Alias Smith and Jones (1971–1973): Season 3, Episode 3 - The McCreedy Feud - full transcript

Patrick "Big Mac" MacCreedy is tired of years of feuding with the neighboring Amandariz family, whose land abuts his own and is occasionally shaped by the Rio Grande. So he hires Heyes and Curry to try to negotiate a settlement. They put on their game faces and have their hats in hand as they visit the Armaendariz mansion, and get the expected rebuff. But there is a new player in the game -- Armandariz's spinster sister, who is even less friendly than he but who has a deeply religious streak. Heyes and Curry play on that, telling her that MacCreedy is a Catholic widower and piling on the soft soap (some of which is actually true). Carlotta, the sister, decides to investigate MacCreedy herself. There may be a way out of the feud after all. This was the writing debut of Juanita Bartlett for Roy Huggins, who brought her over to "The Rockford Files" a couple of years later; he soon left but she stayed for the whole run and worked extensively with Huggins protégé' Stephen J. Cannell before starting her own company as a producer.

Heyes, you've got a good head for figures?

Uh-huh, of all kinds.

How many times have I asked you what we're doing here?

Too many times.

Well, that's a shame 'cause I'm about to ask you again.

What are we doing here?

We got 500 good reasons for being here, Kid.

You can count 'em yourself when we get finished.

Yeah, I never saw a coffin yet that had pockets in it.

What's got you so spooked?

My memory, Heyes.
We've been here before.



Well, that time we were here to steal something.

This time we're emissaries of peace and goodwill.

Yeah, well how do we let them know that?

They start shooting first and asking questions later.

I still rather ride under here under a white flag

Kid, I'm surprised at you.

Don't you remember how cordial Armendariz
was to us the last time we were here?

Cordial!?
Did you say cordial?

We were bound, gagged, threatened,

darn near killed.

That was an unfortunate misunderstanding.

Well, you're half right.

There's also 5 months ago and my ribs still hurt.

Believe me, Kid, you got nothing to worry about.



Armendariz is one of the most civilized man I've ever met.

I'll lay odds we'll get a welcome we'll...

Alto!

Manos arriba!

...never forget?

Hannibal Heyes and Kid Curry.

The two most successful outlaws
in the history of the West.

And in all the trains and banks they robbed,
they never shot anyone.

This made our two
Kansas cousins very popular.

With everyone
but the railroads and the banks.

One thing we gotta get Heyes.
What's that?

Outta this business.

The governor can't come flat out
and give you amnesty now.

First you gotta prove you deserve it.

Lom, are you saying that all
we have to do is stay out of trouble

until the governor figures
that we deserved amnesty?

And in the meantime
we'll still be wanted?

That's true.

Till then only you me and the governor
will know about it.

It'll be our secret.

That's a good deal?

I sure wish the governor would let a
few more people in on our secret.

Sorry.

It's kind of like seeing an old friend.

We're here to see Señor Armendariz.

He's not here.

May I be of help?

I'm Señor Armendariz' sister.

It's a real pleasure.

No, hold it.

It's a real pleasure to meet you, ma'am.

We've been looking forward to it.

I'm Joshua Smith and this...

this is Thaddeus Jones.
Ma'am.

I'm Carlotta Armendariz.

Perhaps I should apologize

for their rather unconventional way you were brought here.

Don't you give it a thought, ma'am.

But the men are well-trained

I noticed.
Hand-picked.

And their duty is to ensure the integrity over our boundaries.

Particularly the boundaries between my country and yours.

You didn't see the sign?

You mean that wants to see no trespassing?

Well, I pointed 'em out to my friend one by one all the way down here.

Not that they needed pointing out.
Hard to miss.

You got him posted in all the right spots.

Yet you trust to ignore them?

Well, naturally being here on legitimate business.

Say, when do you think your brother will be back?

In a few hours.

Do you mind if we wait for him?

Not at all!
In fact,

I insist that you wait.

Well, thank you ma'am, that's very kind of you.

Mr. McCreedy is gonna be real pleased.

Mr. McCreedy?

Miss Armendariz,

I can see, that by mentioning of Mr. McCreedy has upset you some.

They breed cattle in Texas.

They also breed swine.

You know, sometimes I get the feeling Big Mac's not too well-liked.

You know, sometimes I get the same feeling about us.

Miss Armendariz.

What?

Was just thinking.

Don't.
Please, Heyes, don't think.

Your thinking is the one sure way I know of a buy-in trouble.

What do you and I been trying to stay out of?

Yeah.

What are you and I in right now?

That's kind of a...

...jail, Heyes.
The word for it's jail.

Kid, you're putting the saddle on the wrong horse.

We're not in jail, we're gonna be out of here like that.

Just as soon as Armendariz gets back.

Any minute.

Any minute.

What I say?

What you not said it's how long ago you said it.

Mr. Smith, Mr. Jones, seeing you again is an unexpected...

...well, it is unexpected.

It's good to see you again, too, sir.

I trust you are rested after your long ride.

Your sister made us feel real comfortable.

Splendid.

Because a ride back is just as long.

You should make Red Rock by a nightfall.

Mr. Armendariz you haven't heard what we came for yet.

Now, I've heard who you came from and that is enough.

Ah, but Mr. McCreedy has a proposition.

In which I have not the slightest interest.

Señor Armendariz it'd be to your advantage to hear us out.

Knowing McCreedy my advantage would not be what he had in mind.

You both look exceptionally well, did I mention that?

It would be a shame if, in overstaying your welcome, you left looking less well.

Good day, gentlemen.

Come on.

That's cordial: here's your gun, here's your horse.

Adios, what's your hurry?

Well, Kid,

What are we gonna say to Big Mac?

That's not the question, Heyes. The
question is what's Big Mac gonna say to us.

Jackass stubborn!

He just can't seem to believe you have his best interests at heart.

Well, I don't.
I got my own interests to worry about.

Fighting that man costing me too much cash too much time,

my good disposition and my stomach.

Your stomach?

Yes, my stomach.

He don't even have to make move, don't even have to say a thing,

it's just hearing his name.

Armendariz.

Yeah, Armendariz.

What are you gonna do with a boundary that's got a mind of its own?

Every time that River changes course,

I am out land and cattle.

And he's out land and cattle.

Don't make no sense whatsoever and he won't sit down with me,

trying to figure out a way that we can start using that land,

so one of us don't always end up and get him skinned.

I'll be frank with you boys.

You've never seen a man as sick and tired of boiled eggs and milk toast as me.

Stomach.

Well, thanks for trying, boys.

Mac you're upset,

so I guess it just slipped your mind

the $500 you owe us.

What 500?

The 500 you agreed to pay.

There's not a meeting between me and Armendariz.

Would you did it?

Do I look like a man who's gonna buy a bearskin

from somebody that don't have the bear?

Now, you're not backing out on us Mac.

That was a firm offer.

Well, the offer is still firm.
You come through and I'll come through.

Good-night, boys.

Wait a minute, Mac, I got...

Just hold on, Kid.

Don't tell him about it.

We don't owe him a thing,

after what he's pulled on us.
Come on!

No, no...

The Kid's got something to say,
and no harm in hearin' him out.

Just forget it, Mac!

I don't want to forget it.

Now, what is it that you won't him tell me, huh?

Well,

we got us a bear, Mac,

I'll tell you that much.

But you ain't buying and...

we ain't giving it away.

Who says that I ain't buying?

You don't take me serious about that 500, do you?

That money's yours, boys.

You know that.

If nothing else you know, I'm a man of my word.

You figured out some way to set up that meeting?

No, we figured a way of solving your whole problem.

For all time.

We did?

We did.

Tell him about, Heyes.

Not for 500.

That only covers the trip we've already made.

Well now,

I want to be fair with ya.

You know I'm not one for pinching pennies.

Oh, come on, Mac, we've both seen you squeeze a silver dollar till the Eagle screamed.

Well I don't believe in throwing money away, if that's what you're saying but

What kind of money you talkin' about?
5,000.

Five...
...thousand!

500 guaranteed and 45 hundred

only if the plan works.

And I'm not talking about just setting up a meeting.

I'm talking about solving your entire problem.

Go on!
What's the plan?

Armendariz has a sister.

Yeah, I know that dried up, ugly old maid.

Ugly?

Well now, obviously you've never seen the woman.

Well it don't make no difference what she looks like, just tell me the plan.

She's the plan.

Now you sure you give it to me straight, boys.

She's beautiful?

Mac the kind of beauty you can't put into words.

Well I don't understand how she comes to take this interest in me.

Well, she's a special kind of woman.

Takes a special kind of man to catch your fancy.

You know there's a time for modesty, Mac, but this ain't it.

We get the two of you together,

you turn on all that natural charm and she'll go back to her brother and speak out.

Before you know it, this whole thing will be settled

All right, boys.

But remember, I only pay

if it works.

Will never work, Heyes, she hates his guts.

She's never met him.

And she's a woman.

A lonely woman who needs a good man.

Big Mac?

Kid, what does Santa Marta mean to?

Well, means never having to run anymore,
but we're not in Santa Marta.

We will be as soon as we get that $5,000 stake, safe, sound and sitting pretty.

Well, there's only a few things standing in our way.

Armendariz, Carla, Big Mac...

Alto!

Manos arriba!

...and them.

No, not that one. The other one.
The long one. That one.

Antonio, leave them.

Go away, José.

My brother was gracious enough

to allow you to leave, the last time you trespassed.

I'm afraid he will be less tolerant this time.

We've always found your brother to be a fine man - and fair.

Speaking of which,

Mr. McCreedy asked us to give you his personal regards.

He does me not honor.

Oh, you have Big Mac all wrong, ma'am.

Why do you insist on speaking to me of a man

for whom I have nothing but distaste?

Fat, cowardly...

Patrick J. McCready, fat?

Fat.

They call him Big Mac because he's big,

but fat?

No, ma'am.

Oh, he may be carrying a few pounds more than he should, but he's a rich man.

He can afford to live well and he does.

But cowardly?

Why,

with my own eyes I've seen him back down a half a dozen of the meanest...

you'll remember, Thaddeus?

He did it with a look.

Why, there isn't a braver tougher man in all of Texas.

Big Mac,

he's charming, he's witty.

This is not what I have heard.

Well, if you'll pardon me for saying this,
ma'am, you may not have heard a completely

unbiased account of Big Mac.

My opinion of Senor McCreedy
is of no importance.

Well, it is to him, ma'am.

Miss Armendariz, we got no right telling you this,

as a matter of fact, Mac had probably skinned me if he knew I let you in on it.

But...

how I wouldn't feel,

it wouldn't be fair leaving you with the wrong impression of a man who

admires you -
the way he does.

Why he'd admired me?

We have never met.

Well, I guess it's all the things he's heard about you.

What has he heard?

Well, I didn't feel I had the right to ask that.

But whatever it was, you sure made an impression.

Did he hear I was young,
beautiful...

or did he hear I was a fool?

I'm sorry, Mr. Smith,

I am none of those things.

Does he honestly believe I can be flattered into influencing my brother in his behalf?

He is the fool, gentleman,

not I.

Big Mac is not witty, he is not charming.

And she didn't believe a word we said.
I thought she was gonna laugh in our faces.

She didn't laugh, she listened.

The trouble with you, Kid, is you're always looking to see how everything can go wrong

I'm looking to see how it can go right.

Besides,

I'm holding an ace up my sleeve.

What ace?

Something been around since Adam and Eve.

Uh-huh.

Well, there goes Eve.

Are you troubled by mosquitoes in the United States?

Here during the rainy season sometimes the air is thick with them.

They fly into your face and buzz around your ears.

A lesson in persistence, but maddening.

What can one do?

Well, you could always little move on,
out of your territory.

Ah, but they refuse to go.

No, as much as one regret violence,
they must be destroyed.

Then they are at peace...

and so are you.

Señor Armendariz you're not considering anything...

...final.

'Cause Thaddeus and me...

We were discussing mosquitoes.

No, sir, I don't think we were.

McCreedy hired us to deliver a message, that's all.

Now, if you would at least let us tell you what it is - fine.

Joshua and me did a lot of hard riding for nothing.

All right, the answer's no, but deliver your message.

It's about the problem you got having a river as a boundary between your two ranches.

My government and yours are the only ones able to resolve their situation and they won't

or haven't.

In the interests of peace and being a good neighbor

Mac's willing to sell you a large piece of his land.

Oh...

That way when the river moves over it's still your land.

And the river moves over does my land without buying it.

No - I think we can consider the discussion at an end.

For the last time, gentlemen, you are free to go.

Señor...
Enough!

You may leave - permanently

or you may stay -
permanently.

The choice is yours.

Gentlemen.

Well, you won't get away with it, Heyes.

It's all gonna go as planned.

Not the way I planned, that I never planned end up under six feet of Mexico.

Even got a full moon, that'll help.

Carlotta will not give you 5 minutes.

You got a lot to learn about women, Kid.

Yeah? Well, I'd rather learn from my own mistakes, not yours.

Wait until he works his way around back.

That's her window up there.

Yeah, you think that's her window.

Kid, I've been blessed with a couple of things I can't take credit for.

Call 'em gifts.

One of them this card sense

and the other ones the trackin' sense of a hound dog.

Are you really sure?
I'm absolutely positive.

This is her room.

Miss Armendariz?

Hands up!

Hands up!

Guards, guards!

You had a purpose in returning here, what was it?

No, sir, we plain got ourselves lost.

Boys.

Enough, enough.

I ask you: what's your purpose in returning here?

And I told you, we got ourselves completely turn around out there.

When we found out we were right back where we started, we decided to wake somebody.

Asked if we could sleep in the barn.

We knocked in a window because we don't want to rouse the whole house

You're lying - both of you.

But having you under lock and key is not so bad an idea.

Tomorrow, my men will escort you to the border.

It would be unfortunate,

even fatal

if you should lose yourselves again.

Ma'am,

I don't want to be putting it any more trouble,

but the fact is, Thaddeus and me were planning on

having supper when we get back to Red Rock.

Then getting turned around at all...

Ah, a remiss of me as a host even an unwilling one.

Got a lot there. Will you be good enough to see that something is prepared for them?

Of course.

Thank you, sir.

Not at all.

And now if there's nothing else,

I'll see you gentlemen in the morning,

for the last time.

Well I've gotta hand it to you, Heyes.

What you don't haven't got sense you make up for nerve.

Asking for food?

Can you think of a better way to get to talk to her alone? And besides, I'm hungry.

So am I, but what makes you think she's gonna be the one that comes back?

And I got a feeling.

I hope your feelings better than your talent for trackin' - hound dog!

Now, Kid you're backing me up on this, aren't you?

Oh, yeah, I'm back in you.

In case you haven't noticed, I haven't got any choice!

But there is a question I'd like to ask you first.

What's that?

McCreedy and Armendariz have been taking potshots at each other for years, right?

Dealing. Double-dealing.
Who is it wins every hand?

Armendariz.
Never loses.

Kid, look on the bright side.
There's got to be a first time.

Miss Armendariz,

we weren't entirely honest with your brother.

A confession you should make to him not to me.

No, ma'am, to you,

'cause you're the reason we're here
and we risk our lives coming back.

Ah, we...

...gotta talk to you alone.

You may speak freely.

They don't listen, these men,
don't understand your language.

It's Patrick J. McCreedy, ma'am.

We told you he wanted to come down here to talk about that boundary.

Well, he wanted to come down here, all right,

but that boundary had nothing to do with it.

He wanted to meet you, ma'am.

Why?

We told you before he's heard a lot about you and

after we had the pleasure to meet you in person,

we sort of filled in the details.

What details?

The kind of woman you are:

strong,
proud,

dignified.

You see, Joshua and me were wondering why a man like Big Mac

with everything he's got going for him why he never got married.

Well, like I guess it's because he never met his match.

You see, Mac as a kind of man that likes spirit and a woman.

And you got plenty of that ma'am.

Are you proposing a meeting or a marriage?

A meeting...
...to start off with!

He'd gravely?

not only to assume that I would have any interest in meeting the man,

but marriage?

To someone I don't know?

A Yankee Protestant?

McCreedy?

He's a Catholic!

A Catholic in Texas?

There aren't many of them there, that's true.

Of course,

that's probably another reason why Mac stayed single all these years.

Now, what do you say, ma'am?

Any time, any place you choose and with a chaperone.

The man just wants to meet you.

Charming...
witty...

and devout.

Kind of has you up there on a pedestal.

What we tell him?

Tell him to take me down.

Pedestals are uncomfortable

and unbecoming,
except for a saint.

Incredible, that's for sure. Incredible.

Adam and Eve...

I can't figure it, Kid.

It started with two, now the whole world's crawling with people.

It's been working for a lot of years.

Why not now?

Like you said, there's a first time for everything.

Well, at least he's letting us go.

Lot of good it does us with Mac.

I had the 5,000 in one pocket and our ticket to Santa Marta in the other.

Mr. Smith.
Ma'am.

Last night you mention it,

that Mr. McCreedy is a Catholic.

Devout.

It's hard to find him off his knees.

Where does he attend Mass?

There is no Catholic Church on Red Rock, is there?

Well, no, that's one of the things that makes it hard on him.

He puts in a lot of miles come Sunday.

Does he know about our church in Mataska?

You know that town?
Not many miles from here.

Yeah, we know it.

Don't misunderstand me.

As I said,

I have no interest in the man.

But as a fellow Christian

I have concern for his soul.

Well, that's very kind of you, ma'am.

Recommend the church in Mataska.

It's very beautiful,

very old

and Father Ramirez a gentle and understanding man.

He will even welcome a Texan.

We'll pass that along to Big Mac.
He'll thank you, ma'am.

You visit the church much yourself?

Regularly.

For example this Friday,
my saint's day.

The men are ready.

Good day, gentlemen.

Kid, I just got back my faith in human nature.

My compliments to Adam and Eve.

You know, if you can manage to stop looking so pleased with yourself,

I'd like to point out we've got a problem.

Not only is Big Mac not great in
witting and charming, he is not Catholic.

We can't let little things like that interfere with our plans.

Mataska, huh?

Friday?

Well, boys, I tell you the fact, I didn't think you could do it.

I didn't think that you could pull it off.

A call for a drink.

I think you better make it two.

Mac, you got a problem.

You're not gonna tell me how to handle women.

I've been doing just fine for a long time.

That's not the problem we had in mind.

Now, what is it?

We told her you were a Catholic.

How'd you boys know that?

We have our way of finding things out, Mac.

But don't you worry, your secret's safe.

After all, you know something even worse about us.

What is it?

Mack, we got to talk to you.

Can't talk in church.

Got some important news for you, Mac.

Think you ought to hear it right away.

Outside.

Go on!

I'll be out in a minute.

Alright, alright, what's the trouble?

You two look to me like you just been hit by a saddle pack.

We got terrible news.

I don't know how to tell you.

Well, just start talking, that's best way.

It's Carlotta Armendariz.
She's been kidnapped, Mac.

Kidnapped?

Kidnapped...

No use in keeping your voice down the whole town knows.

How can a thing like this happen?

Armendariz will kill me!

Why would he want to kill you?

You didn't have anything to do with it.

Yeah, you think he'll believe that?

Now, she's a heading for Mataska,
and I'm sitting here in Mataska.

What's that sound like to you?
Bad timing.

We gotta do something!
What we're gonna do?

Hey, we're gonna head for home.

Maybe Armendariz won't find out I've been here, huh?

No,

you're a hard man to miss in a small town like this.

And if Armendariz does find out and jumps to the wrong conclusion...

Kid's right, we gotta try and find her.

Now, you are out of your mind.

This is Mexico!

Well, you don't know the country and I don't know what either.

Why, I wouldn't even know where to start looking.

We gotta start here.

Start how?

What we do...

You boys are not making sense!

Well, Mac, if you're right about Armendariz, your life is on the line.

And we can do something.

Yeah?
Such as what?

You got much cash with you?

Crash?
Why?

Yes, always good enough for...

anything that comes up.

Good.

We can start asking questions right now.

Like I said, the whole town is talking about it.

With a little luck, we'll be able to buy all the information we need.

Well,

I guess it's worth a try.

Yeah.

You know, Kid,

I kind of feel responsible for what happened to her.

Naw, Heyes, she was coming to Mataska anyway.

Yeah, but I guess there's more than that.

She's really a fine woman.

Yeah, but money not only talks, it gets answers.

Miss, Armendariz?

Yes?

Patrick J. McCreedy, your servant, ma'am.
You're alright now, you're safe.

How did you find me?

Do you know we were...
...kidnapped?

Mataska's talking about nothing else.

They hold you in high regard, you and your whole family, ma'am.

Mr. McCreedy, I...
I'm sorry, but I still don't...

It's a lucky thing my being there.

I wouldn't have been there, if you hadn't told my friends about the church.

I was sitting in the back pew and I got the word.

Ma'am, I was shocked!

I said to my friends,

there's a fine lady in mortal danger,

now, with or without you I intend to find her and see those cutthroats sent to...

well, you know where they are now.

Miss Armendariz,

Everything's all settled, Mr. McCreedy.
We have team all hitched.

What about the...

you know.

The what?

The bodies.
I'm sorry, ma'am.

They've been taken care about -
out of the way.

Then it's time we see this lady safely home.

I wish we could ride you all away a home, ma'am,

but I'm not too sure we'd get a friendly reception from your brother.

You saved my life, Señor McCreedy.

My brother is not an ungrateful man. I'm sure he will want to thank you personally.

Might be better if you broke it to him slowly, about me finding you, I mean.

Then if you got no objections, I'd like...

well, I'd like to ask his permission to call on you.

I will be honored.

I'm a plain talkin' man, Miss Armendariz.

When the boys told me about you, I thought they might be exaggerating.

I've known 'em to stretch the truth a little bit, but the fact is

They didn't come close to doing you justice.

They spoke to me of you also,

of your courage,

which you demonstrated tonight.

But...

they neglected to mention your gallantry.

Would it be any help,

me handling the rig part of the way back?

A great help Señor.

Dale las riendas.

Come along, boys,

want you to lead my horse.

You go ahead, Mac, we'll catch up with you.

We'll wait here and make sure everything's all right.

That we won't be followed.

I'll be doggone.

You know what you're looking at, Kid?

Our ticket to Santa Marta.

Ain't nothing gonna stop us now.

Well, I didn't believe it but I do now.

Hurry it up, boys, on your feet!

Well, boys, it's all clear.

Don't make any noise.

Get out of here and we'll talk to you later.

Go on, get moving!

Those shots could have been heard for 10 miles, go on!

Come on, get up.

Come on, Heyes, you know how it goes.

Put up your hands and smile.

I do not believe a word of it!

There is not a man in all of Mexico who would dare kidnapped the sister of an esta Armendariz.

Your sister told you...

what she was expected to tell me -
What I was expected to believe!

How convenient that it happened to be McCreedy to perform so heroic rescue.

Of course, it was convenient he arranged it!

That's not true. We're the ones that heard it ourselves at Mataska and we told him.

I see, in Mataska.

And what was he doing in Mataska?

He was in church.

In church?
It's a side of Mac you don't know.

Church?

Sitting in the last pew.

I've sent my men to the place where my sister was held.

When they return with the bodies of those dead Bandidos, then perhaps...

I don't think they're gonna find any bodies.
Uh-huh?

Dead men seldom get up and walk away.

Well, when Joshua me were riding out we

spotted a couple of 'em.
I guess we didn't get them all.

They were heading back towards the shack.

They probably went to give their friends a

decent Christian burial.
It's what I'd do for Thaddeus.

Thanks, Joshua.
I'd do the same for you.

You may both have that opportunity if you continue lying to me.

McCreedy arranged the kidnapping, didn't he?

No, he didn't.

I'll take a Bible oath Mac
didn't know a thing about it.

Aim for their heads.

I've heard enough of your lies!
Now, I shall have the truth.

We've been telling you the truth.

Ready!

You have one last chance, gentlemen.

McCreedy arranged the entire thing, didn't he?

Señor Armendariz,

we don't want to get our head shot off.

So, the easiest thing in the world for us to do right now

would be to say, yes, McCreedy arranged it.

We'd like to say that.

But we can't.

Because he didn't.

Señor Armendariz,

your sister is missing.

She's gone.

She disappeared?
Yes.

Get the horses!

Let's go!
Let's go, boys!

Gentlemen, my sister is missing.

Perhaps kidnapped again, although I find that rather difficult to believe,

for as I said there is not a man in or Mexico who would dare such a thing.

I prefer to assume that McCreedy is behind these unusual happenings.

I intend to hold one of you here,

the other will go find McCreedy and bring him to me.

If he is innocent, he will come willingly.

If he is not...

I suggest, that you see he comes anyway.

But if you fail to return with him,

the man who remains here will be shot.

You have 5 minutes to make up your mind,

who will stay and who will go.

Lock the door.

Think he means it?

Oh, I think he means it.

Hard decision.

Not really.

Flip for it?

No, Heyes

since this whole rotten thing was your idea,

you stay.
I'll go get McCreedy.

For once in my life I'll have to agree with you, Kid.

You were right, Armendariz never loses.

I should have kept that in mind.
I'll stay.

Only one thing,
just for your consideration...

The truth is...

Well, the truth is, I stand a better chance of talking back into coming back than you do.

What do you want?

We decided.

I'm going.

... os declaro marido y mujer.

I now pronounce you man and wife.

In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen.

Y lo que Dios ha unido,

no debe el hombre lo separarse.

And whom God has joined together

let no man put asunder.

I'm surprised Armendariz didn't shoot you.

Man doesn't kill his brother-in-law

especially if he wants to keep his sister and happy.

And don't interrupt me when I'm counting!

And all that boundary business is settled, right?

Never have to worry about that, again.

You mean, Armendariz bought that land you were trying to sell him?

Now, the whole area that keeps changing from the Mexican side to the American side,

well, you see Armendariz he doesn't own that anymore,

but neither do I.

Who does own it?

My wife.

Go on, boys, take your money.

$250 apiece.

Now, wait a minute Mac, we agreed on 5,000.

That's twenty-five hundred apiece not two fifty.

You wouldn't expect me to pay you

for something you had nothing to do with, would you?

Nothing to...?

We set the whole thing up!

Oh, no, you set up a meeting in Mataska which Carlotta never got to.

It's fate!
Fate!

has that extra 4,500 comin,

not you boys.

And if I hadn't insisted on going after...

You had insisted...
Yeah!

Hold on, Kid

Would you mind stepping outside for a minute, Mac?

You calling me out?

No, I'm not calling you out, I'm asking you out.

And bring all your money.

Who are they?

These are the fellas we killed, saving Carlotta.

We'd like you to meet 'em.

I don't understand. What about all that shooting back and forth there?

Well now, Mac, we were aiming to miss

and you weren't really shooting much at all, now were you?

Well, you mean you fellas set the whole thing up yourselves?

Well, we underestimated you Mac.

Yes sir, we thought you'd need a lot of help with Carlotta.

Now you owe each one of these gentlemen here $100.

Well, I'm not paying $100.

Boys,

now you've heard us talk about Kyle Murtry,

Lobo there,

Lean MacLean,

Old Nose Swinburne

and Dutch O'Reilly.

Devil's Hole Gang?

Well, part of it.

That's the main part, Mr. McCreedy.

But we know you're a fair man.

'Cause Heyes and the Kid told us so.

Alright, alright.

just get out of here before my wife's hunch it.

Well, thank you, Mr. McCreedy.

I guess we'll be moving along.

So long, boys.

If she ever found out.

Don't worry about a thing, Mac, your wife will never find out.

'Cause Heyes and me will never tell her.

Not for love nor money.

Well, maybe for money.

$5,000 as agreed.

As agreed.

As agreed.

Kid, we can't go to Santa Marta.

What are you talking about?
We're halfway there.

I know, but we can't go.

Heyes, correct me if I'm wrong,

but didn't we just almost get ourselves killed twice just so we could get to Santa Marta?

Now, I got to correct you, Kid.

You can't get yourself killed twice.

One time is the limit even for us.

You know what I meant.

Why all of a sudden can't we do what we've been talking about

doing ever since we got the money to do it with.

We'd look too suspicious.

The two of us just decided to settle down in Santa Marta, Mexico.

There's an ingredient missing.

Maybe you just tired.

Well, we make camp here.

Good idea.

Now, what?

Kid, I think I know what that missing ingredient is.

Brains?

A gal, Clementine.

Come on!

I still think the missing ingredient is brains!