All Hail King Julien (2014–2017): Season 3, Episode 7 - Close Encounters of the Mort Kind - full transcript

-[Mort chuckles]
-[growls]

-[Mort] I'm okay!
-[laughs]

[theme music playing]

♪ Party ♪

-♪ Who's the king? ♪
-♪ King Julien! ♪

-♪ Who's the king? ♪
-♪ King Julien! ♪

♪ Get down for the get down ♪

-♪ Everybody party with King who? ♪
-♪ King Julien! ♪

-♪ King who? ♪
-♪ King Julien! ♪

♪ Tonight will be forever ♪

♪ Let's do King Julien style ♪



♪ Woof ♪

♪ Whoa oh, whoa oh ♪

♪ Y'all tell me who's the king ♪

♪ Whoa oh, whoa oh ♪

♪ All hail King Julien! ♪

[Mort] ...and watch over King Julien,

and also, please make me
the tallest, handsomest,

richest lemur in the world.

Sincerely, your friend, Mort.

Oh, also, you know,
world peace, whatever. [chuckles]

The End. Thanks, Sky Gods!

[kissing]

[licking, slurping]

[sighs]



[snoring]

-[machine whirring]
-[gasps]

[whimpering]

Who's there?

[electricity crackling]

If this is the ghost
of Aunt Trudy, I'm sorry,

but how was I supposed to know
that you couldn't swim?

Or climb out of a well?

[gasps, whimpering]

[shouts] No, no!

-[doors opening]
-[gasps]

[whimpers, screams]

[panicking] ...and then they held me down

and then they did stuff to me,

and some of it tickled, [giggles]

and then I woke up in my bed.

-[panting]
-Argh!

Really, Mort? Aliens?
Okay, little fella, out!

What Clover's saying is,
why would they abduct you

when there's a perfectly good king
to abduct?

Don't they realize how great it would be
to be intergalactic homies with me?

Yeah, that is not what I was saying.

I-I think everyone's point is,
there must be a logical explanation

for what happened to Mort last night.
He had a bad dream, he sleepwalked--

The aliens had some paperwork mix-up
and tried to give Mort

their advanced space technology
instead of the king.

You know, I'm all about them lasers, dawg.
[mimicking lasers firing]

[shouts] There are no aliens,
Your Majesty!

[echoing]

-[sniffs]
-Ahem.

Terribly sorry. [chuckles nervously]

That came out a bit louder
than I intended it to.

Clover is correct.
Unlike the Sky Gods and sea monsters

and psychically moving things
with your mind, aliens are make-believe.

If I didn't get abducted,
then where did I get this?

[all gasping]

Uh, Mort, [clears throat]
did, uh, did you shave your butt again?

The aliens did it! This time.

Whoa-ho ho ho ho!

Killer manscaping, Mort.

Way to keep your grooming game tight.
Wow, you could eat off that thing.

This confirms nothing.

Masikura, look into Mort's brainy parts

-with your psychic lizard voodoo.
-Well, I don't--

[both babbling together]

What is it? What is it? Come on!
Come on, come on, come on!

Oh, I gotta see this. [mumbling]

[Mort groaning]

[beeping]

[Mort continues groaning]

[Mort slurping]

[Mort giggling]

Hey, that tickles.

Wait, I didn't say stop. Get back to work!

[Mort chuckles]

-[all babbling]
-[Clover grunts]

[groans] Your Majesty, are you all right?

[slowly] That was so messed up.

That something so cool
happened to Mort instead of me!

Oh, there's so much great stuff
on that spaceship, you guys.

Alien technology that'll
completely revolutionize

the electronic dance music scene
around here.

It's like some next level...

-[techno music playing]
-[Julien beatboxing]

So, I'm getting light headed.

So, your reason for making alien contact
is for better techno music?

Well, yeah.

And maybe meet a cool alien best friend

to eat candy with or go cruising around
in a tripped out space hooptie.

[chuckles]

Clover, let's make this happen!

I'll stake out Mort's stump tonight.

Oh, no, no no.

I don't want Johnny Law
poking around in my pad.

And I will stake out the stump as well.

Ooh, I'll make hummus.

If the aliens come, let me do the talking.

I'll simply explain to them
that they're focusing on the wrong lemur

when the perfect abductee has been
right in front of them the whole time.

[shouts] Now, hide!

Guys?

[sighs] Yes, Mort?

I'm too excited to sleep.

Then pretend to sleep.

Okay.

Oh, I'm too excited to pretend to sleep!

Go to sleep!

-[doors opening]
-[screaming]

-Clover, are you hurt?
-That wasn't me.

[continues screaming]

Oh, yeah, aliens!
Show the king your space goodies!

When I get on that ship, I got shotgun.

No takey-backsies.

[whimpering]

Oh, my gosh!

Whoa!

-[humming a tune]
-Argh!

Mort's been taken.

Again?

[screams]

I mean, just... [screams]

Are you hurt, King Julien?

Well, I kinda slept on my neck
funny the other night,

and now there's a pinchy feeling,
when I turn my head like th--

-[snapping]
-Ow! See?

Okay, that's a no.
Maurice, situation report.

Maurice?

[Maurice continues whimpering]

What we saw in there is not normal.

We have to warn the village.

Sorry, Mo-Mo,
but we're on information lockdown.

Nobody finds out about this.

The citizens deserve transparency,
Your Majesty.

Well, I, uh...

They deserve to know the truth.

Oh, right. Of course they do,

but you know how citizens are.

They're much happier
when they're a bunch of clueless goobers.

So true! Take me for example.

Trapped in the ivory tower
of my superior intellect,

I find myself racked with loneliness,
neuroses, regret and...

Wow, I'm over-sharing, aren't I?
[chuckles, snorts]

Exactly. What he said.

Nothing good can ever come
from being honest with the public.

[stammering, grumbling]

And the award for Biggest Drama Queen
in a Supporting Role goes to Maurice!

Yeesh!

Timo, let's use your science magic
to contact the aliens.

-Um, King Julien?
-Clover, you--

Not now, Masikura, I'm on a roll.

Clover, you're in charge
of defending the royal secrets

from the haters,
both foreign and domestic.

-On it!
-What should I do, King Julien?

Not now, Mort... Mort?

-[Clover] How did you escape?
-[Julien] And what's on your ear?

I don't know.
I think the aliens gave it to me.

The blinking light's a little tacky,
right? But I didn't get a gift receipt.

Aliens are accessorizing you?

Mort, where did your magical medallion
really come from?

This isn't magic at all.
This is technology.

I might be able to patch into this.

Do your thing, Timo. I don't want Mort
to be the only one with space bling.

[humming]

And now, it's becoming a full on cover-up.

I'm loyal to King Julien,
but this feels dangerous.

We gotta warn everybody.

Wow, this is great.
A hard-hitting news story.

I put it on my vision board,

and boom, the universe hooks me up.

Ooh, I can't wait to ask the aliens
who they're wearing.

Just remember, I could never
publicly go against King Julien's wishes.

I completely understand.

I'm here with the anonymous
best friend of King Julien,

who's ready to blow
the doors off a conspiracy.

[Maurice in distorted voice] Thanks
for having me, Xixi. Pleasure to be here.

That's definitely Maurice, right?

I mean, his body, mannerisms, voice,

posture and ear shape sure ring a bell.

But, heck, I can't see his face,
so, [chuckles] who knows?

I have reason to believe
lemurs from our kingdom

are being abducted by aliens.

-[all chattering indistinctly]
-They're back?

What can we do to stay safe
against this alien invasion,

lemur-who-definitely-isn't-Maurice?

The most important thing
is to remain calm.

If we build fortified bunkers
and collect enough supplies

to live underground forever,

we can get back to our normal lives.

Um, that's it? Sounds easy enough.

[all chattering]

[grunts, panting]

Now what's all this mess about aliens?

What? That wasn't me on the stage.

[stammering] I mean, I don't even know
what you're talking about. [grunts]

-Okay, fine. It was me.
-Hah!

I was just a boy.

I watched her get pulled
into a bright light.

Save yourself, Hector.

[shouts] Mommy!

And that was the last time
I ever saw my mom.

If the aliens are really back,
maybe I can finally get some answers

about what happened to her.

Actually, I could really use your help
hiding the villagers.

Hiding? [laughs]

You can't hide from these things.

You can't run from them.

If they want to get you,
[shouts] they will!

[whimpering]

This is crazy! I'm coming with you,
and that is final.

If the aliens give me a plus-one, sure.

Just, when we're on the ship,
don't be a total buzzkill.

We're not here to make friends
with these Martian invaders.

They're the enemy, Your Majesty!

See that? Buzzkill. Now hide!

-[Clover grunts]
-[groans]

Ow! [groaning]

[crashing]

Okay, good night.

I-I mean, [squeaky voice] g-good night!
I'm gonna do the sleepies now.

[sighs]

[groans]

[squeaky voice] Ooh! I'm Mort.

I hope the aliens don't take me
up to their spaceship.

'Cause, I'm Mort.

Yep, I'm definitely Mort. [giggles]

[giggling in pleasure]

Ah, so luxurious.

Yay!

Ooh! Boxers and briefs?

My King Julien is full of surprises.

Whee!

[giggling]

[gasps, screams]

[Julien] I can't believe
the aliens took Mort!

Again! So unfair!

[stammers] I think I've patched
into Mort's tracking tag.

This should be a live feed.

[Mort yelling indistinctly]

Nope, don't need to hear any more of that.
Can you locate him, Timo?

He's being held somewhere in here.

Which explains how the aliens
found him in King Julien's hut.

"Alleged aliens."

I say we locate where they're holding Mort

and we bust in there and end each
and every one of them with our bare hands.

[Timo] Too dangerous.

I suggest sending
the superstitious lizard in first.

[groans] You're right.
That was over the line.

Anyhoo, Masikura goes in,
gets the lay of the land and locates Mort.

Then, Clover enters silently
for the extraction.

Yes! And I make a great
first impression with the aliens. [kisses]

Charming, without being too try-hard
or eager, you know. Smooth.

Wa-cha!

Which is why I need
some face time with them.

-Okay, peoples, we got a real mission now.
-[cracking]

Masikura, you're the master of disguise.

Clover, the muscle.

And I'll be the brains, the ladies' man,
the wild card, the comic relief.

[Timo blows raspberry, laughs]

Well, good luck to you all.

Oh, no. You're coming too.

Every mission needs a nerdy egghead guy

who's always complaining
and getting scared

and maybe gets killed at the end. Duh!

And what about Maurice?

Hmm. Well, I guess
he could be the comic relief

but he's not taking "ladies' man" from me.

Nobody takes "ladies' man" from me!

I mean, where is he?

Oh! Uh...

[Julien] Mo-Mo?

Oh, girl, if I don't know
where it's been, I ain't eatin' it.

[gasps] Oh. We're rolling? [clears throat]

The kingdom is frantically stockpiling
supplies for an alien invasion

that at least one concerned citizen
is convinced, is inevitable.

I don't want anybody to panic, but y'all
should be freaking out right now.

This is a massive government cover-up!

And these conspiracies
have been going on for years.

Where do you think
the baobab tree came from?

Ancient lemurs never could've built
something so advanced

with all the whosies and whatsits.

Ancient aliens built that, man!

[Maurice screams, whimpers]

And Maurice-in-a-bad-disguise
isn't the only citizen

concerned about the upcoming invasion.

[screaming]

Yeah, my ex-boyfriend Errol got abducted.

Used to be normal like me.
Now he's real weird. [slurps]

Ted and I are so excited
about this weekend getaway.

It's been ages since we've been
to a nice bed and breakfast.

[Xixi] The village is being evacuated
to an underground bomb shelter.

Oh. Well, do you know what
the brunch situation is in there?

[farting]

What was the question?

[beeping]

This should lead us right to him.

Then let's get this
search party started, y'all!

What what! [chuckles]

-[door opening]
-[all gasping]

The aliens took my mother.

And now, I'm gonna get some answers.

And when I get those answers,
I'm gonna get some revenge.

We cool?

Well, it's not really
a revenge mission, so--

-It is now.
-[gun cocking]

[panting]

King Julien, the bunker's ready.

We have to evacuate before it's too late.

King Julien? Clover? Mort? I'm too late?

The aliens must've gotten 'em already.

Why? [sobbing]

[shouts] Why!

Everybody into the bunker.
Let's go!

There's not much time
before they take you too! [groans]

Where's King Julien?
Did something happen to him?

King Julien is fine! And no,
I have not been crying.

Nobody asked you about crying.

'Cause he's fine! Now get in the bunker
before you end up like him.

Oh, okay, well...
Wait! Didn't you just say he was fine?

[mumbling]

I think we got too many supplies.

Everybody, push!

[all straining]

-Is it working? I think it's working.
-[groaning]

Ted, it's not working.
There's just too much darn fruit!

[groans]

New plan. We eat our way in.
[shouts] Let's do this, people!

-[all chomping]
-[slurping]

Where will we go to the bathroom in there?

[shouting] There's no time for questions!
Eat your way to safety, people!

[continues chomping]

[beeping]

[grunts]

[sniffing]

[grunting]

[gasps]

Whoa!

[Timo] Mort should be in there.

[panting] Am I the only one out of breath?

Pretty sure this is the most
I've ever moved. [continues panting]

Everyone knows the plan, right?

-Masikura, camouflage yourself--
-[shouting] For Mommy!

[screaming]

[grunts]

-[shouts] Die, alien scum!
-[gun fires]

[both tremble]

[Mort screams in pain]

Yay!

Hector! Come on, buddy!

That could've hit someone important!

Also, I'm supposed to be the wild card.

You're stepping on my bit, man!

-[Timo panting]
-[Clover grunting]

[Mort laughing hysterically]

Now, we just need to get rid of this.

-[Timo straining]
-[Mort giggles]

[device beeping]

Mm, bet this is gonna burn
on the way out. [gulps]

[chuckles]

[Clover grunts]

-Clear. No sign of anyone.
-[Julien] Great.

Then I'm gonna mess around
with all the expensive-looking alien junk

I don't know how to use.
[laughing hysterically]

Your Majesty, we don't know when
they'll be back. We need to... [grunts]

Timo, what does this button do?
Is it a tractor beam?

-I wouldn't touch that.
-I would. [laughs]

Come on. We really should get out of here.

[Timo struggling]

[continues laughing]
Timo, where's the photon torpedoes?

-[Julien continues laughing]
-[crashing]

Hector?

Mommy? You're... alive?

Where have you been?

Here. In this field biology laboratory,
living amongst the human scientists.

Human?

Humans are a species of large hairless ape

that invented many gadgets,
but is otherwise completely stupid.

[laughs] Dummies.
How did this get in my butt?

-[Timo] King Julien, please be careful.
-[Julien] Nope!

[crashing]

You've been here the whole time?

When I was first taken, I tried to escape.

But as time passed,
I grew to like it here.

Eventually, I realized
I could do good here.

[Mort chomping]

Pretend I'm not even here.

[burps, continues chomping]

Seriously? This is where
you've been for 20 years?

You had a kid!

Well, when you put it like that,

yeah, I guess you're right.

I've been an awful mother.
I'm so sorry, Hector.

Listen... I mean, can we start over?

That's the worst apology I've ever heard!

You let your own kid think you were dead!

I mean, who does that?

Yeah, for real, Helen.

-We need to evacuate the premises, now!
-[Julien straining]

Not now, Clover,
I'm trying to find some black holes.

-[crashing]
-[both groaning]

I made a mistake,
and I want to make it up to you.

[door slamming open]

[Clover grunting]

-[Julien exclaims]
-[Timo whimpering]

-[shouts] Run!
-[Helen screams]

[gasps, grunts]

-Hey!
-[Julien chattering]

Hello? Yoo-hoo!

Space-freaks!
Ambassador of Earth down here.

Greetings, aliens!

[mimicking aliens, chuckles]

However you guys say it.
I-I never studied that, so...

Your Majesty, let's go!

Not now, Clover. I'm ambassading.

Now, let's talk alien technology.

I wanna be able to teleport.

Is that something you can help me with?

[chattering]

This is what passes
for "intelligent life forms"? Yeesh!

[sighs] Bad news, everybody,
these aliens are duds.

[grunts] Okay, look. Here's the deal.
Stop abducting Mort.

Okay, that's one. And B, don't come back

until you have better alien technology
to blow our mind spaces.

Step up your game, space-freaks.

My hero!

Don't make it gross, Mort.

Okay! Let's blow this joint, peoples.

Hector, wrap it up.

There's so much lost time to make up for.

I'm ready to come back
to the village with you.

To be your mom, again.

You mean it? Oh, that's great.

Um...

-Where are you planning on living?
-Well, I assumed I would live with you.

Uh, yeah. [stammering] I'm not really
looking for a roommate.

Well, I'm barely there.
You'll never notice me.

-Not really ideal--
-Maybe the six or seven times

I get up to make a wee-wee.

-...futon situation.
-That's okay, I'm--

You know what?
I know where to find you now.

I'll visit all the time.

I-I'm not just
saying that either. I swear.

[tracking device beeping]

Bye, dear. Bye!

[all humming]

Yes, my peoples.
I have confronted the aliens

and showed them who's boss.

Uh... my peoples?

Could it be some sort of
mass extinction event?

Do not be ridiculous.
They were obviously raptured up

to the Sky Gods' palace in Frankri-La.

[shouts in despair]
Why didn't you take me, Frank?

[sobbing] Why did I get left behind?

Something tells me
they haven't gone anywhere.

-[Clover grunting]
-[all screaming]

King Julien? You're alive?

We survived the alien invasion, y'all!
[shouts] We survived it!

[techno music playing]

[laughing hysterically]

[shouts] I've never felt so alive!

Hmm. [slurps]

[laughing] This bunker party
is off the chizain, Mo-Mo.

Hey, Horst, go easy
on the fruit punch, buddy.

You know how you get. [chuckles]

[nervously] I have a confession
to make, Your Majesty.

I-I told the whole kingdom
you were covering up the alien abductions.

-I'm sorry.
-Water under the bridge, buddy.

I realized that those space freaks
don't know how to party anyway.

But if you hadn't betrayed me,
your king and best friend,

we wouldn't be going hard
at the most exclusive club ever!

Did you see the line?

Sir, I am a serious journalist.

And this club wouldn't even exist
without me.

Sorry, baby. It's a fire hazard.

Oh... Okay.

I see. [humming]

I'll just, uh, go.

Please, let me in!

[shouting] I need
to get in there and party!

-[Xixi] Please, let me in!
-[guard] Did you just try to bite me?

-[Xixi screams]
-It's okay. It's okay.

-[Xixi] Spring break. [snoring]
-[guard] Ssh, sleep now. Go to sleep.

[Xixi mumbling] I just want to party.
[continues snoring]

We did do a background check
on Butterfish, didn't we?

Don't look at me. It's your club.

[up-beat music playing]