All Creatures Great and Small (1978–1990): Season 6, Episode 3 - The Call of the Wild - full transcript

Mr. Buchanan!
Mr. Buchanan!

Hello, George.
I'm taking my breakfast
on the run this morning.

I've got it!

- You've got what?
- Your "veterinary record."

Oh, good.

Well, this one's got
your article in it,
hasn't it?

You know,
on foreign wildlife.

Oh, you're right.
It probably has.

You said it'd be
last week or this,

- And it weren't
in last, were it?
- No, it wasn't.

Let's have a look.

Oh, mr. Buchanan,
in black and white.

May I have a look,
if you don't mind?

Keep it if you like.
We each get our own copy
in the surgery,

- So I'll borrow
one of the others.
- Nay, you can't mean that.

I do.
Here you are.

Right.
Sorry, George.
I must dash.

There's a calf due
up at Margadale.

I'll see you
later, eh?

"'north american
wild animals,'

By Calum Buchanan."

- Morning.
- Hello, James.

Oh, is Calum's
article in it?

Well, is it?

Good heavens.
Look at his name.
Huge print, isn't it?

- Is it, James?
I honestly didn't notice.
- Almost the whole page.

Well, I only
had time to skim
through it.

Extremely well written,
Siegfried.

He'll be a household name
in every practice in
great britain, won't he?

- Yes, it is
very good, James.
- Mm!

But don't you find it
the slightest bit galling

That a veterinary assistant
should have an entire
article published,

Whereas you and I have never
even had the slightest mention

In that blessed
publication?

Siegfried, have you
ever submitted an article to
this "blessed publication"?

No, I haven't, but--

I think it
reflects very well
on the whole practice.

Of course it does.
That goes without saying.

I'm extremely proud of him.
It's just that--

It's just what?

Oh, you've
read it, then?

Well, tell me,
what do you think?

Good god, Calum, do you think
we've got nothing better
to do with our time

Than to read every line
of the "record"?

Oh.

Well, I've only just
got in, myself.

Haven't even had time
to read the, uh, "beano."

Oh, I see.

( phone ringing )

I suppose it falls
to the less literary
members of this practice

To attend to such
menial tasks
as the telephone.

Thank you, James.

Don't worry, Calum.
We'll get around to it.

- Darrowby-385.
- I'm sure it's a very
fine piece of work.

- I hope you'll think so.
- Do our best. Bye, mrs. Bond.

I'm sure we'll get a chance
to glance through it during
the next couple of days.

Well now, Calum,
if you've had your fill

Of otters and lemmings
and god alone knows what,

Perhaps it's time
you turned your attention

To animalis domesticus
britannicus.

Pardon?

I suppose even shakespeare
had little latin
and less greek.

The british
domestic animal--
in this case,

- The cat.
- Of course. Mrs. Bond.

Who's mrs. Bond?

She's a magnificent
woman, Calum.

Absolutely.

Femina magnificat…

Et Felix insanus.

Mm. She is also
inordinately fond

Of cats of all
descriptions.

- And temperaments.
- Uh, yes, thank you, James.

It's precisely because
of your inability to handle
things solo in the past

That I'm requesting Calum
to accompany me this morning.

Mrs. Bond has made it
abundantly clear that
she requires

The physical reassurance
of two vets before she's
prepared to let

The practice loose again
on her beloved menagerie.

Yes, of course.
Did she say how
Boris was?

James, how many times
do I have to tell you?
Boris is dead.

Oh!
I keep forgetting.

- Who's Boris?
- James: Oh, her monster
of a Tom.

Mrs. Bond has two types
of cats, you see:

The tamer indoor ones
and the wilder
outdoor ones.

And Boris…
He was the wildest.

He looked more
like a panther.

Almost had Siegfried's eye
out on several occasions.

I don't think
there's much point in
going into that, James.

- Calum, are you ready?
- Festinamus ad periculum
instanta.

One more thing,
Calum.

When you go in,
take a very deep breath.

The aroma, you see:
Boiling tripe

Mingled with the spray
of unneutered toms…
It's intoxicating.

Thank you, James.

( humming )

- Calum:
What a spectacular place.
- Siegfried: Isn't it?

Pity its inhabitants
don't live up to it.

Don't take any notice
of what James says.

It's just that he's had
one or two unfortunate
experiences here.

I've always found that if
you treat both client and
patient with courtesy,

Success will
undoubtedly follow.

( bell ringing )

Oh. There you are,
at last.

I was expecting you
sooner than this.

Good day to you,
mrs. Bond.

- And this charming
little creature is--
- ( snarls )

Mrs. Bond, may I
introduce my colleague,
Calum Buchanan?

How do you do,
mrs. Bond?

That rather remains
to be seen, young man.

I can't
stand here talking all day.
You'd better come in.

- ( man talking on radio )
- ( cats meowing )

Siegfried:
Good morning, mr. Bond.
A nice soft morning.

- This is Calum Buchanan.
- Calum: Hello.

Right, mrs. Bond.
Where's the patient?

Here he is,
mr. Farnon.

Felix is one of
my outside boys.

He will get
into these fights.

- Let's have a look.
- ( snarls )

Oh, it's a torn ear.

- Is that it?
- Yes.

Well, we'll soon see
to that, mrs. Bond.

- Um…
- They're over there.

( cat yowling )

Thank you, mrs. Bond.

Excuse me,
pussycat.

Now then, Calum,
I know that
wrapping up cats

With external injuries
to stop them struggling,

Leaving the affected part
uncovered for treatment

Is a very old method,
but I do rather
pride myself

That it's a method
which I've brought

To a degree
of perfection.

All right then,
Felix.

Good fellow.

I call this
my winding sheet.

( singing quietly )

( Felix growling )

( hisses, struggling )

It works very well.

James:
There you are, Janet.
He'll be fine now.

- Thank you.
- It's a pleasure.
Bye.

- Morning.
- Morning.

- Like to go through?
- Thank you.

- Well, what a smashing dog.
- He is, isn't he?

- Mm.
- Name of Shep.
And I'm Barbara Hazlitt.

And I'm James Herriot.
Pleased to meet you.

So what's wrong
with you, old boy, eh?

There's nothing wrong
with him. It's me.
I want your advice.

Oh. I'll get you
a chair.

There we are.

Sit.
Thank you.

Well, how can I
help you, mrs. Hazlitt?

Ah. My ring.

My husband was killed
in a car crash

18 months ago.

He bought Shep
just before he died,

And Shep helped me
through a bad time.

Didn't you?

The worst
I've ever known.

We were living in Brawton,
which wasn't Shep's
style at all.

He was always trying
to round up pedestrians,

Cyclists,
even cars.

What he needed
was sheep.

So I put the house
on the market

And bought a small farm
with a few acres on the other
side of Darrowby.

- Feathercombe farm.
- Right, first time.

Shep and I only
moved in last week.

And you've done all this
for Shep's sake?

At the beginning,
yes.

But I'm beginning
to realize

It's exactly right for me too,
making a complete break
with the past.

Hmm.

Right. How can I
advise you?

Well, of course,
Shep's got to have his sheep.

Just a few.

But before I buy them,
I want to find out

If he's a properly-trained
sheepdog.

If he is, then I want
to learn the signals myself.

Do you know anyone
who could teach me?

Well, I'll, uh…
I'll have a think,
mrs. Hazlitt.

- ( meowing )
- quite a deep scratch,
mrs. Bond.

But it should mend
perfectly all right.

Tell you what, if you keep him
in the house, I'll take another
look at him in a week's time.

All right?
Now, I'm…

I'm going
to release him.

( purring )

Did the nasty man
hurt you, then?

- Good grief.
- Calum: What is it, Siegfried?

Boris!

My god, he's enormous.

But I thought
you said he was dead.

He is, he is.
Mrs. Bond,

He died last year,
and I buried him.

Of course you did,
mr. Farnon.

That's not Boris.
That's son of Boris.

Far worse than his father.
He is a real tyrant.

And I trust he's
in excellent health

At the moment,
mrs. Bond, is he?

Oh, yes.
Fit as a fiddle.

( softly )
well, thank god for that.

Helen:
What sort of wedding
did you have in mind?

Deirdre:
I really wanted
the actual wedding to be

A small, quiet affair,
but I've got a sneaking
suspicion

That Calum is secretly
hankering after a big event

With dozens of people
and lots of bubbly.

That's a slight reversal
of the usual roles.

If he is, why not
go along with it?

I probably will.

After you're married,
how do you see your future?

I'm not with you.

Calum's a very special
kind of person, isn't he?

I mean, will he still want
to stay on in the practice?

Goodness, yes.
We love it here.

You know how fond
we are of all of you,
and he loves the work.

Well, that is,
unless Siegfried
wants us out.

I think that's
highly unlikely.
Where's Calum now?

He's gone fishing.
When I told him we were
going to plan the wedding,

He asked very sweetly
if he had to come.
When I said no,

He got his rods out
and disappeared before
I could change my mind.

Very good. Right.
Let's get down to business.

- Now, when's the date?
- Well, I thought may.

- It's a beautiful month
to get married in.
- Good.

- Gives us two months.
- Mm.

I'll talk to the vicar.
How about the reception?

Oh, anywhere
but the drovers.

Well, there's the grand.

That would be great.
It's what Calum has
in mind anyway.

All right,
I'll book it.
Now, bridesmaids?

No, Helen, I really
want the actual wedding
to be quiet.

With dad dying,
I'm not sure mom's gonna
be strong enough--

No, I understand.
Of course.

Oh, I am so glad
that you and Calum will
be staying in Darrowby.

It means… It means
that we can have lots
of vets' wives' talks.

We do already.

Oh, you poor wee thing.

Where's your mother, eh?

( animal keening )

Don't worry.
I'll soon have you right.

Good Lord.

Now, where on earth…

James, I'm in
the most awful rush.

You haven't seen
that--

Chloroform muzzle
anywhere, have you?

What in the name
of god is that?

Nothing to do
with me, Siegfried.

I've only just got here.

It must be that damn boy!
I thought we'd cured him!

Not content with
wild animals on paper,

He's now bringing his
specimens into the surgery.

Ah, you're a genius.
Thank you, James.

- I don't even know what it is.
- It's obvious, James, isn't it?

Is it?
Well, it's obvious
it's dead.

Yes, I've managed
to ascertain that, James.

It's… It's…
What do you call it?
It's a polecat kitten?

Oh. Yes.

As our wildlife expert
will undoubtedly verify.

Calum!

- Calum!
- It is his day off,
you know?

That entitles him not only
to scour the countryside
for dead specimens,

But to leave them
in surgery until he returns
at god knows what hour?

He'll be back soon,
I expect.

I look forward
to discussing the finer points
of conservation with him then.

Goodbye, James.

- ( whimpering )
- right, my beauty.

Just put you in this,

Take you back
to the surgery.
You'll be all right there.

( door opens )

Oh, thanks, James.

- What is it?
- Just a minute.
Her supper.

Supper?
Calum--

What the hell's
going on?

Now, look here, Calum!
What in god's--

Oh, Siegfried, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have left it
in your way.

In my way?!

Good gracious,
Calum, whatever gave you
the slightest inkling

That I might wish
to enter this room?

It's obviously
ceased to be a surgery
and turned overnight

Into an aquarium.
Perhaps I should telephone
the editor of "the record."

Doubtless he'll wish
to run an entire series
of articles

On the precedence of predators
over domestic animals
in the north riding.

- Siegfried--
- just what is in
that crate, Calum?

- His mother, of course.
- His mother.

- Not the polecat?
- No, the otter.

Ah, of course!
It's an otter cub!

- And we thought
it was a polecat kitten.
- Whatever gave you that idea?

- Siegfried, actually.
- Well, Siegfried,

They are very difficult
to tell apart,

But if you look at the feet,
you see they're webbed.

Anybody can see
that they're webbed.
But polecats or otters,

Webbed or padded
has nothing to do
with the point at issue,

Which is, what are they
doing in the surgery?

- Well--
- I don't wish to hear
any explanation!

I just want them
out of here pronto,

Or you'll be searching
the pages of "the record"

For a wild-animal job
in north america!

- He didn't mean it.
- Well, maybe not, but…

That article's really
bothered him, hasn't it?

Yes, he was a bit miffed,
wasn't he?

What's the matter
with her?

Well, my guess is
she's aborted that cub early

And there's
another dead one
still inside her.

She's in
considerable pain.

- Would you help me
examine her, James?
- Absolutely.

( squealing )

There you go, lass.

Go on, go on.

That's right.

In you go.

So when's
the great day?

11th of may.
We only decided
last night.

Do I hear
wedding bells?

- Yes.
- Oh, splendid!

I hope it's gonna be
a big occasion!

Oh, I don't think
Calum will settle
for anything less.

Good for him.
I utterly enjoy
weddings.

Good. Because I'd like
to ask you to do me
a favor, Siegfried.

- Anything, anything.
- Will you give me away?

Oh my dear dear Deirdre.

I'm not only flattered
but enchanted.

It's only fair, James.
After all, I do regard myself

As the father figure
of this little alliance.

Yes, very properly.
Siegfried, one other
item on the agenda.

- What's that, James?
- Calum misses old tris
quite a lot,

I thought he could
be best man.

Tristan?
Well, he's in Ireland.

Well, he could pop over
for a couple of days.

Oh, I think
that's a wonderful idea.
You must be missing him too.

Well, I…
I suppose

We might get used
to each other again.

- What a lovely old place.
- Yes, it is, isn't it?

- He does know we're coming.
- It's all arranged.

He'll be here presently.
We're just a bit early,
mrs. Hazlitt, that's all.

- Please, call me Barbara.
- All right, Barbara.
You call me James.

I'm beginning to feel
quite nervous, James.

For yourself or for Shep?

- Both, I suppose.
- Well, there's no need to.

I've explained everything.

Either Shep can
do it or he can't.
We have to wait and see.

- What's mr. Skipton like?
- He's a living legend, really.

Pushing 70.
Tough as old boots.

He started off as
an uneducated laborer, and now
he's a very rich landowner.

Mind you, you'd never know
to look at him.

They say his poorest workers
live better than he does.

- Morning, mr. Herriot.
- This is mrs. Hazlitt.

Oh, how do,
young lady?

Now then,
you're a lively looking
young beggar.

- Shep.
- Shep, is it?

Well, Shep,
I've got some sheep
in t'back meadow for thee,

And you've me
to guide you--

That's if you've learned
your business.

Come on, Shep.
Here we are. Come on, boy.

Come on, boy.
Come on.

( whistles )

( whistling )

( whistling continues
throughout )

Shep! Shep, I knew
you could do it!
Good boy!

By god, she's gotten
a champion there.
Knows it all.

- Mr. Skipton, I can't
thank you enough.
- Oh.

- I want to ask you
the most tremendous favor.
- Aye?

Will you teach me
those signals?

Well, uh…

Has thou got
a whistle, lass?

( whistles loudly )

Oh. Well, that'll
do for starters.

- James.
- Yes. Hello, Calum.

- I've just been talking
to Tristan.
- Tristan?

- Uh-huh.
- Damn. I'd have liked
a word with him.

You know, I even
persuaded Deirdre
to honeymoon in Ireland

So we could clap eyes
on the old rogue
as soon as possible?

I thought you might
be able to tolerate him
in Yorkshire

For a couple of days--
say, around may 11th?

- Do you mean he's
coming to the wedding?
- Mm-hmm.

Wonderful.
It'd be great
to see him again.

I even dared suggest
you might find it
in your heart

To bestow a significant
role upon him.

- As best man.
- Well…

- What did he say?
- He was tickled pink.

- Well done, James.
- Oh, this came for you.

- There it is.
- Thank you.

I don't believe it!
I simply don't believe it!

What is it?

- James, you know that article?
- Could I ever forget it?

Well, on the strength of it,
the canadian government

Have offered me a job
in Nova Scotia. Look.

It's a straight offer.

"no other candidates
being considered.

Veterinary surgeon at
a wild animal reservation."

Calum, just think of it--

Beaver, moose,
fox, otter.

Only two conditions:
One, you have to present
yourself

At the canadian
high commission
at your convenience.

That's presumably
to make sure you're not
a confirmed alcoholic.

And providing you accept,

You can take up
the appointment by April 15th.

Well, it's an opportunity
too good to miss.

You can't possibly
turn it down.

Well, there's Deidre
to consider.

Oh, come on.
She would follow you
to the ends of the earth.

Aye, that's just it--
she would.

But what with her mother
recently widowed

And not at all well, and…

Well, Nova Scotia's
an awful long way
from Scotland.

There are
things called airplanes
these days, you know?

Calum, all you've got
to do is talk to Deidre

And get things
sorted out, right?

Right.
Not a word to
Siegfried yet.

All right.

Nova Scotia.

"new Scotland"?

I've, uh…
I've never been
to Canada.

Neither have I.
It would be a great adventure.

Oh, Calum,
there are other things.

- Your mother.
- She's one of them.
I'm very concerned about her.

- We could take her with us.
- Och, no.

She'd never leave Scotland.

It would mean
you couldn't have
a big wedding.

But that wouldn't matter.
We'd have the whole

Of new Scotland
at our feet!

Calum, Nova Scotia's
very different

From Scotland,
old or new.

It's got to be wherever
you feel happiest.

It's not where,
it's who with.
You know that.

Let's go out
and celebrate this
wonderful offer anyway.

- Right.
- Calum,

I just need some time
to think it through.

All the time
in the world,
my darling.

Well, a couple
of weeks, anyway.

All right.

- Calum: Where should we go?
- Somewhere special.

It's my treat.

Now, mrs. Galloway,

One of those
every night for a week,
I'm sure he'll be fine.

- Thanks very much.
- It's a pleasure.

Bye bye.

- James?
- Yes.

James, I swear to you
that I was not
eavesdropping.

I simply happened to
overhear what they said
to each other.

- Who?
- Calum and Deirdre.

He's thinking of
applying for a job
in Nova Scotia.

Oh, yes, that.
Mm.

You know about it?
You've known all this time,
and you've not said anything?

- It's only just happened.
He wanted to tell you himself.
- Yes, but James,

You don't see it.
It's entirely my fault.

- I've driven him to it.
- I'm not quite with you.

It's that blasted otter!
I know I've got a quick temper
on occasions,

And sometimes it's
quite unjustified.

In this particular instance,
I simply blew up.

Well, why not? He does
take things for granted
sometimes, doesn't he?

- I must have wounded him
to the quick.
- Calum?

He's taken me at my word,
and he's applied

For this wretched job
in Nova Scotia.

- Siegfried!
- I'll never forgive
myself, James.

Such a good-hearted boy.
Such a fine, young vet.

- For heaven's sake!
- Ah, quick-tempered
I may be,

But I hope I also
have some manners.

I shall apologize.

I shall make him
reconsider.

( door opens, closes )

Next, please.

It's fabulous.
Absolutely fabulous.

If ever a job was invented
for a man, that was invented
for Calum.

- Yes, but there's you
and James and Siegfried--
- ah, no buts about it.

Come on.

I know how much
you and Calum
like it here,

And we will hate
to see you go.

But you mustn't let
anything stand in his way.

It's a giant stride
forward for him.

- There's mother.
- Yes, I know.

I know you're
worried about her.

Hasn't she got
any friends?

Oh, yes.
Lots of them.

And they're all good,
kind, caring folk.

Well, there you are,
then.

Parents have to learn
to accept being parted
from their children, you know?

You don't see much
of her these days anyway.

No, that's true.
But she's always
been within reach.

Yes, I know.

Deirdre, I think you
should go to Scotland,

Break the news
to her yourself.

She'll understand.

You're right, Helen.
I'll go first thing
tomorrow.

Siegfried:
Ah, Calum.

Uh, the other day…
That otter…

What about that otter?

I have to apologize,
Calum.

I was unreasonably
cross.

Oh, not unreasonably,
given the circumstances.

Oh yes, I was, Calum.

- I said some very
hurtful things to you.
- No, you didn't.

Yes, I did!

I-I-- what I'm really
trying to say is that…

I value your services
very highly, and there
was absolutely no need

For you to rush off
and apply for some

Totally unsuitable job
in Nova Scotia.

I, uh, think I'm
beginning to understand.

Has somebody been
speaking out of turn?

No no, they haven't.
It's not like that at all.

No, it isn't,
Siegfried.

You see, I haven't
applied for any other
job anywhere.

You haven't?
Are you certain?

I'm positive.
But there is a job,

A plum job,
and it's been offered
to me on a plate

By the canadian
government.

Now, whether I take it
or not depends entirely
upon Deidre,

And I shan't know
until she gets back
from Edinburgh.

Oh, Siegfried,
I owe you a great deal,

And I would never dream
of doing anything
behind your back,

But I just wanted
to bide my time

Until I was certain
how things stood.

( phone ringing )

Hello, Darrowby-385.

I'm afraid mr. Farnon's
out at the moment.

This is Calum Buchanan.
We met the other day.

Mr. Buchanan,
I want you here
immediately.

Well, um, what seems
to be the trouble?

One of my cats has got
the most dreadful abscess
on his front paw.

He really is
in great distress.

An abscess?

Well, I think I can
just about manage that.

Can you give me
half an hour?

Right. I'll come over then.
Oh, hold on, mrs. Bond.

Can you find me
an old piece of sheeting
to wrap him in?

- Yes.
- Excellent.

Goodbye.

( bell ringing )

Well, come in,
come in.

Thanks.

( cats meowing )

- Everything's ready.
- Marvelous.

Good morning,
mr. Bond.

( radio blaring )

Right.
Let's have a look
at this abscess.

It's this wee chappy
here, is it?

Oh, no.

Don't just stand there.
Put yours on.

- ( cat snarling )
- ( objects clattering )

Don't…
Don't do that!

Son of, uh, Boris?

Yes, of course
it is!

You can't imagine the struggle
I had catching him.

He is very
very angry!

Very angry.

- ( clattering )
- ( mrs. Bond exclaiming )

Now, you just keep
a good tight hold

On him, please,
mrs. Bond.

And if you bring him
over to the table,

I'll have a look
at that paw.

- Oh!
- Don't let go yet.

Got it!

Put him on the table.

( low growling )

Oh yes, that's really very
nasty.

No wonder he was
in a bad mood.

( hissing, snarling )

Poor old Boris.
Oh!

Don't worry.
We'll soon put you
to rights, laddie.

Don't let go yet.

I'll just grab
the scruff of the neck.

Let go… Now!

( yowling )

Winding sheet.

Aah!

I'm sorry, mrs. Bond.
I'm terribly sorry.

Boris? Boris!
Come here!

Boris?

Boris?

Boris, come here!

- ( clattering )
- ( cat meowing )

- ( mrs. Bond exclaiming )
- you're a good man.

- You're a savior.
- Don't do it!

Boris?

Don't worry,
mrs. Bond.

I'll get mr. Farnon
to do it.

No need, mr. Buchanan.

He burst the abscess
himself in the struggle.

There's pus
all over the sheet.

You were heroic,

Mr. Buchanan.

Heroic!

- Deidre: Calum.
- Oh!

- Oh, it's so good to see you!
- Oh, it's good to see you too.

- How'd it go?
- Fine.

It was just fine.

- How's your mom?
- Oh, she's fine.

She's getting a bit
better, actually.

Mm-hmm.
What did she say?

- Do you want to know?
- Yes.

Right,
I'll tell you, then.

She said,
Calum Buchanan,

That if you don't take up
the post then she'd disown you,
and the same goes for me.

And now all I can think
about is setting up home
in Nova Scotia.

Deidre,
you are wonderful.

- I know. So we can get
married on the 20th, then?
- Fine.

You see, the timing
is perfect if we're
sailing to new york.

- Sailing?
- Yes.

I thought it out
all rather beautifully
when I was in Edinburgh.

You see, the queen Elizabeth
leaves southampton
two days later,

And we are
going to be on her.

We can have out honeymoon
crossing the atlantic.

Now, wait a minute.
How do you know all this
about dates of sailing?

Oh, it's very difficult.
I just walked into
a travel agent,

And I asked.

First class!
Why, these must've
cost a fortune!

They did,
an arm and a leg.

It's mother's
wedding present to us.

( gasps )
oh, the old darling.

( humming )

You sound very
cheerful, Siegfried.

Well, it's a beautiful
morning, James!

And I'm so happy
for those two.

Can you imagine it?
The queen Elizabeth

To new york
then Nova Scotia?

- I mean to say--
- look, Siegfried,
I'm happy for them too,

But have you
thought about us?

- Us?
- Well, not long ago
we were four,

And very soon
we're gonna be two.

I see what you mean.
It'll be just like
old times.

The practice has
doubled since then.

So I should hope.
We're damn fine vets.

Don't you worry, James.
We'll be able
to handle it.

It'll mean longer hours,
harder work,

But it'll also mean
more money for both of us.

You must look
on the positive side
of these things, James.

Ah, Deidre, my dear,
good morning to you.

I must say
I admire your style.

Well, thank you.
And now all we've got
to worry about

Are the arrangements
for the wedding.

- Isn't it exciting?
- It is, it is.

Now this is where
you must allow me
to intervene.

When do you
go to London
for your interview?

- Two days' time.
- Oh, that fits very well.

Deirdre, Calum has never
been exactly noted

For his sartorial
elegance, has he?

So I'm going to
telephone my tailors
in sackfield street.

- What are you talking about?
- My dear boy,

I'm not gonna have you
letting the side down

Either in Nova Scotia
or on the queen Elizabeth.

You're gonna need
the morning suit
to be married in--

A good formal suit,
one decent tweed suit,

And a dinner jacket.

- A dinner jacket?
- You'll probably be invited to
dine on the captain's table.

- Siegfried!
- And then you will have
to go to jermyn street

And pick up
a dozen decent shirts
and some wearable ties.

Now, wait a wee minute.
If you think I'm
going overboard--

No, Calum, not overboard.
You are simply embarking
on a new life.

That's all very well,
but have you any notion
how much these things cost?

Yes, Calum,
I have indeed--

A very great deal.

And they are
my wedding present
to a damn good vet.

( gasps )
Siegfried--

It's indelicate.

We can all put up
with a little indelicacy
from time to time, can't we?

Absolutely.
Well, I'm not gonna be
left out of this.

I'm gonna buy you both
thermal underwear.

- Pardon?
- Mm, lots of longjohns.

And by golly,
you're gonna need 'em
where you're going.

- Thank you, James.
- Oh, you are both darling.

- ( doorbell ringing )
- oh, excuse me.

That is
a wonderful idea…

- Tris!
- Good morning to ya, sir.

- Is this where
the happy event will be?
- You're an old idiot.

I didn't think you'd be here,
with the date brought forward.

- I wouldn't let that stop me.
I'm not gonna miss the fun.
- How's Ireland?

Apart from the job
and the weather,
fantastic.

I mean, lovely people,
beautiful colleens,

Lashings of cheap booze,
and you can eat steak till
it's coming out of your ears.

You look marvelous.
And speaking of booze,
um, drovers, quick pint?

- Thought you'd never ask.
Let's go.
- Hang on a minute, tris.

- Siegfried?
- Yes, James?

I'm just slipping
down to the drovers.
Is that all right?

A moment ago
you were complaining about
being shorthanded.

Now you're sloughing
off to the pu--

Tristan! My dear boy.
I thought you couldn't
get here!

- Hello, Siegfried.
- I see.

30 seconds in the house,
and you're in need of
alcoholic refreshment.

Perhaps you'd like
to join us.

I can't leave the surgery
entirely unattended.

- Tristan! Oh, Tristan!
- Deirdre!

- Tris!
It's grand to see you!
- Nice to see both of you.

I'll take surgery,
Siegfried.
Off you go.

Oh, maybe I could…

Allow myself five minutes.

Nice to see nothing's changed.
If we've only got five minutes,
we'd better get a move on.

Right, little brother.
Lead on!

Come on.

This is not exactly
a council of war.

It's more what might
be called, I suppose,

A marriage council,
tomorrow being
the great day.

Now then Deirdre,
James, is spending
the night with you,

Helen having very sweetly
said she'll help her dress
for the wedding.

I will collect her at
11:45 sharp and take her
to the church, right?

- Uh-huh.
- You, Tristan, as best man,
will precede us,

Making sure you bring
the bridegroom with you.

- Is all clear so far?
- Yes.

The reception's here.
We've plenty of room.
We aren't all that numerous.

I think I've dealt
with all the points
with the caterers.

Now then,
as for Calum…

Oh, my dear boy.
Look at that
transformation!

My goodness me,
it's the latest
edwardian trend.

Will you look?
Cuffs, turn-ups,

- ( boisterous laughter )
- waistcoat with lapels.

They really have
done you proud.

You look absolutely splendid.
We were just talking of you.

- Really?
- Well, yes, of course.
You are the man of the moment.

Tonight is your
last night of freedom.

So tonight will be
your stag night.

Ah ah ah.
I don't really think
that's a very good idea.

Rubbish, old chap.
You've got to go along
with tradition.

- Besides, you can't
let your friends down.
- Yes, and I'll have

My friends to thank
for the great big hangover

On the very day
I can't afford it.

Oh, don't worry, Calum.
You see, I shall support you
up the aisle,

- And Deirdre can
support you down again.
- Oh, Tristan!

- ( all laughing )
- Siegfried: Come on, Calum!

Now then,
through here.

That's it.
Put if over there,
if you'd be kind enough.

Champagne and glasses
this end,

Food we'll keep
all the way down there.

You all right and happy?
Good morning, James.

How are you
this morning?

Exactly as one
might expect, Siegfried.

- You look all right.
- I am, James, I am.

But then of course,
I always did have
the stamina.

- That's one good thing.
- What is that, James?

I don't look
as bad as Tristan.

- Well, Tristan?
- Not very,
if you want to know.

- Nor is the bridegroom.
- ( chuckles )

This'll soon
set you all to rights.

There's nothing like champagne
with a drop of brandy in it

For getting
the adrenaline going.

You shouldn't have
done it to me.

You shouldn't
have done it.

Nonsense, Calum.
Get this inside you.

You'll soon be as right
as rain. There you are,
little brother.

Could I not have
a wee whiskey instead?

Certainly not, Calum.
This is the medicine for you.

Good morning, everybody.

- Mm!
- Oh!

I'm not saying
it tastes bad.

I'm very glad to hear that.
Where-- where's your
buttonhole?

- My what?
- Oh, my dear boy, I have
to do everything for you.

Luckily,
here we are.

Now then, Tristan,
something sweet
to wake you up.

Come on there, Calum.

Try and make you look
as smart as you should
on this important day.

Right, you two.
Time you were off.

- Time for another quick one?
- Certainly not, Tristan. Off!

James, you and I have,
I think, have a little
time on our hands.

Away!

( wedding music playing )

Hey! Now!

( all hum
"the wedding March" )

( chattering, singing )

Here you are,
my darlings.
Take one.

Now, everybody,
quickly, quickly.
A toast.

Hold on
just one minute.

Just before everybody
else arrives…

This is no time
to be looking
something up, Calum.

You're gonna have
to divide your time
a little better

Between work and home,
you know, now that
you're married.

I think this may be of interest
to you, Siegfried.

- Lord alive,
not another article.
- Not exactly, no.

Come on, James,
let's humor the boy.

- Yes, Siegfried.
- Read it out.

"to messrs. Farnon and Herriot,
of Darrowby, north riding,

Partners of the finest
practice in England,

Thank you,
my mentors and friends,

For the best three years
of my life.

Calum Buchanan."

Our names in print
at last, Siegfried.
( chuckles )

Well, my dear boy,
I don't know what to say.

Hush, Siegfried.
Just drink to us, eh?

To Calum and Deirdre.

All:
Calum and Deirdre.

( horn sounding )

( theme music playing )