'Allo 'Allo (1982–1992): Season 4, Episode 5 - The Sausage in the Trousers - full transcript

( theme music playing )

AT 10:00 IN THE MORNING,

IT IS NOT USUAL
TO FIND ME IN BED.

BUT I AM SUFFERING
FROM NERVOUS EXHAUSTION.

IN THE LAST 24 HOURS,

I HAVE BEEN CAUGHT IN THE ARMS
OF MY MISTRESS, YVETTE,

BY MONSIEUR ALPHONSE,
THE UNDERTAKER--

THE MAN WHO WISHES
TO MARRY MY WIFE,

WHO IN TURN
WISHES TO MARRY ME,

DUE TO THE FACT
THAT EVERYONE THINKS

I AM DEAD AND NOW POSING
AS MY OWN TWIN BROTHER



AND LIVING WITH HER
IN SIN.

AND AS IF THAT
WAS NOT ENOUGH,

MY WIFE IS ALSO BEING COURTED
BY A RANDY ITALIAN CAPTAIN.

MY NEW WAITRESS,
MIMI LABONQ,

IS AFTER MY BODY.

AND YOU MAY RECALL

I SPENT MOST OF
YESTERDAY AFTERNOON

CHASING A FLYING NUN
WITH A RADIO ON HER BACK

SUSPENDED FROM
AN OVERSIZED KITE.

IS IT ANY WONDER
THAT I AM SUFFERING FROM NERVOUS EXHAUSTION?

( knocks on door )

RENE,

RENE, LET ME IN!

THAT IS MIMI,
THE ONE I TOLD YOU ABOUT.



I DARE NOT LET MY WIFE
CATCH HER IN MY ARMS.

THAT IS WHY I HAVE
LOCKED THE DOOR.

( knocks )

PLEASE, RENE,
LET ME IN!

GO AWAY.
THINK OF MY WIFE.

SHE IS IN
THE KITCHEN.

THERE IS A KEY
UNDER THE MAT.

RENE!

AH!

RENE, WHY ARE YOU
TRYING TO AVOID ME?

I JUST THOUGHT WE--

I THOUGHT WE MIGHT
WORK UP TO THIS POINT.

YOU KNOW, A ROMANTIC STROLL
DOWN LOVER'S LANE,

A FURTIVE GLANCE
IN CHURCH,

A QUICK PEEK AT YOU HAVING
A BATH THROUGH THE KEYHOLE.

RENE,

NOW THAT WE
ARE TOGETHER,

LET ME DO SOMETHING
TO MAKE YOU FEEL WARM AND WONDERFUL.

WELL...

YOU CAN FILL
MY HOT WATER BOTTLE.

Edith:
RENE.

I HAVE FOR YOU
YOUR BREAKFAST.

QUICK, IT IS
THE WIFE, HIDE!

THE BED!

I MEANT UNDER IT,
NOT IN IT.

RENE.

OH MY GOD,
TOO LATE.

RENE,
MY POOR HUSBAND,

HOW IS THE ACHE
IN YOUR HEAD?

A LITTLE BETTER, MY DEAR.

THE PEACE AND QUIET
ARE DOING ME GOOD.

ESPECIALLY THE PEACE.

YOU ARE STILL
VERY JUMPY.

SHALL I GET IN
BESIDE YOU

AND RUB YOUR NECK?

NO! NO, EDITH. NO.

ALL THAT RUNNING
AND CHASING YESTERDAY.

YOU MUST STILL
BE VERY STIFF.

NO MORE THAN
YOU WOULD EXPECT.

THERE.

I HAVE BROUGHT FOR YOU
A SOFT-BOILED EGG WITH SOLDIERS,

TOAST, HONEY,
AND A POT OF COFFEE.

YOU ARE
A TREASURE, EDITH.

IS THERE
ANYTHING ELSE?

COULD YOU BRING
ANOTHER CUP?

GOOD MORNING,
MONSIEUR ALPHONSE.

I HAVE COME TO SEE
MADAME EDITH.

SHE IS UPSTAIRS GIVING
TO HER HUSBAND THE BREAKFAST.

THAT BOUNDER.

THAT ROTTER.

THAT CAD.

THAT UNPRINCIPLED
INNKEEPER!

MONSIEUR ALPHONSE,
PLEASE REMEMBER,

I AM HIS MISTRESS.

MY APOLOGIES,
MADEMOISELLE.

WITH MY DICKY HEART,

I SHOULD NOT GET
IN SUCH A TIZZ-WAZZ.

I AM SO CONSUMED
BY JEALOUSY,

THAT I AM FORGETTING
THAT WE FRENCHMAN

HAVE THIS GREAT
TRADITION

OF HAVING IT OFF
LIKE RABBITS.

OH, MONSIEUR ALPHONSE.

DEAR, BEAUTIFUL MADAME,

I HAVE AN URGENT
MESSAGE FOR YOU.

FROM THE RESISTANCE?

NO, FROM ME.

COME INTO THE BACK ROOM.

I LOVE YOU,
I LOVE YOU!

OH!

AT LAST,

WE ARE ALONE.

- HELLO!
- HELLO!

GO AWAY!

NOW, MONSIEUR ALPHONSE,

WHAT IS YOUR MESSAGE?

I AM A VERY BUSY WOMAN.

DEAR LADY,

IT IS MANY WEEKS NOW

I HAVE LOVED YOU
FROM AFAR.

I THINK OF YOU
DAY AND NIGHT.

EVEN WHEN
I AM EMBALMING,

IT IS YOUR FACE
THAT HAUNTS ME--

HAUNTS ME
THROUGH THE FLUID.

I CANNOT CONTAIN
MY PASSION ANY LONGER.

I MUST KISS
THOSE TEMPTING,

SENSUOUS LIPS.

MONSIEUR ALPHONSE,

YOU ARE VERY NAUGHTY,

BUT SINCE YOU PUT IT
SO NICELY,

YOU MAY HAVE
ONE LITTLE PECK.

OH, MADAME.

MONSIEUR ALPHONSE!

OH!

IF JUST MY LIPS
DID THIS,

I MUST WITHHOLD FROM HIM
THE REST OF ME.

YOU HAVE CLEANED
THE BATHROOM WELL, MIMI.

NOW GO ABOUT
YOUR BUSINESS IN THE CAFE.

ARE WE ALONE?

APART FROM
FOUR CUSTOMERS, TWO OF MY STAFF,

AND ONE OF YOURS, YES.

GATHER ROUND.

LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY.

SHE WILL SAY
THIS ONLY ONCE.

I AM NOT GOING
TO SAY ANYTHING.

I'M GOING
TO ASK A QUESTION.

WHERE IS THE RADIO?

BACK IN THE BEDROOM
OF MY WIFE'S MOTHER,

FOR WHAT GOOD IT IS.

WE LOST THE BATTERIES
CROSSING THE RIVER,

TRYING TO CATCH
THIS FLYING NUN HERE.1

THE DYNAMO ON
THIS BICYCLE

WILL PROVIDE A TEMPORARY
SOURCE OF POWER.

BUT WILL NOT THE GERMANS
BE SUSPICIOUS

IF THEY SEARCH AND FIND
A BICYCLE IN THE BEDROOM

OF MY MOTHER-IN-LAW?

YOU WILL SAY IT IS
A KEEP FIT MACHINE.

IS IT NOT A BIT LATE?

SHE IS 86!

IT WILL NOT
BE FOR LONG.

ALREADY WE HAVE
STOLEN MORE BATTERIES

FROM A GERMAN
MIDGET SUBMARINE.

THEY WILL
BE DELIVERED TO YOU

BY ONE OF OUR AGENTS.

DISGUISED AS
A TORPEDO I SUPPOSE.

HE WILL MAKE HIMSELF
KNOWN TO YOU

BY A SECRET SIGN.

WHAT WILL THIS SIGN BE?

HE WILL PUT HIS
FINGER IN HIS EAR

AND HE WILL
WIGGLE HIS NOSE LIKE THIS.

I WILL WATCH OUT
FOR SUCH A MAN.

I HAVE MORE GOOD NEWS.

THE EXPLOSIVES
HAVE ARRIVED.

OH GOOD.

THEY WILL BE KEPT
IN YOUR CELLAR.

THEY WILL BE DELIVERED
BY ANOTHER OF OUR AGENTS.

THE STICKS OF DYNAMITE
WILL BE CONCEALED

IN SPECIAL COMPARTMENTS
IN HIS TROUSERS.

HOW WILL I KNOW THIS MAN?

HE WILL BE WALKING
VERY GINGERLY.

LOOK OUT, HERE COMES
THE GERMAN LIEUTENANT.

ACT NORMALLY.

I WILL DISAPPEAR
LIKE A PHANTOM

DOWN THE BACK PASSAGE.

YES.

AH, RENE.

GOOD MORNING, LIEUTENANT.

YOU LOOK VERY SMART.

THANK YOU.

YOU WILL NOTICE

I AM WALKING
RATHER GINGERLY.

DO NOT TELL ME YOU HAVE
DYNAMITE IN YOUR TROUSERS.

RENE--

RENE, DO NOT LISTEN
TO GOSSIP.

NO NO.
I HAVE BEEN EXERCISING

ONE OF THE GENERAL'S
HORSES--

A MAGNIFICENT
BLACK STALLION.

THERE IS NOTHING LIKE
THE SIGHT OF A HANDSOME BEAST

WITH NOSTRILS FLARING,

FOAM FLYING FROM THE MOUTH,

CLATTERING OVER THE COBBLES,
SCATTERING THE PEASANTS.

I EXPECT THE HORSE
ENJOYED IT AS WELL.

HAVE A SEAT,
LIEUTENANT.

- OH, RENE.
- YES?

YOU ARE UP
AND ABOUT.

STILL VERY FRAIL,
MY DEAR.

MONSIEUR ALPHONSE HAS JUST
HAD A VERY FUNNY TURN IN THE BACK ROOM.

I THINK WE SHOULD
GIVE HIM A COGNAC.

IT IS MY DICKY TICKER,
YOU UNDERSTAND.

HERE YOU ARE,
MONSIEUR ALPHONSE.

OH HECK, HERR FLICK.

THE GESTAPO!

GOOD MORNING,
HERR FLICK.

A COGNAC?

IT IS I-- HELGA.

I HAVE VERY SERIOUS NEWS
WHICH COULD AFFECT EACH ONE OF US.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING
IN HERR FLICK'S CLOTHES?

I AM WEARING HIS CLOTHES,
BECAUSE HE HAS TAKEN MINE.

SEE?

HERR FLICK HAS
DISGUISED HIMSELF

AS A TEMPORARY
LADY STENOGRAPHER

OF THE FEMALE SEX.

HE HAS SECRETED
A LISTENING DEVICE

IN A DAFFODIL,
IN A VASE OF FLOWERS,

ON THE DESK
OF COLONEL VON STROHM.

APART FROM THE SATISFACTION

HE OBTAINS FROM WEARING
GIRL'S CLOTHES,

WHY WOULD HE DO THIS?

HE SUSPECTS GENERAL
VON KLINKERHOFFEN AND THE COLONEL

OF BEING
INVOLVED IN A PLOT TO BLOW UP HITLER!

THUS, THE HATED SCOURGE
OF EUROPE

WILL DIE THE PAINFUL DEATH

FOR WHICH THE FREE WORLD
HAS BEEN PRAYING.

MIMI,

MANNERS!

LOOK, HELGA, I HAVE NO WISH
TO KNOW ABOUT ANY OF THIS.

BUT DO YOU NOT SEE?

IF IT IS TRUE,
AND THE COLONEL IS TORTURED,

WE WILL ALL
BE IMPLICATED.

BECAUSE HE MAY REVEAL
THAT LIEUTENANT GRUBER IS PAINTING A FORGERY

OF THE FALLEN MADONNA
WITH THE BIG BOOBIES.

AND THE VAN GOGH
WITH THE BIG DAISIES.

HOW LUCKY HE DID NOT
PAINT THE FAN DANCER.

GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN
HAS AN APPOINTMENT

TO SEE THE COLONEL
AT THIS VERY HOUR.

I MUST WARN HIM AT ONCE.

OH!

WAIT OUTSIDE THE DOORS.

ANNOUNCE ME.

YES, GENERAL.

YOU ARE NEW HERE,
ARE YOU NOT?

MY NAME IS IRMA
VON KINKENROTTEN.

I AM ONLY TEMPORARY.

WAIT.

THE TOP BUTTON OF YOUR JACKET
IS UNDONE. ATTEND TO IT.

YES, GENERAL.

STOP!

THE SEAM OF YOUR
RIGHT STOCKING IS CROOKED.

SEE TO IT.

YOU HAVE GOOD LEGS.

PITY ABOUT THE LIMP.

GENERAL
VON KLINKERHOFFEN!

GOOD MORNING, GENERAL.

NICE TO SEE YOU.

HEIL HITLER!

OH, YES.
HEIL HITLER!

I HAVE BEEN
BUSILY ENGAGED

ACQUIRING NOVELTIES
FOR THE PARTY

TO CELEBRATE
HITLER'S BIRTHDAY.

UNFORTUNATELY, THE FUHRER
WILL NOT BE WITH US,

BUT WE WILL HAVE
SUITABLE CELEBRATIONS

WITH SOME OF MY GENERALS
AND THE SENIOR OFFICERS.

IT WILL BE
MOST JOLLY.

VON SMALLHAUSEN,
CAN YOU HEAR ME?

YES, HERR FLICK.

I AM WATCHING
TWO LADYBIRDS

ENGAGED IN A MOST
UNUSUAL ACTIVITY.

PAY ATTENTION!

THE GENERAL IS TALKING
TO THE COLONEL.

PUT ON YOUR EARPHONES
AND ACTIVATE

THE SECRET MICROPHONE
ON THE COLONEL'S DESK.

AT ONCE, HERR FLICK.

( gears whir )

HERE IS THE SEATING PLAN
FOR HITLER'S BIRTHDAY PARTY.

THE SEATING PLAN, GOOD.

I THOUGHT WE COULD
PLACE THE FUHRER,

ON A CHAIR AT THE HEAD
OF THE TABLE, LIKE THIS.

A NICE TOUCH,
I APPROVE.

THERE IS TO BE A PARTY.

HITLER WILL BE PLACED
AT THE HEAD OF THE TABLE.

I AM WRITING THIS DOWN.

KEEP LISTENING.

AND HERE IS THE MENU
FOR YOUR APPROVAL.

I WILL APPROVE
THIS DOCUMENT PERSONALLY.

AFTER COFFEE,

WE WILL PUT ON
SOMETHING LIKE THIS.

AND WHAT DO YOU
THINK OF THIS?

QUITE AMUSING.

IT CHANGES YOUR APPEARANCE
COMPLETELY.

THEY WILL BE
WEARING DISGUISE.

DISGUISE.
KEEP LISTENING.

I HAVE FOUND
A SUPPLIER

WHO CAN LET ME HAVE
TWO CASES OF THESE.

TWO CASES?
THAT IS A LOT.

WHO IS GOING TO DO
THE BLOWING UP?

NOT ME,
NOT AT MY AGE.

NO, WE NEED A YOUNGER MAN.
I WILL GET GRUBER TO DO IT.

THE GENERAL INTENDS
TO MAKE HERR GRUBER

DO THE BLOWING UP OF HITLER.

WHAT A PITY HITLER
WILL NOT BE HERE TO ENJOY IT.

( hoofbeats approach )

( horse whinnies )

AH, THAT WILL BE
GRUBER NOW.

LIEUTENANT GRUBER,

YOU HAVE BARGED INTO
THIS OFFICE WITHOUT KNOCKING,

AND YOU HAVE PUT
A RIDING GLOVE OVER A DAFFODIL.

WHAT IS YOUR EXPLANATION
FOR THIS CONDUCT?

( mouthing words )

WHAT?

THAT DAFFODIL CONTAINS
A MICROPHONE.

PLANTED BY THE GESTAPO

TO EAVESDROP
ON YOUR CONVERSATION.

THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS!

WHO IS RESPONSIBLE?

HERR FLICK.

HE IS EVEN NOW
IN YOUR OUTER OFFICE,

DISGUISED AS
A FEMALE SECRETARY

OF THE OPPOSITE SEX.

GUARDS, IN HERE!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I AM GOING TO
PLACE HIM IN CUSTODY.

BUT GENERAL, YOU CANNOT ARREST
HERR FLICK OF THE GESTAPO.

TRUE, BUT I CAN ARREST
A FEMALE SECRETARY

OF THE OPPOSITE SEX.

ARREST THAT WOMAN
OUT THERE,

AND TAKE HER
TO THE DUNGEONS OF MY CHATEAU.

YES, HERR GENERAL.

THAT SHOULD KEEP
THE GESTAPO

OUT OF OUR HAIR
FOR A WHILE.

EDITH!

WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM, MAMA?

EDITH,

LAST NIGHT, I PRAYED

THAT I WOULD ONCE AGAIN

SEE MY SISTER IN AVIGNON.

I AWOKE TO FIND

GOD HAD SENT ME A BICYCLE.

THE BICYCLE IS
FOR THE WIRELESS, MAMMA.

QUICK, LIFT THE BED.

All:
ONE, TWO, THREE-- UP!

TAKE THE FRONT, YVETTE.

NOW, LONDON WILL BE
THROUGH AT ANY MOMENT.

THE BICYCLE IS
CONNECTED TO THE RADIO.

WE NEED 12 VOLTS.

FASTER, FASTER.

I FEEL LIKE A MAD HAMSTER.

- FASTER, FASTER!
- STOP, YOU STUPID--

HE HAS LET HIS BODY
RUN TO SEED.

- FASTER!
- STOP THAT!

OH, THE FLASHING KNOBS.

QUICK, THE RADIO.

YOUR BREATH
IS VERY HOT.

YOUR SHORTS ARE VERY THIN.

Male Voice:
'Allo Nighthawk, 'allo Nighthawk.

Pass your message, over.

LOUISE CANNOT
READ HER SCHOOLBOOKS

WITHOUT HER GLASSES.

LOUISE CANNOT
READ HER SCHOOLBOOKS

WITHOUT HER GLASSES.

LOOK, AM I BUSTING
MY LUNGS HERE

SO THE R.A.F. CAN DROP
A PAIR OF SPECTACLES

TO SOME STUPID
SCHOOLGIRL?

WHY-- WHY-- WHY--

CAN SHE NOT GO TO
THE OPTICIANS?

IT IS CODE.

WE NEED SPY CAMERAS

TO PHOTOGRAPH THE PLANS
OF THE INVASION,

THAT ARE IN THE SAFE
WE ARE GOING TO BLOW UP.

'Allo Nighthawk.

We will look up the code.

It may take a few minutes.

I CANNOT WAIT.

THERE IS ABOUT TO
BE A POWER CUT.

WE NEED SPY CAMERAS!

They will be delivered.

Do you have
the British airmen?

THE BRITISH AIRMEN--
ONE MOMENT.

OH MY GOD!

I AM KNACKERED.

- HELLO!
- HELLO!

LONDON!

OH, JOLLY GOOD SHOW.

HELLO, LONDON.

WE ARE HERE.

Male voice #2:
Wing Commander Belfridge, here.

Sorry, you've had no mail.

We've got a couple
of letters here.

There's one for Fairfax.

I'll read it.

OH, ALL RIGHT THEN.

It's from Daphne.

"Dear Cuddles,

This is a very difficult
letter to write,

but here goes.

Randy Hargreaves and I
went on a golfing holiday

to St. Andrew's
in Scotland."

THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

I WILL HAVE TO
HAVE A REST.

KEEP GOING.

TURN, PEDAL!

I THINK THEY ARE
LOSING THE MESSAGE.

KEEP PEDDLING!

OH, ALL RIGHT.

"And so, to cut
a long story short,

I found myself in the club.

Yours faithfully, Daphne."

WHAT DO YOU
MAKE OF THAT, FAIRFAX?

LUCKY GIRL.

ST. ANDREW'S IS
A JOLLY HARD CLUB TO GET INTO.

YOU HAVE A VISITOR,
FRAULEIN KINKENROTTEN.

THIS WAY.

YOU HAVE THREE
MINUTES.

HERR FLICK,
IT IS I,

VON SMALLHAUSEN.

HOW DID YOU
GET IN HERE?

I TOLD THE GUARD
IT WAS FLAG DAY.

YOU LOOK RIDICULOUS.

I OPENED
YOUR SECRET DRAWER,

AND I HAVE BROUGHT FOR YOU
YOUR SUICIDE PILL.

CRUSH IT BETWEEN
YOUR TEETH,

AND NOBODY WILL KNOW

WHAT A FOOL YOU HAVE MADE
OF YOURSELF.

YOU ARE VERY VERY STUPID,
VON SMALLHAUSEN.

I, ON THE OTHER HAND,

AM NOT CHAINED UP
IN A DUNGEON.

YOU WILL GET A MESSAGE
TO MY GODFATHER,

HEINRICH HIMMLER,
IN BERLIN,

AND YOU WILL EXPLAIN
MY PREDICAMENT.

YES, HERR FLICK,

WHAT IS HIS ADDRESS?

HIMMLER, BERLIN.

HE IS VERY FAMOUS.

IN THE MEANTIME,

YOU WILL THINK OF A WAY
TO GET ME OUT OF HERE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I TOLD THE GUARD
I WAS INJECTING YOU

AGAINST BUBONIC PLAGUE.

IT'S JUST
A SUGAR SOLUTION.

PRETEND TO GIVE IT
TO ME AND GO.

YES, HERR FLICK.

AH!

COLONEL, HOW LONG
DO YOU SUPPOSE THE GENERAL

CAN KEEP HERR FLICK
INCARCERATED IN HIS DUNGEON?

IT'S THE GENERAL'S
RESPONSIBILITY--

WE WERE ONLY
OBEYING ORDERS.

- RENE.
- GOOD EVENING.

COME AND SIT DOWN.

Gruber:
I HAVE GOOD NEWS.

WHAT IS IT HUBERT?

WE COULD DO WITH
SOME GOOD NEWS.

I HAVE COMPLETED

THE FORGERIES
OF THE PAINTINGS.

- WHERE ARE THEY?
- HERE.

WHY IN HEAVEN'S NAME
DID YOU PUT THEM IN SAUSAGES?

NOBODY TOLD ME THEY DID NOT
WANT THEM IN SAUSAGES.

WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED
TO PUT THEM IN?

NEVER MIND.
WHERE IS THE ORIGINAL

WE ARE GOING TO SELL
AFTER THE WAR?

THIS IS THE FALLEN MADONNA
WITH THE BIG BOOBIES

BY VAN CLOMP,

AND THIS AND THIS
ARE FORGERIES.

THIS IS THE CRACKED VASE
WITH THE BIG DAISIES

BY VAN GOGH.

AND THOSE TWO
ARE FORGERIES.

YOU WILL REMEMBER, COLONEL,

I AM TO HAVE
THE ORIGINAL VAN GOGH

AND THE TWO FORGERIES
ARE TO GO TO THE GENERAL.

ONE FOR HITLER,
AND ONE FOR THE GENERAL,

WHICH THE GENERAL THINKS
IS THE ORIGINAL.

CORRECT.

I THINK.

PARDON ME FOR ASKING,
LIEUTENANT,

BUT HOW WILL WE KNOW
WHICH SAUSAGE

CONTAINS WHICH PAINTING?

THEY ALL HAVE
SECRET MARKINGS...

WELL DONE, GRUBER.

...WHICH ARE KNOWN
ONLY TO ME.

THIS WILL ENSURE THAT
I AM NOT DIDDLED OUT

OF MY PIECE OF THE ACTION.

WELCOME,
CAPTAIN BERTORELLI.

HIDE THEM!

COLONEL,

MY BEAUTIFUL FRIEND.

AH, HELGA!

LOOK WHAT MY MAMA
SEND FOR US FROM ITALY.

THE BLACK MARKET SALAMI.

TAKE A SNIFF.

IS BEAUTIFUL, NO?

THEY ARE A PRESENT FOR
THE BEAUTIFUL LADY,

SENORA EDITH.

FIRST, SHE GET THE FLOWERS,

THEN SHE GET THE SAUSAGES.

THEN SHE GET ME.

THANK YOU,
CAPTAIN ALBERTO.

YOU ARE MOST GALLANT.

NOW I GO TO THE BARBER
FOR THE CUT OF THE HAIR,

SO I LOOK FOR THE LADIES
THE BEE'S KNEES.

SEE YA.

NO--

WE HAVE MIXED THEM
ALL UP.

NOW WE DO NOT KNOW
WHICH IS WHICH.

WE CAN'T SORT THEM OUT HERE.

THERE ARE TOO MANY
PEOPLE ABOUT.

TAKE THEM AWAY
AND HIDE THEM, RENE.

( yelling )
SAUSAGES,

LOVELY SAUSAGES.

WHO WILL BUY A SAUSAGE

FROM A POOR OLD
WANDERING SAUSAGE SELLER?

GET LOST!

PSST!

IT IS I, LECLERC.

GO AWAY,
WE ARE OVER-SAUSAGED.

I HAVE FOR YOU,

THE BATTERIES
FROM THE SUBMARINE.

YOU WILL NOTICE,

THAT EACH ONE

HAS GOT A TERMINAL,
ELECTRIC TERMINAL,

AT THIS END
AND THIS END.

( electric current buzzes )

GOOD MOANING.

I AM WICKING
IN A GINGER FASHION

BECAUSE MY
POLOCEMAN'S PINTS

ARE FULL OF DEENAMOTE.

THE DEENAMOTE

IS INSIDE THE SISAGES.

THANK YOU, OFFICER.

YOU COULD NOT HAVE COME
AT A BETTER TIME.

NOW GET ABOUT
YOUR BUSINESS.

GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN
IS GETTING OUT OF HIS CAR.

GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN!

- QUICK, HIDE THEM!
- HIDE THEM?

- WHERE AM I SUPPOSED
TO HIDE THEM? - ANYWHERE!

HE'S COMING.
OH MY GOD!

WHAT, WHAT--
YES, YES.

OH! AH!

GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN!

HEIL HITLER!

All:
HEIL HITLER!

BATTERIES HAVE
BEEN STOLEN FROM A MINIATURE SUBMARINE.

WHOEVER HAS
THOSE BATTERIES

IN THEIR POSSESSION
WILL BE SHOT.

YOU WILL COME WITH ME,
AND WE WILL CONDUCT

AN IMMEDIATE SEARCH
OF THE TOWN.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

YES, HERR GENERAL.

OW!

FOLLOW ME!

RENE,

WHICH ONE OF THEM
HAS THE BATTERIES DOWN HIS TROUSERS?

( buzzing )

( theme music playing )