All Creatures Great and Small (1978–1990): Season 1, Episode 1 - Horse Sense - full transcript

Magnificent animal.

It's a horse.

Yes, I know.

It's good to see it.

You know, that not all of them
have gone, driven out by the tractor.

Have you ploughed
with horse and tractor, then?

Er, well... Not exactly.

I thought not.

Big place, is it?
- Not as big as Leeds.

Will I have any difficulty
finding my way about?

To the vet's, for example.

You won't get lost
if you've owt about you.

Excuse me, could you tell me
where Traingate is, please?

You want Skeldale House.
- No, I want the vet's.

Skeldale is where the vet lives.

Thank you.

Shut up!

Good afternoon.
My name is Herriot.

Mr Farnon is expecting me.
He wrote asking me to come today.

Mr Herriot? Surgery
is from six till seven o'clock.

If you wanted to bring a dog,
that'd be your best time.

No, no, I'm applying
for the position of assistant.

He said to come in time for tea.
- Assistant? Well, now.

I'm Mrs Hall. I keep house
for Mr Farnon. He's a bachelor.

Oh, yes?
- He never said owt about you.

Oh.

Never mind.
Come in and have a cup of tea.

Thank you.

It shouldn't be long
before he's back.

I suppose Mr Farnon is out on a case.

No, he's gone to Broughton
to visit his mother.

I don't know when
he'll be back, really.

Quiet!

Hello, hello. Is Mr Farnon in?

I'm afraid not. Can I help you?

Could you give him a message?

Tell him Bert Sharpe
has got a cow what wants boring out.

Boring out?
- Aye. Goin' on three cylinders.

Three cylinders?
- Aye and if I don't do summat

she'll go wrong in her ewer.
- Very probably.

Don't forget, then.
You tell him. Ta-ra.

Biggins is t'name.

Good afternoon. Anything I can do?

I've a cow grunting a bit.

Well, erm... someone better
come out and have a look at her.

Ah, well... I don't know.

She might not be as bad as all that.

Whatever you say.
- It's what you say.

You're t'vet.
- Well, it's difficult.

After all, I... We haven't seen her.

I think perhaps someone
should pay her a visit.

It's all very fine
but it's the expense.

It costs ten bob every time
one of you sets foot on my place.

Then there's medicines on top of it.

Yes.

Well, perhaps you'd like to take
something away with you.

A tin of stomach powder, perhaps.

How do you know it's stomach?
- I don't.

It might be summat else.
- That's very true.

Look here.
It's a damn good cow this is.

I paid £50 for her
at Scarborough market.

I'm sure she is.
So I feel she'd be worth a visit.

How about this afternoon?

Aye, but would it be just one visit?

No, happen you'll be coming
again tomorrow and t'day after

and we shall be landed
with a clunkin' great bill.

I'm sorry but everything
is very expensive these days.

Sometimes it'd be cheaper to
give you t'cow at t'end of it.

Well, hardly!
But I do see how you feel.

How about taking a fever drink
as well as the stomach powder?

That'd be safer.

You still couldn't be sure,
could you?

No, not absolutely sure.

She might even have a wire in her.
- Yes. Yes, she might.

Shoving medicine down her neck
won't help.

No, you're right.
- I think a lot of this cow

and I can't afford to lose it.
- That's why she should be seen.

I did suggest that, if you remember.

Maybe that's the best, then.
- Yes.

Hadn't we better leave her while
t'morning and see how she is?

That's a very good idea.
You look at her in the morning

and call us before nine
if she's no better.

What if she doesn't last
till t'morning?

There is always that risk.

No good ringing if she's dead.

True.
- Might as well ring Mallock.

The knacker man.
- 'Fraid so, yes.

That's no use to me.
£5 from Mallock for a good cow.

I do see how you feel.
- I think a lot of this cow.

I'm sure.
- It'd be a very big loss to me.

What do you propose to do?

Suppose you leave it until
tonight to see if she recovers,

and if she's not right, say,
by eight,

someone could come out
and have a look.

You'll come round then?
- That's right.

Aye...

Last time you came out at night
you charged extra for it.

That is usual in veterinary practice.

I shall be worse off
than I were afore.

Yes, I suppose so.
- I'm not a rich man.

No, I realise that.

It takes me all me time to pay
t'ordinary bills.

Yes, I'm sure.
- So that's a bad idea.

Yes.
- Right, then, I'll be off.

Grunting a bit, she is.
- Erm...

It's a good cow.
I can't afford to lose her.

Herriot? Herriot?

Hm?
- I'm Siegfried Farnon.

Sorry you've had to wait.

Oh, how do you do?
- Very well indeed, thank you.

There was a Mr Biggins here
about a sick cow.

He wanted us...
erm... you to visit.

No, he didn't want you to visit.
He just wanted stomach powder.

His cow sounds in a bad way.
- Ah, yes.

A Miss Brompton came for tea
and I said you'd been called away.

Ah, yes. Never mind about that.

I'm sorry I wasn't here when you
arrived. I've a shocking memory.

Come on.
I want to show you the place.

Very conservative folk, farmers.

And the Dales farmers
are more conservative than most.

There you are. The surgery.

What do you think of it?
- It looks very good.

Excellent.
You seem to have everything.

Yes. It was very old-fashioned
when I took over.

This sort of thing, you know.

Had to introduce
a lot of new stuff.

Look at this, Herriot. Adrivan.

The remedy for redworming horses.

It's a bit expensive.
Ten bob for a packet.

And look at this.
Gentian violet pessaries.

Shove one of these in a cow's uterus
after a dirty cleansing,

turns the discharges
a very pretty colour.

Do you know this trick?

A few crystals
of resublimated iodine.

Like that. A few drops of turpentine.

♪ La-la-la la la ♪

It's like witchcraft, isn't it?

I use it for wounds in horses' feet.

The chemical reaction drives
the iodine deep into the tissues.

It does?
- I don't know. That's the theory.

But it looks wonderful.
Impresses the toughest client.

There is my latest purchase.
A wonderful thing.

Oh.
- Take a peep at my retina.

Very pretty.
- Huh?

I could write you
a certificate of soundness.

Good! I always thought
I had a touch of cataract.

And here is... the theatre.

Not much small animal work
in this district.

I'm trying to encourage it.
Makes a nice change.

A lot of old hands
wouldn't look at a dog or cat.

But the profession must change.
- Oh, yes.

Really first class.

There was another caller
while you were out.

Bert Sharpe. I think he thought
you may have been a garage.

He talked about boring out
a cow going on three cylinders

and ewer and felon.
- He wanted Hudson's operation.

Doing out a blocked teat.
Here, hold that.

Ewer is the udder and felon
is the local name for mastitis.

I'll soon learn the terminology.

Erm... yes.

You know, if I'm successful enough
to get the job.

I wasn't assuming that...
- No, no. That's all right.

We'd better be getting out
to Sharpe's.

There are one or two other visits.

Look, why don't you come with me
and I'll show you the district?

I'd like that.
- Good.

Come on, boys. Come on, dogs!

Come on, girl, get in there.
Go on, Christie. Go on.

Get in there. Go on, go on, go on.

Good boy. Go on.

Sorry! That sometimes happens.
I should have warned you.

Seat's a little loose.
Here, take that.

Lame mare where we're going.
- Yes.

I saw some horses when I came.
Still using them?

Yes, but they're going fast. Pity.

My favourite animal, the horse.

Yes. Fine animals. Still,
if I was going to plough a field,

I'd take a tractor.
- Don't you like horses?

Oh, yes, they're fine.
It's just, you know, the work.

Hm. Well, I prefer working
with horses to anything else.

They're interesting...
- If I should take you on

I could do
the horse work myself but...

I like horses very much.

I was just thinking
of the labour of ploughing.

Done much ploughing, have you?
Brought up on a farm?

Er... no. No, I was just, you know...
imagining what it would be like.

Ah.

Hello, Mr Farnon. I'll get her.

Let's see her walk, then.

Which leg do you make it?

Near fore.
- I think so, too.

Would you like to examine it?
- Mm.

This one's hotter than the other.

Have you a hammer?

Thanks.

Up, girl.

That's it.

Thank you.

Looks like pus in the foot to me.

I'll bet you're right.
They call it "gravel" here.

What do you suggest we do about it?

Open up the sole
and evacuate the pus.

Right. I'll watch your technique.

Try that.
- Thank you.

Damn. There are
several places it could be.

I'll try... this one.

She likes you. She prefers to
lean on you than her bad foot!

There it goes. She'll get relief now.

Well done, Herriot.

Just isn't funny
when the horn's as hard as that.

A shot of tetanus antitoxin.

Come on.

There you are, old girl.

Now, then, Mr White,
if you'll hold up the hoof,

I'll just disinfect the cavity.

Come up, lass. Up, lass.
Come on, now. Up, lass.

Good and high. Thank you.

By God, Mr Farnon.

I wondered what the hell
had happened here for a minute.

Ain't it wonderful
what science can do nowadays?

Got here, then? That's good.

Afternoon, Mr Sharpe.
Hear you've got a blocked teat.

That's about it.
I thought you'd better see her.

Here she is.

Mm-hm.

Blocked. Hudson's.

Aha.

There you are.

'Ey up!

I'm sorry, I ought to have told you.

This is a very friendly cow
and she always likes to shake hands.

She'll be all right now.
- Yes, but will you be?

She's going on
all four cylinders now.

Good.

Is that the best you can do, then?
- Er... it's a double four.

There you are.
- Thanks.

Good health.
- Good health.

Well...

you can have this job
if you want it.

£4 a week and full board, OK?

Thanks!

I accept.
- Good.

Let me tell you about the practice.

I bought it from
an old man of 80 a year ago.

Still practising, mind you.
Marvellous, tough old character.

But he got a bit beyond getting up
in the middle of the night.

And in other ways
he'd let the practice slide.

Those ancient instruments you saw
belonged to him.

What with one thing and another
there wasn't much practice left.

I'm trying to build it up again.

From today's visits
I'd say you were very successful.

It's coming on.

The farmers like to see
a younger man with new treatments.

They're not too conservative, then.

Well... they are about one thing.
Money.

It's a devil of a job educating them

out of the three
and six penny treatments.

Dalesmen are marvellous people

but they don't like
parting with their brass.

Unless you can prove
they're getting something in return.

Come on. Sup up.

I'll get you another.

I'll get these.
- No, no. My night.

Same again, please.

You're looking pleased with yourself.

Yes. Do I look so smug?

Yes.

Well, I must admit to
feeling very relieved.

Most chaps at college
haven't found anything.

It's a bad time. All those
pathetic advertisements you see.

"Veterinary surgeon,
fully experienced.

"Will work for keep."

Very bad for the profession,
offering services for nothing.

Still, we're all right,
as long as we work hard.

There's a chap over there
I want to have a word with.

He never could make up his mind
whether to call us in or not.

Yeah, useless these days.
They don't take the trouble.

I was repairing old Colton's
dry-stone walls the other day,

you know,
where it comes down to t'beck.

Some daft sod run his car
into it, didn't he?

That's right.
I was setting it up again.

One of these
walking chaps come along,

all socks and walking stick.
- Aye. Dales is full of 'em.

He says to me, "You're making
a good job of that wall."

I said, "Of course I am.
I've got to look at t'bugger

"for t'next 30 years."

A pint, please.

You're new round here.
- Yes, that's right.

Came in with Mr Farnon?
- Yes. I'm his new assistant.

A vet?
- That's right.

You'll be seeing
a lot of me around here.

But when you come here to tap
the fluid off our beer barrels,

you pay us.

Here's your new boss
wanting his pint.

Take for two, would you?
- James, that's kind of you.

You've introduced yourself?

He told us he came to stop you
killing off the local cows.

If the cows are like your two pigs
it'd be the only thing to do.

Nothing wrong with our pigs.
- Nothing...

that a good square meal
wouldn't put right.

Thank you.
- Right, Mr Farnon.

There you are.
- No, no, no.

Oh, you're doing it, aren't you?

Are you all right?
- Fine. Sorry.

Good evening, Mr Herriot.
- Oh, Mr Sharpe. Good evening.

I don't pack a punch like
my Violet when I shake hands.

This young man today met my Violet.

She's been going on three cylinders.

She don't like people taking
liberties until she shakes hands.

She missed his hand and caught
him in the bread basket!

You should have seen him!
- She's worse than any bull.

No, it's just friendly.

It's just as well she aimed high.

You might have become
the Dales' first gelded vet.

You can always tell
an experienced vet.

He sets himself
where the cow can't kick him.

Hast thou worked on a farm?
- Well, no, not exactly.

So all thy knowledge is out of books.

At college we practised on farms.

Aye, learning on
some poor farmer's stock.

Under supervision, of course.

Will Mr Farnon
be keeping his eyes on thee?

I'm now qualified.
- Oh, aye!

Serve another one up. Come on.

No, actually, I've...

Now, then, young man.
I've summat to tell thee.

I've been among beasts all my life.
I'll tell thee something.

I don't go with them chemicals
but I know how to cure a beast.

That's excellent.
- If I had time, lad,

I could tell thee so many cures
tha'd never believe it.

Really?
- I've seen a cow left for dead

by a vet,
not Mr Farnon, of course.

After just a touch of
summat special, she walked away.

That's very remarkable.

Aye. Many's the rogues that's
trying to get the secret from me

but I keep it to mesen.
- They must be worth a fortune.

Well, I must be off.
- Afore you go, young man,

I'm going to tell thee summat
as nobody knows but me.

I could have made
a lot of money out of this.

Folks has been after me
to tell them, but I never have.

It's t'cure for malanders
and salanders in horses.

You can't mean it!
Not malanders and salanders!

I do mean it. All you have to do
is rub on this salve of mine

and t'horse walks away sound.

And you're really going to tell
me the name of this salve?

I am, young man,
but only on one condition.

Thou must tell no one.
Thou must keep it to theesen.

Then nobody'll know but thee and me.

Just thee and me, lad.

All right, I promise.
I won't breathe a word.

Marshmallow ointment.

Come on, James, time we were off.

Night, Ted, thank you very kindly.

Evening, Charlie.
- Evening.

Thank you.

Come on, then, you lot.
Come on, then. Come on.

That was a very good night.

Glad you enjoyed it.
- I'll say I did.

This morning I was in Glasgow,
out of college and out of work.

And tonight I'm in Yorkshire
in a job.

I'm very grateful.

Not at all.

If you hadn't found that
infected spot in the mare's hoof

or gone back to that cow
after she'd shaken hands

you'd still be out of a job.

Thank you anyway, Mr Farnon.

Siegfried's the name.

Siegfried.

A nightcap, I think.

Hm.

Yes, it was a good night.
And pretty valuable for you, too.

Indeed. I have to get
to know the people.

No, I mean, er... professionally.

Didn't you learn of a cure?

For malanders and salanders?

Ah, yes. The panama hat.

He told me
it was marshmallow ointment.

Yes. Though come
to think of it the panama hat

did look like it had
been eaten by a horse.

Good health.
- Good health.

You know, the trouble is...

some of the time...

marshmallow ointment or panama hats
or burying a dead cat at midnight

would do
just as much good as we can do.

Surely there are new treatments.
- Some of them are damn good.

But you'll find time and again,

you know exactly what the trouble is
but there's nothing you can do.

Specific remedies, that's what
we need. Specific remedies.

Something we can give them

that'll go right to the seat
of the infection and kill it.

Often we just don't have it.
- No.

And we need vaccines
for all the common infections -

tuberculosis,
contagious abortion and so on.

Yes.

Our surgical methods
are marvellously sophisticated.

It would astonish our fathers.

But we still need
new vaccines and drugs.

Come on, then, baby.

Take horses.

I rather pride myself
on being an expert with horses.

If you get a call to a horse,
check with me first, will you?

Hm? Oh, yes. Yes, of course.

What can you do about
a bad laminitis? Keep them moving.

But that inflammation
under the horn is the devil.

Why can't we give the horse
something that will cure it?

Like you can inject Arecholin
for intestinal spasm.

I mean to say, I've always thought...

I'm sorry, James.

I'm rattling on
and you must be dead beat.

Yes, we do need new vaccines
for contagious abortion.

Time for bed, I think.
You've had a very long day.

Yes, perhaps we'd better.

What time in the morning?

Small animal clinic, nine o'clock.
Very keen to build that up.

Right.

Good night.
- Good night.

Sorry to trouble you.

Where do I sleep?
- Didn't Mrs Hall show you?

No, she didn't know I'd be staying.

No, of course not. Stupid of me.

This way.
- Thank you.

Well, there you are.

I hope you'll be comfortable here.

I'm sure I will.

Good night.
- Good night.

Well done.

James Herriot...

assistant veterinary surgeon
in private practice.

Good morning.

Do you want to see the vet?
This way, please.

Thank you.

Now... what have we here?

Ah!

A tortoise.

What's his name?

Mr Tortoise, then.

And what's wrong with him?

Is he poorly?

We'll have a look at him.

Mm-hm.

Mm-hm.

Does he walk about?

Perhaps he hasn't been walking about
very much before.

Yes, he looks fit enough.

I'll tell you what. You keep him
in a warm part of the garden

and next time you bring him in,

you bring your mummy too,
and she can tell me what's wrong.

All right?

There we are.

Thank you.

Hello.

My God, you've got a job on here.

Will she ever go again,
do you think?

She'd better or you're
gonna do a lot of walking.

I'm going to do a lot of...
- You're to have this car.

This is my car?

That's right.
Admirable little beauty, isn't she?

Well, yes.

Yes.

Right, hop into mine.
You'll have plenty of time in that.

I'll show you some more farms.
- Righto.

How was morning surgery?
- Not very busy, really.

How many?
- Only one.

We won't make our fortunes
out of that one.

There's a great future in dogs
and cats. You mark my words.

This was a tortoise.
- Oh! Sally Garth.

Did she say anything?
- Not a word.

That's Sally Garth. She never does!

It's been a right warm day.
- Yes.

You can look forward
to a nice, quiet evening.

Do you mind holding the fort
alone tonight?

I want to pop over...
and see my mother.

Of course not.
- Good.

I'm sure you're dying
to get started on your own.

There's plenty of time.
In any case, I started this morning.

Of course!
You saved that tortoise's life!

There'll be nothing this evening.

Mr Herriot?
- Yes.

Phineas Calvert for thee.

He's got a bull
that sounds right badly.

Hello, yes?

That's right, Herriot.

Well, I'll come out and see him.
Where are you?

Yes, got that.

I'll come out as quickly as I can.

Wish me luck, Mrs Hall.
This one sounds really bad.

Here he is. Cush, then, lad.

Cush, then, lad. Cush, baba.

Cush, then, lad.

Poor bugger.

Is there owt tha' can do?
- We'll have to see.

He's a good bull and all.
Only started a couple of hour ago.

Since then he's got worse.
Much worse.

Puffing like a bellows, he were.

Bit like pneumonia, you know.
Worse 'un I've ever known.

He's in a hell of a state.
Dost tha' think he'll peg out?

Oh, I'm sure he'll be all right
once we find out what's wrong.

'Ee and he has cost me a lot.

I were expecting t'best cows ever
out of this chap.

And he's as quiet as a sheep.

Is it bad?
- 110.

It's hard to believe.

What is it, then?
- Have you any sheep here?

Aye.
- Nothing wrong with them?

No, nothing. You passed them
coming up, remember?

Are you thinking of anthrax?
- I'm thinking of anything I can.

His breathing's so bad
he can't swallow his saliva.

I hate to see him
suffering like this.

Look, just tell me
if you can't do no good,

and I'll go get me gun out.

This is his hay?
- Aye.

He's suffering badly.

I'll go and get the gun.
I'll not let him suffer.

Has he been out today?

Aye, he's been out on t'tether
all morning, it was so warm.

Get that hose up here quick.

Hosepipe?
- Yes, as quick as you can.

He's got sunstroke!

We have to be quick. He could
drop down dead at any minute.

Right, turn the water on, please.

All right, my beauty.

Cush, then, bull. Good lad.
Cush, then. That's it. Cush, then.

He swallowed! Did you see that?
He swallowed!

Yes! I think
he's going to be all right!

Right, now you take the hose
and I'll take his temperature.

Keep the water on his head
and shoulders, please.

There's no doubt.
He's getting better by the second.

He is that. It's 105.

Give me that.

Yes, we can leave him now.

He'll get out of the water
when he's had enough.

Hey, now, lad.

He may not be dry any more,
but by God, I am.

Come on, young man.

Mother! Get us two brown ales, lass.

This here's Mr Herriot.
- How do you do?

Is t'bull better?
- Yes, he's quite well now.

He had sunstroke.

Well, who'd have thought of it!

Get us that ale, love.

By gum.

Well, I'll tell you,
you right flummoxed me, lad.

I don't know what to say to you.

Good lass.

Thank you.

Thanks to this young man
or we'd have had a dead bull.

Cheers.
- Aye, cheers, lad.

At least me bill
should be reasonable.

We only used cold water
and I supplied that.

I shouldn't be too long.
I'll leave right away.

I'm sorry
but I've got to go out again.

You can have your tea first!

I've got to treat a horse with colic.
He's Lord Halten's favourite hunter.

Fickle things, horses' digestions.
Wouldn't want to put him down.

And what about your digestion?
You've got to have your tea.

Pop it back in the oven, would you?

I'll take it out when I get back.

Aye, well, when you get colic

we shan't have to send
to have thee put down.

Tha'll just fade away.

Mr Soames?
- Yeah, I'm Mr Soames.

My name's Herriot.

I was expecting Mr Farnon.
- He's with another client.

Clever man is Mr Farnon.

We're old friends.

Yeah. Great friends.

I understand you have
a horse with colic.

In there.
One of His Lordship's best hunters.

In need of expert assistance,
I'd say.

How long has he been like this?

It began with a bit of
a bellyache this morning.

This fella's been giving him
black draughts all day.

I wouldn't be surprised
if he'd messed it up.

I got the draughts down him
all right. They're doing no good.

Call yourself a horseman?
I should have done it meself.

He needs more than a black draught
to help him.

You've done nothing yet.
You want to have a wash?

I want to make a rectal examination.

I've never seen anything like this.

All right, go and get him his water.
Maybe we'll get something done.

God, it would be
while Mr Farnon's away.

This is no ordinary colic.
- What the hell is it, then?

I have to examine him
but continual severe pains

could mean a torsion,
a twisted bowel.

Twisted bowel, me foot.
He's got a bit of bellyache.

He just wants something to shift him.
Did you bring Arecholin?

If this is a torsion that would be
the worst thing for him.

It would drive him mad. It contracts
the intestinal muscles...

I don't want a bloody lecture!
I want that horse cured!

Everything points to the same thing -
a torsion.

All right, have it your way.
Just do something.

Are we going to stand here all night?

There's no cure for this.
You must put him out of his pain.

No cure? Put him out of his pain?
What are you saying?

I suggest you let me put him down.

What do you mean?
- I should shoot him now.

I have a humane killer in the car.

Shoot him? Are you stark raving mad?

Do you know what he's worth?
- It makes no difference.

He's been going through hell all day.
You should've called me hours ago.

He may last a few hours more.

That's all. And he's in
continuous, agonising pain.

Why does this happen to me?
His Lordship's away on holiday,

otherwise he'd try
to make you see sense.

Your boss would have given
that horse an injection

and he'd have been OK
in half an hour.

Why can't we wait till Mr Farnon
comes back, let him have a look!

Mr Farnon will carry out
a postmortem tomorrow.

Lord Halten will have
my diagnosis confirmed.

I'll inform His Lordship
and Mr Farnon.

Ring him up tonight.
- Yes, I will.

And I'll let him know
what sort of assistant he has.

And I'll be at that postmortem
and I'll see you proved wrong.

Then I'm gonna sue you!