All Grown Up! (2003–2008): Season 1, Episode 2 - Susie Sings the Blues - full transcript
Susie is discovered as a great singing talent by an agent who leads her to believe she's going to be the next teen superstar.
( loud pop music playing )
♪ I'm the girl
you're lookin' for ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm the girl
I'd be lookin' for ♪
♪ If I were you, baby, yeah... ♪
( dogs barking )
Quiet!
( dogs stop barking )
Everybody's a critic.
( dogs barking and howling )
BOY:
♪ Four, three, two one! ♪
( rock music plays )
♪ Every birthday,
my mom and dad would say ♪
♪ You're another older,
another year wiser ♪
♪ But I still go to school,
to get an education ♪
♪ I take each
and every day ♪
♪ Like a mini vacation ♪
♪ All grown up ♪
♪ I really want
to shout it out ♪
♪ All grown up ♪
♪ I want the world to know ♪
♪ All grown up ♪
♪ I really want
to shout it out ♪
♪ All grown up ♪
♪ With you ♪
♪ All grown up with... you! ♪
♪ Oh, say, does that star
spangled banner yet wave ♪
♪ O'er the land of the free,
and the home of the brave? ♪
Hang it up, Susie.
You sound like Fluffy
the day after
she licked the tinsel
off the Christmas tree.
( chuckling ):
Oh, that's so sweet...
Screech-elica.
WOMAN:
That is some voice
you have.
I'm Beverly Jones.
I manage singing talent.
It's a little rough
around the edges,
but you definitely
have something there.
Are you repped?
Thanks. Uh, "repped"?
You know,
d-do you have an agent?
Well, no, but...
If you're looking
for real talent,
plant it
and dig it.
♪ I'm the girl
you're looking for ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm the girl
I'd be looking for ♪
♪ If I were you, baby, yeah. ♪
I used to like that song.
Well, call me
if you're interested.
MAN:
Pick up those feet, Alvarez!
Hands out of pockets, Boyer.
Pulaski, did I say
you could slouch?!
Those are the guys who spread
the instant mashed potato flakes
on the soccer field,
then set off the sprinklers.
"Slam-Bang" Pangborn will
probably put them in evil holds
he learned
when he was a pro wrestler.
Like the inverted
double gut wrench.
( grunting )
Their detention's
going to be brutal.
Yeah, but it's proof
they took a risk.
Sure they're paying the price,
but they've lived
on the edge.
Not me.
I make safe, boring choices.
Not so boring.
You got your lactose-free
cottage cheese,
your white bread
with the crust sliced off,
your, uh...
vanilla ice cream...
See? I'm vanilla.
Crustless, vanilla Finster.
I was going to get
the chocolate mango swirl bar,
but no, I chickened out
at the last minute.
Story of my life.
Actually, Chuckie,
you usually chicken out
the first minute,
but hey, be tight with that.
But I want to be tight
with a different Chuckie.
The Chuck--
a Chuck who takes risks.
A Chuck who flirts with...
danger.
I'm going to
start messing up.
You with me, Tom?
( machine clicking )
Well, I've crunched
and re-crunched the numbers,
Betty,
and technically speaking,
unless we bring in
more customers,
we're toast.
What you need is a gimmick--
like weight machines.
( gasping ):
The Glutinator 8000.
Been using it
three times a week.
Go ahead, pop a cup of Joe
on top of that puppy.
It won't spill a drop.
Oh, uh, thanks, uh...
If you really want
to fill this joint,
hold a talent night.
People love to
be entertained.
You want to pack them in,
you need to introduce
a great undiscovered singer,
who, by the way,
you've known since she was
practically in diapers.
Hmm... you're right!
We'll get
Susie Carmichael!
Huh! I was talking about me.
Great undiscovered singer-- me!
Oh. Well, uh, I suppose
we could put you on
before Susie.
Before?! I'm no opening act.
Yeah, but I don't think...
( grunting and yelling )
Have you cracked
your nut?
Well, actually, Betty,
I think it was my spine.
This is Angelica
you're dealing with.
You really want
to set her off?
Boss, if you put her on
before Susie,
there'll be no after.
Got it.
How about I put
you on after Susie?
Believe me, they'll be relieved
when I take the stage.
Nice work, Chas.
( quivering moan )
Oh, thanks.
Uh, Betty?
Would you mind taking me
to the emergency room...
again?
MR. CARMICHAEL:
A career as a pop singer?
Oh, Susie,
be realistic.
Your career choice
should be something
that puts all your
talents to use.
It does--
I sing, I dance,
and I think
I can really make it.
So do thousands of
girls, sweetheart.
But so much of it
is based on luck.
Look, Susie, it's not
like we don't think
you're a wonderful singer.
We just don't want you
to get hurt.
These are the years
you should be devoting
to your
academic talents--
you know, for a future
that will bring you success.
W-What if some talent agent
comes along
and says I have a future?
Oh, honey, we've
always supported
all that you've
wanted to do,
but I'm afraid
we have to insist
you focus your attention
on something more meaningful
and realistic
than being a pop star.
SUSIE:
So, you don't think
it's such a crazy idea?
No way; you're a
great singer, Susie.
Yeah, you totally rock.
For, like, around here.
What Philip means is
there are stars like you,
and stars like Emica.
You know-- Big Dipper,
Little Dipper.
( chuckling ):
Oh, so, basically,
you're saying
I'm a Little Dipper.
ANGELICA:
Emphasis on "dip."
Give it up, Susie.
If anyone's going
to be the next Emica,
it's going to be me.
I already have backup singers.
Oh, yeah,
and these guys.
I play electric guitar.
I got the dancing fingers.
Yeah, well, remember
to dance them
to rehearsal
tomorrow at 3:00.
And don't be late.
Lil?
Uh... she promised
she'd introduce me to cute boys.
Phil?
Blackmail, pure and simple.
Don't sweat it,
girlfriend.
If anyone has what
it takes, it's you,
Big Dipper.
You got that right.
( growling softly )
( slimy gushing sound )
Ow!
Ow-ow-ow!
Ow!
People?!
I've got an entire
basketball team
hopping on one foot.
Even if it takes
the rest of the school term,
I'll find
those sneaker snatchers!
This is it, Tommy.
We're going down.
No, wait, Chuckie.
( sniffing )
I smell fear.
That's right--
smell it!
( screaming )
So no one should think they
can put one over on Slam-Bang.
Phew! Man, that was close.
Yeah, but not close enough.
I'm taking this bad boy
as far as he'll go.
( kids chanting ):
Susie, Susie, Susie, Susie,
Susie, Susie, Susie, Susie,
Susie, Susie, Susie, Susie...
( ringing )
Beverly?
It's Susie Carmichael.
When can you start
making me a star?
( Susie singing )
♪ The road'll zig,
the road'll zag ♪
♪ And, baby,
that ain't all bad... ♪
( tape rolling back )
( sighing )
Much better.
You are the quickest quick study
I've ever repped.
Well, when I want something,
I want it.
By the way,
who have you repped?
Only the best, and
let me tell you,
I think you're going
to be one of them.
Listen, I didn't
want to tell you yet,
but I have some people
from Pouty Girl Records
who want to hear you sing.
Get out.
The Pouty Girl Records?!
Do things always happen
this fast?
Oh, they do when someone
is as talented and hardworking
as you are.
Oh, this is
a dream come true!
Do you know,
my parents didn't believe...
Now, Susie, you do know
things like this don't
pay for themselves.
There's a studio to rent
and musicians to hire...
( laughing ):
Oh, oh, of course-- I know.
So, I'm going to need $1,000.
Wow! Where are you going
to get it?
From you.
I-I'm going to need
$1,000 from you.
$1,000?
I know it seems like
a lot of money now,
but once you get
your record deal,
you'll be a huge star,
and trust me, money
will not be an issue.
Uh... we...
Look, if you're not
ready, that's okay.
I'll just... cancel.
No!
No, I'll get the money.
( bell chimes three times )
WOMAN ON P.A.:
Due to recent
hallway disagreements,
Assistant Principal Pangborn
will be sponsoring
a mediation session
called "Meeting in the Middle."
Please assemble
in the courtyard,
where you'll all meet
in the middle.
( growling )
$1,000?!
Uh-huh,
and I can't ask my parents.
There's no way
I can earn that much money.
I've got $100 saved
I could loan you.
That'll pay for
a drumstick or two.
Hey, isn't your sister
looking to buy a house?
Yeah... so?
She's got money!
She's got money!
She needs it today
so she can rent the studio
and hire the musicians.
Why don't you ask Mom and...?
They are so not down with this.
Come on, Alisa.
I promise I'll
pay you back
every penny,
plus interest
as soon as I get
this record deal.
Record deal?
You still have to audition.
But they're going to
love me, I know it.
Susie, you do realize
how long Ty and I
have been saving to buy a house?
Not as long
as I've been your sister
who has never asked
you for a single thing
in her whole life.
Huh.
What about...?
O-Okay, a couple of things,
but nothing this important.
Oh, all right.
But Mom, Dad and Ty
never find out
I'm doing this, okay?
Come on,
before the bank closes.
( chuckling )
You still got that
sequined halter top?
Don't press
your luck, girl.
Come on, Chuck--
how long does it take
to copy
your butt?
I wasn't sure if I was letter
or legal size.
( machine stops )
Tommy, is it me
or does this mole
look like Phil?
I'll take your
word for it.
Let's get out of here.
Oh, this is so great!
Pangborn's going to freak
when he looks up and sees
this hanging on his wall
instead of his diploma.
That's the plan?
No way, Chuck.
Posting your butt as today's
lunch special is one thing
but breaking into
Pangborn's office
is taking this prank thing
to a whole other level.
Exactly.
Isn't it awesome?
So close to getting caught
but free to carry on!
Always one step ahead
of Slam-Bang!
I've never felt so alive!
( low growling outside door )
We're dead.
Perfect.
Oh, it'll be worth
every penny.
You'll see.
I've never been
this excited.
Well, you should be.
'Cause this is
your last day
as the old
Susie Carmichael.
Tomorrow, your life is going
to change forever.
( drums playing military tune )
PANGBORN:
So the whole point
was to take some risks
and break Chuck out of some
pathetic little rut he's in?
Uh, th-that's right, sir.
I-I figured he'd chicken out
before it got that far.
But I didn't!
So whatever you do,
don't go easy on us.
Ha, ha.
Good one, Chuckie.
Pickles!
Did I say you
could talk again?
Those slightly irregular
basketball shoes
and low-fat soft serve ice cream
were school property.
Not to mention the abuse
of school equipment
to photocopy your devil
hindquarters.
Holy moly,
that looks like Phil DeVille!
I thought so, too.
Silence!
Now what gruesome,
painful punishment can I...?
Oopsy.
( baby talk ):
You don't want to get
accidentally squished
by mean Mr. Tape Dispenser,
now, do you?
What, what, what?
You never seen compassion
for animals before?
( growls ):
Now.
Where was I?
( cracks knuckles )
You were going to lay
a gruesome, painful punishment
on us.
Might I suggest the
Spinning Cobra Clutch
or the Gorilla Press?
"Oopsy"?
"Mean Mr. Tape Dispenser"?
Oh... aah... all right,
all right, you caught me.
Maybe I have
this whole other side
yearning to take risks, too.
Thanks for the update.
Now, about
the Spinning Cobra Clutch.
People think I'm this evil,
magnificent wrestling dude,
but... there are things
about me
that no one knows.
Like the fact that I spend
my nights
curled up by the fireside
writing my poetry.
What?
He means, "We
love poetry."
Do not!
You guys want to hear some?
No! I want to limp out of here
in a neck brace!
I call this one
"Sugar Rainbows."
Sugar rainbows,
sparkle in the light
As leprechauns giggle
in their green tights
I sit at one end,
and hold my pot of gold
Which turns out
to be all the smart things
I've been told.
What do you think?
Well, it's, uh, like,
nothing I've ever heard.
You really think it's that good?
Uh, totally.
In fact, uh, you should
perform some of it
at Chuck's dad's coffee
shop talent night.
Really?!
Tommy!
No, they'll... love this stuff.
Well, Finster, tell your folks
to book me in.
Not until I'm twisted up
like a Bavarian pretzel
howling for mercy.
Redheaded freckle boy
crying out for attention
Though all that he wanted
was a little detention.
You're a little young
to be renting it,
don't you think?
I'm supposed to be meeting
someone here.
Beverly Jones.
I have a singing audition
for a record company
at this address. See?
Record company?
Aah, geez, not again.
SHOPKEEPER:
Sorry to tell you this, kid,
but there's never been
a record company here.
This place has been empty
for months.
You want I should call
your mom and dad?
Oh... man.
( door closing )
It was killing me to wait
but I didn't want to jinx it
by showing up too soon.
Cute top.
So, how'd it go?
Were tons of people there?
Did they sign you to, like,
a 20-year contract?
It didn't.
There weren't.
No.
Okay, like,
please make some sense.
I let someone talk me into
thinking I had talent
but what she was really trying
to do
was talk me out of
a thousand dollars.
( gasps )
Which she did!
No one showed up.
No one!
There was never
any record deal!
I got conned, okay?
( crying )
Oh, no.
And she sure picked
the perfect person.
I was just talented enough
for her to trick me
into believing
I actually had what it took
to make it big.
You still do.
She took enough money
for one serious shopping spree
but she didn't take
your talent.
You'll feel better
when you sing tonight.
I am not singing tonight!
Maybe not ever again!
ALISA:
I should have gone with you.
I should have checked
this woman out.
I promise,
I'll pay you back all the money.
The money?
Susie, worse things
could've happened to you
than just losing
a thousand dollars, okay?
You hang out
with someone you
don't even know
say yes to whatever
she asks you to do?
She could've taken it
a lot further
than she did.
Think about it!
Listen, as far
as the money goes,
how about you pay me back
in a thousand
easy installments?
Thanks, Alisa.
Well, at least you learned
your lesson
before this singing thing
totally messed you up.
Now you can get on with
the important
things in life.
But singing is an important
thing in my life.
I know.
And it's a great hobby.
Hobby?
Singing isn't just
some knitting needle,
book clubbing thing
I do in my spare time.
It's who I am.
It's what I've always wanted.
And... and still do.
And I'm not going to let
some con artist
in a fake designer suit
stop me.
Now,
if you'll excuse me
I have a gig.
Dig?
CHAS:
And, uh...
( microphone feedback )
did you hear what one eye said
to the other?
Don't look now,
but something between us smells.
( Chas laughing )
( woman coughing )
Smells.
Nose.
Is this... is this...
is this mike on?
( microphone feedback )
PANGBORN:
And the froggies slithered
Into my hat
( audience snoring )
My hat on my head
Where the froggies
just dithered.
( audience booing )
( booing )
Ah, give the guy a break.
Hey, he's not giving me
a break.
( audience booing )
PANGBORN:
Sugar rainbows...
Where's Susie?
She should've
been here by now.
Talk about unprofessional.
Face it,
you're looking at
your warm-up act
and headliner.
( audience booing )
Chas, you got to get him
off the stage
before furniture starts
a-flyin'.
You don't think they'd throw
furniture at him, do you?
Are you nuts?
That's Slam-Bang Pangborn!
He'd throw it at them.
( booing )
Hey!
( growling )
Uh, Mr. Slam-Bang, sir?
Would you mind step...?
...off the stage?
( bones cracking )
Take your mitts off that brave
and gentle distributor
of caffeinated beverages,
you big galoot!
( Pangborn grunting )
Let's go.
( audience yelling )
ANGELICA:
One, two,
three, four!
( off-key ):
♪ Can't help it, boy ♪
♪ My heart's got call waiting ♪
♪ Don't want you to be ♪
♪ The only one I'm dating ♪
♪ Oops, got to put you on hold ♪
♪ Oops!
Got to put you on hold ♪
( audience booing )
♪ And when our cars ♪
♪ Went bump, bump, baby ♪
( audience booing )
Oh, I knew you'd come.
She didn't steal my talent,
right?
No, but someone stole hers.
♪ ♪
♪ And when our cars ♪
♪ Went bump, bump, baby ♪
♪ My heart went thump, thump,
baby! ♪
Aah... ouch!
( music stops )
( audience booing )
BOY:
That's it, come on.
We want our money back.
Give us our money back.
Get up there before
she incites a riot.
( audience yelling )
( up-beat music playing )
♪ ♪
♪ I was feeling real shattered ♪
♪ But my dreams,
they still matter ♪
♪ So if you think I'm going ♪
♪ Baby, you're wrong ♪
♪ I'm so strong ♪
♪ 'Cause there's
no getting rid of this dream ♪
♪ No, no ♪
♪ No getting rid of it ♪
♪ How can I tell you
what I mean? ♪
♪ How can I tell you? ♪
♪ Sure, I took the wrong path ♪
♪ Mm-hmm ♪
♪ But then I did
some new math... ♪
Sorry things didn't
work out, sir.
So, I guess it's time to be
an evil wrestling
dude again, huh?
Ah, my naive friend.
And to think the new me
is all your doing.
Well, I want to thank you.
You inspired me to reveal
the inner poetic me
with your whole dumb
risk taking thing.
Huh?
Which reminds me,
tomorrow you hoodlums
will be chiseling off
the dried glue
from the boys' room ceiling!
( Pangborn growling )
That's it?
No Spinning Toe Hold?
No Figure-Four Leg Lock?
You've got to be kidding me.
You haven't gotten this danger
thing out of your system?
Not a chance.
I'm not finished
flirting with danger
and it's not finished
flirting with me!
Oh, great.
What's next, robbing a bank?
Something even
more dangerous.
I am going to walk right up
to Marcie Mazerez
and say...
( squeaks ):
"Hi."
♪ There's no getting rid
of this dream ♪
♪ No getting rid of it ♪
♪ 'Cause there's getting rid
of this dream ♪
♪ No, no ♪
♪ No getting rid of it ♪
♪ How can I tell you
what I mean? ♪
♪ How can I tell you? ♪
♪ I'm the girl
you're lookin' for ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm the girl
I'd be lookin' for ♪
♪ If I were you, baby, yeah... ♪
( dogs barking )
Quiet!
( dogs stop barking )
Everybody's a critic.
( dogs barking and howling )
BOY:
♪ Four, three, two one! ♪
( rock music plays )
♪ Every birthday,
my mom and dad would say ♪
♪ You're another older,
another year wiser ♪
♪ But I still go to school,
to get an education ♪
♪ I take each
and every day ♪
♪ Like a mini vacation ♪
♪ All grown up ♪
♪ I really want
to shout it out ♪
♪ All grown up ♪
♪ I want the world to know ♪
♪ All grown up ♪
♪ I really want
to shout it out ♪
♪ All grown up ♪
♪ With you ♪
♪ All grown up with... you! ♪
♪ Oh, say, does that star
spangled banner yet wave ♪
♪ O'er the land of the free,
and the home of the brave? ♪
Hang it up, Susie.
You sound like Fluffy
the day after
she licked the tinsel
off the Christmas tree.
( chuckling ):
Oh, that's so sweet...
Screech-elica.
WOMAN:
That is some voice
you have.
I'm Beverly Jones.
I manage singing talent.
It's a little rough
around the edges,
but you definitely
have something there.
Are you repped?
Thanks. Uh, "repped"?
You know,
d-do you have an agent?
Well, no, but...
If you're looking
for real talent,
plant it
and dig it.
♪ I'm the girl
you're looking for ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm the girl
I'd be looking for ♪
♪ If I were you, baby, yeah. ♪
I used to like that song.
Well, call me
if you're interested.
MAN:
Pick up those feet, Alvarez!
Hands out of pockets, Boyer.
Pulaski, did I say
you could slouch?!
Those are the guys who spread
the instant mashed potato flakes
on the soccer field,
then set off the sprinklers.
"Slam-Bang" Pangborn will
probably put them in evil holds
he learned
when he was a pro wrestler.
Like the inverted
double gut wrench.
( grunting )
Their detention's
going to be brutal.
Yeah, but it's proof
they took a risk.
Sure they're paying the price,
but they've lived
on the edge.
Not me.
I make safe, boring choices.
Not so boring.
You got your lactose-free
cottage cheese,
your white bread
with the crust sliced off,
your, uh...
vanilla ice cream...
See? I'm vanilla.
Crustless, vanilla Finster.
I was going to get
the chocolate mango swirl bar,
but no, I chickened out
at the last minute.
Story of my life.
Actually, Chuckie,
you usually chicken out
the first minute,
but hey, be tight with that.
But I want to be tight
with a different Chuckie.
The Chuck--
a Chuck who takes risks.
A Chuck who flirts with...
danger.
I'm going to
start messing up.
You with me, Tom?
( machine clicking )
Well, I've crunched
and re-crunched the numbers,
Betty,
and technically speaking,
unless we bring in
more customers,
we're toast.
What you need is a gimmick--
like weight machines.
( gasping ):
The Glutinator 8000.
Been using it
three times a week.
Go ahead, pop a cup of Joe
on top of that puppy.
It won't spill a drop.
Oh, uh, thanks, uh...
If you really want
to fill this joint,
hold a talent night.
People love to
be entertained.
You want to pack them in,
you need to introduce
a great undiscovered singer,
who, by the way,
you've known since she was
practically in diapers.
Hmm... you're right!
We'll get
Susie Carmichael!
Huh! I was talking about me.
Great undiscovered singer-- me!
Oh. Well, uh, I suppose
we could put you on
before Susie.
Before?! I'm no opening act.
Yeah, but I don't think...
( grunting and yelling )
Have you cracked
your nut?
Well, actually, Betty,
I think it was my spine.
This is Angelica
you're dealing with.
You really want
to set her off?
Boss, if you put her on
before Susie,
there'll be no after.
Got it.
How about I put
you on after Susie?
Believe me, they'll be relieved
when I take the stage.
Nice work, Chas.
( quivering moan )
Oh, thanks.
Uh, Betty?
Would you mind taking me
to the emergency room...
again?
MR. CARMICHAEL:
A career as a pop singer?
Oh, Susie,
be realistic.
Your career choice
should be something
that puts all your
talents to use.
It does--
I sing, I dance,
and I think
I can really make it.
So do thousands of
girls, sweetheart.
But so much of it
is based on luck.
Look, Susie, it's not
like we don't think
you're a wonderful singer.
We just don't want you
to get hurt.
These are the years
you should be devoting
to your
academic talents--
you know, for a future
that will bring you success.
W-What if some talent agent
comes along
and says I have a future?
Oh, honey, we've
always supported
all that you've
wanted to do,
but I'm afraid
we have to insist
you focus your attention
on something more meaningful
and realistic
than being a pop star.
SUSIE:
So, you don't think
it's such a crazy idea?
No way; you're a
great singer, Susie.
Yeah, you totally rock.
For, like, around here.
What Philip means is
there are stars like you,
and stars like Emica.
You know-- Big Dipper,
Little Dipper.
( chuckling ):
Oh, so, basically,
you're saying
I'm a Little Dipper.
ANGELICA:
Emphasis on "dip."
Give it up, Susie.
If anyone's going
to be the next Emica,
it's going to be me.
I already have backup singers.
Oh, yeah,
and these guys.
I play electric guitar.
I got the dancing fingers.
Yeah, well, remember
to dance them
to rehearsal
tomorrow at 3:00.
And don't be late.
Lil?
Uh... she promised
she'd introduce me to cute boys.
Phil?
Blackmail, pure and simple.
Don't sweat it,
girlfriend.
If anyone has what
it takes, it's you,
Big Dipper.
You got that right.
( growling softly )
( slimy gushing sound )
Ow!
Ow-ow-ow!
Ow!
People?!
I've got an entire
basketball team
hopping on one foot.
Even if it takes
the rest of the school term,
I'll find
those sneaker snatchers!
This is it, Tommy.
We're going down.
No, wait, Chuckie.
( sniffing )
I smell fear.
That's right--
smell it!
( screaming )
So no one should think they
can put one over on Slam-Bang.
Phew! Man, that was close.
Yeah, but not close enough.
I'm taking this bad boy
as far as he'll go.
( kids chanting ):
Susie, Susie, Susie, Susie,
Susie, Susie, Susie, Susie,
Susie, Susie, Susie, Susie...
( ringing )
Beverly?
It's Susie Carmichael.
When can you start
making me a star?
( Susie singing )
♪ The road'll zig,
the road'll zag ♪
♪ And, baby,
that ain't all bad... ♪
( tape rolling back )
( sighing )
Much better.
You are the quickest quick study
I've ever repped.
Well, when I want something,
I want it.
By the way,
who have you repped?
Only the best, and
let me tell you,
I think you're going
to be one of them.
Listen, I didn't
want to tell you yet,
but I have some people
from Pouty Girl Records
who want to hear you sing.
Get out.
The Pouty Girl Records?!
Do things always happen
this fast?
Oh, they do when someone
is as talented and hardworking
as you are.
Oh, this is
a dream come true!
Do you know,
my parents didn't believe...
Now, Susie, you do know
things like this don't
pay for themselves.
There's a studio to rent
and musicians to hire...
( laughing ):
Oh, oh, of course-- I know.
So, I'm going to need $1,000.
Wow! Where are you going
to get it?
From you.
I-I'm going to need
$1,000 from you.
$1,000?
I know it seems like
a lot of money now,
but once you get
your record deal,
you'll be a huge star,
and trust me, money
will not be an issue.
Uh... we...
Look, if you're not
ready, that's okay.
I'll just... cancel.
No!
No, I'll get the money.
( bell chimes three times )
WOMAN ON P.A.:
Due to recent
hallway disagreements,
Assistant Principal Pangborn
will be sponsoring
a mediation session
called "Meeting in the Middle."
Please assemble
in the courtyard,
where you'll all meet
in the middle.
( growling )
$1,000?!
Uh-huh,
and I can't ask my parents.
There's no way
I can earn that much money.
I've got $100 saved
I could loan you.
That'll pay for
a drumstick or two.
Hey, isn't your sister
looking to buy a house?
Yeah... so?
She's got money!
She's got money!
She needs it today
so she can rent the studio
and hire the musicians.
Why don't you ask Mom and...?
They are so not down with this.
Come on, Alisa.
I promise I'll
pay you back
every penny,
plus interest
as soon as I get
this record deal.
Record deal?
You still have to audition.
But they're going to
love me, I know it.
Susie, you do realize
how long Ty and I
have been saving to buy a house?
Not as long
as I've been your sister
who has never asked
you for a single thing
in her whole life.
Huh.
What about...?
O-Okay, a couple of things,
but nothing this important.
Oh, all right.
But Mom, Dad and Ty
never find out
I'm doing this, okay?
Come on,
before the bank closes.
( chuckling )
You still got that
sequined halter top?
Don't press
your luck, girl.
Come on, Chuck--
how long does it take
to copy
your butt?
I wasn't sure if I was letter
or legal size.
( machine stops )
Tommy, is it me
or does this mole
look like Phil?
I'll take your
word for it.
Let's get out of here.
Oh, this is so great!
Pangborn's going to freak
when he looks up and sees
this hanging on his wall
instead of his diploma.
That's the plan?
No way, Chuck.
Posting your butt as today's
lunch special is one thing
but breaking into
Pangborn's office
is taking this prank thing
to a whole other level.
Exactly.
Isn't it awesome?
So close to getting caught
but free to carry on!
Always one step ahead
of Slam-Bang!
I've never felt so alive!
( low growling outside door )
We're dead.
Perfect.
Oh, it'll be worth
every penny.
You'll see.
I've never been
this excited.
Well, you should be.
'Cause this is
your last day
as the old
Susie Carmichael.
Tomorrow, your life is going
to change forever.
( drums playing military tune )
PANGBORN:
So the whole point
was to take some risks
and break Chuck out of some
pathetic little rut he's in?
Uh, th-that's right, sir.
I-I figured he'd chicken out
before it got that far.
But I didn't!
So whatever you do,
don't go easy on us.
Ha, ha.
Good one, Chuckie.
Pickles!
Did I say you
could talk again?
Those slightly irregular
basketball shoes
and low-fat soft serve ice cream
were school property.
Not to mention the abuse
of school equipment
to photocopy your devil
hindquarters.
Holy moly,
that looks like Phil DeVille!
I thought so, too.
Silence!
Now what gruesome,
painful punishment can I...?
Oopsy.
( baby talk ):
You don't want to get
accidentally squished
by mean Mr. Tape Dispenser,
now, do you?
What, what, what?
You never seen compassion
for animals before?
( growls ):
Now.
Where was I?
( cracks knuckles )
You were going to lay
a gruesome, painful punishment
on us.
Might I suggest the
Spinning Cobra Clutch
or the Gorilla Press?
"Oopsy"?
"Mean Mr. Tape Dispenser"?
Oh... aah... all right,
all right, you caught me.
Maybe I have
this whole other side
yearning to take risks, too.
Thanks for the update.
Now, about
the Spinning Cobra Clutch.
People think I'm this evil,
magnificent wrestling dude,
but... there are things
about me
that no one knows.
Like the fact that I spend
my nights
curled up by the fireside
writing my poetry.
What?
He means, "We
love poetry."
Do not!
You guys want to hear some?
No! I want to limp out of here
in a neck brace!
I call this one
"Sugar Rainbows."
Sugar rainbows,
sparkle in the light
As leprechauns giggle
in their green tights
I sit at one end,
and hold my pot of gold
Which turns out
to be all the smart things
I've been told.
What do you think?
Well, it's, uh, like,
nothing I've ever heard.
You really think it's that good?
Uh, totally.
In fact, uh, you should
perform some of it
at Chuck's dad's coffee
shop talent night.
Really?!
Tommy!
No, they'll... love this stuff.
Well, Finster, tell your folks
to book me in.
Not until I'm twisted up
like a Bavarian pretzel
howling for mercy.
Redheaded freckle boy
crying out for attention
Though all that he wanted
was a little detention.
You're a little young
to be renting it,
don't you think?
I'm supposed to be meeting
someone here.
Beverly Jones.
I have a singing audition
for a record company
at this address. See?
Record company?
Aah, geez, not again.
SHOPKEEPER:
Sorry to tell you this, kid,
but there's never been
a record company here.
This place has been empty
for months.
You want I should call
your mom and dad?
Oh... man.
( door closing )
It was killing me to wait
but I didn't want to jinx it
by showing up too soon.
Cute top.
So, how'd it go?
Were tons of people there?
Did they sign you to, like,
a 20-year contract?
It didn't.
There weren't.
No.
Okay, like,
please make some sense.
I let someone talk me into
thinking I had talent
but what she was really trying
to do
was talk me out of
a thousand dollars.
( gasps )
Which she did!
No one showed up.
No one!
There was never
any record deal!
I got conned, okay?
( crying )
Oh, no.
And she sure picked
the perfect person.
I was just talented enough
for her to trick me
into believing
I actually had what it took
to make it big.
You still do.
She took enough money
for one serious shopping spree
but she didn't take
your talent.
You'll feel better
when you sing tonight.
I am not singing tonight!
Maybe not ever again!
ALISA:
I should have gone with you.
I should have checked
this woman out.
I promise,
I'll pay you back all the money.
The money?
Susie, worse things
could've happened to you
than just losing
a thousand dollars, okay?
You hang out
with someone you
don't even know
say yes to whatever
she asks you to do?
She could've taken it
a lot further
than she did.
Think about it!
Listen, as far
as the money goes,
how about you pay me back
in a thousand
easy installments?
Thanks, Alisa.
Well, at least you learned
your lesson
before this singing thing
totally messed you up.
Now you can get on with
the important
things in life.
But singing is an important
thing in my life.
I know.
And it's a great hobby.
Hobby?
Singing isn't just
some knitting needle,
book clubbing thing
I do in my spare time.
It's who I am.
It's what I've always wanted.
And... and still do.
And I'm not going to let
some con artist
in a fake designer suit
stop me.
Now,
if you'll excuse me
I have a gig.
Dig?
CHAS:
And, uh...
( microphone feedback )
did you hear what one eye said
to the other?
Don't look now,
but something between us smells.
( Chas laughing )
( woman coughing )
Smells.
Nose.
Is this... is this...
is this mike on?
( microphone feedback )
PANGBORN:
And the froggies slithered
Into my hat
( audience snoring )
My hat on my head
Where the froggies
just dithered.
( audience booing )
( booing )
Ah, give the guy a break.
Hey, he's not giving me
a break.
( audience booing )
PANGBORN:
Sugar rainbows...
Where's Susie?
She should've
been here by now.
Talk about unprofessional.
Face it,
you're looking at
your warm-up act
and headliner.
( audience booing )
Chas, you got to get him
off the stage
before furniture starts
a-flyin'.
You don't think they'd throw
furniture at him, do you?
Are you nuts?
That's Slam-Bang Pangborn!
He'd throw it at them.
( booing )
Hey!
( growling )
Uh, Mr. Slam-Bang, sir?
Would you mind step...?
...off the stage?
( bones cracking )
Take your mitts off that brave
and gentle distributor
of caffeinated beverages,
you big galoot!
( Pangborn grunting )
Let's go.
( audience yelling )
ANGELICA:
One, two,
three, four!
( off-key ):
♪ Can't help it, boy ♪
♪ My heart's got call waiting ♪
♪ Don't want you to be ♪
♪ The only one I'm dating ♪
♪ Oops, got to put you on hold ♪
♪ Oops!
Got to put you on hold ♪
( audience booing )
♪ And when our cars ♪
♪ Went bump, bump, baby ♪
( audience booing )
Oh, I knew you'd come.
She didn't steal my talent,
right?
No, but someone stole hers.
♪ ♪
♪ And when our cars ♪
♪ Went bump, bump, baby ♪
♪ My heart went thump, thump,
baby! ♪
Aah... ouch!
( music stops )
( audience booing )
BOY:
That's it, come on.
We want our money back.
Give us our money back.
Get up there before
she incites a riot.
( audience yelling )
( up-beat music playing )
♪ ♪
♪ I was feeling real shattered ♪
♪ But my dreams,
they still matter ♪
♪ So if you think I'm going ♪
♪ Baby, you're wrong ♪
♪ I'm so strong ♪
♪ 'Cause there's
no getting rid of this dream ♪
♪ No, no ♪
♪ No getting rid of it ♪
♪ How can I tell you
what I mean? ♪
♪ How can I tell you? ♪
♪ Sure, I took the wrong path ♪
♪ Mm-hmm ♪
♪ But then I did
some new math... ♪
Sorry things didn't
work out, sir.
So, I guess it's time to be
an evil wrestling
dude again, huh?
Ah, my naive friend.
And to think the new me
is all your doing.
Well, I want to thank you.
You inspired me to reveal
the inner poetic me
with your whole dumb
risk taking thing.
Huh?
Which reminds me,
tomorrow you hoodlums
will be chiseling off
the dried glue
from the boys' room ceiling!
( Pangborn growling )
That's it?
No Spinning Toe Hold?
No Figure-Four Leg Lock?
You've got to be kidding me.
You haven't gotten this danger
thing out of your system?
Not a chance.
I'm not finished
flirting with danger
and it's not finished
flirting with me!
Oh, great.
What's next, robbing a bank?
Something even
more dangerous.
I am going to walk right up
to Marcie Mazerez
and say...
( squeaks ):
"Hi."
♪ There's no getting rid
of this dream ♪
♪ No getting rid of it ♪
♪ 'Cause there's getting rid
of this dream ♪
♪ No, no ♪
♪ No getting rid of it ♪
♪ How can I tell you
what I mean? ♪
♪ How can I tell you? ♪