client was honest.

She told the truth.
To that man and to you.

I apologize. Hypocrisy always
gives me such pause.

Let's all take a moment.

It's not that you didn't...

Holding all thoughts till
the verdict lends perspective.

Perspective bogs me down.

Do you personally subscribe
to everything in your closing?

You mean about
hypocrisy giving me pause?

No, no. About how acceptable it is
for women to use sex as currency.

- Did I say "acceptable"?
- Yes.

You basically argued that a little
prostitution, "What's the big deal?"

And at some level,
all women sell sex to get ahead.

If you probe both
yourself and the situation...

...there's a reason I argued that.
- Which is?

I was paid to.

That was a Fishism.

- Excuse me.
- Angela.

He called off the wedding.

- He did?
- What you said made an impression.

He decided he should hold out
for the woman of his dreams.

I am the last person who should be
giving advice of the heart to anybody.

Look at me. I am a strong career girl
who feels empty without a man.

The National Organization for Women
has a contract out on my head.

But, see, I am defending a
prostitute with arguments like:

"Sex is more currency
than love these days."

I see friends getting
married because...

...they're good companions
and they have the same ideas...

...about public versus private school
issues, and I just can't buy it!

Harry should marry somebody...

...who he loves more than life.

And you deserve to be with somebody
who loves you like that.

People like me and Harry, we don't
get the partners of our dreams.

Harry asked me...

...if he should marry somebody...

...not because she's the one,
but because she's the only...

Do you think there's someone out
there wanting to take care of him?

Sometimes, when you hold out
for everything...

...you walk away with nothing.

Remember that the next time
a fat man asks you for advice.

ALLY:
Why can 't I give advice to whoever?

I mean, I obviously have love
all figured out.

When you feel that you

I don't know what else
you could have done.

Maybe I have encouraged him to hold
out for the illusion of marriage...

...and the reality is
he could end up alone.

If he doesn't love her...

He does. She just doesn't
make his heart bounce.

It should. Not all the time...

...but at least on your wedding day.
His heart should do a hop, right?

Just as the lonely

Pretty quick verdict, actually.

Johnny, great closing yesterday.
Passing out any questionnaires?

- That was uncalled for.
- See you in there.

I know you've had some trouble
with our defense...

You're doing what you have to.
Could you excuse me a second?

What's going on? You're not quoting
him off-season rates, are you?

- I beg your pardon?
- Could you excuse us, please?

What were you discussing?
You call off your wedding and now...

- I think you should marry Angela.
- Really?

Companionship and trust.
Those are real things.

What about my heart?

Yeah.

I was thinking...

...and sometimes the worst thing
for somebody's heart...

...could be Ioneliness.

Last night I was thinking
about all of my friends...

...who I thought might be right for
you. I'm ashamed to say this...

...but none of my friends
would go out with you.

Because of my heft?

Yeah.

Probably.

So you think I should
settle for Angela?

I don't think you should think
of it as settling.

Not if you want a family
and partnership.

Sometimes, we gotta look at our
choices and just make the best one.

And Angela, she's a good girl.

Yeah.

She is.

And promises that we make
ourselves when we're kids...

Stupid anyway.

[JOHN HUMS]

I apologize.

Has the jury reached its verdict?

- We have, Your Honor.
- What say you?

We find the defendant not guilty.

JUDGE: Thank you for your time
and service. Adjourned.

Thank you so much.

Thanks for sitting here in apparent
support. I'm sure it helped.

It was apparent, Sandra.

My outlook's just a little
different from yours.

I know. And I envy you.

I really do.

- You lost?
- We won.

- What are you doing?
- After each case, I gather thoughts.

Great news. Harry and Angela
are back on. Friday night.

- Great.
- Angela called.

You played Cupid so she'd like
you there. Don't wear white.

Thank you.

- I resent this side of the door.
- Do you want to know my thoughts?

The world's in trouble. We laugh
at people for seeking romance.

We laud hookers under the guise
of autonomy. Shall I write it down?

[HUMS]

Why do you do that... thing?

I stutter. I did as a child, anyway.
I controlled it with music.

I'd sing "John Jacob Jingleheimer
Schmidt. His name is my name too."

Yeah.

I sing to myself to control
my stutter if I feel nervous.

And sometimes a refrain
just kind of pops out. Anyway.

I didn't come to collect your
thoughts. I came to give you mine.

Criminal law requires
that criminal lawyers play a game.

I know. You needn't apologize
for the system...

...or for your little performance.
I get it.

I did not come in here
to apologize. I came...

The world is no longer
a romantic place.

Some of its people still are, however.

And therein lies the promise.

Don't let the world win, Ally McBeal.

That's what I came in to say.

He's a strange little biscuit,
isn't he?

OLD LADY:
You Stinker!

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