Ally McBeal (1997–2002): Season 1, Episode 13 - The Blame Game - full transcript

Water, sir?

- Thanks a lot.
- You're welcome.

I hate flying coach!

- Do you want to switch seats?
- It's okay.

Since the client is paying,
we should fly first-class.

Well, it's Richard Fish paying,
I guess.

[PLANE RATTLES]

- What was that?
- I don't know.

PILOT:
We apologize for the bumpiness.

We have a problem with our engine.
It'll be corrected momentarily.

Don 't be alarmed, and...



What the hell...!

Stay in your seats. Don't panic!

[PASSENGERS SCREAM]

[PLANE'S ENGINES DECELERATE]

[ALLY GASPS]

What? Ally, what?

- Dream. Plane. Crash.
- Okay, calm down. Easy.

Calm down.

- A plane crash?
- Oh, man. It was so real.

You're nervous about that trial.

Oh, God, Renee.
Renee, what a horrible way to go.

- It actually crashed?
- Yeah, and we were in water...

...so somehow I survived and I started
floating to the top in a seat...

...but Georgia, she didn't make it.



- Georgia didn't survive?
- Uh-uh.

- Dead?
- Yeah.

- It isn't funny.
- I know, it's just...

No, no. She got her head
chopped right off.

You're sick, Renee!

You killed her.

Sick!

VONDA SINGS:
I've been down this road

The Blame Game

Walking the line
That's painted by pride

And I have made mistakes in my life

That I just can 't hide

Oh, I believe I am ready

For what love has to bring

I got myself together

Now I'm ready to sing

I've been searching my soul tonight

I know there's so much more to life

Now I know I can shine a light

To find my way back home

Oh, baby, yeah

Oh, yeah

Don't take it personally.

Oh, Ally. It was a dream.

Even so, on some unconscious level,
I killed you.

I'm sure it had more to do
with the trial.

I still can't believe
they haven't settled.

Oh, I'm so sorry! L...

- Glenn!
- Ally.

You're still here, in the country?

Something came up.
I couldn't leave.

Oh.

Gee.

- You're looking great.
- You too.

- Georgia, Glenn. Glenn, Georgia.
- We met. At class.

GEORGIA: Hi.
- Hi.

So?

So. We should go out again,
get together again.

Yeah. Yeah, why don't we?

- I'll call.
- You do that.

Okay. I'll see you.

- He said he was leaving the country.
- Bastard.

My name is John Cage.

I, along with Ally McBeal
and Georgia Thomas...

...represent the children of Joshua
Lamb, a 70-year-old pharmacist...

...who died in the crash of
Transatlantic flight 111.

We can't prove what caused
this plane to crash.

Some suggest it was a fuel tank.
Others, a faulty wire.

Truth is, we don't know.

Res ipsa loquitur.

What that means basically is,
"The thing speaks for itself."

The plane crashed.
It speaks for itself.

Would you repeat after me?
Res ipsa loquitur.

Res ipsa loquitur.

Objection.

I will ask them to use this doctrine.
I want to be sure they can say it.

All right.

Res ipsa loquitur.

To be sure you didn't just mimic it,
think about it for a moment...

...and then say it again when I point.

Res ipsa loquitur.

Excellent.
This jury pleases me.

The sex was great. You didn't
ever expect to see him again.

Now you're mad that he didn't call?

It's the principle!
He used a line.

He flashed me a look and I bit his
hook, line and swallowed his sinker.

Ally?

Can I steal a second?

- Don't you have a plane to catch?
- Renee!

It was weird running into each other.

Yep. Weird.

It wasn't a lie.

I was going to leave.
Something really did come up.

Fine. Bygones. Door.

The reason I didn't call...

You're a lawyer. We have
about as much in common as...

ALLY:
Just give him the chill.

It's okay. Don't worry about it.
It's no problem.

I may be out of line,
but I had this feeling...

...that you slept with me
because I was leaving the country.

I felt like this
cheap one-night stand.

- You what?
- Let's face it.

You didn't ask me to stay.
We made love in the living room.

Afterwards, I read your face.

"It's time for you to go now."

You didn't call me because you
felt like a one-night stand?

- Wasn't I?
- No.

Well, great. Let's go out again.

He's tricked me.

You're going out with him again?

Well, after I thought about it
he sort of had a point.

If he was boyfriend material,
I'd have given him the test...

...which he would have failed.

But since he's leaving,
I didn't hold him up to any test.

Which means he didn't fail any test.
So I slept with him.

So...

Aside from the...

Meat?

How was he?

Oh, Georgia, believe me.
You have no idea.

Really?

[GEORGIA LAUGHS]

Oh, no. No, I didn't mean it
that way. I promise.

We should get back in.

All we know for sure is
that the fuel tank exploded.

Whether it was an electrical fire
or a mechanical failure...

...or, well, a supervening act,
we don't know.

Will you learn more
about this crash in time?

No. The FBI study, CIA, National
Transportation Safety Board...

All are in and nothing is conclusive.

- But you can rule out missile?
- Yes.

- Bomb? Lightning?
- Yes.

As chief investigator
for the NTSB...

...what do you think
brought this plane down?

Mechanical failure.

You didn't find any
mechanical failure, did you?

- No, we didn't.
- Any evidence of human error?

No.

Anybody been fired
or suspended as a result?

No.

The Transportation and
Safety Board has decided...

...nobody here did anything negligent?

That's correct.

Did you ever claim you were
abducted by aliens?

I had a vivid dream once.

I want to put that behind me.
I was different then...

- They offered zero? As in nothing?
- Zero. As in.

What am I missing?

Killed in a plane crash.
That's zero?

Causation is tough.

- The plane crashed!
- The cause is unknown.

It had to be the airline's fault.
What's the defense?

We have to prove negligence...

When somebody's dead,
there's money. John.

- Speak.
- I am troubled.

All the good love
When we're all alone

Keep it up, boy
Yeah, you turn me on

- She wasn't up there?
- I just left, she isn't.

RENEE: She said 6:30.
Maybe she just...

Hey, sorry I'm late.

- Where were you?
- Oh, I had a couple of errands.

A couple of errands?

Yeah.

You've had sex.

- What?
- I can see it, okay?

Your cheeks are all flushed.
You've got that sex afterglow.

- Are you on drugs?
- I can see it too.

This is crazy!

It's a true thing.
Women get an actual redness from sex.

Will you all please shut up?

Glenn.

You slut.

I think it's some sort of
quarter-life crisis. I just...

He asked me out for a drink.
I told him to meet me at home.

I will deny ever having said that.

Hey, Ally!
Where have you been?

Out climbing Jack's beanstalk!

She is such a kidder.
She's such a stitch!

How about those Celtics?

I don 't have any afterglow.
That's normal pink.

- I apologize.
- Apologize? How...?

How could you fall like that
coming out of a bathroom stall?

I was hoisting myself,
doing isometrics.

I'm prone to blood-flow droppage.
Isometrics invigorate me.

The fall was an aberration.

I'm typically fluid in my dismounts.

- Well, are you okay?
- Yeah. My body reacts well to crisis.

- Ally?
- Yes.

I know we're in the throes of
scheduling our first date.

But given that we're in trial...

...I'd feel most comfortable...

...if we suspended
our plans until...

...you're finished with the
well-endowed model.

Being the "jugglee" troubles me.

Well, I understand that.
I certainly do.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- This Glenn guy, is it serious?
- Who? What? Why?

Glenn.

No! No...

- Are you sleeping with him?
- You can't ask that!

Ally, we're friends.

If you're involved with somebody,
friends talk about that.

We're not involved.
We just met.

- But you're...
- No, no, no!

You can't ask me that.

It's enough that we have
to pee in the same room.

You can't ask me that! No!

- So, that's a boundary?
- I think it should be. Yeah.

Okay.

We combed through that aircraft
piece by piece.

It wasn't static electricity
or faulty wiring.

The air conditioning didn't overheat.

You sound a bit annoyed.

My people have been
blamed for killing people.

And they didn't. There's
no evidence of negligence.

We did nothing wrong.

When a person chooses air travel...

...there are factors to be
considered. Where to go...

...is one of the first
considerations, right?

I suppose.

Business, first class, coach.
Decisions to be made.

- Yes.
- Some people require special meals.

Do any of your customers ask if
the plane will be blowing up?

This is why I started this firm.
To answer the call to human anguish.

To make air travel safer
for all people.

We hear the adage, "Law is business."
It's not just a business to me...

... or the other attorneys
of this firm. It's a calling.

The defense expects to...

This case is putting us on the
map. Win or lose, we profit.

We'll win, right? Deus ex machina.

Res ipsa loquitur. And even if we
do win, we have no shot at punitives.

Compensatories for death
of a parent are minuscule.

The settlement conference...
I want you to be me.

Opposing counsel has a bead on me,
laying in wait.

I want you to be me.

There's a human sundial here
to see you.

Oh, thank you, Elaine.

- Let's try to grow up a little.
- Let's try.

- You two find things to talk about?
- I don't like to attach audio to him.

Touch?.

So...

- What's up?
- Just stopping by.

I'm on my way to class. I'm wondering
if you might be hungry later.

- Definitely.
- Great.

- Dinner?
- Sure.

- Good. I'll pick you up.
- Okay.

- I'll see you.
- Bye.

He'll get over it.
Ex-boyfriends still get jealous.

- That's why...
- That's not it.

Then what is it?

I think I like him.

- Billy?
- Glenn. Glenn!

- I think I might really like the guy.
- No. This means... Oh, God!

- Ally, you might have to smile.
- Come on.

We are complete opposites.

He spends his days
sliding down mountains!

Being opposites isn't negative. What
if you met someone just like you?

- Ick!
- Right. Do you want to meet a lawyer?

- No. But I just...
- You know what you're looking for.

Good-Iooking. Good sense of humor.
Good father. Good sex.

Yes. But what if we don't
really have anything to talk about?

All right, I know that you have this
great idealism about marriage, but...

- And please don't shoot the messenger.
- What?

Married couples, they don't talk.

- They don't?
- No.

The first year of marriage
they do, but then...

If you put a jellybean into a jar...

...whenever a couple has a discussion
the first year...

...and after that, you took
one out each time they talk...

...experts say the jar
will never become empty.

They measure marriages
with jellybeans?

You don't like that truth.

Here's another one.
The biggest one.

Let me have it.

So long as he's cute, smart, sexy,
and decent, who cares what else he is?

Because after you marry him, you're
going to try to change him.

You'll re-dress him,
change his haircut.

You'll handpick which
ones get to be his friends.

- I won't do that.
- Don't lie to me, girl!

It's part of the fun of life. Finding
the perfect guy, then changing him.

Mr. Ballard, you've put up an
admirable defense.

With the judge, persuasive.

With a jury...

This might come down...

...not to what the jury wants to do,
but what they need to.

What they need is to believe that
airplanes don't crash for no reason.

They need to believe...

...it was a screwup.

They fly, as do you and I.

And like you and I, to them...

...the idea that sometimes planes
just crash because they just do...?

Unacceptable. There's a reason.
Someone made a mistake.

That had to be a bad plane
or a bad pilot.

Because these things...

They just can't happen.

They just can't.

Consider what you want, Mr. Ballard,
what we want and what the jury wants.

And then consider what they need.

[JOHN'S NOSE WHISTLES]

I've never done what I did yesterday.

Running home from work to...

Me neither.

Really? You?

You just seem like you were built
for running home from work.

I still feel like a
sexual object with you.

Glenn.

That's probably why I
wanted to make love twice.

Prove to myself it wasn't
just a one-night stand.

Ally, you and I...

I can't see us having
a future, can you?

SINGING VOICES:
Nah-nah-nah-nah

- Excuse me?
- You're a great girl.

But I still feel like
a boy-toy.

Nah-nah-nah-nah

- Boy-toy?
- It's not you. It's me.

I have some kind of complex with
successful working women. It's...

Hey, hey, hey

Glenn, it's...

It's not like we've explored
a relationship here.

I know. But...

- Well, you know this after two dates?
- I do.

I'm sorry.

So now what?

Maybe... Maybe I should leave.

Sure.

I'll pay.
I'm a successful working woman.

Bye, Ally.

You're a great lady.

Hey, hey, hey
Goodbye

Nah-nah-nah-nah

Nah-nah-nah-nah

Hey, hey, hey
Goodbye

Twice! He actually got me twice.

- You know what really bothers me?
- There won't be a third?

He can't handle not being
thought of as a nice guy.

When I ran into him,
he felt busted.

He didn't want me to think of him as
a dirtbag, so he asked me out again.

You okay?

I'm fine.

I am!

I would like to get
a little even, though.

What are you thinking?

Oh, just go back a little in time.

"The Penguin"?

- Will you do the honors?
- We're adults.

We're lawyers.
We don't do that anymore.

We haven't retired the Penguin,
and this guy...

He's the perfect finale.

- You do it!
- No. He would see it coming from me.

Besides, we need your
special little nasty touch.

Please?

I'm not at ease being sculpted by you.
I was intimate with your roommate.

I didn't drop by to sculpt. And I'm
not here to stick up for a roommate.

I'm here because...

...while you might not enjoy
being a one-night stand, I do.

Excuse me?

I want you. I've been holding
your clay self in my hands.

Now, it's time to chisel
the real thing.

- Does Ally know about this?
- Yes.

She told me to help myself.

She did?

- What's the Penguin?
- It's hard to describe.

- You kind of have to see it.
- Can I?

- We're aiming for tonight.
- What's up?

- Nothing.
- Talking about the case.

I forgot how much fun
a plane crash can be.

Ally and I are going out tonight.
A girl's-night-out kind of thing.

That's okay, right?

- Sure.
- Great.

Let's get ready.

- Closing's in an hour.
- Okay.

- What?
- You having a good time?

Excuse me?

This thing with the model
is disappointing.

It's not any of my business.

No. But since you wedged
your nose in, go ahead.

You're running around with...

With what?

All I'll say is this:

A lawyer walks into a courtroom
with only her reputation.

Promiscuity undermines
that reputation.

- Are you serious?
- Yes, I am.

Promiscuity. How about hypocrisy?

Did you say this to John when
he was busted for solicitation?

It's different for a woman.

- A woman is...
- Subject to a double standard.

It may not be fair, but it's true.
Go have fun, but be discreet.

You should care about your own
credibility, if not the firm's.

Hey! Who I date doesn't
concern this firm.

And it doesn't concern you.

If you have a problem, don't give me
any "firm reputation" pretext.

- Bitch!
- Lawyer!

Money. They have it.
We want it.

And we need you to
make them give it to us.

And we want a lot.

Their plane went up.
But it went down.

Their father died.
You can't compensate my clients.

If you're hard on Transatlantic...

...it'll be in their economic interest
not to ever let another plane crash.

Maybe you could make them hire more
mechanics, do more testings...

...or limit the number of years
an aircraft can fly. Maybe.

Who knows what that kind of
obsession could achieve?

We do know that kind of obsession
won't come from conscience.

It won't be motivated by good will.

That kind of commitment to humanity,
it can only come from one thing.

Let's all say it together:
"Money."

- She doesn't have any hard feelings?
- No. No.

She thought you were
a great guy, actually.

Pull over here.

What are we doing?

You're not one of those
"got to have a bed" guys, are you?

It's cold, Renee.

It's just...
I'm just a wee bit experimental.

Ah, experimental.
You mean what? Like frostbite?

- Have you ever had a Penguin?
- A Penguin?

This is stage one.

Here. Look.

- I can't believe we rented these.
- Oh, it'll be worth it.

- What happens if a car comes?
- Baby, I promise, you won't notice.

What?

No. For a Penguin, you are
just a recipient.

He's wearing Speedos!

No, they're an Italian
knockoff. Wintergreen-scented.

All right, now.

Lower your shorts.

- Lower my shorts?
- All the way to your ankles.

Oh, my God!
I can't believe this!

- Now, come to me. Come on.
- Come to you?

Where are we going?

That's it, baby. Oh, that's great.

You are so hot, baby.

Faster. Faster, now.

You are doing it, baby.
That's it!

That's the Penguin!

You are doing it, baby.
That's it!

[PENGUIN QUACKING }

That's the Penguin, baby!

Bye-bye, Penguin!

[PENGUIN QUACKING]

- Is she in?
- Yes.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- I'm sorry. I had no right to be so...
- Holy?

- Holy?
- I was about to say I was an ass.

Yeah. Ass-holy.

The reason I think I overreacted,
I think that maybe part of who I am...

...my esteem, is that you
used to be with me.

Maybe that gets threatened or diluted
a bit if you've been with everybody.

I haven't been with everybody.
I haven't had time!

- I came to apologize.
- And you're good at it.

Men are good with apologies
the next day.

First the pain, and then
the big sorry swoop.

What are you saying?

I'm sick of being a casualty
everybody apologizes to.

Then I'm not sorry.
Happy?

- Very. Anything else?
- Fine. That's all.

- Lf there is, come right back, okay?
- I will.

I'll make a list of my future dates...

...for you to check and save the firm.

- Bitch.
- Man.

It's all about blame.

If you get hurt, file a claim,
collect your money.

The idea that a plane could crash,
that people could die...

...and an airline not be held liable...
Of course they should pay.

If a person gets cancer,
there must be a doctor to sue.

If somebody skids in the snow,
go after the government.

Last year, a man's house was
destroyed by hurricane.

It was called an "act of God,"
so he sued his church.

And he won.

I apologize.

If you get hurt,
there's got to be a bad guy.

Pain doesn't just happen.

There's got to be somebody to blame.

- It's like he was talking about me.
- You?

Yeah. He, he...

A plane crashes,
hundreds of people die...

...and you find a way
to make it about you.

- That's a new record.
- I don't mean that.

I mean about blaming everybody,
or everything for...

Do I blame other people
for all of my woes?

- Yes.
- I'd like a considered answer.

- Do I blame others for my problems?
- Yes.

You didn't think about it.

That's why I push too hard with men,
because I need communication.

Because all I get from my roommate is
unthoughtful, knee-jerk quips!

You just blamed me for your
problems with men.

I did?

Well, you made me.

Never mind. Never mind. I'm...

As usual, you've been a very big help.

- Are we winning?
- The jury's out.

But we're winning, right?

- Lf you'll excuse me. Cramps.
- I want to talk about it.

All right. Later.

- Ally?
- Go away.

- Glenn is here.
- Thank you, Elaine.

- Ally?
- Go!

No, wait. Stay.

I only have time for one apology scene
per life. Since you're both here...

...I'm sorry.
You came to apologize.

I'm just still angry at men.
And that was because of you.

That's why you got the Penguin lesson.
I'm sorry.

You hurt me and like the lawyer said,
hurt people blame others.

I blamed you for no reason. I was
glad you were leaving the country.

Or else I wouldn't have slept
with you, and I wanted to.

It's hard to say this because
I slept with him forever.

I apologize to you both
for bringing you together...

...for a combined apology.
I'm sorry. You're really good guys.

It's just you stung a bit, and you can
still sting without even trying.

I was wrong. And I'm not finished
yet, but I need to breathe.

- Where was I?
- You're needed in the conference room.

Oh.

- Six-eighty-five.
- And that's good?

That's great.

A jury could give us more, but
they could also rule against us.

My advice is to take it.

No.

Mr. Cage...

...when we first came to you...

...you said, emotion aside,
this is a case about money.

And we accepted that.

But our father is dead, and we're
in here trying to win a lottery.

We'd like a verdict.
A judgment against that airline.

You may not get it.

We know that.

We apologize. I know law is a
business. It's your business.

And for us to spring this
on you now is...

- I'm sorry.
- Mr. Lamb, Mrs. Pierce.

We're your lawyers. If you
want to, we'll go to verdict.

You don't have to convince us
of anything or apologize.

Thank you.

Thank you.

This happens when the law
gets perverted by principle.

You three call yourselves lawyers?

Their decision needs to be an
informed one. And it was.

- Oh, go take a moment.
- That was uncalled-for.

Oh, people!

There's a certain jury back
with a certain verdict.

Are you sure you can handle this?

Things happen for a reason.
Even lunacy.

We're going to win. And get
even more than that offer.

- What if we lose?
- I vomit, then dive into it.

I brought my snorkel.

Has the jury reached a verdict?

- We have, Your Honor.
- And what say you?

In the matter of Lamb
versus Transatlantic...

...we find in favor
of the plaintiff...

...and order the defendant to pay
damages of 1. 1 million dollars.

Excellent!

JUDGE: Ladies and gentlemen of the
jury, thank you for your service.

You are free to go now.

- Thank you so much.
- Congratulations.

- You want the verdict? Souvenir?
- Yes.

May I touch that?

Thank you. Yeah. Oh...

- You can keep it.
- Thanks.

I want to give

I thought you had gone crazy again.

I did. I'm comfortable there.

I just need to let the air out
sometimes. Don't take it personally.

Here we go. Do you want to
toast now or wait for the others?

- Wait. Do you want to go dance first?
- I could do that.

Do you want me to round up a twin?

No.

No, thanks. I'm fine.

The lousy thing about winning,
it's harder to deny you're alone.

Would you like to dance?

Thanks, but I think I'll sit here
and watch my friends for a while.

- Maybe later.
- Sure.

- Didn't do enough today?
- Why? Who you got?

I was kidding.

So where's Georgia?

Still down there.

She doesn't mind when you
steal away to come see me?

I wasn't coming to see you.
I just came up here to get my bag.

Uh-huh.

- Good going with the win today.
- Yep.

Winning's the thing.

I still get jealous.

I see you with somebody else,
and I get jealous.

- That's why I was so...
- l...

I was so...
Because I felt guilty.

You believe that? Being with a guy
and I feel like I'm betraying you.

Tell me I don't need help.

Yeah, you need help.

But what about me? One day
you're gonna meet somebody.

For real.

- Night.
- Night.

OLD LADY:
You stinker!

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