'Allo 'Allo (1982–1992): Season 2, Episode 6 - Herr Flick's Revenge - full transcript

( theme music playing )

SOME OF YOU MAY BE CURIOUS
TO KNOW WHAT I AM DOING

IN AN HAYSTACK WEARING
A TOP HAT AND COAL SCUTTLE.

( metal rattles )

I WILL TELL YOU.

I AM HIDING
FROM MONSIEUR ALPHONSE,

A DECREPIT OLD UNDERTAKER

WHO CHALLENGED ME TO A DUEL.

MY WIFE, EDITH,
INVITED THE WHOLE VILLAGE

TO WITNESS THIS SPECTACLE.

SO, SHE WAS PARTICULARLY
DISAPPOINTED WHEN I RAN AWAY.



BUT, IT'S JUST AS WELL
THAT I DID, BECAUSE,

IN SPITE OF THE FACT THAT I WAS
ZIGZAGGING THROUGH THE WOODS,

HE STILL MANAGED TO DENT
MY SCUTTLE AT 75 YARDS.

THE QUESTION NOW IS,
HOW MUCH LONGER

CAN I GO ON HIDING FROM HIM
WITHOUT BEING DISCOVERED?

PSST, PSST, RENE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

WE ARE HAVING
A SECRET MEETING.

WE HAVE TO DECIDE
WHAT COURSE OF ACTION TO TAKE NEXT.

I WILL TELL YOU WHAT
COURSE OF ACTION TO TAKE NEXT--

GET ME TO SWITZERLAND.

WE NEED YOU HERE.

YOU ARE A VITAL LINK
IN THE ESCAPE ROUTE

OF THE BRITISH AIRMEN.



THE BALLOON
IS ASSEMBLED,

A FAVORABLE WIND
IS EXPECTED.

WE WILL NEED YOU TO TAKE
THE BRITISH AIRMEN TO THE RENDEZVOUS.

DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?

THAT MANIAC UNDERTAKER
IS TRYING TO KILL ME.

WE HAVE DECIDED
ON A DISGUISE.

YOU HAVE?

OH, MICHELLE,

HOW CAN I EVER REPAY YOU?

TAKE OFF
YOUR CLOTHES.

THE RESISTANCE
DON'T MESS ABOUT, DO THEY?

COULD WE NOT KISS AND CUDDLE
A LITTLE BIT FIRST?

IT IS SO YOU CAN
PUT ON YOUR DISGUISE.

OH.

I THOUGHT MY LUCK
HAD CHANGED.

( singing off-key )
♪ WHO-OOO MEANS MY HAPPINESS? ♪

♪ WHO-OOO WOULD I NOT ♪

♪ SAY YES TO-OOO? ♪

♪ WELL, YOU OUGHT TO GUESS ♪

♪ WHO-OOO ♪

♪ NO ONE BUT YOU-OOO. ♪

MADAME, YOU HAVE
A VOICE IN A MILLION.

WHEN WE ARE MARRIED,
I WILL SING TO YOU EVERY NIGHT.

MADAME EDITH, IT MAY
NOT BE APPROPRIATE,

AFTER ALL, OUR BEDROOM
IS ABOVE THE MORTUARY.

OH, FORGIVE ME.
I WAS FORGETTING.

I COULD HUM "AVE MARIA"
UNACCOMPANIED.

YOU PROBABLY
WOULD BE.

MONSIEUR ALPHONSE,
IT IS VERY URGENT THAT I SPEAK TO YOU.

I DO NOT KNOW YOU.

I AM MICHELLE
OF THE RESISTANCE.

MICHELLE
OF THE RESISTANCE?

NOT THE INTREPID LEADER
OF THAT BRAVE BAND OF PARTISANS

WHO ROAM THE COUNTRYSIDE
STRIKING TERROR INTO THE HEARTS

OF GERMANS
AND COLLABORATORS ALIKE?

NOT THE GIRL
WHO IS A LEGEND,

WHO COMES INTO OUR MIDST

LIKE A PHANTOM AND THEN
VANISHES WITHOUT A TRACE?

THAT IS THE ONE.

LEAD, MADEMOISELLE,
AND WE WILL FOLLOW.

I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE YOU.

NOW LISTEN
VERY CAREFULLY,

I WILL SAY THIS
ONLY ONCE.

I WILL TAKE NOTES.

OH, YVETTE,
RENE IS OUTSIDE.

OH NO,
IF MONSIEUR ALPHONSE SEES HIM,

HE WILL KILL HIM.

DO NOT WORRY,
HE'S IN DISGUISE.

HE WILL WAIT IN THE CAFE
UNTIL MICHELLE EXPLAINS

TO MONSIEUR ALPHONSE
HOW IMPORTANT RENE IS TO OUR CAUSE.

ANOTHER COGNAC,
PLEASE, YVETTE.

ANY NEWS OF RENE?

NOT A WORD.

THE PLACE IS NOT
THE SAME WITHOUT HIM.

IT'S ALL CLEAR.

THOSE EYES,

THEY LOOK
VERY FAMILIAR,

PARTICULARLY THAT ONE.

( falsetto )
I AM TRYING VERY HARD NOT TO BE FAMILIAR, MONSIEUR.

I HAVE IT.

YOU ARE
A RELATION OF RENE, WHO WORKS BEHIND THE BAR.

VERY DISTANT.

YOU HAVE...
VERY HAIRY LEGS.

THEY RUN IN THE FAMILY.

RENE, IT IS YOU.

PLEASE, LIEUTENANT,
DO NOT GIVE ME AWAY.

DON'T WORRY, YOUR SECRET
IS SAFE WITH ME.

NO, NO, YOU DO NOT
UNDERSTAND.

YES, I DO!

I HAD AN UNCLE
WITH THE SAME LEANINGS.

EVERY SHROVE TUESDAY,

HE WOULD DRESS UP
AS A PANCAKE GIRL.

I SUPPOSE YOU THINK
I AM A COWARD.

ON THE CONTRARY.

I THINK
IT TAKES GREAT COURAGE

TO COME OUT IN THE OPEN
AND DRESS THAT WAY.

OH MY GOD, GERMANS.
AND THEY ARE COMING

- TO THIS TABLE.
- DON'T WORRY, I WILL COVER.

MADEMOISELLE,
A DANCE?

WHAT?
WELL, NO, I DON'T-- I'M NOT VERY GOOD.

DON'T WORRY,
I WILL LEAD.

( piano music playing )

ARE THEY
WATCHING US?

DON'T WORRY,
JUST BE NORMAL.

I AM DOING
MY BEST.

WE WILL DO
A FEW MORE BARS

THEN I WILL PUT YOU
IN MY LITTLE TANK

AND TAKE YOU BACK
TO MY PLACE

UNTIL IT DIES DOWN.

PSST, RENE.

LIEUTENANT,
DO YOU FEATHER?

OF COURSE.

JUST LEAVE ME HERE
WITH MY FRIENDS, WILL YOU?

YOU ARE NOT REALLY
DRESSED FOR A TANK.

I THINK I HAD BETTER GO
AND WARM IT UP FOR YOU.

IF YOU NEED A PUSH START
JUST LET ME KNOW,

I'LL GET THE REST
OF THE GIRLS.

AARGHH!

I DID NOT KNOW

WHO IT WAS I WAS
CHALLENGING TO A DUEL.

YOU, THE LEADER
OF THE ESCAPE ROUTE.

LET ME KISS THE HEM
OF YOUR DRESS.

PLEASE, PLEASE,

MONSIEUR ALPHONSE,
YOU EMBARRASS ME.

TELL ME WHAT TO DO,

I WILL FOLLOW YOU
ANYWHERE.

IN A MINUTE,
I AM GOING TO HAVE TO GO

TO THE LITTLE GIRL'S ROOM.

OH, MADAME,

I COULD NOT COME
BETWEEN YOU AND THIS--

THIS-- PERHAPS
THE BRAVEST MAN IN FRANCE.

HENCEFORTH, I WILL
ADMIRE YOU FROM AFAR.

GOOD DAY TO YOU ALL,

VIVE LA FRANCE.

- VIVE DE GAULLE.
- WHO?

YOU KNOW,
DE GAULLE.

THE ONE WITH
THE BIG HOOTER.

OF COURSE.
VIVE DE GAULLE.

- THANK HEAVENS HE HAS GONE.
- THAT IS ALL VERY WELL FOR YOU,

BUT WHAT AM I
TO TELL MY FRIENDS?

I CANNOT BE SEEN OUT
WITH A COWARD.

I HAVE
THE EXPLANATION.

YOU WILL TELL THEM
THAT DURING THE DUEL,

A BUMBLEBEE FLEW
DOWN HIS TROUSERS AT A CRITICAL MOMENT,

CAUSING HIM TO RUN
INTO THE RIVER.

BUT THE NEAREST RIVER
IS THREE MILES AWAY.

IT WAS A VERY BIG BEE.

RENE?

HELGA IS HERE.
SHE MUST SEE YOU.

- SHE'S IN TROUBLE.
- HELGA?

ONE LAST MESSAGE
BEFORE I GO,

THE WIND IS FAVORABLE.

WHEN THE MOON IS DOWN,
YOU WILL LEAD THE AIRMEN TO THE BALLOON.

WHERE ARE THEY NOW?

- HELLO.
- HELLO.

WE WILL DISAPPEAR LIKE
PHANTOMS INTO THE NIGHT.

Rene: OH, GOOD.

COME IN.

RENE, THE COLONEL
AND CAPTAIN HAVE BEEN ARRESTED BY THE GESTAPO.

THEY ARE, EVEN NOW,
IMPRISONED

IN THE DUNGEONS
OF THE CHATEAU.

- ( crashing; breaking glass )
- WHAT WAS THAT?!

IT WAS THE PHANTOMS,
FALLING OVER THE DUSTBIN.

SOON THEY WILL BE
INTERROGATED.

HERR FLICK ALWAYS GETS
TO THE BOTTOM OF EVERYTHING.

WHY SHOULD I CARE?
I HAVE DONE NOTHING.

YOU HAVE HIDDEN IN YOUR CELLAR
A KNOCKWURST SAUSAGE

CONTAINING THE REAL PAINTING
OF THE FALLEN MADONNA

WITH THE BIG BOOBIES
BY VAN CLOMP,

A COPY OF WHICH IS HANGING
IN THE GESTAPO SAUSAGE IN YOUR KITCHEN

WHICH HERR FLICK IS
UNDER THE IMPRESSION IS THE REAL PAINTING,

WHICH WAS SUPPOSED TO BE
ON THE TRAIN TO HITLER,

WHICH DID NOT ARRIVE
DUE TO THE FACT

THAT IT WAS SUBSTITUTED
FOR A NORMAL KNOCKWURST, WHICH WAS BLOWN UP.

THEY MAY REVEAL THIS
UNDER TORTURE.

WILL THEY REMEMBER IT?

COME, WE MUST HELP THEM
BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

- HELGA, I CANNOT
GO LIKE THIS! - WHY NOT?

I AM DISGUISED AS A GIRL.

HOW YOU RELAX OFF DUTY

IS NO CONCERN
OF THE GERMAN ARMY.

NOT SO FAST.

MY NAME IS ENGELBERT
VON SMALLHAUSEN

OF THE GESTAPO.

I AM WISHING TO SPEAK

WITH RENE ARTOIS,
THE BARMAN.

OH, WHAT A PITY.

YOU HAVE MISSED HIM
BY THAT MUCH.

IT IS HIS NIGHT OFF.

THE ENGINE IS WARMED UP,
RENE, SO LET'S GO.

SO...

YOU ARE RENE ARTOIS.

WHY DO YOU DRESS
AS A WOMAN

OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?

I WAS GOING
TO A PANCAKE PARTY.

YOU WILL COME WITH ME.

I WILL TAKE YOU
TO THE DUNGEONS

OF THE GESTAPO
HEADQUARTERS.

HAVE YOU ANY PERSONAL BELONGINGS
YOU WISH TO BRING?

JUST MY HANDBAG.

YOU ARE PRIVATE
HELGA GEERHART?

I AM.

HERR FLICK ORDERS
THAT YOU ALSO ATTEND.

PLEASE,

COME WITH ME.

OH, THIS IS TERRIBLE.
WHAT SHALL WE DO?

WE SHALL HAVE TO GO OVER
THE HEADS OF THE GESTAPO.

WHO ARE
YOU CALLING?

GENERAL ERICH
VON KLINKERHOFFEN.

'ALLO, 'ALLO.

( wind moaning )

( metal scraping )

HANS, WHAT ARE
YOU DOING?

I AM SCRAPING AT THE CEMENT.

I AM HOPING TO LOOSEN
ONE OF THESE BRICKS.

DON'T BE ABSURD.

THE COUNT
OF MONTE CRISTO DID IT.

IT TOOK HIM
20 YEARS.

COME TO THINK OF IT,

THE FILM HAD ALREADY STARTED
WHEN I WENT IN.

WHAT DO YOU THINK HE
IS GOING TO DO TO US?

WHO KNOWS?

THEY ARE TERRIBLE
WITH WOMEN.

COLONEL, COLONEL,
CAN YOU NOT JUST TELL HIM ABOUT YOUR SAUSAGE?

IF WE TELL HIM...

HE WILL FIND OUT
THAT WE PINCHED

THE GENUINE PAINTING
SO AS TO SELL IT WHEN ALL THIS IS OVER.

WHY DO YOU HAVE TO TRY
TO MAKE MONEY OUT OF THE WAR?

WHY CAN YOU NOT JUST FIGHT
AND HAVE DONE WITH IT?

RENE, I WANT YOU
TO PROMISE ME

IF WE EVER
GET OUT OF THIS,

THAT YOU WILL STOP SEEING
THOSE RESISTANCE PEOPLE,

AND I WILL TRY NOT TO ARREST
TOO MANY FRENCHMEN,

AND THEN WE CAN ALL LEAD
A QUIET AND NORMAL LIFE.

I WAS TRYING TO LEAD
A QUIET AND NORMAL LIFE

WHEN I WAS ARRESTED.

SO I SEE.

PULL YOUR SKIRT DOWN.

SO...

HAVE YOU DECIDED
TO TALK YET?

WE KNOW NOTHING,
HERR FLICK.

THAT EMPTY SAUSAGE
IS A COMPLETE MYSTERY TO US.

HELGA PUT IT
ON THE TRAIN.

HELGA HAS BEEN VERY
THOROUGHLY INTERROGATED

AND HAS REVEALED
NOTHING NEW TO ME.

HELGA,

I THINK WE SHOULD HAVE
THE BRAZIER UP A BIT.

WHATEVER YOU SAY,
HERR FLICK.

TAKE THE BELLOWS
AND PUMP IT UP.

OH, YES, HERR FLICK.

THAT IS MORE LIKE IT.

YOU ARE EXCEEDING
YOUR AUTHORITY.

THE GESTAPO HAS
NO JURISDICTION

OVER SENIOR OFFICERS
IN THE ARMY.

- OR JUNIOR OFFICERS.
- WHAT ABOUT CAFE OWNERS?

THEY CAN DO WHAT
THEY LIKE WITH THEM.

I DO NOT KNOW WHAT YOU
ARE COMPLAINING ABOUT.

YOU ARE A TEMPORARY GUEST

IN A WELL-EQUIPPED

AND COMPLETELY
SOUNDPROOF DUNGEON.

WHAT IS MORE,
I HARDLY THINK

A COMPLAINT
THAT YOU WERE TORTURED TO REVEAL THE WHEREABOUTS

OF A KNOCKWURST SAUSAGE

WILL BE TREATED VERY SERIOUSLY
BY THE HIGH COMMAND.

I WILL RETURN VERY SOON.

WHEN I DO,
I SUGGEST YOU TALK!

A NOTE!

I KNEW WE COULD
RELY ON HELGA.

HELGA WILL HAVE A PLAN.
WHAT DOES IT SAY?

IT SAYS, "HAVE YOU
GOT A PLAN?"

I DO NOT
OFTEN DO THIS,

BUT I AM GOING TO
OFFER UP A SILENT PRAYER.

WE SHALL ALL
DO THE SAME.

- HANS?
- OH.

WHO PRAYED FOR THAT?

IT IS COMING FROM THIS
VENTILATOR, HERE.

JUST A MINUTE.

OH, IT SMELLS LIKE
A SEWER DOWN THERE.

IT IS I, LECLERC.

THE WIND IS TERRIBLE
IN THE SEWERS.

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- I BRING A MESSAGE FROM MICHELLE.

WHAT IS YOUR MESSAGE?

IT IS FOR RENE'S
EARS ONLY.

NEVER MIND THAT.
GET ON WITH IT. WHAT IS IT?

MICHELLE SAYS,

"HAVE YOU GOT A PLAN?"

OF COURSE WE HAVEN'T
GOT A PLAN!

IN THAT CASE,
YOU ARE IN DEAD SCHTOOCK.

COME BACK HERE!
COME BACK--

IF WE WERE SMALLER,
WE COULD GET DOWN THAT HOLE.

SOMEBODY ELSE
IS COMING.

RENE, IT IS I, MARIA.

I HAVE CRAWLED
THROUGH THE DRAINS.

I HAD TO SAY GOODBYE.

OH, KISS ME FOR
PERHAPS THE LAST TIME.

OH, WELL, IT IS
A BIT EMBARRASSING

WITH THE COLONEL
AND THE CAPTAIN.

STICK YOUR HEAD
DOWN THE HOLE AND DO IT.

HANS, I DON'T KNOW WHAT
THEY SEE IN THE MAN.

HE HAS QUITE GOOD LEGS.

All: OOOH!

- IT IS I, YVETTE.
- ANOTHER ONE.

I HAVE BROUGHT YOU
YOUR RINGS.

MY RINGS?

THE HOLLOW ONES,
CONTAINING THE PILLS

WITH THE DEADLY POISON.
HERE,

IF ALL ELSE FAILS,
TAKE THEM.

YOU WILL FEEL NO PAIN.

YOU WILL DIE INSTANTLY.

HOW THOUGHTFUL
OF YOU.

RENE, I HAVE SAVED
A PILL FOR MYSELF.

I CANNOT LIVE
WITHOUT YOU.

WELL, DO NOT TAKE IT
JUST YET, YVETTE.

( kissing )

HE HAS A BETTER TIME THAN WE DO,
EVEN WITH HIS LOVE LIFE DOWN THE DRAIN.

WELL, THAT IS IT.
THERE WE ARE THEN--

- THANK YOU, RENE.
- ONE EACH.

COLONEL, THESE ARE THE RINGS
WHICH WE GAVE TO RENE,

IN CASE HE GOT CAUGHT.

YES, THOSE ARE
THE RINGS--

THERE'S SOMEONE
COMING.

HIDE THEM.

RENE, WHAT ARE
YOU DOING?

THE GIRLS
SMUDGED MY LIPSTICK.

AH.

HAVE YOU DECIDED
TO TALK?

I HAVE DECIDED--

NOT TO TALK.

VERY WELL.
HELGA,

THE WHEEL.

THE WHEEL?!

I WILL TAKE CARE
OF THE ORGAN.

THE ORGAN?!

AARGHH!

( horror movie music )

GOOD.

BEFORE WE START,
HAVE YOU ANY LAST REQUESTS?

"BLUE SKIES AROUND
THE CORNER"?

HELGA, TURN!

( loud, ominous
organ music playing )

( creaking )

- ( all yelling )
- COLONEL!

WHERE IS THE SAUSAGE?

THE FIEND!
HE IS GOING TO CRUSH US!

IT IS IN THE CELLAR!

I CANNOT HEAR YOU.

( yelling )
IT IS IN THE CELLAR!

QUICK! THE BENCH.
THE BENCH.

( crashing )

( yelling )

KEEP TURNING.

WE TOLD YOU!
IT'S IN THE CELLAR.

NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

HELGA, WHAT ARE
YOU DOING?!

I AM SORRY, COLONEL.

I AM ONLY OBEYING ORDERS.

QUICK, SHOULDERS
TO THE CEILING.

HANS, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING DOWN THERE?

I AM WAITING FOR THE CEILING
TO GET DOWN TO MY SHOULDERS.

DO YOU NOT FIND THESE GRAND
CRASHING CHORDS VERY EXCITING?

I THINK YOU
MISSED A NOTE. CAN YOU GO BACK A BIT?

KEEP TURNING, HELGA!

KEEP PLAYING, HERR FLICK!

LOOK!

NO HANDS.

HANS, I THINK
IT'S TIME TO TAKE THE PILLS.

THE PILLS, QUICK.

NOTHING HAS HAPPENED.

ANOTHER
FAULTY BATCH.

I'LL HAVE TO WRITE
A LETTER ABOUT THIS.

GOODBYE, COLONEL.

GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN!

HEIL HITLER.

WHAT IS THE MEANING
OF THIS?

THESE MEN ARE
TRAITORS TO THE REICH.

THEY HAVE STOLEN
A KNOCKWURST SAUSAGE

CONTAINING THE PAINTING
OF THE FALLEN MADONNA WITH THE BIG BOOBIES,

WHICH WAS ON ITS WAY
TO BERLIN.

THE SAUSAGE THEY SENT

WAS BLOWN UP BY THE R.A.F.

BUT UPON INVESTIGATION,
IT TRANSPIRED

THAT THERE WAS NO PAINTING
IN THE SAUSAGE.

AND IN FACT,
ALL THE SAUSAGE CONTAINED...

WAS SAUSAGE.

UPON THIS EVIDENCE,
YOU ARE FLATTENING

A COLONEL AND A CAPTAIN
IN ONE OF MY DIVISIONS?

NOT TO MENTION
A VERY PLAIN FRENCH GIRL?

MY AUTHORITY
COMES FROM BERLIN.

MY AUTHORITY COMES
FROM THIS GUN.

- RELEASE THEM.
- I SEE.

TEMPORARILY,
YOU HAVE THE UPPER HAND,

BUT I SHOULD WARN YOU

THAT MY GODFATHER
IS HEINRICH HIMMLER.

MY WIFE'S SISTER IS
THE MISTRESS OF HERMANN GOERING.

HERMANN GOERING HAS
MANY MISTRESSES.

MY WIFE'S SISTER IS THE ONE

WHO WEARS THE CHAMOIS
LEATHER UNDERCLOTHES.

AH.

HELGA,

TURN THE WHEEL
THE OTHER WAY.

YES, HERR FLICK.

SO YOU ARE
A PARTY TO THIS?!

NO, I WAS ONLY
OBEYING ORDERS.

REVERSE THE WHEEL.

OH, DEAR.
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?

INCOMPETENT FOOLS!
STAND BACK.

LADIES FIRST.

- ( thumping )
- EDITH, EDITH,

OH, EDITH,

WHY DO YOU IGNORE
MY CRIES FOR ASSISTANCE?

I AM HERE NOW, MAMMA.

I HAVE JUST BEEN TO THE CHURCH
TO LIGHT A CANDLE FOR--

WHAT'S THAT YOU SAY?

I HAVE JUST BEEN TO THE CHURCH
TO LIGHT A CANDLE FOR RENE.

I FEAR HE IS
NO LONGER WITH US.

GOOD.

NOW YOU CAN MARRY
THE UNDERTAKER

WHILE HE STILL HAS
THE HOTS FOR YOU.

I CANNOT THINK ABOUT THAT
NOW THAT RENE HAS GONE.

I MUST HAVE THE TWO AIRMEN
AWAY AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

OH, MY LITTLE EDITH,

ALWAYS SO HEADSTRONG.

GET THROUGH
TO LONDON

SO THAT I CAN SPOOK
ON THE ROODIO.

EDITH,

WHO IS THE FUZZ
WITH THE BAD FRENCH?

HE IS AN EXPERT
ON ESCAPING FROM LONDON.

ARE THINGS
SO BAD IN LONDON?

WHAT IS HAPPENING
TO ME?

MY ROOM IS FULL
OF TRANSVESTITES.

I DO HOPE WE'RE
NOT EXPECTED TO WEAR THESE THINGS IN THE BALLOON.

IT'LL BE DAMNED DRAFTY
AROUND THE NEEDLES.

OH, EDITH,

I SEE FLASHING KNOBS.

Edith:
IT IS LONDON,

HELP ME.

AARGHH!

QUICK.

GET THE CODE BOOK,

WHILE I ASSEMBLE
THE RADIO.

'ALLO, 'ALLO,

THIS IS
MRS. NIGHTHAWK CALLING.

WHERE IS THE WIND
COMING FROM?

I SAY AGAIN,
WHERE IS THE WIND COMING FROM?

THE SAME PLACE
IT ALWAYS COMES FROM.

SHUT UP!

The wind is
from the southeast,

three knots
and holding steady.

Tonight is the night.

Bring signal torch.

When you are
over coast--

flash it.
Over and out.

EDITH, RENE HAS
BEEN RELEASED

AND HAS RETURNED.

RENE RELEASED?

QUICK, EDITH, TO THE CHURCH.

BLOW OUT THE CANDLES,
YOU MAY GET A REFUND.

OH, RENE,

THANK HEAVENS,
YOU ARE ALIVE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE
IT IS YOU

SITTING WITH ME
HERE AT THIS TABLE,

WEARING THAT HAT
AND THAT WIG,

AND THAT DRESS,

AND THOSE LITTLE
WHITE SOCKS.

OH, YVETTE,

THANK GOD,
IT IS ALL OVER.

AND WHAT IS MORE,

THE COLONEL AND I
HAVE MADE A PACT

THAT FROM NOW ON,

EVERYTHING WILL RETURN
TO NORMAL.

LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY,
I WILL SAY THIS ONLY ONCE.

YOU ARE ORDERED TO LEAD
THE BRITISH AIRMEN TO THE BALLOON.

THEY WILL TAKE OFF TONIGHT.

BUT THAT IS
NOT POSSIBLE.

ON THE ORDERS OF GENERAL
VON KLINKERHOFFEN HIMSELF,

THE COLONEL AND THE CAPTAIN
HAVE GONE OFF ON MANEUVERS,

THE ONES THAT
WERE CANCELED.

THE TOWN IS RINGED
WITH GERMAN SOLDIERS. WE ARE UNDER CURFEW.

PEOPLE ARE
ALLOWED THROUGH WHO ARE ENGAGED IN ESSENTIAL SERVICES.

EVERYTHING HAS BEEN ARRANGED.

I HAVE A PLAN.

OH, NOW SHE HAS A PLAN.

WHY DID YOU NOT
HAVE A PLAN

WHEN I WAS IN
THE NUTCRACKER SUITE, HMM?

I CANNOT SAY
WHAT AN HONOR IT IS

FOR ME TO ASSIST YOU,
MONSIEUR RENE--

THE BRAVEST MAN IN FRANCE...

WHO HAS JUST
ESCAPED DEATH

BY GESTAPO TORTURE,

AND WITHOUT THOUGHT
OF PERSONAL DANGER,

IS EVEN NOW HELPING

THE BRITISH AIRMEN
TO ESCAPE.

I AM QUITE A CHARACTER,
AM I NOT?

- ( knocks )
- SOMEONE IS KNOCKING ON THE COFFIN.

WHOA.

( knocking; groaning )

WHAT ARE YOU KNOCKING FOR,
YOU OLD BAT?

YOU ARE SUPPOSED
TO BE DEAD.

I WISH TO GO
TO THE BATHROOM.

YOU WILL HAVE
TO WAIT.

THIS IS NOT
A CORRIDOR HEARSE.

DO NOT SPEAK LIKE THAT
TO MY MOTHER.

YOU MUST BE KIND TO HER.

IT WAS YOUR IDEA
SHE SHOULD BE THE CORPSE.

SHE IS THE NEAREST THING
WE HAVE.

GET BACK
TO YOUR SEAT.

WAGONS, ROLL!

WALK ON.

EDITH.

- ( knocks on wagon )
- NOT MUCH FURTHER, CHAPS.

Both:
OH, JOLLY GOOD SHOW.

CAVEE, JERRIES
ON THE HORIZON.

OH, RIGHT.

IT LOOKS LIKE
A ROADBLOCK.

Colonel:
SOMEBODY IS DISOBEYING THE CURFEW.

FUNERAL PROCESSIONS
ARE ALLOWED, HERR COLONEL.

I WONDER WHY RENE IS
RIDING IN THE FRONT?

I WONDER WHY
THE TWO CORPSES

IN THE SECOND
HEARSE

WERE SITTING UP

AND CHATTING
TO EACH OTHER?

I THINK IT IS
POSSIBLE THAT RENE

IS FINALLY GETTING RID
OF THE BRITISH AIRMEN,

SO THAT LIFE CAN RETURN
TO NORMAL LIKE HE PROMISED.

HANS,

TELL THE SERGEANT
TO LET THEM PASS.

THIS IS A FUNEREAL.

WE ARE BORROWING
SOME BIDDIES.

- BIDDIES?
- DEAD BIDDIES IN KIFFINS.

PROCEED.

LET THEM PROCEED!

( car honking )

GENERAL
VON KLINKERHOFFEN.

HALT!

Both: HALT!

- WHAT IS THIS?
- A FUNERAL, HERR GENERAL.

I SEE.

( horse snorts )

OPEN THE COFFIN.

IT IS MY BROTHER'S
WIFE'S MOTHER.

SHE DIED
OF THE PLAGUE.

WHAT PLAGUE IS THIS?

THE PLAGUE THAT KILLS
BROTHER'S WIFE'S MOTHERS.

OPEN THE COFFIN.

IF THIS SPREADS
ACROSS EUROPE,

WE'VE ALL HAD IT.
BURY HER QUICKLY.

PROCEED. PROCEED.

WALK ON.

THANK YOU.

MONSIEUR.

OH, THANK YOU.

KEEP PUMPING,
CARSTAIRS.

I THINK WE'RE
PRETTY NEAR TAKEOFF.

LET'S HOPE THE PARAFFIN
HOLDS OUT.

LET'S HOPE
THE KNICKERS HOLD OUT.

WELL, GOODBYE.

THANKS AWFULLY
FOR HAVING US.

GOODBYE.

MY CARD.

AU REVOIR.

YOU MUST COME AND STAY WITH US
IF YOU EVER COME TO ENGLAND.

GOODBYE.

♪ TAKE ME OUT
TO DEAR OLD BLIGHTY ♪

♪ PUT ME ON THE TRAIN
TO LONDON TOWN... ♪

FARTY KNICKERS
DID THE TRICK.

BYE!

THANK HEAVEN.

NOW LIFE AT CAFE RENE
CAN RETURN TO NORMAL.

BYE.

WELL, AS NORMAL
AS POSSIBLE.

BYE-BYE.

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