Alleyn Mysteries (1990–1994): Season 2, Episode 1 - Hand in Glove - full transcript

𝒯𝓇𝒶𝓃𝓈𝓁𝒶𝓉e 𝓊𝓃𝒾𝒸𝒶𝓉 E𝒩𝒢LI𝒮H

Come on! Back in there.
Get out of the way!

This is a private pub!

You've got no right!

Charging in here like a
herd of wild elephants!

This is a private office

Three knifings in
one week, Mr Ruskin

What are you doing? Handing
them out at the door?

Inspector Fox, sir

What is it, Robinson?

Something you should see, sir



It’s...

paintings, sir

Good God

Lychee!

Clever little boy!

All right, Mrs Mitchell?

Right as rain, Mr Belt

- Morning, Mr Period, sir
- Good morning, Alfred

Looks like a lovely day

It does indeed, sir.
It does indeed

Oh, those chaps are still
at it in the lane, sir

They're taking their blessed
time about it, I must say

Look out!

The bath's empty



- For what it's worth
- Thank you, Harold

Oh, Mr Cartell's sister for
luncheon, remember, Alfred?

Yes, sir

Good God!

Lady Bantling's brother's died

A car accident

- In the Outback - Ah. You'll
be writing, of course, sir?

Of course

Poor Desiree

It’s a dangerous world, sir

Was that a nice walkums?

Lychee have nice walkums?

Mummy's got a surprise
for you today

Yes, Moppet's coming to stay

Yes, and she's bringing a friend

Yes, isn't that nice?

Oh, Danny boy

A nice curry can be
stretched, as you know

To ridiculous lengths

I’m sure, miss. I’ll get
Mr Cartell for you now

Come on, Vixen. Up you go,
up you go to your master

Come on now. Come on, up you go

That was Miss Cartell,

wondering if the cuisine will
stand two more for lunch

- To whom was she referring?
- To the adopted niece,

that Miss Moppet creature

And a friend

Oh, God, Mr Period
will not be pleased

Confidentially, he can't
stand the young lady

And I’m sure Mr Cartell
feels the same

Well, that was my sister,
Mrs Mitchell, wondering...

Yes, I dare say we'll
manage, Mr Cartell

Good

I’ll let Mr Period know, then

Come on then, if you're
in such a hurry. Come on

For the life of me, I cannot understand
what possessed our Mr Period,

offering that man a
room in this house

Retired solicitor, he may be,
and a gentleman, I’m sure

But we've been under our own
steam far too long for sharing

1 st of April, Mr B!

I thought it best to call
you straightaway, sir

Absolutely

Being as each and every one
appears to be by Miss Troy

Yes

I say! Nicola Maitland-Mayne?

Yes?

Well, well, PP's turned up
trumps on the secretary front

- Sorry?
- Percival Pyke Period

Your new boss. I’m Andrew
Bantling, driving you to Chalfont

Oh, how do you do?
I’m sorry I...

On the phone, you
mentioned guard duty

I thought you’d be in uniform

- Are you related to Mr Period?
- Oh, no, no

My legal guardian...
well, actually,

my boring old ex-stepfather,
Harold Cartell,

lives in his house

Good Lord!

That's an Agatha Troy

She's a friend of mine

She painted it for
my 21 st birthday

I read an article
about Agatha Troy,

in which she said painting was more
important to her than life itself

Do you think that's true?

I want to get out of the army

Are you hoping to
paint full-time?

How did you know that
I was a painter?

Cadmium yellow under the nail
of your right forefinger

You ought to be a detective

Here we are

Don't know why PP needs a
secretary all of a sudden

Unless you're going to type
up his letters of condolence

His what?

Oh, he's famous for them, writes
them to anyone and everyone

- Thank you, Alfred - Sir

Well, I’d better go straight up
and get this over with, then

Good hunting

If you were hunting

Thank you

Good typing

Percival Pyke Period

Unhyphenated

Friends call me PP

Miss Maitland-Mayne?

I don’t make much of a
to-do about the Maitland

Oh, but you must, you must.
Such a splendid old family

These things are very important

I’d much prefer just
plain Nicola, anyway

Oh, well, Nicola it is, then

This is my great-grandfather’s
place at Ribblethorpe

Consumed, alas, by fire

Oh, what a shame

They didn’t really explain at the
agency what my job is supposed to be

Well, as a matter of fact,

I’m trying to compile a book

Wonderful. Your memoirs?

No, no, no. Something a
trifle more utilitarian

It’s a book on etiquette

How did you know
they weren't mine?

By the signatures

Same position, every
one identical

Yours are all over the place

Quite uncanny

If you were to ask me to
swear I didn’t paint these,

I’m not even sure that I could

Somebody takes the trouble to
master your style impeccably,

then duplicates the signatures

as if from a printing press.
It doesn't make sense

And why me?

Surely it would be far less
risky and far more profitable

to forge the works
of a dead artist?

That had occurred to me

You're not my father. You're
not even my stepfather

You've no right to
keep the money from me

I’m your legal guardian
until your 25th birthday

At least look at the figures

I’m not interested in
the figures, Andrew

Your father wouldn’t have wanted you to
resign your commission and that's that

Letters of condolence...

So difficult

You knew Lady Bantling's
brother passed away?

No, no, I didn’t

I’m sorry, too, you horrible little man.
Sorry I asked you

Oh, Dear. A touch of
awkwardity, I fear

Andrew’s in one of his rages

No doubt you've often
witnessed them before

We only just met this morning

Really?

Oh, when he said he
knew just the girl,

well, I thought naturally...

Andrew's the son of the very woman
we were talking about, Desiree

- Lady Bantling?
- Yes. Though, by rights,

she ought by now to be calling
herself Mrs Bimbo Dodds

Has she remarried, then?

Twice. Once to Harold Cartell,

with whom I sadly
share this house,

and then quite recently
to Bimbo Dodds

Bantling, Cartell, Dodds

It’s all been frightfully
alphabetical

- If you don’t know what to do...
- look inside where the cows moo

It doesn’t scan, Bimbo, darling

I’m not a poet, Desiree

Thanks for coming

I’ll let you know as
soon as we find anything

That's all?

You've confirmed they're not yours.
Now leave the rest to us

But I could help

Troy!

The moment you find anything...

It’s very nice to meet you

Oh, this is Connie's adopted
niece, Mary Ralston

- How do you do?
- Hello

I call her Moppet

And what did he say, darling?

He wouldn’t budge

The miserable, old...

You can't budge him

And this is Mary's friend,

Leonard...

L- E-I-S-S. Leiss

Rhymes with spice,
but twice as nice

How do you do?

Very nicely, thank you

Leonard, I’d love a drink

I was just about to offer

- Everyone have the usual?
- Leonard will do mine, Uncle Hal

He knows my kind of wallop

If he must

Wallop?

What a word, Moppet!

The things girls say nowadays.
Honestly!

What did they say in
your day, Auntie Con?

Snort?

Mary, that was not one
of the prettiest remarks

It certainly wasn't. You ought to
exercise more discipline, Connie

She's too impressionable,
that's the problem

The only way with Moppet is
to beat her like a carpet

- Oh, good grief!
- Care to try?

I intend to... later

Oh, no, I tend to see myself...

- When do you stop typing?
- Four o'clock, I think

I’ll come back and pick you up about
quarter past to drive you home

May I?

Your niece has turned up with a
real specimen this time, Hal

She's not my niece

If Connie and the girl
persist in that charade,

fine, but Miss Ralston is
no relation to my sister

She's most definitely
no relation to me

Harold, Andrew says

that you won't let him
have his inheritance

To fritter away on an art gallery?
Certainly not

It won't be frittering it away

He's looked into the whole
thing very carefully

My decision is final, Desiree

This is my son's future
we are talking about

Stubborn old...

My God, to think I was
once married to you!

Bimbo, Andrew, we
really ought to go

Let these people eat their lunch

We're having a party
tonight, by the way, Andrew,

which you're staying for

- I don't think I can, Mother
- Of course you can

Bring um... Nicola, wasn't it?

What a good idea!

You will come, won't you?

Well, I...

Yes. I’d like to very much

What sort of a party?

Treasure hunt

A treasure hunt? How
absolutely marvellous!

Why don’t you and Leonard
come along as well?

Gosh, Lady Bantling,
that’d be...

.. lovely, Lady Bantling.
Nice of you to ask

Luncheon is served, sir

- Come on, Cyril - As God is
my witness, Chief inspector,

these are not my work

I’m not suggesting you painted them.
I’m trying to find out who did

Then it's rather more
in an advisory capacity

than with a view to incarceration
that you've invited me here?

Have you got anything for me?

You couldn’t perchance
advance me a few guineas,

by way of a consultancy fee?

By way of what?

I’m just a trifle
stretched at the moment

So is your credibility, Cyril

Let's hear what you
have to say first

Two weeks ago,

Hugo De Moncrieff asked me to look
at a painting that had come in,

purported to be an Agatha
Troy self-portrait

And?

It was good. It was very good

Hugo said that he was not so
much suspicious of the work

as of the character

who was trying to sell it

- And what did you advise?
- That he verify its authenticity

with Troy directly

One has that advantage
with a living artist

And did he hang the painting?

It sold

Last week

Mr De Moncrieff,

I have it on good
authority that last week

you were sold an Agatha
Troy self-portrait

I’ve reason to believe
it was a forgery

A forgery?

I’d like to know where you bought
it and whom you sold it to

Chief inspector,

in the first place, Gallery
Moncrieff doesn't deal in forgeries

In the second, the identities
of our clients and customers

are not a matter for
the public record

In the third,

it's obvious you have no warrant

And in the fourth,

you should address any
queries to my solicitor

Good day

I’ll take that as a no, shall I?

I’m sorry, PP

I have things on my mind other
than your blasted cigarette case

Well, the last people
to be seen with it

was that fellow Leiss
and your Moppet

She is not my Moppet

Alfred, when you cleared after lunch,
did you see a gold cigarette case

on the little table by
the French windows?

No, sir

Are you absolutely certain?

Absolutely, sir

Though I did notice that
someone had opened the windows

Well, there you are. The
workmen doing the sewage

in Green Lane must have taken it

Nonsense. I’ve spoken to
them myself several times

They're perfectly decent,
hard-working chaps

Very well, then

Perhaps Alfred would care to
reconsider his statement?

Really, Hal, for goodness'sake!

Thank you, Alfred. So sorry
to have troubled you

Thank you, sir

That does it! Him or me!

- Him or me!
- Ructions, Mr Belt?

Very well, if you're that
certain, I shall go now

And if they don't
produce the case,

I shall insist on
full criminal charges

being brought against them

I trust that will satisfy you?

Come along, girl

He's heading for Miss Cartell's

Auntie Con's at some sort

of hunt committee do

But she ought to
be back any minute

It’s you I wanted to see

What about, Uncle Hal?

Will you please stop calling me that?
I’m not your uncle

All right, Mr Cartell

What did you do with Mr
Period’s cigarette case?

I beg your pardon?

You heard me. You and Leiss
were looking at it after lunch

What did you do with it?

Your turn, Doll. I
left the water...

Oh, pardonnez-moi

Am I interrupting something?

Mr Period’s cigarette
case has disappeared

You and...

Miss Ralston were the
last people seen with it

I put it to you that,
having placed the case on

that little table and
opened the French windows,

you later slipped around the side
through the garden and stole it

That's a very serious
allegation, Mr Cartell

I regard this as a
very serious matter

Unless it's replaced by tomorrow,
I shall call the police

I believe you would

Quiet! Quiet, sweetie!

Who let this blasted mongrel in?

Get away! Get away!

Trudi!

Who brought this dog in here?

Boysie, what on earth possessed you
to bring that thing into this house?

- Sorry, Connie, I didn’t think
- Take it out! Take it out!

Ly!

You called, Miss Cartell

- Come on, old girl. We're not welcome here
- Calm down. Poor baby

There's a good girl!
There's a good girl

I’m sorry, Constance, I do apologise.
If I’d realized...

Come off it, Boysie

You're hopeless with animals
and that's all there is to it

Now then, what's wrong?

I can see you're in
one of your moods

Pour us a drink and tell
me what the trouble is

- I don’t want a drink, Con
- Well, I do

Good God

- What's that revolting stuff?
- Girth gall ointment

For horses?

What did you want to
see me about, Boysie?

PP's cigarette case
has gone missing

Of course he wouldn't tell you!

No art dealer in his right
mind would tell a policeman

Let it be known that he’d had
anything to do with art forgeries?

The publicity would ruin
their business overnight

What was the gallery?

I’m not going to tell you

I’ve more than just a
casual interest, Rory

It’s my reputation at stake!

It isn't just that
somebody’s copied my style

It’s that they...

got inside my head

Are they really that good?

We'll find them

Troy!

You really must leave this to me

I can't see why they both accuse
you of doing such a thing

if they didn’t have some reason

PP and Uncle Hal have nasty minds, Auntie
Con. That's all the reason they need

I couldn’t bear to see you getting
into trouble with the police again

You were lucky to get away
with a warning before

And this Leonard, Moppet...

I told you he had an
unhappy background

I didn’t hide that
from you, did I?

But he needs love and
understanding, that's all

And I can give him that

I can help him make
something of himself

You wouldn’t want to spoil my
happiness, would you, Auntie Con,

by making me stop seeing him?

I’m so alone in the world

Now...

Don't cry

You know how it upsets me

That's my little Moppet

- Don't cry - Come on, sexy

The party will be over
by the time we get there

- Good morning, Madam
- Good morning, Alfred

From Mr Period

Thank you

"My dear, what can I say?

Only that you have lost
a devoted brother,

and I a very dear friend"

Alfred, what's happened?

- Happened, miss?
- My brother. Is he...?

Mr Cartell's not up yet, miss

He's later than usual today.
Did you want to speak to him?

Connie, good morning

- Thank you, Alfred - PP, for
God’s sake, what is all this?

Your letter. Are you mad?

What on earth do you mean?

I don’t feel well

Are you all right? Can I get you something?
A glass of water?

May I speak to you, sir?

What is it, Alfred?

Oh, forgive me, Connie,
I won't be a minute

What the blazes is going on?

Why are you looking
at me like that?

It’s Mr Cartell, sir

I...

Not to put too fine a
point upon it, sir...

.. the men have found
him in the ditch

Dead

A Mr Harold Cartell, sir

The drain-layers found him
at the bottom of the ditch

Face-down in the mud with
that sewer pipe on top of him

Skull crushed, sir

They thought he might be
alive so they pulled him out

But er...

Right, let's take a look

Well, Bailey?

Yeah, a couple of things

There are indentations on
that side of the ditch,

which suggest that the
plank bridge was moved

so that it would give way
when it was stepped on

The wicks on both those lanterns
have been turned right down

And there are two holes

There and there

What if this was used to lever
the pipe into the ditch?

Exactly. No chance it
was an accident, sir

Well, I don’t want to hear
any jokes about sewercide

Any sign of the dog?

Dog, sir?

The mark on the
victim's right hand

Leather leash pulled tight.
Paw marks everywhere

- Wake up, Robinson
- Probably Pixie, sir

A dirty great mongrel of
a thing, by all accounts

Seems he always took it out for a walk at
one in the morning, regular as clockwork

- Did he live here?
- That's right

Shared with the owner,

a Mr Percival Pyke Period, sir

Look, get the uniform
lads onto some statements

You try and find somewhere
to set up an incident room

with space for Bailey and
the flash-and-dab boys

Sir

- Bailey - Sir?

What's been going on here?

High heels, brogues,

work boots

It’ll be like trying to find
a footprint in a wine press

Mr Alleyn!

Looks like a car with a
leaky radiator stood here

"Search the place
we keep the tyres,

at the home of one desired"

Doesn't do anything for me

A treasure hunt. It would
account for the footprints

"Search the place
we keep the tyres"

A garage?

"At the home of one desired"

I was hoping to thank your mother
for giving me a room for the night

She's never up before noon

What's the matter?

Nothing, why?

Well, you were looking at me

Sorry

I was just thinking that...

a person can wake
up in the morning

absolutely certain of where
their life is going,

and one chance meeting suddenly
changes everything completely

I’m coming!

Hello, Cyril

Want to earn Ł5?

Mr Period is in his study, sir

- And you are?
- Alfred, sir

Alfred

Mr Cartell's dog, Pixie,
have you seen her?

She returned this morning,
sir, still trailing her lead

I shut her up in the wood shed

And the lead?

I’ll fetch it for you, sir

Inspector Fox will come
with you, if you don't mind

- As you wish, sir - Right, sir

I went to bed as
soon as I got home

but I couldn’t get to
sleep for some time

Those treasure-hunters in the lane
kept me awake till... about midnight

Then you slept. Did
you wake again?

At one o'clock when
he took Pixie out

She made her usual disturbance, barking
and whining. I’m afraid I cursed her

Then she stopped

You managed to get
back to sleep?

Yes, yes, I did

Any other disturbances
outside the window?

No

Did Mr Cartell have any
enemies that you know of?

Well...

one had to work very hard
trying to like him but...

Anyone to whom he might have
done harm had he lived?

Absolutely not

In all this upset, Alfred’s
forgotten to fill my boxes

It's too tiresome. I’ve mislaid
my beautiful cigarette case

Oh, thank you so much

This is the one, sir

Ah, thank you, Alfred

That's most helpful

Ah, soda scones

Very nice

They're Mr Period’s favourite

Have you both been with
Mr Period a long time?

Ten years for me. Mr Belt,
all his working life

I shall probably see
out my time here...

now

Oh, had there been
some doubt before?

As it happens, due to certain frictions
between Mr Cartell and myself,

I offered my resignation to
Mr Period only yesterday

He’d have been extremely sad to
lose you, I shouldn’t wonder

He was mortified

I thought he was
going to terminate

Mr Cartell's tenancy forthwith

Naturally, we've developed a certain...
mutual allegiance over the years

Naturally

What sort of frictions were there
between you and Mr Cartell?

So he probably reached out with
his right hand as he fell and...

Plop!

Hello, what's this?

You don’t think Harold’s death
was an accident, do you?

I think a trap was laid for him

A trap?

Dear God

Had the planks over the
ditch been interfered with?

Yes

I see

But mightn't the whole thing
have been just a joke?

I mean, isn't that
a possibility?

Someone in the treasure
hunt came along

and moved the planks,

and Harold fell and was
lying there unconscious

Then somebody else came along

and inadvertently
dislodged the sewer pipe

Dislodging one of those sewer pipes
couldn’t have been done inadvertently

Deliberately,

as a prank

A silly prank, but a prank all the
same, not knowing he was lying there

Chief inspector, sir

Something here you might
like to have a look at

Excuse me

Mr Pyke Period

Is this, by any chance, the
cigarette case you mislaid?

Where did you...?

In the ditch

Close to where the body of
Mr Harold Cartell was found

Dear God

Leiss?

Who?

Well, my dear Harold,

it seems your stinking dog and
about half a dozen of her suitors

has been creating havoc in
the vicarage flower beds

Fortunately, that stupid Reverend
Elms managed to find them

But he's very much upset
over the whole thing

Oh, Boysie!

You always were
hopeless with dogs

Why don't you get rid of
that ghastly mongrel?

You can't make a silk
purse out of a sow's ear

I entirely agree, and have often
said as much, I believe, to you

My compliments to the chef.
Nice grub, Pepe

Oh, not Pepe, please. PP

Is smoking allowed?

Well, since you're our
guest, we can hardly refuse

Damn, left mine in the motor.
Hand over, sexy

These are Turkish, I’m afraid

But you're welcome to
try one, if you like

Ta very much

Turkish will make a change

Nice case

Let's have a look

Well, actually, it's
an 18th-century card

case left to me
by an old friend,

Lady Charlwood

18th century? Well, I never

The inscription's still visible,

if you hold it up to the light

If you mean what
I think you mean

It’s OK by me

Things aren't always
what they seem

It’s OK by me

Here's your vicar

Looking a mite steamed
up, I must say

Oh, really, this is too much!

I’ll see to it, PP

Just tell him the bitch is on
heat and can't help herself

Eh, sexy?

Connie ought to have sent the
fellow packing at the first glance

Mr Cartell thought
so, too, I dare say

Yes, yes, indeed

Oh, I’m so sorry, the
front door was...

Rory!

He's a painter, isn't he?

- You saw the cadmium...
- Cadmium yellow

All right

So...

What was the young Lieutenant
Bantling doing here yesterday?

Visiting Mr Cartell

On business?

Nicola...

Yes, he’d tell you himself

Good

What time did you and
he get back last night?

Shortly after one

I thought everybody had to
be back before midnight?

Andrew and I didn’t take
part in the treasure hunt

We drove around for a bit,

then parked in Green Lane

It wasn't what you think!

If I take over the
Grantham Gallery,

there's a studio in the
back where I could paint

and manage the gallery
at the same time

Is that what your meeting
with Mr Cartell was about?

Yes

I want to paint more
than anything in life

And buying the Grantham's
the perfect way to do it

Or would be,

if it weren't for that
pontificating philistine

I bet Agatha Troy never
had any of these problems

Good night

And thank you so much
for a lovely dinner

I always enjoy our little chats

But soft! What light through
yonder window breaks?

Good God!

Desiree. What are you
doing down there?

I’m on the warpath, Harold

You ought to know by
now not to cross me

Oh, go to bed! You're drunk
and talking utter nonsense!

You’d better watch
your step, you...!

But listen,

you don't want to take
any notice of my mama

Why, she was probably
a touch squiffy

It would amuse her
to bait Harold

She always does
that sort of thing

But she was annoyed with him?

Well, livid

Well, we both were

So you're not exactly
overwhelmed with grief?

You'll have trouble
finding anyone who is

Lieutenant Bantling,

someone set a trap
for your stepfather

And when he literally
fell into it,

that someone levered an 800-pound
sewer pipe on top of him

It crushed his skull and drove
him face-down into the mud

Rory!

So, is there anything else
either of you can tell me?

Leonard Edward Leiss, petty larcenist,
three arrests, two convictions,

one for theft, one for fraud

Dishonourable discharge
from the army

Used forged references to
obtain job as a chauffeur

Likes to move in circles
above his station

"Above his station"?

- You know, sir, your lot
- Honestly, Brer!

Good morning

Forgive me, but when did
you last see your brother?

Last evening

He was taking Pixie for a walk

Brought her into the
house, like a fool

Of course, Ly became
hysterical and bit me

They're very highly-strung
animals, Pekes

Poor baby's still upset,
aren't you, poppet?

Yes!

Is that...?

Girth gall ointment. Smells a bit,
doesn't it? Works well, though

Miss Cartell, yesterday, Mr Pyke
Period gave a luncheon party

What did you talk about?

What does PP ever talk about
but background and breeding?

Of course I know that the war's
broken down all the class barriers

and I’m as glad of
that as the next man

But there's something
fundamental about good breeding

Many things in life can be
taught, but not good breeding

Well, I think when
people start making a

to-do about family
background and all,

it's because they're a bit hairy
round the heels themselves

There's no replacement
for breeding

It takes 600 years to make an English
lawn and an English gentleman

I’ve heard of it being
affected in less than no time

In fact, I know of
a man who forged

his own name in a
parish register

to establish his ancestry

That's a good one

- Was there any money in it?
- How was he found out?

Never has been

At least...

.. not in public

There was some talk of a cigarette
case that later went missing

Was there?

Not that I noticed

I know PP had a cigarette case,

but he's such an old muddlehead,
he probably lost it himself

He has suggested that...

Miss Ralston and Mr Leiss may have had
something to do with its disappearance

You don’t want to
pay any attention

to what PP says about them

He's out of touch with the young

He expects them all to
behave like his generation,

a lot of po-faced,
little humbugs

From Mr Period. The man
Alfred has left this

All right, Trudi, thank you

Just leave it there

Don't you want to look at that?
Please

My dear, what can I say?

Only that you have lost
a devoted brother,

- and I a very dear friend
- What is it?

"I know so well what a shock
this has been for you,

- and how bravely you have taken it."
- Miss Cartell?

He must be mad!

Mad

May I see that?

It seems like a perfectly
conventional letter of condolence

Why do you say that
he must be mad?

Because it's all happening again

He's written it before

Exactly the same

When?

This morning

Before breakfast

Before I knew

Before anybody knew

Before they’d found him

See for yourself

Before they’d found him

Ł2,000, sir

Ł2,000? Whew!

My wife Bunny's crazy
about art but...

Of course, I show up on
the doorstep with this,

she'll have to take
me back, won't she?

You can arrange for it to be
shipped over to the States?

Oh, but of course! I'd be
more than happy to do so

Good, good

- Troy!
- Hello, Hugo

- What are you doing here?
- I just thought I'd have a browse round

- You don’t mind, do you?
- Of course not. Feel free

- What are you up to?
- Up to?

Up to...

Ł4,000 for the Degas

Now, that is splendid

Pretty as a picture, isn't it?

- Thinking of buying?
- Yes, I am

- Is there some reason I shouldn’t?
- Oh, absolutely not

This is an extremely
reputable gallery

I'm quite certain that Mr
De Moncrieff has spared

no expense in verifying
the painting's origin

- He's very cautious that way
- I'm glad to hear it

But, of course, one
has to be with Corot,

as there are so many
forgeries of his work

As a matter of fact,
I've heard it said

that of the 700 proved originals
painted by Corot in his lifetime,

over 50,000 are to be
found in America alone

Really?

But there you are

As your very own
PT Barnum put it,

"There's one born every minute"

Oh, Dear

I hope I haven't put him off

Are you trying to ruin me, Troy?

That depends, Hugo

It was a cash transaction

I delivered the money to
this address in Bermondsey

Thank you

Troy

You want to be careful

You might just be getting too
clever for your own good

Do you mind if we
hang onto these?

No

Of course not

Thank you

Clever boy!

I'm coming

I'm sorry

I’ll have to see to this

In the garden, poppet

Get away from there!

Naughty boy!

Mr Leiss?

Who the hell are you?

Sorry to interrupt
your beauty sleep

Detective Chief Inspector
Alleyn, Scotland Yard

Scotland Yard?

I'd like to ask you a few questions
about Mr Period's cigarette case

Well, he's got connections,
I’ll give him that

Getting a Chief God
Almighty inspector

to investigate a
missing knickknack

What did you do with the case?

I told Cartell

We left it on the table

Look, you can search
the room or me

or my car or my girlfriend

We ain't got it

Oh, the case has been found

Well, there you are

Found where?

Exactly where you dropped
it, I should think

In the open sewer,

a few inches from
Mr Cartell's body

Leonard, we've got trouble!
Old Cartell,

dead as a door nail
and down the drain

What are you talking
about, Cartell's body?

- Miss Ralston?
- What do you mean, Cartell's body?

Perhaps you can tell me
what you and Mr Leiss

did with Mr Period’s
cigarette case

No, she can't

Because we didn’t

We never had it

We don’t know a thing about it

A moment ago, you told me I was
welcome to search this room

Do you hold to that?

Like I said,

I've got nothing to hide

Good

Did you smoke any of Mr Pyke
Period’s cigarettes yesterday?

Only one. Your Turkish
muck don’t really appeal

to my sensibilities,
ta very much

No?

- Miss Ralston?
- Same story

Look, Face, he's
going to valet you

I'd like to borrow these for
a little while, if I may?

It's not convenient

Would it be more convenient

if I were to sit here
and wait for a warrant?

All right, take
the bloody things

Thank you

I'd like a word with
you, too, Miss Ralston

What can I do for
you, Chief inspector?

You can wipe that smirk
off your face for a start

Inspector!

I'd like you to witness something
I'm gonna say to Miss Ralston

- Good afternoon, Miss Ralston
- Please understand

Inspector Fox and I are
investigating a murder

Murder? Auntie Con said
it was an accident

I think we can prove

that, last night, that cigarette case
was in his possession or in yours

Now, this morning, it was found
next to Mr Cartell's body

I don’t know what you mean.
I don’t know anything

Now, miss,

if you stole the cigarette
case and dropped it

in the ditch last night,
you’d better tell us now

You're trying to trap me

Do you know what
happens to people

who withhold evidence
in a case of murder?

It wasn't what you think

You've got it all wrong...

It was a lovely night
for a treasure hunt

Mr Leiss, would you kindly
take yourself out of this?

The young lady’s got nothing
to say to you, Alleyn

Are you looking for clues?
Here's one

If you don’t know what to do,
think it over in the loo

Come on!

Have Bailey go through
those, would you?

Right, sir

I'd swear there are traces of Turkish
tobacco in the overcoat pocket

What's most upsetting
is seeing the young

lady led astray in such a manner

Lilies that fester smell
far worse than weeds

I'm not sure that lily
didn’t start off as

a weed and fester
from there, sir

Got enough Turkish tobacco
out of that overcoat pocket

to satisfy a blind jury
man on a dark night

What about the gloves?

They're soiled but he didn’t lift
any planks with those on his hands

Have you got another
one of those?

Sorry, last one

Mr Pyke Period,

how is it that you wrote
two identical letters

of condolence to Miss Cartell,

the first of which you sent before the body
of her brother had even been discovered?

What? But I didn’t

Are these in your handwriting?

Must be some stupid mistake

- He must have...
- Who?

Alfred must have...

Must have what?

Anticipated the need for
a letter of condolence?

Forged your handwriting?

Sent the letter to the lady before
anybody knew she was bereaved?

There's no need to be
facetious, Chief inspector

I couldn’t agree more. It's
an extremely serious matter

You don’t understand...

I don't understand how Miss Cartell
received a letter concerning

her brother before
anybody knew he was dead

Well, I had occasion
to write to Connie

About what?

About something else. Something completely
different and extremely private

The letters must have gone
into the wrong envelopes

Well, that still doesn’t
explain how the letter

came to be written
in the first place

Unless you know someone else
who's lost a brother recently

Well, I did hear yesterday

And wrote?

And the letters were identical?

After all, why not?

I mean, one can't go on inventing
consolatory phrases forever

What's the name of this
other bereaved sister?

The one to whom this extremely
private letter was mistakenly sent?

You'll forgive me but
I'd rather not say

You come from an extremely
distinguished family, it seems

You're a twin

Yes

Bimbo. Benedict Arthur Dodds

Made a court appearance
two years ago

in connection with financial
interests in the...

Wait for it, sir

.. Hacienda Club

Declared bankrupt,
no criminal record

A string of financial calamities
and business failures

He's been in more tight
corners than a feather duster

Has he?

You’d better get some lunch and
then see if you can get more

out of Mrs Mitchell and Mr Belt

I can do the two
things at once, sir

Mr Belt and Mrs
Mitchell have suggested

I drop in for a snack

Lucky you

Oh, well

I'll just have to press on

and meet "the one desired"

Rory!

I didn’t know if it was going
to be you or your brother

who’d become a policeman

Desiree, has it really
been that long?

Harris, bring the inspector
some lunch, will you?

He looks famished

- Please don’t bother - It's no bother.
You're far too thin

Let's get some flesh
on these bones

Desiree

You didn't by any chance get a letter
from Mr Pyke Period this morning?

- Poor man must be going dotty
- Why?

"My Dear, I can't help feeling

that you might have drawn
the wrong conclusion

from the turn our
conversation took today

Too much to have to defend
one's own ancestry"

"But I can assure you
that mine goes back

as far as I, or anybody
else, could wish"

What on earth is he talking about?
We never had the conversation

Desiree, have you...

.. lost anyone recently?

Yes, my brother
died two days ago

I see!

PP's got his letters
crossed, hasn't he?

- May I hang onto that?
- May I ask why?

You may, but I shan't tell you

Did I ever succeed
in seducing you?

No

Mr Pyke Period dined here
last night, didn’t he,

during the treasure hunt?

- Yes - Was he angry? Upset?

Every morning, he
taps on my door

and calls out, "Bath's
empty, for what it's worth"

And that dog, Desiree, that
dog will be the death of me

The smell, the noise,
the destruction

Every night when he takes
her out for a walk,

she no sooner gets
below my window

than she starts barking
and wakes me up

Sometimes I could...

I almost believe he
puts her up to it

Just to irritate me,
to goad me into...

Well, I don’t know what

I found Harold hell
to live with, PP

I don’t see why you
should fare any better

If it were only his irritating
ways, I could get used to them

- But...
- Yes?

There's more, isn't there?

He's done something else

Besides the usual aggravations

Something that's
really upset you

Well, it's just
something he said

Oh, no, it's nothing. I'd rather not
talk about it, if you don't mind

- And you drove him home?
- Yes

Squiffy?

After you dropped him off,

you had words with
Mr Harold Cartell

about your son's inheritance

I did

Why was Cartell so set against
Andrew’s gallery idea?

He thought Andrew shouldn’t
resign his commission

PP's a trustee as well.
What does he think?

Oh, I can manage PP

Bimbo thinks the gallery's
a jolly good bet

He's got a flair for
that sort of thing

In fact, he intends to
invest in it himself

Does he?

He's no longer an
undercharged bankrupt, then?

I'm very much obliged to you

It would only to go
to waste, Mr Fox

Being as recent events,

have put Mr Belt and Mr
Period off their food so

I can't think of a worse plight

So you were in bed last night when
the murder took place, Alfred?

Of course, I was fast asleep

You heard nothing of the
disturbance about one o'clock?

Well, my room's on the
other side of the house

Excuse me, inspector

Hanging's too good for them

I believe in capital punishment

All this blather the Bolshies talk
about understanding the thugs

Somebody’s got to show the flag

Darling, don’t get onto
that hobby horse now

You had something to tell the
inspector about who killed Hal

Oh, yes

Well...

it may be completely irrelevant

It's about this Leiss
chap and the girl

Moppet?

They hung on till the
bitter end of the party

Thanks for coming!

Bye, old bean!

And that disposes of Mr
Harold Cartell for good

- When do you think they'll find it?
- In the morning, probably

Don't worry

We're in the clear

They upped sticks pretty
sharpish after that

What time did you get back
here after the treasure hunt?

It was before midnight, because
I had to check everything

was ready for the
guests coming back

You didn’t leave after that?

No

That's my phone

Are you still a member
of The Hacienda Club?

What the Devil does that
have to do with anything?

Well, I was wondering if you’d
ever run into Leonard Leiss there

I've never seen that little...

Mr Leiss before yesterday

I haven't set foot
inside The Hacienda Club

in over two years

Very wise

Desiree?

I seem to have
committed a faux pas,

showing you PP's funny letter

He has just telephoned
in a terrible tizzy,

telling me to throw it on the
fire and forget about it

You didn’t tell him I’d seen it?

No

But I feel such a traitor

It is good, isn't it?

Hideously good

And dear Rory,
optimistic as ever,

is quite certain they're
going to bump me off

at any moment to increase
the value of my work

Does Rory know
what you're up to?

Heavens, no. He told me to
stay out of it completely

Which, of course, had
precisely the opposite effect

Red rag to a bull

He'll say I'm stubborn
and pig-headed, I know

But it isn't that

Somehow...

Doing what I was told would seem
like submitting to his will

I suppose I'm terrified
of losing my independence

I'm afraid of us
becoming a couple

Becoming us, rather
than he and I

I don’t know, that's the
problem with falling in love

Perhaps I’m just too selfish

But I can't help it

If I close my eyes
and think "couple",

- I always picture a pantomime horse
- Which end are you?

You will be careful, Troy?

I wish everyone would
stop saying that

It worries me

I’m too angry to be careful

Rather odd behaviour, sir

Starting out as plain
Percival Period

And then going to those lengths to
make out he's something he's not

Delusions of grandeur

A pathologically sensitive
nose for class distinction

The man's barmy

Suppose he had enough money
to rub shoulders with...

my lot

He moves in posh circles

and begins to feel
almost at home

But there's always something missing.
Background, breeding

And then, one day,
somebody says to him,

"Are you, by any chance, related to
the Pyke Periods of Ribblethorpe?"

Well, he looks into the Pyke
Periods of Ribblethorpe

and discovers they've
completely died out

So he adjusts the
parish register,

adopts Pyke as a second name

Years pass

By now, he has persuaded himself
he is all he claims to be,

and is happily established
in his own fairy tale,

till Harold Cartell does a
little snooping in the church

and blows the gaffe at
yesterday's lunch party

Put like that, sir, it almost makes
one feel sorry for the silly old...

snob?

Could be a very strong
motive for murder

You want Leonard Leiss?

I'll give you Leonard Leiss. You
can have him. He's all yours!

- Miss Beech, I was only looking for him
- Take all of him!

Take his clothes!

Take everything!
You're welcome to him

You're doing me a favour

Here, take his
gramophone records

OK By Me

That's his favourite!

Who does he think he is, anyway?
Bringing that tart Mary Ralston here

Waltzing round like Lady Muck!

Telling me she was his
cousin from Chalfont!

How stupid do they think I am?

Take those to him
with my compliments!

Here, you can take
this rubbish an'all!

You give that lying
rat a message!

You tell him,

if he ever shows his poxy,
poncey face round here again,

I'll scratch his eyes out!

Thank you, Miss Beech

Three hairs consistent
with the deceased's

The plank hit him on
the head, all right

And there are these

You can make it
out quite clearly

The planks were muddy
where they'd dug

into the walls of the trench.
But at the edges,

about nine inches in...

.. these

Gloves?

Fortunately, it's a
rough undersurface

So, if we can find
as much leather

as would go through
the eye of a needle,

we might be in sight

Well, this may be
damn all, but...

Well, it's not wash
leather, is it?

More like strong hide

I give up. String?

Heavy leather and string, sir?

Sharp eyes, Mr
Alleyn, sharp eyes

Flattery will get
you nowhere, Bailey

One of your coppers brought
Lenny's coat and dinner suit back

- But his gloves are missing
- That's odd

I saw to the parcel myself.
Cream-washed leather,

size seven

No, his driving gloves

Leather string backs

I can't be long

Lenny thinks I’m dropping
the car at the garage

It’s sprung a leak
in the waterworks

Has it?

Did he have these driving
gloves last night?

He wore the others. He's
fussy about his gloves

Now, I suppose I’ll
get the rocket

Why should Mr Leiss be angry
with you, Miss Ralston?

Because I took the coats into the house
when we went to Auntie Con's yesterday

You remember where you put them?

I probably put them in the hall.
I usually do

Mr Leiss's overcoat was in
his wardrobe this morning

Well, I expect
Trudi put it there

Was he wearing his overcoat last
night during the treasure hunt?

What if he was?

Did you and he have any reason

to go to Mr Period’s
house last night?

This is a trick

You found them and
you're holding onto them

I know what you do

- Just answer the question, Miss Ralston
- No!

I won't!

You're trying to frame us!

Proper little madam

He'll have got rid of the gloves

Or tried to

Unless, of course, she
really did lose them,

and he's dead scared
we're gonna find them

Well, if PP approves,

I can anticipate my inheritance
and buy the Grantham gallery

Do you think he will approve?

Oh, yes, he's no problem.
Hal was just bloody-minded

And another one of my mother

She of the
flame-thrower coiffure

I'm quite sure Freud
would have something

to say about all these
paintings of your mother

I've done one of Freud as well

I think it's...

I used images from
his book on dreams

Don't go in there

Don't be shy

What is this?

It's...

Well, I was just
fooling around, really

These are Troy

You

What's going on, Andrew?

They're er... tributes

I wouldn’t dream of selling them

I just give them to
people, unsigned

Well, someone's signing
them, and selling them

The police found six of them two nights
ago in a nightclub. Troy's livid

Moppet

I gave her a still
life a few months back

Just for a lark

She raved about it,
asked me for more

Said she wanted to
hang them in her flat

Well, they were just
taking up space here

You're obsessed with
Troy, aren't you?

Tell me you didn’t
arrange all of this

My working for Mr Period,

our meeting,

as a way of getting close to her

Tell me none of that's true

Tell me!

If only we could find
those damn gloves

Let's go through it again

Lady Bantling was in
the lane at 11.15

Leiss and Miss Ralston at 11.30

Andrew Bantling and Nicola from 11.00
till shortly before one o'clock

Yes, but somebody had
to be there after one

to lever the sewer
pipe into the ditch

Well, for my money, that
was Leiss and Miss Ralston

They set the plank bridge up
during the treasure hunt,

and went back later

Detective Chief Inspector
Alleyn's office

Oh, yes. Would you
put him on, please?

Mr Percival Pyke Period

Hello?

Chief Inspector,

you're going to think me an
awful old shirker, I know

But I feel there's something I
should really have told you...

.. about last night

Mr Period?

Mr Period!

We need the car

Good evening, Mr Bantling

- Miss Cartell?
- Yes

My name's Agatha Troy

May I come in?

Why, yes, of course

Moppet's quite an
admirer of yours

I don't know much
about painting,

but she says you're
the cat's pyjamas

That's very kind

As a matter of fact, she
gave me that as a present

That's actually why I'm
here, Miss Cartell

I'm afraid that painting
and a number of others

that Mary and Mr Leiss
have been handling

are... forgeries

Miss Troy!

Mary's a wilful girl

Headstrong at times,
mischievous, even

But the idea that she's capable
of jiggery-pokery is, well...

.. poppycock!

Pure poppycock!

Clever boy!

Did Andrew send you?

Andrew?

You're all in it together,

playing a practical joke on me

Moppet as well

This isn't a joke, I'm afraid.
The police are involved

Miss Troy, these are
wicked, wicked lies

I know Mary better than anyone

I'm telling you she's not
capable of such things

Now, possibly...

someone she's allowed
herself to get close to

She's so alone in the world,
it makes her vulnerable

She gives of herself too freely,

trusts too easily, you see

But forging paintings!
My Moppet?

She wouldn’t know where to begin

I don’t actually believe
that she or Mr Leiss

forged the paintings,
Miss Cartell

Of course they didn’t. I'll make some tea.
Do sit down

That song ought to
have told Alleyn

What song?

What song, Mr Period?

Over and over

Whistling at luncheon

Awfully bad form

Couldn’t get it out of my head.
So silly

OK By Me. Over and over

I knew it was him the
moment I heard it

If you think... mean I mean

Was it Leonard Leiss
whistling the song?

Must speak to Alleyn

I'm here, Mr Period

Tell him, last
night in the lane,

whistling that tune

OK By Me

That was the tune

Was it Leonard Leiss
whistling the tune at lunch

and then in the lane last night?

So vulgar

Can you remember what time?

Mr Period, it's very important that I know
what time Leonard Leiss was in the lane

After the dog. Later

Later than one o'clock?

Woke me up again. I
heard the whistling

I'd recognise those
lips at 100 yards

Mary "Moppet" Ralston

And the two Capstan

Leiss by name, louse by nature

Excuse me

Alfred, did you deliver
any messages today?

Across the green, for instance?

Yes, sir. To Miss Cartell

For Miss Cartell?

No, sir. For Miss
Ralston and Mr Leiss

Pick them up, then, sir?

It's not that easy, I'm afraid

Yes, Mr Pyke Period heard Leiss
whistling out here last night

OK By Me

But after one o'clock,

when they were picking up
water for their radiator

Mr Alleyn!

There are two sets
of paw prints here

Now, this one here's Pixie's,

I reckon, sir

Like the ones we found
by the sewer ditch

But this smaller one here...

Pekinese

Miss Troy,

I've often considered
commissioning a portrait of Mary

How much would it...?

You seem to have lost a glove

What makes you think it's mine?

I'm sorry, it's...

the bloodstain on the thumb

Miss Moppet isn't the innocent,

little angel you like to
think she is, Constance

You're besotted with her

Balderdash!

You are, but I tell you this,

if you've any authority
over her at all,

you’d better use it

Because unless that cigarette
case is returned by tomorrow,

I'm calling the police
and pressing charges,

against the two of them!

Thank you

Nearly out of sugar

I don't think Leonard's social
graces are any concern of yours

That's the trouble with them

They can't see beyond the end
of their aristocratic noses

The cigarette case? Is that what you
brought us over here to talk about?

Just a minute. Just what are you
getting at, Mr Pyke Period?

What we were doing last night is
absolutely no concern of yours

You were whistling the very same
tune that you whistled at luncheon

I heard it quite distinctly

So don't deny you
were in the lane

Unless you can give
a good account

of what you were doing there...

You're not sticking
us for this murder

We know a thing or two about you
as well, Mr Plain Percival Period

How dare you!

Get out of my house!

Go on! Out!

Think you can blackmail me?

We'll just see about that!
I'm calling the police!

Don't imagine you're
going to stop me!

Like you stopped poor,
old Harold Cartell

Chief Inspector,

you're going to think me an
awful old shirker, I know

But I feel there's something I
should really have told you

about last night

There we are!

Now then, what were
we talking about?

Thank you, I never take sugar

Not even this once?

Isn't that...?

It's Troy's

Do you have children, Miss Troy?

No. No, I don't

No, I didn’t think so

If you did, though, you’d
appreciate the difficulties

The pitfalls

What a hopelessly
heartbreaking task it can be

Trying to keep them on
the straight and narrow

There's so many
hazards along the way

So many temptations and
external influences

Girls, especially

They get to a certain age,

and you know what
rears its ugly head

So many meddlers and
busybodies interfering

They become prey to jackals

Every scallywag and
philanderer within miles

starts sniffing around

Men dangle temptation
in front of a girl

Lying,

scheming,

turning her head
with false promises

They're charlatans!

And humbugs!

They don't know what love means!

And we, who really love,

who know that it means
sacrifice and...

and self-denial,

who have to clean up the
mess when it's all over

How can we compete?

How can we keep hold
of what we love?

How can we stop the charlatans and
the humbugs from taking it away?

I'll take that, Connie

Connie...

There's no point now

How can we...

keep hold?

How can we stop?

Never in my all life have I met anybody
so confoundedly stubborn as you!

I found Leonard and
Moppet, didn’t I?

And the proof it was them
signing Andrew’s forgeries!

What were you doing walking
into a murder investigation!

I didn’t know it was a
murder investigation!

Nothing any says makes
a bit of difference

You just get an idea in
your head and off you go!

Well, I'm sorry!

How could you be so reckless?

- I'm sorry!
- I warned you to stay out of it

- Sorry!
- Is that all you can say, "Sorry"?

Sorry

Damn it, Troy, you
could have been killed

The transport's here
for Miss Cartell, sir

Thanks, Brer

Why, Mr Alleyn? Her own brother

I suppose she couldn’t
bear the idea

of her precious Moppet
going to prison

Pitiful

Desperate

Barmy

The cruel madness of love

Shakespeare?

Tennyson

Good night, Brer

Good night, sir