Alfred Hitchcock Presents (1955–1962): Season 5, Episode 21 - Hitch Hike - full transcript

Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.

I wish to announce
that during the strike

we shall continue
to do business.

And all but the very
near-sighted can see our show,

without crossing
the picket line.

Actually this is not
a strike about wages.

I am a worker myself
when I can't avoid it.

And I have long campaigned
for the four-hour lunch.

Actually, these are actors who claim I kill
too many of them off during my stories.

They're striking
for longer hours.

I see the pickets
have stopped walking,



so they can watch
tonight's story.

Will you join them?

Haven't you anything to say?

When you rode around town with that young
car thief you had something to say.

I'll bet you talked
a blue streak to him.

Would you please have the courtesy to
look at me when I'm talking to you?

Do you know why the judge let
you off with only a reprimand?

Because the judge knew I was
the councilman from Allendale.

He realized that, if he sentenced
you along with your boyfriend,

it would create further scandal
and damage my reputation.

So he put you on probation.

I hope you realize your little
escapade could've wrecked everything

that's taken me a whole lifetime
to build up in this community.

I don't expect gratitude, but at
least a few words of appreciation.



Thank you for everything, Uncle Charles.
You've been very kind.

In my day, we were taught to
have a sense of responsibility.

Yes, Uncle.

I didn't ask to be
your legal guardian.

But since your father's
will so provided,

I've tried to do
what I thought best for you.

I know.

So I can't even consider
now sending you back

to Deep Valley School
in the fall.

I'll find one of my business associates
who needs a girl in his office.

If the finest finishing
school in the West

couldn't teach you the difference
between right and wrong,

maybe a year or more
in a business office...

That boyfriend of yours
learned his lesson.

Let's hope not going back to school
will be punishment enough for you.

Dry your eyes and sit up.

Can't tell, I might run into somebody
I do business with in this town.

I'm out of cigarettes.
Would you like anything?

Now don't try anything
foolish like running away.

Remember last time.

Look at her. Can't even
pull out of a parking space.

It's stuck.

Shut up!

Why, thank you, son.

A noisy horn, it bugs me.

You seem to know quite a
bit about auto mechanics.

Either you dig
a motor or you don't.

This is a nice hunk of metal.
Will it do over 100?

I wouldn't know. You don't
win the County Safety Award

two out of three
years by speeding.

Hallelujah. Look, you headed
toward San Francisco?

Allendale. That's close enough.

How about giving me a lift?

Young man, I make It a practice
never to pick up strangers.

Well, I'm not a stranger.
I'm the mechanical marvel

who fixes noisy horns
for safety drivers, remember?

And I appreciate that
and I thank you very much.

Well, then stretch it a bit.
Just give me a lift.

All right, hop in. Thanks.

What's your name, son?

I like to call people by name.

Some people are
called by numbers.

What's that?

But if it's names you want...

Make mine Len.

I'm Councilman Underhill.
This is my niece Anne.

This young man is on
his way to San Francisco.

Hi, Anne. Hello, Len.

Been working in this
neck of the woods?

You can call it that.

I assume you learned about
automobile mechanics in school?

That's comical, real comical.

Let me in on the joke.

I don't think you'd get it.

This joke, it's
kind of personal.

Hmm.

All you young people today
have a wall you hide behind

whenever your elders try
to be friendly or helpful.

You've got it all figured out
about young people, don't you?

Well, I've been able
to observe first-hand

one fine example
of your generation.

Uncle Charles, please, no.

Look.

How did they ever give him
a license to drive a truck?

Peculiar bunch of young men.

They're being shipped to the
State Farm five miles away.

Some will dig holes and plant
baby junipers and white pine.

The rest will level
off the hillsides.

At 5:00, the guards will
pile them back in the truck

and the driver will bring
them back to the Farm.

Farm? What farm?

The Honor Farm.

What's an Honor Farm?

It's a place, sugar,
for juvenile jerks

who never discovered how
to walk the narrow fence

without being
nabbed by the law.

You mean, those men
were convicts?

If you're a prison
psychiatrist, dad,

you call them cases of arrested
emotional development.

Yeah. A label for
everything at the Farm.

You kill your old man,
it's not murder.

Assault, forgery, snatching,

they've all got labels
that sound real fancy.

But it's still jailhouse-rock,
label or no label.

How do you know so much
about those convicts?

Because until this morning,
I might've stood in that truck

whistling at your niece.

Out.

He's done nothing to us.

Well, I'm not going
to give him the chance.

What are you waiting for?
Get out!

All right, dad.
Len, he doesn't mean it.

Is that what they taught you at school?
Champion convicts?

He's been nice and friendly.

It's all part of the
same pattern, isn't it?

A girl thinks it's thrilling to sit in
the same car with a young jailbird.

Never mind, Anne.
I'll get off here.

Lots of luck.

Wait a moment.

For once, my niece is quite right.
I am a man of my word.

You can ride with us.

Thanks.

It's always the insider squashing
the outsider like he was a bug.

I don't understand.

Look. A chick like you, young,
just hatched out of her shell,

you're an outsider, see?

But the insider,
he's lived a lot of years.

He hates change.

Hates anybody doing anything
different than he does it.

The insider doesn't
take a chance,

never gets a ticket
for speeding,

or gets drunk or looks
anywhere he shouldn't.

He's the number one man in his hometown.
He's got it made.

Right, Mr. Underhill?

Where did you get this
interesting theory, in jail?

Yeah, from listening
and watching.

I see.

Daddy-O, let me tell you about an
outsider I know who is out of this world,

on the highest cloud.
He's gone, but gone.

He loves knives. I mean,
any kind of knives.

Uh, kitchen knives, penknives,
anything sharp and made of steel.

That cool cat with the yen to use the
knife was my pal, he was my buddy.

Did you ever know anybody crazy
about sharp steel, Mr. Underhill?

No. No, I haven't.

He was clever, too.

I mean, he could
fix noisy horns,

dig any motor. He could take
it apart, put it together.

I think we should stop and get
something to eat, don't you, Anne?

Fine, Uncle Charles.

Hello, folks. What'll it be?

I'll have a tuna fish on white, toasted.
And coffee, please.

Hamburger, medium-well.
And coffee, please.

Same, please.

Let me tell you more about
that guy at the Farm.

What about him?

He was a flipper
from way, way out.

He was always quoting a wild-haired
cat named Dylan Thomas.

Now an insider like you wouldn't
have heard of a poet like him,

would you have, Mr. Underhill?

You know why your uncle
never heard of him?

Because he was young and he was
just trying to be himself.

And that's what I want
to be, Mr. Underhill.

And that makes me a criminal
in your eyes, doesn't it?

Just wanting to be me.

You dance like they
wrote the music for you.

Oh, you're pretty
good yourself.

I'm out of practice.

Proprietor.

Proprietor.

I'm sorry, sir. But I just
gave my wife your orders.

She's the cook, you know.

Yeah, yeah. Where's the phone?

Right around the back.
There's a booth there.

Can I have change, please?

Change? Yes, sir.

Just a second, please.

Was it the real thing between you
and the kid who took the rap?

Oh, no. I hardly knew him.

He called one day and asked me
to go for a ride, so I went.

I didn't know it was a stolen car.
I didn't do anything wrong.

You couldn't.

Thanks.

But your uncle gets a bang out
of thinking you did, doesn't he?

Well, he won't let me
go back to school.

I was happy there.
All my friends are there.

Well, why don't you tell
him off, just for once?

Here you are, sir. Thank you.

Operator, get me the police.

Well, all right,
then the sheriff's office.

Your coffee's getting cold.

Yeah. Coffee.

What do you like
studying most at school?

Oh, English Lit.
I like to read.

Me, too.

Did you ever read Dostoyevsky?

No. But a teacher of mine
told me about him once.

Oh, and I saw a movie.

I know the one you mean, where
the young guy kills an old man.

Yes, that's the one.

He said things the way
I'd like to say 'em.

Oh, brother, was
he an outsider.

Well, maybe I'll get
to read him next term.

You forget, Anne, you're not
going back to school next term.

I don't think you can
stop me, Uncle Charles.

Oh, no? No.

My father made a provision
in his will for my education.

I'm still your legal guardian.

And I'm going back to school and
there's nothing you can do about it.

I know what's best for you.

Oh, no, you don't!
You keep out of this.

You think you know
what we all want, don't you?

Well, you know what I'd like?
No. No, I don't.

I'd like to build a racing car,

faster than anything
else on the road.

There goes Len's car and I'd race
it in Spain and Rome and Paris.

Yeah, if I had the dough like that
crazy young cat who builds his own.

That sounds crazy, doesn't it?

Wanting to build something
with my own two hands!

Like Anne wants to go back
to school, like all of us.

Oh, brother, the way
you treat this girl...

If my buddy were here,
you know what he'd do?

That's just what he'd do.

Officer, if you know how
glad I am to see you.

In kind of a hurry to get home, aren't you?
Your license, please.

If you only knew
the horrible experience

I've just been through.
Your license, please.

You realize how
fast you were going?

Well, I know it was
over the limit...

You were doing 80 miles
an hour in a 45-mile zone.

That's what I want to explain.

Explain it in court.

Court! You mean...

Mister, for the third time,
your license, please?

Thank you.

Officer, I've won the Safe Driving
Award in this county for two years.

You'll have an opportunity
to tell all that in court.

But, I was... Is this your
correct address, Mr. Underhill?

Yes, yes, it is.

I'm setting your court appearance
for Wednesday, on the 9th.

Here's your citation.

And I certainly hope Judge
Adams isn't on the bench.

He's giving 10-day
sentences to all speeders.

Sentencing? Jail?

But, Officer,
this wasn't my fault!

That boy in my car
is responsible for it all.

He insisted on a lift.

And out on the highway I found
out he was an ex-convict,

from the Honor Farm, a knifer.

A knifer? Yes.

He threatened to use one on me.
Oh?

Well, maybe we'd better
have a talk with him.

Now you'll understand why I stepped on the
gas when I saw the lights of this town.

Okay, kid, outside.

Who's the girl?
That's my niece.

You out from the Farm?
Yeah. I'm on my way home.

Here's my release.

Mr. Underhill, here, said you
threatened him. Did you?

No.

Search him! Get that knife.

Okay, kid, up top.
I know what to do.

Look, Officer.

Turn around, kid.

Now, you see!

See what? If he had a knife on
him he doesn't have it now.

Relax, kid.

Well, that ought to take care
of your worries, Mr. Underhill.

Now you take it
easy from now on, huh?

You're going to be put
right back on that Farm.

I'm going to cross and convince the
police that you did threaten me.

That isn't true.
You keep out of this.

Did you hear what that officer said?
A jail sentence!

It'll be in every
newspaper in the Valley.

Me, Charles Underhill,
arrested!

And all because of you.
Well, you just watch...

Where did you get it?

I've been doing a three
month's stretch at the Farm

for picking a guy's pocket
when I was out of a job.

My talent just came
in handy, that's all.

Pickpocket? But I thought...
All that talk about knives.

Not me. My cellmate.

I tried to tell you that,
but you didn't believe me.

You wanted to think
the worst of me.

Of course, if you're
such an upright citizen,

you can always walk
across the street,

hand them this officer's book
and then you'll take the rap.

Well?

Get in.

I wish it understood
that my presence here

does not constitute
an endorsement

of the methods employed
by the characters in the play.

The striking actors
were somewhat disappointed

that no one was killed
in tonight's play.

They're the
understudies, you know.

Next time we shall
try to do better.

Until then, good night.