Alfred Hitchcock Presents (1955–1962): Season 5, Episode 5 - No Pain - full transcript

Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen,

and welcome to tonight's
program of boxing matches.

In this corner,
for tonight's main event,

we have Steven Forbush,

and his opponent,
Mrs. Steven Forbush.

As you know, these two
are traditional rivals,

having met many times before for the
middle-class championship of the world.

As you may have noticed, I am
quite at home in the ring.

For me, boxing is very easy.

It's lifting my hand above my head
after I've won that I find difficult.

It's much too strenuous.



But so much for the preliminaries.
Now, for the main event.

Cindy?

Cindy?

I'm right here, darling.

Why the hat?

Oh, for laughs, mostly.

Arnold rented a little sailing
boat from a high school boy.

Hardly bigger
than a tub for two.

That's very cute.

Ever occur to you Arnold's
no high school boy?

Really, Dave. Arnold's been
very thoughtful and kind.

I know. Never mind the
stupid things I say.

Have a nice sail.

Bye-bye, darling. Bye.



Cindy? Yes?

You'll be back for dinner?
Of course.

I can't see you. Oh, I'm sorry.

I was just wondering.
You know how...

You know how dull
it gets here nights.

You wanna ask Arnold back?

For dinner?

Yeah, beachcombers
have to eat, don't they?

Besides, I think
the guy's got charm.

He has his fair share,
if you must know.

I'll ask him. I think
he'll be pleased.

Fix the mirror. Yes, sir.

Wait a minute. That's fine.
Very good.

Not many sailing today.

No, not many sailing.

Mr. Ramey?

Huh?

Mr. Ramey,

I was wondering if this might be a good
time to take you out of the respirator.

Why?

Well, we managed seven
minutes so easily yesterday.

Dr. Fabray told me on the phone we
could increase it to eight or nine.

I'm not interested now.

Rather watch the boats.

Of course, Mr. Ramey.

I used to be pretty
good with boats.

I was pretty good
with women, too.

Well, come here, Lilacs.

You talking to me? Yeah, you.

You're shaking like
a dollar tambourine.

Well, I'm cold. Give me the towel.
The towel!

Yeah, I know.

Oh, that's better.

I've seen more cover
on a loaf of bread.

Funny, aren't you? Yeah, I would
be, but I haven't got time.

So?

Dave, dear...

This is no time
for an interview.

But people are waiting for us back on the boat.
Who owns the boat?

You do.

Well, there's your answer.

What?

Because when you own the boat,
you pay for the liquor,

and you're the last guy anybody wants around.
That make sense to you?

Mmm-hmm, I suppose so.

What are you going to buy next?
You.

That surprise you? I
don't suppose so either.

You gonna marry me
and all that?

Yeah, I mean to marry you
and all that.

Hey.

You never talked about
marrying me before.

Well, excuse me
for bringing it up now.

You know, Dave, you're
taking a frightful chance.

I'm used to it.

It's the same as betting on horses
or buying a block of real estate.

Well, Dave, no one ever
owned me completely.

Well, I don't own
Florida either.

Just a fair percentage.

I was a mug five years ago.

So what makes you
think you've changed?

You.

And $6 million in the bank.

How is that, Mr. Ramey?

It's fine and dandy. Great.

Oh, Mr. Ramey. Yeah?

Mrs. Ramey mentioned that I
might have this evening off.

That is, if it's
all right with you.

Nobody asked me. I see.

Well, Mrs. Ramey said
she'd be here herself,

but, naturally, if you
want me to, I'll stay.

No, it's perfectly
all right, Ms. Collins.

Dave, darling, it was so nice of you
to have Max have everything set up.

It just looks lovely.

We stopped by the kitchen and
the herring's marvelous.

Glad you liked it.

It was nice of you
to ask me, Dave.

Nice of you to come.

Things get pretty
dull here, nights.

How was the sailing?

It was fun.

Not much of a boat,

but I will say this, your wife
certainly knows her way around.

Around what?

Why, around boats, of course.

I'll laugh later, show
you how jolly I can get.

Arnold, would you please make
Dave a martini? Double-dry.

Double-dry.

What's wrong, dear?

Nothing wrong, everything's
as gay as bluebirds.

I hear you gave
Ms. Collins a night off.

Well, I thought
she deserved it.

You don't mind, do you, dear?

No.

I don't mind a bit.
It's nice for Ms. Collins.

Nice for Arnold and
nice for everybody.

I was hoping to get the 6:27
bus to town, Mrs. Ramey.

There's one at midnight
that will bring me back.

Of course, Ms. Collins.

Arnold, would you mind driving
Ms. Collins to the bus?

- Please, if it's any bother...
- No bother at all.

I have to stop at my house
anyway to change my clothes.

Just let me remind
you, Ms. Collins,

there's a crooked bingo
game at the firehouse

and everything costs a
nickel at the penny arcade.

After that, you're on your own.

I usually find my way around,
Mr. Barrett, but I'll be careful.

He's a gay one, isn't he?

Arnold?

I wasn't talking
about the Prince of Monaco.

No, I guess you weren't.

But he does make
a wonderful martini.

Yeah.

How many have you had already?

Four or five.

Where? His place?

A martini's a martini. Does it make
any difference where it's consumed?

How long has he
had that cottage?

Four or five weeks. I don't know.
Here, try this.

Has he got any money?

$4.60.

Told me that this
afternoon. Here.

But he's got prospects.

Yeah, I know.

I hope it'll be painless.

Painless?

However you planned
it for tonight.

The killing, I mean.

When did you first suspect?

Not a matter of suspecting.
It's simple logic.

I figured the odds, knowing
the way your mind works.

Do you have to be
so clinical about it?

You wouldn't think
I enjoy having to do it.

You want one of your own this time?
Or shall we share the glass again?

Cindy?

Cindy!

Is it happening now?

Is this the time?

Of course not, darling. I
wouldn't be that clumsy or cruel.

Turn it back on.

What are you doing now?

Nothing more than
the doctor prescribed.

Ms. Collins said you could be out
with perfect safety for 10 minutes.

It's 6:50.

That's much better, isn't it?
We can talk more comfortably.

You're taking it very well,
darling, honest you are.

Wasn't my fault this horrible
thing had to hit you.

Hmm?

Well, was it?

No, it's not your fault, Cindy.

We had a few good years.

You bet we did.

They were fine, Dave.

Really fine.

Too tough for you now, though.

Too tough the way things stand?

Dave, let's not kid ourselves.

You're more dead than alive.

And you know me.

I was never meant for those
nobler forms of solitaire.

Arnold can fix that, huh?

What difference does it
make if it's Arnold?

If it's the mailman?

Or somebody's Uncle Joe?

What can you be there?

You lying there
day in and day out,

like an airtight
pound of coffee

in a can.

Well?

Thanks.

You put it so sweetly.

I'm not being mean.

Only practical.

Seriously, Dave,

remembering how you used to be,

fighting and forcing your way up
from the shadier side of things

to the legitimate power
you managed to attain.

Seeing you now, I think
you'd want to die.

I'm sorry, Cindy.

I'm not that cooperative.

Could it be any
worse than this?

It's bad enough,
but it's not that bad.

I'll hang on to
what I can keep.

What can you keep? Plenty.

My mind's not paralyzed.

I can think.

I can read with help.

I can count my money
without any help.

I haven't figured out yet why a man
with $6 million would want to die.

Not when he had to
fight for it the way I did.

I can't stand all
this moralizing.

Put me back in the lung.

Seriously, Dave,

I wonder if you know how unfair
this whole thing is to me.

Really.

Just try to see
my point of view.

I gave as much of myself to you

as I could possibly
give to anyone.

And it was wonderful.
It was great.

I'm admitting that.

It gets hot in here.

Now to get back to
what I was saying.

What else is there
left for me to do?

You mean, short of murder?

I wish you wouldn't
use that word right out.

I couldn't up and divorce
you, heavens knows.

First thing anybody would
say, "Look at her."

"Man's lying there flat on his back and
she runs off as gaily as you please."

"What kind of woman is she?"

Now, they do have
those reactions.

Isn't that true?

Just put me back in the lung.

I told you, darling,
it would not be now.

Where's Arnold?

He went to change his clothes

after taking Ms. Collins
to the bus.

You depend on him
a lot, don't you?

Let's not talk about Arnold.

I thought you liked
him so much.

Well?

I adore him, if you must know.

Sit down.

I don't want to sit down.
I feel steadier standing.

Come back here, you hear me?

I'll be back in just a minute.

I feel like a mess and I
must look like one, too.

Cindy.

No need to be upset, darling.

Put me back.

You're half drunk.

I'm two thirds and I'm
doing better all the time.

Just put me back in the lung.

Just like I said, darling.

Cindy.

Hmm?

Oh, of course, darling.

How many drinks did you have?

I've been under
a strain, Arnold.

He knows. I just told him.
All right.

He knows! All right.

Did you have anything to eat?

Now, how could I be expected to
eat and drink at the same time?

What you need is some air.

We could still go for
a swim, couldn't we?

A what?

A swim, I said. Sober you up,
and then have some dinner.

I'd like that, Arnold. You're
just so calm and dependable.

That's what all
the girls say, Cindy.

They say it's nice to know they're
dealing with an old dependable firm.

Oh, I hope you don't think it
too cheeky of me, old boy,

but I'll have to
borrow your trunks.

How'd it go?

It's all over, Dave.

They'll find her body tomorrow
with the early change of tide.

You sure?

I checked the currents,
just the way you told me to.

It was a nice, clean job.

No pain?

No pain at all.

Well, thanks, Arnold. You were
always good at these things.

Best in the trade.

Just like old times, huh, Dave?

I'm glad you came
when you got my call.

You'll get your dough
in a couple of weeks.

Fifty grand.

Fair enough.

Now, I think I'll
have that drink.

Arnold.

She make you any better offers?

Well, I can't say
I wasn't tempted, Dave,

but as you might have
heard me tell her earlier,

I'm an old reliable firm.

And as Cindy's body
slowly sinks into the bay,

we take leave of the lovely
seaside setting for our story.

Of course,
as it must to all men,

the law caught up
with Arnold and Dave.

As for our boxing match,

it turned out to be the
shortest fight on record.

They met in the
center of the ring,

and it was over faster
than you could say,

"Who was that lady I seen
you with last night?"

I think this should be
a lesson to all of us.

Next time, we shall
be back with another story.

Until then, good night.