All in the Family (1971–1979): Season 5, Episode 22 - Edith's Friend - full transcript

Edith goes to Scranton to attend a family wedding and meets up with her aunts, who remind her of her cousin Roy, whom she knew as a child. Later, in a restaurant, Edith runs into cousin Roy and the two rekindle the old days. He makes it clear that they aren't really blood relatives and, without words, makes it understood that he is interested in her romantically. Edith becomes conflicted because she knows how charming Roy is, and even begins to share some of the same feelings. Just before the wedding, Roy comes by her hotel room and the two share a dance together, but before things get too far, Edith fakes a phone call to Archie back home. Roy, out of respect, quietly leaves. Back home, Edith is touched that Archie missed her and while hugging him looks at the corsage that Roy gave her and throws it away.

♪ BOY, THE WAY
GLENN MILLER PLAYED ♪

♪ SONGS THAT MADE
THE HIT PARADE ♪

♪ GUYS LIKE US, WE HAD IT MADE ♪

♪ THOSE WERE THE DAYS ♪

♪ AND YOU KNEW
WHERE YOU WERE THEN ♪

♪ GIRLS WERE GIRLS
AND MEN WERE MEN ♪

(both) ♪ MISTER, WE
COULD USE A MAN ♪

♪ LIKE HERBERT HOOVER AGAIN ♪

♪ DIDN'T NEED NO
WELFARE STATES ♪

♪ EVERYBODY PULLED HIS WEIGHT ♪

(both) ♪ GEE, OUR OLD
LASALLE RAN GREAT ♪



♪ THOSE WERE ♪

♪ THE DAYS ♪

YOU KNOW, IT'D BE AWFUL NICE
TO HAVE A COLD BEER OVER HERE.

GUESS, UH, NOBODY
HEARD ME OVER THERE, HUH?

THERE'S PLENTY IN THE REFRIG.

GEE, SOME DAUGHTERS I KNOW

WOULD BE GLAD TO GET
THEIR DADDIES A COLD BEER.

AND SOME DADDIES I
KNOW WOULD BE GLAD

TO GO WITH THEIR WIVES
TO A FAMILY WEDDING.

[razzing] TO ALL OF THAT.

WELL, I DON'T THINK IT
WAS VERY NICE OF YOU

TO LET MA GO TO
SCRANTON ALL BY HERSELF.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?

HUH, WHAT ABOUT ME?



YOUR MOTHER KNOWS DAMN
WELL I DON'T LIKE WEDDINGS

EVER SINCE THE
LAST ONE I WENT TO.

THAT WAS MINE!

CASE CLOSED.

NO, THE CASE IS NOT CLOSED.

AND NOT JUST MA'S FEELINGS,
WHAT ABOUT THE BRIDE?

(Archie) HUH?

[phone ringing]

AND WHAT ABOUT... WHAT ABOUT
MA'S AUNT CLARA AND HER AUNT ROSE?

OH, TO HELL WITH
THEM. THEY'RE UGLY.

(Gloria) HELLO?

HI, MA. DID YOU
HAVE A NICE TRIP?

OH, TOO BAD.

DADDY, YOU WANNA TALK TO MA?

WELL, DOES SHE WANNA TALK TO ME?

NO, I DON'T WANNA TALK
TO YOUR FATHER, GLORIA.

WELL, HE MADE ME COME DOWN HERE

TO A FAMILY WEDDING ALONE.

AND I'M HERE ALL BY MYSELF.

I-I-IF HE WANTS TO TALK TO ME,

TELL HIM HE SHOULD
HAVE COME WITH ME.

NO, THAT'S ALL,
GLORIA. GOOD-BYE.

[mumbles]

[sighs]

[knocking on door]

[exclaims]

OH, WHO IS IT?

(woman #1) GUESS WHO?

(woman #2) GUESS WHO?

AUNT CLARA AND AUNT ROSE!

(both) OH, YOU GUESSED.

EDITH!

ROSE! EDITH!

OH, I'M SO GLAD TO SEE YA!

SIT DOWN.

MY, AIN'T THIS A LOVELY ROOM.

WE WOULD'VE ASKED YOU
TO STAY WITH US, EDITH,

BUT OUT PLACE IS
SUCH A MADHOUSE.

OH, YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN.

MY POOR GRACE IS A
REGULAR NERVOUS BRIDE.

YOU JUST SAY HELLO TO HER
AND SHE BURSTS INTO TEARS.

OH, HER FACE IS GONNA
BE SO PUFFY BY TOMORROW,

SHE'LL NEED AN EXTRA VEIL.

OH!

OH, MY, I'M SO HAPPY FOR HER.

WHERE ARE THEY GOIN'
ON THEIR HONEYMOON?

OH, ANY PLACE HE
WANTS TO TAKE HER.

WHEN YOU'RE GRACE'S AGE,

YOU'LL SETTLE FOR THE
GREYHOUND BUS TERMINAL.

I WANNA ASK YOU SOMETHIN'.

DO YOU THINK THIS DRESS IS
ALL RIGHT FOR THE WEDDING?

WELL, IT'S VERY NICE,
EDITH. JUST PLAIN ENOUGH.

THE LAST TIME I WORE THIS

WAS MY 26TH WEDDING
ANNIVERSARY, LAST YEAR.

26 YEARS?

WHY, IT JUST SEEMS LIKE
YESTERDAY I SANG AT YOUR WEDDING.

(Edith) YEAH.

♪ OH, PROMISE ME
THAT SOMEDAY... ♪

WE REMEMBER IT, CLARA.

YEAH, ARCHIE SAID
HE'D NEVER FORGET IT.

HOW IS ARCHIE?

OH, UH, JUST THE SAME.

ARCHIE NEVER CHANGES.

WHAT A SHAME!

WELL, HOW IS YOUR
HUMPHREY, CLARA?

OH, HUMPHREY'S BEEN
PROMOTED TO FROZEN FOODS.

AND HE'S GETTIN' A
NEW HAIR TRANSPLANT.

HIS HEAD LOOKS LIKE KOJAK
WITH 5 O'CLOCK SHADOW.

WHO ELSE IS COMING
TO THE WEDDING?

ALL THE CLAN, SEE.

THE PINCHMEYERS ARE COMIN'.

WILL COUSIN ROY BE THERE?

COUSIN ROY?

COUSIN... OF COURSE.

YOU WERE ALWAYS SWEET
ON HIM, WEREN'T YOU, EDITH?

OH, NO.

NO, I WAS... (Clara) NOW,
COME ON NOW, EDITH.

WHY, EVERY TIME YOU
PLAYED "POST OFFICE",

HE ALWAYS HAD SPECIAL
DELIVERIES FOR YOU.

NO, SOME OF THEM
WAS JUST AIR MAILS.

ALL I EVER GOT WAS
"RETURN TO SENDER."

OH, YOU KNOW THAT, UH, ROY'S
WIFE PASSED AWAY 3 YEARS AGO?

OH, YEAH, I HEARD.

POOR MAN. BUT I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED
IF HE GOT MARRIED AGAIN, REAL SOON.

NO, THESE DAYS MEN DON'T BUY.

THEY RENT.

WE GOTTA BE GOIN'.

YOU KNOW, THE NIGHT AIR'S
NOT GOOD FOR MY VOICE.

THE DAY AIR ISN'T
SO GOOD EITHER.

YOU'RE NOT SINGING
AT THIS WEDDING, CLARA.

I AM, TOO, SINGING.

YOU ARE NOT SINGING.
YOU ARE A JINX.

EVERY WEDDING YOU'VE EVER
SUNG AT ENDED IN DIVORCE.

THAT AIN'T TRUE. I SANG AT
ARCHIE AND EDITH'S WEDDIN'.

THAT'S EVEN WORSE.
IT ENDED IN MARRIAGE.

BYE, SEE YOU TOMORROW.

YEAH, SEE YOU IN CHURCH.

THANK YOU.

WOULD MADAME
CARE FOR A COCKTAIL?

OH, NO, THANK YOU.

UH, WOULD MADAME
CARE TO ORDER NOW?

JUST A MINUTE.

[clears throat]

WOULD MADAME CARE
TO GIVE ME A KISS?

[exclaims]

ROY!

OH, ROY JOHNSON!

[exclaiming] EDITH.

IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU
AFTER ALL THESE YEARS!

OH! ME, TOO!

OH, YOU SURE FOOLED ME!

WHEN YOU ASKED FOR A KISS, I
WAS GONNA CALL THE MANAGER.

OH, I'M... I'M GLAD
YOU DIDN'T, EDITH.

HE'S A LOUSY KISSER.

ROY, YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED A BIT!

NEITHER HAVE YOU. CAN... CAN I
GET MY COFFEE AND JOIN YOU?

OH, SURE!

WELL, LITTLE COUSIN EDITH.

REMEMBER HOW YOU USED TO

COME UP TO SCRANTON
EVERY SUMMER?

AND YOU TOOK ME TO THE MOVIES

AND THEN FOR ICE
CREAM AFTERWARDS.

WELL, NOT JUST ME. LOTS
OF THE GUYS TOOK YOU OUT.

OH, BUT YOU WAS
DIFFERENT. YOU PAID.

DID YOU COME TO
THE WEDDING ALONE?

YEAH.

BUT HOW HAVE YOU BEEN, ROY?

ARE YOU STILL MAKIN'
THINGS WITH YOUR HANDS?

MMM, YEAH, YEAH.

STILL SOME PEOPLE
AROUND WHO APPRECIATE

FINE CABINETMAKING,
THANK GOODNESS.

I STILL HAVE THE JEWEL
BOX YOU MADE FOR ME.

OH, NO.

OH, SURE.

COURSE I AIN'T GOT
NO JEWELS TO PUT IN IT,

[chuckles]

SO I USE IT FOR MY HAIRPINS.

I STILL GOT SOMETHING
ELSE YOU GAVE ME, TOO!

OH, ROY. I WAS WONDERIN'
ALL DAY YESTERDAY

IF I'D SEE YOU HERE.

UH, UH, BECAUSE, OF COURSE
I EXPECTED ALL THE RELATIVES

WOULD COME TO THE WEDDING.

WELL, WHAT IS IT? LET ME SEE.

OH, YEAH. REMEMBER
WHEN YOU TOOK ME

TO STEEPLECHASE PARK
AND WE WENT ON "THE WHIP?"

AND YOU FELL AGAINST ME
AND SQUISHED MY ESKIMO PIE?

YEAH!

HERE IT IS!

IT'S THE RING YOU GAVE ME
OUT OF YOUR CRACKER JACK BOX.

OF COURSE!

I KEEP IT IN YOUR JEWEL
BOX, UNDER THE HAIRPINS.

ALL THIS TIME! GEE, WHIZ.

WE HAD A LOT OF FUN
TOGETHER, DIDN'T WE? OH.

YOU REMEMBER
PLAYING "POST OFFICE"?

NO.

WELL, YEAH, MAYBE A LITTLE.

LOOK, EDITH, SINCE YOU'RE
ALONE AND I'M ALONE,

WHY DON'T I TAKE YOU TO
THE WEDDING TOMORROW?

WELL...

YEAH, I GUESS IT
WOULD BE ALL RIGHT,

SINCE WE'RE COUSINS.

[clears throat] WE'RE NOT
REALLY COUSINS, EDITH.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

SURE, WE USED TO CALL
EACH OTHER "COUSIN",

BUT I KNOW WE'RE
NOT FIRST COUSINS

BECAUSE MY AUNT
AND UNCLE HAD 3 KIDS

AND YOU WEREN'T ONE OF THEM.

WELL, THEN WE MUST
BE SECOND COUSINS.

NO, NO, I DON'T THINK SO.

OH, WELL, THEN I GUESS IT'S
THIRD OR FOURTH COUSINS.

NO, NO, A THIRD COUSIN WOULD BE
ONCE REMOVED FROM A SECOND COUSIN,

AND A FOURTH COUSIN WOULD BE
A SECOND COUSIN TWICE REMOVED.

TWICE REMOVED FROM WHAT?

FROM THE FIRST COUSIN.

LOOK, YOUR AUNT CLARA IS
YOUR MOTHER'S SISTER, RIGHT?

NO, AUNT CLARA IS
MY FATHER'S SISTER.

THE ONLY AUNT I COULD
HAVE ON MY MOTHER'S SIDE

WOULD BE MY UNCLE HERMAN'S WIFE.

AND HE NEVER HAD NO WIFE.

SO, THE ONLY THING I
GOT FROM MY MOTHER

WAS AN UNCLE.

BUT, YOU SEE, YOUR AUNT
CLARA'S SISTER, ROSE,

WAS MARRIED TO MY
MOTHER'S BROTHER-IN-LAW.

SO THAT MADE HER MY AUNT
ROSE BY MARRIAGE, SEE?

WELL, THEN, WHAT
DOES THAT MAKE US?

TOTAL STRANGERS.

YOU MEAN THERE AIN'T
NO BLOOD BETWEEN US?

NO, NOT A DROP.

[exclaims]

OH, THAT'S TERRIBLE.

WHY? IT DOESN'T
CHANGE ANYTHING, EDITH.

WELL... IF WE AIN'T
COUSINS, WHAT ARE WE?

WE'RE JUST VERY GOOD FRIENDS.

OH, DON'T WORRY
ABOUT ME, GLORIA.

IT'S LIKE OLD HOME WEEK UP HERE,

WITH AUNT ROSE AND AUNT
CLARA AND EVERYBODY.

YEAH. I'M GONNA
STAY HERE TONIGHT

AND I'M GONNA TAKE THE
BUS HOME TOMORROW.

[knocking on door]

OH, THERE'S SOMEBODY
AT THE DOOR, GLORIA.

I GOTTA GO NOW, GOOD-BYE.

COMING, ROY!

(Rose) IT'S NOT ROY, IT'S ROSE.

(Clara) WHAT ABOUT ME?

AND CLARA.

OH! YOU LOOK LOVELY!

EDITH.

WELL, EDITH,

I'VE GOT SOMETHING VERY
IMPORTANT TO ASK YOU.

EDITH, CAN I SING?

WELL, SURE, IT'S A FREE COUNTRY.

I DON'T MEAN, "CAN I SING?"

I MEAN, "CAN I SING?"

OH! WELL...

EDITH, YOU'VE NEVER BEEN
AFRAID TO TELL THE TRUTH

EVEN WHEN IT HURTS.

NOW, DON'T TRY TO INFLUENCE HER.

WHAT'S YOUR ANSWER, EDITH?

WHAT WAS THE QUESTION?

THE QUESTION IS:

YOU THINK I'M A VERY
GOOD SINGER, DON'T YOU?

EDITH, THE TRUTH.

WELL, ARCHIE SAYS THAT I
GET MY VOICE FROM YOU, CLARA.

THE WHOLE FAMILY
EXPECTS ME TO SING.

CLARA, THERE'S A FINE LINE
BETWEEN EXPECTATION AND DREAD.

IT'S UP TO YOU, EDITH.

DO I SING AT THE WEDDING?

WELL, WHAT DO YOU SAY, EDITH?

WELL... YOU WANNA
SING, DON'T YOU, CLARA?

WITH ALL MY HEART.

AND, ROSE, YOU DON'T
WANNA HEAR HER SING.

WITH ALL MY HEART.

WELL, THEN, IT'S SIMPLE!

CLARA, YOU SING, AND,
ROSE, YOU DON'T LISTEN!

THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

I'LL START WITH OH, PROMISE ME.

OVER MY DEAD BODY.

FOR THAT, I'LL DO ROCK OF AGES.

♪ OH, PROMISE ME ♪

♪ THAT SOMEDAY YOU AND I ♪

♪ [humming]

[knocking on door]

COMING, ROY.

HI, EDITH.

HELLO, ROY.

I'LL GET MY COAT.

NO HURRY, EDITH. WE'VE STILL
GOT ABOUT A HALF AN HOUR.

OH, THAT'S RIGHT.

ARE YOU GONNA ASK ME TO COME IN?

OH, SURE, COME ON IN.

HEY, THAT'S A
PRETTY HAT YOU HAVE.

THANK YOU.

I THINK IT'S A
LITTLE OUT-OF-DATE

BUT I GOT IT AT A SALE.

I'VE ALWAYS LIKED YOU IN A HAT.

YOU'VE GOT A HAT KIND
OF HEAD, YOU KNOW.

THANK YOU.

HERE. HERE'S SOMETHING
TO WEAR WITH IT.

VIOLETS! MY FAVORITE!

YEAH, I REMEMBER.

OH, WE USED TO PICK
'EM IN McGREGOR WOODS

AFTER WE FINISHED
PLAYING "TAKE A GIANT STEP."

REMEMBER?

"GO BACK, GO BACK,
YOU DIDN'T SAY 'MAY I?'"

UH, MAY I?

OH.

[giggling]

HERE.

THANK YOU.

AIN'T THIS A NICE ROOM?

DO YOU LIKE THE PICTURES?

YEAH. THAT'S ANOTHER THING
WE'VE GOT IN COMMON, EDITH.

I'VE GOT THE SAME
PICTURES IN MY ROOM.

YOU DO?

I THINK THEY MUST
BE VERY VALUABLE.

THEY'RE BOLTED TO THE WALL.

CAN I BORROW YOUR THUMB?

THAT ALL DEPENDS ON
WHICH ONE YOU WANT.

THE RIGHT OR THE LEFT?

[giggling]

YOU KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING
LAST NIGHT AFTER I LEFT YOU?

NO, WHAT?

I WAS WONDERING, WHAT
WOULD'VE HAPPENED

IF WE KNEW WE WEREN'T COUSINS
WHEN WE WERE KIDS TOGETHER.

I HOPE GRACE LIKES
THE WEDDING PRESENT.

IT'S ONE OF THEM CLOCK
RADIOS WITH ALL THEM BUTTONS.

YOU KNOW, YOU PRESS A BUTTON

IF YOU WANNA WAKE
UP TO THE ALARM

OR YOU PRESS ANOTHER BUTTON

IF YOU WANNA WAKE UP TO MUSIC?

OR, I-I-IF YOU DON'T
WANNA PRESS NO BUTTONS,

YOU JUST, UH, WAKE UP
WHEN YOUR EYES OPEN.

[giggling]

DO YOU REALIZE, EDITH,

THAT WE WERE UP UNTIL AFTER
1:00 THIS MORNING TALKIN'?

WE SPENT MORE THAN
7 HOURS TOGETHER.

AND IT ALL SEEMED LIKE
A... LIKE A HALF AN HOUR.

I WANTED TO GET GRACE
A, UH, AN ELECTRIC BLANKET

BUT ARCHIE SAYS
PRESIDENT FORD THINKS

IT'S WRONG TO
WASTE ENERGY IN BED.

DID YOU, UH, DID YOU
ENJOY OUR WALK LAST NIGHT?

OH, YEAH.

OH, IT WAS SO NICE SEEIN'
THE OLD NEIGHBORHOOD.

IN QUEENS, NOBODY
WALKS AT NIGHT NO MORE.

NOBODY WALKS?

WELL, THE PEOPLE THAT DO ARE
THE REASON THE OTHERS DON'T.

EDITH, WE STILL HAVE
LOTS OF TIME, YOU KNOW.

HERE, LET ME.

OH.

YOU'D LOVE PRINCETON,
THOUGH, EDITH.

OH, I THINK IT'S A LITTLE LATE
FOR ME TO GO TO COLLEGE.

NO, I MEAN THE TOWN.

I MEAN, THAT'S WHERE I LIVE.

YOU KNOW, IT'S...
YOU CAN WALK THERE,

AND TOUCH ALL THOSE
BIG TREES IN THE STREETS.

OH.

YEAH, IF YOU TOUCH
A TREE IN NEW YORK,

YOUR HAND GETS FULL OF DIRT.

I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING

ABOUT ANY PLACE WAS,
UH, WHO YOU WERE WITH.

THAT'S TRUE!

ALL THIS MORNING I
WAS THINKIN' AGAIN

ABOUT STEEPLECHASE PARK
AND YOUR CRACKER JACK RING.

IT WAS LIKE I WAS
LOOKIN' AT A PHOTO ALBUM.

YOU IN YOUR BLUE SUIT.

THE ESKIMO PIE ON IT.

[laughing]

AND ME WITH A BIG
BALL OF COTTON CANDY.

AND WE WERE DANCIN' IN THE DARK.

THAT'S RIGHT.

DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT
THE BAND WAS PLAYIN'?

NO.

DROVE THE SHADOWS AWAY.

DROVE THE SHADOWS AWAY? MMM-HMM.

HOW DOES THAT GO?

♪ LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, DROVE
THE SHADOWS AWAY! ♪

YOU'RE RIGHT.

BUT I ALWAYS THOUGHT IT
WAS LOVE WALKED RIGHT IN.

THAT'S IT!

♪ LOVE WALKED RIGHT IN ♪

♪ AND DROVE THE SHADOWS AWAY ♪

[laughing]

♪ LOVE WALKED RIGHT IN ♪

♪ AND BROUGHT MY SUNNIEST DAY ♪

YOU KNOW WHAT, EDITH? I
GOT A GREAT IDEA. LISTEN.

TONIGHT, AFTER THE RECEPTION,

HOW ABOUT YOU AND I
GOIN' OUT SOMEPLACE?

TONIGHT?

YEAH, SURE. WE COULD
GO GET SOMETHING TO EAT

AND WHO KNOWS, YOU KNOW,

MAYBE WE COULD FIND SOME PLACE

WHERE WE COULD GO
DANCING AGAIN, YOU KNOW?

[chuckling]

OH! I AIN'T DIPPED IN YEARS!

[phone ringing]

THERE'S THE PHONE.

YEAH, I KNOW. HOW ABOUT TONIGHT?

[phone ringing]

OH, WILL YOU EXCUSE ME?

HELLO?

WHO?

OH! HELLO, ARCHIE!

OH! WHAT DID YOU SAY?

OH, YOU MISS ME, DEAR?

I MISS YOU, TOO, DEAR.

NO, UH.

I AIN'T STAYIN' TONIGHT.

UH, I'M COMIN' HOME.

I'M CATCHIN' THE FIRST BUS
RIGHT AFTER THE RECEPTION.

I'LL, UH, I'LL MEET
YOU IN THE CAR, EDITH.

THANK YOU.

[door shuts]

OH. HELLO? YES, I'M AFRAID
YOU'VE GOT THE WRONG ROOM.

I'M SORRY, DON'T
PAY NO ATTENTION

TO WHAT I JUST SAID
TO YOU. GOOD-BYE.

[grunts]

AW, JEEZ.

LOOK AT THIS GROCERY
DESTROYER OVER HERE.

IT AIN'T 3 HOURS
SINCE WE HAD SUPPER,

AND ALREADY HE'S
STUFFIN' HIMSELF AGAIN.

YOU KNOW, I HEARD OF
GUYS WITH TAPEWORMS.

BUT I THINK YOU GOT A LITTLE
BOA RESTRICTOR DOWN THERE.

DADDY, IF MICHAEL
DOESN'T EAT IT,

IT'LL ONLY GO TO WASTE.

WELL, WHERE IS IT GOING TO NOW?

YOU'RE JUST CRABBY 'CAUSE
YOU COULDN'T SLEEP LAST NIGHT.

WELL, THAT'S RIGHT AND
THAT'S YOUR MOTHER'S FAULT.

HOW CAN I SLEEP IN NEW YORK
WHEN SHE'S DOWN IN SCRANTON?

I'M HOME!

[Archie exclaiming]

(Gloria) OH, HI, MA!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING BACK TONIGHT?

I THOUGHT YOU WERE STAYIN' OVER.

WELL, UH, I CHANGED MY MIND.

OH, YOU COULDN'T
WAIT TO GET BACK.

I TOLD YOU IT WAS GONNA
BE JERKY DOWN THERE.

OH, NO. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.

[Archie groans]

OH, IT WAS A LOVELY WEDDING.
COUSIN GRACE LOOKED BEAUTIFUL.

AND AUNT ROSE WAS
THERE AND AUNT CLARA SANG.

♪ OH, PROMISE ME ♪

NO, DON'T SING IT, DON'T!

IF I WANTED TO KNOW WHAT
WENT ON AT THE WEDDIN',

I WOULD HAVE WENT WITH YOU.
WHAT A DOPEY WEDDIN' ANYWAY!

GRACE, AT HER AGE,
MARRYING THAT GUY, AT HIS AGE.

OH, THEY LOOKED LIKE THEY
WAS VERY MUCH IN LOVE.

OH, GEE, LOVE.

THE ONLY THING THEM TWO ARE
GONNA BE ABLE TO DO EVERY NIGHT

IS PUT THEIR TEETH
IN THE SAME GLASS.

LOOK AT YOU WITH
THE POSIES THERE.

WHAT DID YOU DO, CATCH
THE BRIDE'S CORSET?

NO.

SOMEBODY GAVE ME THESE
WHO USED TO BE MY COUSIN.

ARCHIE, DID YOU MISS ME?

COME ON, EDITH, FOR ONE NIGHT?

YEAH, MA, HE MISSED YOU.

HE COULDN'T SLEEP
ALL NIGHT WITHOUT YOU.

SHUT UP, YOU.

ARCHIE, YOU DID MISS ME!

OH, YOU MISSED
ME! OH, YEAH, YEAH.

YEAH.

OH, JEEZ, EDITH, IN
FRONT OF THE KIDS, EDITH.

HE MISSED ME, HE MISSED ME.

(male announcer) ALL IN THE
FAMILY WAS RECORDED ON TAPE

BEFORE A LIVE AUDIENCE.