All in the Family (1971–1979): Season 5, Episode 17 - The Jeffersons Move on Up - full transcript
The pilot episode for "The Jeffersons," where George and Louise move to "a deluxe apartment in the sky."
♪ BOY, THE WAY
GLENN MILLER PLAYED ♪
♪ SONGS THAT MADE
THE HIT PARADE ♪
♪ GUYS LIKE US, WE HAD IT MADE ♪
♪ THOSE WERE THE DAYS ♪
♪ AND YOU KNEW
WHERE YOU WERE THEN ♪
♪ GIRLS WERE GIRLS
AND MEN WERE MEN ♪
(both) ♪ MISTER, WE
COULD USE A MAN ♪
♪ LIKE HERBERT HOOVER AGAIN ♪
♪ DIDN'T NEED NO
WELFARE STATES ♪
♪ EVERYBODY PULLED HIS WEIGHT ♪
(both) ♪ GEE, OUR OLD
LASALLE RAN GREAT ♪
♪ THOSE WERE ♪
♪ THE DAYS ♪
[knock on door]
HI, LOUISE.
OH, HI, EDITH.
I JUST CAME OVER
TO SAY GOOD-BYE.
OH, THAT'S SO
SWEET OF YOU, EDITH.
YOU KNOW THIS IS THE
4th TIME THIS MORNING.
OH, YEAH. I KNOW.
I GUESS IT'S GOT
SOMETHING TO DO WITH...
I HATE TO SEE YOU GO.
I'M GONNA MISS YOU, EDITH.
I THINK I'M EVEN
GONNA MISS ARCHIE.
YOU KNOW, I THINK ARCHIE
IS GONNA MISS GEORGE, TOO.
HE WILL?
OH, YEAH.
I DIDN'T THINK ARCHIE WOULD WANNA
GIVE LAST NIGHT'S FAREWELL PARTY.
BUT WHEN I ASKED HIM,
HE SAID, "SURE, I'D
LOVE TO SAY GOOD-BYE
TO GEORGE JEFFERSON."
ISN'T THAT INTERESTING?
GEORGE SAID THE SAME
THING ABOUT ARCHIE.
LOUISE, I JUS... OH,
HI, AGAIN, EDITH.
OH, HI.
HAVEN'T YOU
FINISHED PACKING YET?
I'D BE FINISHED A LOT
QUICKER, IF YOU'D HELP ME.
WHY? YOU'RE THE ONE THAT'S
GONNA BE DOIN' THE UNPACKIN'.
NOW IF I WAS TO DO THE PACKIN',
YOU WOULDN'T KNOW
WHERE ANYTHING WAS.
SO, ACTUALLY, I AM HELPING
YOU BY NOT HELPING.
OH, WELL, MAYBE I'M IN THE WAY.
I'LL COME BACK LATER
AND SAY GOOD-BYE.
OH, GOOD-BYE.
GOOD-BYE. GOOD-BYE.
UH, GEORGE, I'VE BEEN THINKING,
MAYBE WE'RE NOT DOIN'
THE RIGHT THING BY MOVING.
YOU KNOW SOMETHING LOUISE?
I'VE BEEN DOIN' A
LOT OF THINKIN', TOO.
YOU HAVE? MMM-HMM.
AND I'VE BEEN
THINKIN', "WHY THE HELL
DON'T YOU LEAVE THE
THINKIN' UP TO ME?"
BECAUSE AT YOUR AGE IT'S TOO
LATE TO START SOMETHING NEW.
WATCH IT.
GEORGE, MOVING TO
EAST SIDE MANHATTAN,
WITH ALL THOSE FANCY FOLKS.
MONEY IS WHAT MAKES THEM FANCY.
NOW, WE'RE GONNA
BE FANCY, TOO. LOOK.
TOMORROW I'M OPENIN'
MY 3rd CLEANING STORE
AND THERE'LL BE
A 4th, 5th AND 6th.
WE'RE ON OUR WAY UP. WHAT
ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT?
I'M AFRAID OF GOING
WHERE I DON'T BELONG.
LOOK, WHEN YOU GOT THE
MONEY, BABY, YOU BELONG.
GEORGE, WE ARE JUST PLAIN FOLKS.
NO. NOT ANYMORE.
SEE, WE WAS PLAIN
FOLKS $47,000.50 AGO.
BUT, GEORGE, EAST
SIDE MANHATTAN?
THOSE ARE NOT MY KIND OF PEOPLE.
SO, IF YOU GET LONELY, WE'LL
BUS IN SOME OF YOUR FRIENDS.
EXCEPT FOR HONKY NEXT DOOR.
WHY IS IT MY WHITE
FRIENDS ARE "HONKY"
AND YOUR WHITE
FRIENDS ARE "MISTER"?
WHAT WHITE FRIENDS?
THOSE GUYS YOU'VE BEEN
TAKING TO LUNCH ALL WEEK.
IF THEY ARE BLACK,
I AM DORIS DAY.
LOOK, THOSE GUYS WORK AT
WHITTENDALE NATIONAL BANK
AND BANKERS AIN'T
NOBODY'S FRIENDS.
LOOK, I WANT THEM TO GET ME IN
TO SEE OLD MAN
WHITTENDALE HIMSELF.
SO I CAN HIT ON HIM
FOR MY BUSINESS LOAN.
I DON'T GET IT.
IF WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE SO RICH,
WHY DO WE NEED TO BORROW MONEY?
BECAUSE THAT'S THE
WAY RICH PEOPLE OPERATE.
LOOK, BANKS DON'T MAKE LOANS
TO PEOPLE WHO NEED MONEY.
THAT'S WHAT PAWN SHOPS ARE FOR.
LOUISE, I BOUGHT YOU
SOME FRUIT FOR YOUR TRIP.
WE'RE ONLY GOING TO MANHATTAN.
WELL, SUBWAYS BREAK
DOWN SOMETIMES.
WELL, EDITH,
I GUESS THIS IS REALLY GOOD-BYE.
I KNOW.
WELL, I'LL JUST SAY, SO LONG.
SO LONG, EDITH.
LOUISE.
DID I EVER TELL YOU
I LOVE YOU?
EVERY MINUTE WE'VE
SPENT TOGETHER.
[sighing]
YOU'D BETTER GO NOW.
BEFORE THE BOTH
OF US GET AWFUL WET.
BYE, LOUISE.
I MEAN, SO LONG.
WHAT SEEMS TO BE
THE HOLDUP IN HERE?
YOU STILL HAVEN'T
FINISHED PACKIN' YET?
UH, JUST ONE MORE THING.
YOUR COFFEE MUG.
I WON'T BE DRINKIN'
OUT OF MUGS NO MORE.
[mug shattering]
FROM NOW ON, IT'S CUPS
AND SAUCERS ALL THE WAY.
COME ON, LOUISE. THE
LIMOUSINE'S WAITING.
LIMOUSINE?
HAVE YOU GONE CRAZY?
WHAT DO WE NEED A LIMOUSINE FOR?
BECAUSE WE'RE GONNA
LEAVE BUNKERSVILLE IN STYLE.
COME ON, WEEZY.
THINGS ARE LOOKING
GOOD FOR US. LOOK,
YOU DESERVE THE BEST.
AND THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT YOU'RE GOIN' TO GET.
THE BEST.
OK?
HERE.
OH, LIONEL, I LOVE WHAT YOUR FOLKS
HAVE DONE WITH THEIR APARTMENT.
YOU LIKE THE
FURNITURE, HUH? OH, YES.
AND YOU'RE HAPPY WITH THE VIEW?
YEAH.
SO THEN WE'RE ALL THROUGH
WITH THE APARTMENT?
YEAH. GOOD, LET'S FOOL AROUND.
OH!
[clearing throat]
UH-OH, VICE SQUAD.
[Jenny chuckling] HELLO, JENNY.
HI, MRS. JEFFERSON.
RIGHT IN HERE.
WHERE SHALL I PUT THESE?
IN THE KITCHEN.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. JUST PUT THEM
DOWN, I'LL TAKE CARE OF THEM LATER.
LET HIM HANDLE IT,
LOUISE. I'M TIPPING HIM
FOR THE FULL TRIP. IN
THE KITCHEN, PLEASE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' HERE?
I THOUGHT YOU HAD SCHOOL.
OH, WELL, I WAS JUST
SHOWIN' JENNY AROUND.
UH-HUH. WELL, LOOK. I
FOUND THE APARTMENT,
I'LL CONDUCT THE TOURS, OK?
HERE YOU GO.
SEE. YOU DO RIGHT BY
ME, I'LL DO RIGHT BY YOU.
OH, I'LL DO ALL RIGHT
BY YOU, ALL RIGHT.
YES, SIR. SIR.
DID YOU HEAR THAT?
YES, SIR! HA, HA! HEY.
THERE'S PLENTY MORE
WHERE THAT CAME FROM.
I OWN THE NEW CLEANING
STORE DOWNSTAIRS.
(doorman) YES, SIR,
SIR. CERTAINLY, SIR.
ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY.
STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE.
LOUISE,
REMEMBER THE HARD TIMES WE
HAD WHEN WE FIRST GOT MARRIED,
LIVIN' AT 126TH AND LENOX,
AND THERE WERE 4 FAMILIES
SHARING ONE JOHN? REMEMBER?
I SURE DO.
WELL, EVERYBODY. NOW, HEAR THIS.
[toilet flushing]
ONE.
[toilet flushing]
(George) 2 AND 3.
HIS' AND HERS'.
[toilet flushing]
HOW ABOUT THAT? 4
JOHNS. NO WAITING.
LIONEL, LET'S FACE IT.
YOUR MOTHER MARRIED A 4-FLUSHER.
COME ON, JENNY, LET
ME SHOW YOU AROUND.
FIRST WE'LL STOP AT THE
COMMODIOUS SLEEPING QUARTERS.
YOU THINK POP WILL EVER GET
AROUND TO LIKING JENNY'S PARENTS?
OH, SURE, HE WILL.
THE DAY HER WHITE
FATHER TURNS BLACK.
AND THIS HERE IS
THE LIVING AREA,
WHERE WE DOES OUR LIVING.
AND HERE WE HAVE THE DINING AREA
WHERE WE DOES OUR DINING.
AND THROUGH THIS DOOR
IS THE KITCHEN AREA...
WHERE WE DOES OUR KITCHENING.
OH, YEAH, JENNY, LET ME
SHOW YOU THE TERRACE.
WE KEEP IT HANGIN'
RIGHT OUTSIDE. OH.
YEAH, YOU GONNA
LOVE IT HERE, LOUISEY.
I LOVE IT THERE.
WITH ALL THOSE NOSEY
NEIGHBORS? NOW, SEE,
HERE YOUR NEIGHBORS
KNOW HOW TO ACT.
LIKE PERFECT STRANGERS, YOU SEE.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO
SAY HELLO TO NOBODY.
AND NOBODY SAYS HELLO TO YOU.
RIGHT. NO PUSHY NEIGHBORS RINGIN'
THE DOORBELL EVERY 5 MINUTES.
[doorbell ringing]
GEORGE, DO YOU
HEAR THE DOORBELL,
OR DO WE LIVE NEXT
DOOR TO A CHURCH?
THAT'S NOT NICE.
COMING.
HELLO.
I'M YOUR NEXT-DOOR
NEIGHBOR, ACTUALLY.
LOUISE, IT'S MR. ACTUALLY.
THAT'S JOLLY GOOD.
NO, I'M HARRY BENTLEY.
HI. WE'RE THE JEFFERSONS.
COME IN, MR. BENTLEY.
HOW DO YOU DO?
A LOVELY APARTMENT, THIS.
GEORGE, MOVE.
LET ME GUESS,
MR. JEFFERSON, YOU MUST BE
10 STONE.
DID HE SAY I WAS STONED?
I DON'T THINK SO.
I... I AM SORRY. I KEEP
FORGETTING TO SPEAK AMERICAN.
THAT'S IT. YOU'RE
ENGLISH, AREN'T YOU?
YES, I'M AFRAID SO.
ACTUALLY, I WAS TRYING
TO GUESS YOUR WEIGHT.
10 STONE IS 140 POUNDS.
WELL, I WEIGH 145.
SMASHING. IT COULDN'T BE BETTER.
DO ME A LITTLE FAVOR, WILL YOU?
WHAT KIND OF FAVOR?
TAKE A LITTLE WALK DOWN THE
SMALL OF MY BACK, WOULD YOU?
SAY WHAT?
AND, UH, PLEASE, UH, TAKE
YOUR SHOES OFF FIRST.
THERE'S A GOOD FELLOW.
WELL, YOU WANTED TO MOVE UP
TO THE EAST SIDE. TAKE A WALK.
THAT'S IT. YEAH. OH, YES.
NOW, THAT'S IT.
DO YOU HEAR THAT?
OH, THAT'S HEAVEN.
ANY PARTICULAR REASON
WHY WE'RE DOIN' THIS?
IT'S THE ONLY THING THAT
SEEMS TO HELP MY BACK.
[chuckling] OH, MARVELOUS.
IT'S WORKING, IT'S WORKING.
IT WORKED.
THANK YOU, MR. JEFFERSON.
YOU HAVE KIND FEET.
WELL, ANYTHING I CAN DO
FOR YOU, DON'T HESITATE TO
RING MY BELL.
BYE-BYE.
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?
GEORGE, I BELIEVE YOU WERE
RIGHT ABOUT THIS PLACE AFTER ALL.
IMAGINE, AN ENGLISH NEIGHBOR.
GOOD GOD. YOU'RE BLACK.
SOMETHIN' WRONG WITH THAT?
OH, NO, NO. I JUST
DIDN'T NOTICE BEFORE.
WELL, JAMBO!
DID YOU SAY SAMBO?
JAMBO, IT'S SWAHILI.
ACTUALLY, IT MEANS HELLO,
I NEVER CAN REMEMBER
THE WORD FOR GOOD-BYE.
LOUISE,
FIND OUT THE WORD
FOR GOOD-BYE IN SWAHILI.
THE NEXT TIME
HE OR ANYBODY ELSE
RINGS THAT DOORBELL, USE IT.
[Jenny laughing] OH, LIONEL.
AND WHILE YOU'RE AT
IT, TEACH IT TO LIONEL.
SO HE CAN USE IT ON HIS
GIRLFRIEND AND HER PARENTS,
MR. DAY AND MRS. NIGHT.
GEORGE, THE WILLIS'
ARE FINE PEOPLE.
NOW, JUST BECAUSE HE
HAPPENED TO BE WHITE...
IT AIN'T JUST THAT. I WOULDN'T
LIKE HIM EVEN IF HE WAS BLACK.
WHICH I'M GLAD HE AIN'T,
SINCE I DON'T LIKE HIM.
WHY?
'CAUSE HE'S TOO FRIENDLY.
HE'S ONE OF 'EM,
TOUCHY-FEELY GUYS.
LIKE A GREAT BIG,
WHITE POLAR BEAR
ALWAYS GRABBIN',
HUGGIN' AND SQUEEZIN'.
WELL, I THINK THE
WILLIS' ARE WARM,
LOVELY PEOPLE, AND I LIKE THEM.
THEN DO IT LONG DISTANCE,
'CAUSE I DON'T
WANT THEM IN HERE.
HEY, UH, MR. JEFFERSON.
THANKS A LOT FOR
SHOWING ME THIS APARTMENT.
AND I GOTTA BE GOIN'.
OH, WHAT A SHAME.
[doorbell ringing]
UH, LOUISE, IF THAT'S
MR. SWAHILI AGAIN,
YOU WALK ON HIS BACK THIS TIME.
I KNOW HE WON'T
BE READY FOR THAT.
HERE THEY ARE, TOM. I
TOLD YOU THEY'D ARRIVED.
SURPRISE, EVERYBODY!
LOUISE.
UH, LOOK, GEORGE. THE WILLIS'.
WHAT'RE YOU 2 DOIN'
IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD?
WE LIVE HERE. YEAH.
LIVE WHERE?
RIGHT UPSTAIRS. 20TH FLOOR.
SAY WHAT?
I SAID, WE'RE GOING
TO BE NEIGHBORS.
HI, NEIGHBOR.
HERE IT COMES.
TOUCHY-FEELY,
TOUCHY-FEELY, TOUCHY-FEELY.
IMAGINE, ALL OF US
LIVING IN THE SAME BUILDING.
ISN'T IT A SMALL WORLD?
TOO SMALL. LIONEL, I WANT TO
SPEAK TO YOU IN THE KITCHEN. NOW.
EXCUSE ME. I THINK
SOMETHING'S BOILIN' OVER.
MAYBE I SQUEEZED
HIM TOO HARD, HUH?
NOT HARD ENOUGH, TOM.
HE'S STILL BREATHING.
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL
ME THEY'RE LIVIN' HERE?
WHY DIDN'T YOU ASK ME?
YOU MEAN TO TELL
ME I GOTTA ASK YOU
IF THE SKY IS FALLIN'
BEFORE YOU TELL ME.
GEORGE, YOU KEEP YOUR VOICE
DOWN. WE HAVE GOT GUESTS.
NO, WE DON'T. WE
GOT TRESPASSERS.
DID YOU HEAR THAT, TOM? MOM.
COME ON, GIVE
MR. JEFFERSON A CHANCE.
WELL, AFTER ALL, YOU DID
COME HERE WITHOUT WARNING.
HE JUST WASN'T PREPARED.
HIS MOUTH WAS.
I'VE NEVER SEEN SUCH
A PREPARED MOUTH.
NOW, HELEN, YOU'VE GOT
TO BE MORE TOLERANT.
JUST SAY TO YOURSELF,
"THE MAN'S AN IDIOT
AND WE HAVE TO MAKE ALLOWANCES."
GEORGE, COME BACK HERE!
NOW, LOOK.
WE CAME DOWN HERE IN
THE SPIRIT OF FRIENDSHIP.
THEN THAT'S A GOOD
WAY FOR YOU TO LEAVE.
IN THE SPIRIT OF FRIENDSHIP.
NOW, LOOK HERE, SHORTY.
WHO YOU CALLIN' SHORTY?
SHE DON'T MEAN ME.
I'M WARNING YOU, LOUISE,
THERE'S ONLY ONE
SIDE MY WIFE CAN BE ON.
THAT'S EITHER MY
SIDE OR OUTSIDE.
WHY CAN'T WE ALL
BE ON THE SAME SIDE?
(Jenny) RIGHT. YEAH,
THAT'S RIGHT, POP.
'CAUSE THEY'RE ALL
GONNA BE YOUR IN-LAWS,
SO WHY DON'T YOU
TRY GETTIN' ALONG?
OK, SON.
YOU REALLY WANNA GET ALONG?
YOU BET.
OK.
WELL, I TRIED IT
AND I DON'T LIKE IT.
SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST
MOVE OUT OF THE BUILDING?
WHAT?
SURE, IT'S ONLY FAIR.
DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TROUBLE
I HAD GETTING INTO THIS BUILDING?
THE ONLY REASON I GOT IN HERE
WAS BECAUSE I HAD ENOUGH
GREEN TO COVER MY BLACK.
NOW, SEE, YOU'RE WHITE. YOU
CAN GET IN ANY PLACE YOU WANT.
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS HIDE
YOUR WIFE IN A WOODPILE
UNTIL THE LEASE IS SIGNED.
WELL, HERE'S A MESSAGE
FROM THE WOODPILE.
IF ANYBODY'S MOVING,
IT'S YOU, SHORTY.
OK.
IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU WANT
IT, THAT'S THE WAY IT'S GONNA BE.
WE ARE MOVING.
GEORGE, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
WHERE YOU CAN'T FOLLOW.
GEORGE, COME OUT OF THERE.
(George) I AIN'T COMIN'
OUT TILL THEY LEAVE.
COME ON, LET'S GO. BUT...
WE'LL SEE OURSELVES OUT.
DON'T BOTHER TO GET UP.
LIONEL, YOU BETTER
GO TO YOUR ROOM.
I DON'T WANT YOU TO
GET HIT BY YOUR FATHER.
WHY'S HE GONNA HIT ME?
BECAUSE I'M NOT SURE
WHERE I'M GONNA THROW HIM.
ALL RIGHT, GEORGE. THEY'VE GONE.
YOU KNOW, I'VE SEEN
YOU ACT DUMB BEFORE.
BUT NOW I'M CONVINCED
YOU WASN'T ACTING.
WHATEVER YOU SAY, LOUISE.
WHATEVER YOU SAY.
HUH?
I'M A BEATEN MAN, LOUISE.
YOU WANNA KICK A MAN
WHEN HE'S DOWN, GO AHEAD.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
IT'S ALL OVER.
ALL MY PLANS, ALL MY DREAMS,
ALL THAT DOUGH, DOWN THE DRAIN.
OH, COME OFF IT, POP.
AND TO THINK MY OWN
FAMILY DID IT TO ME.
SEE, THAT'S WHAT HURTS SO BAD.
IT'S NOT JUST THE IDEA OF
THOSE PEOPLE LIVING UPSTAIRS,
IT'S THAT NOBODY EVER TOLD ME.
IF YOU'D STUCK A
KNIFE IN MY BACK,
YOU COULDN'T HAVE HURT ME MORE.
OH, GEORGE.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, JEZEBEL.
WHAT IS HE TALKING ABOUT?
LET ME TRY TALKIN' TO HIM, MA.
[Lionel sighing]
POP.
WHAT IS IT, JEZEBEL JR.?
LOOK, POP, I'M TRYIN' TO TALK
TO YOU. WILL YOU LOOK AT ME?
I SMELL GAS. ONE OF THEM
PILOT LIGHTS MUST BE OUT.
HEY, LOOK, MOM DIDN'T KNOW
ANYTHING ABOUT THE WILLIS' MOVIN' IN.
IT WAS ALL MY DOIN', ALL RIGHT.
WELL, WE JUST HAVE TO UNDO
YOUR DOIN' AND MOVE OUT OF HERE.
HEY, POP, IF YOU'RE
TRYING TO BREAK UP
JENNY AND ME, IT'S
NOT GONNA WORK.
AND IT'S SILLY TO MOVE OUT
BECAUSE THIS
BUILDING IS BIG ENOUGH.
YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO SEE
THE WILLIS' IF YOU DON'T WANT TO.
I'LL KNOW THEY'RE
THERE. I'LL FEEL 'EM.
IT'S JUST LIKE THE PRINCESS
THAT STEPPED ON THE PEA.
LIONEL, YOU'VE DONE ME IN.
I GIVE UP.
IS HE ALL RIGHT? WHAT
HAPPENED IN THERE?
NOTHIN'. I COULDN'T
GET THROUGH TO HIM.
I'VE NEVER SEEN
POP SO LOW BEFORE.
OH, LOOK, I'M GOING TO GO UPSTAIRS
AND APOLOGIZE TO THE WILLIS'.
[doorbell ringing]
OH, HI, GRANDMA.
HELLO.
MOTHER JEFFERSON,
WHAT A NICE SURPRISE.
HELLO, LOUISE.
I WAS PASSING BY AND
THOUGHT I'D DROP IN.
WELL, I'M SO GLAD YOU DID.
I FIGURED THIS WOULD BE QUICKER
THAN WAITING FOR AN INVITATION.
WELL, UH, HOW DO YOU
LIKE OUR NEW APARTMENT?
OH, IT'S LOVELY.
JUST BEAUTIFUL.
GEORGE HAS SUCH GOOD TASTE.
IN MOST THINGS.
GEORGE, YOUR MOTHER IS HERE.
GEORGE.
I'LL GET HIM.
GEORGE... [screams]
GEORGE!
(Louise) OH, MY GOD!
GEORGE, I BEG OF YOU,
DON'T TAKE YOUR LIFE!
AIN'T NOBODY
TAKIN' NOBODY'S LIFE.
I GOT BUSINESS IN THERE.
THE PILOT LIGHT IS OUT.
I THOUGHT YOU WAS
TRYING TO KILL YOURSELF.
WHAT FOR? I GOT A FAMILY
THAT'S ALREADY DOIN' THAT.
WELL, YOU BETTER PULL
YOURSELF TOGETHER, GEORGE.
YOU'VE GOT A VISITOR.
WELL, TELL HIM TO GO TO HELL.
WHATEVER YOU SAY,
GEORGE. IT'S YOUR MOTHER.
OH, SON, YOU HAVE SUCH
A LOVELY APARTMENT.
YEAH, WELL, GET A GOOD LAST LOOK
AT IT, MAMA, 'CAUSE WE'RE MOVIN' OUT.
BUT WE'VE GOT A 3-YEAR LEASE.
THAT AIN'T NOTHIN'.
I'M GONNA CALL THE REAL
ESTATE AGENT RIGHT NOW.
I KNOW WE'LL HAVE NO TROUBLE
SUBLETTIN' THIS APARTMENT.
MAYBE EVEN MAKE A
FEW BUCKS ON THE DEAL.
HELLO, AGAIN.
I WAS DOWNSTAIRS IN THE DELI
WHEN IT SUDDENLY OCCURRED TO ME
THAT YOU MIGHT NOT HAVE ANY
FOOD IN YET. HOW DO YOU DO?
SO I BROUGHT YOU SOME BANGERS.
BANGERS?
YES. UH, ENGLISH SAUSAGES.
WELL, WHY DO THEY
CALL THEM BANGERS?
I REALLY DON'T KNOW.
SOMETHING TO DO WITH
THE AFTER EFFECTS, I THINK.
AH! THE FUNNIEST THING
JUST HAPPENED TO ME.
I GOT ON THE ELEVATOR WITH
MR. AND MRS. WHITTENDALE,
AND I FORGOT TO PUSH
THE BUTTON FOR MY FLOOR.
WHITTENDALE?
YES, HENRY AND
JANET WHITTENDALE.
THEY LIVE IN THE PENTHOUSE, WHICH
IS THE POINT OF THE STORY, YOU SEE.
THERE I AM... HENRY
L. WHITTENDALE?
YES, HE'S A CHARMING FELLOW.
SO, AS WE'RE TRAVELING
UPWARD, YOU SEE...
WHITTENDALE-BANK WHITTENDALE?
RIGHT. UH, HE'S VERY
EASY TO TALK TO.
SO JUST AS WE'RE
PASSING MY FLOOR...
[laughing]
BOY, THAT WAS A GREAT STORY.
DID I FINISH IT?
SURE, YOU DID.
IT WAS A GREAT STORY. YOU
HEARD HOW HARD I WAS LAUGHIN'.
BOY, YOU'RE REALLY HILARIOUS.
I NEVER LAUGHED SO
HARD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
THANK YOU. YOU'RE WELCOME.
LOOK, ANYTIME YOU WANT YOUR BACK
WALKED ON, JUST BRING IT ON OVER.
YOU KNOW...
WELL, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING
FOR, LOUISE? START UNPACKING.
BUT YOU SAID YOU'D
NEVER LIVE HERE.
DIDN'T YOU HEAR WHAT HE SAID?
WHITTENDALE LIVES
IN THE PENTHOUSE.
WHO? WHITTENDALE.
THE OWNER OF THE
BANK I DO BUSINESS WITH.
SO?
SO, WHITTENDALE RIDES THE
ELEVATOR. I RIDE THE ELEVATOR.
SOME OF THE BIGGEST DEALS
ARE MADE IN ELEVATORS.
THIS IS MY BIG CHANCE TO GET
TO KNOW THE PEOPLE UPSTAIRS.
[doorbell ringing]
DOORBELL, DEAR.
MAY WE COME IN?
UH. OH, OF COURSE, YOU MAY.
UH-UH-UH, NOW, BEFORE YOU
LOCK YOURSELF IN THE JOHN AGAIN,
WE JUST CAME DOWN TO SAY WE
THINK YOU'RE WRONG ABOUT MOVING.
BUT FOR THE SAKE OF THE KIDS,
AT LEAST, LET'S PART FRIENDS.
OH, BUT WE'RE NOT MOVING.
YOU'RE NOT?
NO. AS A MATTER OF FACT,
GEORGE INSISTED THAT WE STAY.
HE SAID, IT WAS HIS BIG CHANCE
TO GET TO KNOW
THE PEOPLE UPSTAIRS.
ISN'T THAT RIGHT, GEORGE?
THAT'S GREAT.
THIS WAS SUPPOSED
TO BE A FAREWELL GIFT,
BUT NOW IT WORKS
OUT EVEN BETTER.
HERE. WHAT'S THIS FOR?
IT'S FOR DRINKING
A LITTLE TOAST.
UNLESS YOU'VE GOT A BATTLESHIP
AROUND HERE YOU'D LIKE TO LAUNCH.
YES, AS A MATTER OF
FACT, MY MOTHER-IN-LAW.
AH, COME ON NOW, LET'S SEE A
SMILE ON THAT OLD KISSER, HUH?
NOW, COME ON, COME ON.
OH, HERE IT COMES, FOLKS.
OH, WE'RE GONNA BE SEEING A
LOT OF EACH OTHER FROM NOW ON.
TOUCHY-FEELY, TOUCHY-FEELY.
[all laughing]
(male announcer) ALL IN THE
FAMILY WAS RECORDED ON TAPE
BEFORE A LIVE AUDIENCE.
GLENN MILLER PLAYED ♪
♪ SONGS THAT MADE
THE HIT PARADE ♪
♪ GUYS LIKE US, WE HAD IT MADE ♪
♪ THOSE WERE THE DAYS ♪
♪ AND YOU KNEW
WHERE YOU WERE THEN ♪
♪ GIRLS WERE GIRLS
AND MEN WERE MEN ♪
(both) ♪ MISTER, WE
COULD USE A MAN ♪
♪ LIKE HERBERT HOOVER AGAIN ♪
♪ DIDN'T NEED NO
WELFARE STATES ♪
♪ EVERYBODY PULLED HIS WEIGHT ♪
(both) ♪ GEE, OUR OLD
LASALLE RAN GREAT ♪
♪ THOSE WERE ♪
♪ THE DAYS ♪
[knock on door]
HI, LOUISE.
OH, HI, EDITH.
I JUST CAME OVER
TO SAY GOOD-BYE.
OH, THAT'S SO
SWEET OF YOU, EDITH.
YOU KNOW THIS IS THE
4th TIME THIS MORNING.
OH, YEAH. I KNOW.
I GUESS IT'S GOT
SOMETHING TO DO WITH...
I HATE TO SEE YOU GO.
I'M GONNA MISS YOU, EDITH.
I THINK I'M EVEN
GONNA MISS ARCHIE.
YOU KNOW, I THINK ARCHIE
IS GONNA MISS GEORGE, TOO.
HE WILL?
OH, YEAH.
I DIDN'T THINK ARCHIE WOULD WANNA
GIVE LAST NIGHT'S FAREWELL PARTY.
BUT WHEN I ASKED HIM,
HE SAID, "SURE, I'D
LOVE TO SAY GOOD-BYE
TO GEORGE JEFFERSON."
ISN'T THAT INTERESTING?
GEORGE SAID THE SAME
THING ABOUT ARCHIE.
LOUISE, I JUS... OH,
HI, AGAIN, EDITH.
OH, HI.
HAVEN'T YOU
FINISHED PACKING YET?
I'D BE FINISHED A LOT
QUICKER, IF YOU'D HELP ME.
WHY? YOU'RE THE ONE THAT'S
GONNA BE DOIN' THE UNPACKIN'.
NOW IF I WAS TO DO THE PACKIN',
YOU WOULDN'T KNOW
WHERE ANYTHING WAS.
SO, ACTUALLY, I AM HELPING
YOU BY NOT HELPING.
OH, WELL, MAYBE I'M IN THE WAY.
I'LL COME BACK LATER
AND SAY GOOD-BYE.
OH, GOOD-BYE.
GOOD-BYE. GOOD-BYE.
UH, GEORGE, I'VE BEEN THINKING,
MAYBE WE'RE NOT DOIN'
THE RIGHT THING BY MOVING.
YOU KNOW SOMETHING LOUISE?
I'VE BEEN DOIN' A
LOT OF THINKIN', TOO.
YOU HAVE? MMM-HMM.
AND I'VE BEEN
THINKIN', "WHY THE HELL
DON'T YOU LEAVE THE
THINKIN' UP TO ME?"
BECAUSE AT YOUR AGE IT'S TOO
LATE TO START SOMETHING NEW.
WATCH IT.
GEORGE, MOVING TO
EAST SIDE MANHATTAN,
WITH ALL THOSE FANCY FOLKS.
MONEY IS WHAT MAKES THEM FANCY.
NOW, WE'RE GONNA
BE FANCY, TOO. LOOK.
TOMORROW I'M OPENIN'
MY 3rd CLEANING STORE
AND THERE'LL BE
A 4th, 5th AND 6th.
WE'RE ON OUR WAY UP. WHAT
ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT?
I'M AFRAID OF GOING
WHERE I DON'T BELONG.
LOOK, WHEN YOU GOT THE
MONEY, BABY, YOU BELONG.
GEORGE, WE ARE JUST PLAIN FOLKS.
NO. NOT ANYMORE.
SEE, WE WAS PLAIN
FOLKS $47,000.50 AGO.
BUT, GEORGE, EAST
SIDE MANHATTAN?
THOSE ARE NOT MY KIND OF PEOPLE.
SO, IF YOU GET LONELY, WE'LL
BUS IN SOME OF YOUR FRIENDS.
EXCEPT FOR HONKY NEXT DOOR.
WHY IS IT MY WHITE
FRIENDS ARE "HONKY"
AND YOUR WHITE
FRIENDS ARE "MISTER"?
WHAT WHITE FRIENDS?
THOSE GUYS YOU'VE BEEN
TAKING TO LUNCH ALL WEEK.
IF THEY ARE BLACK,
I AM DORIS DAY.
LOOK, THOSE GUYS WORK AT
WHITTENDALE NATIONAL BANK
AND BANKERS AIN'T
NOBODY'S FRIENDS.
LOOK, I WANT THEM TO GET ME IN
TO SEE OLD MAN
WHITTENDALE HIMSELF.
SO I CAN HIT ON HIM
FOR MY BUSINESS LOAN.
I DON'T GET IT.
IF WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE SO RICH,
WHY DO WE NEED TO BORROW MONEY?
BECAUSE THAT'S THE
WAY RICH PEOPLE OPERATE.
LOOK, BANKS DON'T MAKE LOANS
TO PEOPLE WHO NEED MONEY.
THAT'S WHAT PAWN SHOPS ARE FOR.
LOUISE, I BOUGHT YOU
SOME FRUIT FOR YOUR TRIP.
WE'RE ONLY GOING TO MANHATTAN.
WELL, SUBWAYS BREAK
DOWN SOMETIMES.
WELL, EDITH,
I GUESS THIS IS REALLY GOOD-BYE.
I KNOW.
WELL, I'LL JUST SAY, SO LONG.
SO LONG, EDITH.
LOUISE.
DID I EVER TELL YOU
I LOVE YOU?
EVERY MINUTE WE'VE
SPENT TOGETHER.
[sighing]
YOU'D BETTER GO NOW.
BEFORE THE BOTH
OF US GET AWFUL WET.
BYE, LOUISE.
I MEAN, SO LONG.
WHAT SEEMS TO BE
THE HOLDUP IN HERE?
YOU STILL HAVEN'T
FINISHED PACKIN' YET?
UH, JUST ONE MORE THING.
YOUR COFFEE MUG.
I WON'T BE DRINKIN'
OUT OF MUGS NO MORE.
[mug shattering]
FROM NOW ON, IT'S CUPS
AND SAUCERS ALL THE WAY.
COME ON, LOUISE. THE
LIMOUSINE'S WAITING.
LIMOUSINE?
HAVE YOU GONE CRAZY?
WHAT DO WE NEED A LIMOUSINE FOR?
BECAUSE WE'RE GONNA
LEAVE BUNKERSVILLE IN STYLE.
COME ON, WEEZY.
THINGS ARE LOOKING
GOOD FOR US. LOOK,
YOU DESERVE THE BEST.
AND THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT YOU'RE GOIN' TO GET.
THE BEST.
OK?
HERE.
OH, LIONEL, I LOVE WHAT YOUR FOLKS
HAVE DONE WITH THEIR APARTMENT.
YOU LIKE THE
FURNITURE, HUH? OH, YES.
AND YOU'RE HAPPY WITH THE VIEW?
YEAH.
SO THEN WE'RE ALL THROUGH
WITH THE APARTMENT?
YEAH. GOOD, LET'S FOOL AROUND.
OH!
[clearing throat]
UH-OH, VICE SQUAD.
[Jenny chuckling] HELLO, JENNY.
HI, MRS. JEFFERSON.
RIGHT IN HERE.
WHERE SHALL I PUT THESE?
IN THE KITCHEN.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. JUST PUT THEM
DOWN, I'LL TAKE CARE OF THEM LATER.
LET HIM HANDLE IT,
LOUISE. I'M TIPPING HIM
FOR THE FULL TRIP. IN
THE KITCHEN, PLEASE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' HERE?
I THOUGHT YOU HAD SCHOOL.
OH, WELL, I WAS JUST
SHOWIN' JENNY AROUND.
UH-HUH. WELL, LOOK. I
FOUND THE APARTMENT,
I'LL CONDUCT THE TOURS, OK?
HERE YOU GO.
SEE. YOU DO RIGHT BY
ME, I'LL DO RIGHT BY YOU.
OH, I'LL DO ALL RIGHT
BY YOU, ALL RIGHT.
YES, SIR. SIR.
DID YOU HEAR THAT?
YES, SIR! HA, HA! HEY.
THERE'S PLENTY MORE
WHERE THAT CAME FROM.
I OWN THE NEW CLEANING
STORE DOWNSTAIRS.
(doorman) YES, SIR,
SIR. CERTAINLY, SIR.
ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY.
STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE.
LOUISE,
REMEMBER THE HARD TIMES WE
HAD WHEN WE FIRST GOT MARRIED,
LIVIN' AT 126TH AND LENOX,
AND THERE WERE 4 FAMILIES
SHARING ONE JOHN? REMEMBER?
I SURE DO.
WELL, EVERYBODY. NOW, HEAR THIS.
[toilet flushing]
ONE.
[toilet flushing]
(George) 2 AND 3.
HIS' AND HERS'.
[toilet flushing]
HOW ABOUT THAT? 4
JOHNS. NO WAITING.
LIONEL, LET'S FACE IT.
YOUR MOTHER MARRIED A 4-FLUSHER.
COME ON, JENNY, LET
ME SHOW YOU AROUND.
FIRST WE'LL STOP AT THE
COMMODIOUS SLEEPING QUARTERS.
YOU THINK POP WILL EVER GET
AROUND TO LIKING JENNY'S PARENTS?
OH, SURE, HE WILL.
THE DAY HER WHITE
FATHER TURNS BLACK.
AND THIS HERE IS
THE LIVING AREA,
WHERE WE DOES OUR LIVING.
AND HERE WE HAVE THE DINING AREA
WHERE WE DOES OUR DINING.
AND THROUGH THIS DOOR
IS THE KITCHEN AREA...
WHERE WE DOES OUR KITCHENING.
OH, YEAH, JENNY, LET ME
SHOW YOU THE TERRACE.
WE KEEP IT HANGIN'
RIGHT OUTSIDE. OH.
YEAH, YOU GONNA
LOVE IT HERE, LOUISEY.
I LOVE IT THERE.
WITH ALL THOSE NOSEY
NEIGHBORS? NOW, SEE,
HERE YOUR NEIGHBORS
KNOW HOW TO ACT.
LIKE PERFECT STRANGERS, YOU SEE.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO
SAY HELLO TO NOBODY.
AND NOBODY SAYS HELLO TO YOU.
RIGHT. NO PUSHY NEIGHBORS RINGIN'
THE DOORBELL EVERY 5 MINUTES.
[doorbell ringing]
GEORGE, DO YOU
HEAR THE DOORBELL,
OR DO WE LIVE NEXT
DOOR TO A CHURCH?
THAT'S NOT NICE.
COMING.
HELLO.
I'M YOUR NEXT-DOOR
NEIGHBOR, ACTUALLY.
LOUISE, IT'S MR. ACTUALLY.
THAT'S JOLLY GOOD.
NO, I'M HARRY BENTLEY.
HI. WE'RE THE JEFFERSONS.
COME IN, MR. BENTLEY.
HOW DO YOU DO?
A LOVELY APARTMENT, THIS.
GEORGE, MOVE.
LET ME GUESS,
MR. JEFFERSON, YOU MUST BE
10 STONE.
DID HE SAY I WAS STONED?
I DON'T THINK SO.
I... I AM SORRY. I KEEP
FORGETTING TO SPEAK AMERICAN.
THAT'S IT. YOU'RE
ENGLISH, AREN'T YOU?
YES, I'M AFRAID SO.
ACTUALLY, I WAS TRYING
TO GUESS YOUR WEIGHT.
10 STONE IS 140 POUNDS.
WELL, I WEIGH 145.
SMASHING. IT COULDN'T BE BETTER.
DO ME A LITTLE FAVOR, WILL YOU?
WHAT KIND OF FAVOR?
TAKE A LITTLE WALK DOWN THE
SMALL OF MY BACK, WOULD YOU?
SAY WHAT?
AND, UH, PLEASE, UH, TAKE
YOUR SHOES OFF FIRST.
THERE'S A GOOD FELLOW.
WELL, YOU WANTED TO MOVE UP
TO THE EAST SIDE. TAKE A WALK.
THAT'S IT. YEAH. OH, YES.
NOW, THAT'S IT.
DO YOU HEAR THAT?
OH, THAT'S HEAVEN.
ANY PARTICULAR REASON
WHY WE'RE DOIN' THIS?
IT'S THE ONLY THING THAT
SEEMS TO HELP MY BACK.
[chuckling] OH, MARVELOUS.
IT'S WORKING, IT'S WORKING.
IT WORKED.
THANK YOU, MR. JEFFERSON.
YOU HAVE KIND FEET.
WELL, ANYTHING I CAN DO
FOR YOU, DON'T HESITATE TO
RING MY BELL.
BYE-BYE.
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?
GEORGE, I BELIEVE YOU WERE
RIGHT ABOUT THIS PLACE AFTER ALL.
IMAGINE, AN ENGLISH NEIGHBOR.
GOOD GOD. YOU'RE BLACK.
SOMETHIN' WRONG WITH THAT?
OH, NO, NO. I JUST
DIDN'T NOTICE BEFORE.
WELL, JAMBO!
DID YOU SAY SAMBO?
JAMBO, IT'S SWAHILI.
ACTUALLY, IT MEANS HELLO,
I NEVER CAN REMEMBER
THE WORD FOR GOOD-BYE.
LOUISE,
FIND OUT THE WORD
FOR GOOD-BYE IN SWAHILI.
THE NEXT TIME
HE OR ANYBODY ELSE
RINGS THAT DOORBELL, USE IT.
[Jenny laughing] OH, LIONEL.
AND WHILE YOU'RE AT
IT, TEACH IT TO LIONEL.
SO HE CAN USE IT ON HIS
GIRLFRIEND AND HER PARENTS,
MR. DAY AND MRS. NIGHT.
GEORGE, THE WILLIS'
ARE FINE PEOPLE.
NOW, JUST BECAUSE HE
HAPPENED TO BE WHITE...
IT AIN'T JUST THAT. I WOULDN'T
LIKE HIM EVEN IF HE WAS BLACK.
WHICH I'M GLAD HE AIN'T,
SINCE I DON'T LIKE HIM.
WHY?
'CAUSE HE'S TOO FRIENDLY.
HE'S ONE OF 'EM,
TOUCHY-FEELY GUYS.
LIKE A GREAT BIG,
WHITE POLAR BEAR
ALWAYS GRABBIN',
HUGGIN' AND SQUEEZIN'.
WELL, I THINK THE
WILLIS' ARE WARM,
LOVELY PEOPLE, AND I LIKE THEM.
THEN DO IT LONG DISTANCE,
'CAUSE I DON'T
WANT THEM IN HERE.
HEY, UH, MR. JEFFERSON.
THANKS A LOT FOR
SHOWING ME THIS APARTMENT.
AND I GOTTA BE GOIN'.
OH, WHAT A SHAME.
[doorbell ringing]
UH, LOUISE, IF THAT'S
MR. SWAHILI AGAIN,
YOU WALK ON HIS BACK THIS TIME.
I KNOW HE WON'T
BE READY FOR THAT.
HERE THEY ARE, TOM. I
TOLD YOU THEY'D ARRIVED.
SURPRISE, EVERYBODY!
LOUISE.
UH, LOOK, GEORGE. THE WILLIS'.
WHAT'RE YOU 2 DOIN'
IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD?
WE LIVE HERE. YEAH.
LIVE WHERE?
RIGHT UPSTAIRS. 20TH FLOOR.
SAY WHAT?
I SAID, WE'RE GOING
TO BE NEIGHBORS.
HI, NEIGHBOR.
HERE IT COMES.
TOUCHY-FEELY,
TOUCHY-FEELY, TOUCHY-FEELY.
IMAGINE, ALL OF US
LIVING IN THE SAME BUILDING.
ISN'T IT A SMALL WORLD?
TOO SMALL. LIONEL, I WANT TO
SPEAK TO YOU IN THE KITCHEN. NOW.
EXCUSE ME. I THINK
SOMETHING'S BOILIN' OVER.
MAYBE I SQUEEZED
HIM TOO HARD, HUH?
NOT HARD ENOUGH, TOM.
HE'S STILL BREATHING.
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL
ME THEY'RE LIVIN' HERE?
WHY DIDN'T YOU ASK ME?
YOU MEAN TO TELL
ME I GOTTA ASK YOU
IF THE SKY IS FALLIN'
BEFORE YOU TELL ME.
GEORGE, YOU KEEP YOUR VOICE
DOWN. WE HAVE GOT GUESTS.
NO, WE DON'T. WE
GOT TRESPASSERS.
DID YOU HEAR THAT, TOM? MOM.
COME ON, GIVE
MR. JEFFERSON A CHANCE.
WELL, AFTER ALL, YOU DID
COME HERE WITHOUT WARNING.
HE JUST WASN'T PREPARED.
HIS MOUTH WAS.
I'VE NEVER SEEN SUCH
A PREPARED MOUTH.
NOW, HELEN, YOU'VE GOT
TO BE MORE TOLERANT.
JUST SAY TO YOURSELF,
"THE MAN'S AN IDIOT
AND WE HAVE TO MAKE ALLOWANCES."
GEORGE, COME BACK HERE!
NOW, LOOK.
WE CAME DOWN HERE IN
THE SPIRIT OF FRIENDSHIP.
THEN THAT'S A GOOD
WAY FOR YOU TO LEAVE.
IN THE SPIRIT OF FRIENDSHIP.
NOW, LOOK HERE, SHORTY.
WHO YOU CALLIN' SHORTY?
SHE DON'T MEAN ME.
I'M WARNING YOU, LOUISE,
THERE'S ONLY ONE
SIDE MY WIFE CAN BE ON.
THAT'S EITHER MY
SIDE OR OUTSIDE.
WHY CAN'T WE ALL
BE ON THE SAME SIDE?
(Jenny) RIGHT. YEAH,
THAT'S RIGHT, POP.
'CAUSE THEY'RE ALL
GONNA BE YOUR IN-LAWS,
SO WHY DON'T YOU
TRY GETTIN' ALONG?
OK, SON.
YOU REALLY WANNA GET ALONG?
YOU BET.
OK.
WELL, I TRIED IT
AND I DON'T LIKE IT.
SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST
MOVE OUT OF THE BUILDING?
WHAT?
SURE, IT'S ONLY FAIR.
DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TROUBLE
I HAD GETTING INTO THIS BUILDING?
THE ONLY REASON I GOT IN HERE
WAS BECAUSE I HAD ENOUGH
GREEN TO COVER MY BLACK.
NOW, SEE, YOU'RE WHITE. YOU
CAN GET IN ANY PLACE YOU WANT.
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS HIDE
YOUR WIFE IN A WOODPILE
UNTIL THE LEASE IS SIGNED.
WELL, HERE'S A MESSAGE
FROM THE WOODPILE.
IF ANYBODY'S MOVING,
IT'S YOU, SHORTY.
OK.
IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU WANT
IT, THAT'S THE WAY IT'S GONNA BE.
WE ARE MOVING.
GEORGE, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
WHERE YOU CAN'T FOLLOW.
GEORGE, COME OUT OF THERE.
(George) I AIN'T COMIN'
OUT TILL THEY LEAVE.
COME ON, LET'S GO. BUT...
WE'LL SEE OURSELVES OUT.
DON'T BOTHER TO GET UP.
LIONEL, YOU BETTER
GO TO YOUR ROOM.
I DON'T WANT YOU TO
GET HIT BY YOUR FATHER.
WHY'S HE GONNA HIT ME?
BECAUSE I'M NOT SURE
WHERE I'M GONNA THROW HIM.
ALL RIGHT, GEORGE. THEY'VE GONE.
YOU KNOW, I'VE SEEN
YOU ACT DUMB BEFORE.
BUT NOW I'M CONVINCED
YOU WASN'T ACTING.
WHATEVER YOU SAY, LOUISE.
WHATEVER YOU SAY.
HUH?
I'M A BEATEN MAN, LOUISE.
YOU WANNA KICK A MAN
WHEN HE'S DOWN, GO AHEAD.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
IT'S ALL OVER.
ALL MY PLANS, ALL MY DREAMS,
ALL THAT DOUGH, DOWN THE DRAIN.
OH, COME OFF IT, POP.
AND TO THINK MY OWN
FAMILY DID IT TO ME.
SEE, THAT'S WHAT HURTS SO BAD.
IT'S NOT JUST THE IDEA OF
THOSE PEOPLE LIVING UPSTAIRS,
IT'S THAT NOBODY EVER TOLD ME.
IF YOU'D STUCK A
KNIFE IN MY BACK,
YOU COULDN'T HAVE HURT ME MORE.
OH, GEORGE.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, JEZEBEL.
WHAT IS HE TALKING ABOUT?
LET ME TRY TALKIN' TO HIM, MA.
[Lionel sighing]
POP.
WHAT IS IT, JEZEBEL JR.?
LOOK, POP, I'M TRYIN' TO TALK
TO YOU. WILL YOU LOOK AT ME?
I SMELL GAS. ONE OF THEM
PILOT LIGHTS MUST BE OUT.
HEY, LOOK, MOM DIDN'T KNOW
ANYTHING ABOUT THE WILLIS' MOVIN' IN.
IT WAS ALL MY DOIN', ALL RIGHT.
WELL, WE JUST HAVE TO UNDO
YOUR DOIN' AND MOVE OUT OF HERE.
HEY, POP, IF YOU'RE
TRYING TO BREAK UP
JENNY AND ME, IT'S
NOT GONNA WORK.
AND IT'S SILLY TO MOVE OUT
BECAUSE THIS
BUILDING IS BIG ENOUGH.
YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO SEE
THE WILLIS' IF YOU DON'T WANT TO.
I'LL KNOW THEY'RE
THERE. I'LL FEEL 'EM.
IT'S JUST LIKE THE PRINCESS
THAT STEPPED ON THE PEA.
LIONEL, YOU'VE DONE ME IN.
I GIVE UP.
IS HE ALL RIGHT? WHAT
HAPPENED IN THERE?
NOTHIN'. I COULDN'T
GET THROUGH TO HIM.
I'VE NEVER SEEN
POP SO LOW BEFORE.
OH, LOOK, I'M GOING TO GO UPSTAIRS
AND APOLOGIZE TO THE WILLIS'.
[doorbell ringing]
OH, HI, GRANDMA.
HELLO.
MOTHER JEFFERSON,
WHAT A NICE SURPRISE.
HELLO, LOUISE.
I WAS PASSING BY AND
THOUGHT I'D DROP IN.
WELL, I'M SO GLAD YOU DID.
I FIGURED THIS WOULD BE QUICKER
THAN WAITING FOR AN INVITATION.
WELL, UH, HOW DO YOU
LIKE OUR NEW APARTMENT?
OH, IT'S LOVELY.
JUST BEAUTIFUL.
GEORGE HAS SUCH GOOD TASTE.
IN MOST THINGS.
GEORGE, YOUR MOTHER IS HERE.
GEORGE.
I'LL GET HIM.
GEORGE... [screams]
GEORGE!
(Louise) OH, MY GOD!
GEORGE, I BEG OF YOU,
DON'T TAKE YOUR LIFE!
AIN'T NOBODY
TAKIN' NOBODY'S LIFE.
I GOT BUSINESS IN THERE.
THE PILOT LIGHT IS OUT.
I THOUGHT YOU WAS
TRYING TO KILL YOURSELF.
WHAT FOR? I GOT A FAMILY
THAT'S ALREADY DOIN' THAT.
WELL, YOU BETTER PULL
YOURSELF TOGETHER, GEORGE.
YOU'VE GOT A VISITOR.
WELL, TELL HIM TO GO TO HELL.
WHATEVER YOU SAY,
GEORGE. IT'S YOUR MOTHER.
OH, SON, YOU HAVE SUCH
A LOVELY APARTMENT.
YEAH, WELL, GET A GOOD LAST LOOK
AT IT, MAMA, 'CAUSE WE'RE MOVIN' OUT.
BUT WE'VE GOT A 3-YEAR LEASE.
THAT AIN'T NOTHIN'.
I'M GONNA CALL THE REAL
ESTATE AGENT RIGHT NOW.
I KNOW WE'LL HAVE NO TROUBLE
SUBLETTIN' THIS APARTMENT.
MAYBE EVEN MAKE A
FEW BUCKS ON THE DEAL.
HELLO, AGAIN.
I WAS DOWNSTAIRS IN THE DELI
WHEN IT SUDDENLY OCCURRED TO ME
THAT YOU MIGHT NOT HAVE ANY
FOOD IN YET. HOW DO YOU DO?
SO I BROUGHT YOU SOME BANGERS.
BANGERS?
YES. UH, ENGLISH SAUSAGES.
WELL, WHY DO THEY
CALL THEM BANGERS?
I REALLY DON'T KNOW.
SOMETHING TO DO WITH
THE AFTER EFFECTS, I THINK.
AH! THE FUNNIEST THING
JUST HAPPENED TO ME.
I GOT ON THE ELEVATOR WITH
MR. AND MRS. WHITTENDALE,
AND I FORGOT TO PUSH
THE BUTTON FOR MY FLOOR.
WHITTENDALE?
YES, HENRY AND
JANET WHITTENDALE.
THEY LIVE IN THE PENTHOUSE, WHICH
IS THE POINT OF THE STORY, YOU SEE.
THERE I AM... HENRY
L. WHITTENDALE?
YES, HE'S A CHARMING FELLOW.
SO, AS WE'RE TRAVELING
UPWARD, YOU SEE...
WHITTENDALE-BANK WHITTENDALE?
RIGHT. UH, HE'S VERY
EASY TO TALK TO.
SO JUST AS WE'RE
PASSING MY FLOOR...
[laughing]
BOY, THAT WAS A GREAT STORY.
DID I FINISH IT?
SURE, YOU DID.
IT WAS A GREAT STORY. YOU
HEARD HOW HARD I WAS LAUGHIN'.
BOY, YOU'RE REALLY HILARIOUS.
I NEVER LAUGHED SO
HARD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
THANK YOU. YOU'RE WELCOME.
LOOK, ANYTIME YOU WANT YOUR BACK
WALKED ON, JUST BRING IT ON OVER.
YOU KNOW...
WELL, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING
FOR, LOUISE? START UNPACKING.
BUT YOU SAID YOU'D
NEVER LIVE HERE.
DIDN'T YOU HEAR WHAT HE SAID?
WHITTENDALE LIVES
IN THE PENTHOUSE.
WHO? WHITTENDALE.
THE OWNER OF THE
BANK I DO BUSINESS WITH.
SO?
SO, WHITTENDALE RIDES THE
ELEVATOR. I RIDE THE ELEVATOR.
SOME OF THE BIGGEST DEALS
ARE MADE IN ELEVATORS.
THIS IS MY BIG CHANCE TO GET
TO KNOW THE PEOPLE UPSTAIRS.
[doorbell ringing]
DOORBELL, DEAR.
MAY WE COME IN?
UH. OH, OF COURSE, YOU MAY.
UH-UH-UH, NOW, BEFORE YOU
LOCK YOURSELF IN THE JOHN AGAIN,
WE JUST CAME DOWN TO SAY WE
THINK YOU'RE WRONG ABOUT MOVING.
BUT FOR THE SAKE OF THE KIDS,
AT LEAST, LET'S PART FRIENDS.
OH, BUT WE'RE NOT MOVING.
YOU'RE NOT?
NO. AS A MATTER OF FACT,
GEORGE INSISTED THAT WE STAY.
HE SAID, IT WAS HIS BIG CHANCE
TO GET TO KNOW
THE PEOPLE UPSTAIRS.
ISN'T THAT RIGHT, GEORGE?
THAT'S GREAT.
THIS WAS SUPPOSED
TO BE A FAREWELL GIFT,
BUT NOW IT WORKS
OUT EVEN BETTER.
HERE. WHAT'S THIS FOR?
IT'S FOR DRINKING
A LITTLE TOAST.
UNLESS YOU'VE GOT A BATTLESHIP
AROUND HERE YOU'D LIKE TO LAUNCH.
YES, AS A MATTER OF
FACT, MY MOTHER-IN-LAW.
AH, COME ON NOW, LET'S SEE A
SMILE ON THAT OLD KISSER, HUH?
NOW, COME ON, COME ON.
OH, HERE IT COMES, FOLKS.
OH, WE'RE GONNA BE SEEING A
LOT OF EACH OTHER FROM NOW ON.
TOUCHY-FEELY, TOUCHY-FEELY.
[all laughing]
(male announcer) ALL IN THE
FAMILY WAS RECORDED ON TAPE
BEFORE A LIVE AUDIENCE.