Alfred Hitchcock Presents (1955–1962): Season 6, Episode 21 - The Kiss-Off - full transcript

Ernie Walters has just been released after six years in prison. It was determined that he was falsely convicted of a gas station robbery and now wants to get even with the detective and District Attorney who convicted him. Wearing a disguise, Walters robs the local tax office but drops his hotel room key as he makes his escape. He's quickly re-arrested by the same detective who arrested him six years previously but the witnesses can't quite identify him. Will he get away with it?

Good evening ladies and gentlemen.

This is a voting booth. It comes
complete with voting instructions.

You will observe that it
is a one passenger model.

When you enter you go alone, there
is not even room for your conscience.

The inventor was afraid that would prove
too large a handicap to speedy elections.

These booths come in only one size.

Thus, automatically disenfranchising
certain of our population,

who do not conform to
conventional physical standards.

This has no direct bearing
on tonight's story.

But is merely offered
as a public service.

Actually there is much that has no
direct bearing on tonight's story.

The following for example.



-Quiet today.
-Lunchtime. Should have been here earlier.

Cash draw a face, then the safe.

May I help you ma'am?

I have a question or
two about this tax bill.

No screams lady keep quiet and
live, Go behind the counter.

-Come on lady.
-All right all right.

The safe, the safe.

-You should be ashamed.
-I?m not.

All of it.

Come on.

All right be bright. Take
five minutes before you,

sound the alarm I got a
cover man in the hallway.

Keep the lady quiet.

-Sound the alarm.
-I will in five minutes.

-Well you're letting him get away.
-You want him so bad go get him yourself.

-Well you're not very...
-No lady I?m not.

That must have fallen
out of his pocket.

Quiet looks like a hotel key.

Might as well have left
his name and address.

Yeah somebody must have
spit on the sidewalk.

-I pulled the hold up.
-Yeah you never know.

Well here you are mister.

How much?

Uh 90 cents on the meter.

Keep it.

10 bucks?

I got plenty back
at that hold up.

Hey, invite me to all
your holdups will you?

I don't go to all of them myself.

-Who are, you what do you want?
-Sorry, it's me Ernie.

You're not Ernie.

It's me, it's me.

No it doesn't say what
hotel, just a room tag, 402.

Must be one of those flea
bags down along skid row.

I?II get photo stats
right off some copies and,

let the boys in the
prowl cars check it out.


Take this down the photo lab if they
find anything I?II be at the DA's office.

-I want to go home.
-In a minute.

You said that an hour ago.

How much longer will that take?

-I gotta get supper ready.
-All right.

But I?II need you for
an identification.

-Well just let me see you again.
-All right go ahead.

I never bought men's
clothes before.

I didn't have much time for
shopping after your phone call.

I must have sounded so silly I thought
you were calling from the prison.

Oh they they let me out fast out
of that Hagen guy confessed he,

robbed the filling station I
was supposed to six years ago.

All that time.

You could have written. I?d
have come to visit you.

I had my reasons.

I didn't want you
linked with me.

You got a cigarette?

In my purse.

-You want a drink or anything?
-I feel perfect right now.

This stuff's got to be burned.

-I?II be careful.
-Don't you want to know why?

No no I don't think so.

Why not?

Well what I don't know
won't hurt you will it.

I wouldn't worry about
anything you knew.

Well right now I just
want to talk about us.

Like say a honeymoon
Pensacola Florida.

-There's a place there you'd like it,

called Palma del Rio they've got white
beaches palm trees all the fixings.

I worked there one summer when
I was a kid knocking around.

You know what? I
could get a job as a,

waitress while you're trying
to find something to do.

You'll be sitting at
tables not waiting on them.

-When will we leave?
-We leave right away tonight.

-Without you?
-Gonna join you in a week.

A week?
but I thought you said...

You'll be nice and
tan when I get there.

Well Ernie I don't
want to leave you.

It's gonna be all over before you
know about it will you just trust me.

Come on get up.

Pensacola?s a long way off
from a cop named Cooper and a,

D.A doesn't care about anything
but getting convictions.

You're gonna forget
all about that.

Well Cooper couldn't forget
it about me having a record.

Because of something you
did when you were a kid.

I didn't see it that way when that
filling station was held up six years ago.

Ernie if we're going to forget about
this we've got to start right now.

-You're right babe. -Now listen don't try
to get even it's never any good.

Even right now. Listen don't
let that get out of your sight.

No, no, I won't Ernie.

And I got one
last appointment.

-Palma del Rio one week.

-I don't like it Cooper.
-Well get him. -You better.

-State tax office.
-It's the same as any other place.

Do you not to me. That's taxpayer
money, this is election year.

Must be for me.


Yes speaking.

Are you sure?

I?II stake out the
place but hands off.

I want to take him myself.


Well what do you know? Our
pigeon is Ernie Walters.


That was the name on the register.

you better be right this time.

Oh I should have known it from the
general description. He said he wanted,

to get even with us but he made a
stupid mistake, he dropped that key.

All right come on Ernie up
against the wall come on move.

Get moving.

Come on lean boy up on your toes.

-Surprised to see me? -What ex-con I?d be
surprised to see detective Cooper?

Don't be bitter we
all make mistakes.

I thought you just made a rest.

Turn around.

-You know, a guy want to like his job.

-Where'd I slip up?
-The key.

-What key?
-Fly higher and he fly real high.

I mean it Cooper what key?

-You dropped it. -Did I? -In the
wrong place.

Where is that?

The state tax office, on
top of a 20 to 30-year rap.

Well I should be
able to do that easy?

I had six years experience.

Well why did you let it go at
that? This was a very special key.

It was to the door of this room.

So is that one over there?

Don't get smart with me.

-It's a duplicate from the desk.
-Why don't you ask the clerk?

-How about it.
-That's the only one out.

-Don't give me that.
-Oh we got spares like nothing safe but,

you gotta sign a book and pay about to
get one he did. You see all the...

Oh, get out of here.

-I don't need...
-Anything else Cooper?

You left a whole string of witnesses,
a wide trail. It was easy finding you.

I wasn't trying to hide.

-Now what time was this office held up?

Well I don't have an alibi.
I was here in my room alone.

Ain't that a shame.

-No gray striped coat?
-Never wear them.

You looking for something?

you're gonna wake up the
neighbors in there Cooper.

-Are you gonna put all that stuff back?
-Where'd you ditch the gun Ernie?

Again oh yeah that I
thought it would be,

nice if I mailed it
to my old cell mate.

-Where's the money Ernie?

Why, did somebody hold up
another filling station?

That's all water
under the bridge.

I know you told the warden
you're gonna get even.

That was a lousy idea. Now
be smart, get off easy.

-You offering me a deal?
-I?m giving you a chance to help yourself.

I?II tell you what Cooper,
take that head and soak it.

And take a big deep breath
while you're underwater.

Okay Ernie you laid it on the line.

Now I know exactly what I gotta do.

You bring my coat.

How could he leave the key at
the scene and still have it?

-Well he could have had another one
made someplace. -From what?

The desk clerk said he
never had the duplicate.

Well maybe he made it himself he
worked in the machine shop at the pen.

-He must have learned something in six years.
-Uh there's something wrong Cooper.

Well there's nothing wrong with the
witnesses and I got a third one for you,

that'll mail them good. The cab
driver who picked him up at the scene.


We'll be right down.

We're ready for the lineup.

Okay send them in.


That one, number four.

Gentlemen how about it?

Well it looks
like he.

Number four up on the mark.

Ernie Walters aged 35.

Arrested state of Connecticut
1951 grand theft auto.

Convicted but on probation 1952.

Concealment of dangerous
weapons violation of probation,

served two-year state penitentiary.

Aren't you forgetting one
Cooper? The state armed robbery?

convicted served six years. You forgetting
that one Cooper. Some money goofed.

Talk when you
spoken to Walters.

How about his voice?

He didn't say much to us.

-He talked in the cab?
-Oh it sounds like him.

-Yes or no? -Look I was
sitting on top of a motor in traffic.

Why don't you all say him
you picked him out just now?

He paid you ten dollars for a 90 cent
ride he said he picked it up in a hold up.

Look I get all kinds of nuts,
it could have been a gag.

-You're not blind are you take a look.
-What do you think I?m doing?

It it looks like, the
same build and everything.

-Then it's him.
-I don't know it it looks like him but...

The fella had heavy eyebrows and
his face seemed fatter somehow.

Well he could have faked
it a makeup job maybe.

Look he had you under a gun uh
it's natural to be nervous,

just take it easy now, he can't hurt
you can't even see or hear you.

I kind of feel it's him.

Hey Cooper what's the
matter you having trouble?

Shut up Walters.

See wise guy, just like he
was with a gun, remember now?

-It looks like him except...
-Looks like isn't enough.

He looks like him
that's all I can say.

I don't think
that's a guy at all.

-Like he says it just a resemblance.
-Oh look,

he bears the same general
resemblance as the,

other four up there but
you picked him, now why_

Mrs Simmons I think it's up to you
to lead the way for these men.

You're an attractive
woman you use makeup you,

know what a difference
even a little bit makes.

Do you were the one who
recognized him right away.

-He is the one, isn't he?

-He's the one. -How about you two going
along with the lady or are you still chicken.

Who do you think you're talking
to with that chicken stuff.

-He didn't mean. -I know what he
meant and I know what I mean.

As far as I?m concerned I
never saw this guy before now.

-Look I got a living to make.
-All right go on make it.

Oh we don't need him. Maybe he didn't
haul the robber but you two saw him.

I want to see his teeth a
couple of them were broken.

-We know he changed his appearance.
-I want to see his teeth.

Show us your fangs Walters.



I laugh.

Eh, Cooper?

He looks different now.

But you can't identify?

Well I?m not sure.

I can say what I think.

But I can't be sure.

All right you can go. You'll
be subpoenaed for the trial.

-We'll make it hold up between them and
the hotel key. -Bring him to my office.

Well Ernie...
-Well what?

You ready to make a

When I made a statement six years
ago, you'll want me to repeat?

It don't try to get smart.

I wasn't in that gas station, I didn't
hold it up, I was in my room alone.

I don't blame us for
a natural mistake.

You fit the description you
had a record and no alibi.

So you made
me the patsy.

And six years later another
guy confesses to the job.

I?m not the patsy this time.

We know you pulled this one.

Another general description.

-Ernie I know how you feel. That's why
I?II give you a deal. -A deal?

What kind of deal?

Confess and make restitution
complete extenuating,

circumstances and I?II
go to the mat for you.

Well now that,

it's a very good deal.

I appreciate it.

But I haven't done anything.

Do you want to throw away 20 years?

Now listen we've got you cold
turkey we've got three witnesses,

who can identify you positively
and two of them right at the scene.

-How could they?
-We know you changed your appearance.

You got a witness that
can say he saw me do that?

Or you've got three people who
will describe a man in court and,

then they'll point to me, somebody
that doesn't fit that description.

Somebody who left your
key in the hotel room.

That must have belonged
to an old occupant.

-I had my key, Cooper saw it.
-You made that one yourself.


you dropped it at the tax
office deliberately, didn't you?

When did you make the copy?
Before or after the hold up?

You stole 12000, now where is it?

12000?. see I was making 80
bucks a week when you set me up.

That's about 4000 a year.

At six years that's
about uh 24000.

You know if I had
held up that tax,

office the state would
still owe me half.

-That's nice Coope,r remember the law

You know I?m I think I?m kind of looking
forward to seeing the law in operation again.

It'll be fun. Watching the jury
when you bring those three,

witnesses in a court and not
one of them certain I?m the man.

And then they'll hear my lawyer explain
about the four witnesses you had,

it was so positive, I was the man that
held up that gas station six years ago.

Are you gonna bring me to
trial on a case like that?

Get out of this town
get out and stay out.

I can afford to.

As has been said
before on television.

A district attorney's
lot is not a happy one.

But on earn his next effort
the law caught up with Ernie,

And he paid the penalty
for a sloppy makeup job.

And now we must listen to a speech from a
gentleman who consistently ignores the rule,

electioneering within against
50 yards of the polls.

After which I shall
return for a rebuttal.

I don't see the lever much
less the voting machine.

Actually these weren't made
originally for voting booths.

They were army surplus having
been....ah there it is.

As I was saying these were
formerly portable showers.

Next week I shall return to campaign
once more for clean government.

Until then good night.