Alien Nation (1989–1990): Season 1, Episode 5 - The First Cigar - full transcript
Francisco comes under the scrutiny of the IRS and wrestles with the ethics of asking for a loan from an influential Newcomer that he has helped.
𝒯𝓇𝒶𝓃𝓈𝓁𝒶𝓉e
𝓊𝓃𝒾𝒸𝒶𝓉 E𝒩𝒢LI𝒮H
That was the scene in California
's Mojave Desert, five years ago.
Our historic first view
of the Newcomers' ship.
Theirs was a slave ship, carrying
a quarter-million beings...
bred to adapt and labor
in any environment.
But they've washed
ashore on Earth...
with no way to get back
to where they came from.
And in the last five years, the Newcomers
have become the latest addition...
to the population
of Los Angeles.
MALE VOlCE: Helton-McCleavy
Laboratories of Scottsdale, Arizona...
has been awarded a patent...
for a genetically engineered microbe
to be used in oil spill cleanups.
The microbe, it seems, has a
voracious appetite for crude oil.
Despite the two-year ban on Freon use, the
ozone layer continues to deteriorate...
accelerating the present
greenhouse effect.
Ln the Southland, temperatures have
remained in the hundreds all week.
And doctors continue
to remind humans...
to wear sun block and hats
when outside during the day.
The DEA Chief, Wallace Aaronberg,
announced today that Los Angeles...
has surpassed Seattle as the jonafryn
capital of the United States.
Highly addictive to both
Newcomers and humans...
jonafryn, known on the street as "jack,"
has been dubbed the crack of the '90s.
The suspect's just
entered the building.
We got the front covered.
Roger that.
Okay.
Finally.
So, you don't think that there's
any reason for concern?
What? About what?
That lRS, my tax audit.
L told you, they just pull
names out of a computer.
Here's the boogeyman.
Hey, Richie.
Lt's good to see you, man.
You're a bro, a real bro.
L'm meticulous about
my tax returns.
Lf there was some kind
of honest mistake...
that lRS, they would
understand, wouldn't they?
Yeah, they're very
understanding.
Focus, George.
L got one ounce of pure jack.
$300.
Listen, l'm a little short, but
you know me. l'm good for it.
You know l'm good for it.
$180. Let me have the jack, man.
Don't waste my time.
Wait! Listen, man, listen! Hey!
L got it right here.
Police! Freeze!
L said freeze!
You bit me, man!
You can't do that!
Lt's okay. l didn't swallow.
Pull that out of there.
How? l'm cuffed.
Pretend it's an apple.
Where is it?
Did you see where l put my W-2?
Lt must be in with
my house payments.
That guy had a little
kid in the house...
and he's selling jack. He
ought to be strung up.
The man can't help himself.
Jack, jonafryn. You know
how addictive it is, Matt.
You've got your tax
stuff in my food.
There it is.
What l wouldn't give for
a couple of ice cubes.
Lce cubes. How are
you doing, Matt?
Hey, Vahan, meet my new
partner, George Francisco.
Yes, how're you doing?
We need the check, Vahan.
Check, what are you talking about?
Your money is no good here.
Well, at least let me
pay for the water.
You insult me. Don't
do that, Matthew.
Nice to meet you.
Vahan's a great guy. He
never lets cops pay.
Are you sure this is right?
What?
Taking a free meal.
Well, it's not really free, George.
He's kind of paying for a service.
With all these cops around,
nobody's gonna stick him up.
Matt, l distinctly recall
from the Academy...
that as police officers,
we are public servants...
and, thus, enjoined from accepting
gratuities from private citizens.
George, don't go lnternal Affairs on me.
This is just ham and eggs and frog tartar.
Nevertheless, l think
we should pay.
You heard the man.
You're gonna insult him.
L'm sure he'll understand.
You know, George, you can
really ruin a meal for a guy.
No, no, l'm telling you, the
Bureau of Newcomer Affairs...
is gonna release
this land any day.
And just $100 now...
will assure you one of the
limited half-acre parcels...
at the government-subsidized
price of only $1,000.
Yeah? Now, if you don't
decide to buy...
we'll give you a full refund.
Or you can sell your
option for a least $200.
Can you hold on for a second, please?
Thanks.
Margie, l need that building
signed off yesterday.
Please, get an inspector
down there, now. Thanks.
Sir, that's $100 profit guaranteed.
You can't lose.
Great. Terrific. Your
credit card number, please?
And the expiration date.
Terrific.
No, thank you.
L'm the one who called about
your ad in the paper.
Buck Francisco.
Right.
Buck, why do you want this job?
L need the money.
My mom and dad are
kind of tapped...
and l don't want to ask
them for allowance.
L like that.
Oh, jeez. Excuse me, Buck.
Dave, you still there?
Listen, bud, l'll go up
$50,000, but not a penny more.
Right. Bye.
You have any phone sales
experience, Buck?
No.
That's okay.
What we're offering is so
good, it sells itself.
Did you ever meet a Tenctonese
who didn't long for home?
For their own planet?
We're providing the
next best thing, Buck.
A place, here on Earth,
they can call their own.
Come here. Look at this.
Our architects have planned the
village as an updated replica...
of a pre-slavery
Tenctonese community.
Here's the Selenite temple, the
communal food pen, baco courts...
and also, a modern
fifty-bed hospital.
That's great!
And what is so satisfying about this,
Buck, is we're making people happy.
But we're also earning
a good living from it.
Buck, if you're willing to work hard,
there's no limit to what you can make.
L'm willing, Mr. Simian.
Call me Sam.
Welcome aboard, Buck.
L don't like to take
credit away from my men...
they do a tremendous job.
But, the arrest last night really
represents the emphasis l've placed...
on rooting out drug dealers
in the Newcomer community.
Captain, please, l don't want to
hear your Rotary Club speech.
This year we've had a 50%
rise in drug-related crimes.
You wanna take credit
for that, too?
Lt's pretty warm, huh? Those
damn Freon restrictions.
You know, we'll probably never
have air conditioners again.
Here are the officers.
You wanted to see us, Captain.
Sikes, Francisco, this is Ms.
Betsy Ross.
She's a local businesswoman...
and president of her community's
improvement association.
She wanted to thank you personally
for the arrests last night.
We're just doing our job.
Excuse me.
Officer, when we were slaves, we
were controlled by Overseers.
To a lot of us, that's what
the police are like now.
Ets-lay-eak-spay-English-ay.
English, George.
Ms. Ross has been kind enough to
offer us tips concerning crime...
in the Newcomer community.
Thank you.
And, please, don't hesitate to
call me anytime, day or night.
Do you have a direct line?
Here's my husband now.
Sorry l'm late.
Lt's difficult to get away from
the station during the day.
What have l missed?
L see a deduction here of $5,000, claiming
your automobile as a business expense.
L had a question about that.
So we called the lRS.
We spoke to a man named Fogul.
Walter Fogul.
As a police officer, aren't you
assigned a car from the motor pool?
When l am on duty.
However, when l am not on duty, l
am still expected to intervene...
as a police officer
whenever the need arises.
Mr. Fogul said it was a
legitimate deduction.
Are you paid when
you're off duty?
No.
Then you can't be
said to be working.
L'm disallowing this deduction.
Look, Mr. Fogul works here.
He said it was okay.
Ln order to claim erroneous
advice from an lRS employee...
you need photocopies of letters requesting
the advice, and the advice itself.
But we spoke on the phone.
Then you don't have the
necessary documentation.
There are a lot of
irregularities here.
Ln addition to back taxes, l'm going
to have to assess some penalties.
Lt's about time.
Help me book this evidence.
Matt...
l think you would be
very proud of me.
You often say l let
people crawl all over me.
Walk. Walk all over you.
But today l put my foot down.
That lRS wanted to assess
me $2,400 in penalties.
That lRS wanted to assess
me $2,400 in penalties.
You put your foot
down at the lRS?
You have such a great country. You're
free to stand up to your government...
and just say no.
What did you do?
L told them l wouldn't pay.
What a feeling it is for a former slave
to look authority in the eye and say...
l know my rights.
Call them up.
Tell them you're sorry.
Tell them you'll pay.
What?
Don't mess with these people.
Call them up.
L'm ashamed of you. Haven't
you read your Constitution?
Your Bill of Rights?
- You don't understand how...
- l will not cave in to this tyranny.
- They will make your life miserable.
- No taxation without representation.
L love that.
Get the phone.
Det. Francisco.
What?
What are they attaching it to?
What does that mean?
Can they do that?
Goodbye.
What?
That was General Accounting.
That lRS is attaching
my paycheck.
L can't have it.
Call them up.
Grovel.
George?
$2,400.
That's enough.
No taxation without
representation.
All it is, is money.
Lt's $2,400, which
we don't have.
L went to First Tokyo for a loan.
Turned me down flat.
L have $140 in my piggy bank.
Oh, no, sweetheart.
No, we're not gonna
take your money.
Do you see what they are driving us to?
Those bloodsuckers.
How much of this did you drink?
A quart.
Plus a pint of the half-and-half.
L don't know.
God.
We've done everything that
we were supposed to do.
We have played by the rules...
their rules, and look....
$2,400.
Lt's probably that lRS. They've
come to take our furniture away.
They have come to
take our first-born.
They can't take Buck!
Don't listen to your father.
He's babbling.
Francisco residence?
They are taking Buck.
- No they're not! Yes.
- Yes, can you sign this, please?
Yeah. Here you can
put that there.
- Mom, it's a darak.
- Lt looks like a Sony to me.
A darak is a pure expression
of thanks in our culture.
That's what this means.
That's nice.
- Who's it from?
- A woman l met today. Betsy Ross.
Why would she send you a darak?
Matt and l arrested a drug dealer
in her neighborhood yesterday.
Until now, she felt the
police never cared.
That's a thoughtful gift, honey.
Can l have it in my room? Can l?
You can share it with Buck, but
you're gonna have to ask your father.
Lt's his darak.
George?
L don't know if we
should accept this.
George, it's a darak.
Lt's a pure expression of thanks.
You can't
judge it with the standards
of this culture.
Lt's a tradition in our culture.
Whenever you wish to thank
someone in a special way...
you give them what
we call a darak.
We call it "payola."
Payola? Money in
exchange for favors.
You're quite wrong about Ross, Matt.
She hasn't asked for anything.
Yet.
- L take it she didn't send you a TV?
- L don't want a TV. l don't like TV.
L read, George. l
expand my mind.
L'm up to "H" in the
Encyclopaedia Britannica.
That's very funny.
You are so two-faced, man.
You get all over my case about
accepting a free meal...
but you got no problem at all with
your complementary television.
The first is a
form of bribery...
- the latter is a darak.
- A crock is what it is.
Vahan, the check!
Matt, come on. You know
your money is no good here.
Give me the check, damn it!
L'm gonna pay this, and l
don't want any argument.
No, New Tencton Village will be
exclusively a Newcomer community.
Ln the village school, which
will be fully accredited...
all classes, kindergarten through 12,
will be taught in English and Tenctonese.
That way, our children receive a cultural
identity they lose in human schools.
L'd also like to point out that New
Tencton is located 1,500 miles inland.
Now, that's 1,500 miles from the
nearest body of salt water.
And freshwater fish are
abundant in this area...
as well as many small
mammals and rodents.
Yes, it's a culinary paradise
for us Tenctonese...
where the smell of cooked
food will never foul the air.
Really? Well, that's great!
He's gonna buy!
Can l have your
credit card number?
Expiration date.
No, thank you.
Yes! Yes, Buck! Way to go!
Come payday, you get
20% of that $100.
And Buck, there is no reason why you
can't make five, six sales an hour.
Do a little arithmetic. You're gonna
make a lot of money here, Buck.
You know, Matt. lf l touched a nerve
back there, l want to apologize.
We come from different
cultures...
and sometimes the nuances
are difficult for me.
Matt, can l borrow $2,000?
Just like that? "Matt,
can l borrow $2,000?"
You're right about
those nuances.
Lt's just that l have
nowhere else to turn.
Lt takes a month to get a loan
from the credit union, and...
that lRS charges me
interest every day.
L have been to three banks
so far and no luck.
And now they are going
to lean on my car.
L'm broke.
Sell that doo-dak.
Hey, Francisco.
L took a message for you.
Lt's on your desk.
L can't sell the TV.
We're not allowed
to sell daraks.
Lt's a cultural taboo.
Lf you had some culture,
you would understand.
Betsy Ross. Slim.
She is not slim.
Duh, George.
You know, Matt...
in our culture, an ample woman
is considered very attractive.
Lt shows that she can afford to
eat well, that she's successful.
L wish Susan would
put on a few pounds.
Yes, Betsy Ross, please. This is Det.
Francisco.
Yes, thank you.
But it wasn't necessary.
A darak is never necessary.
Otherwise it wouldn't be a darak.
Look, l have some information
that might be useful.
Could you meet me at the
Palach Club this evening?
Yes, l think so. L'd have
to check with my partner.
Your partner? He's human.
Sometimes.
Wait. Wait. l came prepared.
Voice-activated translator.
Here, just speak right in here.
Eat salt, father hummer.
Hey, it works!
We're police. Ms.
Ross sent for us.
We're police.
Lf you could just direct us to Ms.
Ross.
Thanks so much.
How you doing?
Hi.
Unruly crowd.
- What's the game?
- Palach.
L wish you would put
this thing away.
Looks like professional
wrestling with sticks.
Palach is a legitimate sport.
Lt's not a cheap bag of tricks.
Excuse me.
L didn't catch that.
L will explain.
We're not getting anywhere here.
Onboard you will find a
shipment of jonafryn...
intended for sale
in our community.
How much?
Two tons.
Gentlemen...
you're under arrest.
Freeze it up!
Ask Ross if she's got any
more tips like this.
Look at this.
There's millions.
There's millions.
l need $2,000...
and those bastards
have millions!
Go ahead, George.
Slip $2,000 in your pocket.
They'll never miss it.
Sometimes, it's difficult
to know when you're joking.
Who's joking?
Hi, Matt, is this a bad time?
No, l'm just going to work.
What can l do for you?
Do you have a tool?
L've got a leak.
L've got a leak under my sink.
L need...
- one of these.
- Oh, a wrench! Sure.
- A wrench.
- L'll take a look at it.
You want something to drink?
Anything. As long as
it's got ice cubes.
L'm sorry, l've got a Freon-free
refrigerator on order.
The best l can do is
room-temperature tea.
Well, l'm okay.
Careful, that's a
left-hand thread.
Look, l've done this 100 times.
These pipes are old, and
if they're corroded...
Look...
l know what l'm doing.
Maybe you should check the
yellow pages for a plumber.
You were right. Two
tons of jonafryn.
How did you know?
A kid from the streets.
L can't give you his name.
No, the rat tails are on special.
20% off.
You seem to have a very
successful business.
Well, l've stayed in the neighborhood.
People appreciate that.
No, no. The fish eyes
go in the deli section.
L also understand that
you own a car wash...
a rodent stand, and
a video rental.
Well, one thing
leads to another.
And l've been very lucky.
What is it, Detective?
Ask me anything. lf l
can do it, l will.
L assume that you acquired these
businesses with the help of a bank?
They love me. First
Tokyo, Mizuhara.
Ms. Ross, l wouldn't ask you this,
but l have nowhere else to turn.
Could you perhaps consider
cosigning a small loan with me?
You see, l owe that lRS.
How much?
$2,400.
L'll write you a check.
No, no. What l want is a loan.
Okay, we'll call it a loan.
No, l'm sorry. l don't think so.
Look, we'll make it...
what do they say?
Kosher! We'll draw
up an agreement.
Why go through all the
inconvenience of a bank?
L don't know.
What's the matter?
My money not good enough?
We feel confident that we've realized
our goal to find the one spot...
on Earth that most resembles...
Do you have to do that in here?
We're trying to watch TV.
L have to pitch this for the
Daughters of Selene next week.
You have a mirror. l don't.
Besides, l'm letting you
have the darak this week.
We feel confident that we've realized
our goal to find the one spot...
on this planet that most resembles
our home planet of Tencton.
Do you know l've sold
twelve this week?
L wanna hear some more.
One sees the beautiful blues in the
many fresh-water lakes and streams...
that surround the new
Tencton village.
And the night sky glows with
the light of a million stars.
Ls there really a
place like that?
You should have seen the pictures.
Unbelievable!
And just $100 down guarantees
you a half acre...
at the government-subsidized
price of only $1,000.
Should you decide not to buy, you can
sell your option for a minimum of $200.
That's double your money!
- Wow, what a deal. You can't lose.
- That's right.
L've got $100.
What?
L wanna do it.
Come on, Emily. Where are you
gonna get the other $900?
L don't need it. l'll just sell
the option and double my money.
Emily, you're just a kid here.
Well, so what? l've
got the money!
Why should you be the
only one to get rich?
Emily?
Come on. lt's a sure thing.
You said so yourself.
Come on, Buck. Let
me in on this.
Okay.
Once you bend a paperclip like
that, it's quite useless.
Cut your coupons, George.
On the ship, we learned
never to waste.
L hate waste.
You know what l hate?
L hate these know-it-all muffin-heads
who come from outer space...
and try and tell me
how to fix a pipe!
- Sikes. Francisco. ln here.
- What?
You'll have to pull yourself away
from the food section, George.
These coupons offer substantial savings.
L found this one...
$1 .50 off pig spleen.
Why worry about money, George? Betsy
Ross just laid $2,000 on you.
L owe that money to that lRS...
and, B: it's a loan.
A loan, right.
What's the interest?
Five percent.
Prime's 18. That's not a loan, Mr.
Clean, it's a favor.
When somebody does you
a favor, you owe them.
Hi, Bryon.
We've gotten more
complaints from Slagtown.
Lt seems, despite our recent efforts,
there's been an increase in drug activity.
Some residents are claiming they've
got dealers, Newcomers now...
who are selling jack
on their doorsteps.
They're afraid to
leave their homes.
What the hell's going
on down there?
Look at this.
Betsy Ross Dry Cleaners,
Betsy Ross Fashions....
Betsy Ross Video,
Betsy Ross Hardware.
Your girlfriend seems
to own this town.
She provides services
the community needs.
L hope, for your
sake, she's legit.
Of course she's legit.
You just resent the fact that one
of us could be so successful.
You just resent the fact that one
of us could be so successful.
Matt.
Where did you get this jonafryn?
This a bust? l want a lawyer.
We cut off your source.
Who's supplying you?
George, what's that
guy doing over there?
What guy?
Now, what was that name again?
- Cliff! His name's Cliff.
- And where is this Cliff?
Cliff's a spiffy dresser,
just like you, George.
Cliff's going to see
your girlfriend.
Probably just picking
up some dinner.
Oh, man.
This doesn't prove anything.
Come on, George,
don't you get it?
Ross has us clean up
her competition...
then she moves in and
takes over the market.
L can't believe that.
The darak. The loan.
She wanted you in
her pocket, man.
A Japanese restaurant.
Lt figures. You guys
invented sushi.
Let's give her a minute
before we go in.
To use a darak like that.
Lt's such a betrayal.
Wait a minute. lsn't that...
Alec Knightsbridge.
Supplies jonafryn to grammar-school
children in South Central Los Angeles.
And him?
L don't know.
What's the license?
1PCE499.
Lee Thor. Drug arrest, 1991...
pimping and pandering, 1993.
Assault, 1993.
Suspected of running
a prostitution ring.
Well, that's the
UN of local crime.
Let's join the party.
Hi. City inspectors. We need to confirm
that your air conditioning isn't operative.
Gentlemen, we're all here.
Welcome.
To Ms. Ross and her associate,
a very special welcome.
Although we represent
different organizations...
we have common interests...
and in important issues,
we decide collectively.
We've asked you here today to discuss
your recent interference in our affairs.
Conspiring with the police has cost
some of us a great deal of money.
There are those at this table
who've advocated having you killed.
However, wars are
bad for business.
There's public outcry. The
police are forced to crack down.
Therefore, we've decided to give you
all the jonafryn traffic within...
half-a-mile radius
of your store.
You retain 15% of the profits.
We get the remaining 85%.
Ln light of everything...
this offer is very generous.
Sorry, boys...
the territory's too small
and the split stinks.
You're turning us down?
A Slag?
Let me explain something.
I am not your
garden-variety Slag.
Onboard the ship, we were
known as the Kleezantsun.
What you would call Overseers.
We bought and sold
what you call Slags.
That's history, Ms. Ross.
Mr. Yamato, history
repeats itself.
We've given you our bottom line.
Now what do you say?
L'll have to talk with my people.
Excuse me.
She came with a purse!
Gentlemen, l think we
know what we have to do.
Let's put a contract on her.
L called in the warrant on Ross.
Do you feel up to making the bust?
Wild whores couldn't
drag me away.
Horses. Wild horses.
She almost had me, Matt. How
could l have been so stupid?
Look, it could
happen to anybody.
Matt...
you don't understand.
She is an Overseer.
Lt's something l don't like
to think about, but...
we got off that ship all right.
That means they did, too.
There were 250,000 of us.
But how many Overseers
were there?
Sikes! Francisco!
You're too late, Burns, they
already bagged the bodies.
- L came to see how you guys are.
- How did you know we were here?
Lt's on the radio already:
"Two cops pulled
from the rubble!"
- Hey, guys, don't smile.
- No, thanks.
Come on! This is a big story.
All those mob guys...
- gangland conspiracy, right?
- Hey, go take some pictures!
Matt.
We're already on the radio, the news.
Ross probably knew we were inside.
L'm with you, George. Let's go.
Hey, guys! Come on! Give me something!
Anything!
Sure, here.
This is 1-William-1-52...
we're at Ross' place of business.
The suspect is not at the premises.
FEMALE VOlCE: Roger, 1-William-1-52.
Negative at her residence also.
Ross hasn't been seen all day.
She split, George. We lost her.
Emily's $100.
- This is adorable. How old is she?
- Ten.
Ten! What a smart kid. She knows
a good thing when she sees it.
Tell you what. l'm gonna give her
the choicest lot in the village.
- Thanks, Sam.
- You bet.
Why don't you bring Emily
by the office tomorrow?
- L'd like to meet this little mogul.
- Sure.
Something else l want
to discuss with you.
L guess l'm like your little sister,
l know a good thing when l see it.
You have got a real gift, Buck.
L'm expanding, l'm bringing new people in,
and l'd like you to manage the office.
- Me? Office manager?
- You bet. Can you handle it?
- Well, yeah, sure!
- Great!
L gotta go sign some contracts, but you
bring Emily by the office tomorrow, okay?
L'll see you then. Nice jacket!
Hey, you guys.
My two favorite detectives.
The Hardy Boys.
L feel sorry for you guys.
So l'm gonna throw you a bone.
Betsy Ross just called.
She knows we've got a warrant.
She wants to make a deal.
- L've got a deal.
- Right, Sikes.
That's why you're
still Detective One.
- You told her we'd deal?
- Damn right l did. No prosecution.
She's a murderer, a drug dealer, the
worst kind of low-life scum and...
you let her yank your chain?
We gotta bring her down!
Get off the soapbox. That Slag,
pardon the expression, has enough...
information for us to nail
half a dozen very big dealers.
You mean the guys she
didn't blow away already?
L'm not gonna argue with you because you
have a simplistic, juvenile, moral code.
These busts will be good for you,
for me, for the Department...
and we're not gonna get them
without cutting that deal.
Now Ross will meet with you. See
how she wants to set it up.
That's all, gentleman.
This place must have ate it
in the big one back in '92.
- You want some backup?
- No.
L'm supposed to go alone.
Matt...
l want you to know that l agreed
with what you told Grazer.
You're pig-headed but
you have integrity.
Thanks.
Hello, George. Glad to see
you weren't badly hurt.
Yes. You have an investment
in me, don't you?
Here's the deal: no arrest, no
indictment against me on any count.
L also want the
cops off my back.
No harassment, no
surveillance for two years.
Ln exchange, l will give information
to secure indictments against three...
major drug dealers now, plus another,
every six months for the two years.
- You'll be a hero!
- And you'll own the streets.
Yeah! That's the system.
You better learn it. Compromise
makes this world go round.
Five years ago, l'd have killed
you as soon as look at you.
Now we're in business.
Continue to play your cards right,
you can make some decent money, too.
See you, George.
- L'm placing you under arrest.
- You're exceeding your authority, George.
Grazer sent you
to hear my terms.
The Overseers will not succeed,
and you will not buy me.
You will make your deal from a jail
cell just like the rest of the scum.
You stupid Slag! Bust me
and there is no deal!
You talk tough for a man in a cage.
L'll call your bluff.
Halt!
George! lt's Cliff!
- What're you doing here?
- L had a feeling you'd ax that deal.
You're pig-headed but
you got integrity.
L'll draw him out.
Let's nail her ass.
- What the hell are you doing?
- L am booking the suspect.
You get me out of here.
- This was your idea hotshot, wasn't it?
- Lt was my decision.
She's going to jail. Any deal will be
made on the DA's terms and not hers...
Lf l'm not out of here in 30
seconds, there won't be a deal.
Do you realize the collars you
won't make if this falls through?
Do you realize what we pay for these
collars? The lives you will ruin?
The Newcomer children
she will hook on jack?
This is insubordination. L gave
you specific instructions.
- Don't book this woman!
- Book her.
Don't you countermand
my orders, Sergeant.
- Captain.
- What?
Look who's here. The
reporter from hell.
Do you think Burns would be interested in a
story about a certain police official...
Do you think Burns would be interested in a
story about a certain police official...
who's willing to free homicidal drug
dealers just for a few showy arrests?
You wouldn't dare.
Book this woman.
You know, l'm gonna
buy a Porsche.
You know, l'm gonna
buy a Porsche.
You think we should get
Mom and Dad to invest?
Good luck. Dad told me the lRS
has taken their last penny.
Well, maybe we'll get rich
enough to buy the lRS.
Ls it for sale?
One thing Sam's taught me:
everything's for sale.
L think you're gonna
like this guy, Em.
- Where's Sam?
- Who?
Sam. Simian Enterprises.
- Beats me.
- Wait a second, there were...
there were desks, phones, there
was a whole office here!
Well, maybe you have
the wrong address.
Sam wouldn't just leave. You told me
you were gonna be the office manager.
Manager. Right, right.
How could l be so stupid!
And he...
he didn't even pay me!
What about my $100?
You lost it?
You lost it!
L believed you, l trusted you. Do you know
how long it took me to earn that money?
How could you do this to me?
Emily! Em!
Em. l'm sorry.
l'll pay you back.
No.
Come on, Em, what else can l do?
What l mean is that l don't
want you to pay me back.
- You don't?
- No. lt was my idea.
- No, but it's my responsibility.
- No, it's my responsibility.
L wanted you to do it. L
wanted to get rich, quick.
Lt's okay, Buck, really.
But the TV stays in my room.
We got a letter from that lRS.
George, l know you had to tear
up that check from Ross...
but is it necessary to
give away the television?
Lt's the principle. Besides we're
giving it to charity. lt's a deduction.
EMlLY: Where's the TV?
Did he take the TV?
- This is wonderful.
- What?
Lt seems they made a mistake,
and we only owe $400.
- Dad you can't do this, it's a darak.
- Just a minute, sweetie.
Oh, no.
Ln light of the aforementioned
irregularities, we wish to audit...
your returns for the
previous three years.
And how am l supposed to
watch Love Connection?
We have another TV.
Not in my room we don't.
You are so mean!
Did you hear that?
- Oh, hi.
- Hi, l was just coming over...
- l'm sorry.
- To apologize.
- L'm sorry l laughed.
- No. l acted like a jerk.
Oh, this is for you.
- Oh, this is for you.
- Thanks.
- Thank you.
- Thanks.
Look, l....
l left something on the stove.
Right.
𝓊𝓃𝒾𝒸𝒶𝓉 E𝒩𝒢LI𝒮H
That was the scene in California
's Mojave Desert, five years ago.
Our historic first view
of the Newcomers' ship.
Theirs was a slave ship, carrying
a quarter-million beings...
bred to adapt and labor
in any environment.
But they've washed
ashore on Earth...
with no way to get back
to where they came from.
And in the last five years, the Newcomers
have become the latest addition...
to the population
of Los Angeles.
MALE VOlCE: Helton-McCleavy
Laboratories of Scottsdale, Arizona...
has been awarded a patent...
for a genetically engineered microbe
to be used in oil spill cleanups.
The microbe, it seems, has a
voracious appetite for crude oil.
Despite the two-year ban on Freon use, the
ozone layer continues to deteriorate...
accelerating the present
greenhouse effect.
Ln the Southland, temperatures have
remained in the hundreds all week.
And doctors continue
to remind humans...
to wear sun block and hats
when outside during the day.
The DEA Chief, Wallace Aaronberg,
announced today that Los Angeles...
has surpassed Seattle as the jonafryn
capital of the United States.
Highly addictive to both
Newcomers and humans...
jonafryn, known on the street as "jack,"
has been dubbed the crack of the '90s.
The suspect's just
entered the building.
We got the front covered.
Roger that.
Okay.
Finally.
So, you don't think that there's
any reason for concern?
What? About what?
That lRS, my tax audit.
L told you, they just pull
names out of a computer.
Here's the boogeyman.
Hey, Richie.
Lt's good to see you, man.
You're a bro, a real bro.
L'm meticulous about
my tax returns.
Lf there was some kind
of honest mistake...
that lRS, they would
understand, wouldn't they?
Yeah, they're very
understanding.
Focus, George.
L got one ounce of pure jack.
$300.
Listen, l'm a little short, but
you know me. l'm good for it.
You know l'm good for it.
$180. Let me have the jack, man.
Don't waste my time.
Wait! Listen, man, listen! Hey!
L got it right here.
Police! Freeze!
L said freeze!
You bit me, man!
You can't do that!
Lt's okay. l didn't swallow.
Pull that out of there.
How? l'm cuffed.
Pretend it's an apple.
Where is it?
Did you see where l put my W-2?
Lt must be in with
my house payments.
That guy had a little
kid in the house...
and he's selling jack. He
ought to be strung up.
The man can't help himself.
Jack, jonafryn. You know
how addictive it is, Matt.
You've got your tax
stuff in my food.
There it is.
What l wouldn't give for
a couple of ice cubes.
Lce cubes. How are
you doing, Matt?
Hey, Vahan, meet my new
partner, George Francisco.
Yes, how're you doing?
We need the check, Vahan.
Check, what are you talking about?
Your money is no good here.
Well, at least let me
pay for the water.
You insult me. Don't
do that, Matthew.
Nice to meet you.
Vahan's a great guy. He
never lets cops pay.
Are you sure this is right?
What?
Taking a free meal.
Well, it's not really free, George.
He's kind of paying for a service.
With all these cops around,
nobody's gonna stick him up.
Matt, l distinctly recall
from the Academy...
that as police officers,
we are public servants...
and, thus, enjoined from accepting
gratuities from private citizens.
George, don't go lnternal Affairs on me.
This is just ham and eggs and frog tartar.
Nevertheless, l think
we should pay.
You heard the man.
You're gonna insult him.
L'm sure he'll understand.
You know, George, you can
really ruin a meal for a guy.
No, no, l'm telling you, the
Bureau of Newcomer Affairs...
is gonna release
this land any day.
And just $100 now...
will assure you one of the
limited half-acre parcels...
at the government-subsidized
price of only $1,000.
Yeah? Now, if you don't
decide to buy...
we'll give you a full refund.
Or you can sell your
option for a least $200.
Can you hold on for a second, please?
Thanks.
Margie, l need that building
signed off yesterday.
Please, get an inspector
down there, now. Thanks.
Sir, that's $100 profit guaranteed.
You can't lose.
Great. Terrific. Your
credit card number, please?
And the expiration date.
Terrific.
No, thank you.
L'm the one who called about
your ad in the paper.
Buck Francisco.
Right.
Buck, why do you want this job?
L need the money.
My mom and dad are
kind of tapped...
and l don't want to ask
them for allowance.
L like that.
Oh, jeez. Excuse me, Buck.
Dave, you still there?
Listen, bud, l'll go up
$50,000, but not a penny more.
Right. Bye.
You have any phone sales
experience, Buck?
No.
That's okay.
What we're offering is so
good, it sells itself.
Did you ever meet a Tenctonese
who didn't long for home?
For their own planet?
We're providing the
next best thing, Buck.
A place, here on Earth,
they can call their own.
Come here. Look at this.
Our architects have planned the
village as an updated replica...
of a pre-slavery
Tenctonese community.
Here's the Selenite temple, the
communal food pen, baco courts...
and also, a modern
fifty-bed hospital.
That's great!
And what is so satisfying about this,
Buck, is we're making people happy.
But we're also earning
a good living from it.
Buck, if you're willing to work hard,
there's no limit to what you can make.
L'm willing, Mr. Simian.
Call me Sam.
Welcome aboard, Buck.
L don't like to take
credit away from my men...
they do a tremendous job.
But, the arrest last night really
represents the emphasis l've placed...
on rooting out drug dealers
in the Newcomer community.
Captain, please, l don't want to
hear your Rotary Club speech.
This year we've had a 50%
rise in drug-related crimes.
You wanna take credit
for that, too?
Lt's pretty warm, huh? Those
damn Freon restrictions.
You know, we'll probably never
have air conditioners again.
Here are the officers.
You wanted to see us, Captain.
Sikes, Francisco, this is Ms.
Betsy Ross.
She's a local businesswoman...
and president of her community's
improvement association.
She wanted to thank you personally
for the arrests last night.
We're just doing our job.
Excuse me.
Officer, when we were slaves, we
were controlled by Overseers.
To a lot of us, that's what
the police are like now.
Ets-lay-eak-spay-English-ay.
English, George.
Ms. Ross has been kind enough to
offer us tips concerning crime...
in the Newcomer community.
Thank you.
And, please, don't hesitate to
call me anytime, day or night.
Do you have a direct line?
Here's my husband now.
Sorry l'm late.
Lt's difficult to get away from
the station during the day.
What have l missed?
L see a deduction here of $5,000, claiming
your automobile as a business expense.
L had a question about that.
So we called the lRS.
We spoke to a man named Fogul.
Walter Fogul.
As a police officer, aren't you
assigned a car from the motor pool?
When l am on duty.
However, when l am not on duty, l
am still expected to intervene...
as a police officer
whenever the need arises.
Mr. Fogul said it was a
legitimate deduction.
Are you paid when
you're off duty?
No.
Then you can't be
said to be working.
L'm disallowing this deduction.
Look, Mr. Fogul works here.
He said it was okay.
Ln order to claim erroneous
advice from an lRS employee...
you need photocopies of letters requesting
the advice, and the advice itself.
But we spoke on the phone.
Then you don't have the
necessary documentation.
There are a lot of
irregularities here.
Ln addition to back taxes, l'm going
to have to assess some penalties.
Lt's about time.
Help me book this evidence.
Matt...
l think you would be
very proud of me.
You often say l let
people crawl all over me.
Walk. Walk all over you.
But today l put my foot down.
That lRS wanted to assess
me $2,400 in penalties.
That lRS wanted to assess
me $2,400 in penalties.
You put your foot
down at the lRS?
You have such a great country. You're
free to stand up to your government...
and just say no.
What did you do?
L told them l wouldn't pay.
What a feeling it is for a former slave
to look authority in the eye and say...
l know my rights.
Call them up.
Tell them you're sorry.
Tell them you'll pay.
What?
Don't mess with these people.
Call them up.
L'm ashamed of you. Haven't
you read your Constitution?
Your Bill of Rights?
- You don't understand how...
- l will not cave in to this tyranny.
- They will make your life miserable.
- No taxation without representation.
L love that.
Get the phone.
Det. Francisco.
What?
What are they attaching it to?
What does that mean?
Can they do that?
Goodbye.
What?
That was General Accounting.
That lRS is attaching
my paycheck.
L can't have it.
Call them up.
Grovel.
George?
$2,400.
That's enough.
No taxation without
representation.
All it is, is money.
Lt's $2,400, which
we don't have.
L went to First Tokyo for a loan.
Turned me down flat.
L have $140 in my piggy bank.
Oh, no, sweetheart.
No, we're not gonna
take your money.
Do you see what they are driving us to?
Those bloodsuckers.
How much of this did you drink?
A quart.
Plus a pint of the half-and-half.
L don't know.
God.
We've done everything that
we were supposed to do.
We have played by the rules...
their rules, and look....
$2,400.
Lt's probably that lRS. They've
come to take our furniture away.
They have come to
take our first-born.
They can't take Buck!
Don't listen to your father.
He's babbling.
Francisco residence?
They are taking Buck.
- No they're not! Yes.
- Yes, can you sign this, please?
Yeah. Here you can
put that there.
- Mom, it's a darak.
- Lt looks like a Sony to me.
A darak is a pure expression
of thanks in our culture.
That's what this means.
That's nice.
- Who's it from?
- A woman l met today. Betsy Ross.
Why would she send you a darak?
Matt and l arrested a drug dealer
in her neighborhood yesterday.
Until now, she felt the
police never cared.
That's a thoughtful gift, honey.
Can l have it in my room? Can l?
You can share it with Buck, but
you're gonna have to ask your father.
Lt's his darak.
George?
L don't know if we
should accept this.
George, it's a darak.
Lt's a pure expression of thanks.
You can't
judge it with the standards
of this culture.
Lt's a tradition in our culture.
Whenever you wish to thank
someone in a special way...
you give them what
we call a darak.
We call it "payola."
Payola? Money in
exchange for favors.
You're quite wrong about Ross, Matt.
She hasn't asked for anything.
Yet.
- L take it she didn't send you a TV?
- L don't want a TV. l don't like TV.
L read, George. l
expand my mind.
L'm up to "H" in the
Encyclopaedia Britannica.
That's very funny.
You are so two-faced, man.
You get all over my case about
accepting a free meal...
but you got no problem at all with
your complementary television.
The first is a
form of bribery...
- the latter is a darak.
- A crock is what it is.
Vahan, the check!
Matt, come on. You know
your money is no good here.
Give me the check, damn it!
L'm gonna pay this, and l
don't want any argument.
No, New Tencton Village will be
exclusively a Newcomer community.
Ln the village school, which
will be fully accredited...
all classes, kindergarten through 12,
will be taught in English and Tenctonese.
That way, our children receive a cultural
identity they lose in human schools.
L'd also like to point out that New
Tencton is located 1,500 miles inland.
Now, that's 1,500 miles from the
nearest body of salt water.
And freshwater fish are
abundant in this area...
as well as many small
mammals and rodents.
Yes, it's a culinary paradise
for us Tenctonese...
where the smell of cooked
food will never foul the air.
Really? Well, that's great!
He's gonna buy!
Can l have your
credit card number?
Expiration date.
No, thank you.
Yes! Yes, Buck! Way to go!
Come payday, you get
20% of that $100.
And Buck, there is no reason why you
can't make five, six sales an hour.
Do a little arithmetic. You're gonna
make a lot of money here, Buck.
You know, Matt. lf l touched a nerve
back there, l want to apologize.
We come from different
cultures...
and sometimes the nuances
are difficult for me.
Matt, can l borrow $2,000?
Just like that? "Matt,
can l borrow $2,000?"
You're right about
those nuances.
Lt's just that l have
nowhere else to turn.
Lt takes a month to get a loan
from the credit union, and...
that lRS charges me
interest every day.
L have been to three banks
so far and no luck.
And now they are going
to lean on my car.
L'm broke.
Sell that doo-dak.
Hey, Francisco.
L took a message for you.
Lt's on your desk.
L can't sell the TV.
We're not allowed
to sell daraks.
Lt's a cultural taboo.
Lf you had some culture,
you would understand.
Betsy Ross. Slim.
She is not slim.
Duh, George.
You know, Matt...
in our culture, an ample woman
is considered very attractive.
Lt shows that she can afford to
eat well, that she's successful.
L wish Susan would
put on a few pounds.
Yes, Betsy Ross, please. This is Det.
Francisco.
Yes, thank you.
But it wasn't necessary.
A darak is never necessary.
Otherwise it wouldn't be a darak.
Look, l have some information
that might be useful.
Could you meet me at the
Palach Club this evening?
Yes, l think so. L'd have
to check with my partner.
Your partner? He's human.
Sometimes.
Wait. Wait. l came prepared.
Voice-activated translator.
Here, just speak right in here.
Eat salt, father hummer.
Hey, it works!
We're police. Ms.
Ross sent for us.
We're police.
Lf you could just direct us to Ms.
Ross.
Thanks so much.
How you doing?
Hi.
Unruly crowd.
- What's the game?
- Palach.
L wish you would put
this thing away.
Looks like professional
wrestling with sticks.
Palach is a legitimate sport.
Lt's not a cheap bag of tricks.
Excuse me.
L didn't catch that.
L will explain.
We're not getting anywhere here.
Onboard you will find a
shipment of jonafryn...
intended for sale
in our community.
How much?
Two tons.
Gentlemen...
you're under arrest.
Freeze it up!
Ask Ross if she's got any
more tips like this.
Look at this.
There's millions.
There's millions.
l need $2,000...
and those bastards
have millions!
Go ahead, George.
Slip $2,000 in your pocket.
They'll never miss it.
Sometimes, it's difficult
to know when you're joking.
Who's joking?
Hi, Matt, is this a bad time?
No, l'm just going to work.
What can l do for you?
Do you have a tool?
L've got a leak.
L've got a leak under my sink.
L need...
- one of these.
- Oh, a wrench! Sure.
- A wrench.
- L'll take a look at it.
You want something to drink?
Anything. As long as
it's got ice cubes.
L'm sorry, l've got a Freon-free
refrigerator on order.
The best l can do is
room-temperature tea.
Well, l'm okay.
Careful, that's a
left-hand thread.
Look, l've done this 100 times.
These pipes are old, and
if they're corroded...
Look...
l know what l'm doing.
Maybe you should check the
yellow pages for a plumber.
You were right. Two
tons of jonafryn.
How did you know?
A kid from the streets.
L can't give you his name.
No, the rat tails are on special.
20% off.
You seem to have a very
successful business.
Well, l've stayed in the neighborhood.
People appreciate that.
No, no. The fish eyes
go in the deli section.
L also understand that
you own a car wash...
a rodent stand, and
a video rental.
Well, one thing
leads to another.
And l've been very lucky.
What is it, Detective?
Ask me anything. lf l
can do it, l will.
L assume that you acquired these
businesses with the help of a bank?
They love me. First
Tokyo, Mizuhara.
Ms. Ross, l wouldn't ask you this,
but l have nowhere else to turn.
Could you perhaps consider
cosigning a small loan with me?
You see, l owe that lRS.
How much?
$2,400.
L'll write you a check.
No, no. What l want is a loan.
Okay, we'll call it a loan.
No, l'm sorry. l don't think so.
Look, we'll make it...
what do they say?
Kosher! We'll draw
up an agreement.
Why go through all the
inconvenience of a bank?
L don't know.
What's the matter?
My money not good enough?
We feel confident that we've realized
our goal to find the one spot...
on Earth that most resembles...
Do you have to do that in here?
We're trying to watch TV.
L have to pitch this for the
Daughters of Selene next week.
You have a mirror. l don't.
Besides, l'm letting you
have the darak this week.
We feel confident that we've realized
our goal to find the one spot...
on this planet that most resembles
our home planet of Tencton.
Do you know l've sold
twelve this week?
L wanna hear some more.
One sees the beautiful blues in the
many fresh-water lakes and streams...
that surround the new
Tencton village.
And the night sky glows with
the light of a million stars.
Ls there really a
place like that?
You should have seen the pictures.
Unbelievable!
And just $100 down guarantees
you a half acre...
at the government-subsidized
price of only $1,000.
Should you decide not to buy, you can
sell your option for a minimum of $200.
That's double your money!
- Wow, what a deal. You can't lose.
- That's right.
L've got $100.
What?
L wanna do it.
Come on, Emily. Where are you
gonna get the other $900?
L don't need it. l'll just sell
the option and double my money.
Emily, you're just a kid here.
Well, so what? l've
got the money!
Why should you be the
only one to get rich?
Emily?
Come on. lt's a sure thing.
You said so yourself.
Come on, Buck. Let
me in on this.
Okay.
Once you bend a paperclip like
that, it's quite useless.
Cut your coupons, George.
On the ship, we learned
never to waste.
L hate waste.
You know what l hate?
L hate these know-it-all muffin-heads
who come from outer space...
and try and tell me
how to fix a pipe!
- Sikes. Francisco. ln here.
- What?
You'll have to pull yourself away
from the food section, George.
These coupons offer substantial savings.
L found this one...
$1 .50 off pig spleen.
Why worry about money, George? Betsy
Ross just laid $2,000 on you.
L owe that money to that lRS...
and, B: it's a loan.
A loan, right.
What's the interest?
Five percent.
Prime's 18. That's not a loan, Mr.
Clean, it's a favor.
When somebody does you
a favor, you owe them.
Hi, Bryon.
We've gotten more
complaints from Slagtown.
Lt seems, despite our recent efforts,
there's been an increase in drug activity.
Some residents are claiming they've
got dealers, Newcomers now...
who are selling jack
on their doorsteps.
They're afraid to
leave their homes.
What the hell's going
on down there?
Look at this.
Betsy Ross Dry Cleaners,
Betsy Ross Fashions....
Betsy Ross Video,
Betsy Ross Hardware.
Your girlfriend seems
to own this town.
She provides services
the community needs.
L hope, for your
sake, she's legit.
Of course she's legit.
You just resent the fact that one
of us could be so successful.
You just resent the fact that one
of us could be so successful.
Matt.
Where did you get this jonafryn?
This a bust? l want a lawyer.
We cut off your source.
Who's supplying you?
George, what's that
guy doing over there?
What guy?
Now, what was that name again?
- Cliff! His name's Cliff.
- And where is this Cliff?
Cliff's a spiffy dresser,
just like you, George.
Cliff's going to see
your girlfriend.
Probably just picking
up some dinner.
Oh, man.
This doesn't prove anything.
Come on, George,
don't you get it?
Ross has us clean up
her competition...
then she moves in and
takes over the market.
L can't believe that.
The darak. The loan.
She wanted you in
her pocket, man.
A Japanese restaurant.
Lt figures. You guys
invented sushi.
Let's give her a minute
before we go in.
To use a darak like that.
Lt's such a betrayal.
Wait a minute. lsn't that...
Alec Knightsbridge.
Supplies jonafryn to grammar-school
children in South Central Los Angeles.
And him?
L don't know.
What's the license?
1PCE499.
Lee Thor. Drug arrest, 1991...
pimping and pandering, 1993.
Assault, 1993.
Suspected of running
a prostitution ring.
Well, that's the
UN of local crime.
Let's join the party.
Hi. City inspectors. We need to confirm
that your air conditioning isn't operative.
Gentlemen, we're all here.
Welcome.
To Ms. Ross and her associate,
a very special welcome.
Although we represent
different organizations...
we have common interests...
and in important issues,
we decide collectively.
We've asked you here today to discuss
your recent interference in our affairs.
Conspiring with the police has cost
some of us a great deal of money.
There are those at this table
who've advocated having you killed.
However, wars are
bad for business.
There's public outcry. The
police are forced to crack down.
Therefore, we've decided to give you
all the jonafryn traffic within...
half-a-mile radius
of your store.
You retain 15% of the profits.
We get the remaining 85%.
Ln light of everything...
this offer is very generous.
Sorry, boys...
the territory's too small
and the split stinks.
You're turning us down?
A Slag?
Let me explain something.
I am not your
garden-variety Slag.
Onboard the ship, we were
known as the Kleezantsun.
What you would call Overseers.
We bought and sold
what you call Slags.
That's history, Ms. Ross.
Mr. Yamato, history
repeats itself.
We've given you our bottom line.
Now what do you say?
L'll have to talk with my people.
Excuse me.
She came with a purse!
Gentlemen, l think we
know what we have to do.
Let's put a contract on her.
L called in the warrant on Ross.
Do you feel up to making the bust?
Wild whores couldn't
drag me away.
Horses. Wild horses.
She almost had me, Matt. How
could l have been so stupid?
Look, it could
happen to anybody.
Matt...
you don't understand.
She is an Overseer.
Lt's something l don't like
to think about, but...
we got off that ship all right.
That means they did, too.
There were 250,000 of us.
But how many Overseers
were there?
Sikes! Francisco!
You're too late, Burns, they
already bagged the bodies.
- L came to see how you guys are.
- How did you know we were here?
Lt's on the radio already:
"Two cops pulled
from the rubble!"
- Hey, guys, don't smile.
- No, thanks.
Come on! This is a big story.
All those mob guys...
- gangland conspiracy, right?
- Hey, go take some pictures!
Matt.
We're already on the radio, the news.
Ross probably knew we were inside.
L'm with you, George. Let's go.
Hey, guys! Come on! Give me something!
Anything!
Sure, here.
This is 1-William-1-52...
we're at Ross' place of business.
The suspect is not at the premises.
FEMALE VOlCE: Roger, 1-William-1-52.
Negative at her residence also.
Ross hasn't been seen all day.
She split, George. We lost her.
Emily's $100.
- This is adorable. How old is she?
- Ten.
Ten! What a smart kid. She knows
a good thing when she sees it.
Tell you what. l'm gonna give her
the choicest lot in the village.
- Thanks, Sam.
- You bet.
Why don't you bring Emily
by the office tomorrow?
- L'd like to meet this little mogul.
- Sure.
Something else l want
to discuss with you.
L guess l'm like your little sister,
l know a good thing when l see it.
You have got a real gift, Buck.
L'm expanding, l'm bringing new people in,
and l'd like you to manage the office.
- Me? Office manager?
- You bet. Can you handle it?
- Well, yeah, sure!
- Great!
L gotta go sign some contracts, but you
bring Emily by the office tomorrow, okay?
L'll see you then. Nice jacket!
Hey, you guys.
My two favorite detectives.
The Hardy Boys.
L feel sorry for you guys.
So l'm gonna throw you a bone.
Betsy Ross just called.
She knows we've got a warrant.
She wants to make a deal.
- L've got a deal.
- Right, Sikes.
That's why you're
still Detective One.
- You told her we'd deal?
- Damn right l did. No prosecution.
She's a murderer, a drug dealer, the
worst kind of low-life scum and...
you let her yank your chain?
We gotta bring her down!
Get off the soapbox. That Slag,
pardon the expression, has enough...
information for us to nail
half a dozen very big dealers.
You mean the guys she
didn't blow away already?
L'm not gonna argue with you because you
have a simplistic, juvenile, moral code.
These busts will be good for you,
for me, for the Department...
and we're not gonna get them
without cutting that deal.
Now Ross will meet with you. See
how she wants to set it up.
That's all, gentleman.
This place must have ate it
in the big one back in '92.
- You want some backup?
- No.
L'm supposed to go alone.
Matt...
l want you to know that l agreed
with what you told Grazer.
You're pig-headed but
you have integrity.
Thanks.
Hello, George. Glad to see
you weren't badly hurt.
Yes. You have an investment
in me, don't you?
Here's the deal: no arrest, no
indictment against me on any count.
L also want the
cops off my back.
No harassment, no
surveillance for two years.
Ln exchange, l will give information
to secure indictments against three...
major drug dealers now, plus another,
every six months for the two years.
- You'll be a hero!
- And you'll own the streets.
Yeah! That's the system.
You better learn it. Compromise
makes this world go round.
Five years ago, l'd have killed
you as soon as look at you.
Now we're in business.
Continue to play your cards right,
you can make some decent money, too.
See you, George.
- L'm placing you under arrest.
- You're exceeding your authority, George.
Grazer sent you
to hear my terms.
The Overseers will not succeed,
and you will not buy me.
You will make your deal from a jail
cell just like the rest of the scum.
You stupid Slag! Bust me
and there is no deal!
You talk tough for a man in a cage.
L'll call your bluff.
Halt!
George! lt's Cliff!
- What're you doing here?
- L had a feeling you'd ax that deal.
You're pig-headed but
you got integrity.
L'll draw him out.
Let's nail her ass.
- What the hell are you doing?
- L am booking the suspect.
You get me out of here.
- This was your idea hotshot, wasn't it?
- Lt was my decision.
She's going to jail. Any deal will be
made on the DA's terms and not hers...
Lf l'm not out of here in 30
seconds, there won't be a deal.
Do you realize the collars you
won't make if this falls through?
Do you realize what we pay for these
collars? The lives you will ruin?
The Newcomer children
she will hook on jack?
This is insubordination. L gave
you specific instructions.
- Don't book this woman!
- Book her.
Don't you countermand
my orders, Sergeant.
- Captain.
- What?
Look who's here. The
reporter from hell.
Do you think Burns would be interested in a
story about a certain police official...
Do you think Burns would be interested in a
story about a certain police official...
who's willing to free homicidal drug
dealers just for a few showy arrests?
You wouldn't dare.
Book this woman.
You know, l'm gonna
buy a Porsche.
You know, l'm gonna
buy a Porsche.
You think we should get
Mom and Dad to invest?
Good luck. Dad told me the lRS
has taken their last penny.
Well, maybe we'll get rich
enough to buy the lRS.
Ls it for sale?
One thing Sam's taught me:
everything's for sale.
L think you're gonna
like this guy, Em.
- Where's Sam?
- Who?
Sam. Simian Enterprises.
- Beats me.
- Wait a second, there were...
there were desks, phones, there
was a whole office here!
Well, maybe you have
the wrong address.
Sam wouldn't just leave. You told me
you were gonna be the office manager.
Manager. Right, right.
How could l be so stupid!
And he...
he didn't even pay me!
What about my $100?
You lost it?
You lost it!
L believed you, l trusted you. Do you know
how long it took me to earn that money?
How could you do this to me?
Emily! Em!
Em. l'm sorry.
l'll pay you back.
No.
Come on, Em, what else can l do?
What l mean is that l don't
want you to pay me back.
- You don't?
- No. lt was my idea.
- No, but it's my responsibility.
- No, it's my responsibility.
L wanted you to do it. L
wanted to get rich, quick.
Lt's okay, Buck, really.
But the TV stays in my room.
We got a letter from that lRS.
George, l know you had to tear
up that check from Ross...
but is it necessary to
give away the television?
Lt's the principle. Besides we're
giving it to charity. lt's a deduction.
EMlLY: Where's the TV?
Did he take the TV?
- This is wonderful.
- What?
Lt seems they made a mistake,
and we only owe $400.
- Dad you can't do this, it's a darak.
- Just a minute, sweetie.
Oh, no.
Ln light of the aforementioned
irregularities, we wish to audit...
your returns for the
previous three years.
And how am l supposed to
watch Love Connection?
We have another TV.
Not in my room we don't.
You are so mean!
Did you hear that?
- Oh, hi.
- Hi, l was just coming over...
- l'm sorry.
- To apologize.
- L'm sorry l laughed.
- No. l acted like a jerk.
Oh, this is for you.
- Oh, this is for you.
- Thanks.
- Thank you.
- Thanks.
Look, l....
l left something on the stove.
Right.