Ally McBeal (1997–2002): Season 1, Episode 12 - Cro-Magnon - full transcript
Ally struggles to get her biological clock under control when she starts having strange libidinal impulses. She, Renée, and Georgia are enamored with a particularly well-endowed male model in their sculpting class. In the office, Ally has to defend the nineteen-year-old son of a senior partner accused of assault for slugging another guy who harassed his date.
I love sculpting. It's healthy to end
the day doing something artistic.
I agree.
Can you turn around?
I can't see your meat whistle.
- Don't talk to him.
- You're not talking much.
- I'm lost in my art.
- Yeah, whatever.
Do you want to go skiing on Friday?
I can't, I'm in trial.
A battery, son of a big client.
Geoff, you can take a break.
Glenn?
- Wait! I haven't circumcised him yet.
- Cute.
Speaking of cute.
Don't look at them either.
- Not look at them?
- Not like that.
- Everything okay over here?
- Fine.
- You?
- I might need a touch more clay.
I've been down this road
Cro-Magnon
Walking the line
That's painted by pride
And I have made mistakes in my life
That I just can't hide
Oh, I believe I am ready
For what love has to bring
I got myself together
Now I'm ready to sing
I've been searching my soul tonight
I know there's so much more to life
Now I know I can shine a light
To find my way back home
Oh, baby, yeah
Oh, yeah
Maybe it was some kind of implant.
Everything in that class
is natural.
- Did that look natural?
- It looked supernatural.
You gonna finish that sausage
or wave it around?
We got home at 9:00,
went to bed at 11:00.
Got up an hour ago.
That's three hours.
- And all we've done is talk about it.
- Given how big it was...
You are lying!
You're sure it was real?
I didn't biopsy it,
but I've seen enough to know.
- I'd like to sculpt.
- Hey.
John and Richard are going to watch
the fight. Do you want to come?
Hate to miss out on
a burst eye socket.
Wait. What is it about boxing?
- I mean, do you really like it?
- No, I just pretend.
- Do you like boxing?
- No!
- Do you?
- Love it.
Case closed.
That disparaged me.
Billy, I'm thinking
of taking up sculpting.
Austin Gil and his son, Clint.
You met before?
- Oh! At arraignment.
- Hi.
Austin has concerns about a plea.
- Concerns? I'm angry.
- Angry, yes. It's me who's concerned.
He's against a guilty plea.
I'm against a record. What happens
when he applies to medical school?
They'll tell him to apply to law
school. Kidding. Bygones. Ally?
The only way to avoid
a record is to win.
Which... Six people saw him
throw the punch.
It was a fight at a party, that's all.
Things like this happen with kids.
- Lf he hadn't broken a cheekbone...
- She'll give it some thought.
When she goes into her office, we're
amazed at what she comes out with.
Don't let us stop you.
I apologize, I dropped my Papermate.
Ah.
Uh...
Actually, I'm not here
on a work-related matter.
I wondered whether
you'd like to have dinner.
- This weekend.
- Sure.
- With me.
- Yeah, I assumed that part.
I'd love to. How about Friday?
That's fight night.
Would Saturday work?
Fight night?
- Do you really like boxing?
- Yes.
- No, really.
- Yes.
Men pulverizing each other.
This entertains you?
John, I'd like you to assist Ally
on the Clint Gil case.
The father's angry. The boy
hit somebody. Anything come to mind?
Bygones?
You're wearing that to class?
It's jeans!
I don't want clay on my suit.
Your sudden interest in sculpting?
Naked men.
That is not true.
One naked man
with a trunk like Dumbo's.
Excuse me?
- I know, this model has a big...
- Nose.
I don't want you to go.
- Pardon?
- You heard me.
Hey! You ready?
- She can't go.
- I can go!
- Georgia!
- Billy, it's a class!
- A big penis, that's why you take it?
- I signed up before I saw it.
Ally?
You okay?
- What do you mean, am I okay?
- You went to a different planet.
- Oh.
- That's where she's from.
You know, I'm gonna just say this
and pretend I didn't.
I am married and off the market,
but if I were single...
...considering life is short...
- Shorter than that?
- I'd ask him out.
- Married people are the bravest.
Life is meant to be the sum total
of different experiences.
- What's the matter?
- I thought I heard something.
Damn it! I cannot do
this guy according to scale.
Gravity keeps screwing it up.
- I gotta go.
- Already?
- I have trial.
- Wait, you were gonna plead out.
Change of strategy. Trial.
Something going on with you?
Well, I'm not sure.
I'm having these hallucinations
or something.
You mean fantasies?
Not fantasies.
They're like hallucinations.
- Oh, yeah, of what?
- Well, it...
I don't know. It...
I better prepare for tomorrow.
- Ally?
- Hey, Clint. You ready?
- My dad's with Mr. Cage.
- Good.
So we're going with the not guilty?
Yep. There are risks,
but we understand them, right?
Right. So, let's do it.
Let's do it.
He's 19. What's wrong with me?
Did you challenge
the defendant, Dwayne?
- No, sir.
- Did you have any dialogue with him?
He told me to leave.
I said this is between me and her.
- Her being your ex-girlfriend?
- Yes, sir.
- The defendant's date that evening?
- Yes, sir.
Let's be honest, you were upset
with Lisa Ryan, weren't you?
Yes, we had just broken up and days
later, she's kissing him at a party.
- Then what?
As I said...
...he told me to back off.
I continued to have words with Lisa.
And he hit me.
You called her a slut?
I was upset.
And didn't Clinton Gil
repeatedly ask you to step back?
He said, "Back off. "
How many times, I don't know.
If you were on a date...
...and a man verbalized your escort...
...calling her a liar,
calling her a slut...
...what would you do?
- Ask him to stop.
Suppose he didn't stop.
Suppose he just kept on.
- I'd walk away.
- And leave her there?
I'd take her.
- So you'd leave?
- Probably.
- So the bully would win out.
- I wasn't a bully.
Does it surprise you
that a woman...
...if called a slut, would appreciate
a little chivalry?
- Objection.
- Overruled.
Your Honor, I'm single, I date.
To think I'm in a situation where
my chastity is impugned...
- Objection.
- Sustained.
Your Honor, I am sorry, I'm...
I find myself troubled.
I'd like to take a moment.
You took a moment. I should
give you a foot rub just for that.
- You'll pay me 50 bucks.
- What did Cage say?
Excuse me. You're in the class.
Oh, tongue burn. Hello.
Hi, I'm one of the models.
Like I didn't know.
Oh, yeah.
You look familiar.
This is Renee.
She's also in the class.
- Hi.
- Hey, how's it hanging?
Okay.
- You look different.
- With clothes on?
Yeah.
- So you guys are lawyers?
- How did you know?
Oh, I could hear you talking.
- I'm sorry, I burned it again.
- Let me see it.
- What?
- Your tongue.
How do I get into these things?
It looks a little scalded.
I could take you for a gimlet
to cool it down.
- I mean, if you feel like it.
- What?
On the rocks.
- You're going out?
- You were for it.
I'm still for it.
Just don't get hurt.
- Hey, what's going on?
- Nothing.
- Ally's dating Long John Silver.
- Elaine.
Look at you all.
Can I ask you something?
Does size matter?
- No.
- No.
- No.
- All I need.
- So bigger is better?
- No.
Of course not.
Schoolgirls.
I'm not opposed to you
taking a moment.
- But I don't want to be ridiculed.
- It was flattery.
I've seen how it works for you,
so that's why I tried it.
- You...
- What?
Nothing.
- Is there anything else?
- One thing. It's not work-related.
There's a rumor that
you're going on a date.
A man of prowess.
It's not my business.
But since you and I are having dinner,
which could be construed as a...
I find the practicing
of dating necessitates...
...a certain measure of dishonesty.
- You do?
- Yes.
People in the throes
of early courtship...
...might be seeing different people.
It's not proper etiquette to reference
those other people while on a date.
And as two people converse,
they talk about their week.
Well, I played squash.
Oh, I tried this case.
These are just examples
of conversation. My point:
You'd choose not to tell me
about other men...
...as I'd omit mention of other women.
These omissions...
...could be considered non-assertive
lies. I wouldn't want that.
We shouldn't hide the fact
that we date other people.
- Fine.
- But, of course...
...should you have other relations,
I don't care to be briefed.
I understand. Ditto.
I'll go and prepare my direct.
I wouldn't worry.
After women marry and have kids,
they don't want a man's penis.
The bigger it is, the more
of him she doesn't want.
- Ever measured yourself?
- Always. Net worth.
- Really, have you ever?
- When I was 13, maybe.
- You?
- Something like that.
Do you ever wonder whether
you're good in bed or not?
- No, I know I'm good.
- How?
Because I'm always satisfied.
Good for me.
Yes!
It's not a breakdown.
- Then why?
- The baby?
Not just a baby, Renee. It dances,
it wiggles, it struts around.
And this fantasy with my client.
He's 19.
- Does he dance?
- No, that's a fantasy.
The baby is a hallucination.
Should I get help?
No, this is just a tick, tick.
- Tick, tick, what?
- Biological clock, it makes sense.
Fantasizing over a kid
in his sexual prime.
You're dating John,
who is husband material.
All the while sculpting a giant...
Renee. And what is that about?
Isn't it disgusting that
I'm curious about a guy...
Do you know how many men have been
interested in my lofty goals?
- It's not the same.
- Why not?
We're women. We have
double standards to live up to.
Biological clock.
He was persistent.
He didn't just say slut.
What else did he say?
He asked how many guys
she'd do that night.
He accused her of cheating.
He was totally out of line.
- And you did what?
- I popped him.
- Think there were other options?
- I didn't think about it.
- You just popped him?
- I felt I should stick up for her.
- That's what you did by popping him.
- Yes.
- He never got physical with you?
- No.
Where were his hands when you swung?
By his side.
By his side?
He never even saw it coming.
I don't know if he saw it.
He certainly had it coming.
- That's why you popped him?
- Yes.
Pick the right round, you win.
I hate boxing!
People trying to kill each other.
They want the other
to lose consciousness.
I don't want in on the pool.
Like boxing?
Friday night is a big fight.
Got twenty bucks?
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Richard wants me in his boxing pool.
- Can you drive if I have a beer?
- I'll drive.
- We could go eat dinner.
- That's fine.
- Do I satisfy you in bed?
What was that last one?
Do I? Sexually? In bed?
- Where did that come from?
- I don't know.
I don't take
anything for granted.
Our giggling. It's bothering you.
No, why would... Well...
Billy.
I am a very satisfied woman.
- Don't you wish I was...
- No!
Of all the things to be insecure
about, that is the least.
Not what I meant.
I am very, very happy...
...in the bed.
Trust me.
Do you swear to tell the truth?
- I do.
- Be seated.
Would you state your name
and occupation?
Dr. John Emburg.
I am a clinical psychologist.
I also teach anthropology
and human behavior.
Counsel?
I have no questions.
You have no questions?
You brought him in as a witness.
I apologize.
- What?
- I know what I'm doing.
You know what you're doing?
- I do.
- An appeal for bad counsel?
- There is an explanation for this.
- What is it?
He likes to be mysterious.
And I think that...
He likes to be mysterious.
I pay a lot of money to your firm.
There's a reason
a big chunk goes to him.
See you tomorrow for the closings.
- John?
- Ally?
- Do you know what you're doing?
- I do.
Ain't it funny how
you're walking through life
And it turns on a dime
A professional snowboarder.
It's not like I make a fortune.
But I get to travel.
- And the modeling?
- Pays a few bills.
Doesn't it bother you to sit there?
I'm only 27. It's a little early
in life to be really bothered.
I'm 27 and everything bothers me.
- Why?
- Why?
We're single with money, healthy.
Lots ahead for us to get upset about.
But now?
We're in toyland now, aren't we?
I would've gone to bed with him.
- Excuse me?
- I would have.
Not that he asked.
- Do you even remember how?
- I keep a journal.
Ah.
So, is this guy potential
"first husband"?
Oh, God, no!
We couldn't have less in common.
Still...
Well, these are certainly horny times.
It has nothing to do
with the size of his shoe.
- I just...
- Just what?
I don't know. He's cute.
He snowboards.
He's leaving the country on Sunday.
Two ships collide in the night.
I probably would have resorted
to my prudy little self.
I might not have.
Maybe it's that 19-year-old.
He's got me in heat.
- I'm sorry.
- Oh, sweetie.
Don't apologize.
I'm surprised that hasn't happened
before. Doesn't that happen?
Not to me.
It's stupid, I know.
Hey, this has nothing to do with you.
I know.
Why are you about to cry?
- I'm happy.
- Happy?
- About what?
- It's stupid.
More stupid than what's with you.
Tell me then.
Stupidity loves company.
The idea of you being
insecure with me...
...instead of me being
insecure with you...
...feels...
...good.
See? It's stupid.
Nothing's ticking in me!
I don't tick!
You hear me?
I know you're in here.
Where are you?
Get out here.
I'm not having any baby.
And you can't make me
think I want you.
Nothing's ticking,
and I don't want you!
- Hi.
- What is it?
I'm trying to catch that baby!
He's running.
- Trying to catch him?
- Yes.
- But it's not real.
- So?
If I catch him in my imagination,
I can make him go away.
Since that's where he lives,
that'll solve the problem.
I'm not the first
to confront a demon.
But you are the first to try a tackle.
Okay, maybe it's not a demon.
Just say, "Hey, baby. "
- And go with it.
- Go with it?
This is about your guilt
about wanting that model.
It is not.
Stop claiming to know me!
This is your inhibition raising
its ugly head, keeping me awake!
Go with Glenn. Go with life.
And go to sleep!
Do I look good or what?
- Look at my ass.
- I'd love to, but I'm late.
I'll be gone. Will I miss anything?
Well, if you do, I will
let you read my journal.
- Have fun.
- Break a leg.
Oh, you too.
The victim never raised a finger.
The defendant said...
...Dwayne's hands were at his side
when Clint swung...
...breaking Dwayne Stokes' cheekbone,
crushing the side of his face.
This society doesn't
condone violence.
Or does it?
The defendant didn't like
what was said...
...so he attacked a man.
Those facts are indisputable.
The only question today...
...is do we tolerate that?
What was he to do? The man
was verbally assaulting his date.
He could've responded,
espousing sticks and stones...
...or walked away.
Remember I was about to put
a psychologist on the stand?
I intended to introduce evidence
about human behavior.
I tell you, as I looked
at this doctor, I thought:
Does this jury need a specialist
to teach them human nature?
Because that's what happened
at this party. Human nature.
Man, any man, is part warrior.
Certainly we've evolved,
we have ties, cell phones.
But there are primal qualities
that will always be there.
When I was 13 years old, I stood
in line at a movie theater...
...when another boy
cut in front of me.
He said, "What are you
gonna do about it?"
Well, I did nothing.
And that haunted me.
I went on to become valedictorian.
I've accomplished a lot.
But when I would define myself,
what was always there...
Was I was a kid who was
afraid to stick up for myself.
Three years ago, I was at a bar
on Causeway Street.
It was after a disappointing
Celtics game. That isn't relevant.
A man bumped my shoulder
heading for the mens' room.
He was at fault.
He also had wider shoulders.
And he said, "Idiot. "
I said, "Excuse me?"
And he repeated, "Idiot. "
He said, "Got a problem?"
I said, "Yes, I do have a problem. "
He said, "Maybe you need space. "
He pushed me.
Then he became the boy
at that movie theater.
And I pushed him back.
He came forward. I knew...
...this was to be a fight.
My first fight.
I raised my right hand.
My father told me
about planting my foot.
I planted it against a table leg.
As he got close, I threw
my punch. I hit him!
Right on the jaw. He went down.
He didn't get up.
He just laid there,
just holding his jaw.
And I stood over him.
Well, I've had my successes
as a lawyer.
I've performed public services
bringing me great gratification.
But as a man, medieval as this
may sound, as a man...
...the most satisfying moment
of my life was that punch.
Is that noble? I'm sure not.
Am I embarrassed? Yes.
But is it a fundamental truth? Yes.
A truth of man's human nature.
I'm not here to condone violence.
But when a man attacks another
man's date with vulgarity...
...what is he to do?
Go back to that room
and admit a truth to yourselves:
You're glad he threw that punch.
- How did it go?
- Jury's still out...
...but his closing
speech was his best ever.
- Fabulous.
- Even the kid's father is happy.
We agreed we won't smoke
the stink sticks here.
Fight night. Exception.
Tonight they'll have
all three heavyweight belts.
Gee, nobody told me that.
Please come, dilute all the fun.
- I actually have a...
- You may say it.
Date. I have a date.
They have a verdict.
- Now?
- Let's go.
This is a good sign.
It has to be.
I'm fine.
- What is it you see?
- Excuse me?
You see something.
Oh, well, sometimes
I imagine seeing...
...a baby.
A baby?
It dances.
I don't know what it means.
I'll have to whip out Freud.
I had a therapist who said
to confront them.
- Dancing babies?
- No, hallucinations, dreams.
My dead aunt kept wanting
to have tea with me.
It was two years
before I stopped her.
- How?
- I had tea with her.
Will the defendant please rise?
You've reached your verdict?
- Yes.
- What say you?
On the charge of 62321,
misdemeanor battery...
...we find the defendant,
Clinton Gil, not guilty.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Gonna dance, gonna dance all night
Gonna dance, gonna dance all night
I could have danced all night
I could have danced all night
And still have begged for more
I guess this was a victory
for Cro-Magnon mankind.
Maybe Renee's right.
I should just go with it.
I'd never done before
I'll never know what made it so
exciting
Why all at once my heart took flight
With both fighters in the
ring, it's electric.
People have waited
a long time for this.
I feel it.
The truth is, and I'm only
admitting this since you're leaving:
I understand.
If I were that girl at a party...
...and some guy came
and said those things...
...I'd want my date
to rip his head off.
You would?
I wouldn't ask him to, and I would
get mad if he did fight.
But if he just walked away...
...as dignified as that may be...
...I would probably
be a little disappointed.
Here we are. The bout...
Gotta get him early.
Long fight. Long fight.
I believe I have Round 1.
- So do you play?
- I'm learning.
- Do you play? You probably do.
- Just "Heart and Soul. "
- Top.
- Bottom.
Okay.
Somebody kill somebody.
Preferably in the first round.
- We're good.
- We are.
Can you take it slower?
Let's see.
Stay out of the corner!
- Stay in it.
Take him out! You got him!
Take him out!
Below the belt, hit him!
- Hit him like a man!
- Somebody hurt him!
Somebody hurt him now!
Ten! You're out!
...expected a much longer
fight tonight.
It was over so fast.
Good day for the Biscuit.
Yes, indeed.
I never imagined myself
ever wanting to make love...
...and not wanting to wake up to him.
He knew too.
He knew it from the start.
All right, come on out.
I'm not afraid,
just come right on out.
If John can drink tea
with his aunt, I can dance.
Get your cherubic ass out here.
All right, Mr. Huggy,
you want to dance? Let's go.
You stinker!
Subtitles by
SDI Media Group
the day doing something artistic.
I agree.
Can you turn around?
I can't see your meat whistle.
- Don't talk to him.
- You're not talking much.
- I'm lost in my art.
- Yeah, whatever.
Do you want to go skiing on Friday?
I can't, I'm in trial.
A battery, son of a big client.
Geoff, you can take a break.
Glenn?
- Wait! I haven't circumcised him yet.
- Cute.
Speaking of cute.
Don't look at them either.
- Not look at them?
- Not like that.
- Everything okay over here?
- Fine.
- You?
- I might need a touch more clay.
I've been down this road
Cro-Magnon
Walking the line
That's painted by pride
And I have made mistakes in my life
That I just can't hide
Oh, I believe I am ready
For what love has to bring
I got myself together
Now I'm ready to sing
I've been searching my soul tonight
I know there's so much more to life
Now I know I can shine a light
To find my way back home
Oh, baby, yeah
Oh, yeah
Maybe it was some kind of implant.
Everything in that class
is natural.
- Did that look natural?
- It looked supernatural.
You gonna finish that sausage
or wave it around?
We got home at 9:00,
went to bed at 11:00.
Got up an hour ago.
That's three hours.
- And all we've done is talk about it.
- Given how big it was...
You are lying!
You're sure it was real?
I didn't biopsy it,
but I've seen enough to know.
- I'd like to sculpt.
- Hey.
John and Richard are going to watch
the fight. Do you want to come?
Hate to miss out on
a burst eye socket.
Wait. What is it about boxing?
- I mean, do you really like it?
- No, I just pretend.
- Do you like boxing?
- No!
- Do you?
- Love it.
Case closed.
That disparaged me.
Billy, I'm thinking
of taking up sculpting.
Austin Gil and his son, Clint.
You met before?
- Oh! At arraignment.
- Hi.
Austin has concerns about a plea.
- Concerns? I'm angry.
- Angry, yes. It's me who's concerned.
He's against a guilty plea.
I'm against a record. What happens
when he applies to medical school?
They'll tell him to apply to law
school. Kidding. Bygones. Ally?
The only way to avoid
a record is to win.
Which... Six people saw him
throw the punch.
It was a fight at a party, that's all.
Things like this happen with kids.
- Lf he hadn't broken a cheekbone...
- She'll give it some thought.
When she goes into her office, we're
amazed at what she comes out with.
Don't let us stop you.
I apologize, I dropped my Papermate.
Ah.
Uh...
Actually, I'm not here
on a work-related matter.
I wondered whether
you'd like to have dinner.
- This weekend.
- Sure.
- With me.
- Yeah, I assumed that part.
I'd love to. How about Friday?
That's fight night.
Would Saturday work?
Fight night?
- Do you really like boxing?
- Yes.
- No, really.
- Yes.
Men pulverizing each other.
This entertains you?
John, I'd like you to assist Ally
on the Clint Gil case.
The father's angry. The boy
hit somebody. Anything come to mind?
Bygones?
You're wearing that to class?
It's jeans!
I don't want clay on my suit.
Your sudden interest in sculpting?
Naked men.
That is not true.
One naked man
with a trunk like Dumbo's.
Excuse me?
- I know, this model has a big...
- Nose.
I don't want you to go.
- Pardon?
- You heard me.
Hey! You ready?
- She can't go.
- I can go!
- Georgia!
- Billy, it's a class!
- A big penis, that's why you take it?
- I signed up before I saw it.
Ally?
You okay?
- What do you mean, am I okay?
- You went to a different planet.
- Oh.
- That's where she's from.
You know, I'm gonna just say this
and pretend I didn't.
I am married and off the market,
but if I were single...
...considering life is short...
- Shorter than that?
- I'd ask him out.
- Married people are the bravest.
Life is meant to be the sum total
of different experiences.
- What's the matter?
- I thought I heard something.
Damn it! I cannot do
this guy according to scale.
Gravity keeps screwing it up.
- I gotta go.
- Already?
- I have trial.
- Wait, you were gonna plead out.
Change of strategy. Trial.
Something going on with you?
Well, I'm not sure.
I'm having these hallucinations
or something.
You mean fantasies?
Not fantasies.
They're like hallucinations.
- Oh, yeah, of what?
- Well, it...
I don't know. It...
I better prepare for tomorrow.
- Ally?
- Hey, Clint. You ready?
- My dad's with Mr. Cage.
- Good.
So we're going with the not guilty?
Yep. There are risks,
but we understand them, right?
Right. So, let's do it.
Let's do it.
He's 19. What's wrong with me?
Did you challenge
the defendant, Dwayne?
- No, sir.
- Did you have any dialogue with him?
He told me to leave.
I said this is between me and her.
- Her being your ex-girlfriend?
- Yes, sir.
- The defendant's date that evening?
- Yes, sir.
Let's be honest, you were upset
with Lisa Ryan, weren't you?
Yes, we had just broken up and days
later, she's kissing him at a party.
- Then what?
As I said...
...he told me to back off.
I continued to have words with Lisa.
And he hit me.
You called her a slut?
I was upset.
And didn't Clinton Gil
repeatedly ask you to step back?
He said, "Back off. "
How many times, I don't know.
If you were on a date...
...and a man verbalized your escort...
...calling her a liar,
calling her a slut...
...what would you do?
- Ask him to stop.
Suppose he didn't stop.
Suppose he just kept on.
- I'd walk away.
- And leave her there?
I'd take her.
- So you'd leave?
- Probably.
- So the bully would win out.
- I wasn't a bully.
Does it surprise you
that a woman...
...if called a slut, would appreciate
a little chivalry?
- Objection.
- Overruled.
Your Honor, I'm single, I date.
To think I'm in a situation where
my chastity is impugned...
- Objection.
- Sustained.
Your Honor, I am sorry, I'm...
I find myself troubled.
I'd like to take a moment.
You took a moment. I should
give you a foot rub just for that.
- You'll pay me 50 bucks.
- What did Cage say?
Excuse me. You're in the class.
Oh, tongue burn. Hello.
Hi, I'm one of the models.
Like I didn't know.
Oh, yeah.
You look familiar.
This is Renee.
She's also in the class.
- Hi.
- Hey, how's it hanging?
Okay.
- You look different.
- With clothes on?
Yeah.
- So you guys are lawyers?
- How did you know?
Oh, I could hear you talking.
- I'm sorry, I burned it again.
- Let me see it.
- What?
- Your tongue.
How do I get into these things?
It looks a little scalded.
I could take you for a gimlet
to cool it down.
- I mean, if you feel like it.
- What?
On the rocks.
- You're going out?
- You were for it.
I'm still for it.
Just don't get hurt.
- Hey, what's going on?
- Nothing.
- Ally's dating Long John Silver.
- Elaine.
Look at you all.
Can I ask you something?
Does size matter?
- No.
- No.
- No.
- All I need.
- So bigger is better?
- No.
Of course not.
Schoolgirls.
I'm not opposed to you
taking a moment.
- But I don't want to be ridiculed.
- It was flattery.
I've seen how it works for you,
so that's why I tried it.
- You...
- What?
Nothing.
- Is there anything else?
- One thing. It's not work-related.
There's a rumor that
you're going on a date.
A man of prowess.
It's not my business.
But since you and I are having dinner,
which could be construed as a...
I find the practicing
of dating necessitates...
...a certain measure of dishonesty.
- You do?
- Yes.
People in the throes
of early courtship...
...might be seeing different people.
It's not proper etiquette to reference
those other people while on a date.
And as two people converse,
they talk about their week.
Well, I played squash.
Oh, I tried this case.
These are just examples
of conversation. My point:
You'd choose not to tell me
about other men...
...as I'd omit mention of other women.
These omissions...
...could be considered non-assertive
lies. I wouldn't want that.
We shouldn't hide the fact
that we date other people.
- Fine.
- But, of course...
...should you have other relations,
I don't care to be briefed.
I understand. Ditto.
I'll go and prepare my direct.
I wouldn't worry.
After women marry and have kids,
they don't want a man's penis.
The bigger it is, the more
of him she doesn't want.
- Ever measured yourself?
- Always. Net worth.
- Really, have you ever?
- When I was 13, maybe.
- You?
- Something like that.
Do you ever wonder whether
you're good in bed or not?
- No, I know I'm good.
- How?
Because I'm always satisfied.
Good for me.
Yes!
It's not a breakdown.
- Then why?
- The baby?
Not just a baby, Renee. It dances,
it wiggles, it struts around.
And this fantasy with my client.
He's 19.
- Does he dance?
- No, that's a fantasy.
The baby is a hallucination.
Should I get help?
No, this is just a tick, tick.
- Tick, tick, what?
- Biological clock, it makes sense.
Fantasizing over a kid
in his sexual prime.
You're dating John,
who is husband material.
All the while sculpting a giant...
Renee. And what is that about?
Isn't it disgusting that
I'm curious about a guy...
Do you know how many men have been
interested in my lofty goals?
- It's not the same.
- Why not?
We're women. We have
double standards to live up to.
Biological clock.
He was persistent.
He didn't just say slut.
What else did he say?
He asked how many guys
she'd do that night.
He accused her of cheating.
He was totally out of line.
- And you did what?
- I popped him.
- Think there were other options?
- I didn't think about it.
- You just popped him?
- I felt I should stick up for her.
- That's what you did by popping him.
- Yes.
- He never got physical with you?
- No.
Where were his hands when you swung?
By his side.
By his side?
He never even saw it coming.
I don't know if he saw it.
He certainly had it coming.
- That's why you popped him?
- Yes.
Pick the right round, you win.
I hate boxing!
People trying to kill each other.
They want the other
to lose consciousness.
I don't want in on the pool.
Like boxing?
Friday night is a big fight.
Got twenty bucks?
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Richard wants me in his boxing pool.
- Can you drive if I have a beer?
- I'll drive.
- We could go eat dinner.
- That's fine.
- Do I satisfy you in bed?
What was that last one?
Do I? Sexually? In bed?
- Where did that come from?
- I don't know.
I don't take
anything for granted.
Our giggling. It's bothering you.
No, why would... Well...
Billy.
I am a very satisfied woman.
- Don't you wish I was...
- No!
Of all the things to be insecure
about, that is the least.
Not what I meant.
I am very, very happy...
...in the bed.
Trust me.
Do you swear to tell the truth?
- I do.
- Be seated.
Would you state your name
and occupation?
Dr. John Emburg.
I am a clinical psychologist.
I also teach anthropology
and human behavior.
Counsel?
I have no questions.
You have no questions?
You brought him in as a witness.
I apologize.
- What?
- I know what I'm doing.
You know what you're doing?
- I do.
- An appeal for bad counsel?
- There is an explanation for this.
- What is it?
He likes to be mysterious.
And I think that...
He likes to be mysterious.
I pay a lot of money to your firm.
There's a reason
a big chunk goes to him.
See you tomorrow for the closings.
- John?
- Ally?
- Do you know what you're doing?
- I do.
Ain't it funny how
you're walking through life
And it turns on a dime
A professional snowboarder.
It's not like I make a fortune.
But I get to travel.
- And the modeling?
- Pays a few bills.
Doesn't it bother you to sit there?
I'm only 27. It's a little early
in life to be really bothered.
I'm 27 and everything bothers me.
- Why?
- Why?
We're single with money, healthy.
Lots ahead for us to get upset about.
But now?
We're in toyland now, aren't we?
I would've gone to bed with him.
- Excuse me?
- I would have.
Not that he asked.
- Do you even remember how?
- I keep a journal.
Ah.
So, is this guy potential
"first husband"?
Oh, God, no!
We couldn't have less in common.
Still...
Well, these are certainly horny times.
It has nothing to do
with the size of his shoe.
- I just...
- Just what?
I don't know. He's cute.
He snowboards.
He's leaving the country on Sunday.
Two ships collide in the night.
I probably would have resorted
to my prudy little self.
I might not have.
Maybe it's that 19-year-old.
He's got me in heat.
- I'm sorry.
- Oh, sweetie.
Don't apologize.
I'm surprised that hasn't happened
before. Doesn't that happen?
Not to me.
It's stupid, I know.
Hey, this has nothing to do with you.
I know.
Why are you about to cry?
- I'm happy.
- Happy?
- About what?
- It's stupid.
More stupid than what's with you.
Tell me then.
Stupidity loves company.
The idea of you being
insecure with me...
...instead of me being
insecure with you...
...feels...
...good.
See? It's stupid.
Nothing's ticking in me!
I don't tick!
You hear me?
I know you're in here.
Where are you?
Get out here.
I'm not having any baby.
And you can't make me
think I want you.
Nothing's ticking,
and I don't want you!
- Hi.
- What is it?
I'm trying to catch that baby!
He's running.
- Trying to catch him?
- Yes.
- But it's not real.
- So?
If I catch him in my imagination,
I can make him go away.
Since that's where he lives,
that'll solve the problem.
I'm not the first
to confront a demon.
But you are the first to try a tackle.
Okay, maybe it's not a demon.
Just say, "Hey, baby. "
- And go with it.
- Go with it?
This is about your guilt
about wanting that model.
It is not.
Stop claiming to know me!
This is your inhibition raising
its ugly head, keeping me awake!
Go with Glenn. Go with life.
And go to sleep!
Do I look good or what?
- Look at my ass.
- I'd love to, but I'm late.
I'll be gone. Will I miss anything?
Well, if you do, I will
let you read my journal.
- Have fun.
- Break a leg.
Oh, you too.
The victim never raised a finger.
The defendant said...
...Dwayne's hands were at his side
when Clint swung...
...breaking Dwayne Stokes' cheekbone,
crushing the side of his face.
This society doesn't
condone violence.
Or does it?
The defendant didn't like
what was said...
...so he attacked a man.
Those facts are indisputable.
The only question today...
...is do we tolerate that?
What was he to do? The man
was verbally assaulting his date.
He could've responded,
espousing sticks and stones...
...or walked away.
Remember I was about to put
a psychologist on the stand?
I intended to introduce evidence
about human behavior.
I tell you, as I looked
at this doctor, I thought:
Does this jury need a specialist
to teach them human nature?
Because that's what happened
at this party. Human nature.
Man, any man, is part warrior.
Certainly we've evolved,
we have ties, cell phones.
But there are primal qualities
that will always be there.
When I was 13 years old, I stood
in line at a movie theater...
...when another boy
cut in front of me.
He said, "What are you
gonna do about it?"
Well, I did nothing.
And that haunted me.
I went on to become valedictorian.
I've accomplished a lot.
But when I would define myself,
what was always there...
Was I was a kid who was
afraid to stick up for myself.
Three years ago, I was at a bar
on Causeway Street.
It was after a disappointing
Celtics game. That isn't relevant.
A man bumped my shoulder
heading for the mens' room.
He was at fault.
He also had wider shoulders.
And he said, "Idiot. "
I said, "Excuse me?"
And he repeated, "Idiot. "
He said, "Got a problem?"
I said, "Yes, I do have a problem. "
He said, "Maybe you need space. "
He pushed me.
Then he became the boy
at that movie theater.
And I pushed him back.
He came forward. I knew...
...this was to be a fight.
My first fight.
I raised my right hand.
My father told me
about planting my foot.
I planted it against a table leg.
As he got close, I threw
my punch. I hit him!
Right on the jaw. He went down.
He didn't get up.
He just laid there,
just holding his jaw.
And I stood over him.
Well, I've had my successes
as a lawyer.
I've performed public services
bringing me great gratification.
But as a man, medieval as this
may sound, as a man...
...the most satisfying moment
of my life was that punch.
Is that noble? I'm sure not.
Am I embarrassed? Yes.
But is it a fundamental truth? Yes.
A truth of man's human nature.
I'm not here to condone violence.
But when a man attacks another
man's date with vulgarity...
...what is he to do?
Go back to that room
and admit a truth to yourselves:
You're glad he threw that punch.
- How did it go?
- Jury's still out...
...but his closing
speech was his best ever.
- Fabulous.
- Even the kid's father is happy.
We agreed we won't smoke
the stink sticks here.
Fight night. Exception.
Tonight they'll have
all three heavyweight belts.
Gee, nobody told me that.
Please come, dilute all the fun.
- I actually have a...
- You may say it.
Date. I have a date.
They have a verdict.
- Now?
- Let's go.
This is a good sign.
It has to be.
I'm fine.
- What is it you see?
- Excuse me?
You see something.
Oh, well, sometimes
I imagine seeing...
...a baby.
A baby?
It dances.
I don't know what it means.
I'll have to whip out Freud.
I had a therapist who said
to confront them.
- Dancing babies?
- No, hallucinations, dreams.
My dead aunt kept wanting
to have tea with me.
It was two years
before I stopped her.
- How?
- I had tea with her.
Will the defendant please rise?
You've reached your verdict?
- Yes.
- What say you?
On the charge of 62321,
misdemeanor battery...
...we find the defendant,
Clinton Gil, not guilty.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Gonna dance, gonna dance all night
Gonna dance, gonna dance all night
I could have danced all night
I could have danced all night
And still have begged for more
I guess this was a victory
for Cro-Magnon mankind.
Maybe Renee's right.
I should just go with it.
I'd never done before
I'll never know what made it so
exciting
Why all at once my heart took flight
With both fighters in the
ring, it's electric.
People have waited
a long time for this.
I feel it.
The truth is, and I'm only
admitting this since you're leaving:
I understand.
If I were that girl at a party...
...and some guy came
and said those things...
...I'd want my date
to rip his head off.
You would?
I wouldn't ask him to, and I would
get mad if he did fight.
But if he just walked away...
...as dignified as that may be...
...I would probably
be a little disappointed.
Here we are. The bout...
Gotta get him early.
Long fight. Long fight.
I believe I have Round 1.
- So do you play?
- I'm learning.
- Do you play? You probably do.
- Just "Heart and Soul. "
- Top.
- Bottom.
Okay.
Somebody kill somebody.
Preferably in the first round.
- We're good.
- We are.
Can you take it slower?
Let's see.
Stay out of the corner!
- Stay in it.
Take him out! You got him!
Take him out!
Below the belt, hit him!
- Hit him like a man!
- Somebody hurt him!
Somebody hurt him now!
Ten! You're out!
...expected a much longer
fight tonight.
It was over so fast.
Good day for the Biscuit.
Yes, indeed.
I never imagined myself
ever wanting to make love...
...and not wanting to wake up to him.
He knew too.
He knew it from the start.
All right, come on out.
I'm not afraid,
just come right on out.
If John can drink tea
with his aunt, I can dance.
Get your cherubic ass out here.
All right, Mr. Huggy,
you want to dance? Let's go.
You stinker!
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