Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (2013–…): Season 1, Episode 17 - Turn, Turn, Turn - full transcript

S.H.I.E.L.D. has been compromised by an old enemy. The team doesn't know whom to trust.

Previously on Marvel's
Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D...

You're The Clairvoyant?

He let his emotions get the best of him.

He wasn't gonna stop, Skye.

I wasn't gonna let that happen.

I'm worried
he killed the wrong man.

The Clairvoyant doesn't have abilities.

He has security clearance.

He's an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.

Why would May have an unauthorized
encrypted hardline in the cockpit?

Put it down, May!

Who do you answer to?
Who's the real Clairvoyant?

Where are we going?

I don't know. I didn't do it!

When that plane touches down,
take out everyone on board.

Except Agent Coulson.

He's mine.

Tower, this is S.H.I.E.L.D. to ECHO-3.

I've got a pair of UAVs on my six.
These friendlies? Over.

They're gonna hit my jet wash
if they get any closer.

What the heck is that?

- Drop the weapon!
- Coulson...

Drop the damn weapon and kick it over
to the stairs, May. Now!


Now back the hell up. Over there.

Talk. Tell us where
you rerouted the plane.

- I didn't set this new course. I swear!
- Don't lie to me!

The plane just turned around
for God's sakes!

How is this happening then?

HQ can override automated
control of the avionics.

Take us anywhere they want.

Let me check the instrument panel

- and I'll be able to...
- No way!

You're not going anywhere
till you explain what...

It's not me!

Why did you have
an encrypted hardline?

And tried to shoot me when we found it!

- Let's take a breath...
- Let's not!

It was a dedicated channel
to Director Fury.

- That's the truth.
- Director Fury?

I haven't been able to get
him on the line for weeks.

- You were reporting to him?
- That's all I can tell you.

- Oh, just come out with it!
- That's all you can tell us?

I'm under orders.

Fury will tell you.

What, was this an order?
To shoot me in the bloody head?

Hold on.

We're not headed to Fury anymore.

I don't know where we're headed.

And I can't get Fury on the line
because Fitz cut the line.

Skye told me to.

Someone was talking to
The Clairvoyant, the real Clairvoyant.

You were in the walls, Fitz.

You wanna explain why you were
tampering with the plane's sat cables?

Sure, because that's relevant.
Don't try and turn this around on me!


I was trying to speak
to Simmons at the Hub.

You needed an encrypted line?
What's so secret that...

You tell me!

Simmons and I know you two have been
whispering, keeping things from us

about the drug that saved your life.

Simmons is just trying to figure
out how the whole thing works!

Fitz, who is she talking to?

- Fitz, open the door.
- No way.

Not until we sort this out.

- I'm not opening anything.
- Open the door.

We can't get anything sorted
until you open the damn door.

Skye, get your laptop hooked up
to our systems.

See if you can pull up
any S.H.I.E.L.D. communications.

I wanna know where this plane
is headed, and why.

- Coulson...
- You stay put!

Now tell me who Simmons is talking to?

'Cause if it isn't someone we trust,
she's in serious danger.

Agent Simmons.

I was wondering where you snuck off to.

Yes. But that's okay.

It's noisy here today.
Lot of guys in action mode.

I asked around.

Guess it's a Level 8 operation
of some sort.


I was surprised to have this room
to myself.

So, what are you working on?


Coulson's team is awfully secretive,
even for this organization.

Are you hiding something, Agent?

No, it's just nothing important.

I hope not.

'Cause I remember us
tracking down a drug

that brought a girl back from the brink,
and that was real important.

Yes, I know.

Come to think of it, I don't remember
seeing it in the dispatches.

Or you mentioning it when Agent Blake
got his ribs caved in.

I wasn't in a position...

'Cause if you had the means
and you didn't use them,

that blood is all over your hands, too.

I know.

I'm trying.

Look, men died to keep this secret.
We don't understand why.

So we wanted to keep our
research in-house, for safety.

- Research?
- That's hit a dead end.

I'm uploading Skye's blood scans.

I would like to contact Agent Weaver
at S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy, covertly.

For a little help.

But we must keep this between us.

Please. I don't want any trouble.

You're Level 5?

My Level 6 clearance gives me
access to the Holobox.

Secure line.

But we can't sneak that in here?
Can we?

Agent Hand seems to be
keeping everyone busy.

We'll be good.

But, if we get questioned, let me talk.

You're a surprisingly bad liar,
Agent Simmons.

I know. But I'm getting better at it.

What do you mean, "noise?"

I mean literally, noise.

Across every S.H.I.E.L.D.
communication channel.

Some sort of blanket signal.

- Encoded data, maybe?
- I think so.

You wanna fill us in?

We root you out, a mole,
suddenly our plane shuts down,

our communications jammed.

I don't know what's happening,
I wish I did.

- You have to believe me.
- No, I don't.

Do you read, 616?

Where is that coming from?

- Close.
- Enemy aircraft on my tail! Over.

- Coulson, I'm under attack. Drones.

Repeat, S.H.I.E.L.D. drones
are on my ass.

- We're not getting along. Do you copy?
- Copy.

Garrett, what's happening?
We've lost control of our aircraft.

Hell if I know.

Tell me you got guns on that thing.
I'm coming to you!


Fitz, can you manually wire
the guns to weapons control?

BYPASS Our system?

If I have cables long enough, yes.

Skye, decode the signal.
We need to get ahead of this.

I don't want any more surprises today.

- What happened?
- She's a sleeper.

I mean, the other kind of sleeper.

Wait, what are you saying?

She's been reporting on us
this whole time.

Controls are live, sir.

Garrett, what's your 20?

I'll be on top of you in seconds.
At your 10 o'clock.

- Guns hot?
- Warming up.

He needs to pull up, sir.
Hey, hey, Garrett, pull up!

He knows what he's doing.

- Damn it!
- That was Joanie.

Any thoughts on Chachi?
Now it knows you're here.

Wanna roll over, play dead?

Okay, Phil, but you better make it quick.
I'm running on fumes.

I'll pull up even with your six.

- Better not miss.
- Copy that.

Ready when you are, Boss.

"Play dead." What does that mean?

It means I better not miss.


Drones are down.

Agent Garrett's alive and docking
with S.H.I.E.L.D. 616.

I suggest we send more men.

Shoot that airplane out of the sky.

No. We couldn't seize automated
control of Garrett's jet,

so I wrote it off as a loss.

But now that he's with Coulson,

we can cross him off with the rest
when they land.

Preserve the aircraft.

You got something to say, Agent Shaw?

Apologies, ma'am.
I'm just having a hard time

killing the people
we once called friends.

Once that encoded transmission
went out, everything changed.

You understand that, don't you?

We swore allegiance to each other.

And today, that loyalty will be tested.

If you waver,

you die.

It's a simple message repeated,
semantic encoding.

I needed to find the mnemonic key.

It should only take me
a minute more to decipher.

Can I ask the obvious question?
What the hell?

We don't know. We don't even know
where our plane is headed.

I saw your trajectory.

You're being tractor-beamed
straight to the Hub.

Those drones were launched
out of there, for sure.

Victoria Hand.

Hand? It can't be.

- Can't be what now?
- The Clairvoyant.

I thought Ward capped that guy.

I don't believe the man Ward killed
was The Clairvoyant.

I think he was an unwitting decoy

meant to end our investigation.

That's a lot of trouble to go through
for a red herring, don't you think?

Because The Clairvoyant
is a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent.

Using high-level clearance
to stay ahead of us,

make it seem like
she's got psychic abilities.

She? You think Victoria Hand's
the Clairvoyant?

I don't mean to pee in the punch bowl,

but that doesn't make a lot of sense.

I was stationed with Vic in Lisbon.

She's a hard-ass and a buzzkill
at parties, I grant you,

but you really think
she's capable of that?

Excuse me, didn't she just try
to blow you out of the sky?

Don't get me wrong,
she's definitely gone nuts,

but her actions prove
she's not The Clairvoyant, right?

I mean, if she's been hiding
in plain sight all this time,

why reveal herself now?


Well, I'll be...

I thought HYDRA was defeated
after World War II.

It was. S.H.I.E.L.D. was founded
in the wake of that victory.

- And now they're back?
- HYDRA always comes back.

Cut off a head,
two more will take its place.

- Is it a head? I thought it was a limb.
- "Cut off a limb."

- it's a head.
- But it was sent from

a S.H.I.E.L.D. source. It's got to be
some sort of activation signal

to HYDRA members within S.H.I.E.L.D.

Hand must be one of them.

Okay, stop, $109-

What does that mean? In S.H.I.E.L.D.?

Targeting Level 8 agents,
seizing power.

Wonder how deep it goes.

This signal is everywhere. Deep.

- You know what this means?
- Yeah, we're screwed.

We can't change course.

And we have no idea
what's waiting for us at the Hub.

The Hub.

I say we blow a hole in the side
of this puppy and parachute out.

Live to fight another day.

We can't.

It's a cherry ride, I'll give you that,

but let's not just hand over the keys.

Simmons is at the Hub.
We have to save her.

Oh, crap, yeah. Trip's there, too.

I don't mind saying,
I don't like the odds on this one.

We should let your specialist
out of their cage.

We can use every weapon we can get.

We've gotta save her.

So, we'll fly in there, face the music.

Even if it is the HYDRA theme song.

Agents Triplett and Simmons
are unaccounted for, ma'am.

Searches are underway.
They don't have anywhere to go.

Don't underestimate Coulson's people.
Tie up those loose ends.

You're positive this line is secure?

Yeah, but be quick.

Nothing looks more guilty
than sneaking around.

I sent her a request,
she must not have...

Agent Weaver, thank you for joining me.

Jemma, thank God you're still alive.

What, what's wrong?

Is the Hub still secure?
Are you with your team?

Get somewhere safe and lock the door.

What's happening?

Have your commander...
The Academy is under siege...

We don't know how long HYDRA'S
been inside S.H.I.E.L.D.,

but they are taking control!
HYDRA'? What'? Where'?

Everywhere. Among us.

If you survive,
you know where to find me.

Jemma, don't trust anyone.

What are you doing?

What the lady said to do.
Locking the door.

- Let me out.
- Go ahead.

The door won't hold
if they come looking,

but they won't come around this way
for a little while.

I'm staying.

How do I know I can trust you?

Because I'm trustworthy.

You're the one who works for the
zombie robot back from the dead.

Take it.

If you try to kill me with it,
I'll know I can't trust you.

Now, fire that thing back up.

Let's see if we can get our friends
on the line.

Can't wait to tell them the good news.

Coulson said you're an informant.

Wanna elaborate on that?

No, I don't.

Damn ICER.
My head's killing me.

I deserve to know.

Don't start with that.
We do our jobs, end of story.

I can't tell you any more until
Fury gives the go-ahead.

You're good.

I mean, I always heard you were good.

But, man,

playing us this whole time?

Conning me? Coulson...

I wasn't playing anyone.
I had your backs.

And reported on us behind them.

You know, you always said to keep
my emotions in check,

but this is some next level...

And you should have listened.

You killed a man in cold blood.

Let your emotions get the best of you.

It was to protect our team
from a monster.

It was to protect her.

Which would be okay,

if you hadn't shot the wrong guy.

Fitz repaired your direct line.

If you have the ability to make this right,
now's the time.

'Cause you can't make it worse.

I have orders not to do this
with anyone else present.


They're taking out our guns.

Get Director Fury on the line,

or I'll march you out there first.


- What is going on?
- A whole lot.

Who is shooting at us?

Come here, let me catch you up.

Apparently, Agent Hand
is The Clairvoyant,

so chew on that first.

Agent Melinda May. Voice command.

Emergency Protocol One.
Emergency Protocol One.


This is an X1-0 straight connection
to Director Fury's personal line.

Where is he?

Director Fury is dead.

Can that be true? About Fury?

Man was my S.O., Coulson's, too.

Proved himself more than once
to be a hard man to kill.

That sound outside
doesn't bode well, though.

Is there anything on this plane
you don't want them

to get their hands on?

That was his direct line, Phil.

So it's real?
That means it's just you and me.

Unless there were other parties
you reported to.

There weren't.

Then come out with it.

Fury's gone and we're being
shot at by our own people.

Fury knew you'd want me to join up.

Asked me to keep an eye on you.

Looking for what?

Signs of physical
or mental deterioration.

To keep him updated. It's that simple.

Did you know about T.A.H.I.T.I.?

How could you do that to me?
After all we've been through?

The years we spent together in ops?

He said it was essential.
You couldn't know.

The time I spent sifting
through the ashes with you in Bahrain?

I gave you a second chance
when I assembled this team.

I assembled this team.


I evaluated what was needed
and I gave the assessment to Fury,

and he gave you
the parameters for your unit.

What was needed, May?

Someone who could repair your body,

a technician
who could reprogram your brain,

and a specialist to help me
put you down if it had to be done.

But I didn't do it for Fury.

I did it for you. To protect you.

You mean a lot to me. A lot.

To hear you were dead...

You may not believe me,
but that's the truth.

And I have nothing to do
with The Clairvoyant,

or this HYDRA threat we're up against.

Hopefully, this helps prove that.

I wanna believe you.

But you've used that against me
this whole time.

They've stopped firing.
No clear shots through the windows.

They wanna preserve the aircraft.

A surgical strike team is next.

Fitz cut the hydraulics
on the cargo ramp.

- They'll have to pry it open.
- That won't hold them long.

We need to plan to get out of here
with whatever we can take with us.

About that...

The 084 specs, Asgardian
weaponry, portal creation,

Donnie's weather machine.

If they get their hands on
Gravitonium in the Fridge...

It's below the Fridge. No records.

Okay. But on the off chance,

we'd give them the designs
to weaponize it.

The drug from T.A.H.I.T.I., sir? All here.

If HYDRA is really about
to seize this plane...

We should wipe the system.

I'm backing it up on this
hard drive to keep our edge.

Then do it. Scrub the plane clean.

- It'll take some time.
- We're working on buying you some.

I'm telling you, this signal
is clogging everything up.

Something terrible has happened.

Freeze! Show me your hands!
Show me your hands!

Go! Go! Move! Move!

Move up! Move up!

Going up.

It's called a Mouse Hole.
Cuts through anything really.

I designed it a year ago
and submitted it for testing,

but it never reached distribution.

Top agents always hog the good stuff.

You're right, the hard drive's safer
in your hands.

You haven't taught me
how to hold up under torture yet.

We'll get to that, it's real fun.

All right, here's where we split.
Skye and Ward...

Heading to the Nerve Center.

Disable their systems, most importantly
their control of our plane.

- Copy that.
- Remember,

these agents are under orders.

Use ICERs only.

We'll find Simmons, get her out.

We should go straight for Hand.

HYDRA'S always talking about
getting their heads cut off, right?

Saving Simmons and Triplett,
that's our priority.

I agree, and that's how I'd get it done.

- Hope you have a better plan.
- Phil, I can help...

We need your help,
but the cuffs stay on.

The rest of your possibly
very short lives

hinges on this moment.

HYDRA has successfully
infiltrated S.H.I.E.L.D.

at the highest level.

It only took seven decades.

And today is our coming out party.

We have the support

of the Level 9 and Level 10 agents.

And those who have resisted
HYDRA have been crossed off.

Director Fury included.

I'm here to offer you a choice,
and a simple one at that.

Either swear unwavering loyalty
to HYDRA right now for all time,

or share Fury's fate.

I won't wait long.

Cross us off,
and one of you goes, too.

Right answer.

The number of people I trust
is now seven.

Where are we on the roundup?

We're moving all agents below
Level 5 to East Holding.

I have men monitoring microphones
placed in most of the rooms.

- And our strike team?
- Has stormed the plane, yes.

That was a test?

That very few have passed.

I thought we were dead.
You're not HYDRA. Thank God.

Don't celebrate just yet.

We may not be HYDRA.

But your friend Coulson? He is.

they captured Agent Coulson.

And The Cavalry herself.

Go upstairs, they'll need assistance.
They're headed...


We caught 'em,
the slippery bastards.

Agent May took one of mine in the arm.

Softy, there, wouldn't let her bleed out.

You need medical assistance?

Just your sidearm.

Okay, come on, Simmons.
Where are you?

- Report back to me.
- Yes, ma'am.


We've searched the plane, ma'am.
No sign of them.

They were on board when it landed.

We are tearing this plane apart.
They must've snuck off somehow.

Check the tunnels.

I want two squads
posted in every corridor.

Capture who you can, but you have
permission to use lethal force.

Yes, ma'am.

You were right, we should've blown
that plane out of the sky.

Are you mad?
How can you be saying this?

HYDRA won't show mercy.
Neither can we.

There's no way Coulson is HYDRA.
He is a good man. A friend.

He's a liar!

Agent Blake came to me
with his suspicions

that Coulson and the other Level 8's

were involved in some sort
of conspiracy.

Then Coulson sent him on an op
that put him in the ICU.

Coulson is not capable
of what you're insinuating.

Agent Jacobson, Coulson's crimes?

Recruiting known enemies
of S.H.I.E.L.D.,

disobeying a direct order,
multiple counts,

violation of international law.

To rescue our beloved Professor Hall,
who ended up dead by his hand.

Failure to report the crimes
of his protégé Akela Amador.

Whose same technology somehow
ended up in the head of Mr. Peterson,

and you know his crimes.

You helped us save Coulson
from The Clairvoyant.

Yet, when we found
this brain-dead Clairvoyant,

Coulson's man Ward shot him

before we could learn
a single thing about him.

The lies add up, Agent Simmons.

Are you telling me he's never
kept a secret from you?

The worst thing you can do right
now is to underestimate HYDRA.

They hide in plain sight,
they earn our trust, our sympathy.

They make us like them.

And when you hesitate, they strike.

If we're to survive,
we must learn to strike first.

Lethal force is authorized.
Shoot to kill.


The processing center's
at the end of that hall.

Give me your ICER.

- What are you gonna do?
- Pave the way for you.

- There's, like, 100 guys out there.
- Twelve.

Level 5 foot soldiers,
basic armor package,

and no other way through.

The others are depending on us.

But it's suicide.

Not if I don't die.

- And if I do...
- Slow down.

Maybe I deserve to.

I killed an innocent man, Skye.

You didn't know.

You thought you were
doing the right thing.

You thought he was going to...

To hurt you.

If we make it out of this,
maybe we can grab a drink.

You and me.

- Are you...
- Remember in that bar in Dublin?

You offered to talk.

I didn't wanna talk.

I needed to keep things

Like With May?

I'm not an idiot. We live on the same
plane together, for God's sake.

Well, with her, I knew I could.

With you? I didn't wanna risk it.

I was offering to talk, Ward.
Not to have sex with you.

I'm not saying that. I'm saying

I want a chance to take you up on it.

To have that talk.

Look, I know I'm not that guy.

I'm too locked down, too boring, but...

When we make it out of this,

yes, let's have a drink.

You said you might die,
so, what the hell?

Lock the door behind me.



You should really look up the word
"boring" in a dictionary.

You ready to hack the system?

Who said anything about hacking?

There. Agent Hand.

Outside the East Wing Situation Room.

This is definitely a situation.

Simmons... We don't move
until we find Simmons.

I'll say it again, best bet to save her?

Use the ventilation system
to get above the Sit Room.

Drop down using Fitz's
sweet little Mouse Hole

and put two bullets through
Victoria Hand's heart.

- It's an option, sir.
- Without questioning?

Questioning what?

Whether she wants to kill us
fast or slow?

Last time we did that,
we shot the wrong man.

Because she wanted us to.

Phil, this is a battle
for S.H.I.E.L.D.'s soul,

and we're on the front lines.

History will remember us this day.

That's right. It's for S.H.I.E.L.D.'s soul.

And murder without consideration is a...

Consideration? Consider this!

She had one of my men killed

with a bomb rigged to his gas pedal.

Two other two were floating
in the hotel pool,

and they weren't doing the backstroke.

But we can just as easily ICE her.

You don't put someone like her on ice.

She had Skye shot in the stomach.

In the stomach,
because she was curious.

Mike Peterson burned alive
and turned into some kind of freak.

She tortured you
using the same machine

she used to brainwash that bitch
in the flower dress.

And right now, she's probably
doing the same to Agent Simmons.

Oh, I've considered it plenty, my friend.

No, Simmons will be fine.

Just being realistic, kid.

I never mentioned that.

I'm telling you,
killing her quick would be a mercy.

I never said Raina had been
inside the machine.

I never told that to anybody.

I must've read it in a report, then.

You weren't with us.

The point is, how many more
have to suffer before Vic gets hers?

- You showed up right after.
- What are you driving at?

After Skye was shot,
Quinn said it was so

I would lead The Clairvoyant to the cure.

That's exactly what I did.

I walked you right in there with me.

Phil, look,
it's been a rough day, I get it.

But you need to take a second and...

Damn it.

- Freeze! Don't move.
- Hands where I can see them.

Easy, fellas.

Take Agent Garrett into custody!

He's the murderer they
call The Clairvoyant. He's a traitor!


I know Agent Sitwell was
in charge of filling your ranks,

so at least a few of you
know what to do in this situation.

Anytime, boys.



Those three men in your unit?

Guess they asked the wrong questions?

Until today, it was all about
keeping the secret.

Are you gonna kill us?

That wasn't my plan, really.

If it was, I could've done that
any time I wanted.

No, Coulson and I go way back.

Back to the days when
Fury was teaching us tactics.

Clearing corners.
Slicing the pie. Remember, Phil?

Fury would bury you for this.


Instead, he'll just have to
roll over in his grave.

He must've uncovered our secret.

Top brass did what they had to do.

Explains why we've suddenly
"come out of the shadows."

Not a minor inconvenience, I might add.

Top brass?

Oh my, yes. Tip-top.

We had a good thing going, too.

Waving the S.H.I.E.L.D. flag
as hard as we could.

I guess we'll be changing colors now.


You really believe all that crap?

Spreading death and destruction?

I wouldn't say I'm a true believer.

Let's just say,
I felt the wind changing direction

and swung my sail.

You really should, too.

I would die before serving HYDRA,
you sick son of a bitch.

I hate to tell you,

but you've been serving HYDRA
all along.

I guess death is the only alternative.

It's a sad thing. I consider you a friend.

I was happy when I heard
you'd made it through.

So happy you had me tortured
for three days to find out how they did it.

I didn't enjoy that.

Phil, this is me being honest.

No, John,

this is you being a psychopath.

I know you'd follow him
to the grave, so...

As for you, Agent Fitz?
You'll hold a very high rank

on our tech division, if you volunteer.

If not, you'll have no rank
and a lot of pain.

Of course, either way,
your services will be required.

You're gonna suffer
for what you've done.

And I plan on being
a very big part of that.

I like you, kid.

All right, let them have it,

but shoot that one in the kneecaps.

Was that all of them?

Wasn't as big as I thought...



- Hands up! Don't move!
- Drop your weapon.

I'm not HYDRA.

We heard. Everything.

Who is? How deep does it go?

Captain America has defeated
the Helicarriers at the Triskelion.

But his status is unknown.

And S.H.I.E.L.D. has fallen.

HYDRA factions have taken control

of our East African Headquarters
and the Treehouse.

And those are just the ones we know of.

It's gonna be a scramble, a power grab.

I'll head to the Fridge.
At least that facility is secure.

I don't need to remind you
how imperative it is

that it stay that way.

And I'll find Agent Garrett the smallest,
darkest cell in the Ice Box.

I'd like to turn the key
on that cell myself.

If you don't mind, sir.

He was my S.O.

I feel

I should've known.

- It's my duty to...
- No one knew.

I didn't know. That's how he beat us.

By being a friend.

I spent years with that bastard.

Looked up to him.

I want to see him suffer.

Don't mind the company,

and I can always use
a man of your skills.

Pick up the pieces
here at the Hub if you can.

And only communicate
using one of these.

You and I may be the highest-ranking
S.H.I.E.L.D. agents

who aren't HYDRA or dead.

Not that that means anything now.

All we have is each other.

So stay in touch, Agent Coulson.

I guess you can call me Phil.

It's all gone.

In pieces, at least.

Skye, try to restore some
of the firmware in the plane's systems.

Fitz-Simmons, get a crew together,

help May patch the holes.

You still want me on board?

You're not a friend.

But I do believe you're an ally.

We need all the allies we can get.

What are we planning to do next?


- Course is locked, ma'am.
- Good.

He's not telling stories now, is he?

You know what I'm thinking,
Agent Garrett?

I'm thinking the Ice Box or the Fridge

is a little too comfortable for you.

Maybe we should put you
a little deeper underground.

What do you think, Agent Ward?

You shot the wrong Clairvoyant before.

Care to shoot the right one?

Did I tell you about
this one time I was deep undercover?

The Sicilian backup team,
a no-show of course.

So I dropped in through
the skylight, used up my whole mag,

and hit the final guy
in the chest with a flare gun.

Boy, you should've seen
the look on that guy's face

when that thing went off.

Oh, man. He didn't know what hit him.