All in the Family (1971–1979): Season 5, Episode 19 - Amelia's Divorce - full transcript

Edith's cousin Amelia and her husband Russell comes to visit despite the fact that Archie can't stand either one. Amelia won't shut up about how wonderful Russell is, and Russell won't shut up about how much money he makes. Archie tries to excuse himself from their love-fest by going down to Kelcy's only to find that Russell wants to go with him. Separately, both Edith and Archie find out how much trouble Russell and Amelia's marriage is in. Amelia tells Edith that she is ready to divorce Russell because the fire has gone out of their sex life. Meanwhile Russell tells Archie about his appetite for young girls. Returning home, Russell and Amelia say their goodbyes leaving Archie and Edith with a new appreciation of their relationship.

♪ BOY, THE WAY
GLENN MILLER PLAYED ♪

♪ SONGS THAT MADE
THE HIT PARADE ♪

♪ GUYS LIKE US, WE HAD IT MADE ♪

♪ THOSE WERE THE DAYS ♪

♪ AND YOU KNEW
WHERE YOU WERE THEN ♪

♪ GIRLS WERE GIRLS
AND MEN WERE MEN ♪

(both) ♪ MISTER, WE
COULD USE A MAN ♪

♪ LIKE HERBERT HOOVER AGAIN ♪

♪ DIDN'T NEED NO
WELFARE STATES ♪

♪ EVERYBODY PULLED HIS WEIGHT ♪

(both) ♪ GEE, OUR OLD
LASALLE RAN GREAT ♪



♪ THOSE WERE ♪

♪ THE DAYS ♪

I'M BACK.

OH, YOU SHOULD'VE BEEN
AT CHURCH WITH ME TODAY.

YEAH, WHY?

THE REVEREND FELCHER
GAVE SUCH A NICE SERMON.

ALL ABOUT GOOD AND EVIL.

YEAH, WHICH SIDE WAS HE ON?

ON THE GOOD SIDE.

HE SAYS THAT GOD IS GOOD

WITH ONE OF THE O'S TAKEN OUT.

AND EVIL IS DEVIL
WITH THE 'D' TAKEN OUT.

AIN'T THAT SMART?

YOU SHOULD'VE BEEN THERE.



YEAH. WELL, I'LL GO THERE

WHEN THE REVEREND
FLETCHER GETS TAKEN OUT.

HE SAYS THAT THE LORD
SMILES ON HIS SHEEP

WHEN THEY ARE IN HIS FOLD.

WELL, THE LORD MAYBE
SMILIN' ON HIS SHEEPS,

BUT THEY STILL WIND
UP LAMB CHOPS, EDITH.

HE ASKED ME AGAIN
WHY YOU WASN'T WITH ME?

WELL, I HOPE YOU TOLD HIM
THAT SUNDAY IS MY DAY OF REST.

AND IF I HAVE TO JUMP OUT OF
BED AND TEAR OFF TO CHURCH,

HOW AM I GOIN' TO GET THAT REST?

[sighing] OH, YEAH.

WELL, I DIDN'T REST TOO GOOD
NEITHER. I TOSSED ALL NIGHT.

HOW DID YOU COME UP THIS
MORNIN'? HEADS OR TAILS?

[giggles]

NO, I WAS WORRYIN' ABOUT MIKE
AND GLORIA SLEEPIN' UP THERE

IN THAT COLD MOUNTAIN CABIN.

[shivering] I HOPE THEY
WAS WARM ENOUGH.

OH, JEEZ, DON'T WORRY
ABOUT THEM TWO.

THEY COULD SET A
WATER BED BOILIN'.

YOU GONNA CHANGE YOUR CLOTHES?

WHY, I AIN'T GOING
NOWHERES. I GONNA SIT HERE,

READ MY PAPER, WATCH
T.V., DRINK MY BEER.

AND TALK TO MY COUSIN
AMELIA AND RUSSELL.

HUH?

REMEMBER? THEY'RE
COMIN' TO VISIT TODAY.

WAIT A MINUTE.
WAIT, WAIT A MINUTE.

DON'T LAY A THING
LIKE THAT ON ME

AND THEN DISAPPEAR
INSIDE THE KITCHEN.

I DON'T WANNA BE
STUCK WITH THEM.

WHY DIDN'T YOU REMIND
ME THEY WAS COMIN'?

WELL, I DID YESTERDAY, TWICE.

WHILE YOU WAS READIN' THE PAPER

AND BOTH TIMES YOU SAID, "FINE."

AH, YOU KNOW I NEVER LISTEN
TO YOU WHEN I SAY "FINE."

AMELIA'S BAD ENOUGH,

BUT THAT BIG-MOUTHED
PLUMBER HUSBAND OF HERS...

HE'S ALWAYS SITTIN' IN MY CHAIR,

BLOWIN' OFF ABOUT ALL HIS MONEY.

OH, RUSSELL'S GOT A RIGHT TO.

AMELIA SAYS HE'S
DOIN' WONDERFUL.

HE JUST DID ALL THE PLUMBIN' FOR
A GREAT BIG CITY HOUSING PROJECT.

BIG DEAL. WHAT DOES THAT MAKE
HIM? PRINCE OF THE PUBLIC POTTIES?

I THINK YOU'RE GETTIN' A
LITTLE JEALOUS OF RUSSELL.

NO, I AIN'T JEALOUS.

LISTEN, ALL I GOT TO SAY

IS THAT RICH PEOPLE OUGHT TO
KEEP QUIET ABOUT THEIR MONEY.

IN FACT, I THINK THEY OUGHT
TO BE A LITTLE ASHAMED OF IT.

YOU KNOW, TAKE YOUR
NELSON D. ROCKEFELLER THERE.

HE WAS SO, WHAT YOU
CALL, MODEST ABOUT IT,

HE WOULDN'T EVEN TELL THE CONGRESS HOW MUCH
HE HAD. THEY HAD TO DRAG IT OUT OF HIM.

NOW, THAT'S WHAT YOU CALL CLASS.

OH, I DON'T THINK RUSSELL WILL
TALK ABOUT HIS MONEY TODAY.

THEY JUST GOT BACK FROM HAWAII.

HE'LL PROBABLY TALK
ABOUT HIS VACATION.

SURE, HE'LL TELL ME ALL
ABOUT HOW MUCH IT COSTS.

HE'LL BE GIVIN' ME THE FIGURES
INSIDE THE FIRST 30 SECONDS HE'S HERE.

YOU WAIT AND SEE. FINE.

OH, ARCHIE, I LIKE RUSSELL

AND HE'S SO GOOD TO AMELIA.

THEIR MARRIAGE
WAS MADE IN HEAVEN.

WHERE THE HELL WAS
OURS MADE? IN JAPAN?

MAYBE YOU'RE A LITTLE BIT
JEALOUS OF AMELIA, THERE, TOO, HUH?

OH, NO!

NOW, WELL, LISTEN, JUST
BECAUSE SOME GUY BUYS

FURS AND DIAMONDS FOR HIS WIFE,

THAT DON'T MAKE
HIM A GOOD HUSBAND.

I AM TALKIN' ABOUT

ALL THE LITTLE THINGS
HE DOES FOR HER.

NOBODY DOES LITTLER
THINGS THAN I DO FOR YOU.

OH, I KNOW, ARCHIE.

BUT AMELIA AND RUSSELL,
THEY'RE SO ROMANTIC.

I LOVE THE WAY HE CALLS HER
HONEY AND SWEETHEART AND THINGS.

OH, JEEZ, I CALL YOU THINGS.

BUT YOU AIN'T CALLED ME HONEY
OR SWEETHEART FOR YEARS.

OH, WELL, LET ME TELL
YOU, THERE'S AN OLD SAYIN',

"YOU DON'T KEEP RUNNIN'
AFTER YOU CATCH THE BUS."

[doorbell ringing]

OH, THERE THEY ARE.

AW, JEEZ. OH, ARCHIE,
TRY TO BE NICE.

OH, WHY DO I HAVE TO SEE
THESE TERRIBLE PEOPLE?

(both) ALOHA! ALOHA!

COME IN, PLEASE. COME ON.

AHH!

OH, ARCHIE! SAY ALOHA TO THEM.

YEAH, YEAH. HELLO, YEAH.

ALOHA, ARCHIE.

ALOHA. I WISH IT
WAS ARRIVADUCHE.

LET ME HAVE YOUR COATS.

LET ME HELP YOU, SWEETHEART.

OH! THANK YOU, DARLING.

[sputtering]

WE'RE DYIN' TO
HEAR ABOUT HAWAII.

IT MUST'VE BEEN FUN.

OH, IT WAS.

ARCH, WAIT TILL YOU HEAR
WHAT THAT TRIP COST ME.

$2,312.

28 SECONDS. YOU COME IN 2 UNDER.

THESE ARE FOR YOU
AND ARCHIE. OH, OH, OH.

OH, RIGHT FROM HAWAII.

OH, THANK YOU. WELL, SIT DOWN.

YEAH, WELL, SIT DOWN.
YEAH, JUST GO AHEAD. YEAH.

SIT DOWN, YEAH, BUT
NOT IN MY CHAIR, OH!

ARCH, IF YOU CAN EVER SCRAPE
ENOUGH DOUGH TOGETHER,

YOU GOT TO SEE THE ISLANDS.

WE HAD A SUITE AT
THE HAWAIIAN VILLAGE.

$80 A DAY. RIGHT ON THE BEACH.

FOR THAT KIND OF DOUGH, YOU
SHOULD'VE BEEN UP IN THE HOTEL.

OH, ARCHIE, YOU'LL NEVER CHANGE.

NO.

YOU TWO CERTAINLY HAVE CHANGED.

RUSSELL, YOU LOOK SO YOUNG

AND AMELIA, YOU'VE LOST WEIGHT.

15 POUNDS!

DOESN'T SHE LOOK TERRIFIC?
THAT'S MY LITTLE MISS AMERICA.

DOESN'T RUSSELL LOOK
WONDERFUL? OH, YEAH.

YEAH. JEEZ, HIS HAIR LOOKS
BETTER THAN HE DOES.

HEY, UH, WHAT DID YOU DO TO IT?

NO, I JUST LET IT GROW LONGER.

I THINK YOU BEEN LETTIN' IT GROW
A LITTLE DARKER, TOO, AIN'T YOU?

OH, SURE, I TOUCH
IT UP. I ADMIT IT.

YOU SEE, ARCH, I DO BUSINESS
WITH A LOT OF YOUNG EXECUTIVES.

SO I GOT TO KEEP IN SHAPE.

I JUST CAN'T AFFORD
TO LET MYSELF GO.

OR I AM LIABLE TO WIND
UP LOOKIN' LIKE YOU.

NOW, HONEY, STOP TEASING ARCHIE.

AH.

COME ON EVERYBODY,
OPEN YOUR PRESENTS.

(Archie) OH, YEAH. ALL RIGHT.

RUSSELL WANTED
TO SEND THEM OVER.

BUT I INSISTED ON BRINGING
THEM OVER IN PERSON.

RUSSELL'S WAY WAS BETTER.

OH, MY! ARCHIE! LOOK!

LOOKS LIKE GYPSY UNDERWEAR.

IT IS A MUMU.

OH, IT'S BEAUTIFUL! THANK YOU.

AND, UH, ARCHIE HAS
A HAWAIIAN SHIRT. OH!

BOY, THIS COULD BE THE
WALLPAPER IN A FAG BAR.

WELL, I JUST LOVE MY MUMU.

OH, MY!

I CAN'T GET OVER HOW
GOOD YOU BOTH LOOK.

WELL, THAT'S
BECAUSE I PLAY GOLF,

I GO TO THE GYM 3 TIMES A WEEK,

AND I WATCH MY DIET.

LOT OF FRIENDS TELL ME I
LOOK 10 YEARS YOUNGER.

JEEZ, HANG ON TO THEM
FRIENDS, THEY'RE HARD TO FIND.

OH, RUSSELL NEEDS
HIS RELAXATION.

HE'S COOPED UP IN HIS
OFFICE NIGHTS AND WEEKENDS.

I HARDLY EVER SEE HIM.

OH, WELL, DON'T FORGET, HONEY,

IT WAS THE SWEAT OF MY BROW THAT GOT
US OUT OF QUEENS AND UP TO WESTCHESTER.

I AM NOT COMPLAINING, HONEY.

AS LONG AS YOU
KEEP YOUR PROMISE.

TAKE ME TO EUROPE NEXT YEAR.

EUROPE!

OH, MY!

OH, I THINK IT'S WONDERFUL, THE WAY
YOU TWO DO EVERYTHING TOGETHER.

AH, YEAH. TOGETHER, TOGETHER.
WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, EDITH.

WHY DON'T YOU GET YOURSELF
TOGETHER AND MAKE SOME COFFEE

FOR EVERYBODY AND THEN
YOU AND RUSSELL AND AMELIA,

YOU HAVE THE COFFEE TOGETHER.

MEANTIME, I GOT TO RUN
DOWN TO KELCY'S BAR

AND HIM AND ME ARE GONNA
HAVE A BEER TOGETHER.

NO, WAIT, WAIT.

UMM, WHY DON'T YOU
GO WITH HIM, RUSSELL?

OH, ARCHIE. WAIT FOR RUSSELL.

(Amelia) GO AHEAD,
GO AHEAD, RUSSELL.

I, UH, I WANT TO HAVE A
LITTLE GAB WITH EDITH.

YOU KNOW, WOMAN TALK.

YOU'RE SURE YOU DON'T
MIND, SWEETHEART?

NO, HONEY, YOU
NEED A LITTLE FUN.

ISN'T SHE A DOLL?

YEAH.

OK. I'LL KEEP YOU COMPANY,
ARCH. BOY, AM I LUCKY.

COME ON OUT IN
THE KITCHEN, AMELIA.

OH, MY, I CAN'T GET OVER
HOW MUCH WEIGHT YOU'VE LOST.

EVERY TIME I... I START TO
LOSE A FEW POUNDS ONE PLACE,

THEY TURN UP SOMEPLACE ELSE.

BUT YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.

WELL!

JUST BETWEEN US GIRLS,

I HAD MY FACE LIFTED.

OH!

YEAH!

YOU DO LOOK A LITTLE HIGHER.

YEAH.

BUT WHAT D'YOU DO THAT FOR?

FOR RUSSELL.

OH, YOU DIDN'T HAVE
TO DO THAT FOR RUSSELL.

HE WAS HAPPY WITH YOU EVEN
WHEN YOUR FACE WAS DOWN.

YES, RUSSELL'S VERY HAPPY.

OH, YEAH! AND YOU
LOOK HAPPY, TOO.

THAT'S RIGHT.

AND YOU SHOULD BE.

YOU GOT A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE,
AND A WONDERFUL HUSBAND.

A PERFECT MARRIAGE.

YEAH, GOT EVERYTHING
A WOMAN COULD WANT.

AND... AND YOU TWO TAKE ALL OF
THEM ROMANTIC TRIPS TOGETHER.

YEAH.

I WILL TELL YOU SOMETHING
ELSE WE MAY DO TOGETHER.

WHAT?

GET A DIVORCE.

AMELIA, WHY WOULD YOU
WANNA GET A DIVORCE?

WHY, RUSSELL LOVES YOU.

HE'S ALWAYS CALLING YOU HONEY
AND SWEETHEART AND MISS AMERICA.

THAT'S JUST RUSSELL'S
WAY OF TALKING.

HE CALLS MY MOTHER MISS
AMERICA AND HE HATES HER.

EDITH, HE'S TIRED OF ME. I'VE
KNOWN THAT FOR A LONG TIME.

OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT.

HE'S HARDLY EVER HOME.

HE'S ALWAYS WORKING
LATE AT THE OFFICE.

EVEN WHEN HE
ISN'T AT THE OFFICE.

I'M LOSING HIM, EDITH.

AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

OH! WELL, YOU HAD
YOUR FACE LIFTED.

THAT'S SOMETHIN'.

YEAH, FOR ALL
THE GOOD IT DID ME,

I COULD'VE LEFT IT WHERE IT WAS.

YOUNG GIRLS, THAT'S ALL
THAT'S ON RUSSELL'S BRAIN.

HE'S CAUGHT THE
SEX FEVER, EDITH.

THE WHAT?

IT'S ALL AROUND US.

JUST LOOK AT ALL THE MOVIES,

AND THE MAGAZINES,
AND THE SEX BOOKS.

HOW TO? WHEN TO? WHY TO?

THEY MAKE YOU FEEL THERE'S A
PARTY GOING ON AND YOU'VE MISSED IT.

WELL, I... I DON'T THINK I'D
GO EVEN IF I WAS INVITED.

I'D HAVE THOUGHT THAT YOU'D BE
VERY HEAVY IN THE STOCK MARKET.

MY BROKER TOLD ME TO
GET OUT OF THE MARKET.

SO, I UNLOADED
ALL THE SECURITIES.

I DON'T IMAGINE YOU HAVE
ANY INVESTMENTS, ARCH.

OH, NO, RUSSELL.

ANYTHING I HAVE IS ALL
TIED UP IN STAYIN' ALIVE.

HOW YOU DOIN', KELCY?

HI, ARCH. HOW YOU DOIN'?

HEY, I WANT YOU TO MEET A
COUSIN-IN-LAW OF EDITH'S HERE.

THIS IS RUSSELL DE COOPER. HI.

THAT'S DEKUYPER.
OH, GEE, YEAH, YEAH.

YOU KNOW THAT NAME OF YOURS, THAT'S THE
ONE WORD I ALWAYS DISPRONOUNCE WRONG.

RUSSELL IS A BIG PLUMBER.

A PLUMBER?

PLUMBING CONTRACTOR.

HEY, LISTEN, WE GOT A
PROBLEM WITH THE JOHN.

IT FLUSHES, SEE, BUT YOU GOT
TO KEEP JIGGLIN' THE HANDLE.

MAYBE YOU'LL TAKE A LOOK AT IT.

I, UH, I DON'T DO
FIELD WORK ANYMORE.

THE JOHN AIN'T OUT IN THE FIELD.

IT'S RIGHT OVER THERE.

COME ON, THERE, WILL YOU,
KELCY? IT'S A DAY OF REST.

WHAT DO YOU WANT? THE MAN
DIVIN' INTO YOUR TOILET ON SUNDAY?

WELL, IT'S HERE. AW.

NO, IT'S OK, ARCH.
I'M USED TO IT.

IT'S LIKE BEIN' A DOCTOR.
EVERYBODY WANTS FREE ADVICE.

OH, YEAH.

UH, I'D LIKE TO BUY A ROUND
OF DRINKS FOR THE HOUSE.

WHO'S THE HOUSE?

I MEAN, UH, [popping]

LITTLE MISS AMERICA OVER THERE
AT THE TABLE. AND ONE FOR YOU, TOO.

AH, NO, NO. NONE FOR ME. THANKS.

I DON'T LIKE NO DRUNK
HANDLIN' MY CASH REGISTER.

WHAT'LL IT BE, GENTS?

A HARVEY WALLBANGER.

A WHAT?

THAT'S A SCREWDRIVER
WITH A SHOT OF GALLIANO.

IT'S A DRINK, STUPID. MAKE IT.

OK. GIVE ME A BEER.

BEER?

LOOK, IT'S ON ME.
LIVE IT UP A LITTLE.

THAT'S HOW I LIVE
IT UP. I HAVE A BEER.

BEER IS A POOR
MAN'S DRINK, ARCH.

YOU PLAN TO BE
POOR ALL YOUR LIFE?

RUSSELL, I DIDN'T PLAN
IT. I JUST LUCKED INTO IT.

YOU'LL NEVER CHANGE.

SAME OLD ARCH, SAME
OLD JOB, SAME OLD HOUSE.

OH, WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

I MIGHT MOVE INTO A BETTER
HOUSE, A BETTER NEIGHBORHOOD,

IF SOME, UH, RICH
RELATION BY MARRIAGE

WOULD KINDLY CROAK AND
REMEMBER ME IN HIS WILL.

THE SHAPE YOU ARE IN, ARCH, YOU'RE
GONNA NEED THAT RICH RELATION TO BURY YOU.

OH.

HERE WE GO, A HARVEY WALLBANGER.

THANKS. AND, UH, HERE FOR YOU.

KEEP 'EM COMIN' FOR
LITTLE MISS AMERICA THERE.

OK, SPORT.

WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?

YOU DON'T KNOW THAT
LITTLE GIRL OVER THERE.

NOT YET.

HEY, HEY, REMEMBER WHAT YOU GOT
WAITIN' FOR YOU BACK AT MY HOUSE.

A NICE WIFE, WITH 15
POUNDS OFF HER KEISTER.

OH, I'M NOT GONNA
DO ANYTHING NOW.

THIS IS STRICTLY FOR
A FUTURE REFERENCE.

YOU KNOW, SOMETHING
FOR A RAINY DAY.

THAT'S WHAT A WIFE
IS FOR, A RAINY DAY.

ACT YOUR AGE.

WELL, THERE'S NO
FUN IN THAT, ARCH.

I'D RATHER ACT HER AGE. AW.

NO, A GUY'S GOTTA KEEP LOOKIN'
FOR, YOU KNOW, GREENER PASTURES.

AFTER 25 YEARS, MARRIAGE IS LIKE

A BOX OF CRACKER JACKS
WITH NO SURPRISE IN IT.

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH
JUST THE CRACKER JACKS?

ARCH, I GOT ME A SECRETARY
YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE.

24 YEARS OLD AND
WILD, ARCH, WILD.

YOU KNOW WHAT SHE CALLS ME?

GRANDPA?

TIGER.

THAT'S WHAT I'M WHEN
I AM WITH HER. A TIGER.

WHEN AMELIA FINDS OUT,
SHE'LL CUT YOU DOWN TO TOMCAT.

MAYBE SHE'LL DIVORCE YOU?

SO? WHEN YOU GOT DOUGH,
ARCH, DIVORCE IS NO PROBLEM.

I MEAN, IT'S NOT
LIKE YOU AND EDITH.

YOU'RE STUCK WITH EACH OTHER.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHIN'.

I AIN'T LOOKIN' FOR
NO GREENER PASTURES

'CAUSE EDITH IS
GREEN ENOUGH FOR ME.

I LIKE BEIN' STUCK WITH HER.

OK, ARCH, TO EACH HIS OWN.

HEY, CASEY. (Archie
and Kelcy) KELCY.

OH, I'M SORRY.

UH, WHO'S THE LITTLE
DOLL AT THE TABLE?

OH, YOU MEAN GINGER?

GINGER, I LOVE THAT NAME.

SHE'S MY DAUGHTER-IN-LAW.

SHE'S WAITIN' FOR MY
SON TO PICK HER UP.

YOUR SON, THE DETECTIVE?

(Kelcy) YEAH.

IT WAS AWFUL NICE OF
YOU TO BUY HER THAT DRINK.

IT COMES TO $3.25
NOT INCLUDIN' THE TIP.

BACK TO THE ZOO, TIGER.

THE FUNNY PART IS

EVERYBODY IN THE FAMILY THINKS I'M
THE ONE THAT MADE THE GREAT MARRIAGE.

[laughing]

AMELIA, DID YOU EVER THINK

OF SITTIN' DOWN AND TALKIN'
IT ALL OVER WITH RUSSELL.

I WOULDN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

FRANKLY EDITH,

IT'S BEEN MONTHS

SINCE RUSSELL AND
I WERE TOGETHER.

YOU WAS TOGETHER IN HAWAII.

NO.

I MEAN, TOGETHER.

OH!

I'LL GET YOU SOME MORE COFFEE.

EDITH, HOW DO YOU DO IT?

I JUST USE A NEW FILTER.

OH, EDITH.

I DON'T MEAN THE COFFEE.

I MEAN, OF ALL THE PEOPLE I KNOW

YOU'RE PRACTICALLY THE ONLY
PERSON WHO HAS A HAPPY MARRIAGE.

ME AND ARCHIE?

[tittering] OH, MY, THANK YOU.

WHAT'S YOUR SECRET?

OH, I AIN'T GOT NO SECRET.

UH, WELL, ARCHIE AND
ME STILL HAS FIGHTS.

BUT WE DON'T LET
'EM GO ON TOO LONG.

SOMEBODY ALWAYS
SAYS, "I'M SORRY."

AND ARCHIE ALWAYS
SAYS, "THAT'S OK, EDITH."

AND THEN WE FORGET IT.

NO, EDITH. THAT'S
NOT WHAT I MEAN.

I MEAN, YOU MUST BE
DOING SOMETHING RIGHT

WHEN YOU GO TO BED AT NIGHT.

UH, WE GO TO SLEEP.

NO, NO, EDITH.
NOTHING... NOTHING MORE?

WELL, NOTHIN' MORE
THAN WE'VE BEEN DOIN'

SINCE THE MINISTER
SAID WE COULD.

BUT, EDITH, DO... DO YOU SEE PINWHEELS
AND SKYROCKETS AND FIREWORKS

LIKE THE 4TH OF JULY?

WITH ME AND ARCHIE

IT'S MORE LIKE THANKSGIVIN'.

(Archie) HEY, HEY. WE'RE BACK.

OH, THEY'RE BACK.

DID YOU SEE THE LOOK ON KELCY'S FACE
WHEN HE COULDN'T CHANGE MY $100 BILL?

DID YOU SEE THE LOOK ON MY
FACE WHEN I HAD TO PAY THE TAB?

DID YOU HAVE A
GOOD TIME AT KELCY'S?

YEAH, SWELL, SWELL.

WELL, I'LL GET YOU
BOTH SOME COFFEE.

NO, THANKS, EDITH.
WE GOT TO GET GOIN'.

THEY GOT TO GET GOIN'.
OH, BUT HONEY, IT'S ONLY 2:00.

SWEETIE, I'VE GOT SUCH A
LOAD OF WORK WAITING FOR ME.

YOU HAVE WORK AGAIN TONIGHT?

NOW, SWEETHEART, DON'T COMPLAIN.

REMEMBER, IT'S ME WORKING LIKE
A BEAVER THAT KEEPS YOU IN MINK.

NOW SAY GOODBYE, HONEY.

I DON'T WANNA HIT THAT TRAFFIC.

BYE, ARCHIE. EDITH.
(Archie) YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

GOODBYE, KIDS.
(Amelia) KEEP IN TOUCH.

(Russell) TAKE CARE OF
YOURSELVES. OH, I WILL.

BYE. (Archie) GOODBYE.

GOODBYE.

WELL, THANK YOU VERY
MUCH, EDITH BUNKER.

YOU JUST RUINED
ANOTHER HALF A SUNDAY.

DID YOU AND RUSSELL
HAVE A NICE TALK?

YEAH, I TOLD YOU. SWELL, SWELL.

WHAT DID YOU TALK ABOUT?

OH, UH, TALKED ABOUT THE KNICKS.

AND, UH, WHAT THE METS MIGHT BE DOIN'
NEXT SEASON. YOU KNOW, MAN TALK AND THAT.

WHAT DID AMELIA HAVE
TO SAY FOR HERSELF?

OH, NOTHIN'.

OH, YOU KNOW, WOMAN TALK.

COOKIN' AND SO, AND...
AND THE 4TH OF JULY.

ARE WE GONNA SEE THEM
AGAIN ON THE 4TH OF JULY?

OH, NO, NO, ARCHIE.

OH, JEEZ. YOU'RE GONNA
GIVE ME HEART FAILURE.

ONCE A YEAR IS ENOUGH
TO SEE THEM PEOPLE.

[sighing]

(male announcer) ALL IN THE
FAMILY WAS RECORDED ON TAPE

BEFORE A LIVE AUDIENCE.