'Allo 'Allo (1982–1992): Season 5, Episode 3 - Dinner with the General - full transcript

( low rumble;
theme music playing )

( explosion )

( explosion )

IN CASE YOU ARE WONDERING
WHAT IS HAPPENING,

I WILL TELL YOU.

THE BRITISH, NOT CONTENT
WITH RUNNING AWAY

AND LEAVING US FLAT
AT DUNKIRK,

HAVE NOW SENT THE R.A.F.
TO BOMB US.

IF ONLY THEY KNEW THAT
I HAVE IN MY POCKET

A POTATO,
CONTAINING A CAMERA,

CONTAINING A PICTURE
OF A SAFE,



CONTAINING THE PLANS FOR
THE GERMAN INVASION OF ENGLAND,

THEY WOULD PROBABLY TRY
NOT TO HIT ME.

( explosion )

UNFORTUNATELY,
THEY DO NOT KNOW THIS.

PERHAPS I SHOULD TRY
TO SIGNAL THEM WITH MY TORCH.

PUT OUT THAT LIT
OR YOU WILL BE

SHAT ON THE SPIT.

OFFICER CRABTREE,
CAN YOU NOT EXPLAIN TO YOUR ENGLISH FRIENDS

THAT WE ARE ON
THEIR SIDE?

IF I AM KILLED,

IT WILL BE THE END
OF THE RESISTANCE

IN THIS PART
OF FRANCE.

CERTAINLY
IN THIS DOORWAY.

YOU SHOULD BE GRATEFUL
THAT THE R.A.F. BUMMERS



ARE STILL FARTING
FOR FREEDOM.

( distant explosions )

HELLO?

HELLO.

GET ME COLONEL VON STROHM,
IMMEDIATELY.

( phone ringing )

HELLO?

HELLO, GENERAL.

WHERE ARE YOU?

I AM ON MY BALCONY
WITH MY BINOCULARS,

DIRECTING
THE ANTIAIRCRAFT FIRE.

EXCELLENT.

ARE YOU SAFE, GENERAL?

I AM UP ON THE ROOF
OF THE CHATEAU

MANNING A MACHINE GUN.

BE CAREFUL, GENERAL.

WE CAN'T AFFORD TO LOSE YOU.

I AM WELL AWARE OF THIS.

( whimpering )

COLONEL,

WHAT ARE YOU DOING
HIDING UNDER THE TABLE?

IT'S THE GENERAL.

WHAT A MISTAKE TO MAKE.

DID I HEAR,
"HIDING UNDER THE TABLE"?

NO, YOU HEARD, "I'M FIGHTING
UNTIL I'M DISABLED."

I SAY, CARSTAIRS,

THAT PLANE
IN THE SEARCHLIGHT,

IT'S A WELLINGTON,
ISN'T IT?

YES. IT'S PROBABLY
OLD GINGER METCALFE.

HA HA! WELL DONE,
GINGER!

BASH ON!

DOESN'T IT MAKE YOU
WANT TO BE UP THERE?

NO, NOT REALLY.

YOU HAVE BEEN HERE 24 HOURS,

AND HAVE REPLIED TO
NONE OF MY QUESTIONS.

THIS IS BECAUSE I DO NOT KNOW
THE ANSWERS, HERR FLICK.

THEY ALL SAY THAT.

I WILL TRY
MORE EXTREME METHODS.

VON SMALLHAUSEN,
CONNECT THE ELECTRICITY.

YES, HERR FLICK.

THIS FAN REVOLVES
AT EXACTLY THE SPEED

OF THE ALPHA RHYTHMS
OF THE BRAIN,

CAUSING A HYPNOTIC EFFECT.

YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE
TO RESIST ANSWERING TRUTHFULLY

ALL MY QUESTIONS.

( rumbling )

NOW,

WHAT IS YOUR REAL NAME?

BOBBY CEDRIC
VON SMALLHAUSEN.

GET OUT!

I WILL REPEAT THE QUESTION.

WHAT IS YOUR NAME, HELGA?

I THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW,
HERR FLICK,

THAT THIS DEVICE
HAS NO EFFECT ON ME WHATEVER.

JAPANESE RUBBISH.

I MUST WARN YOU, HELGA,

THINGS WILL GO BADLY FOR YOU

IF YOU DO NOT ASSIST ME

BY FINDING OUT
EVERY DETAIL

OF THE PLOT
TO BLOW UP HITLER.

JUST TELL ME
WHAT TO DO, HERR FLICK.

YOU KNOW I CAN'T RESIST YOU,

WHEN YOU FIX ME
WITH YOUR PENETRATING GAZE

FROM YOUR PALE BLUE EYES,

MAGNIFIED TO THE SIZE
OF POACHED EGGS

BEHIND YOUR
POWERFUL SPECTACLES.

YOU MUST GET CLOSE
TO THE GENERAL.

THIS I WAS ABOUT TO DO
BEFORE YOU DRAGGED ME AWAY.

I WAS TEMPORARILY
CONSUMED WITH JEALOUSY,

BUT I HAVE NOW
CONTROLLED IT--

EXCEPT FOR A REGULAR
TWITCHING IN MY LEFT BUTTOCK.

YOU MAY KISS ME.

THANK YOU,
HERR FLICK.

IT WAS A MOST EXCITING
24 HOURS.

MONSIEUR ALPHONSE?

MONSIEUR ALPHONSE?

WHERE ARE YOU?

I AM HERE.

OH, YOU STARTLED ME.

THIS IS THE ENTRANCE
TO MY SECRET CHAMBER,

WHERE I CONCEAL MY FLUIDS
AND DEVELOPING EQUIPMENT.

AFTER YOU.

I LOVE YOU,
I LOVE YOU.

OH!

MONSIEUR ALPHONSE,
THERE IS NO TIME FOR THAT.

YOU HAVE THE FILM?

IT IS HERE.

YOU WILL FIND A PICTURE
OF THE SAFE

WHICH CONTAINS
THE GERMAN PLAN

FOR THE INVASION
OF ENGLAND.

ALLOW ME, MADAME.

HMM.

FIRST, I PUT ON
THE RED LIGHT,

SO I DO NOT
FOG THE FILM.

PARDON?

FOG THE FILM.

I TAKE THE FILM.

PARDON.

I IMMERSE IT
IN THE TANK.

HOW LONG
WILL IT TAKE?

TIME ENOUGH, MADAME,

FOR ME TO TELL YOU OF
MY CONSUMING PASSION FOR YOU

AND OF MY EARNEST DESIRE

TO POSSESS
YOUR PLIANT BODY.

OH, MONSIEUR ALPHONSE,
WHAT CAN I SAY?

I AM STRUCK DUMB.

I CANNOT MOVE.

COLD SHIVERS ARE
CREEPING UP MY ARM.

YOU GOT YOUR HAND
IN THE FIXING FLUID.

LET ME
WIPE IT FOR YOU.

SUCH A TENDER HAND.

PLEASE MARRY ME,
MADAME EDITH.

I AM A MAN
OF SUBSTANCE.

I HAVE MY MORTUARY,

I HAVE
A BUTCHER'S SHOP,

I HAVE THE HEAD LEASE
OF THE BARBERS,

AND 5,000 SHARES
IN VOLKSWAGEN.

SO, WHICHEVER WAY
THE WAR GOES,

YOU WILL BE
PROVIDED FOR.

BUT I AM
PROMISED TO RENE.

MADAME,

I KNOW ONE FRENCHMAN
IS NOT SUPPOSED

TO SNITCH
ON ANOTHER FRENCHMAN,

BUT I MUST TELL YOU,

I CAUGHT MONSIEUR RENE
IN THE ARMS

OF ONE OF YOUR
SERVING GIRLS.

I DO NOT BELIEVE IT.

IT'S TRUE.
IT'S TRUE, MADAME.

SHE WAS PANTING
AND WRITHING WITH ECSTASY.

I WILL CONFRONT HIM
WITH THIS,

AND UNLESS I GET
A SATISFACTORY EXPLANATION,

I AM YOURS.

OH, MADAME.

THE VERY PROSPECT

HAS BROUGHT ON
MY DICKY TICKER.

I THINK IF I AM
TO BE YOURS,

WE SHOULD HAVE
A QUICK WEDDING AND A SHORT HONEYMOON.

COLONEL, I HAVE BEEN
WITH HERR FLICK.

I HAVE NEWS
WHICH CONCERNS ALL THREE OF US.

TELL US, HELGA.

HERR FLICK SUSPECTS THAT YOU,

LIEUTENANT GRUBER
AND THE GENERAL,

ARE PLOTTING TO BLOW UP
THE FUHRER

WHEN HE COMES TO ATTEND
HIS BIRTHDAY PARTY AT THE CHATEAU.

UTTER NONSENSE.

WE ARE NOT INVOLVED
IN ANY SUCH PLOT.

SUCH A THING IS COMPLETELY
AGAINST MY NATURE.

WHAT ABOUT THE GENERAL?

ONE NEVER KNOWS
WITH GENERALS.

THEY ALL COME FROM
SUCH GOOD FAMILIES

THAT THEY COULD
BE UP TO ANYTHING.

I WAS UNDER
THE IMPRESSION

THAT HITLER WAS
UNABLE TO ATTEND.

THAT COULD BE
A COVER, HUBERT.

ALL HIS MOVEMENTS
ARE SECRET.

WE MUST KEEP AN EYE
ON THE GENERAL.

HERR FLICK HAS ALREADY
INSTRUCTED ME TO DO THIS.

REPORT EVERYTHING TO US.

WHOA.

WHOA.

( horse snorts )

OH, THANK YOU,
MONSIEUR ALPHONSE,

THAT WAS A LOVELY RIDE,

BUT NOW YOU MUST COME INSIDE
AND WE WILL CONFRONT RENE

WITH THE INFORMATION
ABOUT HIS INFIDELITY WHICH YOU HAVE GIVEN ME.

BUT ALAS, MADAME,
I CANNOT.

THERE IS NO ONE
TO HOLD MY HORSE,

I HAVE A DICKY TICKER,

AND YOUR HUSBAND
IS MUCH BIGGER THAN I AM.

PLEASE DRIVE ON THEN,

BECAUSE IF MY MOTHER
SEES YOU,

IT WILL UPSET HER.

Mamma:
EDITH.

EDITH, TELL HIM
TO GO AWAY.

WHAT DID I SAY?

GO BACK TO BED, MAMMA.

HE HAS NOT CALLED FOR YOU.

SCOUNDREL!

ALWAYS HE IS
PLYING FOR TRADE.

I AM NOT YET READY TO GO.

MADAME EDITH,

AH, GOD!
IF YOU WANT ME,

YOU KNOW WHERE
TO FIND ME.

I GIVE 24 HOUR SERVICE.

- I LOVE YOU.
- OH!

WALK ON.

( piano playing out of tune )

RENE, I MUST TALK TO YOU.

DID HE DEVELOP
THE FILM?

BEFORE WE TALK
ABOUT THAT,

THERE IS SOMETHING
I MUST KNOW.

HAVE YOU BEEN KISSING
THE SERVANT GIRL BEHIND MY BACK,

MAKING HER PANT
AND WRITHE IN ECSTASY?

NO.

OH, RENE, I KNEW
I COULD TRUST YOU.

HERE IS THE PICTURE.

GOOD, WE WILL SHOW IT
TO MONSIEUR LECLERC.

MONSIEUR LECLERC?

MONSIEUR LECLE-- OY!

( slaps bar )
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I AM TUNING THE PIANO TO MATCH
WITH MADAME EDITH'S VOICE.

MADAME,

( hits out-of-tune key
four times )

TRY THAT.

LA LA LA LA LAAA!

YES, THAT IS MUCH BETTER.

NEVER MIND ABOUT THAT.
COME OVER HERE.

LOOK AT THIS.

IT IS A SAFE.

I KNOW IT WELL.

IT IS A KAISENHOF

GROSSENBLUM
SCHWARTZERGAR,

16 LEVER,
MULTI-COUNTER MARK III.

CAN YOU OPEN IT?

WITH A KEY, YES.

BUT YOU WERE THE BEST KNOWN
SAFEBREAKER IN ALL FRANCE.

INDEED, MADAME, BUT THAT IS
BECAUSE I WAS CAUGHT SO OFTEN.

LOOK, CAN YOU
OPEN IT OR NOT?

WELL, OF COURSE,

BUT I SHALL NEED
SOME PLASTIC EXPLOSIVE.

PLASTIC EXPLOSIVE?

YEAH, IT IS A SORT
OF PUTTY SUBSTANCE,

WHICH YOU PRESS
INTO THE CRACKS.

NOW, I SHALL NEED

FOUR POUNDS
OF PLASTIC EXPLOSIVE,

FIVE FEET
OF FUSE DETONATOR,

MATCHES,

AND A POUND
OF MILK CHOCOLATE.

WHY THE CHOCOLATES?

BECAUSE I HAVE NOT TASTED IT
FOR SO LONG, MADAME.

MAKE SURE THAT MICHELLE
GIVES US THE MATERIALS.

EDITH, YOU DEAL WITH THIS.

I HAVE DONE MY BIT.

I RISKED LIFE AND LIMB
IN THE CHATEAU,

AND A LOT MORE
IN GRUBER'S BEDROOM.

IT IS YOUR TURN.

HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE YOU
TO DO THIS JOB?

THIS JOB?

FIVE YEARS.

FIVE YEARS?

FOUR MINUTES TO BLOW
THE SAFE,

AND THE REST
IN THE NICK.

COLONEL,
DO YOU HAVE ANY DAMAGE TO REPORT

FROM THE RAID
LAST NIGHT?

NOTHING OF ANY CONSEQUENCE.

ACCORDING TO
THE BERLIN RADIO,

43 BRITISH PLANES
WERE SHOT DOWN.

MY, MY. I DIDN'T KNOW
THE BRITISH HAD THAT MANY LEFT.

THAT CHURCHILL IS
A WILY OLD FOX.

COLONEL, A PRIVATE WORD
IN YOUR EAR.

I FIND YOUR SECRETARY
VERY ATTRACTIVE.

HELGA?

AN EXCELLENT EXAMPLE
OF GERMAN WOMANHOOD.

AND SEXY WITH IT.

BRING HER TO DINNER
AT MY QUARTERS TOMORROW NIGHT.

THAT WILL BE
AN HONOR INDEED, GENERAL.

AS SOON AS WE START
THE SOUP COURSE,

YOU WILL COMPLAIN
OF A SERIOUS STOMACHACHE

AND GO HOME,

LEAVING THE FIELD
CLEAR FOR ME.

COULDN'T I WAIT UNTIL
THE PUDDING?

NO.

HEIL HITLER.

HEIL HITLER.
( car engine starts )

OH, AND ONE MORE THING.

ARRANGE SOME MUSIC.

ON THE GRAMOPHONE?

NO, REAL MUSIC.

ROMANTIC MUSIC.

THERE MUST BE SOME PEASANTS
WHO CAN PLAY SOMEWHERE.

YES, GENERAL.

LET IT BE DONE.

YES, GENERAL.

HEIL HITLER.

HEIL HITLER.

♪ IT ALL SEEMS WRONG, SOMEHOW ♪

♪ I'M NOBODY'S SWEETHEART ♪

♪ NOW. ♪

( silence )

I THINK
YOU MUST BE DEAF.

I WISH I WAS.

WHEN I MARRY HER
AND TAKE OVER THE CAFE,

SHE WILL NOT SING AGAIN.

UNTIL THEN, MAGNIFICO.

MAGNIFICO.

THE ITALIAN CAPTAIN,
HE LIKES ME.

AM I SINGING
AS WELL AS EVER?

YOU HAVE NEVER SUNG BETTER.

RENE,

WE NEED THE EXPLOSIVES
FOR TOMORROW NIGHT,

AND THE RESISTANCE
HAS NOT YET DELIVERED THEM.

I AM GETTING VERY WORRIED.

I AM NOT A BIT WORRIED.

I AM STAYING OUT OF IT.

THE COLONEL WANTS
MORE WINE.

OH, DEAR.

HERE IS YOUR WINE,
COLONEL.

DID YOU ENJOY
YOUR SNAILS?

ONE OF THEM WAS EMPTY.

HE PROBABLY CLIMBED OUT.

I WILL GO INTO THE KITCHEN

AND SEE IF HE IS HIDING
UNDER THE LETTUCE.

PUTTY.

PUTTY.

WINDOWS TO MEND.

OH MY GOD.

HEY, BUY YOUR PUTTY FROM
A POOR, WEARY, OLD PUTTY SELLER.

COME OVER HERE BY THE BAR,

WEARY OLD PUTTY SELLER.

SHOW ME YOUR WARES.

WINDOWS TO MEND, FROM--

SHUT UP.

PSST!
IT IS I, LECLERC.

WHY CAN YOU NOT
USE THE BACK DOOR?

BECAUSE IT SAYS ON THE DOOR,
"NO TRADESMEN."

I AM NOT
A PUTTY SELLER.

REALLY?

THIS IS THE EXPLOSIVE
TO BLOW UP THE SAFE.

SHH!

I WILL BUY YOUR PUTTY.

THE WINDOW IN MY ROOM
WAS BROKEN BY R.A.F. BOMBER

BEFORE THEY WERE
ALL SHOT DOWN.

I AM SORRY, NO.
I AM SORRY.

YOU CANNOT BUY THIS PUTTY,
THIS IS SAMPLE PUTTY.

AND LOOK AT THIS
TERRIBLE WORKMANSHIP.

OH, YOU MAKE
A LOT OF MISTAKES.

YES, YOU BE ON YOUR WAY,
PUTTY SELLER, PLEASE.

RENE, MICHELLE WISHES TO
SPEAK WITH US IN THE BACK ROOM.

OH, HECK.
HERE, GO THAT WAY.

MIMI, JUST YOU
LOOK AFTER THE BAR.

LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY,

I SHALL SAY THIS ONLY ONCE.

WELL, SAY IT QUICKLY,

I HAVE A CAFE
FULL OF CUSTOMERS.

THIS IS MY PLAN
FOR YOU

TO ENTER THE ROOM
OF LIEUTENANT GRUBER

TO OPEN THE SAFE.

DO NOT LOOK AT ME.
I AM STAYING HERE.

YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE

WHO KNOWS THE POSITION
OF THE SAFE.

I WILL DRAW YOU A MAP.

WE ARE ALL
IN THIS TOGETHER.

I AM THE ONE
THAT GRUBER FANCIES.

HE WILL NOT BE THERE.

WE WILL DROP
A SMOKE CANISTER DOWN HIS CHIMNEY.

THIS WILL CAUSE HIM
TO VACATE THE ROOM.

YOU WILL SMASH
THE WINDOW

AND GO IN THERE
WITH MONSIEUR LECLERC.

HIS ROOM IS ON
THE FIRST FLOOR.

THIS IS WHY I HAVE STOLEN
A FIRE ENGINE AND A LADDER.

YOU WILL BE DISGUISED
AS FIREMEN.

HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO SEE
THE SAFE THROUGH ALL THAT SMOKE.

YOU WILL BE WEARING
BREATHING MASKS.

( knocking )

GOOD MOANING.

I AM SORRY THAT I AM LIT,

BUT I HAD TO WIK CURFULLY
DOWN THE STROOT,

BECAUSE I HAVE FIVE FIT
OF FUSE WOUND ROUND MY LOG,

AND DETONATORS DINGLING
DOWN MY TROOSERS.

MADAME EDITH, YOU KNOW
THE CHATEAU WELL.

YES, I WORKED THERE
AS A SERVING GIRL.

YOU WILL CLIMB
ONTO THE ROOF

AND DROP THIS
SMOKE CANISTER

DOWN THE THIRD
CHIMNEY

COUNTING FROM
THE WEST.

I WILL HOLD
THE LADDER FOR RENE.

YOU WILL COME
ON THE ROOF WITH ME.

YOU WILL DROP THIS CANISTER
DOWN THE CHIMNEY

WHEN THE CHURCH CLOCK STRIKES
THE FIRST STROKE OF 12:00.

ON THE SIXTH BONG, YOU, RENE,

WILL SMASH THE WINDOW
AND LEAP INTO THE ROOM.

IS THIS CLEAR?

( snoring )

AH! WINDOWS TO MEND,
GET YOUR PUTTY, PUTTY...

- SHUT UP.
- SHUTTING UP.

MY HUSBAND WILL
MAKE SURE HE IS THERE.

I HAVE TO REPORT
THAT I AM TO TAKE DINNER

WITH GENERAL
VON KLINKERHOFFEN TONIGHT.

AT THE CAFE?

IN HIS PRIVATE QUARTERS
AT THE CHATEAU.

HE HAS ORDERED THE COLONEL
TO FIND PEASANTS

TO PROVIDE
THE ROMANTIC MUSIC.

I SUSPECT HE INTENDS
HANKY-PANKY--

WHICH I WILL,
OF COURSE, RESIST--

AS LONG AS I AM ABLE.

YOU WILL TAKE
EVERY OPPORTUNITY

TO FIND EVIDENCE
OF THE BOMB PLOT,

IF NECESSARY, BY FERRETING
IN THE GENERAL'S PRIVATE DRAWERS

WHEN HIS BACK IS TURNED.

IT SOUNDS A DAUNTING
PROSPECT, HERR FLICK.

MEANWHILE, I SHALL FIND

A WAY OF KEEPING YOU
UNDER OBSERVATION.

YES, HERR FLICK.

AND DO NOT WEAR
THE PERFUME I GAVE YOU.

NO, HERR FLICK.

JUST A LITTLE DAB
OF DISINFECTANT BEHIND THE EARS.

QUICK, WE HAVE
ONLY SEVEN MINUTES.

RENE, GOOD LUCK.

I WILL REMAIN IN THE CAFE.

MADAME EDITH AND YVETTE
WILL BE ALREADY ON THE ROOF.

( rings bell )

SHUT UP!

THE FIRE IS NOT SUPPOSED
TO START UNTIL

THE FIRST STROKE
OF MIDNIGHT.

AH, ANOTHER
INSURANCE JOB.

NOW,

WHERE ARE
THE CHIMNEYS?

OH, I'M AFRAID
THAT I WILL SLIP.

HAVE YOU EVER HAD
AN AFFAIR WITH MY HUSBAND?

MADAME EDITH,

HOW COULD YOU THINK
SUCH A THING?

OF COURSE NOT.

IN THAT CASE,
TAKE MY HAND.

SHOULD NOT THE MUSICIANS
BE HERE BY NOW, COLONEL?

I PUT OUT THE WORD THAT
YOU REQUIRED SOME,

BUT YOU KNOW HOW RELUCTANT
THE FRENCH ARE TO COOPERATE.

TWO MUSICIANS ARE HERE.

SHALL I TELL THEM TO WAIT?

NO, BRING THEM UP.

A LITTLE SURPRISE
FOR YOU, MY DEAR.

IT IS INDEED.

I SEE YOU'VE NEARLY
FINISHED YOUR SOUP.

OH, SO I HAVE.

IT WAS SO TASTY,
I ALMOST FORGOT.

OOH,

OOH!

WHAT IS WRONG?

IT'S MY ULCER.

OOH, OH.

IF YOU WILL EXCUSE ME,

I WILL GO HOME AT ONCE.

OF COURSE. ONE MUST
TAKE CARE OF SUCH A THING.

HERE IS YOUR HAT.
GOODBYE.

GOODBYE.

HOW UNFORTUNATE,
BUT AT LEAST IT GIVES US

A CHANCE TO GET TO KNOW
EACH OTHER BETTER.

- ( violin music playing )
- I FEEL MOST HONORED TO BE DINING ALONE

WITH SUCH A DISTINGUISHED
GENERAL.

THIS IS QUITE NATURAL.

WHAT A ROMANTIC SOUND.

I WILL LOWER THE LIGHTS
AND OPEN THE GOOD CHAMPAGNE.

DO YOU HAVE ANY REQUESTS?

YOU HAVE GONE TOO FAR.

I DO NOT KNOW IT,

BUT HUM IT
AND WE WILL FOLLOW.

WE HAVE TO PUT IT

DOWN THE THIRD CHIMNEY
COUNTING FROM THE WEST.

WHERE IS THE WEST?

THE SUN SETS IN THE WEST,

OR IS IT THE EAST?

THERE IS NO SUN
AT MIDNIGHT,

DO NOT CONFUSE ME.

FROM THIS ONE
THERE IS COMING MUSIC.

LIEUTENANT GRUBER
IS MUSICAL.

HE PLAYS THE PIANO.

IT MUST BE THIS ONE.

( clock tower bongs )

QUICK, LIGHT THE FUSE.

THAT WAS THE FIRST BONG.

YOU HAVE FIVE BONGS
TO GET UP THE LADDER.

- WE WILL START NOW.
- ( clock bongs )

AT HIS AGE, HE NEEDS ALL
THE BONGS HE CAN GET.

( bonging )

HELLO, IS THAT CAFE RENE?

Mimi:
Yes.

THIS IS
LIEUTENANT GRUBER SPEAKING.

IS RENE THERE?

I'M AFRAID HE HAS POPPED OUT
FOR THE MOMENT OR TWO.

OH, WELL, WHEN HE RETURNS,

TELL HIM I WOULD BE
DELIGHTED TO SEE HIM

FOR A LITTLE NIGHTCAP
IN MY QUARTERS AT THE CHATEAU.

I WILL TELL HIM.

I WONDER IF HE WILL
ACCEPT MY INVITATION?

RENE!

HOW KIND OF YOU
TO DROP IN.

THERE WAS NO NEED
FOR THE DISGUISE.

THE GUARDS HAVE
PERMANENT ORDERS TO LET YOU IN.

AND WHO IS YOUR
LITTLE FRIEND?

IT IS I, LECLERC.

General:
GRUBER, QUICK.

THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER!
SOUND THE ALARM!

MY ROOM IS ON FIRE!
SEND FOR THE FIRE BRIGADE!

OH, I SEE YOU HAVE
ALREADY DONE SO.

GOOD, FULL MARKS.
FOLLOW ME.

( alarm bell ringing )

SAVED BY THE BELL.

( theme music playing )