Alfred Hitchcock Presents (1955–1962): Season 7, Episode 23 - Profit-Sharing Plan - full transcript

It's Miles Cheever's last day at work as he is retiring after 20 years of service. His boss and colleagues throw a little farewell party for him at the office and give him his going away ...

Good evening and happy birthday,

I’m somewhat afraid to cut this cake,

the last time I attempted that,

a young lady stepped out,

it was extremely unnerving,

especially since it was
obvious she was no lady,

however there's little chance of a
recurrence of that memorable event,

but our celebration is a more formal one,

the company is commemorating my many
years of servitude,

this time they will probably give me
black birds,

while I’m cutting this
I believe my employer,

wishes to make a short speech
and present us with a story.


Oh, mr Cheever,

somebody told me today's
your last day, is that right?

-Well I just want to wish you good luck.

-I mean in case I don't see you later
-Well thank you, that's very nice.

I uh say they got you working right up
to the end, huh?

-Well business is business. -Yeah,
that's what they tell me,

take care now.

You didn't think we let you
get away without a party,

did you know Miles, after all
you've been with us for 20 years...

Oh well I uh thought you
wanted these papers mr Dougherty.

Oh that was just a
trick to get you out of the office,

we've been planning this all week.

Why shouldn't I
file them?

Look at him, I wish the rest
of you were this conscientious,

just put them in there on my desk Miles
they're not important. -All right sir.

Now we need some ice cubes,
can you get those?

and mix please and miss Lemmon the cups...

Come on Bobo, what's keeping you.

-you're the guest of honor.
-I’ll be right there mr Dougherty.

Miles, come on don't drink it all at once.

Well everybody got a drink. Yeah good.

Miles can you sit right down over here.

Sit here next to me,

there, you know, I’m really gonna miss you,

Uh-huh, now it comes out,

admit it, you and miss Lemmon have
been carrying on behind our backs.

Honestly I mean I’m a married man.

Oh all the good ones are taken.

Well uh people,

I’d just like to say a few words,

and I promise I’ll make them brief,

the end of an era is not a time for

it's to time for thought,

and when Miles Cheever leaves,

this office today it will
be the end of an era,

a time for all of us here at Cumberland

to take stock of ourselves and of our

say yes to you Miles a toast,

to your 20 years of loyal service,

we're really gonna miss you fella.

-Come on. -I don't know what to say,

Look he's blushing.

You don't have to say anything
Miles your work speaks for itself,

and now I’d like to present you with a
little token of our esteem,

-uh, where did I put that?
-Rudy has it.

Oh really yes thank you,

here you are Miles a little
going away present from all of us.

Well this is very nice of you.

Open it.

We thought you might want to write your
memoir someday.

-This is very nice.
-Read the card.

To mr Cheever from the gang at the
office well, thank you,

I I certainly do appreciate it.

Nothing at all, nothing at all,

well almost closing time Miles,

-best of luck to you. -Thank you sir.

You'll keep in touch.

-Oh yes sir.
-Fine bye,

well the rest of you aren't retiring today so,

I’ll see you all on Monday morning.

And then what happened?

Well then mr Dougherty
made a speech about,

how my leaving marked the passing of an era,

it was really quite

and then we had drinks,

in was paper cups of all things.

It sounds like mr Dougherty,

probably made everyone chip in it,

wouldn't surprise me if you deducted
the party from your paycheck maybe,

other companies they give a banquet when
a man retires,

it's a special occasion,

to hire a room in a

you serve a dinner,

do they give you a gift at least?

-is this all?
-That's all.

Well they didn't even have your name engraved
on it.

Engraving costs money.

Not even a wristwatch,

I think it's a shame,

imagine, after all those years and
this is what they think of you,

you were nothing but a cog in a machine

someone who just took up space in an


they're not going to get away with it,

we'll show them, won't we?

Yes I grew up.

After all how do they expect people
to live on the pensions they pay,

-Of course it is, in the old days,

I thought that when you retired,

we should take a nice long
drive across the country,

you've always wanted to travel and I
was hoping we could stop by in Cleveland,

see my sister,

but now,

I realize that's not enough,

after all those years of work you
deserve much more.

I suppose I do.

You're a man who appreciates
the good things in life,

there's only one way to get them,

that right Miles?

-Well I better get started.
-More coffee? -No thanks,

-might as well get it over with.
-Yes you're right,

no sense putting things off is there,

how long do you think you'll be?

-Not more than an hour, bye dear.
-Better wear your coats getting chilly.

It's all right.

Certainly is a lot of money,
how much do you suppose there is?

-Well I dind't count it, dear.
-Yet it's quite a nest egg,

did you have trouble at the office?

Not at all.

I must say Miles I’ve been looking
forward to our financial independence,

and you've worked hard
for it and you deserve it.

Thank you honey.

I suppose it'll be a great
hullabaloo tomorrow morning,

when they discover the money missing,

but if we just sit tight,

time will take care of everything,

of course it means that we can't visit
my sister as soon as we plan to,

but it's worth waiting,

now I’ll go and finish things up and
then we can count the money together.

All right.

Tradewinds, is flight 106 leaving on

11, thank you.

Uh dear, I uh,

I’m gonna run down to the drugstore I
need a few things.

All right dear,

do you have enough money?

I think so.

-I’m here.
-Oh I’ll be right out ,


I had it all ready for you.

Thank you my dear,

nice and cold.

Hey, he didn't even kiss me?

everything worked out all right?

Everything is lovely,

but we better drink up and get started.

Can I go like this?

Well I would have preferred
something more conservative,

but there isn't time to change now,

you can wear your coat.

How was it today?

Oh same as usual,

except for a pathetic little retirement

mr Dougherty,

told me how much he was going to miss me,

he's going to miss a lot of things
Monday morning.

So will your wife.

Never mind her, the house is paid for,

put a few thousand in
the bank should be all right.

-Well what should we drink to?
-To Hawaii,

and to us.

-No I still can hardly believe it.
-Well it's true,

tonight we balance the books,

close out one life and begin another.

It sounds wonderful,

I just wish I could take some things.

With me no I need, I told you not even a

No but all my beautiful dresses.

You can buy a whole new wardrobe.

Even a minko.

If your heart said under mink...

I’ll make it you'll be.

Mother can hardly wait,

how much money was in the sake?

All we'll ever need,

thanks to mr Dougherty,

we better go do we don't want to miss
that plane,

you ready?

Attention please flight
502 now loading at gate 5.

-You want this loaded on board sir.
-No I’ll take it with me thank you.

Fight 106 is leaving in a few minutes,

-enjoy your trip.
-Thank you.

Attention please flight 106,

now departing at gate 7,
immediate departure.

Last call for flight 106,

now leaving immediately at gates 7.

Good evening.

How are you?

Good evening.

I’m sorry sir, no luggage over the seats,
I’ll put it in the back.

Oh no, I’ll, I’ll just uh hang on to,
it if you don't mind.


I don't think I’ll sleep a
wink tonight.

Plenty of time for that,

in few hours we'll be in Hawaii,

I’m glad they made it estate,

-means we don't have to go through
customers. -How clever.

I’m terribly sorry sir but this is in
the way I’ll put it in the back for you.

Oh, but miss...

-Now you worry too much.
-I suppose I do.

Why don't you just relax?

now once we get to Hawaii I’m gonna
make you lie in the sun for a week,

won't be long now.

Right on schedule.

It's funny the motors are stopping.

Oh no don't tell me there's gonna be delay.

Ladies and gentlemen this is the

due to some slight mechanical difficulty
we will be unable to take off on schedule.

Oh no why does something like this
always have to happen.

Will you please leave the
plane by the rear door and,

go to the waiting room until
further notice thank you.

It probably be grounded for hours,

we'll be all right?

What can we do?

Sir it's just a few minutes.

Attention please flight 101
now arriving at gate 10.

How long is flight 106 gonna be

But we don't know sir that's hard to say.

But it's been half an hour already,
what's the problem?

Just a few mechanical
difficulties sir nothing serious.

Attention please flight 101 now arriving
at gate 10.

Where have you been?

People not on the observation deck and
I saw policemen getting on the plane.


Two of them and some other men
as well,

Mile, you don't think they found out
anything, do you?


now what's happened to flight 106?

I told you sir just some minor difficulty.

Well I don't believe it
what's happening, what is it?

-Really sir you're not going to... -Don't
really sir me, the policeman on that plane,

now why? do you want me to go to your

All right sir I’ll tell you,

we got a crank phone call,

it happens every once in a while. something
about a bomb on the plane.

A bomb?

There's no truth to it of course,

but they have to check, as soon as
they're finished you'll be taking off.

-Just a bomb?
-Yes sir.

Well thanks for telling me.

How much longer will it take them?

Another 10,
15 minutes,

but they have to search the luggage.

-Search the luggage?
-Yes sir just normal precaution.

Mr Cheever,


we'd like to ask you a few questions.

Hello, Tradewinds airlines?

I called you before about that bomb on
flight 106,

well there isn't any bomb,

never mind who this is,

just tell them it was a joke,

it was all a joke.

In all my years of employment,

I have never missed
a show nor been late for a performance,

I occasionally step out for a breath of
air during the commercial,

but there are limits to what even a
company man can endure,

this unmatched record of loyalty,

has so moved my sponsor,

that he has granted me the
rest of the evening off,

this struck him as the ideal gift,

being both appropriate and cheap,

in my place after the commercial,

you will see a bit of film,

taken when I first joined the firm,

I am certain you will find it

oh by the way,

mr Cheever had the last
laugh at his wife's expense,

for she was subsequently prosecuted
for creating a bomb scare,

that is all for this evening,

until next
week at the same time, good night.