'Allo 'Allo (1982–1992): Season 5, Episode 26 - Enigma's End - full transcript
General Von Klinkerhoffen orders that René is to be shot if the Enigma machine isn't found. Because he thinks he might warn René, colonel Von Strohm orders Gruber to take of his uniform so he won't leave Von Strohm's office. Nevertheless, Gruber takes Helga's uniform and goes to René. Meanwhile, British Intelligence and the Resistance have thought up a plan to get two experts to Nouvion to look at the Enigma machine. They will be disguised as policemen.
( theme music playing )
YOU WILL HAVE
TO FORGIVE ME
IF I TALK TO YOU
WITH MY MOUTH FULL,
BUT I AM HERE TO SELECT
SOME CHEESES FOR MY CAFE.
NOW, THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE
BEEN FOLLOWING MY ADVENTURES
WILL KNOW THAT
I AM VERY CLOSE
TO A COMPLETE
NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.
TOO STRONG.
FOR THE LAST FEW DAYS
I HAVE BEEN HARBORING
A SECRET CODING APPARATUS,
CALLED THE ENIGMA MACHINE.
THE RESISTANCE ARE TRYING
TO GET THIS TO ENGLAND,
BY PLACING IT
IN A WINE BARREL,
AND FLOATING IT
INTO THE TOWN DRAIN,
TO BE PICKED UP
BY A TWO-MAN MIDGET SUBMARINE.
TO DO THIS, THE ENTIRE
POPULATION OF NOUVION
WAS SUPPOSED TO FLUSH
THEIR TOILETS
AT ONE AND THE SAME TIME.
TOO SALTY.
IT WILL DO FOR THE CUSTOMERS
TO PUT IN THEIR EARS
WHEN MY WIFE IS SINGING.
NOW WHERE WAS I?
OH, YES, THE TOILET.
NOW, NEEDLESS TO SAY,
THERE WAS A COCK-UP.
THE BARREL THAT WE PUT
INTO THE DRAIN
CONTAINED NOT A CODING MACHINE,
BUT SOME UNDERWEAR BELONGING
TO MY WAITRESS, YVETTE,
WHICH EVEN AS WE SPEAK,
IS PROBABLY IN THE HANDS
OF THE HEAD OF MI-5,
WHO IS PROBABLY TRYING
TO DECODE IT.
HE WILL FIND NOTHING
OF INTEREST,
EXCEPT THAT YVETTE
IS VERY WELL BUILT.
THAT'S TOO YOUNG.
FORTUNATELY, THE MACHINE
IS NO LONGER IN MY POSSESSION,
WHICH IS WHY I HAVE NOT GONE
COMPLETELY ROUND THE TWIST.
- UGH!
- (spits )
TOO OLD.
PSST!
WHAT IS THE MATTER?
I HAVE CALLED
AN URGENT MEETING.
WHERE IS EVERYBODY?
WHY DO THEY
TAKE NO NOTICE?
THE WORLD DOES NOT STOP
JUST FOR YOU.
GET BACK INTO THE ROOM,
AND STOP PSSTING.
WHERE IS SHE?
IN THE BACK ROOM GETTING
HER KNICKERS IN A TWIST.
MIMI, LOOK AFTER THE BAR.
PLEASE MAKE THIS
VERY SHORT,
BECAUSE WE HAVE
CUSTOMERS TO ATTEND TO.
IN THAT CASE,
I SHALL SAY THIS ONLY ONCE.
WHAT A SURPRISE.
WE ARE NO LONGER TRYING
TO SEND THE ENIGMA MACHINE
TO THE EXPERTS IN LONDON.
All:
GOOD.
COME BACK!
THERE IS MORE.
INSTEAD, THE EXPERTS ARE
COMING HERE TO EXAMINE IT.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN "HERE"?
WHY ARE THEY COMING HERE?
WE NO LONGER
HAVE THE MACHINE.
IT IS TOO DANGEROUS.
THE GERMANS ARE LOOKING
FOR IT EVERYWHERE.
THE MACHINE WILL
ONLY BE HERE LONG ENOUGH
FOR THE EXPERTS
TO EXAMINE IT.
WHERE ARE
THESE EXPERTS?
THEY WILL BE DROPPED
BY PARACHUTE,
DISGUISED
AS POLICEMEN.
THIS WILL ENABLE THEM
TO EXAMINE THE MACHINE
WITHOUT AROUSING
SUSPICION.
WHEN THEY ARRIVE
AT YOUR CAFE,
THEY WILL MAKE
THEMSELVES KNOWN
BY A SECRET SIGN.
WHAT IS THIS SIGN?
THEY WILL BRANDISH
THEIR BATONS,
LIKE THIS.
THIS GESTURE WILL NOT
GO UNNOTICED.
YOU WILL THEN
GIVE US A SIGNAL,
AND WE WILL DELIVER
THE MACHINE.
WHAT IS THE NATURE
OF THIS SIGNAL?
YOU WILL PLACE
A RED CYCLE LAMP
IN THE WINDOW OF THE BEDROOM
OF YOUR MOTHER.
A RED LAMP?
WHAT WILL
THE NEIGHBORS THINK?
YOU CAN SAY SHE IS
BEING REPAIRED
BY A ROAD GANG.
THE MACHINE WILL
THEN BE DELIVERED
BY ONE OF OUR AGENTS
DISGUISED AS A SPANISH
ACCORDION PLAYER.
OH NO!
I AM AT THE END
OF MY TETHER.
THE WIRES TO BERLIN HAVE
BEEN BURNING FIT TO BURST.
THE FUHRER IS
ELECTRIFIED WITH RAGE.
THE ENIGMA MACHINE HAS BEEN
MISSING FOR TWO DAYS,
AND HERE IS HIS ULTIMATUM:
IF IT IS NOT RECOVERED
IN 24 HOURS,
I AM TO BE SENT
TO THE RUSSIAN FRONT.
THAT IS--
TERRIBLE NEWS, GENERAL.
MIND YOU,
THEY DO NEED
A GOOD MAN OUT THERE.
YOU GREAT GENERAL.
YOU WIN THE BATTLES.
YOU BE FAMOUS HERO
IN ALL THE PAPERS.
UNFORTUNATELY,
NONE OF YOU
WILL BE READING
THE NEWSPAPERS,
IN THE SUICIDE SQUAD
OF THE AFRICA CORPS,
TO WHICH I SHALL
POST YOU BEFORE I DEPART.
NOW, HERE ARE MY ORDERS:
IF THE MACHINE IS NOT
RECOVERED BY THIS EVENING,
YOU WILL ARREST THE SIX
MOST PROMINENT PEOPLE IN THE TOWN,
MARCH THEM TO THE SQUARE,
AND SHOOT THEM.
WITH RESPECT, GENERAL,
IS THIS NOT A JOB
FOR HERR FLICK OF THE GESTAPO?
NO!
IT IS A JOB FOR YOU!
THE BUCK STOPS RIGHT HERE.
IS THIS UNDERSTOOD
BY YOU ALL?
GENERAL,
DON'T LOOK AT ME. IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM.
THEN YOU CAN LEAVE
FOR AFRICA NOW.
SUDDENLY,
IT IS MY PROBLEM.
LET IT BE DONE.
HEIL HITLER!
Colonel:
HEIL HITLER.
I THINK WE ALL
IN THE "YOU KNOW WHAT,"
RIGHT UP TO HERE.
WHAT DO YOU INTEND
THAT WE SHOULD DO,
COLONEL?
GRUBER, WE DO WHAT
WE WERE TAUGHT
AT OFFICERS'
TRAINING SCHOOL.
WE OBEY ORDERS.
THE COLONEL IS RIGHT.
WE MUST START
PEASANT SHOOTING.
AT 8:00 THIS EVENING,
WE ARREST EVERYONE
AT THE CAFE.
COLONEL,
THIS WILL GO,
MOST DEFINITELY,
AGAINST THE DICTATES
OF MY CONSCIENCE.
FOR THIS REASON
I AM CONFINING YOU
IN THIS OFFICE
UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.
AND TO MAKE SURE
THAT YOU REMAIN HERE,
YOU WILL SURRENDER
TO ME YOUR UNIFORM.
COLONEL...
NO ARGUMENTS.
GET 'EM OFF.
AH, WELL.
IN FOR A PFENNIG,
IN FOR A MARK.
( humming
"The Stripper" )
THE WOMEN HAVE BEEN
APPREHENDED, HERR FLICK.
- BRING THEM IN.
- BRING THEM IN HERE.
MOVE, MOVE!
ONE, TWO, THREE.
♪ ARISE YE CHILDREN ♪
♪ OF THE MOTHERLAND ♪
♪ THE HOUR OF FREEDOM ♪
♪ IS DRAWING NIGH... ♪
ROTTEN. SHUT UP.
I DEMAND TO KNOW
WHY WE HAVE BEEN BROUGHT HERE!
WE KNOW NOTHING.
OUR LIPS ARE SEALED.
IN A FEW MINUTES,
YOU WILL NOT BE SO CONFIDENT.
TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES.
All: NO.
TAKE THEM OFF.
OH, VERY WELL.
NOT YOU.
VON SMALLHAUSEN, WHAT IS
THE PROGRESS OF THE KETTLE?
IT IS ABOUT TO SING,
HERR FLICK.
THAT WILL BE HOT ENOUGH
FOR MY PURPOSE.
BRING IT HERE.
IF YOU TELL ME
ALL I NEED TO KNOW,
YOU WILL
LEAVE HERE UNHARMED.
IN EACH OF THESE CUPS,
I AM PLACING
A NEW GERMAN INVENTION,
KNOWN AS THE TEA BAG.
IT WAS INVENTED
BY BARON VON TETLEY.
HE WAS FED UP
WITH HIS CASTLE SINK
BEING BUNGED UP
WITH LEAVES.
YOU GERMANS ARE
MOST INGENIOUS.
DRINK.
ARE YOU TRYING
TO POISON US?
THE DRINK IS
QUITE HARMLESS.
YOU HAVE MY WORD
AS A GESTAPO OFFICER.
DRINK.
LITTLE DO THEY KNOW,
THAT MIXED IN
WITH THE TEA BAG
IS A RARE DRUG,
DISTILLED
FROM THE SWEAT GLANDS
OF THE PATAGONIAN
FRUIT BAT.
IT IS QUITE
PALATABLE.
I DO NOT THINK
IT IS POISON.
IT HAS NO EFFECT ON ME,
EXCEPT I HAVE
A STRANGE DESIRE
TO HANG UPSIDE DOWN.
WHAT WILL BE THE EFFECT
OF THIS DRUG, HERR FLICK?
IT IS SAID TO BE
MORE POWERFUL
THAN SODIUM PENTATHOL.
THEY WILL BE COMPELLED
TO TELL THE TRUTH.
WHAT IS
YOUR NAME?
EDITH MELBA ARTOIS.
YOURS?
YVETTE CARTE-BLANCHE.
YOURS?
MIMI... LABONQ.
I THINK IT IS WORKING,
HERR FLICK.
HOW OLD ARE YOU?
18.
19.
NEARLY 27.
OBVIOUSLY ANOTHER
FAULTY BATCH.
WE ARE WASTING OUR TIME.
RELEASE THEM.
EDITH!
EDITH, YVETTE, MIMI?
WHERE IS EVERYBODY?
IT IS TIME WE WERE OPEN.
GOOD MOANING.
GOOD MOANING.
I HAVE BAD NOSE.
YOUR WIFF
AND YOUR WOTRESSES
HAVE BEEN ARROSTED
BY THE GESTOOPO.
WHAT?!
WHEN?
I HAVE BEEN LYING DOWN--
THEY MAY HAVE REVILED
THAT SECRET URGENTS
ARE TO MOTE HERE TO LICK
AT THE ENIGMA APPAROTUS.
OH MY GOD!
WHAT AM I
GOING TO DO?
I THINK IT WOULD BE WOOSE
IF WE ALL LEFT TIN.
I HAVE BROUGHT
FOR YOU
A DISGEESE
IN THIS SOTCUSS.
EDITH!
THIS IDIOT SAYS THAT
YOU HAD BEEN CAPTURED BY THE GESTAPO.
HE WAS RIGHT.
IT WAS A TERRIBLE
EXPERIENCE.
DO NOT WORRY,
WE TOLD HIM NOTHING.
HE GAVE US
A CUP OF TEA
AND THEN
HE RELEASED US.
ARE YOU SURE IT
WAS NOT DRUGGED?
I DO NOT THINK SO,
BUT IT DID TASTE
A BIT FUNNY.
IT DOES NOT SEEM
TO HAVE AFFECTED US.
ON THE OTHER HAND,
MY HEARING HAS
BECOME VERY ACUTE,
AND MIMI HAS BEEN BEHAVING
A LITTLE STRANGELY.
LOOK, YOU MUST
TELL MICHELLE TO SEND THE BRITISH AGENTS BACK.
THIS WHOLE PLAN
IS LUNACY.
TOO LUTE, THE BUMMER
IS ALREADY ON THE WEE.
EEK, EEK.
EE-EEK.
WHAT IS THE MATTER
WITH HER?
EEK, EEK, EE-EEK.
SHE SAYS SHE
IS GOING TO SLEEP
AND DOES NOT WISH TO BE
WOKEN UNTIL NIGHTFALL.
MY GOD, WHAT WAS
IN THAT TEA?
TAKE HER
INTO THE KITCHEN
AND PUT HER HEAD
UNDER THE COLD WATER TAP.
EEK, EE-EEK,
EE-EEK, EE-EEK.
THIS WOULD JUST HAPPEN
AT OPENING TIME.
ALL RIGHT, WE ARE OPEN.
COME ON IN.
GOOD EVENING,
JACQUES, PIERRE.
THANKS, AWFULLY.
WE'VE JUST BEEN
FOR A BREATH OF FRESH AIR.
MY GOD, THE BRITISH AIRMEN.
YOU CANNOT STAY HERE!
WHAT'S HE SAYING?
I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T SPEAK A WORD OF THE LANGUAGE.
THIS WHOLE PLACE
IS CRAWLING WITH GERMANS.
- YOU WILL HAVE TO HIDE.
- WE'RE GONNA HAVE A DRINK.
Rene:
NO, NO, YOU WILL GET US ALL SHOT.
Both:
CHEERS.
Yvette:
RENE, THEY ARE BOTH DRINKING
BLACK COFFEE
IN THE KITCHEN.
I'M SURE THEY
WILL BE ALL RIGHT IN A MINUTE.
MY GOD! GERMANS.
THINK OF A WAY TO GET
THESE AIRMEN UPSTAIRS.
I KNOW THE WAY.
BY JOVE!
FREE CIGARETTES!
( clears throat )
RENE,
TRY NOT TO LOOK
SO SURPRISED.
I'M DOING THIS FOR YOU.
WELL, YOU REALLY NEED
NOT HAVE BOTHERED.
THERE HAVE BEEN
ONE OR TWO
VERY SERIOUS
DEVELOPMENTS.
SO I SEE.
IF THE ENIGMA MACHINE
IS NOT RETURNED
WITHIN HALF AN HOUR,
YOU ARE TO BE ARRESTED AND SHOT.
BUT, LIEUTENANT--
ER, PRIVATE, WE DO NOT
HAVE THE MACHINE.
THEN YOU MUST
LEAVE AT ONCE.
THANK YOU FOR THE WARNING,
AND FOR GOING TO SUCH
INCREDIBLE LENGTHS.
THE COLONEL CONFISCATED
MY UNIFORM,
IN CASE I SHOULD
TIP YOU THE WINK.
I PINCHED THIS
WHILE HELGA WAS
HAVING A BATH.
BUT THE, UH...
THE WIG?
IT'S HER SPARE ONE.
YOU KNOW THE SAYING,
"LIPSTICK, POWDER,
AND A LITTLE BIT OF PAINT,
MAKE A GIRL LOOK
WHAT SHE JOLLY WELL AIN'T."
NO, I'VE NEVER HEARD.
WOMEN, RENE,
ARE ALL DECEIVERS.
ER, I THINK THE BATH
MUST HAVE RUN COLD.
HELGA IS JUST ABOUT
TO ENTER THE CAFE.
HIDE ME, RENE.
IF SHE REVEALS ME
TO THE COLONEL, I AM UNDONE.
SIT THERE,
SIT THERE!
HOLD THIS MENU UP
IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE.
HELGA,
WHAT A PRETTY
HELMET.
ARE YOU
ON MANEUVERS?
NO, I AM ON TRANQUILIZERS.
MY UNIFORM
HAS BEEN STOLEN.
LOOK!
I SUSPECT
LIEUTENANT GRUBER DID IT,
IN ORDER TO WARN YOU
OF YOUR IMPENDING FATE.
NO, I AM SURE IT COULD NOT
HAVE BEEN LIEUTENANT GRUBER,
OR HE WOULD HAVE TAKEN
YOUR UNDERWEAR AS WELL.
HAVE YOU NOT SEEN HIM?
NO, NEITHER HIDE NOR HAIR.
I SHALL SIT HERE
AND WAIT FOR HIM.
( Rene stammering )
WHY NOT HOLD THIS MENU
IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE?
THEN HE WOULD NOT
RECOGNIZE YOU,
SHOULD HE
EVER COME IN.
RENE, EVERYTHING
IS UNDER CONTROL.
- HOW IS MIMI?
- SHE IS STABILIZED.
SHE IS HANGING IN THE LARDER,
NEXT TO THE HAM.
LOOK,
WE HAVE A PROBLEM.
SITTING OVER THERE
IS LIEUTENANT GRUBER,
WEARING THE CLOTHES
OF HELGA.
YOU MEAN,
"HE HAS A PROBLEM."
LISTEN!
OVER AT THE TABLE
BY THE WINDOW,
IS HELGA WEARING A TIN HAT
AND VERY LITTLE ELSE.
IF THE ENIGMA MACHINE
IS NOT RETURNED
TO THE GERMANS
WITHIN HALF AN HOUR
I AM TO BE
ARRESTED AND SHOT.
Yvette:
RENE, RENE.
I HAVE JUST SEEN THROUGH
THE UPSTAIRS WINDOW,
TWO POLICEMEN
APPROACHING THE CAFE.
MY GOD, THEY ARE PROBABLY
COMING TO ARREST ME!
Both:
GOOD MOANING.
THE BRITISH AGENTS.
THAT IS CORROCT.
GET OFFICER
CRABTREE.
I WILL PUT AT ONCE
IN THE WINDOW
OF MY MOTHER,
THE RED LAMP.
WHERE IS
THE APPAROOTIS?
LOOK, THIS PLACE IS
CRAWLING WITH GERMANS.
PLEASE GO AWAY!
KEEP A COOL HOD
AND DO NOT PINIC.
ALL WE NEED IS A QUICK LICK
TO SEE HOW IT WICKS,
AND WE'LL BE
IFF TO ONGLAND.
AGENT SIXTY-NOON.
AGENT FARTY.
RENE, RENE!
ARGH, WHY HAS EDITH
PLACED IN MY WINDOW,
A RED LAMP?
DOES SHE NOT KNOW
THAT I HAVE RETIRED?
GET BACK UP THE STAIRS,
YOU STUPID OLD BAT.
DISGUISED AS
AN ACCORDION,
THE ENIGMA MACHINE
APPROACHES.
WE WILL ARROST
THE MOOSICIANS
AND TAKE THEM
INTO THE BACK RIM,
WHERE YOU WILL DISCOVER
ITS SECRETS.
THEN YOU CAN RETAIN
THE INFOAMATION TO LONDON.
I HOPE YOU
DO THIS QUICKLY.
IF THE GERMANS DON'T
GET THE MACHINE BACK,
I AM TO BE
PERSONALLY SHOT.
( accordion plays )
OLE.
OH MY GOD.
♪ LADY OF SPAIN ♪
♪ I ADORE YOU ♪
♪ RIGHT FROM THE NIGHT ♪
♪ I FIRST SAW YOU ♪
♪ MY HEART IS DOING ♪
♪ A YO-YO... ♪
♪ WHAT ELSE CAN ♪
♪ ANY HEART DO? ♪
♪ LADY OF SPAIN... ♪
OH MY GOD,
THE GENERAL.
HE HAS COME FOR ME.
♪ ALL THAT MY EYES
ARE REVEALING ♪
♪ LADY OF SPAIN ♪
♪ I LOVE YOU... ♪
STOP!
DARL-- WHA--
I AM ARROSTING YOU
FOR BIGGING AND
DISTOOBING THE PUSS.
PSST!
IT IS I, LECLERC.
SHUT UP
AND COME WITH MOO.
WHAT FOR YOU
STOP THE MUSIC?
IT WAS VERY GOOD.
MORE, MORE.
♪ LADY OF SPAIN ♪
♪ I ADORE YOU-- ♪
STOP!
DO NOT INTERFERE
WITH THE LOCAL AFFAIRS, CAPTAIN.
CARRY ON WITH YOUR DUTY.
THE ENEMA IS
IN THE ORGAN.
OOH!
I SEE FROM HER INSIGNIA
THAT GIRL IS IN YOUR UNIT.
THE LEGS SEEM FAMILIAR,
BUT I DO NOT
RECOGNIZE THE FACE.
HEY, YOU.
HOW YOU LIKE
THE GOOD TIME
WITH THE BIG HERO?
YOU MUST FORGIVE ME,
BUT I AM NOT VERY KEEN
ON MOUSTACHES.
THAT'S GRUBER.
WHAT A MISTAKE TO MAKE.
WHAT'S HE DOING?
OFFICERS OFF DUTY
CAN PLEASE THEMSELVES
HOW THEY WHILE AWAY
THE HOURS.
IF YOU HAVE
A PROBLEM, GRUBER,
POP BY MY QUARTERS
AND HAVE A DRINK.
TIME IS UP.
THE MACHINE HAS
NOT BEEN RETURNED.
IT IS NOW TIME TO START
TO ARREST THE PEASANTS.
SOLDIER, ARREST THE CAFE OWNER,
HIS WIFE AND THE WAITRESSES.
IT IS I, HELGA.
MY GOD, YOU ARE
OFF DUTY, TOO.
PORTRAITS, PORTRAITS,
WHO WILL BUY
A PORTRAIT
FROM A POOR OLD
PORTRAIT PAINTER?
TELL THE CAFE OWNER
TO GET OFF HIS KNEES.
HE'S UNDER ARREST.
BUT I HAVE
DONE NOTHING.
COLONEL,
TAKE THIS MAN OUTSIDE
AND PREPARE HIM
FOR EXECUTION.
YES, GENERAL.
STOP.
NOBODY IS TO LEAVE
THIS CAFE.
HOW DARE YOU
POINT YOUR GUN
AT A GENERAL?
HOW DARE YOU
POINT YOUR GUN
AT AN OFFICER
OF THE GESTAPO?
THE GENERAL SAID IT FIRST.
THERE ARE NOW TWO GUNS
POINTING AT YOU.
GRUBER, HAVE YOU
GOT A GUN?
I WILL HAVE A LOOK.
LIPSTICK, NAIL POLISH,
A PAIR OF SUSPENDERS...
Colonel:
HELGA?
I AM UNARMED.
I AM STUNNED.
HAVE YOU RECOVERED
THE ENIGMA APPARATUS?
MIND YOUR OWN
BUSINESS.
GENTLEMAN,
I HAVE GOOD NOSE.
GENERAL, COLONEL,
THE RESISTANCE, WHO,
OF COURSE, I DO NOT KNOW AT ALL,
HAVE JUST THROWN
THE ENIGMA MACHINE
THROUGH THE WINDOW
OF MY BACK PARLOR.
THIS IS VERY STRANGE.
I HEARD NOTHING.
( glass shatters )
THERE IT WAS.
HERE YOU ARE,
GENERAL.
THERE IS A NOTE--
"TO SAVE THE LIFE
OF AN INNOCENT CAFE OWNER
WHO HAS NO CONNECTION
WITH THE RESISTANCE,
THIS MACHINE
IS RETURNED."
I CANNOT READ
THE SIGNATURE
AS THE INK
IS STILL WET.
GOOD.
STRONG ACTIONS
ALWAYS PRODUCE RESULTS.
THE SITUATION
IS NOW CLOSED.
BUT INQUIRIES
WILL CONTINUE
AFTER I HAVE PHONED
MY TAILOR
AND CANCELLED
MY WINTER UNIFORM.
AGAIN I AM THWARTED.
SO AM I.
YOUR THWART
IS SMALLER.
PERHAPS YOU GENTLEMEN
WOULD CARE TO JOIN ME
IN MY QUARTERS
FOR A LITTLE SCHNAPPS?
THANK YOU, GENERAL.
IT WILL BE QUITE INFORMAL.
NO NEED
TO CHANGE, GRUBER.
THERE'S NO NEED FOR YOU
TO CHANGE EITHER, EH?
LET US
CLOSE THE CAFE.
YES, I'M SORRY,
WE ARE CLOSED.
THANK YOU, VERY MUCH,
GENTLEMEN, FOR COMING.
YVETTE.
ANOTHER NARROW ESCAPE.
OH, RENE,
HOW MUCH LONGER
CAN WE CONTINUE
THIS DANGEROUS
EXISTENCE?
THAT IS HOW IT GOES
IN WARTORN FRANCE, EDITH.
IF WE PLAY OUR CARDS RIGHT,
WE MAY SURVIVE.
IN ANY EVENT, WE MUST
JUST WORRY ONE DAY AT A TIME.
WELL, WHEN IT IS ALL OVER,
I JUST HOPE WE ARE
ON THE WINNING SIDE.
WE ARE SURE
TO BE, EDITH.
WE ARE ON
EVERYBODY'S SIDE.
AND MEANTIME,
I AM CLOSE
TO THE WOMAN I LOVE.
OH, RENE,
YOU ARE
MY WONDER MAN.
( knocking )
WHO IS THAT?
CAN THEY NOT SEE
I HAVE CLOSED THE CAFE?
DID I, UH...
MISS ANYTHING?
HANG AROUND,
I WILL TELL YOU LATER.
( theme music playing )
YOU WILL HAVE
TO FORGIVE ME
IF I TALK TO YOU
WITH MY MOUTH FULL,
BUT I AM HERE TO SELECT
SOME CHEESES FOR MY CAFE.
NOW, THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE
BEEN FOLLOWING MY ADVENTURES
WILL KNOW THAT
I AM VERY CLOSE
TO A COMPLETE
NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.
TOO STRONG.
FOR THE LAST FEW DAYS
I HAVE BEEN HARBORING
A SECRET CODING APPARATUS,
CALLED THE ENIGMA MACHINE.
THE RESISTANCE ARE TRYING
TO GET THIS TO ENGLAND,
BY PLACING IT
IN A WINE BARREL,
AND FLOATING IT
INTO THE TOWN DRAIN,
TO BE PICKED UP
BY A TWO-MAN MIDGET SUBMARINE.
TO DO THIS, THE ENTIRE
POPULATION OF NOUVION
WAS SUPPOSED TO FLUSH
THEIR TOILETS
AT ONE AND THE SAME TIME.
TOO SALTY.
IT WILL DO FOR THE CUSTOMERS
TO PUT IN THEIR EARS
WHEN MY WIFE IS SINGING.
NOW WHERE WAS I?
OH, YES, THE TOILET.
NOW, NEEDLESS TO SAY,
THERE WAS A COCK-UP.
THE BARREL THAT WE PUT
INTO THE DRAIN
CONTAINED NOT A CODING MACHINE,
BUT SOME UNDERWEAR BELONGING
TO MY WAITRESS, YVETTE,
WHICH EVEN AS WE SPEAK,
IS PROBABLY IN THE HANDS
OF THE HEAD OF MI-5,
WHO IS PROBABLY TRYING
TO DECODE IT.
HE WILL FIND NOTHING
OF INTEREST,
EXCEPT THAT YVETTE
IS VERY WELL BUILT.
THAT'S TOO YOUNG.
FORTUNATELY, THE MACHINE
IS NO LONGER IN MY POSSESSION,
WHICH IS WHY I HAVE NOT GONE
COMPLETELY ROUND THE TWIST.
- UGH!
- (spits )
TOO OLD.
PSST!
WHAT IS THE MATTER?
I HAVE CALLED
AN URGENT MEETING.
WHERE IS EVERYBODY?
WHY DO THEY
TAKE NO NOTICE?
THE WORLD DOES NOT STOP
JUST FOR YOU.
GET BACK INTO THE ROOM,
AND STOP PSSTING.
WHERE IS SHE?
IN THE BACK ROOM GETTING
HER KNICKERS IN A TWIST.
MIMI, LOOK AFTER THE BAR.
PLEASE MAKE THIS
VERY SHORT,
BECAUSE WE HAVE
CUSTOMERS TO ATTEND TO.
IN THAT CASE,
I SHALL SAY THIS ONLY ONCE.
WHAT A SURPRISE.
WE ARE NO LONGER TRYING
TO SEND THE ENIGMA MACHINE
TO THE EXPERTS IN LONDON.
All:
GOOD.
COME BACK!
THERE IS MORE.
INSTEAD, THE EXPERTS ARE
COMING HERE TO EXAMINE IT.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN "HERE"?
WHY ARE THEY COMING HERE?
WE NO LONGER
HAVE THE MACHINE.
IT IS TOO DANGEROUS.
THE GERMANS ARE LOOKING
FOR IT EVERYWHERE.
THE MACHINE WILL
ONLY BE HERE LONG ENOUGH
FOR THE EXPERTS
TO EXAMINE IT.
WHERE ARE
THESE EXPERTS?
THEY WILL BE DROPPED
BY PARACHUTE,
DISGUISED
AS POLICEMEN.
THIS WILL ENABLE THEM
TO EXAMINE THE MACHINE
WITHOUT AROUSING
SUSPICION.
WHEN THEY ARRIVE
AT YOUR CAFE,
THEY WILL MAKE
THEMSELVES KNOWN
BY A SECRET SIGN.
WHAT IS THIS SIGN?
THEY WILL BRANDISH
THEIR BATONS,
LIKE THIS.
THIS GESTURE WILL NOT
GO UNNOTICED.
YOU WILL THEN
GIVE US A SIGNAL,
AND WE WILL DELIVER
THE MACHINE.
WHAT IS THE NATURE
OF THIS SIGNAL?
YOU WILL PLACE
A RED CYCLE LAMP
IN THE WINDOW OF THE BEDROOM
OF YOUR MOTHER.
A RED LAMP?
WHAT WILL
THE NEIGHBORS THINK?
YOU CAN SAY SHE IS
BEING REPAIRED
BY A ROAD GANG.
THE MACHINE WILL
THEN BE DELIVERED
BY ONE OF OUR AGENTS
DISGUISED AS A SPANISH
ACCORDION PLAYER.
OH NO!
I AM AT THE END
OF MY TETHER.
THE WIRES TO BERLIN HAVE
BEEN BURNING FIT TO BURST.
THE FUHRER IS
ELECTRIFIED WITH RAGE.
THE ENIGMA MACHINE HAS BEEN
MISSING FOR TWO DAYS,
AND HERE IS HIS ULTIMATUM:
IF IT IS NOT RECOVERED
IN 24 HOURS,
I AM TO BE SENT
TO THE RUSSIAN FRONT.
THAT IS--
TERRIBLE NEWS, GENERAL.
MIND YOU,
THEY DO NEED
A GOOD MAN OUT THERE.
YOU GREAT GENERAL.
YOU WIN THE BATTLES.
YOU BE FAMOUS HERO
IN ALL THE PAPERS.
UNFORTUNATELY,
NONE OF YOU
WILL BE READING
THE NEWSPAPERS,
IN THE SUICIDE SQUAD
OF THE AFRICA CORPS,
TO WHICH I SHALL
POST YOU BEFORE I DEPART.
NOW, HERE ARE MY ORDERS:
IF THE MACHINE IS NOT
RECOVERED BY THIS EVENING,
YOU WILL ARREST THE SIX
MOST PROMINENT PEOPLE IN THE TOWN,
MARCH THEM TO THE SQUARE,
AND SHOOT THEM.
WITH RESPECT, GENERAL,
IS THIS NOT A JOB
FOR HERR FLICK OF THE GESTAPO?
NO!
IT IS A JOB FOR YOU!
THE BUCK STOPS RIGHT HERE.
IS THIS UNDERSTOOD
BY YOU ALL?
GENERAL,
DON'T LOOK AT ME. IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM.
THEN YOU CAN LEAVE
FOR AFRICA NOW.
SUDDENLY,
IT IS MY PROBLEM.
LET IT BE DONE.
HEIL HITLER!
Colonel:
HEIL HITLER.
I THINK WE ALL
IN THE "YOU KNOW WHAT,"
RIGHT UP TO HERE.
WHAT DO YOU INTEND
THAT WE SHOULD DO,
COLONEL?
GRUBER, WE DO WHAT
WE WERE TAUGHT
AT OFFICERS'
TRAINING SCHOOL.
WE OBEY ORDERS.
THE COLONEL IS RIGHT.
WE MUST START
PEASANT SHOOTING.
AT 8:00 THIS EVENING,
WE ARREST EVERYONE
AT THE CAFE.
COLONEL,
THIS WILL GO,
MOST DEFINITELY,
AGAINST THE DICTATES
OF MY CONSCIENCE.
FOR THIS REASON
I AM CONFINING YOU
IN THIS OFFICE
UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.
AND TO MAKE SURE
THAT YOU REMAIN HERE,
YOU WILL SURRENDER
TO ME YOUR UNIFORM.
COLONEL...
NO ARGUMENTS.
GET 'EM OFF.
AH, WELL.
IN FOR A PFENNIG,
IN FOR A MARK.
( humming
"The Stripper" )
THE WOMEN HAVE BEEN
APPREHENDED, HERR FLICK.
- BRING THEM IN.
- BRING THEM IN HERE.
MOVE, MOVE!
ONE, TWO, THREE.
♪ ARISE YE CHILDREN ♪
♪ OF THE MOTHERLAND ♪
♪ THE HOUR OF FREEDOM ♪
♪ IS DRAWING NIGH... ♪
ROTTEN. SHUT UP.
I DEMAND TO KNOW
WHY WE HAVE BEEN BROUGHT HERE!
WE KNOW NOTHING.
OUR LIPS ARE SEALED.
IN A FEW MINUTES,
YOU WILL NOT BE SO CONFIDENT.
TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES.
All: NO.
TAKE THEM OFF.
OH, VERY WELL.
NOT YOU.
VON SMALLHAUSEN, WHAT IS
THE PROGRESS OF THE KETTLE?
IT IS ABOUT TO SING,
HERR FLICK.
THAT WILL BE HOT ENOUGH
FOR MY PURPOSE.
BRING IT HERE.
IF YOU TELL ME
ALL I NEED TO KNOW,
YOU WILL
LEAVE HERE UNHARMED.
IN EACH OF THESE CUPS,
I AM PLACING
A NEW GERMAN INVENTION,
KNOWN AS THE TEA BAG.
IT WAS INVENTED
BY BARON VON TETLEY.
HE WAS FED UP
WITH HIS CASTLE SINK
BEING BUNGED UP
WITH LEAVES.
YOU GERMANS ARE
MOST INGENIOUS.
DRINK.
ARE YOU TRYING
TO POISON US?
THE DRINK IS
QUITE HARMLESS.
YOU HAVE MY WORD
AS A GESTAPO OFFICER.
DRINK.
LITTLE DO THEY KNOW,
THAT MIXED IN
WITH THE TEA BAG
IS A RARE DRUG,
DISTILLED
FROM THE SWEAT GLANDS
OF THE PATAGONIAN
FRUIT BAT.
IT IS QUITE
PALATABLE.
I DO NOT THINK
IT IS POISON.
IT HAS NO EFFECT ON ME,
EXCEPT I HAVE
A STRANGE DESIRE
TO HANG UPSIDE DOWN.
WHAT WILL BE THE EFFECT
OF THIS DRUG, HERR FLICK?
IT IS SAID TO BE
MORE POWERFUL
THAN SODIUM PENTATHOL.
THEY WILL BE COMPELLED
TO TELL THE TRUTH.
WHAT IS
YOUR NAME?
EDITH MELBA ARTOIS.
YOURS?
YVETTE CARTE-BLANCHE.
YOURS?
MIMI... LABONQ.
I THINK IT IS WORKING,
HERR FLICK.
HOW OLD ARE YOU?
18.
19.
NEARLY 27.
OBVIOUSLY ANOTHER
FAULTY BATCH.
WE ARE WASTING OUR TIME.
RELEASE THEM.
EDITH!
EDITH, YVETTE, MIMI?
WHERE IS EVERYBODY?
IT IS TIME WE WERE OPEN.
GOOD MOANING.
GOOD MOANING.
I HAVE BAD NOSE.
YOUR WIFF
AND YOUR WOTRESSES
HAVE BEEN ARROSTED
BY THE GESTOOPO.
WHAT?!
WHEN?
I HAVE BEEN LYING DOWN--
THEY MAY HAVE REVILED
THAT SECRET URGENTS
ARE TO MOTE HERE TO LICK
AT THE ENIGMA APPAROTUS.
OH MY GOD!
WHAT AM I
GOING TO DO?
I THINK IT WOULD BE WOOSE
IF WE ALL LEFT TIN.
I HAVE BROUGHT
FOR YOU
A DISGEESE
IN THIS SOTCUSS.
EDITH!
THIS IDIOT SAYS THAT
YOU HAD BEEN CAPTURED BY THE GESTAPO.
HE WAS RIGHT.
IT WAS A TERRIBLE
EXPERIENCE.
DO NOT WORRY,
WE TOLD HIM NOTHING.
HE GAVE US
A CUP OF TEA
AND THEN
HE RELEASED US.
ARE YOU SURE IT
WAS NOT DRUGGED?
I DO NOT THINK SO,
BUT IT DID TASTE
A BIT FUNNY.
IT DOES NOT SEEM
TO HAVE AFFECTED US.
ON THE OTHER HAND,
MY HEARING HAS
BECOME VERY ACUTE,
AND MIMI HAS BEEN BEHAVING
A LITTLE STRANGELY.
LOOK, YOU MUST
TELL MICHELLE TO SEND THE BRITISH AGENTS BACK.
THIS WHOLE PLAN
IS LUNACY.
TOO LUTE, THE BUMMER
IS ALREADY ON THE WEE.
EEK, EEK.
EE-EEK.
WHAT IS THE MATTER
WITH HER?
EEK, EEK, EE-EEK.
SHE SAYS SHE
IS GOING TO SLEEP
AND DOES NOT WISH TO BE
WOKEN UNTIL NIGHTFALL.
MY GOD, WHAT WAS
IN THAT TEA?
TAKE HER
INTO THE KITCHEN
AND PUT HER HEAD
UNDER THE COLD WATER TAP.
EEK, EE-EEK,
EE-EEK, EE-EEK.
THIS WOULD JUST HAPPEN
AT OPENING TIME.
ALL RIGHT, WE ARE OPEN.
COME ON IN.
GOOD EVENING,
JACQUES, PIERRE.
THANKS, AWFULLY.
WE'VE JUST BEEN
FOR A BREATH OF FRESH AIR.
MY GOD, THE BRITISH AIRMEN.
YOU CANNOT STAY HERE!
WHAT'S HE SAYING?
I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T SPEAK A WORD OF THE LANGUAGE.
THIS WHOLE PLACE
IS CRAWLING WITH GERMANS.
- YOU WILL HAVE TO HIDE.
- WE'RE GONNA HAVE A DRINK.
Rene:
NO, NO, YOU WILL GET US ALL SHOT.
Both:
CHEERS.
Yvette:
RENE, THEY ARE BOTH DRINKING
BLACK COFFEE
IN THE KITCHEN.
I'M SURE THEY
WILL BE ALL RIGHT IN A MINUTE.
MY GOD! GERMANS.
THINK OF A WAY TO GET
THESE AIRMEN UPSTAIRS.
I KNOW THE WAY.
BY JOVE!
FREE CIGARETTES!
( clears throat )
RENE,
TRY NOT TO LOOK
SO SURPRISED.
I'M DOING THIS FOR YOU.
WELL, YOU REALLY NEED
NOT HAVE BOTHERED.
THERE HAVE BEEN
ONE OR TWO
VERY SERIOUS
DEVELOPMENTS.
SO I SEE.
IF THE ENIGMA MACHINE
IS NOT RETURNED
WITHIN HALF AN HOUR,
YOU ARE TO BE ARRESTED AND SHOT.
BUT, LIEUTENANT--
ER, PRIVATE, WE DO NOT
HAVE THE MACHINE.
THEN YOU MUST
LEAVE AT ONCE.
THANK YOU FOR THE WARNING,
AND FOR GOING TO SUCH
INCREDIBLE LENGTHS.
THE COLONEL CONFISCATED
MY UNIFORM,
IN CASE I SHOULD
TIP YOU THE WINK.
I PINCHED THIS
WHILE HELGA WAS
HAVING A BATH.
BUT THE, UH...
THE WIG?
IT'S HER SPARE ONE.
YOU KNOW THE SAYING,
"LIPSTICK, POWDER,
AND A LITTLE BIT OF PAINT,
MAKE A GIRL LOOK
WHAT SHE JOLLY WELL AIN'T."
NO, I'VE NEVER HEARD.
WOMEN, RENE,
ARE ALL DECEIVERS.
ER, I THINK THE BATH
MUST HAVE RUN COLD.
HELGA IS JUST ABOUT
TO ENTER THE CAFE.
HIDE ME, RENE.
IF SHE REVEALS ME
TO THE COLONEL, I AM UNDONE.
SIT THERE,
SIT THERE!
HOLD THIS MENU UP
IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE.
HELGA,
WHAT A PRETTY
HELMET.
ARE YOU
ON MANEUVERS?
NO, I AM ON TRANQUILIZERS.
MY UNIFORM
HAS BEEN STOLEN.
LOOK!
I SUSPECT
LIEUTENANT GRUBER DID IT,
IN ORDER TO WARN YOU
OF YOUR IMPENDING FATE.
NO, I AM SURE IT COULD NOT
HAVE BEEN LIEUTENANT GRUBER,
OR HE WOULD HAVE TAKEN
YOUR UNDERWEAR AS WELL.
HAVE YOU NOT SEEN HIM?
NO, NEITHER HIDE NOR HAIR.
I SHALL SIT HERE
AND WAIT FOR HIM.
( Rene stammering )
WHY NOT HOLD THIS MENU
IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE?
THEN HE WOULD NOT
RECOGNIZE YOU,
SHOULD HE
EVER COME IN.
RENE, EVERYTHING
IS UNDER CONTROL.
- HOW IS MIMI?
- SHE IS STABILIZED.
SHE IS HANGING IN THE LARDER,
NEXT TO THE HAM.
LOOK,
WE HAVE A PROBLEM.
SITTING OVER THERE
IS LIEUTENANT GRUBER,
WEARING THE CLOTHES
OF HELGA.
YOU MEAN,
"HE HAS A PROBLEM."
LISTEN!
OVER AT THE TABLE
BY THE WINDOW,
IS HELGA WEARING A TIN HAT
AND VERY LITTLE ELSE.
IF THE ENIGMA MACHINE
IS NOT RETURNED
TO THE GERMANS
WITHIN HALF AN HOUR
I AM TO BE
ARRESTED AND SHOT.
Yvette:
RENE, RENE.
I HAVE JUST SEEN THROUGH
THE UPSTAIRS WINDOW,
TWO POLICEMEN
APPROACHING THE CAFE.
MY GOD, THEY ARE PROBABLY
COMING TO ARREST ME!
Both:
GOOD MOANING.
THE BRITISH AGENTS.
THAT IS CORROCT.
GET OFFICER
CRABTREE.
I WILL PUT AT ONCE
IN THE WINDOW
OF MY MOTHER,
THE RED LAMP.
WHERE IS
THE APPAROOTIS?
LOOK, THIS PLACE IS
CRAWLING WITH GERMANS.
PLEASE GO AWAY!
KEEP A COOL HOD
AND DO NOT PINIC.
ALL WE NEED IS A QUICK LICK
TO SEE HOW IT WICKS,
AND WE'LL BE
IFF TO ONGLAND.
AGENT SIXTY-NOON.
AGENT FARTY.
RENE, RENE!
ARGH, WHY HAS EDITH
PLACED IN MY WINDOW,
A RED LAMP?
DOES SHE NOT KNOW
THAT I HAVE RETIRED?
GET BACK UP THE STAIRS,
YOU STUPID OLD BAT.
DISGUISED AS
AN ACCORDION,
THE ENIGMA MACHINE
APPROACHES.
WE WILL ARROST
THE MOOSICIANS
AND TAKE THEM
INTO THE BACK RIM,
WHERE YOU WILL DISCOVER
ITS SECRETS.
THEN YOU CAN RETAIN
THE INFOAMATION TO LONDON.
I HOPE YOU
DO THIS QUICKLY.
IF THE GERMANS DON'T
GET THE MACHINE BACK,
I AM TO BE
PERSONALLY SHOT.
( accordion plays )
OLE.
OH MY GOD.
♪ LADY OF SPAIN ♪
♪ I ADORE YOU ♪
♪ RIGHT FROM THE NIGHT ♪
♪ I FIRST SAW YOU ♪
♪ MY HEART IS DOING ♪
♪ A YO-YO... ♪
♪ WHAT ELSE CAN ♪
♪ ANY HEART DO? ♪
♪ LADY OF SPAIN... ♪
OH MY GOD,
THE GENERAL.
HE HAS COME FOR ME.
♪ ALL THAT MY EYES
ARE REVEALING ♪
♪ LADY OF SPAIN ♪
♪ I LOVE YOU... ♪
STOP!
DARL-- WHA--
I AM ARROSTING YOU
FOR BIGGING AND
DISTOOBING THE PUSS.
PSST!
IT IS I, LECLERC.
SHUT UP
AND COME WITH MOO.
WHAT FOR YOU
STOP THE MUSIC?
IT WAS VERY GOOD.
MORE, MORE.
♪ LADY OF SPAIN ♪
♪ I ADORE YOU-- ♪
STOP!
DO NOT INTERFERE
WITH THE LOCAL AFFAIRS, CAPTAIN.
CARRY ON WITH YOUR DUTY.
THE ENEMA IS
IN THE ORGAN.
OOH!
I SEE FROM HER INSIGNIA
THAT GIRL IS IN YOUR UNIT.
THE LEGS SEEM FAMILIAR,
BUT I DO NOT
RECOGNIZE THE FACE.
HEY, YOU.
HOW YOU LIKE
THE GOOD TIME
WITH THE BIG HERO?
YOU MUST FORGIVE ME,
BUT I AM NOT VERY KEEN
ON MOUSTACHES.
THAT'S GRUBER.
WHAT A MISTAKE TO MAKE.
WHAT'S HE DOING?
OFFICERS OFF DUTY
CAN PLEASE THEMSELVES
HOW THEY WHILE AWAY
THE HOURS.
IF YOU HAVE
A PROBLEM, GRUBER,
POP BY MY QUARTERS
AND HAVE A DRINK.
TIME IS UP.
THE MACHINE HAS
NOT BEEN RETURNED.
IT IS NOW TIME TO START
TO ARREST THE PEASANTS.
SOLDIER, ARREST THE CAFE OWNER,
HIS WIFE AND THE WAITRESSES.
IT IS I, HELGA.
MY GOD, YOU ARE
OFF DUTY, TOO.
PORTRAITS, PORTRAITS,
WHO WILL BUY
A PORTRAIT
FROM A POOR OLD
PORTRAIT PAINTER?
TELL THE CAFE OWNER
TO GET OFF HIS KNEES.
HE'S UNDER ARREST.
BUT I HAVE
DONE NOTHING.
COLONEL,
TAKE THIS MAN OUTSIDE
AND PREPARE HIM
FOR EXECUTION.
YES, GENERAL.
STOP.
NOBODY IS TO LEAVE
THIS CAFE.
HOW DARE YOU
POINT YOUR GUN
AT A GENERAL?
HOW DARE YOU
POINT YOUR GUN
AT AN OFFICER
OF THE GESTAPO?
THE GENERAL SAID IT FIRST.
THERE ARE NOW TWO GUNS
POINTING AT YOU.
GRUBER, HAVE YOU
GOT A GUN?
I WILL HAVE A LOOK.
LIPSTICK, NAIL POLISH,
A PAIR OF SUSPENDERS...
Colonel:
HELGA?
I AM UNARMED.
I AM STUNNED.
HAVE YOU RECOVERED
THE ENIGMA APPARATUS?
MIND YOUR OWN
BUSINESS.
GENTLEMAN,
I HAVE GOOD NOSE.
GENERAL, COLONEL,
THE RESISTANCE, WHO,
OF COURSE, I DO NOT KNOW AT ALL,
HAVE JUST THROWN
THE ENIGMA MACHINE
THROUGH THE WINDOW
OF MY BACK PARLOR.
THIS IS VERY STRANGE.
I HEARD NOTHING.
( glass shatters )
THERE IT WAS.
HERE YOU ARE,
GENERAL.
THERE IS A NOTE--
"TO SAVE THE LIFE
OF AN INNOCENT CAFE OWNER
WHO HAS NO CONNECTION
WITH THE RESISTANCE,
THIS MACHINE
IS RETURNED."
I CANNOT READ
THE SIGNATURE
AS THE INK
IS STILL WET.
GOOD.
STRONG ACTIONS
ALWAYS PRODUCE RESULTS.
THE SITUATION
IS NOW CLOSED.
BUT INQUIRIES
WILL CONTINUE
AFTER I HAVE PHONED
MY TAILOR
AND CANCELLED
MY WINTER UNIFORM.
AGAIN I AM THWARTED.
SO AM I.
YOUR THWART
IS SMALLER.
PERHAPS YOU GENTLEMEN
WOULD CARE TO JOIN ME
IN MY QUARTERS
FOR A LITTLE SCHNAPPS?
THANK YOU, GENERAL.
IT WILL BE QUITE INFORMAL.
NO NEED
TO CHANGE, GRUBER.
THERE'S NO NEED FOR YOU
TO CHANGE EITHER, EH?
LET US
CLOSE THE CAFE.
YES, I'M SORRY,
WE ARE CLOSED.
THANK YOU, VERY MUCH,
GENTLEMEN, FOR COMING.
YVETTE.
ANOTHER NARROW ESCAPE.
OH, RENE,
HOW MUCH LONGER
CAN WE CONTINUE
THIS DANGEROUS
EXISTENCE?
THAT IS HOW IT GOES
IN WARTORN FRANCE, EDITH.
IF WE PLAY OUR CARDS RIGHT,
WE MAY SURVIVE.
IN ANY EVENT, WE MUST
JUST WORRY ONE DAY AT A TIME.
WELL, WHEN IT IS ALL OVER,
I JUST HOPE WE ARE
ON THE WINNING SIDE.
WE ARE SURE
TO BE, EDITH.
WE ARE ON
EVERYBODY'S SIDE.
AND MEANTIME,
I AM CLOSE
TO THE WOMAN I LOVE.
OH, RENE,
YOU ARE
MY WONDER MAN.
( knocking )
WHO IS THAT?
CAN THEY NOT SEE
I HAVE CLOSED THE CAFE?
DID I, UH...
MISS ANYTHING?
HANG AROUND,
I WILL TELL YOU LATER.
( theme music playing )