'Allo 'Allo (1982–1992): Season 5, Episode 5 - Enter Denise - full transcript

( theme music playing )

I SUSPECT THAT THIS MEAT
THAT I AM TRYING TO EAT

PASSED THE WINNING POST
AT LONGCHAMPS

SOME TIME AGO--

PROBABLY IN LAST PLACE.

THIS ILL-FITTING UNIFORM
THAT I AM WEARING

HAS LANDED ME
IN SERIOUS TROUBLE.

I PUT IT ON
TO ESCAPE THE GERMANS

ONLY TO TO BE CAPTURED

BY THE FANATICAL
COMMUNIST RESISTANCE.

"WHY DO YOU NOT
TELL THEM



THAT YOU ARE THE WELL-KNOWN
AND JOLLY CAFE OWNER

RENE ARTOIS?"
I HEAR YOU SAY.

BECAUSE MY FRIENDS,

THEY THINK THAT RENE ARTOIS
IS A COLLABORATOR

AND HE IS ON
THEIR HIT LIST.

AND VERY NEAR THE TOP.

SHUT UP.

THIS OLD FORGER
AND SAFEBREAKER

AND INCOMPETENT
PIANIST

IS ALSO,
YOU WILL NOTE,

DISGUISED AS
A GERMAN OFFICER.

BUT HE IS EVEN
LESS CONVINCING THAN I AM.

MAY I NOW HAVE
THE FORK, PLEASE?

I WOULD LIKE
TO EAT MY PEAS.



USE YOUR KNIFE,
LIKE YOU USUALLY DO.

LOOK OUT,
SOMEBODY IS COMING.

NOW TO BUSINESS.

TIE HIS OTHER HAND
TO THE PILLAR.

WHAT?

BUT--

LOOK, IF THIS IS GOING
TO TAKE LONG,

WOULD YOU PUT THAT FOOD
BACK IN THE OVEN?

THERE IS NOTHING WORSE
THAN COLD HORSE.

PREPARE HIS BACK.

WHAT?

( jacket rips )

IF YOU HAD ASKED,
I WOULD HAVE TAKEN IT OFF.

YOU CAN DROP
THE PHONY FRENCH ACCENT,

VON SMITTELHOFFEN.

A GERMAN LIEUTENANT MUST HAVE
MUCH INFORMATION FOR US.

I KNOW ABSOLUTELY NOTHING
OF ANY USE TO YOU.

YOU WILL REVEAL EVERYTHING.

WELL, WE ARE HALF-WAY
THERE ALREADY.

MA'AMSELLE LAROQUE WAS
FORMERLY A LION TAMER.

LAROQUE?

LAROQUE, THAT NAME
RINGS A BELL.

ARE YOU ONE OF
THE NANCY LAROQUES?

YOU CLEARLY KNOW
MORE ABOUT ME

THAN IS
GOOD FOR YOU.

ARE YOU
IN THE GESTAPO?

NO, NO,
DEFINITELY NOT--

AND IF I MAY SAY SO,
MY FRIEND OVER THERE

WHO IS VERY OLD AND FRAIL,

AND SUFFERING FROM
A SEVERE HIATUS HERNIA,

FINDS THIS WHOLE INTERVIEW
MOST DISTRESSING.

GOOD.

WE WILL BEAT YOU
TILL HE TALKS.

BEAT AWAY,
I WILL NOT TALK.

I WILL NOT BESMIRCH THE HONOR
OF THE VON BECKSTEINS.

HEIL HITLER.

THANK YOU,
ERICH VON STROHEIM.

NOW, VON SMITTELHOFFEN,

IF YOU WISH TO SAVE YOURSELF
A LOT OF PAIN,

YOU WILL TELL US THE DATE
OF THE GERMAN INVASION OF ENGLAND.

NO, NO, NO, NO.
DO NOT TELL THEM.

WELL, HITLER KEEPS
THESE THINGS TO HIMSELF.

YOU KNOW HITLER.
YOU KNOW HOW HE IS.

BUT I DID HEAR
SOMEONE MENTION

THE SECOND SUNDAY
IN EPIPHANY.

WAIT A MINUTE--

WHAT IS THIS MARK
ON YOUR RIGHT SHOULDER?

OH I'M GLAD
YOU ASKED ME ABOUT THAT--

IT IS A BIRTHMARK.

I WAS BORN IN A SNOWSTORM.

THE DOCTOR COULD NOT
COME OUT, HE HAD ASIAN FLU.

SO MADAME TRICONFORT,

WHO WAS MY MOTHER'S
HOME HELP AT THE TIME,

ASSISTED AT
THE CONFINEMENT.

SHE USED THE TONGS
THAT WERE IN THE COAL BUCKET.

THAT IS HOW
I GOT THIS BIRTHMARK.

WHAT IS THE NEXT QUESTION?

IT IS
A PERFECT GOOSEBERRY.

IT EVEN HAS
THE LITTLE HAIRS ON IT.

I HAVE SEEN THIS BEFORE.

IT WAS ON THE SHOULDER
OF MY CHILDHOOD SWEETHEART.

( romantic music plays )

IT WAS A HOT AUGUST DAY,
ON A RIVERBANK IN NANCY.

THE SCENT OF THE FLOWERS
IN THE FIELDS

FILLED THE AIR
THAT WE BREATHED.

HE WAS FISHING.

I SAT BESIDE HIM.

HE LET ME HOLD
HIS WORMS.

WE KISSED A GENTLE KISS,

AND THE ICE CREAM
THAT I WAS HOLDING MELTED ON HIS SHIRT.

CHOCOLATE RIPPLE.

CORRECT.

HE REMOVED HIS SHIRT

TO CLEANSE IT
IN THE BUBBLING STREAM,

AND FOR THE FIRST TIME,
I SAW THE MARK--

THIS MARK.

BUT HIS NAME WAS
RENE ARTOIS.

- MY NAME IS RENE ARTOIS!
- ( music ends )

I CANNOT BELIEVE IT.

TELL HER, TELL HER
I AM RENE ARTOIS.

I AM SAYING NOTHING.

LONG LIVE
THE THIRD REICH.

- HEIL HITLER.
- SHUT UP.

ARE YOU SURE IT IS HIM?

WE VOWED TO LOVE EACH OTHER
TILL THE END OF TIME.

AND THEN,
ON THAT WARM RIVERBANK,

HE TOOK MY MOST
TREASURED POSSESSION,

MY MEDAL FOR GYMNASTICS.

HE BROKE IT IN HALF.

I STILL HAVE MY HALF.

AND I HAVE MINE.

OH! SEE, IT FITS.

RENE!

BARBARA.

DENISE.

DENISE, I'M SORRY.

DESTINY HAS DRAWN
US TOGETHER.

I WILL NEVER
LET YOU GO AGAIN.

IN THIS POSITION,

THIS IS NOT
VERY GOOD NEWS.

WHO IS IN THERE?
WHO IS DRIVING?

WHO HAS DAMAGED
MY LITTLE TANK?

CLARENCE,

COME OUT OF THAT TANK
AT ONCE.

ARE YOU THE DROVER
OF THIS TINK?

OF COURSE NOT,
YOU FOOL!

I AM OUTSIDE IT,
AM I NOT?

CLARENCE, COME OUT!

SHOW YOURSELF.

GOOD MORNING, LIEUTENANT.

MADAME EDITH.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING
IN MY LITTLE TANK?

I THINK SOMETHING
BACKED INTO ME.

A WOMAN DROVER.

I MIGHT HAVE GOOSED.

MADAME EDITH,
PUBLIC CONVENIENCES

DO NOT BACK
INTO PEOPLE.

AND UNAUTHORIZED PEASANTS

ARE FORBIDDEN
FROM ENTERING GERMAN TANKS.

WE JUST POPPED IN
TO LOOK AT YOUR CONTROLS.

WE MUST HAVE PRESSED
A BUTTON.

I HAVE A KNIFE.
I WILL KILL HIM.

KEEP TALKING WHILE
I CREEP ROUND BEHIND HIM.

STAY WHERE YOU ARE.

OH, I AM SO SORRY.

IT IS NOT TOO BAD.

I WILL GET IT
PAINTED FOR YOU,

IF YOU LET ME HAVE IT
FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS.

WHAT ABOUT THE POSSOIR?
IT IS AN ABSOLUTE SHIMBLES.

I CANNOT THINK
WHAT POSSESSED YOU,

MADAME EDITH.

LIEUTENANT,
I HAVE TO CONFESS,

I WAS ON MY WAY
TO RESCUE RENE.

RENE? WHERE IS HE?

HE HAS BEEN CAPTURED
BY THE COMMUNIST RESISTANCE.

THE COMMUNIST RESISTANCE?

THEY ARE RUTHLESS.

THEY THINK HE IS
A COLLABORATOR.

HE IS ON
THEIR HIT LIST.

Gruber:
OH DEAR.

RENE,
MY FRIEND.

THIS IS TERRIBLE.

I WILL TAKE
FULL RESPONSIBILITY

FOR THIS OCCURRENCE,
OFFICER.

AND WHO IS GOING TO PEE
FOR THE POSSOIR?

I AM FULLY
COMPREHENSIVE.

SEND THE BILL
TO BERLIN.

IS THERE ANYBODY THERE?

THERE'S NOBODY ABOUT,
CARSTAIRS.

THE PLACE LOOKS
LIKE THE MARIE CELESTE.

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD
A CLASSICAL EDUCATION.

I SAW THE FILM.

I'M FED UP WITH
BEING COOPED UP IN THAT DAMN CUPBOARD.

LET'S HAVE A DRINK.

I DON'T KNOW WHETHER
YOU'VE NOTICED,

BUT THOSE FROGGIES
AREN'T DOING MUCH

ABOUT GETTING US HOME.

SAY WHEN.

WHEN.

YOU KNOW,

I'VE BEEN SCRATCHING
THE OLD BRAIN BOX.

STEADY ON.

WHY DON'T WE GO OUT,

FIND A JERRY,

GIVE OURSELVES UP,

AND GET INTO A PROPER
PRISONER OF WAR CAMP?

YES.

AT LEAST WE'D GET
LETTERS FROM HOME.

AND RED CROSS PARCELS.

AND THEY HAVE A PROPER
ESCAPE COMMITTEE

RUN BY PROFESSIONALS.

WE'D PROBABLY GET A DECENT
CUP OF TEA, AS WELL.

AND THEY PUT ON PLAYS
AND THINGS.

THAT'S RIGHT, YES.

I ALWAYS FANCIED
PLAYING HEATHCLIFF IN "WUTHERING HEIGHTS."

YES.

YOU WOULDN'T BE BAD.

MIND YOU,
THEY DON'T HAVE GIRLS.

YOU'D PROBABLY HAVE TO
SHAVE OFF YOUR MUSTACHE

AND PLAY CATHY.

CUSTOMERS.
QUICK, ATTEND TO THEM.

Edith:
GIVE THEM A DRINK.

OH, IT IS
THE BRITISH AIRMEN!

WHAT ARE THEY DOING
DOWN HERE?

YOU SHOULD BE UPSTAIRS,
IN THE CUPBOARD.

WHAT'S SHE
GOING ON ABOUT?

I THINK SHE WANTS
TO TAKE YOU UPSTAIRS

AND RIP HER
BLOUSE OPEN.

SHE LOOKS A BIT DESPERATE.

LOOK OUT, THERE ARE
TWO GERMANS COMING.

I WILL SMASH THEM
OVER THE HEAD

AND HIDE THEIR BODIES
IN THE CELLAR.

PUT IT DOWN.

COME IN, WELCOME.

WE HAVE A TABLE FOR YOU
BY THE WINDOW.

SHALL WE SURRENDER
TO THEM?

GOOD HEAVENS, NO.

WE'RE OFFICERS,
THEY'RE PRIVATES.

WE SHOULD ONLY
GIVE OURSELVES UP

TO OFFICERS.

THIS ONE REALLY IS KEEN,
ISN'T SHE?

SORRY, OLD GIRL,
SOME OTHER TIME.

GO-Y WALKIE,

FIND-Y JERRY.

GIVE-Y UPPY.

SHE'S NOT CHINESE,
YOU KNOW.

COME ON, CARSTAIRS.

QUICK.
FIND OFFICER CRABTREE,

HE SPEAKS
THEIR LANGUAGE.

HE CERTAINLY DOESN'T
SPEAK OURS.

HOW DARE YOU TRY TO BLUFF
A SENIOR GESTAPO OFFICER

WITH A PAIR OF TENS.

I HAVE WON.

AM I ALLOWED TO SEE
YOUR HAND, HERR FLICK?

NO, YOU HAVE LOST.

I GET YOUR GESTAPO
PEN AND PENCIL SET.

HELGA.

I AM HERE TO REPORT
IN ACCORDANCE

WITH YOUR ORDERS,
HERR FLICK.

FIRST, YOU MAY KISS ME.

VON SMALLHAUSEN,
PULL DOWN YOUR BANDAGES.

OOH, THAT SOUNDED
LIKE A REAL SMACKER.

GET OUT.

WAS THAT KISS SATISFACTORY,
HERR FLICK?

NO. YOU SMELL
OF DIESEL.

LIEUTENANT GRUBER
GAVE ME A RIDE

IN HIS LITTLE TANK.

SIT.

DID YOU GAIN
ANY INFORMATION

ABOUT THE PLOT
TO BLOW UP HITLER?

NO, BUT I AM
MAKING PROGRESS.

HE ALLOWED ME TO MANIPULATE
HIS GEARS FROM THIRD TO TOP.

THIS, I AM INFORMED BY
LIEUTENANT GRUBER,

IS A RARE PRIVILEGE.

THIS IS GOOD.
WHAT ELSE?

HE ALSO DEMONSTRATED
TO ME HIS GUN,

BUT WHILST SHOWING ME HOW
TO PUT ONE UP THE SPOUT,

HE CAUGHT HIS FINGERS
IN THE BREECH-BLOCK.

IT IS A DANGEROUS
MECHANISM,

AND RESULTS IN MANY
PAINFUL ACCIDENTS.

DO YOU HAVE TIME FOR
OUR USUAL GAME OF POKER?

- OF COURSE.
- SHALL I DEAL?

WHY BOTHER?

NOW THAT I KNOW
YOU ARE A CLOSE FRIEND

OF THE BRAVEST MAN
IN FRANCE,

I SHOULD GIVE MYSELF
TO YOU.

HEH HEH HEH.

UNFORTUNATELY,
I HAVE TO BLOW UP A TRAIN,

THE 12:30 EXPRESS
FROM PARIS.

COULD YOU NOT WAIT

FOR THE GOODS TRAIN
AT 4:15?

UNTIL THE NEXT TIME.

I CANNOT EVEN REMEMBER
THE FIRST TIME.

RENE,
WHAT HAPPENED?

THE MARK OF
THE HAIRY GOOSEBERRY

HAS SAVED OUR LIVES.

I WAS ABLE TO
EXPLAIN TO THEM

ALL MY BRAVE EXPLOITS
THAT I CARRIED OUT

UNDER THE GUISE OF
A COWARDLY CAFE OWNER.

SO WE ARE IN THE CLEAR.

LET'S GET BACK TO THE CAFE.

UNFORTUNATELY, SHE HAS
DECIDED THAT I AM HER DESTINY

AND SHE WILL NOT
LET US GO.

WHY DO YOU WORRY?

SHE IS
AN INTELLIGENT WOMAN,

WITH BEAUTIFUL BOOBIES.

BUT THINK OF THE LIFE
I WOULD HAVE TO LEAD--

BLOWING UP BRIDGES
AND TRAINS,

DODGING BULLETS,
SLEEPING IN HEDGES,

LIVING IN DITCHES.

THIS IS NO LIFE
FOR A COWARD.

ESPECIALLY ONE
WITH A GOOD BUSINESS.

COME ON, LET'S GO.

THE WELFARE COMMITTEE
OF THE COMMUNIST RESISTANCE,

OF WHICH I AM
THE CHAIRPERSON,

HAS HAD A MEETING.

BY A SHOW OF DAGGERS
WE HAVE DECIDED

THAT I WILL BE ALLOWED
TO MARRY YOU,

AND THE WEDDING
CAN TAKE PLACE ON SATURDAY.

OH, THAT IS GOOD NEWS.

WE WILL COMMANDEER
THE CHURCH OF SAINT PAUL

IN THE RUE DE VALLEE.

WE WILL KIDNAP
THE PRIEST,

AND WE WILL BREAK INTO

THE DRESS SHOP
OF MADAME LENARE,

AND STEAL
THE WEDDING DRESS

WHICH IS DISPLAYED
IN HER WINDOW.

FOR YOU, A MORNING SUIT
AND TOP HAT

WILL BE ACQUIRED
BY FORCING THE BACK DOOR

OF THE 500 FRANC TAILORS
IN THE HIGH STREET.

I SEE ALL THE NORMAL
ARRANGEMENTS HAVE BEEN MADE.

WHO IS DOING THE CATERING?

OR WILL IT JUST BE
SANDWICHES ON THE RUN?

I CAN HARDLY WAIT UNTIL
THE MOMENT WHEN WE ARE ONE.

LOOK, DENISE,
PERHAPS I HAD BETTER GO HOME.

IT WOULD BE UNLUCKY FOR ME
TO SEE YOU IN THAT WEDDING DRESS,

PARTICULARLY IN VIEW OF
THE WAY YOU ARE ACQUIRING IT.

PERHAPS YOU ARE RIGHT.

AND IF YOU WERE HERE,

THE BONDS OF MY SELF CONTROL
WOULD SURELY BURST,

AND I WOULD
THROW MYSELF UPON YOU

AS IF I WERE
ONE OF THE CAGED LIONS

THAT I USED TO TRAIN.

YES, WELL, THERE IS
THAT AS WELL.

NOW LOOK, YOU HAVE
A GOOD WEEK,

BLOWING THINGS UP,

AND I WILL SEE YOU
AT THE CHURCH ON SATURDAY.

IT WILL BE SO.

UNTIL THEN.
( growls )

OH, YES.
( growls )

SHE'S VERY KEEN.

SHE IS DEMENTED
ABOUT YOU.

SURELY, THERE MUST BE
SOMEBODY ELSE

THAT SHE FANCIES?

THERE WAS BUT ONE MAN
IN HER LIFE,

AND HE LET HER DOWN.

HE WAS DEAD
AS HE HIT THE GROUND.

HEART ATTACK?

SHE THREW HIM OFF
THE EIFFEL TOWER.

THAT IS ENOUGH
TO GIVE ANYBODY A HEART ATTACK.

SEE YOU SATURDAY.

GOOD MORNING.

IT'S THAT UNDERTAKER CHAPPIE
GOING TO THE CAFE.

Fairfax:
I HOPE THE OLD GIRL HASN'T SNUFFED IT.

AT LEAST IF SHE HAS,
WE GET A BED.

I'M NOT SHARING
WITH YOU AGAIN.

WE'LL TAKE IT
IN TURNS.

ANYWAY, WE'RE GOING TO
GIVE OURSELVES UP,

SO IT DOESN'T APPLY.

MY, MY. THOSE PEACHES
LOOK MOST APPETIZING.

WE WILL HAVE TWO.

HOW MUCH IS THAT?

DO NOT PAY.

WE ARE THE CONQUERORS.

IF WE WISH TO CONSUME
A COUPLE OF PEACHES,

WE MAY DO SO.

GO AWAY!

YOU ARE FAR TOO LENIENT
WITH THESE PEASANTS.

YES, GENERAL.

I WILL BE MORE STERN
IN FUTURE.

GOOD.

WE ARE IN DANGER
OF BECOMING A LAUGHING STOCK.

I AGREE.

THE FRENCH ARE BECOMING
VERY CHEEKY.

PUTTING SMOKE BOMBS
DOWN MY CHIMNEY

IS MORE THAN CHEEKY,
COLONEL.

YOU ARE TOO EASY-GOING.
YOU MUST BE

MUCH MORE SEVERE WITH THEM.
IS THIS UNDERSTOOD?

- YES, GENERAL.
- GOOD.

LET IT BE DONE.

HERE COME SOME
JERRY OFFICERS. SHALL WE DO IT?

YES, LET'S.

EXCUSE ME.

WE'RE BRITISH AIRMEN.

WE WISH TO SURRENDER.

IMPERTINENT PEASANTS!

YOU ARE BEING
VERY CHEEKY.

OOH, AH, OW!

I SAY, STEADY ON,
THAT HURTS.

THAT WAS EXCELLENT.

THAT WILL TEACH THEM.

OH!

MAKE A NOTE OF HIS NUMBER
AND WE'LL REPORT HIM

TO THE GENEVA CONVENTION.

Carstairs:
I SAY, LOOK, THERE'S THE ITAI OFFICER.

WHAT'S ITAI FOR
"I SURRENDER"?

MOST OF THOSE
ICE CREAM SELLERS

SPEAK A BIT OF ENGLISH.
COME ON.

WE, BRITISH.

SURRENDER, SURRENDER.

DON'T SHOOT,
IT'S A FAIR COP.

WHAT DO WE DO NOW?

WALK THE OTHER WAY.

MAMMA,

MONSIEUR ALPHONSE,
THE UNDERTAKER,

IS HERE TO PAY HIS RESPECTS.

I AM 5'2".
TELL HIM TO GO AWAY.

DEAR MADAME FANNY,

I BRING FLOWERS TO
THE BEAUTIFUL LADY

WHO MAY, PRAY GOD,

SOON BE
MY MOTHER-IN-LAW.

WHAT IS HE SAYING?

HAS RENE KICKED THE BUCKET?

WE DO NOT KNOW, MAMMA,
BUT IT IS POSSIBLE.

THE COMMUNISTS HAVE HIM,
AND HE IS ON THEIR HIT LIST.

BETTER DEAD THAN RED.

IN ANTICIPATION
OF THIS DISTRESSING NEWS,

I HAVE THE HONOR

TO ASK FOR
YOUR DAUGHTER'S HAND

IN WEDLOCK.

OH!

WHAT WILL
BECOME OF ME?

THERE IS A GRANNY ANNEX
OVER THE MORTUARY.

PERMISSION NOT GRANTED.

YOU MAY LIVE HERE,
OR ANYWHERE YOU WANT.

WHAT WOULD
SATISFY YOU?

A COTTAGE WITH ROSES
AROUND THE DOOR,

A PERSONAL SERVANT

AND A HANDSOME CHAUFFEUR

TO PUSH MY WHEELCHAIR.

YOU DRIVE
A HARD BARGAIN,

BUT I AGREE
TO YOUR TERMS.

OH, WELL,
YOU HAVE MY PERMISSION.

OH, THANK YOU, MAMMA.

WE WILL LAY
THE FIRST BRICK

IMMEDIATELY THE WAR
IS OVER.

NO, NO, NO, NO.

THE FOUNDATIONS
MUST BE LAID

IMMEDIATELY
AFTER THE WEDDING.

GETTING LAID
AFTER THE WAR

WILL BE NO GOOD TO ME.

I AGREE.

YVETTE.

RENE.

BACK FROM THE DEAD.

I THOUGHT YOU
WOULD NEVER AGAIN

WALK THROUGH
THAT DOOR.

ME, TOO.

OH, RENE,
HOLD ME,

CRUSH ME IN YOUR
VICE-LIKE GRIP.

- OH.
- OH.

OH, HOW I HAVE MISSED

THE SMELL OF GARLIC
AND HAIR OIL.

OH, PROMISE ME

YOU WILL NEVER
LEAVE ME AGAIN.

WELL, I AM CERTAINLY
AVAILABLE UNTIL SATURDAY.

WHERE IS EDITH?

SHE'S UPSTAIRS WITH
YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW.

TELL HER I HAVE
RETURNED FROM THE GRAVE.

RENE, WILL YOU
TELL HER TODAY

THAT WE PLAN
TO MARRY?

I WILL TELL HER THAT THERE ARE
MARRIAGE PLANS AFOOT.

NOW GO QUICKLY.

RENE.

MIMI.

IS THIS A GHOST
I SEE BEFORE ME,

OR JUST A FIGMENT
OF MY TORTURED MIND?

NO, IT IS YOUR OWN
LOVABLE RENE.

AH.

LET MY LIPS
FIND YOUR LIPS.

LET MY ARMS
FIND YOUR ARMS.

LET MY HEART BEAT
IN TIME WITH YOUR HEART.

WELL, THIS
MAY NOT BE EASY,

BUT WE CAN PRACTICE.

I CANNOT HEAR
YOUR HEART AT ALL.

YOU ARE LISTENING
TO MY APPENDIX.

THANK YOU
FOR YOUR BLESSING, MAMMA.

DO IT QUICKLY, MY CHILDREN.

WE INTEND TO.

GOOD, GOOD.

I WAS YOUNG AND IMPETUOUS
AT YOUR AGE.

AND IT LASTED UNTIL
I WAS--

NEARLY HIS AGE.

EDITH, RENE--
HE IS DOWN BELOW.

I AM NOT SURPRISED,

HE IS NOT THE TYPE
TO GO TO HEAVEN.

NO, HE HAS BEEN
RELEASED UNHARMED.

DRAT.

MONSIEUR ALPHONSE
IS OVERCOME

- BY THE GOOD NEWS.
- IT IS MY DICKY TICKER.

QUICK ON THE BED
WITH HIM.

AAAHHH!

SO, I TURN MY BACK
FOR ONE MINUTE,

AND THIS IS
WHAT HAPPENS.

DO YOU NOT REALIZE YOU CAN
BE SEEN FROM THE BELFRY OF THE CHURCH

BY THE VERGER WHEN HE IS
OILING HIS MECHANISM?

HE HAS
A DICKY TICKER.

IN BED WITH YOUR MOTHER,
I AM NOT SURPRISED.

FORGIVE ME, MONSIEUR,

IT WAS THE SHOCK.

I AM NOW
FULLY RECOVERED.

GOOD.
EDITH, SIT DOWN.

NOW, EDITH, WHAT I AM
ABOUT TO SAY TO YOU

MAY COME AS A SURPRISE.

IT HAS BEEN ARRANGED
FOR ME TO MARRY

AT THE CHURCH
OF SAINT PAUL,

IN THE RUE DE VALLEE,

NEXT SATURDAY MORNING.

OH, RENE.

AH.

EDITH, THE PERSON
THAT I AM TO MARRY,

MY BRIDE TO BE--

THIS IS NOT
EASY FOR ME TO SAY.

BE KIND, RENE.

I WILL LEAVE
THE ROOM.

DO NOT WORRY, RENE,
MY DEAREST HEART,

WORDS ARE NOT
NECESSARY.

THIS IS THE MOMENT
I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR,

FOR WHAT SEEMS
LIKE A LIFETIME,

BUT IS IN FACT,
NINE AND A HALF WEEKS.

EDITH, DO NOT MAKE THIS
DIFFICULT FOR ME.

UNDER THREAT OF DEATH,
I HAVE TO MARRY

THE HEAD OF
THE COMMUNIST RESISTANCE.

YOU HAVE TO MARRY

THE HEAD OF
THE COMMUNIST RESISTANCE?

EDWARD "SCARFACE" SABLON?

NO, HE IS THE PARIS BRANCH.

I AM TALKING ABOUT
THE NOUVION WEST SUB-AREA.

THEY ARE AFFILIATED
TO PARIS,

BUT THEY WORK
INDEPENDENTLY.

PARDON ME, BUT WILL YOU
COME TO THE POINT?

WHO ARE YOU
GOING TO MARRY?

I AM TO WED
DENISE LAROQUE.

NO.

NO.

YES.

IF I DO NOT DO THIS
TERRIBLE THING,

I AM A DEAD DUCK.

NO MAN HAS EVER SAID NO
TO DENISE LAROQUE AND LIVED.

AH!

MY DICKY TICKER.

MADAME EDITH,

MADAME, DO NOT
DISTRESS YOURSELF.

AH!

DO YOU NOT SEE--

ALL OF OUR DREAMS
CAN NOW BE FULFILLED.

AH!

OH, I SEE YOU HAVE
TOLD HER

THAT YOU ARE
TO MARRY ME.

DO NOT WORRY,
MADAME EDITH,

I WILL MAKE HIM
A WONDERFUL WIFE.

WHAT?

YOU!

RENE,

WHAT HAVE YOU GOT
TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?

OH, MY DICKY TICKER!

( theme music playing )